Guilt - Self-Para
Can’t touch the stars
Can’t make them shine
Fight the time until the day we die
Scott wasn’t sure what to feel anymore. He felt numb, but at the same time like he was about to implode. Deaton once told him that the universe works in balance. He called it 'regression to the mean’ which more or less meant that the scales of life will never be tipped one way or the other for too long. If life is dark and scary or is incredible and amazing, it’ll eventually balance out and come back to even ground.
Right now though, Scott didn’t feel like everything was in balance anymore. For he longest time, he’s felt as though life has been working against him. He felt like life had been working against all of them. Scott had been forcing himself to swallow any guilt or anxiety about what had happened since the plant from Purgatory released its lusty spores on him. That was until now.
Logically, Scott couldn’t blame himself for his actions while he was lust-driven, but it didn’t erase any of the memories. It didn’t let him forget what he’d done, and the aftermath. It had all built up on him: having sex with his best friend’s murderer amongst other people, feeling like he took advantage of Mal, Mal trying to kill himself. It was all just too much.
Scott never wanted to become a werewolf. He never wanted to become a true alpha. He never wanted any of the responsibility that had been thrown onto him, but all the same, he accepted it because he had to. There was no question or choice. If he didn’t accept it, people would die. And for Scott, that means there’s no other option, so he continued to ignore the feeling of wanting to run away and hide forever, but faced it because it was the right thing to do. And now he had to face this.
All Scott wanted, all he’s ever wanted, is to help people. He just wants people to be safe. But how do you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped? Or how do you help someone when you can’t help yourself? It seemed like whenever Scott was involved and tried to help, that person would die, want to die, or some other horrible thing would happen. Scott craves balance in his life. He craves it in all of their lives.
