aching soul

hoping that one day someone will save me from all these mess . . . ps: all of these writing pieces are mine 💕

[thoughtsofthedeepeststems]

You deserve more than broken promises and goodbyes. You deserve more than that person who never called you back, and that last kiss that kept you hanging on. You deserve more than when you found out those friends that meant the world to you didn’t think the same. You deserve more than the back and forth, the tears, the fights. You deserve more. You deserve love, surrounded with kindness and joy. You deserve that laughter that makes your stomach hurt, and that happiness that makes you smile so much that your cheeks go numb. You deserve to feel butterflies and giddiness when you see that person you like. You deserve everything that is good in the world. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and I hope you find it. I hope you see that you deserve the best, because you’re more special than you think you are. And you’re more wonderful than you believe. Remember that. Please, remember that.

thoughtsofthedeepeststems // this one is for all of you who have ever felt like you’re not good enough - you are incredible (via thoughtsofthedeepeststems)

[mytroubledheartx]

Staring at the stars makes me think of you –  outside laying by your little lawn, staring at the same sky, the same star that shines brighter than the rest. Maybe wishing I could be one too. I wish I could shine like the way the stars glow up in the starry night. 

[mytroubledheartx]

The night was so dark, quiet and here I am all alone in this room full of memories -- memories of you and me, the ones where we were just two people having all the fun that we can have. Sharing and spending moments together even in the most busy days of our lives. We still find a way to be with each other. I miss it, the laughter and sadness, the pain and heartaches-- all the emotions that we consistently throw at each other. I miss all the fight that we had over the little things in life, the short shorts that I wear, the cursing words that I say, the endless tickling and overflowing public display of affection. But in the end we just wouldn't care. As long as were happy then we're good.

the deepest thoughts of my heart;

[mytroubledheartx]

I always admire the way you handle things. The way you express your thoughts in such a weird way that it always fascinates me. I always admire your smile, and how that little curve in your lips makes my whole day better. I will always, always admire you. Everything about you is so lovable. You are such a beautiful thing to watch, so breathtaking, so pure. I hope u know it too.

the deepest thoughts of my heart;

[mytroubledheartx]

I was feeling all kinds of emotions then you suddenly decided to send me a message that makes my body stopped functioning all at once. I was so nervous, I didn’t know what to feel, what to react. It was the first time since we last saw each other. I thought you already have forgotten who I was but you didn’t, you send me a message and we talked for hours, catching up on each other's lives. I miss this, me not asking things about you and you telling me things about yourself that makes me wanna fall in love with you again.

the deepest thoughts of my heart;

[mytroubledheartx]

In times like this I always miss you. I always think of you even you can’t probably remember my name. I still want you even if you don’t want me to. I still need you and the truth is, you need her. I want you to know that I still love you. Even if you hurt me a thousand times I still do. That’s how pathetic and stupid I am. But hey, I just want you to know that you’re still my 3am thoughts.

(via mytroubledheartx)

[mytroubledheartx]

“When will it be me?”

I often ask myself that question. I always had my heart broken by someone who obviously doesn’t want me. I always choose the perfect guy, but never the right one. I always let myself fall in love with the kind of person who I think was the best for me. I always let someone in my life that will eventually destroy and leave me. When will I have the perfect guy right guy? When will I be the one he chooses? When will I be the one on his list of priorities? When will I be the one he loves? When will it be me? 

[mytroubledheartx]

Every time I am near you I always feel alive. I feel like my whole existence matters because I’m right next to you, holding your hand. I feel totally complete. When were together I always keep in mind that I'm yours, but the real question that’s been bothering me for months now is, are you mine? Here I am beside you, breathing next to you and laughing with you. But can I call you mine? I don’t know where are we or even what we are. Maybe were just two lost souls who found each other to heal our hearts but never have the guts to fix it.

(via mytroubledheartx)

[2am-spilledink]

See, that’s the difference between you and I; you were never temporary to me.

2am (via 2am-spilledink)

[mytroubledheartx]

The fact that you were online and interacting with your friends, saddens me every time. Because I always see you in my feed. Each time you post something, it pains me– knowing that you were there, at the other side of this screen, busy socializing with everyone except me. The one who was there to cheer you up when no one else does. The one who you choose to lose sleep with. The one who calms you down after a bad dream. The one you can call no matter what the time is. The one who choose to put you first above everything else. The one who truly loves you for who you really are. And lastly, the one you left behind for somebody else.

the deepest thoughts of my heart;

[mytroubledheartx]

My heart will always fucking crave for you --- your touch, your smile, your smell, your sweet gestures, your love. And no matter what I do, you will never ever ache for me the way that I do for you. 

[mytroubledheartx]

You’re always gonna be that person who I thought was worth saving.

[mytroubledheartx]

I thought getting myself drunk will magically wash away the feelings I had for you. I thought seeing you again for the first time in months will ease away the pain. I thought the memories will fade away, but who am I kidding? Of course, it didn’t. Seeing you was probably one of the biggest mistakes I have ever done in my life since the start of this year. Being near you again was not a good way to start my year. Being with you again was like riding the roller coaster for the second time. You knew that it was bad for you. You knew because you already experienced what it’s like to ride in it - painful, stomach crashing, heart racing and energy draining. You already knew what would happen but still, you choose to ride it. You choose to feel that feeling again. The feeling of riding a roller coaster for the second time feels like that when I was with you. I already knew what would happen but I still choose to be with you anyway. I still choose to break my heart again into tiny little pieces. For the first time, I choose to step aside my fucking feelings again just to have moments with you. No matter what you do, I’d still choose you every time.

[mytroubledheartx]

Why is it always in the middle of the night, where we choose to lose sleep just to think of him/her. Where we crave for the feeling of love and to be loved. Where we need those warm tight hugs. Where we used to spend all our energy thinking about someone who chooses not to do all these things with you. Why do we always think of the person who hurts us? Why can’t we just stop for a second and think about ourselves too? Don’t we all owe it to ourselves to at least put ourselves first above everybody else? Because in the end, all we have is ourselves. And we only got ourselves to blame for everything.

the deepest thoughts of my heart; 

[mytroubledheartx]

We were at this bar, the music was too loud. My friends texted and called you using my phone just to pick me up. I was so drunk, my head was on the table when you saw me. I’m so wasted from all the drinking and my head hurts as fuck. You pick me up and put me behind your back like I was a sack of rice. Seconds after that I saw your car on the street. You opened the door and put me in the backseat. The moment my back touched the seat I said: “please, don’t leave me”. I perfectly remember how the way you look me that night. You were intensely staring at me. Like I was a vase waiting to be broken. Like I was a child crying and waiting for his dad to come home. After all that staring you threw at me, I felt your hand on my cheeks. That’s the time when I realised that I was crying my heart out. I’m fucking crying in front of you. You wiped my tears away and smiled at me. I missed you. I missed those smile. Those sweet lips that I used to kiss. Those beautiful eyes that I fell in love with. I miss you. I missed all of you. I was staring at you and I saw you staring at me too. You suddenly pause and looked at my lips for a while and that’s where you leaned in. Seconds after that we were kissing in the backseat of your car. The feeling was so overwhelming and heartbreaking at the same time. I knew that you only kissed me because my eyes told you that. You only kissed me because you were in pity of me. I already knew that from the start. I already knew that I’m just one of your charity cases. You only did that because I was drunk. And you thought that I was too drunk to remember all of that. But fuck no, you were completely wrong. It’s been months now and I still remember every single fucking detail of that night. I still remember all of that. I still love you. Despite all the shitty things you do to me I still do.

[mytroubledheartx]

I want you to stay, even if I’m so moody. I want you to stay, even if I’m telling you not to. I want you to stay, despite the fact that you cannot and you will not because you don’t love me anymore. I want you to stay because I love you. I want you to stay because no matter how hard it is for me to understand that you are not coming back to me, I still want to pretend that you will. Eventually, someday, when the time comes, you will be back again in my life. You will stay with me not because I asked for it but because that’s what your heart wants.

[mytroubledheartx]

I wonder if there’s still someone out there, waiting for me, thinking about me. Waiting for our hearts to collide. I wonder if there’s still that someone who can fix me and make me whole again.