Rant Blog @myvoidtoscreamin - Tumblr Blog

I hate that she touched you. I almost don't want to touch it because of what she did. I know I said it was fine. It was fine. Now it's not. Now I understand jealousy. Now all I want to do is scream at her for wanting to do that. If you ever do it again, I just might. I will never let another woman touch you.

Never. Again.

You're MINE

I still fucking love you. It kills me that I can't talk to you. It makes me furious that she won't let us even talk. I wish for her eternal torment. I hate every cell in her body. I hate that she's known your tenderness. She doesn't deserve it.

I want to be adored and cherished. I know I'm loved, but the love I feel is not the love I crave. I desire to be almost worshiped. I wish I was an ethereal goddess, who could do no wrong in the eyes of her husband, and who's husband would gladly kill for her. I want to give up all strength to him, yet be his equal.

Right now, I just feel alone...

I'm tired. I'm not receiving what I need. I need safety. I need rest. I need stability. I give that all to our children, but that leaves nothing for me. I want to be vulnerable. I want to be cared for. But all I do is give.

It's hard to give when my cup is empty. My soul yerns for tenderness. All I get are whines and anger.

You claim it's just you venting. You claim it's fine. But why should I ask you to help when it just makes things worse?

I want to leave you. I'm terrified of leaving you.

My soul aches.

I want a new ring. I want an actual wedding ring, the one we couldn't afford when we were younger. I want something colorful and fantasy, like you had to go on a quest to find. I'll probably never get it...

I might as well be single. You're never here. Never help. Always to stick, too sore, to stressed. Always gaming. Always spending money we don't have. My children don't have a father. They have a man that happens to live with them. You always whine. Always. You said you ape to be Leto. You're anything but. Your mom is a better coparent than you. Even now you have no idea in not next to you, despite missing me all week.

Wake up before I have to leave you.

Fix yourself before you destroy me.

I have to do what's best for me and my children. Right now, it's not looking good for you.

I had a miscarriage last month. I know it was a boy, despite my period being four days later. We knew for less than a week.

My period is late again. I'm terrified of taking a test. What if it's positive, and then I know I've lost another child if I start in a few days?

That was my second miscarriage. I had one just like it before I was pregnant with our oldest, though I never took a test. Will this happen every time I want a child? Will I forever have a miscarriage first? Will all of my children be rainbow babies?

We're doing better as friends, but why do I still crave your touch? I want a collar again, but it's not the same if it's just a choker. You mentioned getting your ear pierced, something I always wanted you to have, and now I won't be able to touch you.

I hate it. I hate not having you. But I don't want you. But I still need you.

Fuck

It's always the unexpected that hurts the most. I was copying birthdays for next year's kitchen Callender so I wouldn't forget. When I turned the page and saw yours, it hurt. I even debated marking it down. But I didn't.

It is getting easier. I don't miss you anymore, just the friendship we used to have. I don't cuddle your bear anymore. I haven't in a long time.

I hope you're able to find peace, too. I hope you find a wonderful woman who will treat you better than I did. I hope you can look back and smile fondly at our time together as you move on.

You said you kept messing up yesterday. That you were sorry. This morning she spilled your Gatorade all over the floor because you didn't clean up after yourself. Again. When was the last time you took out the trash? The one chore in the house you're supposed to do. When did you last put your clothes in the laundry hamper? When did you last bathe her?

I will no longer clean up your messes. Or ask you to take out the trash. I'll do it all myself. Let's see how long it takes for you to finally notice.

I'm done having to tell him to do everything. I'm tired of having to fight for his attention. So I won't. Let's see if he even notices or does anything about it.

I know what you're doing. I know you're trying to get me to talk to you. I wish I could. I wish it were possible. I am still so deeply in love with you, and it hurts that I have to stay away

I miss you

I'm sorry

I broke up with my husfriend two months ago. Originally the plan was no private contact but group chats were okay. But now I can't even have that. My heart is aching and I can't talk to anyone about it.

Every day I fight tooth and nail not to call him.

Every day I cuddle the stuffed animals he got me.

Every day I beg God for something, anything, even though I know it will never happen.

Every day, everything goes back to him.

And it's all my fault.

#polyamory breakup #poly #polyam #polyamourous #breakup #i hope you're okay #i know you aren't #I'm so sorry

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