MyOwnPerception

AO3 my beloved

[myownperception83]

Her presence alone crashes her through pure black.

[myownperception83]

I can't hit my Clea/Lune protein...

21.000 bumbabludclatpussiwaggan chiken noggets...

I'm so sorry for the pseudomeme, but here is my humble contribution to the tag>> https://archiveofourown.org/works/80537771

[myownperception83]

I gotta say, I didn't get the Marinat appeal, but now I totally do and it's partially thanks to this fic, so give it a shot and some love if you want to.

https://archiveofourown.org/users/parasolar/pseuds/parasolar/works?fandom_id=67959073

We need more Marinat in the world.

[rakharo]

hilarious lottienat parallel of natalie going through shit and lottie in bed having prophetic dreams

[myownperception83]

Your girlfriend is getting beaten up and you're serving cunt?

(Works both ways btw)

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

Each Yellowjackets season’s iconic final shot

[myownperception83]

I won't make it about Lottienat, but I'll definitely make it about Lottienat.

Going from Lottie starting to spiral and establishing the Wilderness's cult. Her being on her knees, grounded to the ground and the camera focusing down.

To Lottie passing the torch to Natalie and the cabin burning down. Is the Wilderness displeased or testing Natalie's strength and will as well as Lottie's capacity for decision?

Lottie trusts Nat and has always been her favourite. She knows that together, by collaborating, they'll pull through.

The camera goes up and shows only a little part of the forest. It's night and no one knows what the future holds.

At the end, Natalie saying It wants them to leave, rejecting It completely and climbing a fucking mountain, day and night for the feable hope of making contact. Reaching for the sky and vastness of the mountains. Hope and dread has never been closer together.

[myownperception83]

I don t understand Natalie s passivity or better, I understand it partially.

On one hand, she almost died in the first hunt so it makes sense that during the entirety of season 3 she's almost scared of being confrontational and backs out many times when Shauna snaps at her.

But, on the other hand, most of the girls disapprove of Shauna and her leadership about staying when Shauna has the gun and is tyrannical. Why not depose her when she doesn't have the gun?

Another weird thing about the finale was Lottie being all happy about the hunts when I distinctly remember her haunted face when she learned of what happened to Javi and what almost happened to Natalie. ("I never wanted any of this...")

Third, the animals die, and they immediately agree on a hunt. They already killed and ate Kodiak, I assume so they didn't need to eat anyone.

The logical thing would be to preserve the meat and try to find new animals to capture and yet they hunt immediately.

On hand, it's definitely Shauna forcing her hand and Lottie backing her up (which I still find bizarre), but still, it's weird that they all readily agree except for Natalie (as always, the moral compass and our sweet baby angel).

Surely, there could have been a better plan than "we kill the animals, have a hunt and Killl Shauna."

What about after? Sure, you have eliminated a big threat. Congrats, you're all going to starve anyway. What do you eat if the animals are dead? You re back to square one exactly like the first winter.

It would have been better if the animals had died by a disease or killed by Hannah or Other Tai, which would force them to leave expedition style like they tried back in S1. Only this time, they have maps which is a lot more to go from than what they had before.

Also, during the hunt, why separate and running in circles rather than two of them staying a bit closer to Shauna and overpowering her?

Would Lottie immediately agree on a hunt when the girls' lives are at stake?

Even during this new weird fervor state she's in, she still takes time to warn Mari (although cripitically) that it's not to late to avoid the pit.

Shouldn't the Wilderness be appeased by their behaviour? The increasing violence even without the necessity of circumstances? Is it really justifiable saying, "Hm, actually, it needs to matter, to be personal," gurl are you fr?

When Lottie's on the brink of death, she asks, almost begs to consume her body if needed.

She was horrified when she learned what Natalie went through and what happened to Javi. Would she really be so giffy and ready to start a new hunt after she literally gave Nat's crown to Shauna for the sole purpose of saving her from being killed?

Would she really risk her again?

[myownperception83]

Coach Ben and Mari both actually dying right before rescue was really smt...

[lottiezilla]

so not only did we NOT get a real lottie death dream, there was no references to laura lee WHATSOEVER and the "purpose" of her death was to yet again help develop a different white character's plot arc............hmmmmmmmm if i said i was disappointed that wouldn't do my feelings justice no wonder simone was so pissed off and hurt

like i wasn't expecting much out of it but i certainly never expected the finale to make me feel worse about lottie dying jesus

[myownperception83]

Didn't they say there was supposed to be a Laura Lee scene at some point? Maybe it was in a deleted scene like apparently what happened to Akilah and that Lottienat hand holding in a circle (maybe thanking the Wilderness before the hunt?)

[myownperception83]

Also really not digging how they're trying to go back in their decision of making Lottie a villain.

You have established her in a certain way, being empathic but clumsy and way too direct with clipping words. You have shown her having psychotic episodes and genuinely believing in It. You can't just change your mind again.

But also, she's the first one to suggest to eat her in case she dies back in S2. She's the one who listens everybody out to make sure no one gets left behind.

She reassures Travis when Javi's missing. She always protects Nat in any way she can and is very worried about the group as a whole.

She has always defended It, but she doesn't regard it as evil. It's just hungry and constantly with them.

She tells that numerous times (just because you don't understand it, it doesn't mean it's evil), which also leaves me perplexed to why the writers decided to let Shauna have this much power.

You have this complex net of social relationships, forced hands, manipulation, betrayals and secrets kept and then one character sweeps in and commands everybody based on what? Fear?

Shauna didn't even have the crossbow nor the gun with her during the hunt.

Anyway, to me, it makes no sense to characterize Lottie as this evil entity who enjoys the hunts (remember the "I never wanted any of this"), who likes the thrill of them, who believes Callie is just like her mother based on seeing her once at the compound and then again. (Mind you, I don't like the adult timeline, but it's to show).

Even when she's in the worst of her psycotic episodes, Lottie always has a motivation for what she does, and it comes from her heart. The frogger would have ruined everything, and I had already made a post about Doomcoming.

And this also reminds me of how they treated Jinx from Arcane.

Instead of recognizing the deep trauma and a series of doomed circumstances that shaped the narrative, Jinx and Lottie, both with a mental illness are the only villain (despite being in a system where all the characters have made bad decisions that resulted in horrible consequences).

It's all their fault, they can't escape their destiny or their illness because at the end of the day, that is all they are. They can only disappear through sacrifice quietly in a corner (Jinx in the finale and Lottie down a basement stair) and they don't deserve a happy ending.

Or even Daenerys Targaryen who proves time and time again that she's not like her father only to have her burn a city full of innocent people in the span of two episodes to mirror that she's jUsT LiKe HeR FaThEr and she can't escape her blood.

What in the 1850s is this? Zola? Balzac?

I'm getting tired of writers creating characters with mental illnesses, making them deeply complex, interesting, and human only for them to become scapegoats and villains with no redeeming qualities.

[myownperception83]

What do you mean they fucking forgot???

Does Shauna not have the diaries?

There s a huge discrepancy here. They were many and some bloodied, but it s not possible that she had brought that many

so either some are from the teen days that she hid from rescue or they re all her attemps at remembering.

It s a lazy resolution anyhow which was also really weird in seeing Natalie asking Shauna if she remembered how to cut up a corpse when she had done it herself already and showed no resentment to Shauna in the adult timeline and two, Shauna asked her (asks Hannah dressed up as her) AGAIN, a second time!

Also did Hannah cut Mari just like that? Easy peasy?

Where did Akilah go?

It really goes to show that they re building the adult timeline as they go along but it can't fucking work. The adults can't know just the things that the audience does through "we forgot".

They didn t show once that they forgot.

If they wanted to go that way (which is still a horrible and lazy way, mind you) they could have went with either of them saying hesitantly and confunsingly that they don t remember and that they want to find out what happened or who they are.

And Shauna s speech also makes no sense. Finding herself? As if she hasn t murdered, lied and cheated until now. Hasn't she already found herself after Melissa literally told her?

And with Jeff saying she confessed only 10% of the truth, him saying she has PTSD but Shauna knowing exactly what was on the tape immediately??

But, on the other end, Shauna being surprised that Hannah had a kid when she discussed it with Melissa stating that she was lying.

And also the odds do change if she goes further up cause there s less cards in the deck??

How damn convenient that Melissa doesn t kill Shauna in the teen timeline but has no problem killing Van in the adult one. Is this a fucking joke?

It goes to show that, at heart, Melissa isn't a killer if she doesn't kill Shauna depsite the perfect environment to do so, but of course she kills Van because she loves the thrill of it?

I wouldn't say that her liking the idea of Shauna being a bad girl is equivalent to her having a stable normal life, WANTING a stable normal life and then just killing Van out of nowhere, not even with the idea of sacrifice saves someone else.

They haven t answered any questions, added more, put too much meat on the fire while also giving us nothing.

Characters' motivations are down the drain? Interactions between JVs?

What were the sides during the hunt?

Did Van really not tell Tai anything about the phone? Was Tai not hurt by it?

We needed at least 15 episodes because wtf

And what s gonna happen now, 2 whole seasons of post wilderness?

The whole thing felt unearned and more of a "that's it?"

Did we seriously not get a good long convo between Nat and Misty after the transponder reveal? Nat being furious, needing to out some distance? No, instead, she goes straight into business.

What about a convo between Nat and Hannah about going home when she had her pinned against the tree?

Hell, about Tai and Shauna with Tai aggressive and brash to Shauna being a bitch? Where is the Tai from the pilot? Confrontational and strong...

Yikes, very big, ginormous yikes

[myownperception83]

The difference between the wilderness and society is that it is true that they don t belong anymore.

Aside from the cannibalism. They have built a community where they can be freer.

Travis can let go of toxic masculinity and can be vulnerbale, Tai and Van can be happy together, Shauna doesn't have to be anyone's second choice. Everybody can express themselves more freely (for example Lottie with a broader clothing choice instead of being hyper femme).

Both Lottie and Nat by feeling like they belong, that they can build something, build a community, to feel needed, for this specifically, Misty too, who then spends all her adult timeline trying to feel like that again.

And then you think about the fact that they can go back, they can have bedsheets, toilet paper, but then there's college, there's a society that doesn't accept queer people, there's the misogyny (see Kodiak in the promo for 3x09) and the questioning of what really happened.

Hiring managers will see a 19 months gap and won't take in consideration what they've been through. They will think them lazy. They will have to explain every single time what happened. Or the diluted version of it.

Will they be able to keep it together?

They could never talk about that to a therapist.

Lottie, for example, is sick of seeing shrinks al her life and, in a way, she was having therapy sessions in her own mind instead.

The trauma society will never understand, Lottie will get instutionalized and forgot, an embarassing secret to her dad. A reminder of what they did in the Wilderness.

Aside from the glamour of the immediate rescue, a hell life attends them. Travis says they passed through hell, but hell waits them back home too.

[myownperception83]

Tbh I just want Nat to find a mother figure in Hannah. That way, she can reconnect with someone who seems like a kind person in a unforgiving society who only views her as a fuck-up, not worth of anyone's time or attention.

To have a bit of respite, just to have her taken away from her just like any other parental figure. Bonus points if she gets killed during one of the hunts, or to protect her if one of the other girls kill her.

Hannah was impressed by what they built and I feel like Nat would take the chance of getting to know her.

I like the idea of a more honest one on one conversation in a hut between them about what happened in the Wilderness and what they had to do. And Hannah saying it's alright because it was a desperate situation and they were alone and scared.

Which is what Ben would have told them under different circumstances.

And also how her talking to Hannah may tie to Lottienat and how Hannah would obvs be scared of Lottie since she, ya know, axed her husband.

[myownperception83]

Nat is only thinking about the immediate euphoria of we're going home. We can leave all of this behind.

She didn't think about cleanup and getting their stories all aligned, she just said they ll think about it when they get rescued. She compartimentalizes and tries to avoid things she doesn't want to, but at the end she can never do that and she knows Lottie is right.

While Lottie can only think about what will happen. To all of them, to their future. They have to go back to a society that rejects their new way of thinking. They can't possibly understand.

And that is embodied especially by the way Lottie's parents during post rescue just do not give a fuck and send her off to Switzerland to get her "fixed".

They lost their daughter in the way they lost their house key. A replacable part. Not necessary or unique.

Something extra to their life, but not a human being, not their daughter, someone they should love unconditionally.

They didn't try to understand what happened to her, they didn't stay close or try to help her. They went back to the same dynamics of pre crash with Lottie crashed by the expectations placed upon her. Expectations she could never satisfy. In their eyes, she will only ever be her illness.

They immediately moved on and tried to surpress everything that's happened by relegating the problem only on Lottie's schizophrenia and not all of the rest.

It's no wonder she stopped talking and disassociated. She knew it would go this way and that's why she didn't want to come back.

Also the way she went to Switzerland means she had to take another plane. How cruel can they be?

[myownperception83]

Also the parallel between Nat "You don't get to make that decision for us!" to Shauna somehow making them stay all again against their will probably by killing the only way they can go back.

BUT ALSO:

Snarling "We are going to leave whatever you are behind." And then "We took it back with us."

Be it the Wilderness or the intense trauma.

[myownperception83]

I love Jackie's pursuing face every single time she appears to haunt Shauna.

It's like "This is it, you still haven't let me go? Come the fuck on Shipman."

She's getting progressively more and more aggressive in telling Shauna off and blame her for her death (aka Shauna blaming herself).

KEEP ON SERVING CAPTAIN.

[myownperception83]

Natalie passing from being the burnout, never considered and always casted aside with an insult to being the designated leader of their community with Lottie saying "You were always Its favourite" and getting Nat to know in her own way, that she is her favourite too.

That her doing her best is being acknowledged and recognized. That the guilt she carries is valid, but it doesn't have to define her.

And Nat telling Lottie that rescue is real, having understood by now that Lottie is struggling with something. The way she's so so careful and gentle with her while the others call her deranged.

Just like when she told Lottie that the cabin guy was dead. "It's okay. He's gone, remember? We buried him."

That she knows that, outside of the Wilderness, they both have no real home to go back to and that the Yellowjackets were the closest thing to a real home they would ever get.

Once again it's crazy to see the switch up the group has on Lottie. How many times they called her crazy and then admired her as the prophet that would save them and lead them out of Winter? She doesn't want to go away for reasons that, to her, make total sense and that when spoken out, make sense to Nat, too.

But Natalie doesn't want to think about it. She is focused on the here and now and that is also another reason why they balance each other out. Lottie can think more of a far future while Nat is focused solely on the present.

Melissa knows about Lottie's mental illness in the adult timeline so that means that at some point, either through tv or her father, they discovered her secret and shunned her out again.

Her worst nightmares became true all at once. Everybody discovering she has schizophrenia, ending up all alone and looked down upon with disgust, isolated, locked and sedated, never a chance to be herself, to explore who she is without their interference. Becoming once more the scapegoat of all that happened.

[myownperception83]

Also thinking about Melissa's "I was no longer one of you".

We know they are pretty tight as a group with all that has happened, both in good and bad and we also know she and Gen became close to Hannah.

So what made it so bad that she had to fake a suicide? Did she free Hannah at some point? Or defended her by going directly against Shauna's decision?

It's good that she recognized she wasn't in love with Shauna, but only infatuated by her capacity of tapping into the worst parts of her and finding it cathartic in a way.

I like how their conversation evolved into the boring vs unhinged. We see Shauna craving for danger, for something to fuck her life up. Be it Adam, trying to find out about Jeff's affair or their blackmailer.

Stealing her van back, terrorizing a man by describing how badly she wants to cut him up.

Saying Melissa won't turn up to be fucking boring, unreleased scripts saying the same about Adam. Jeff admitting he is boring and that Shauna craves for more.

She despises being boring because she was afraid that she was all ever going to be and her argument against Jackie was actually just a projection of what she felt about herself as a spot on the wall in Jackie's room. She tries to hide who she really is, but her desire for destruction is far too strong.

She hates herself, but she wants to drag everyone down with her anyway.

And, in a way it turned out to be true. Did she go to college at the end? Did she get that degree she wanted?

Even if she did, Shauna ended up as a dependent stay at home mom.

She values her intelligence immensely, but once again, she chose the safe, coward way. She married the last relic of Jackie, Jeff who actually loves her.

She has a daughter who mirrors her unborn son. Everything that happened haunts her.

Too afraid to get closer to her family, too disgusted by the normality of it all? She perks up significantly when she kills the rabbit.

The Yellowjackets doom themselves because they believe they can never atone for what they've done.

Those who try to forget end up getting consumed by it anyway. See Tai, see Van, but also Nat and Lottie who never truly forgot and reminded themselves day after day.

"We don't get to be lucky." Taissa

"We don't get to have a normal life." Shauna

Melissa does, but as soon as she knows about what happened at Lottie's compound she daydreams vivid nightmares and can't let it go. She marries the daughter of a woman they killed.

Shauna's so angry that they stopped searching them, but after months what did she really expect. Friends and family don't have the financial means to fund a whole private search party.