My Secret Place

21, +65, Female. Reblogs with occasional rants and diaries.

[mysecrecy]

1:31AM

Am I selfish for wanting someone to be there for me all the time? To give me emotional support because I feel like on days where I feel the shittest, where I feel like I’ve lost hope in life, I really need someone to listen.

Today is that day. It started with an ominous feeling and gradually my thought ate away my mind, taking all that positivity out and next thing I know, tears are flowing. Tears of frustration. Tears of sadness.

I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.

Why am I so emotionally unstable...

[mysecrecy]

2019 I was like that. 2022 and I'm still the same fuck face. Nothing has changed.

[mysecrecy]

I hope that a year from now, I won’t be in this crying mess, I won’t have to deal with my thoughts alone, I won’t feel the need to give up in life.

Because right now I feel like my head is in a mess.

[mysecrecy]

2 years passed and I'm still the same.

I thought I finally pulled myself out of that deep darkness. But as times goes by, my inner demon is creeping up on me.

I feel so sorry for myself. For allowing heartbreaks to happen. For trusting people too easily.

I hate it that I may look okay on the outside but nobody knows how much I am struggling inside. i fucking hate my life. i hate this world im living. i am fucking struggling.

[mysecrecy]

2022

Hello everyone that is still alive in Tumblr.

[mysecrecy]

2020

I’m going to leave this blog as it is and start a brand new blog. Too many people that I’ve known in the past started to crawl up to me and asking me things, about my life and about the past.

I’ve left it all behind and I don’t wish to revisit any of those memories again.

I’m using Tumblr as a platform for me to express my thoughts, to pour my heart out because I got nowhere and no one to do it. Till today, no one knows my full story. I’ve told different people bits and pieces here and there but nobody knows the full story because nobody genuinely cares. They ask for the sake of asking. They ask because they pity. They ask because they think they could help. So please, touch your heart and think, did you honestly care about me, about my mental health and to help me? Or did you just want someone to talk to to kill time, or someone to complete your sexual urge just because of my past, or someone you thought you could play their feelings around?

It is honestly quite annoying when people come message me and say “you can rant to me” because really.... you won’t understand. And the next annoying thing is people saying “I understand your pain/sorrows” no you fucking don’t.

Don’t tell me all these fucking lies, all these fake sweet talks because I’ve seen enough, I’ve heard enough and I’ve experienced enough and each time I feel like my weak heart just opens up to people that easily because I needed someone to rely on. Time to time I tell myself it’s bullshit and to never trust anyone. Time to time same shit happens because I’m that fucking stupid to believe.

I beg everyone that I’ve known in the past, please don’t approach me anymore. If you know my social media, my telegram, don’t come and message me please. I’ve left you in the past for a reason. We ended things for a reason. I don’t wish to have you in my future or to reopen any wounds again.

So my brand new blog will be just me and my inner peace to drown myself in my own sorrows and pity pit. If you manage to find it then good for you.

I won’t delete this blog because if I’m ever gone one day, I pretty sure hope people realise that I was fucked shit in the head all these while and to keep myself sane I had to pour things out this way.

If not I wish everyone a fucking fabulous 2020.

Goodbye to this blog.

[mysecrecy]

2020 is coming soon.

Another 365 days that feels the same as any other day.

Quite stressed out because I got no plans and I hate it and everyone around me is busy with plans. Not that I have hatred for it but I feel like why am I the only plan-less one amongst all the people I know.

Why can’t I have friends that will ask me out or like make a plan with me?

Another night of a heavy heart feeling.

I wish I could do better. I wish my friends knew what’s going on with me but I wouldn’t let myself to tell them.

[cutepetsuwu]

Miaow

[poetrylovingfan]

just do it

[poetrylovingfan]

it’s all part of the process

[poetrylovingfan]

these things take time

[the-book-diaries]

“Don’t hesitate or allow yourself to make excuses. Just get out and do it. Just get out and do it. You will be very, very glad that you did.”

— Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

[the-book-diaries]

“Do you love me enough that I may be weak with you? Everyone loves strength, but do you love me for my weakness? That is the real test.”

— Alain de Botton, Essays in Love

[mysecrecy]

Dying at work. Dying inside.

[mysecrecy]

I hope that a year from now, I won’t be in this crying mess, I won’t have to deal with my thoughts alone, I won’t feel the need to give up in life.

Because right now I feel like my head is in a mess.

[mysecrecy]

Dying. Dying. These thoughts are killing me.

[a-blank-space]

From the bottom of my heart I hope 2020 is a better mental health year for everyone

[mysecrecy]

1:31AM

Am I selfish for wanting someone to be there for me all the time? To give me emotional support because I feel like on days where I feel the shittest, where I feel like I’ve lost hope in life, I really need someone to listen.

Today is that day. It started with an ominous feeling and gradually my thought ate away my mind, taking all that positivity out and next thing I know, tears are flowing. Tears of frustration. Tears of sadness.

I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.

Why am I so emotionally unstable...

[love-diaries]

“Enjoy the time you have now, live in this moment and never look back. Whatever happens, happens. Don’t stress.”

—