Cr0w

they/them | I draw sometimes

[mysterious-cr0w]

・✿ Overview ✿・

This blog is mainly Detective Conan and art themed.

But I will also post about my other interests once in a while.

Ships that I like:

✿ AkAm

✿ HiroRei

✿ KazuRan

✿ MasuRan

My posts:

✿ my big dcmk playing card project

✿ all of my art

✿ my writing

[cosmicarp]

A fluff prompt for PT <3

✮⋆ ˙"Tell me something. Anything. I just want to hear you talk."

Thank you for the prompt, Cr0W! <3 This took a bit longer than I thought it would, but it's been a busy, exhausting week. And I'm once again posting my fic after midnight, because I have complete control over my life.

(fluff starters)

As with the previous fic, this one is more of a suggestion of the prompt, rather than actual dialogue. And it does lean a bit on the angstier side, because that felt appropriate for it, though I tried to keep it from getting too far in that direction.

This one is a bonus scene (that may or may not end up being 'canon' to the series) for the next part of the fake marriage AU. I'm not really going to explain what's going on there, at least for now, because I think, for the most part, it's fairly clear. I also didn't actually do much in the way of editing, so I apologize for any glaring typos. I'll probably reread this tomorrow and fix what I find. Enjoy! :)

⋆˙⟡ ⋆.˚ ⊹₊⟡ ⋆

"Do you think we need a bigger apartment?" Shuuichi asks, his fingers running through Rei's hair gently, over and over, attempting to soothe him. He's a bit surprised Rei agreed to rest like this, his head on Shuuichi's chest, just over his heart. He'd seemed like he was on the verge of a panic attack when Shuuichi decided to excuse them from dinner, and he's been quiet ever since.

Rei is rarely quiet like this; it's deeply unsettling.

A confused noise leaves Rei's throat, but he doesn't shift, his arm still thrown over Shuuichi's waist. "Why?"

That he's spoken at all feels like a good sign, even if it is only one word, so Shuuichi works to get another response out of him. "Perhaps not bigger, but a better layout. You mentioned you used to grow celery in your apartment, but our place doesn't really have a good window for it."

"You're thinking about moving to a new apartment just for better windows?" Rei asks, baffled.

It does sound a little absurd when Rei phrases it that way, but Shuuichi shrugs it off. "Or maybe a house. We could get a house with a garden, and then you could have all kinds of plants." He's pushing his luck, and he knows it – Rei regularly reminds him that their situation is temporary – but if it keeps Rei talking, he's willing to suffer a little hurt later, once he has to face the truth again.

Whether he realizes what Shuuichi's doing or not, Shuuichi can't tell, but Rei goes along with it regardless, sighing a little as Shuuichi feels some of the tension release from his shoulders. "Hypothetically…" he begins slowly, "if we were to move into a house, I would like to have a garden, yes."

"I've never grown anything before," Shuuichi tells him. His mother never had much of a green thumb, and, though his father dabbled in gardening from time to time, Shuuichi hadn't taken an interest back then – something he kind of regrets in hindsight, knowing he missed out on one more way to bond with him. "Maybe you could teach me."

Rei hums, the vibration reverberating pleasantly through Shuuichi's chest. "I could."

He doesn't elaborate, so Shuuichi continues the conversation, but in another direction. "You'd want to stay near Tokyo, I assume?"

"We work in Tokyo," Rei points out, as if he has to remind him.

A light chuckle releases itself from Shuuichi. "A transfer is theoretically possible. More importantly, Morofushi and the other guys are there."

"And your family."

"And my family, yes. Near Tokyo would be best. I'm thinking something in the traditional style – tatami and sliding shoji screens and all. That would suit you."

Rei lifts his head, Shuuichi's hand falling away for the moment, and stares at him with an unreadable expression, somewhere between awe and confusion. Then, as he settles back down, he murmurs, "That would be… I would love that."

Returning his hand to Rei's hair, Shuuichi says, "I thought so."

Rei sighs, almost seeming to melt against him, causing a smile to twitch at the corner of Shuuichi's mouth. "Quit putting thoughts in my head, Shuuichi," he scolds lightly.

"So, we shouldn't think about the future?" Shuuichi asks, with a teasing edge.

Rei ignores that question and asks, instead, "Why are you bringing up houses, all of a sudden?"

Although he's tempted to keep up the ruse that he's just thinking about their future, if Rei is scolding him, then he seems to be back to himself now. "I was trying to distract you from whatever is going on in your brain," he answers, massaging Rei's scalp lightly.

"Ah." Rei falls quiet for a long moment again, before quietly mumbling, "I owe you an explanation."

"You don't owe me anything," Shuuichi insists, sliding his hand down to rub at Rei's back. "If you want to talk, I'll gladly listen, but I'm the one who put you in this mess in the first place."

Rei grumbles something that Shuuichi doesn't quite catch, then says, "No, I should've told you back when you first asked why I was looking into the Miyano family, or at least when I told you Akemi might recognize me."

Truthfully, that bit of information alone had fascinated Shuuichi more than anything else. Rei had already told him that he was looking into them for 'personal' reasons, back when he first brought it up, but if Akemi recognizes Rei, then he must have known them. He's curious about the circumstances, but it's obvious that the memories cause Rei a great deal of heartache, so he's never felt the need to push. "You can tell me as much or as little as you like."

Rei takes a moment to exhale and gather his thoughts, then begins his story. "I never knew my mother. I don't know why she left right after I was born, but she did, and my father resented her for it. And, by extension, he resented me, too. I guess I look too much like her."

What he describes after that is a childhood of neglect and loneliness, being ostracized from the other kids at school because of his looks, and the teachers coming down harder on him for defending himself than the kids who started the fights. Things start to look up when Hiro enters the story; it doesn't really change the way others treat him, but at least he has a friend now. Shuuichi's heart still breaks for him.

"The first time Miyano-san found me after a fight, she dragged to her parents' clinic, and that's where I met Elena-san," Rei explains. The way his voice quivers has Shuuichi wrapping his arms around him, holding him tighter. "She was the first adult in my life who treated me with kindness, and she looked like me, so it's probably no surprise that I grew very attached to her very quickly. I went to see her as much as I could. Sometimes I even got into fights on purpose, just to have an excuse. It was like… an escape from the constant pressure of being at home.

"And then, one day, only a few months after we met, she told me she wouldn't be able to help me anymore because they were moving away. And I never saw her again. In my teens, I looked into it, to see if I could find out where she went, only to find her obituary. I was… absolutely devastated, and the whole thing felt suspicious to me. When Hiro told me he wanted to join the force because of his parents' murder, I jumped at the chance."

Somehow, Shuuichi never expected it to have been Morofushi's idea for them to join the police – he hadn't given it much though, really, but if he had, he would've assumed Rei was the one with the idea, and Morofushi went along with it. It gives a new angle to their dynamic that Shuuichi hasn't really considered; he finds the pair even more fascinating than ever.

"I see," he says, thinking all this new information over. "So you met Akemi when you two were kids, and that's why you weren't sure if she'd recognize you."

Rei nods against his chest. "Right. It's been nearly twenty years."

Shuuichi pokes him gently in the side. "But it turns out you're unforgettable. It's unsurprising, really."

"I know you can't see it, but just imagine I'm rolling my eyes at you," Rei replies dryly.

"Noted," Shuuichi laughs.

Rei huffs in return. "Anyway, I guess when I saw how upset your mother seemed at the whole ruse, it just felt like being back in my dad's house. That's why I… reacted the way I did."

"I understand, I'll talk to her. I need to figure out where exactly she stands with all of this, anyway." As soon as he feels Rei tense against him, Shuuichi's hand makes it's way back to his hair, stroking gently to try calming him down. "I won't bring this up with her, don't worry. In fact, I should go talk to her now, sort things out tonight."

With great reluctance, he sits up, unfortunately forcing Rei to do the same; he already misses the warmth of his soon-to-be husband in his arms. Before he can second-guess the action, he leans forward and presses a soft kiss to Rei's temple.

"Are you sure it can't wait until morning?" Rei asks. He's not quite pouting, but there is a hint of a frown to his expression.

Shuuichi fights back a smile, knowing Rei wouldn't appreciate it. "It would be better to get it over with. I won't be long."

As he slides off the bed, Rei grabs his hand suddenly. When Shuuichi turns back to him, he simply says, "Thank you. For… all of this."

"Any time, Rei. I mean it," he replies, squeezing Rei's hand before letting go. There's so much more he'd like to be able to say to Rei, but tonight isn't the night for it. Rei has been through enough – and Shuuichi isn't sure he'd appreciate the sentiments, anyway.

There have been a few moments in their time together where Shuuichi thought maybe, just maybe, Rei felt similar things to him, but, in case he's wrong, he refuses to make Rei uncomfortable by being too obvious with his feelings. They had an agreement; he'll stick to it unless Rei wants things to change.

(He'd be lying if he said that Rei's sudden insistence that they share a bed didn't spark some hope in him, but he won't push his luck.)

He slips out of the bedroom before he can change his mind.

[mysterious-cr0w]

I haven't posted any DetCo art in ages and unfortunately I don't know when I'll be able to draw more.

But I slightly redesigned my favourite child and I'm so happy with how he turned out.

I'm also in the process of making a puppet that looks like him. I hope it turns out good and I'm excited to work more on it.

[mysterious-cr0w]

Goodbye oh cruel world, I don't think I will survive this. o7

[mysterious-cr0w]

I think I officially lost my status as a Vampire.

Since I've been at the psychiatric hospital, I went out on a walk at least once a day. Also shout-out to Ria's AKAM and 5FDP playlists that are keeping me company on those walks. :D

I'm temporarily going home this weekend and I hope I can resume working on my WIPs. They've been collecting dust for too long and I want to write again. I need to torture Rei, it's been too long.

[mysterious-cr0w]

Nevermind, maybe I still am a Vampire xD

The arm on the right is mine and the arm on the left is my father's.

(My parents said I could hide in front of a basement wall.)

[mysterious-cr0w]

I think I officially lost my status as a Vampire.

Since I've been at the psychiatric hospital, I went out on a walk at least once a day. Also shout-out to Ria's AKAM and 5FDP playlists that are keeping me company on those walks. :D

I'm temporarily going home this weekend and I hope I can resume working on my WIPs. They've been collecting dust for too long and I want to write again. I need to torture Rei, it's been too long.

[cosmicarp]

Happy Pride Month to Furuya Rei specifically.

[mysterious-cr0w]

Guess who talked about their mental health struggles with a doctor for the very first time and immediately got an admission for an inpatient stay at a psychiatric hospital.

Correct, me :)

Of course, the first thing my stupid brain did was thinking, "Oh my god, I have fooled the doctor, I'm not even doing that bad."

[mysterious-cr0w]

Shared Grief

[mysterious-cr0w]

A friend taught me embroidery yesterday and I think it was a mistake. Now I've found a new hobby that keeps me from finishing my WIPs.

Anyway, I embroidered a Brushbug from Witch Hat Atelier on one of my dad's old shirts today.

[mysterious-cr0w]

I've been learning embroidery for 3 days now, and today my mum messaged me and asked if I could design a logo and embroider it on 2 shirts for her and my dad. I have until July to finish this.

Help, now I gotta lock in and practice. At least I'll get paid for it.

(In my 9 years of drawing I never once got an actual paid commission, but doing 3 days of embroidery will apparently do it. XD)

[mysterious-cr0w]

A friend taught me embroidery yesterday and I think it was a mistake. Now I've found a new hobby that keeps me from finishing my WIPs.

Anyway, I embroidered a Brushbug from Witch Hat Atelier on one of my dad's old shirts today.

[cosmicarp]

And last but not least, a prompt word of my choice for you:

Bioluminescent 🥐

(the croissant is only here for decoration and as a snack for you, I suppose)

Mmm snacks that are definitely still good despite me having left this in my inbox for a month.

I was really stuck on what to do with this prompt for a long time. At its most literal, it's not easy to work into many stories, so I had to give it a lot of thought. But then I wrote three mini fics for my demon!Rei AU recently, and thought about this prompt again. And I had a vision.

This is. Not quite that vision. Things worked out a little differently. But the basic premise is still there.

So, have 1500 words of demon!Rei for your enjoyment. This fic takes place in between the first and second fic of this set, probably just a few weeks after the first ficlet, though admittedly I don't have the timeline fully mapped out.

── .✦

Shaky fingers run through Rei's hair, careful to avoid his horns, as Shuuichi watches over him. Though he's still curious how they'll feel under his fingers, touching Rei's horns while he sleeps seems like a boundary he shouldn't cross, when Rei hardly tolerates his affection while awake.

They're in a small, dark cave nestled in the mountains outside Hiro's home, a small village called Minami, Rei resting after his collapse earlier. Two weeks of putting as much distance between themselves and Shuuichi's family as possible by day, and camping in the woods, under the safety of Rei's barriers by night had finally taken its toll, despite Rei's repeated insistence that he was fine. They were lucky to be close to Hiro's village when Rei's strength finally ran out – Yui knew exactly how to handle the situation, and they'd be protected inside the village's borders for the duration of their stay.

According to Yui, Rei must be quite powerful for a half-demon, to be able to consistently use as much mana to hold those barriers as he had. Not that that's much of a comfort to Shuuichi now, with Rei unconscious beside him, head pillowed on his folded cloak.

The walls of the cave are lined with a spongy moss that glows softly in the darkness, the air thick with moisture. Though it doesn't give out much light on its own, the sheer quantity of the moss, combined with how Shuuichi's eyes have already adjusted, make it possible for him to see his surroundings, although there isn't much to look at. Not far from where Rei's laid out, there's a shallow pool of water that looks surprisingly clean, as if kept pristine by magic despite its location, but otherwise the cave is empty.

Yui had told him it was safe to leave Rei by himself in here until he recovers, but Shuuichi declined to leave with her and Hiro. There's absolutely no way he's going to leave Rei alone, let him wake up in some cave by himself, outside an unfamiliar village, after he fainted like that.

"I'll stay, too, then," Hiro had offered, but Shuuichi waved him off. Hiro should get to spend this time with his family, and Shuuichi doesn't mind watching over Rei alone.

Before they left, Yui let him know someone would bring him food when dinner's ready, and that there's a bell right outside the cave that he can ring to get their attention if something happens. Shuuichi rather hopes he won't need it.

"We are going to have a very serious discussion about your limits when you wake up," he says sternly to Rei, who, unsurprisingly, does not reply. Shuuichi sighs, leaning against the wall, his hand never leaving Rei's hair. Part of him feels like he needs to maintain that connection or something terrible will happen, though he knows, logically, that that doesn't make sense. "Maybe one day, I can convince you that you don't have to do everything alone."

He understands Rei's reluctance to trust them, to a point. Two weeks of traveling together still makes Hiro barely more than a stranger to him, and even though he and Shuuichi have known each other for years, they didn't really spend much time together before, only meeting when Shuuichi would stop by to drop something off from his mother. Just because Shuuichi developed an attachment to Rei years ago doesn't mean he has any delusions that Rei feels it, too.

And especially now that Rei blames himself for what happened in Aunt Elena's village, he understands why Rei would put some distance between the two of them, even if Shuuichi doesn't like it. No matter what Rei thinks, he's not responsible for the actions of a mother he's never known; Shuuichi is happy to spend the rest of his life convincing Rei of that, if need be.

He expects the long night to pass quietly – and he's not wrong, in the strictest sense. It's certainly not noisy, with just the sound of their breathing to break the silence. But the monotony of sitting there, contemplating Rei and his situation, is broken the moment Rei starts glowing.

It starts with a shimmer on his horns, almost glittering in the blue glow of the cave, before purple markings begin appearing on them and spreading downward onto his skin, framing his face, inching down his neck, and, moments later, even decorating his hands and fingers. The marks look like the runes Shuuichi has seen both in his mother's texts and in Rei's books – magical in nature, obviously – though he can't begin to deduce their specific meaning. His own magic aptitude is so minimal that his mother had never felt it necessary to teach him to read the runes; now, he kind of wishes she had, so that maybe he could understand what's going on.

For a long moment, he debates whether he should step out of the cave and ring the bell, uncertain whether this is a bad sign for Rei's health, though the thought of leaving Rei alone gives him pause. Before he can make that decision, though, the runes fade, and Rei's skin and horns look just as they always do – pretty, but normal, at least by Rei's standards. Shuuichi rationalizes that it's probably fine. The runes suggest to him that Rei's mana levels are rising again; if he's right, that's a good sign.

Hiro and Yui return a short while later, food and bedding in hand – enough for both of them, despite Rei not having stirred at all – and even then, he opts not to bring up the glowing runes. He'll mention it tomorrow if Rei doesn't improve overnight.

Hiro sits with him while he eats, making smalltalk, though he only stays long enough, after Shuuichi finishes eating, to help him get Rei onto some of the bedding and into a more comfortable position.

"If he wakes up during the night, bring him inside, okay? We have space set up for both of you," Hiro tells Shuuichi as he turns to leave the cave. "Otherwise, I'll come back and check on you in the morning."

Left to his own devices once more, Shuuichi stays up a little while longer, before setting up his own bedding between Rei and the cave's entrance, and falls asleep quicker than he expects.

When he wakes in the morning, it's to Rei peering down at him curiously, his eyes seeming even brighter than usual. Shuuichi chalks that up to the glow of the moss and tries not to think too deeply about it. "You're awake," he croaks out, clearing his throat afterward.

"I don't remember falling asleep," Rei replies, his eyes darting around the cave, checking out the unfamiliar surroundings. "Where are we?"

"Just outside Minami." Shuuichi reaches up, tucking some of Rei's hair behind his ear; to his surprise, Rei startles, but doesn't pull away. "You passed out right around sunset. Hiro's with his family; he offered to stay here with us, but that seemed unnecessary. How are you feeling?"

Rei takes a moment to answer, sitting back and stretching out his limbs. "Fine. What happened?"

"Hiro's sister said your mana was almost completely depleted," Shuuichi explains, frowning and sitting up. "She also said that a half-demon should not have been able to maintain those barriers so often, for so many hours at a time, so you were likely pushing yourself way beyond your limits – even if you are more powerful than most."

Rei narrows his eyes at Shuuichi's scolding tone. "The barriers are necessary. I won't let anything happen to anyone else."

"We'll find another way that doesn't risk your health," Shuuichi insists. "At least while we're here, Yui can probably teach you some tricks."

Predictably, Rei, stubborn as ever, huffs and withdraws, standing and packing his bedding up. As quickly as he can, Shuuichi stands, too, grabbing onto Rei's arm to get his attention.

"Let go of me," Rei snaps, attempting to yank his arm free, but Shuuichi holds firm.

"I'm not trying to belittle you, Rei; I've seen how strong you are. You really scared me when you collapsed."

Squeezing his eyes shut, Rei takes a deep breath. "Stop," he orders, his harsh tone undercut by the way his voice shakes. He pulls away when Shuuichi's grip slackens. "Don't act like you care about me."

"I do care about you. It's not an act, Rei. If you truly think that, then you haven't been paying attention."

"Well, stop." His eyes open, still as bright as before, pinning Shuuichi in place. He holds his bedding tight against his chest, as if it's a barrier protecting himself from Shuuichi's feelings. "You'll only get hurt."

Shuuichi inhales at the force of his words and the realization that hits him. It always seems to come back to what happened to Aunt Elena and her family. "Rei–" he starts to say, but it's to no avail.

Rei merely steps away, deliberately ignoring him, and leaves him behind in the cave.

[mysterious-cr0w]

✨Favourite Character Poll✨

Thank you for tagging me @cosmicarp :D

Rules: make a poll with five of your all-time favourite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favourite.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I wonder who'll win xD

Furuya Rei (Detective Conan)

Sugawara Koushi (Haikyuu!!)

Maomao (The Apothecary Diaries)

Kon Kusuriuri (Mononoke)

Robin (Fire Emblem Awakening)

Voting ended onApr 23

Tagging: @clownakai (if you want to play)

[mysterious-cr0w]

I have been dragged into the Witch Hat Atelier hype and I need to talk about it.

After watching the first two episodes of the anime I got impatient and started reading the manga. So far I've read the first 8 Volumes and I just want to write down some of my thoughts.

This will be spoiler free, I'm not gonna talk about specific plot points, but rather about what I noticed and how this story makes me feel.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I've already heard about Witch Hat Atelier for a little while, before the anime got released. People talked a lot about how good the story and how gorgeous the art is. I was intrigued, but decided to wait for the anime.

The first two episodes of the anime then immediately hooked me. The animation is gorgeous, the characters seem interesting and I love the magic system.

So, since I'm very impatient I decided to pick up the manga. My expectations going in were: gorgeous art, intriguing magic system, amazing characters, wholesome story.

Turns out I wasn't necessarily wrong, but WHA has a lot more to it than I expected.

The art is absolutely gorgeous, I'm amazed at how detailed every page is and I can only imagine how much work it is to keep the quality this high and consistent.

I love the magic system. I think the author really took their time to develop it and think it through. It seems simple in the beginning, and at first I thought it's going to be quite limited, but I quickly learned (alongside the characters) that I was wrong.

The characters, what can I say, I love them. Especially the 4 girls, Quifrey and Olruggio. Their mentor mentee relationship is so precious to me. I love the development the kids have gotten so far and especially Quifrey's story intrigues me so much. This is all I'm gonna say about them for now, because if I want to talk more, I'll have to get into spoiler territory and talk about actual plot points.

Wholesome story, now this is the point I severely underestimated. Don't get me wrong, this story has a lot of great and wholesome moments, but there is much more to it.

WHA touches on a lot of (societal) themes I didn't expect. There is for example a big question about whether the rules the witches follow are wrong, and there are stong arguments for and against it. It isn't black and white and it definitely isn't simple.

The story is also very emotional. Volume 5 made me cry. I feel like I'm always expecting the story to slow down for a bit, but it doesn't.

My conclusion is: I'm having a great time getting immersed into the world, I can't wait to see how the anime animates the next chapters and this story definitely makes me think about a lot of stuff.

I'm gonna go and read volume 9 now.

[cosmicarp]

DIY Soulmate AU, Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | tba

I wasn't planning to write anymore of this quite yet, but Things Happened and here we are. Shuuichi POV this time (mostly), and a confrontation.

Warnings: attempted violence, depression, grief, passively suicidal Rei (he's not trying to kill himself, but if it happens, it happens, basically)

Enjoy. <3

⫘⫘⫘

Tension pulls Shuuichi's muscles tight, even as he just sits in an armchair by the window, watching over the professor's house from the spare bedroom upstairs. He's been on edge all day, the feeling of something hanging over him, and though he can't be sure what, exactly, will happen, he's prepared.

So when his thread tugs on his wrist, his reaction is curiosity, rather than surprise. Bourbon has been quiet for the last several weeks – both in his actions and his feelings. As far as Shuuichi can tell, he's just been working his day job at the cafe, rather than stalking Shuuichi's friends and family, and the grief he felt before stings less now – or, at the very least, he's masking it from their connection more carefully.

(Shuuichi had been tempted to follow his thread to Bourbon that day a couple months ago, to learn who it was he was grieving, but decided against it in the end. Imposing his presence on Bourbon at such a time felt gross in a way that he couldn't quite explain.)

The Bourbon situation is complicated. Shuuichi cared for him even before Bourbon forced their connection, but Scotch's death irreparably damaged whatever rapport they'd built; now, he's not sure how to proceed without getting both of them killed. If he'd been faster, or hadn't been distracted, he could've saved Scotch, he's sure of it. Bourbon wouldn't have had to lose his soulmate.

Because of his failure three years ago, he and Bourbon are suspended together in a state of irreconcilable tragedy. Bourbon believes him to be Scotch's murderer – and he might as well be – and yet, the truth would likely destroy him.

Shuuichi leaves his revolver behind when he heads downstairs; it's only been known to cause problems between them, and he isn't looking for a fight – even if he knows Bourbon is. He finds Bourbon in the kitchen, sitting at the dining table, his face propped up on his hands, as if he's an invited guest and has not, in fact, just broken in.

On the table, next to his elbow, is a sleek, black butterfly knife, open and ready for use.

He doesn't look at Shuuichi when he speaks, only continues to stare at the wall in front of him as he picks up the knife and strokes the blade gently along their thread. "How much will it hurt, do you think?" His eyes are half-lidded, and his voice sounds tired and jaded, almost completely emotionless.

"It could kill both of us," Shuuichi says slowly, taking only one step into the kitchen, closer to Bourbon.

Bourbon's grip on the knife's handle tightens. "And if it doesn't?"

"The pain will be excruciating, and likely never fully fade." That's only Shuuichi's best guess. He's done some research, knowing that Bourbon intends to hurt him one way or another, but there's, unsurprisingly, little information to be found about people who have survived multiple severed threads.

"Nothing I'm not used to, then," Bourbon replies dispassionately. It's only then that he turns to face Shuuichi, his usually-bright eyes dull and dark. "Tell me why you deserve to live, Akai Shuuichi."

Shuuichi studies him silently for a long moment. It's as if the fire that has carried Bourbon through these last three years is just gone, snuffed out by something beyond his knowledge. He seems broken, in a way that he hadn't even in the face of his soulmate's death. And as for Shuuichi, he doesn't have an answer that will satisfy Bourbon's question. "I don't. I've killed people with far less blood on their hands."

Bourbon's eyes widen slightly – the first sign of a spark Shuuichi has seen in him these past couple of minutes. "I see. So you admit you're a murderer."

"I've never denied that."

Silence hangs in the air between them for several seconds, before Bourbon follows that up with, "And Scotch?"

Exhaling slowly, Shuuichi picks his words carefully, and answers as honestly as he can bring himself to. "There is nothing I can say about that night that will take your pain away."

Anger and anguish flash across Bourbon's face, there one second and gone the next, but too striking for Shuuichi to have missed. "I just don't get you, FBI. Killing him accomplished nothing. You weren't brought into the inner circle, and you barely lasted another year with your cover intact. What was the point?!"

Shuuichi closes his eyes and sighs again – a risky move, given his company, but Bourbon doesn't seem primed to attack – yet. "I think it's best if we don't discuss that, actually. It's my fault he's dead; that's all you need to know."

A strangled, furious noise leaves Bourbon's throat, a distorted mix between a screech, a growl and a scream, like a wild animal fighting against its captor. Shuuichi's eyes fly open at the sound, just in time for Bourbon's chair to clatter to the ground as he lurches to his feet and lunges at him, knife still in hand.

"You bastard," he snarls, left hand clenched into Shuuichi's shirt, blade raised in the other hand. A strange sense of relief fills Shuuichi – Bourbon's anger is more familiar territory, something he knows he can handle. "He could've helped you!"

The problem is that he is now backed into a corner, both literally and figuratively, pressed between the wall and Bourbon. Telling the truth about that night on the rooftop would mean Bourbon finding out that his soulmate committed suicide; that would undoubtedly hurt so much more than the assumption that he was murdered in cold blood. But continuing to keep his secret means that Shuuichi will always be at risk of Bourbon snapping and killing both of them – and that's something Shuuichi just can't allow, not right now.

But maybe there's a third option, if he can just talk his way out of this precarious situation. He wraps his hand around the one Bourbon's using to grip the knife, holding him still. "I won't stop you from killing me, if that's what you want, but I'd like to make a suggestion."

"You are in no position to make demands!" Bourbon snaps, fighting against Shuuichi's hold, though Shuuichi's sure he could break free if he really wanted to. He makes a mental note of that.

Careful to keep his tone neutral, so as not to come off as condescending, Shuuichi replies, "I know. But I'm not asking this for myself."

Bourbon's eyes narrow in suspicion. He scoffs. "Don't tell me you're asking for my sake."

Although that's part of Shuuichi's reasoning, he knows that won't go over well. He answers, instead, "I would never presume to know what's best for you. I'm asking on Scotch's behalf."

As he expects, this sets off Bourbon's anger anew. "As if you have any right!"

"I don't. And I don't know you, not really, but I do know this: you love Scotch, and he was working to destroy the Organization. Why not continue his work? Finish what he started."

There's something in Bourbon's expression, after that, that Shuuichi can't quite read, beyond the rage and the hurt. Whatever it is, it doesn't stick around long, smothered under everything else. "Don't try to manipulate me, Akai," he growls. "If I wanted to destroy the Organization, I wouldn't need you alive to do it."

"Of course," Shuuichi agrees, fully aware of exactly how capable Bourbon is when he has his mind set to something – Shuuichi's current position all but proves that fact; he hadn't even heard Bourbon break in. "But killing me would put your health at risk in the best case scenario. Even if you don't want to work against the Organization, working for them in a vulnerable state is dangerous. I know you know that."

He has his theories about Bourbon. Before Scotch's suicide, Shuuichi was almost certain that Bourbon was a spy; after, there was suddenly another explanation for his behavior, knowing that Scotch and Bourbon were soulmates. Even if Bourbon himself wasn't a spy, he was close with one. His interests didn't align with the Organization.

He could, potentially, be swayed to Shuuichi's side, or at least convinced to cooperate with him.

As curious as he is about the truth surrounding Bourbon, Shuuichi doesn't currently have much to go on, as far as proving his initial suspicions. It doesn't matter, necessarily, as long as Bourbon doesn't go out of his way to cause trouble, but it would be nice to confirm, one way or another, where Bourbon's loyalties truly lie.

For now, he'll settle for 'not actively trying to murder him.'

Bourbon has always been fascinating to Shuuichi, a beautiful contradiction that he spent those first few years hoping to unravel. He played up his role as an unscrupulous recon agent, at least when the higher-ups were watching, but behind the scenes, when things were quieter, and Gin wasn't breathing down his neck, Bourbon had a penchant for actual sleuthing, and a distaste for unnecessary violence, suggesting his day job as a private detective was a much better fit for him than moonlighting as a criminal.

(Rye had asked him about this once, about the spark in his eye when he talked about his cases, and how he didn't seem to enjoy his role within the Organization. Bourbon had only fixed him with the most deadpan look he could muster and replied, "Finding lost pets doesn't pay the bills."

Knowing he wouldn't get anything more satisfying from the man, Rye hadn't asked again, though he didn't fully believe Bourbon's answer.)

The contradictions only grew in number when Scotch took his life. Bourbon, a man whose thought processes had always seemed to be grounded in logic and deductive reasoning, instead has spent years now in a grief- and rage-fueled haze, ruled entirely by his scarred, aching heart, and the void Scotch's death left inside him.

Despite being perfectly aware of these contradictions, and pleading to Bourbon's logical side, it comes as a bit of surprise when Bourbon rips his hand from Shuuichi's grip – that assumption proven correct, at least – but makes no move to harm him.

Seeing his opening, Shuuichi presses on. "You aren't loyal to them; you never have been. Help me take them down. After that, I'll leave myself to your mercy."

Bourbon watches him for a long moment, likely looking for even a hint of duplicity, but he'll find none. Shuuichi has no intention of turning on him, seeking only to reestablish some of the rapport, even temporarily, that was lost years ago, because he knows how powerful an ally Bourbon could be, should he choose to collaborate.

Finally, Bourbon takes a step back, removing his fist from Shuuichi's shirt, then closing his knife and pocketing it. "Fine," he grinds out, voice tight. "But if you even think about sending your FBI dogs after me, the deal's off."

"I won't," Shuuichi promises, though he knows Bourbon probably doesn't buy it. "I haven't yet, have I?"

"Keep it that way."

With nothing left to say between them, for now, Bourbon turns and leaves, walking out through the front door. Shuuichi briefly considers having the locks changed (or at least suggesting that to the homeowners), but decides it's unlikely to stop Bourbon, should he decide to show up again.

⫘

The subtle scent of cherry blossoms in the air, filtering in through the window just barely cracked open, has Rei's stomach clenching as he stares down at his phone. A half-empty bottle of whiskey sits on the floor next to him, no glass in sight because Rei didn't care enough to grab one.

"I'm sorry, Hiro," he mumbles drunkenly, as the picture of his best friend stares back at him. He's pretty sure he ran out of tears to cry the night Hiro died, but the way his heart screams in agony gives him a good fight.

He lifts the whiskey bottle and takes another long swig, enjoying the feeling of fire in his throat more than he probably should, wishing it would burn him completely, from the inside out. Anything to numb the pain.

Hiro's thirtieth birthday passes much the same way the last three had: in heavy, lonely silence.

[mysterious-cr0w]

I can't sleep, so instead I wrote whatever this is.

It was inspired by a scene from Season 2 Episode 8 of "Frieren Beyond Journey's End".

(CW Blood)

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

Akai was lying on his back, motionless. Rei could barely see his chest rise. The reckless idiot tried to save Rei's life by sacrificing himself. And now there was a pool of blood forming around him.

Rei himself was badly hurt. He could barely move, but he was determined to get to him. Akai Shuuichi was not allowed to die here, Rei wasn't done with him yet.

Pressing his knuckles into the concrete floor, Rei tried to push himself towards Akai. Centimeter by centimeter, he was getting closer, leaving a trail of blood behind him. It was agonizing; all he could feel was pain, but he didn't care.

It took Rei every ounce of strength he still possessed to keep going. At this point, he stayed conscious by willpower alone.

Akai's body was littered with deep cuts and bullet wounds on his torso. If he wanted a chance at surviving, Rei needed to stop the bleeding.

His brain was already foggy from the pain and blood loss, but Rei had to think. How could he stop the bleeding? The idea came as soon as he reached Akai. Rei was wearing a jacket. It was already destroyed, and with the knife on his belt, he could rip it apart and use it as temporary bandages.

He freed himself from his jacket and began to slowly cut it into stripes of fabric. He had to take several breaks to not lose consciousness, but in the end, he was successful.

Rei started dressing Akai's wounds, clenching his teeth while trying to prop himself up on his elbows to do so.

He wanted to curse and berate Akai. He wanted to yell at him for doing stupid things like saving Rei's life. But Rei didn't have the breath to say any of that. No matter how much he tried to fight it, he now cared deeply about Akai. And Akai cared deeply about him.

So, he just silently continued bandaging Akai's wounds. Once he was finished, every last amount of energy left his body all at once. Rei couldn't move anymore, but his work was done. Now he could only hope that somebody would find them in time. His vision grew blurry, and then the world was plunged into darkness.

𓅫

Jodie had already tried reaching Shuu multiple times through their communication device, but he didn't answer. So now, she was running through the building trying to find her friend.

At the end of a long corridor, there was a room with a destroyed wall. She could feel the wind blowing mercilessly, since she was on one of the upper levels of that building. That's when she saw them. At first, she could only see blood. It was all over the floor, and then her eyes fell onto the two men.

They were lying next to each other, Shuu on his back and Furuya on his stomach, with their hands were intertwined.

[mysterious-cr0w]

I have beef with the way some English words are spelled. I know the word, I know its meaning and how it's pronounced, but sometimes I don't even know how to start spelling it. -_-