MythrissRage

An Artist|A poet|A musician|

[mythriss-rage]

Drunk Liquor

You're like a fine wine or a dark spirit...A shot of whiskey couldn't intoxicate me as much as a drop of you...and your name leaving my lips burns my throat with a fire so intense. The smell keeping my mind in a daze I can't be released from. Sugary sweet and bitter is the taste your name leaves in my mouth. My body burns as my feelings for you burn in my chest. Burning...Heat...Cloudy...Judgement. Where are my feet? I stumble as you intoxicate me, threatening to let me fall with each sweet word you mutter in my ear. Laugh...at your jokes. Cry...at reality. Smile...in a haze. Gone...in a darkness.

[mythriss-rage]

Define True Love

His brown eyes that show admiration for my body, one that my own can't seem to understand.

His lips, soft, warm, made to fit mine like a lost puzzle piece completing a gorgeous world that was unfinished for so long.

His voice, melodic to my ears, warming my body like tea unfreezing a cold soul.

His touch, so gentle, making me feel as fragile and beautiful as a harp that only he can pluck and tune to perfection.

His body, carved out of stone and sculpted by Michelangelo himself into a wonderous art piece that I all I can do is gawk and admire.

His taste, salty, sweet, irresistible that as soon as my mouth is away, I crave more.

His skin, so scarred and soft, that I can't keep my hands away from what shows years of battles and life lived.

His laugh, addicting, so calming to my soul that I can't help but to smile and laugh back at hearing the happiness take over.

His mind, intelligent, strong and resilient in a way I haven't seen on anyone else but myself in a long time.

His words, scarce but strong, in a way that makes me understand eveything he wants to say and everything he's trying to say in a few lines.

His heart, sad, real, filled with emotions that are too hard to place but make perfect sense in our tangled up world of emotions and reality.

His love, kind and like no other in a way I've never experienced before in my life with anyone or anything else.

What is true love?

His name. His smile. His touch. The way I feel when he looks at me. His hurt. His pain

His happiness. His growth.

Utterly, and unconditionally him.

[mythriss-rage]

You're Still Here

Hundreds of miles away and yet closer than ever before.

Laying here I feel your breath on my forehead.

And the drag of your fingertips on my skin.

The cold makes me shiver as if you blew hot air on my neck.

The shadows caress me as if you're holding me and thinking of you covers me in the warmth of your arms.

I hear the soft whispers in the wind, saying my name as if you were whispering it in my ear.

The candles burn with the scent of you, filling my nose as if I was holding you.

The covers heat up, like you're laying right next to me.

Notifications give me butterflies and make my heart race.

The texts send me over the edge, as if you were speaking to me.

And phone calls put me to sleep as I listen to your comforting voice telling me, "I miss you."

Some days it feels like you're right next to me though there's miles between us.

And my love for you grows everyday you're away.

[mythriss-rage]

Reckless

Be reckless with me.

By every definition of the word.

Let's drive away from here,

Our hearts creating a music we didn't know existed until we felt...freedom

Run away with me with no expectations, no thoughts of a life before us filled with drama, bills and sadness.

Expect the unexpected with me.

Let's run away to an unknown destination with no directions on where we're going.

Be oblivious with me

Dance in the rain with no fear of getting wet or sick or cold.

Let me warm you with the love of my heart and the adrenaline I give off as I know we're alone together.

Kiss me as if it will be the last time we have this moment.

As if your mouth were filled with salt from the ocean and I'm the freshwater to quench your thirst.

As if you were gasping for air and I was the one who gave it to you with every kiss and every touch.

And embrace me as if I may disappear at any second.

As if the reaper was jealous of our love and he thought taking me away from you would change everything...

Love me as if this will be the last time we make love and the last time you may hold my body against your own.

Dance with me to music in our heads on a dirt path, waving our arms and jumping up and down until we slow dance to the beats of our hearts.

Grab me and make a scene about our love, embarrassing us both as we look up at the birds watching us from overheard.

Scream your love to the world and then let me whisper my own in your ear as proof that you are my world and I can only talk so loudly until you believe my proclamation.

Love me openly, recklessly and without fear and abandon.

As if we were the last people on earth, and in your mind, that was perfect.

[mythriss-rage]

Beautiful in the Dark

Light brings about our flaws.

Our negativity.

A person's entire life on display in a million different ways.

Sunrays illuminating every little thing with a person.

Their looks, their flaws, causing judgements.

But what if we turned off that light.

What if we closed our eyes to reveal..

Darkness.

Light slithering away like a snake in Eden.

Then we reveal a person's true nature.

Everytime a person spoke, their beautiful voice would be heard and played a thousand times back.

When a person's laugh would light up the room just a little to keep those guessing.

Do you ever wonder why people close their eyes when they kiss?

To fall in love with the feeling, the personality, the person.

To talk to a person without our sight analyzing everything they're doing, have on or what they look like.

But in the dark, talking to their heart.

And exploring the abyss that is their mind with no flashlight guiding misguided notions of a person through the judgement of our eyes.

The darkness is beautiful and there is beauty in the darkness.

To know there is something unknown and to still love.

To take a risk and jump into the night.

Creating our own moon and stars to guide the way with the love created from knowing nothing of a person but who they truly are.

[mythriss-rage]

As Meaning Fades

I think it was in this moment that I knew,

Despite my love for this man,

Who I had lived with, grown with, loved...

We were never meant to be.

We had ruined those chances with the damage consistently done,

Hurtful words and actions consistently made.

We had been perfect for one another but we met on the wrong day, at the wrong time, the wrong hour and the wrong second.

That's what killed us.

And I felt myself distancing myself more and more from him.

Wanting to do less damage than was already done.

But I stayed close.

And in return his actions kept killing me slowly.

With each action, a new crack in my already damaged heart.

The heart this man was supposed to help me fix, fix together

But in return, he made a 100 times worse.

And now I wonder where it all went.

How it all faded in a millisecond.

Because that's how fast it was.

When those kisses felt forced,

And I felt love wasn't given back to me

When it seemed sex was pleasurable but a chore

But comfort was supposed to replace that.

Where it felt like everywhere I turned, there was a new rule

A new regulation and restriction to try and keep us together.

To try and fix what we had already shattered into a million pieces

And trying to fix this seemed harder than just giving up at this point.

And the girl, I was no longer myself, could only hold her head in her hands, cry, get up, and move on

Why hold onto to someone she could no longer trust?

To someone who constantly replaced her.

To someone who would rather hurt her,

The one he supposedly wanted to be with,

Rather than hurt the ex who he says he moved on from.

She couldn't deal with the constant, I do need you.

We need to try.

Don't give up.

I'm sorry.

Knowing it was going to go back to the way it was before and she would be the one getting hurt.

It was always her.

Why was it always her...

She had to be doing something wrong for this to keep happening over and over and over and over....you get the point.

The overs could go on for infinity.

As could this poem of feelings she's been holding on to for so long that are finally threatening to burst loose from her shattering soul and broken heart and broken mind that she can no longer keep together.

She was ready to collapse into nothingness.

Because feeling nothing was better than continuing on knowing how ever many times she wrote this down, no matter how many times she said how she felt, and no matter how many times she felt this sadness....

It would only happen again...

And she would be stuck in this cycle of wishing and talking and talking and writing yet again.

And writing a never ending poem that eventually she knew needed to end.

But she could never end it until she ended her love for this man, their relationship or herself.

[mythriss-rage]

Choose

You say that you choose me,

Forever and always

To have and to hold

And in the young and the old

I say what you're saying is bold

How can I forgive those hurtful words

And believe you'd choose me

Because in my eyes, that's not what I see

Yes, you come home to me

But in the end, what does it all really mean

[mythriss-rage]

A Sacrifice

Dear Bestfriend,

Is this a good beginning to something so serious, so explicit?

Or am I being melodramatic as always?

That hopeless romantic of a paranoid girl.

These motions...oh going through the motions over and over and over and...well you get it.

Time is going tick, tock, tick,

Honestly, I need to just drop this shit.

As I hold this rose to my heart and feel the fast paced beating,

I pluck off a petal.

He loves me...he loves me not...he loves me...he loves me not.

Cliche am I right? Wrong.

My love for you has always been so strong.

And to you, I'm constantly drawn.

I would love to say its because of the times we had..., however long ago.

But I know...its so much more than those.

Though I want to believe it's just lust,

So I don't ruin this friendship and us.

I can't lie to you.

That I swore I would never do.

I love you.

And is it your eyes that can search my soul and know everything in the matter of seconds?

Or is it your touch, so soft...so gentle on my skin that then, it's the only thing I'm focused on?

Is it your voice that speaks kind words in the supportive tone I wasn't used to?

Or was it your mind, so intelligent, so strong?

Was it your soul that wrapped around me in the process of what we called falling in love?

When we used to go on dates in the winter and sneak past those glaring eyes of people who didn't matter at the time.

Or living with one another, constantly cuddled up, having those sexual adventures no one could ever believe?

Sleeping in the car with the heat on, wrapped in each others embrace, because just being around the other was all that was important.

Cooking together in the kitchen, slipping in those quiet, quick kisses that no one would notice, even though our eyes gave us away.

My heart aches for those times when we hid away from the world, no one knowing our secret rendezvous points.

And yet, we still do sometimes but now at a different point.

When focusing on ourselves means barely seeing one another and the love I gave to you, I had to hide forever because of people who I consider irrelevant.

But for you, I understood. And I still try to understand.

But it also drives me to think that maybe I'm not the one for you. But that's nothing new. That's not all that matters.

I long for saying those three words without caution, or fear or consequences. Even in secret once more.

I long for those caresses that make my heart beat faster and my breathing get deeper and my body grow limper in your arms.

But I'm your bestfriend.

I will stick to what that entails.

And I will continue to do what we do with you, without those feelings that I hide in the back of my mind and pretend don't exist.

When love doesn't come to be spoken when you kiss me but daddy and master does.

When I hope love may be allowed to enter my mouth in those intimate moments once more.

But until then,

Have a great day.

That's all I wanted to say in this letter.

From your best friend,

The one and only.

Me.

[mythriss-rage]

Numb

My heart aches for you.

For your voice, your body. . .Everything.

I've become numb to this feeling if only to save you from the destruction that is my mind.

I know you think I have options.

But, you're the only one that I notice.

And it's really hard for me to focus.

I know you can probably tell, that it scares the literal hell of me.

You're the only one with the power to give away my deepest secrets or abandon me in a world full of billions upon billions of people.

I love being alone, I always have until I met you.

Suddenly I only wanted to be alone with you while wrapped in each others embrace. . .warm, peaceful and calm.

But the longer time goes on, the less numb I become and waiting turns to aching and aching turns to longing and longing to pain.

The more I crave your sweet kisses and your body wrapped around mine in the night, or your voice that sounds like music to my ears everytime you speak a word to me, or your soft skin rubbing against mine, or your mind and soul that connects with mine so easily, revealing more about you to me everyday.

I hope for this one day and push forward out of my funk to get to you.

But then I stop, and I think...

Even though, I become less numb and I feel the sting of the longing in my bones, I know this is for the best.

I stop that pursuit for my own happiness and stay quiet and still and grow sad and ill.

I must keep you protected and less distracted and away from the destruction that is my mind.

So you can find yourself among these millions of free miles your life has.

[mythriss-rage]

Dancing With The Devil

I've been dancing with the devil,

I love that he pretends to care,

Even as he looks at my face,

And sees the pain that I bear.

He has possessed my body,

He quickly snatched my soul,

Making me his, unholy and broken,

That is his only goal.

He slow dances with me in the moonlight

He waltz me across the floor

And sadly, I wish I didn't

But I always crave him more, more, more

"Oh devil", I pray to him,

But only in the dead of night

"For once I want, I crave your poison bite"

I crave the pain of your claws,

Clawing my heart deep from my chest

I crave your lips and their lies

Believing you is my test

As I twirl across the floor

Feeling empty, broken and numb

For once in my sad life,

This devil hasn't made me feel dumb.

I feel nothing at all,

As my feet touch the floor

Dancing under the stars

This I no longer feel nor adore

I now dance by myself,

The devil's done his job well

So well that I pushed even him away

I want to scream, I want to yell

I think back on those moments

When hell was my banquet floor

And I would sing and waltz

Despite my devil's gore

And I would slow dance on my thoughts

And I would do ballet on hot coals

I would jump to my heartbeat

I would salsa to screaming souls

And now I only wonder

Is he really worse than I?

Because being around the devil...

We almost see eye to eye

How can I condemn him

When I'm like him, I can tell...

Because sadly for me,

I love dancing with the devil in Hell

[mythriss-rage]

Sun, Moon and Stars

You were my sun.

The dawn. The beginning of the day.

I would look over, and there you would lay.

The first thing I'd see before I had to conquer a world that was constantly against me.

Your lips, breathing warm air on my face.

Your eyes fluttering as you dreamt of peace.

The warmth as you carressed me in your arms sleepily, lazily giving me a soft kiss.

Placing your face in my neck and breathing in what you call, springtime.

You made me feel lazy, warm and relaxed.

You were my stars, littering the day and night sky.

Little surprises and twinkles that kept me going, making me look forward to the night.

Preparing me for the sunsets and daybreaks.

A star that I could wish on and my every wish would already be true.

You made me hopeful, alive and illuminating.

You were my moon.

My gorgeous moonrays casting out the shadows in my nightmares.

Illuminating my darkest nights and making me feel protected.

More gorgeous than the sun or stars combined.

You created my late night walks and helped those starry picnics in the night.

Under you, I feel cool, calm and collected.

You were my sun, moon and stars.

Without you, there is no day and night.

[mythriss-rage]

A Fragment of the Fire.

A fragment of the fire, was falling in love with you.

A spark that lit my soul, and burned me from the inside out.

Something that consumed me as a fire consumes everything in its path.

My sight, a blaze as red as the flames engulfing my body.

A fiery mix of pleasure and pain in my heart.

My thoughts sizzling and sweltering at the thought of you.

Burning me slowly as I think of you loving me back.

Searing me into oblivion as I whisper that I love you.

A fragment of the fire was loving you.

[mythriss-rage]

An Unnatural Reflection

I see myself in you.

In the way you hold his hand

And whisper sweet nothings in his ear.

How you laugh at his terrible jokes,

And how you can mend his broken heart, once again

I see myself in you.

I do.

By the way you gasp at his words

And his touch makes you shiver in the most pleasant of ways.

How every kiss makes you turn redder and your breathing faster.

And how you can barely resist those eyes...

How you can stare at them for days upon days upon days....

I see myself in you.

In the way you touch him gently as if he might break if you grasp to hard.

And the words you form only come from your heart but are smart and kind.

How every kiss is perfectly placed and made as if it may be the last one.

How you collide with him in such a way that only we could do.

I see me in you.

I wish I didn't but I do.

In my old love, it's true, that sadly I see myself in you.

[mythriss-rage]

Hush Little Baby

"Hush little baby, don't say a word, Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird..."

The females breathing got faster and faster as she tried to stay quiet. The footsteps coming up the steps echoing in the empty house. She hid under the bed because of course all scary stories started with the killer looking in the closet but she could hide under clothes in there. Here she had nothing. She could crawl out and hide there real fast...cover herself with the dresses and clothes on hangers, making it seem as if she was a pile of dirty clothes. But the footsteps came closer. She began to scoot out from under the bed in fear. She crawled to the closet hoping that for once the floor wouldn't creak under her weight. She opened the door and threw the clothes over her small frame. She was completely covered now...hopefully she would be quiet enough after she closed the door, rearranging quickly.

"If that mockingbird don't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring..."

Creak. Thump. Creak. Thump. Creak. Thump.

"If that diamond ring turns to brass, Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass..."

The footsteps stopped outside the door and the female let out a little sob, covering her mouth quickly. She tried to keep from crying or making unnecessary noise. Calming her breathing, she slid closer to the wall just as the door burst open and a maniac laugh echoed through the room. “Come out. Come out, wherever you are. I’ll find you anyway,” he said with an evil laugh. The footsteps stopped outside the closet door but then faded away towards the direction of her bed. She heard him kick the bed angrily and walk around checking for her. “You made this easier than expected,” he muttered under his breath as he ripped the door open pulling it off the hinges. She covered her mouth to keep from sobbing.

"If that looking glass got broke..."

Her eyes moved around rapidly as she covered her mouth and laid perfectly still. The footsteps finally quiet as he moved hangers around looking for the female. Only then did he chuckle and she felt a warm hand pressing on the clothes. “I told you, you can’t hide forever,” he said smiling as he whipped the clothes off her face and grabbed her arms. She screamed loudly trying to pull away but failed miserably next thing she knew, everything went black.

"...You'll still be the cutest little baby around"

She woke up in a basement strapped to a table with tools all over and though she couldn’t see it, she could smell it. It was pitch black in the sterilized room and she could only imagine the horrors that laid in wait for her to see. Alcohol and hand sanitizer she could smell was close by. Besides that she could only describe it as a deserted mildewy hospital. Her eyes were covered with some type of rag and her mouth was gagged. Her eyes looking around in fear as a door opened not to far away. Her light skin was sweating from nervousness and the fear she felt. Her arms were strapped up and so were her ankles and wrists. Her black hair stuck to her face and her light blue eyes tried to see through the blindfold as the light came on. “So, you’re finally awake, are you?,” he asked with a smirk sounding on his voice. She couldn’t move, just closed her eyes in fear. It’s not like she could do anything anyways. The steps of him moving closer hurt her head and she felt the blindfold slowly being taken off. She opened her eyes and the light hit her hard making her shut them again as the male chuckled. “Tsk. Tsk. Can’t handle a little light I see,” he murmured in her eyes. She pulled away, clearly disgusted and horrified. She groaned against the gag as tears filled her eyes once more pouring down her cheeks. The male was out of sight but his voice was heard clearly throughout the room. Wait, the room. She looked around and noticed she was in a basement type area dressed in a hospital gown. The tools on the table were alcohol and scalpels. There were knives, saws, drugs, needles and many others she didn’t even know existed. She tried to escape and pushed against all the straps trying to get loose. “That’s more like it,” the male exclaimed. He was doing this on purpose. He covered her eyes once more as he started injecting a needle into her vein. The last words she heard before the drug took over were words from a childhood song her mother used to sing her. But they were twisted...demented and she went unconsciousness.

“Hush little baby, don’t you cry. If you stay calm, then you may not die. Sweet dreams…”

[mythriss-rage]

A Virtue

I don't know what made me want to stay. What made me want to wait for the one I knew might take a lifetime to do what he said he would. Maybe it was those deep, caramel eyes. Or the way he spoke my name. His walk filled with confidence or that sad look of longing after a night of relaxation. Maybe it was because we were never at peace but everytime I'm with him, peace is all I could succumb too. The way he looked when he became passionate and excited about a topic...about life...about me. Maybe it's how I could always expect laughs when I'm around him. Or his warm chest, with the peaceful sound of a beating heart that beat for so many reasons. With a purpose and had meaning. The way he wasn't like other guys. His confidence faltered many times and I just wanted to reassure him everytime. When he came to me crying, I wanted to hold him and reassure him everything would get better and he deserved love even when I was breaking down myself. Even when I felt the same words would never relate to me. I wanted him happy. I knew he'd be the person I didn't want to push away and who's mind I wanted to look inside. Who's happiness meant more than my own. I wanted to know him more than I already did. The way he caressed and comforted me in the way only he could. How committed he would be in anything and to everything he put his mind too. His words, whether angry, sad or happy call to my mind. The way we help one another progress in everything...Being around him is honestly what I long for in any and every form. Patience is a virtue I don't completely possess. But for him, I might be willing to wait...

[mythriss-rage]

Suicide Media

It's funny how suicide is not important.

Oh right! Excuse me, that was explicit.

I'm sorry I meant not important until it becomes a show in the media.

A TV series where you see a girl struggling,

Juggling all these emotions.

It's troubling.

And for all those who say,

“Oh no” but don't do anything.

The truth is suicide still happens.

You aren't changing it.

You aren't trying to make it.

You're not catching the blame.

So it's not the same as if it was in a show.

You're unfit to say, “Oh I care. I want to be there. Don't go. I'm sad. I'm scared.”

As you watch it happen and play out never lending a hand.

How DARE you!

Now you want to put up signs.

But you still bully others and make fun of those who cry.

It makes me sigh.

Because TV shows and movies are the only things that hit this generation.

As suicide keeps elevating.

It seems it went back to how it was before.

Nothing changing.

Its funny how suicide isn't important.

Rarely see it in the media anymore.

Where did all the memes go?

Where did all the people offering help go?

Where did all these people who just a month ago wanted to post and post and post about a serious issue go?

It wasn't big in the media so along with the show went suicide prevention.

It wasn't worth mentioning.

It was over.

Suicidal media is a thing.

It killed itself even before the public could.

[mythriss-rage]

Doubt

What did I expect?

Honestly and truly?

Did I expect him to truly stop the things she was doing?

Or did I hope for it with the little hope in love that I had left...

Did I expect him to tell her to stop?

To stop claiming him?

To stop with the sex and relationship posts that according to him were untrue?

To stop loving him?

That's something he could never do.

And he wonders why I doubt him and his "feelings" for me.

Fuck my own!

All I say is tell me the truth and let me decide what I want to do.

I guess that truly means nothing to you

So as she keeps calling you hers and making me seem like terrible and a liar...

I just hope you know that's fine, I wont add sparks to the fire.

But as long as she's here, I won't be.

I can't share a love, especially when you make it hard to believe it's my own....