Draw energy from the earth Admit power from the heavens Fertilize the seed within Let it sprout into a flower of pure light
Deng Ming Dao (via thecalminside)
KIROKAZE
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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EXPECTATIONS
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@mysticalmetacognition
Draw energy from the earth Admit power from the heavens Fertilize the seed within Let it sprout into a flower of pure light
Deng Ming Dao (via thecalminside)
Therapy and healing from CSA.
I finally started working through my trauma today with my therapist in a way that wasn't triggering, or pseudoerotic, or just going to re enact the trauma. He planted seeds last session, and it worked.. And today after the session I saw how his therapy worked. And wow. I just love his style of therapy and I want to learn how to be a therapist as effective as he has been for me. I actually feel like a weight has been lifted and I'm lighter, less "impure" than I have ever before. I was never impure. I was never tarnished. I am not a victim. I am empowered. I am in control of the direction my life takes. I am the master of my own domain. Im accepting my life, and letting go of hurts and traumas. In a way that is simple. Of all the factual negatives I have avoided since my inception. This personal journey of honest introspection and perpetual self refinement I have embarked upon since April has healed many wounds, and answered many questions. Family wounds make the burden difficult to bear. But I accept the cards I have been dealt. Life. Earth. I've been in therapy on a regular basis for 9 years and it has taken that long to truly touch on trauma in a way that is helpful, honest not just more hurtful. I did not dissociate, There was no transference to disfigure the therapeutic alliance, because Bella stayed away. I was present. This was terrifying to contemplate a year ago, but I'm so so so glad I took the step to see this therapist. I have so much respect for him on a professional level because he is good at what he does. I have seen INFINITE therapists whose textbook styles have been useless. P has the life experience and the intellect to work with me, as the client not let his internal baggage intervene. I haven't experienced that in my years of navigating the psychiatric field. Instead of me working as the therapist, when I'm meant to be a client such as I have done with other therapists before. We have a strong therapeutic alliance and healthy boundaries which is a new experience for me. I respect him and listen to the advice he gives. It's real therapy. It took me nine years to find a therapist who can actually treat me. I'm healing. I'm not afraid of discomforts and upheaval. I endured hell. Survived. Came back stronger. Over and over. I no longer feel victimised by my past. I feel motivated and blessed, because for without the pain how could I experience the passion that pertains to my true will? Sometimes I'm still so overcome with beauty and awe because life is paradise. Yet once upon a time all I yearned for was death. I almost succeeded, multiple times. i am here today BLESSED to be alive and breathing. I am beginning to know myself on a level I thought was impossible. I once shunned ever aspect of my nature due to shame and a self hate so vicious it devoured any semblance of my inner lifeforce. Although I wouldn't say I'm "cured" completely I think my personality disorder has been largely erased. I no longer meet diagnostic criteria for BPD. Complex PTSD and ADHD symptoms still reign and bipolar "manic depression" tendencies lie dormant in my genetic make up. I work with my nature abilities. I seek to avert the focus on my flaws, to find the positive points instead. I have overcome an eating disorder that was ingrained in my psyche for ??? Most of my life. I haven't self harmed since 2013/2014. I cut ties with my abusive co dependent NPD ex and haven't seen him since January.. and that was honestly the greatest gift I could give myself. I have broken the toxic attraction I had to narcissists. I find myself attracted to women, and have this man who I can talk for hours for who treats me like I'm a queen and we don't even have sex. Hell, I even gave up my ten year cigarette addiction. I can't even smoke weed from a bong anymore. Joints hurt my throat. I can't smoke. I used to fiend for smoke in my lungs, but now it burns my throat. I haven't really had sex in over a year (I think maybe a few times but with one partner) and my level of self respect and self worth has been exponential Some days are struggle, as flashbacks emerge and my repressed childhood memories resurface. But I simply use that pain to empower my true will. I am transmuting cumbersome lead into sparkling and glistening gold. I don't want to ever go back to how things were. Never. Ever.
Chaos Bomb
A curse to drop overwhelming chaos onto your target.
MATERIALS:
A jar
1 black candle
Shattered glass, broken ceramics, rusted nails, shredded paper, ash, broken rock, anything broken or decayed.
Storm water, war water, etc*
Herbs that represent chaos and/or cursing to you, for example red pepper flakes or poisonous herbs
Herbs that represent order or stability to you
Something from the target- name, dirt from their home, a picture, etc.
Paper and pencil
Music*
* Optional
First, put on music that gets your blood pumping. Something that’ll stir up some chaotic energy and tendencies in you. Keep that playing as you work.
Start by putting in some of the shattered glass or otherwise broken materials. Fill a paper envelope with the herbs that represent order and something to connect it to your target. Seal it, and draw the Concept’s Symbol for Order+ on it, as seen below.
In a fire-proof container, burn the envelope and speak (out loud or mentally) “With this fire, your comforting stability burns away.” Next, pour the ashes of the envelope
Next, if you have it, pour in your storm or war water. After that put in the herbs that represent chaos and/or cursing in and another thing to connect it to your target, followed by the rest of the broken material while speaking “Where once was order, now nothing but chaos exists.”
Cap the jar as tight as you can to make sure nothing escapes, then give it a good angry shaking. Focus as much chaotic energy and anger as you can muster and pour it into the jar. Next, take the black candle and carve the symbol for chaos+ into it.
Burn the candle all the way down so that the wax drips over and seals the jar. The black keeps the curse in and keeps it from seeping out to affect you. Finish the curse by saying “Chaos around you and Chaos within, there is no escape.”
+ If you don’t feel comfortable using things that are tied to the Five Concepts, feel free to replace these with your own sigils!
If you ever want to end the curse, carefully remove the wax off the jar and open it, pouring the contents out. Be sure to throw it away properly, and get it off your property asap!
Creative power can be used with devastating effect in the out-of-body environment, to deter and even damage troublesome astral wildlife. Anything created in the out-of-body environment is relatively solid there. As it is composed of the same basic substance as the environment itself, it is thus capable of directly affecting the contents of that environment. The effectiveness of a created object also depends on how much of a projector's energy is imparted into it during its creation. Projectors must feel a part of their own substance flowing into any item they create. This strengthens it and makes it more effective and enduring. The traditional approach to astral combat weaponry is for a projector to visualize and create a sword and armor. The armor offers protection and the sword is used as an offensive or defensive weapon. Swords, when created, must traditionally be blessed with the power of God before they are used. This increases their effectiveness dramatically; I recommend this be done before engaging in astral combat. Energy bolts can also be created and launched at offending astral wildlife. These are made to explode on contact. To use an energy bolt, construct a glowing-white ball of energy about the size of a golf ball with your imagination. You should feel some of your own energy flowing into this as you create it. This should be made to appear just in front of you and then quickly launched at the target. You should move the energy bolt with your mind as soon as it forms, feeling and seeing and imagining it as moving rapidly, expanding as it flies toward the target. This is made to explode sharply and loudly on impact by imagining and feeling it exploding as it strikes. With a little practice, an energy bolt can be made in a fraction of a second, with this process being rapidly repeated to create an energetic barrage. Energy beams and flames can also be created and made to shoot from the tip of a sword, although this takes more concentration and practice. Another way to fire energy bolts is to create a rocket launcher and use this to shoot explosive energy projectiles. Imagine and create the rocket launcher by holding its shape and image firmly in mind. Concentrate on this until it forms in your hands, feeling a part of yourself flowing into it as it forms. Alternatively, simply feel yourself as holding one without actually trying to see it. This weapon is fired with the mind, by feeling it as firing and imaging a bright projectile shooting from it and exploding on impact. You should feel a part of yourself going with each rocket fired. You always have plenty of energy to spare; it is constantly being resupplied by your physical/etheric counterpart. Any type of energy bolt will cause damage to entities, disrupting their substance and draining them of energy. The color used for projectiles can be varied and any bright color but black or gray can be used. White is the easiest and most popular color, but many people prefer to create energetic weaponry using their favorite color. As creating complex items can be difficult, I suggest new projectors focus on one simple object at a time. Creating a single weapon like a sword, or simple energy bolts by creating and using them one at a time, are probably the easiest ways to start. The distraction of creating and holding in shape multiple items may cause some items to fade, thus defeating the whole point of the exercise. If a simple sword is all a projector can manage to create, then the projector should use this on its own and not attempt creating fancy armor. Staying aware of the shape and feel of any created object will prevent it from fading, unless it has a shape and solidity of its own that does not take any effort to hold.
Your energy introduces you before you even speak.
Unknown (via deeplifequotes)
New study reveals deep cave exploration, as well as the oldest evidence of Neandertal building
Deep within a French cave where no light penetrates are two curious structures: large rings of stalagmites, some broken and arranged like the rails of old-fashioned wooden fences. When discovered in the early 1990s, scientists didn’t know what to make of the formations, which appeared to be fire-scorched in places. Now, they may have an answer: The rings were built by Neandertals, who learned to explore caves extensively and engaged in complex building behaviors like arranging stones more than 175,000 years ago, much earlier than thought.
The ancient structures—more than 330 meters inside the current entrance to the cave—include a scattering of small, deliberately arranged heaps of stone along with two large rings, one about 2.2 meters across and the other nearly three times that size. The rings and piles are made of about 400 stalagmites of similar size, weighing a total of 2.2 tons.
Most of the forearm-sized fragments are roughly cylindrical and were intentionally broken to the proper length, says Sophie Verheyden, a geologist at the Royal Belgian Institute of Natural Sciences in Brussels. That much is clear, she says, because the pieces are missing both their tips and their bases. “I’m a caver, and those structures are something like I’ve never seen before”…
ESPERANCE
[noun]
hope or expectation.
Etymology: from Old French, from Vulgar Latin sperantia (unattested), from Latin spērāre, “to hope”, from spēs, “hope”.
[Magdalena Pagowska - Hope]
Ever since I have returned home from Byron Bay I have had the inclination to pack my entire life up and move away.
Sydney sucks the life out of my soul.
Life will thrive without the pull of Sydney tainting my aura.
I taste possibility, and breathe hope imagining a world without the stale burden of suburbia.
It is overwhelming that I have let it come to this. Festering on for so long, hoping that at one point I would "grow out of it", or "become like the rest of them". But ten days after my 25th birthday I have concluded that nothing will change unless I set the plans into motion myself. I wasted seven or eight years chasing the dragon, following enigmatic rabbit holes in hope of salvation. I must accept this, and do the best with what I do have. Which is the now, the present. In that it is the realisation that everything is a process, and allowing myself to be, surrendering to the perpetual chaos of reality.
The thing is- I have never put sustainable, efficient and effective measures in place in order to remove myself from my current living situation.
The time to be independent, and hatch from my sixteen year shell of false comfortability
I refuse to waste another day drowning in the monotonous concrete hum of suburbia.
Neighbourhood rot and urban decay. Middle-class disenchantment and the irony of truth, folded up into an endless concave of suburban biobanks, disenchanted medical doctors and eloquent, well dressed and well mannered sadists.
Soulless meat slabs masquerading as lovers. Lies and the hushed lullabies of synchronised thought patterns. A vortex of emotional anguish plouging through the cyanide melodies reverberating off the walls of matchbox houses. Melodramatics folding out on communal display villages; the synthetic vindication of infared; the neuro-web of deception. Caged in a virtual prison; secure with the illusion of comfortability. . Each moment parading down the bitumen, my earphones firmly secured; teleporting my mind away from the banal hum of my surroundings. My time here has expired. I must move on. Sixteen years too long, too strong. Too many memories, embedded into the leaves falling down in the Autumn breeze.
The worst part is, that now all my obstacles are being removed. Any attempts to avoid fulfilling this impulse can only be attributed to one person- myself.
I am the only one holding me back.
I must unleash the beast, and ride the serpent. In order to adhere to my great work and higher self.
This personality disorder has arisen, and now I have reached the place where traumatic fragments come to die. Within this, my new self has arisen.
A person who suffers bitterly when slighted or insulted should recognize from this that he still harbors the ancient serpent in his breast. If he quietly endures the insult or responds with great humility, he weakens the serpent and lessens its hold. But if he replies acrimoniously or brazenly, he gives it strength to pour its venom into his heart and to feed mercilessly on his guts. In this way the serpent becomes increasingly powerful; it destroys his soul’s strength and his attempts to set himself right, compelling him to live for sin and to be completely dead to righteousness.
St. Symeon the New Theologian (via bast38)
Damballa or Damballah is one of the most important of all the Loa. Damballa is the Sky Father and the primordial creator of all life. He rules the mind, intellect, and cosmic equilibrium. Damballa, as the serpent spirit and “The Great Master”.
“My past does not haunt me” sigil -Kumora
Tough as a Nail, Sharp as a Thorn Protection Spell
This is a spell to help protect you from physical or emotional harm.
Ingredients:
Storm water
Rose thorns
Nails
Herbs for protection and strength (I used black pepper, ginger, basil, and oregano)
A jar
Optional: paper and something to write with, if you don’t want to say the spell out loud
Instructions:
Add protective herbs to your jar.
Add storm water to about halfway up the jar. While you add it, say “Strong as lightning, thunder, and rain, all attempts to harm me will be in vain.” If you can’t say the spell out loud, write it down on a piece of paper and add that into the jar.
Add the thorns and nails into the jar and say “Tough as a nail, sharp as a thorn, though this spell new strength will be born.” If you can’t say the spell out loud, write it down on a piece of paper and add that into the jar.
“It is easy to go down into Hell; night and day, the gates of dark Death stand wide; but to climb back again, to retrace one’s steps to the upper air — there’s the rub, the task.” –Virgil
Ghost talker? Vision poet? Soothsayer? Oracle? Bridge between worlds? There are many ways to describe shamans and the shamanism they practice, but basically shamanism is the most ancient spirituality, and for the most part you don’t choose it –it chooses you. Shamanism is mankind’s primordial soul-signature, tapping the cornerstone of the human leitmotif. Shamans are psycho-ecological vehicles for spiritual entanglement, and they realize that we are all unique expressions of the same ubiquitous energy. But they also realize that very few of us are actually aware of that fact. And even fewer are able to do something about it. As such, shamans are unique expressions of the human condition who are aware of their connection to all things, and who have acquired mysterious methods for doing something about it.
Although it’s a deeply powerful form of spirituality, it should not be taken lightly; or if it is taken lightly, it should be taken with a wholesome helping of “humble pie” along with a healthy side of “a humor of the most high.” This is because shamanism is a lopsided double edged sword. The ecstasy on the one side cuts deep and can be genuinely ecstatic, but the agony on the other side cuts to the soul and can be devastatingly dismal. The pain that comes from such knowledge can be a crippling thing, especially coming from a culture that’s hung-up on the bliss of its own ignorance. Like Wei Wu Wei said, “In order to be effective truth must penetrate like an arrow — and that is likely to hurt.” The truth hurts, but cosmic truth hurts most of all. Shamans are the one’s becoming intimate with such pain. Here are five ways being a shaman totally sucks but is also secretly awesome.
1.) You will be shunned by friends and family:
“What is it we are questing for? It is the fulfillment of that which is potential in each of us. Questing for it is not an ego trip; it is an adventure to bring into fulfillment your gift to the world, which is yourself. There is nothing you can do that’s more important than being fulfilled. You become a sign, you become a signal, transparent to transcendence; in this way you will find, live, become a realization of your own personal myth.” –Joseph Campbell
Shamanism grabs your Destiny by the throat and does not let go. Once it clamps on with its death-grip hold, there is no going back. The shamanic initiation can appear spontaneously, as a blunder, or as an unlucky (lucky) break. It can arrive through super-serendipity, as a chance occurrence, or a cruel twist of fate. It can come through new life, or through unexpected death, or both. It can come from another shaman, or even a raging thunderstorm. There’s no telling when or where it will happen, but when it happens you know it. The universe lines up like a divine fisherman, and you are the magical fish caught on the hook of primordial Time. The kind of knowledge gained is a bone-knowledge, a marrow-deep wisdom, a soul-caliber comprehension. This will, in small and large ways, cause complete havoc in the hyperreal world of the average person. Such havoc is scary for most people, and since your friends and your family include most people, they will more than likely be scared of your newfound unorthodox spirituality.
Their shunning is a double edged sword: you will be dubbed crazy, insane, and eccentric on the one side, and arrogant, conceited, and even selfish on the other side. But they don’t even understand the nature of selfishness; as Oscar Wilde wrote, “Selfishness is not living your life as you wish. It is asking others to live their life as you wish.” You understand that it’s society itself that’s being selfish for asking you to live the way it wishes. Your refusal to be pigeonholed by the status quo is why they despise you. Anybody who takes up the lifestyle or attitude of artificiality will not be able to stand you, because you have become a natural being. You are now of the earth. You have re-discovered your roots, through soulful self-interrogation and self-rewilding. By your very presence you catalyze. You are a great fermentation. The unconscious of anyone living in an artificial manner will sense you as doubly dangerous. Everything about you will irritate them, especially your sense of humor. They sense nature in you, and they are scared shitless of it. But don’t lose heart. You are vitally necessary to tonalize this otherwise atonal world.
2.) Love itself becomes a painful ability:
“If you love and have desires, let these be your desires: To know the pain of too much tenderness; to be wounded by your own understanding of love; and to bleed willingly and joyfully.” –Khalil Gibran
Here’s the thing: we live in a world filled with victims who have been victimized by a victimizing culture. Victims are victims precisely because they are afraid. Once they cease being afraid, once they quit allowing their fears to control them and become intimate with Fear instead, they cease being victims and become warriors. Shamans are spiritual warriors par excellenceprecisely because they are healers of fear. They help people move from a state of fear and expectation to a higher state of awareness where imagination is free to reimagine itself. Like Stephen Levine said, “To heal is to touch with love that which was previously touched by fear.” They realize that fearlessness is not the rejection of fear, it is intimacy with fear. It’s in the intimacy where the healing takes place. That’s where the ashes can be transformed into a Phoenix. Like Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
Love itself is the seer’s tool, the shaman’s soulcraft. Just as only love can drive out hate, only love can drive out fear. Only intimacy with fear can transform fear into courage. The catch: this particular flavor of intimacy is excruciatingly painful. It tears apart the soul with its counterintuitive energy, but then it puts it back together again with the unconditional glue that maintains the unity of opposites. It’s a deep, cosmic love, an absolute love that subsumes the slings and arrows of vicissitude, but also leaves its practitioner in a constant state of existential pain that he/she must be able to resolve in the hear-and-now while also understanding that it will ultimately never really be resolved. Almost like the joy of the journey is always now, whether or not the goal of the journey is ever achieved. Only the “joy” is no joy at all but rather an intimacy with pain, a primordial jouissance. Like Joseph Campbell said, “The schizophrenic is drowning in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.”
3.) You will experience Soul-crushing loneliness:
“The distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.” –Albert Einstein
Never underestimate the ignorant power of “the armor of the ‘I.’” It forms itself under the naïve assumption that things are separate. It is constructed under the desperate assertion of maintaining a separate identity. It closes you off until all of your powers of perception can only “see” through the narrow chinks of the all-too-human cavern of self-bias. Most of us grow up in a world where this sort of armor is constantly being manufactured. We become attached to it. It becomes a kind of hyperreal skin. Shamans are the ones ripping that skin off, which is likely to hurt. But we have only to remember that it’s no skin at all –it’s metal, it’s machine-like. It is not you! It is a prison disguised as you. A shaman can help you by opening the door to your prison, but only you can walk through it to taste the freedom on the other side. But, fair warning: it is going to hurt like hell. You will experience one of mankind’s most debilitating pains: loneliness.
Here’s the thing: you have to feel lost and lonely in order to feel the real You as you. You are a microcosm within a macrocosm, a desperate tiny thing in an otherwise calm universe, but you are also an aspect of the universe. You can no more separate the micro from the macro than you can the human from the natural; both are needed to put the whole into holistic. This is the great lesson of loneliness: it’s only when you’re alone that you realize you’re never alone. Like Nietzsche said, “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” Such privilege is a double-edged sword. It will liberate you on the one side, but it will crush you with loneliness on the other side. Do not balk. Self-pity is poison for a shaman. Like Rumi said, “Wherever you stand, be the soul of that place.” Seek the center of your loneliness and transform it into interdependence. Loneliness is merely the shadow of the self. Embrace the shadow, dance with it in the abyss, and you will never (always) be alone again.
4.) You will be destroyed over and over again between worlds:
“The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness.” –Andre Malraux
Your soul will constantly be forced to eat itself. You will face death every day in the abyss. You have to constantly be able to “die” and rebirth your own energy. Like Henry Miller said, “We must die as egos and be born again in the swarm, not separated and self-hypnotized, but individual and related.” You must be able to destroy yourself and then rebuild yourself. This is the shamanic dance on God’s forehead, the eternal dance on the Divine Third Eye: the uncanny ability to be born, to die, and to be reborn, over and over again, and in each new life, to become a thing which is more capable of subsuming cosmos than in the life before. Where you are receptive to stimuli to which, in the time before, you were insensate. This is done between worlds. It’s done in the shadowy unconscious of the soul.
“Evil Can Not See Me”
Johannes Faust - Magia Naturalis et Innaturalis, 1505.
Renown for its rich illustrations, this book is essentially a black-magical grimoire dedicated to the advanced kabbalist, who is instructed in the art of coercing, binding and making obedient the various Spirits and Demons. The book is also known as “The Black Raven”, perhaps in reference to its title page, which shows a black corvid inside a circle.
The main motif of the book is the “Harrowing of Hell”, the descent of Christ into Hell, which is re-enacted by the practitioner. The Spirits, such as Aciel, Anael and the tutelary Mephistophiel/ Mephistophiles, are illustrated in full colour and their peculiarities pertaining to their different appearances and modes of calling and commanding are described in detail. In addition are given countless Sigils for the Spirits and Circles, typically coloured in black and red (a trademark of this book). The Spirits are in fact Demons, or Fallen Angels, who were once of heavenly origin, as is implied by the suffix “-el”. Noteworthy, the Spirits are made to appear and manifest physically before the practitioner. Lengthy prayers to God and the Archangels (called upon by hundreds of names) are given to protect the practitioner and camouflage the black-magical nature of the workings.