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[myrelieffromreality]

My anxiety has reached an all time high as I’m struggling with my university work. I feel like what I am producing isn’t adequate enough and it should be  better than what I am currently achieving. I wish that I could be working under better conditions, but I shouldn’t complain as there are people who are suffering worse than me due to this pandemic and even before it hit the world. Sometimes I feel like such a selfish person only thinking of my own feelings and circumstances when there are real problems happening in the world and I’m not even a small problem. I am only a me problem but that is no reason to be so selfish. I wish I was a better person. I wish I could be better.

[myrelieffromreality]

Living on Little Sleep

I don’t know why I do this to my body, I keep myself awake until my body can no longer handle the pressure. Falling asleep at 2, 3, 4 O’clock in the morning and waking up at 8 to make it on time for my online seminars. I can’t concentrate on my work, I can’t concentrate on anything. I find my seminars lacking, but I know that the information is important, but I can’t concentrate. Even as I write this I am sitting in on an online seminar, camera off, on mute, pretending to listen. I wish that I could be better, I want to be better, but I can’t find the energy to push myself to be better.

[myrelieffromreality]

Lockdown is hard

I never imagined how much this lockdown would affect me. I am aawy from home, stuck in my university accommodation eating either basic microwave meals, frozen food or takeaways. My mental state has never been so low. I’m gaining weight faster than I can loose it, and the stretch marks are becoming darker with each day. I wish I had a social life that I could use as an escape, I wish I had people I could talk to. So I take to Tumblr to get these feelings off my chest, and hope that it will help me through the last stretch of this lockdown. My university work is piled up high, and I can see no end in sight, I just wish I could have a day to myself and have a break, but alas that is not a wish that is allowed to be granted for me.