Ah I forgot to do my readings for today...I'll have to do that again soon :/ I'm trying to build up my reading tolerance since my adhd is so bad when I'm off meds but I adore it so much!
If I can complete a Vipassana un medicated I can do this 💪 😤
Sure my adhd is a lot worse these days but I didn't let that stop me from pursuing Buddhism at the time and it sure won't stop me from reading now!
I bought Walmart glasses to read because I have to schedule some eye exams for my first pair of actual glasses 🥂
Im getting better every day today was just really hard.
Hermes is talking with me and explained that I have a lot of issues with cognitive function because I don't shut down that aspect, im so used to being used as a channel or some other tool for divination for so long (especially in my developmental years) that I just didn't learn how to turn it off
He said he's going to help teach me how to live more in balance with it, because I've grown to fear living without it, to live consciously and in the moment, awake rather than asleep.
Time to stop being the dreamer and begin to step into what I am meant to be...I suppose...
Wether I like it or not haha
It's good for me though... im happy I have them im happy theyr really here again
Edit: correction Hermes is teaching me how to live in balance not to shut off that im a dreamer, I can still do both and Apollos stated before that my best predictions and such come from my dreams...wild because I thought my scrying was my best work, or gazing?? I'm so excited to see what dreams have to offer!
Another very good book I've started reading called Dreaming the Divine! Do check it out it seems to be a very balanced view on spiritual deaming, and includes rituals, guidance, techniques and much more practical info!
Note this is generally centered around Mediterranean traditions belifes and mythos!
Heres another intresting snippet that may be good for some Apollo followers!
I'll leave the full explanation for those who wish to read the book (The Oracles Of Apollo)
The birth
Leto, Apollos mother. couldn't give birth anywhere on Mother Earth (due to Heras' anger with her for Zeus was the father), so she went to Delos for it was a floating island not connected by earth.
(Notes! Artemis was born first on the sixth day after the new moon! And so it is sacred to her. She also helped deliver her younger twin, Apollo, which is why women in labor may call on her)
(Notes! Swans are also sacred to Apollo! Who was born at dawn on the seventh day on the seventh month, Delphinios [the first month after winter solstice] )
Hera was, according to some accounts, the eldest daughter of Cronos and Rhea, and a sister of Zeus. (Hom. Il. xvi. 432; comp. iv. 58; Ov. Fast. vi. 29.) Apollodorus (i. 1, § 5), however, calls Hestia the eldest daughter of Cronos; and Lactantius (i. 14) calls her a twin-sister of Zeus. According to the Homeric poems (Il. xiv. 201, &c.), she was brought up by Oceanus and Thetys, as Zeus had usurped the throne of Cronos; and afterwards she became the wife of Zeus, without the knowledge of her parents. This simple account is variously modified in other traditions.
Going based off gut feeling Heista is the eldest with Hera being the twin of Zeus at least time wise, however I'm not sure if that would cause conflict with Kronos eating his young as there isnt any record that I've seen stating Kronos also ate his daughters.
However that doesn't mean he didn't, I believe he absolutely ate all the children he could as in my own experiences Kronos is a fearful being to say the least.
But this is a loose reading of an Encyclopedia, I would like to read the Apollodorus and find for myself what I think.
Being a daughter of Cronos, she, like his other children, was swallowed by her father, but afterwards released (Apollod. l. c.), and, according to an Arcadian tradition, she was brought up by Temenus, the son of Pelasgus. (Paus. viii. 22. § 2; August. de Civ. Dei, vi. 10.) The Argives, on the other hand, related that she had been brought up by Euboea, Prosymna, and Acraea, the three daughters of the river Asterion (Paus. ii. 7. § 1, &c.; Plut. Sympos. iii. 9); and according to Olen, the Horae were her nurses. (Paus. ii. 13. § 3.) Several parts of Greece also claimed the honour of being her birthplace; among them are two, Argos and Samos, which were the principal seats of her worship. (Strab. p. 413; Paus. vii. 4. § 7; Apollon. Rhod. i. 187.)
Most common belief is Argos was her proper birthplace from what I've gathered and that the sisters or the Horae were the ones to nurse her.
I've noticed golden horses adorning her armor as well, I wonder why she appears as such in my visions.
Her marriage with Zeus also offered ample scope for poetical invention (Theocrit. xvii. 131, &c.), and several places in Greece claimed the honour of having been the scene of the marriage, such as Euboea (Steph. Byz. s. v. Karustos), Samos (Lactant. de Fals. Relig. i. 17), Cnossus in Crete (Diod. v. 72), and Mount Thornax, in the south of Argolis. (Schol. ad Theocrit. xv. 64; Paus. ii. 17. § 4, 36. § 2.) This marriage acts a prominent part in the worship of Hera under the name of hieros gamos; on that occasion all the gods honoured the bride with presents, and Ge presented to her a tree with golden apples, which was watched by the Hesperides in the garden of Hera, at the foot of the Hyperborean Atlas. (Apollod. ii. 5. § 11; Serv. ad Aen. iv. 484.)
Beutifull but no real notes here.
The Homeric poems know nothing of all this, and we only hear, that after the marriage with Zeus, she was treated by the Olympian gods with the same reverence as her husband. (Il. xv. 85, &c.; comp. i. 532, &c., iv. 60, &c.) Zeus himself, according to Homer, listened to her counsels, and communicated his secrets to her rather than to other gods (xvi. 458, i. 547). Hera also thinks herself justified in censuring Zeus when he consults others without her knowing it (i. 540, &c.); but she is, notwithstanding, far inferior to him in power; she must obey him unconditionally, and, like the other gods, she is chastised by him when she has offended him (iv. 56, viii. 427, 463). Hera therefore is not, like Zeus, the queen of gods and men, but simply the wife of the supreme god. The idea of her being the queen of heaven, with regal wealth and power, is of a much later date. (Hygin. Fab. 92; Ov. Fast. vi. 27, Heroid. xvi. 81; Eustath. ad Hom. p. 81.) There is only one point in which the Homeric poems represent Hera as possessed of similar power with Zeus, viz. she is able to confer the power of prophecy (xix. 407). But this idea is not further developed in later times. (Comp. Strab. p. 380; Apollon. Rhod. iii. 931.)
I refer to Queen Hera as such out of respect for her authority and power because I know Zeus treats her with respect and love. He is simply superior in power and ability, but he does not abuse that to degrade her or put her down, rather he lifts her up with him. Ive noticed that if you actually work with Lord Zeus he talks about her quite often, he loves her deeply and I know she loves him.
Wether or not she is truly of equal power, he still respects her council and she is still bold enough to face him and tell him if she sees something is even remotely off.
That is a boldness and a spirit I so admire and adore, the ability to stand up for ones self no matter who it is. She has my endless respect.
Her character, as described by Homer, is not of a very amiable kind, and its main features are jealousy, obstinacy, and a quarrelling disposition, which sometimes makes her own husband tremble (i. 522, 536, 561, v. 892.) Hence there arise frequent disputes between Hera and Zeus; and on one occasion Hera, in conjunction with Poseidon and Athena, contemplated putting Zeus into chains (viii. 408, i. 399). Zeus, in such cases, not only threatens, but beats her; and once he even hung her up in the clouds, her hands chained, and with two anvils suspended from her feet (viii. 400, &c., 477, xv. 17, &c.; Eustath. ad Hom. p. 1003). Hence she is frightened by his threats, and gives way when he is angry; and when she is unable to gain her ends in any other way, she has recourse to cunning and intrigues (xix. 97). Thus she borrowed from Aphrodite the girdle, the giver of charm and fascination, to excite the love of Zeus (xiv. 215, &c.). By Zeus she was the mother of Ares, Hebe, and Hephaestus (v. 896, Od. xi. 604, Il. i. 585; Hes. Theog. 921, &c.; Apollod. i. 3. § 1.) Respecting the different traditions about the descent of these three divinities see the separate articles.
And this is why we read and we don't take all of what one author(s) say(s) about a god as law.
Homer is a wonderfull author(s) in the sense that the storys are theatrical and intresting, however one must wonder how much of it was played up for the drama and how much was actual documentation of how the gods acted towards and with eachother.
Homer is also known for making the majority of his woman portrayals as women of jealousy trying to overtake men or get back at them, even siding with Hesiods interpertation of Pandora being the worst and first woman to ever be made. I doubt this entry is so simple. We don't even know the half of what went down to bring them to that point. What we do know is what we have now and what we have now is experiences and stories brought to us by those who practice and converse with Deity's regularly.
I am more likely to trust those who practice with said Deity's than an author making money centuries ago
Still, I won't entirely brush off Homer for this I just dispise homers view of Hera and specifically the women interpertations written by Homer. And I am here to learn, ultimately.
Properly speaking, Hera was the only really married goddess among the Olympians, for the marriage of Aphrodite with Ares can scarcely be taken into consideration; and hence she is the goddess of marriage and of the birth of children. Several epithets and surnames, such as Eileithuia, Gamêlia, Zugia, Teleia, &c., contain allusions to this character of the goddess, and the Eileithyiae are described as her daughters. (Hom. Il. xi. 271, xix. 118.) Her attire is described in the Iliad (xiv. 170, &c.); she rode in a chariot drawn by two horses, in the harnessing and unharnessing of which she was assisted by Hebe and the Horae (iv. 27, v. 720, &c., viii. 382, 433). Her favourite places on earth were Argos, Sparta, and Mycenae (iv. 51).
These are important notes to remember if you are a practicing Hellenic Pagan and want to know more About Hera and her likes or dislikes.
Favorite places were Argos, Sparta and Mycenae. I'll have to give those places a look some time and read up on them more.
Final
Respecting the real significance of Hera, the ancients themselves offer several interpretations: some regarded her as the personification of the atmosphere (Serv. ad Aen. i. 51), others as the queen of heaven or the goddess of the stars (Eurip. Helen. 1097), or as the goddess of the moon (Plut. Quaest. Rom. 74), and she is even confounded with Ceres, Diana, and Proserpina. (Serv. ad Virg. Georg. i. 5). According to modern views, Hera is the great goddess of nature, who was every where worshipped from the earliest times. The Romans identified their goddess Juno with the Greek Hera
I really must read the Apollodorus
We still possess several representations of Hera. The noblest image, and which was afterwards looked upon as the ideal of the goddess, was the statue by Polycletus. She was usually represented as a majestic woman at a mature age, with a beautiful forehead, large and widely opened eyes, and with a grave expression commanding reverence. Her hair was adorned with a crown or a diadem. A veil frequently hangs down the back of her head, to characterise her as the bride of Zeus, and, in fact, the diadem, veil, sceptre, and peacock are her ordinary attributes. A number of statues and heads of Hera still exist.
Hera was the ancient Greek Queen of the Gods, and the goddess of marriage, women, the sky and the starry heavens. She was usually depicted a
The god was raised in secrecy on Mount Dikte in Krete (Crete) where he was nursed by nymphs on the milk of the goat Amaltheia and guarded by the warrior Kouretes (Curetes) who drowned out the sound of his crying with their shield-clashing battle-dance.
How stunning to live amongst the titans and be nursed by ancient beings protected and loved deeply by them, to know you have a home a place to grow, and be nurtured. Beutifull, with a twinge of envy, but who wouldn't be awe struck by him and his life.
Sheild clashing battle dance sounds so interesting
she gave a great stone wrapped in swaddling clothes. Then he took it in his hands and thrust it down into his belly: wretch! he knew not in his heart that in place of the stone his son was left behind,
Ill just let this be here with a smile
And he(Zeus) set free from their deadly bonds the brothers of his father, sons of Ouranos [the Hekatonkheires (Hecatoncheires) and Kyklopes (Cyclopes)] whom his father in his foolishness had bound.
And they remembered to be grateful to him for his kindness, and gave him thunder and the glowing thunderbolt and lightening: for before that, huge Gaia (Earth) had hidden these. In them he trusts and rules over mortals and immortals."
Absolutely stunning, I didn't know that was how he got his lightning and thunder. Very intresting
Also now I'm fairly certain with the mentions of deathless god being titans that Deathless God means the generation of titans that came before, but we'll see.
I want to read more from other authors so we'll see how that goes. I do like the Pseudo-Apollodorus but I've heard not the best things from it
Still, I wonder if it's better than Hesiod.
Not in this case in my opinion Hesiod actually seems to have written this alright. At least that's what I'm being pulled to say so there has to be some reason, I'll take it as a note that I'm on the right track. -P/S
So first off i dispise Platos take on Mythology but i do love his Philosphy, i also though hate him as a person. Secondly he wrote Eros' birth like fanfiction....
Its actually quite funny and i read it for a good laugh, especially when you realize that so many mythogrophers and great poets were talking to eachother (except you Hesiod fuck off for the most part) about where Eros came from and they all generally had the same idea that hes Aphrodites son or at least born the same time she was, and potentially from her as she emerged fully formed and pregnant...others say he was born of Chaos and Nyx
My belife is he emerged at the same time as Aphrodite but not directly related, however due to Aphrodite being born first she matured and took Eros as her own. Tbus the maternal bond, they feel like mother and son but theres something deeper, and that something is none of my buisness.
Eros was the mischievous ancient Greek god of love, a minion and constant companion of the goddess Aphrodite. He lit the flame of love in th
Im torn on this one, to an extent i belive it, but the full story is that Phsyke is then married off to Eros binding them togeather forever and I'm just not willing to belive that because there are plenty of people who claim to be his lovers, ive asked him with divination, and hes responded that its true.
From my divination with him its more so that he has many lovers and Phsyke is ok with it in part because she knows she is amoungst the primary if not the primary. So more of a poly take it looks like, wich is...most of the Greek Pantheon, just butchered for sake of dramma.
Side tangent
Think about it, what stirrs more dramma than merital love issues, why write them how they are, why write them content with who they love when money could be made by exadurating certain aspects...dp i fully belive this theory? No not really, no divination or any real source to back it, just an emotional opinion thats quite flimsy in reality.
Now THIS i belive, as Athena is seen multie times as a goddess who does not experience sexual attraction whatsoever, im not sure if im in agreement with it being because she sprang from Zeus' head but i think thats a possibility, just wondering if it was a goft she requested seeing as how shes so rightfully proud about it.
(Also its an epic not a collecrion of folk based mythos wich means in my eyes its less credible. As they are more drammatized versions of events rather than mildly drammatized or exadurated)
This is another im prone to belive, as it confirms a lot of divine interactions I've had with Hermes telling me that Zeus had a reason deeper than i understood for going to the extent he did with some women, others not so much but he was the king and that was his right, a different time does not excuse actions however it does provide context to what happened. Something that seems to be lacking in most conversations on Zeus.
So i belive Eros is perhaps an agent of Aphrodite or Fate itself, and Fates dictated this would happen, perhaps as a form of punishment? Unlikely...perhaps as just that is the way fate goes...or Aphrodite whispered to Eros something for her own reasons, im not sure, id have to ask but that also isnt exactly my buisness. This is time spent with them, not an investigation of my family.
Nonnus, Dionysiaca 7. 267 ff :
Again to an extent i belive this, part of my doubt comes from Roman interpertation but i find that Dionysuaca tends to be somewhat accurate when put against divination.
[Personal Note]
Its nice to see Eros depicted here as he is often shown as some one incredibly powerfull, born of the sea with Aphrodite always wowing the gods and surprising them with his unrelenting power. Its something i can relate to to an extent, i worry some days im insane i worry im mad. When they tell me theyr impressed, that they should raise their expectations and standards. I fear im pompus or full of myself, but when i begin to wander that path of thought, Apollo tends to step in and command me to be still for a moment and listen. That he is truly impressed that im not lying, that they love me and they wish i would accept their love rather than run.
Aphrodite has been trying to set me up with Eros for months now, and im just uncomfortable around other men...but she had it and she set me up as did Zeus i know he had a hand in it somehow...maybe i was setup so much because Eros is some one i can relate to, some one i can talk to about things no mortal could really understand, not really...and maybe even some things the gods wouldnt quite know, such as Athena who seemed to have been born powerfull and respected, expected to preform as she was so directly born of Zeus, im not sure...
The Anacreontea, Fragment 28 (trans. Campbell, Vol. Greek Lyric II) (C5th B.C.) :
THIS US SUCH A WHOLESOME INTERACTION i adore it and it sounds exactly like them!!! Ahaha this is so validating it's such a lovely interaction between them
Ahh this article goes on and on and on i will have to come back to it and use this post as a digital bookmark...
This has been so fun and so wonderfull i can't wait to read more
Apollo convinced me to read more into Hyacinth after a fight we had again...we always fight all the time it makes me so sick it hurts so much i can feel that strand of Hyacinth trying to get back to him, crying out. I asked Aphrodite if i loved him and she said i did i asked Eros he said i did to an extent
I am so sick i feel so sick so many emotions...too many emotions...i dont get what im supoosed to find here, this is so frustrating
I wish he didnt lie to me i wish Kronos never touched me i wish i knew Apollo from the start i wish i knew about the strand from Hyacinth i wish this didnt happen this way.
I had had it with Apollo following me around all day pleeing with me when i told him i would talk in the bath when i got there and he just kept showing up kept standing there kept grabbing onto me and i felt it i physically felt it he was trying to prove to show he would put so much energy in to see me and i just broke i broke and i was crying and a mess
I hate Kronos i hate him i hate him i hate him he tricked me he made me think i was something special and im not not to Apollo im nothing like that and Eros tried to help me he tried to make me fall out of love,and it worked! I was free! I said maybe after the wave of awkwardness we could be friends, but Apollo practically vanished and i was ok eith that
Because i was so so so tired of three years of fighting and borderlining loosing him and then loosing him and then back togeather then not then yes then i find out HALF OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS JUST A LIE no wonder i acted like that not only was Apollo lying to my face but Kronos was disguised as him for most of it.
I feel like ive completely lost it.
Eros says that some times people inlove are willing and unfortunately some times they arent when i asked him if i even had a choice anymore to be with Apollo or not.
You tell me. This doesn't feel like love.
This feels like im complying with a strand of somebody else so that Apollo can get back the man he actually loves. And that isnt me...and it wont ever be me. And i need to wake up and stop being so stupid.
Thanatos told me not to turn this on myself...
He said i have to look at trauma but not stair
That i have to allow Eros to work with me and release the tension in my solar and sacral energy points.
It feels awful...
This isnt love...it cant be...
I feel so ill so sick so awful...this was supposed to help.
Every time i open my arms to Apollo i get hit,and i told him that i told him thats why im done thats why i wont do this anymore and yet here i am. Even after my hands got burnned from the candle i made to forgive him and it literally blew up and i got berated by the family here
Even after i found out he lied to me for an entire year straight
Even after everything that went wrong every time i tried to fix this and work it out
Here i am again. And again. And again.
Even after Eros tried to make me fall out of love, aparently Hyacinths desire to return to Apollo is too great...Hyacinths not mine.
His.
And itll always be his.
I feel less sick now...or i did...its growing again.
Apollo gave me a pair of eyeglasses to see the truth in all, told me they even worked on him, out of desperation to see me again
I was throwing up a lot lastnight because when i put them on i saw all of those most valued memories with Apollo for what they were, Kronos. Every beutifull moment was a lie every time i felt safe he was grinning down at me waiting for the day to pull the rug out of sick pleasure.
I hate him. I hate him i hate him. He did so much to me he hurt me so much.
I hate him.
It hurts...
I sat with Aphrodite and cried and cried and cried and she told me i did love Apollo, that he did love me as i am not just for what strand i carry. My heart felt like it shattered. After everything id been through how could that be possible.
But just on the chance that it might make this pain stop just for the sake of ending this gods awful horrible cycle of pain and heartbreak and feeling like im being torn in half. I just agreed
"FINE. ill read about Hyacinth but im not saying im going to be with you. This isnt ok again this isnt better"
I broke down with Aphrodite i was weeping my eyes burnned i was so angry and sad and hurt and everything. I admitted it i admitted i didnt want to go back to Apollo because i knew i was too jelous
When i was with aparently Kronos one if the hundreds of lies he told me was that i was "his one and only" that was so hammered in im not even monogamous i just wanted to be somebodys number one somebodys primary you can have a million lovers i just wanted to be important primary, something up there.
Hes a god
Why would i ever be that.
Maybe i wouldve belived him if i didnt hear him talking to my boyfriend saying that "i can actually have a bond with you. I cant with him, not like this..." i saw his eyes widden after that, and he looked directly at me
It hurt
So bad
Not like this?
I loved him...i loved him more than anything, i didnt know where he stood next to my primary boyfriend honestly because i just loved him, but i wouldve never said that. Not like this...
What???
Not like what??
Its because he couldnt touch me anymore. Not like this meant not physical bond. Do you know do you know how bad that hurt??? Do you know how it broke my heart to channle him so often and look at my own fucking hands and know he was so fucking close and id never be able to have what he gave my partner or everyone else he spoke to with MY BODY.
Gods i hate myself so much im so stupid im so stupid i cant even read about Hyacinth it hurts so bad ive used all my reading time to just cry and cry and cry and it hurts somebody help me some god gear my cry i need help so badly im so sthpid.
Foolish heart so foolish to think he actually loved you like that to think he cared to think he hurt too just like you did just like he told you. How many times did he lie how much did i not hear of him talking that way of comparing our live and saying mine was lesser. I hate myself i hate myself i hate myself this horrible pain has been going on for 5 or 6 years now im so fucking tired of feeling so stupid.
And its always my fault its always
"Why dont you talk to him" "did you hear him out" "give him a chance" "its Apollo he probly didnt mean it" WELL I DONT CARE IF HE DID OR IF I MISHEARD OR IF IM THE ONE WHOS FUCKING WRONG BECAUSE IT HURTS IT FUCKING HURT. THATS ALL I WANT IS JUST SOMEBODY AKNOWLADGE HES HURTING ME PLEASE SOMEBODY AKNOWLADGE HES HURT ME
GODS. I cant fight loving him i cant help it andit contorts my body and my chest i can feel Hyacinths crys to him weaping for him its part of me woven into me and it HURTS. I HURT.
Just somebody aknwoladge i hurt i dont care if its all my fault or if i deserved it or if this is a punishment for something i cant even imagen what this hurts so bad.
And after all this id still fight anyone who says Apollos bad or says anything nasty about him.
After all this id still defend him and yell at people like i always do.
It probly is my fault, im just blind, or stupid, or incapable or unable to manage my emotions enough to just read.
It hurts feeling so stupid
It hurts. Make it stop...id do hhh i cant say that
Id do a lot to just make it go away...i wish it didnt hurt i wish i didnt love him i wish i didnt have all this war inside me
I wish it would work
I wish he loved me like he says he does
I wish Kronos never touched me
I wish i was never violated
I wish i was older when it started
I wish Hyacinths strand wouldnt scream so much in agony when theyr seperated
I wish i knew who i was in all this instead of feeling like Apollo just wants me for him.
Aphrodite says he loves me
Eros says some times love is unwilling and you dont have a choice
Thanatos says to not turn on myself
Hermes says hes sorry
Hermes says hes sorry
My mind hurts, not nearly as bad as my heart, its nice to feel Hermes hand on my thigh, its comforting, he looks sad...i think he heard me crying maybe, he says he wishes he could make it go away, and tucks some of my hair behind my ear...hes a good friend, and an incredible teacher.
