※ JENNA MARBLES SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. XI ※
here’s sentences from jenna’s 10 most recent videos! feel free to change names/pronouns/zodiac signs/etc.! more jenna sentences
I COOK MY BOYFRIEND’S FAVORITE MEAL
“Is this a leisure suit?”
“This is my own, customized, personal leisure suit.”
“I’m pretty sure that you got that out of my closet.”
“I bought it today with your credit card.”
“She drank wine, demanded greatness, and I delivered.”
“I guess it’s only fair - you did all that cooking for me, now I’ll do it for you.”
“I’m looking forward to the fact that you’re not going to be in the kitchen.”
“I should’ve never made this video.”
“Thank you, this is actually helpful.”
“Get your beer off the cutting board.”
“This recipe really requires a lot of knife skills that I don’t have.”
“How many times have things caught on fire?”
“I like this encouragement.”
“Seven fucking hours later, I’m still cutting these carrots.”
“I didn’t do that with you… I mean, I did, a little bit.”
“You’re not banned from the kitchen, with no arms.”
“I mean, I’m not the most gifted chopper, but this is nice and even.”
“This isn’t really looking that right.”
“This is not dough whatsoever. This is just a bowl of flour.”
“People make dumplings for fun?”
“Don’t worry, all you have to do is individually, carefully craft them by hand.”
“You asked me what I wanted, and I told you.”
“I’m hungry. I want to spend the next seven hours making my food.”
“I feel like this is the kind of dish that would break me. Like, I’m gonna cry.”
“It’s crazy how quickly I can eat one of these.”
“You told me this was gonna work.”
“This doesn’t look good at all.”
“If this doesn’t work, I’m gonna cry, and we’re just gonna starve.”
“It’s so thicc with two Cs.”
“Wait, so you can do this without being fancy, because, do I look like a fancy person to you?”
“I don’t like dumplings anymore, I just decided I’m allergic to dumplings.”
“I wanna move on with my life… I wanna get excited about my life.”
“Don’t cry and sing Dr. Phil.”
“Whoever invented dumplings is a sick, bored fuck.”
“These better be the best dumplings you’ve ever had, because, let me tell you something, it’s not worth it.”
“Somebody’s gonna die today.”
“That was the best part of my day, right there.”
“This is a terrifying food.”
“This is a violent dish.”
“I feel like they’re too hot to eat… only one way to test it.”
“This was worth all the stress and fury you went through.”
“How did you eat that, that’s so hot…!?”
“Why are all your recipes dangerous? Does it make your food taste better if it’s kind of dangerous?”
“It’s getting everywhere, I don’t like this.”
“I swear to god, I don’t want to go to the hospital tonight.”
“I know you had to be patient today, which you’re not used to being.”
“There’s nothing comforting about cooking these. It’s just violent, and tense, and stressful.”
CUTTING AND COLORING MY OWN HAIR 2
“He should’ve learned his lesson the first time he left me.”
“I’m really having a great time only doing my own hair.”
“A semi-permanent isn’t really a commitment.”
“It’s like a low-commitment tattoo.”
“If this is truly semi-permanent, I can do this shit whenever I want.”
“Guess who doesn’t give a fuck about her hair? Me, bitch.”
“Does this part feel like Doritos? Yeah, it does, but it’s all part of the journey.”
“I have great technique, I’m a born natural, bitch.”
“Instead of wearing a dumpy shirt that I don’t care about, I’ll wear my favorite shirt so that it forces me to be careful.”
“We’re making a semi-commitment right now.”
“Fuck it, let’s go to the Dark Side.”
“Oh, I’m making it worse.”
“Listen to that, doesn’t it sound like hair care at it’s finest?”
“All you people that joke about not going outside enough and not getting enough sun, try me, bitch.”
“Oh, how did this happen?”
“Why do we even bother wearing gloves?”
“I’m excited to see just how semi-permanent this is.”
“I am second guessing my methods.”
“Give me your honest opinion. What do you think?”
“I didn’t just want this color on my hair. I wanted it all over my face, body, and neck.”
“This is kind of fucking rad.”
“I dyed my hair by myself, at home, alone.”
“It’s dark, it’s fun, I look like a superhero.”
“Don’t even bother with all this parting shit, just get in there and do it.”
“Should I just go full bang? Should I do it?”
“I’m trying to do the most efficient thing.”
“I look like my mom in, like, 1960.”
“I’m trying to get to the point in life where, someday, when my kids see pictures and videos of me, they’re like, who the fuck is that?”
“This might be one of my favorite looks.”
“Boy, who the fuck do you think did it?”
“Why do I feel like that’s not true?”
“You look so fucking cute.”
“It says semi-permanent, I feel like it’s low-commitment.”
“I’m such a big fan of it.”
“Yeah, just give me a score out of ten, be as brutal as you want.”
“We’re gonna do some research, we’ll be back.”
TAKING MY DOG TO MEET SANTA
“That’s a great way of getting kicked right out of the mall and being asked to never come back.”
“I’m really hoping that they let us do this.”
“I don’t think that they allow dogs in this mall.”
“It says no dogs here, but then you see, like, seventy people with their dogs.”
“That was so easy and painless.”
“Never use the words ‘cuck’ and ‘Santa’ in the same sentence ever again.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t want to bug you guys.”
“Make sure you’re very kind and supportive of him.”
“I like magic and believing too.”
“The best part of snow globes is when Christmas is over you smash them on the ground.”
“Oh, fuck, here we go again.”
“The entire highway’s basically shut down.”
“The air quality is terrible - it sucks to go outside.”
“I spent $80 on this picture.”
RECREATING THE HAMSTER PICTURE
“You know what you’re signing up for, okay?”
“It’s not dumb, it needs to happen.”
“We are going to go rent a red convertible.”
“No, we’re not going to Tuscon.”
“Don’t tell anybody, but we’re faking this whole thing.”
“Alright, we’re fucked already.”
“No one has a fucking red convertible.”
“It’s weird, it’s like it’s not 1995 anymore.”
“You literally took like 100 pictures.”
“This is really stupid, but if we don’t do it, who’s gonna do it?”
“We tried and failed to rent a red convertible.”
“A sincere thank you for wasting your day.”
“We just wanted to make a meme.”
GIVING MYSELF TAPE IN HAIR EXTENSIONS
“I’ve used them, like, five times, tops.”
“It felt wrong, it looked wrong.”
“I feel like I’m missing out on the fun.”
“That sounds like the level of commitment I would like to make.”
“I want to ring in the new year looking like a snack.”
“I watched one tutorial on how to do it.”
“Should I really just go full-blown ‘I’m lost at the supermarket, can you please help me’?”
“We’re already off to a really mediocre start.”
“I hope that you brought a snack and have nothing to do today.”
“There’s no rules, right?”
“I legitimately don’t know how to part my hair.”
“Oh my god, what have I done?”
“Why are you laughing? Is it my scrunchie?”
“This is quite possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
“If I was an alien, and I came to this planet, I feel like one of the things that I’d find absolutely hysterical is that we like to wear each other’s hair.”
“I’m in the middle of the hardest part, you’re such a fucking asshole.”
“Is that something I should’ve figured out beforehand?”
“We only have like seventy more.”
“Overall, it’s been kind of a nice experience.”
“It was hard. I tried my best. It was my first time.”
“I’ve never done this before. Obviously.”
“I know my appearance is jarring.”
“It takes a lot of work to look this great.”
“You’re quite literally mixing up two of the most prominent X-Men right now.”
“Gambit throws playing cards. That’s it. That’s the end of Gambit.”
“I’m trying to shave my face, not get in an argument about Gambit.”
“He’s just a weird magician that was looking for a group of friends.”
“Do you wanna feel my face?”
“Wanna come over and watch me shave my face?”
“Your skin looks really good, it’s glowing.”
“Now I can do some violent shit to my face.”
“It said don’t shave your eyes, otherwise I would.”
“We’re getting ready, are you getting ready with me or not?”
“I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup, but I put it on.”
“I feel like the payoff is amazing.”
“Why have you been hiding this secret from me?”
“I know this isn’t super duper exciting, but, for me, this is so exciting.”
“I ask Julien for a cat just about every day, and the answer is always no.”
“Our landlord won’t let us have any more animals.”
“No, what? That’s not part of this?”
“What this really is is just for you to get comfortable with a cat, and then like it, and then get me a cat.”
“That’s what today’s about.”
“I’m ready, I know you’re ready.”
“That’s the whole day today.”
“We’re not getting a cat, like, ever. No.”
“Getting a cat will help you be less of an Aries.”
“Sit wherever you wanna sit, do whatever you want.”
“That was a weird thing that you just did.”
“So… do you want to get one tomorrow, or… the day after?”
“I’m right here, and I have not agreed to anything.”
“Don’t pretend like you can’t hear me.”
“Who said that? Benjamin Franklin or Jesus?”
“I don’t know what’s going on.”
GIVING MYSELF A 90′S HAIR WRAP
“I’m shaving every time from here on out.”
“It’s basically a friendship bracelet on your hair.”
“You are much bolder than me, and do your thing.”
“Get you a man that pumps you up.”
“What camps did you go to when you were a kid?”
“Rules are made to be broken, sister.”
“Where are you going? Why are you leaving?”
“Are you calling me a preteen right now?”
“Oh, this is hard to do on yourself.”
“When you take a shower, this thing stays wet for fucking days.”
“On a scale of one to snack, how are you feeling?”
“We didn’t have lettermen jackets in seventh grade.”
“My first kiss was in seventh grade.”
“Do you know how hard it is to play clarinet with braces?”
“What the fuck is the big deal? This sucked. I hated it.”
“Oh, damn, you’ve been dating older girls for a while.”
“This takes me back so hard, wow.”
“No one please remind me that I fucked this up or else I’ll be very upset.”
“I feel like this a thing that twelve-year-olds and grandmas would be like, hell yeah.”
“That’s like buying a coloring book colored.”
“I have yet to do something that I really didn’t enjoy.”
“I worked hard on this for six minutes.”
“We’re not friends anymore.”
“In case you thought I was done here, though, you’d be incorrect.”
“She was my favorite singer in the 90’s, and then I graduated to Sarah McLaughlin.”
“First of all, this is a deadly fucking weapon.”
“Ow, don’t pull it, oh my god, don’t pull on it.”
MAKING TERRIBLE HOT GLUE CRAFTS
“I got, like, physically angry. I got hot in the face, and was kind of mad.”
“The things that people will do with a hot glue gun and call it a hack is just… beyond.”
“I cannot justify spending my time that way.”
“If anyone’s actually going to sit down and do these crafts, it’s going to be me.”
“Yeah, I’ve got some time to kill and some glue to waste.”
“Do you see my hands shaking already? Like, I’m tired. This is exhausting.”
“I’m a little confused as to why you’re spending this kind of money to glue yourself a pair of shoes that have holes in the bottoms.”
“I’m just gonna do it on my table because I’ve stopped giving a fuck.”
“I have strong, meaty arms which sometimes look fat in shirts.”
“I’m not trying to stifle anyone’s creativity, but this is a fucking waste of time.”
“I think this is a very loose definition of ‘shoes’.”
“I’m just sort of waiting for it to be over.”
“I’m just settling for blobby blob mess at this point, because I just don’t care.”
“They’re not structurally sound anywhere.”
“After a couple of seconds, it physically starts to hurt.”
“They’re not shoes at all, this is not okay.”
“This doesn’t feel good, and they don’t work.”
“I will never get this part of my life back.”
“No, you can’t do this, it’s not okay.”
“This is not a solution to any problem, this is a mess.”
“I don’t care about the rest of this paper, I’m not going to use it for anything.”
“I love my money. I love just taking it and dumping it in the toilet.”
“You could maybe wear this for fifteen minutes before it inevitably broke.”
“Just because you can make it, doesn’t mean you should.”
“This does not work, this does not work, this doesn’t work, okay, it’s working.”
“I’m trying my best, I’m not trying to fuck this up.”
“Does it look good? Does it look like tears and sadness?”
“I’m mad at myself. I can’t believe I’ve done this.”
“I really can’t handle another time like this. This is a dark time.”
“I did it, and I’m here to tell you it’s not worth it.”
“I feel sad on the inside, I don’t like it.”
“These are not life hacks. Do I look like someone whose life is better after doing this?”
“They don’t work and it pisses me off. This is a lie.”
“This is what happens when you leave. You can’t leave. You have to stay.”
“Does it look better like this? No — that’s worse. That’s worse, I’m sorry.”
“I’m just having one of those days when I just want to curl up under a blanket.”
“I’m having a day where I’m not a person.”
“I’m so sorry, man, it’s just not in the cards for today.”
“I know you have days like this, too.”
“It doesn’t matter when you’re having a day like this.”
“Just to be clear, you don’t want to go to the ER?”
“What’s going on with your pants?”
“I’m gonna go ahead and burn myself.”
“Maybe, instead of going out for a date right now, we can, when we sit down and have dinner, we can light a candle and hold hands the whole time we eat.”
“I’m gonna eat once now and once in two hours and it’s gonna be gone.”
“Do you think we have a tablespoon? Because I’m not going to the store.”
“Don’t listen to him, that is not true.”
“It’s really good, I burnt my tongue a little bit.”
“First of all, it’s amazing, second of all, it’s amazing, third of all… what?”
“Literally walking through the middle of TSA - that’s a bad time to have soup.”
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