Reflecting on lost or broken connections. Feeling like they just no longer found any use for me. Am I just so expendable? What was the point of sharing so much with one another for there to be no forever. I usually don’t feel so alone but recently it’s been creeping in during fleeting thoughts. Shedding tears in public has become more of a common occurrence. Maybe I shouldn’t take what people say to me so seriously anymore. Believing when people say they love me or want me around forever might not be real for myself. Being selfish seems more emotionally safe sometimes but I don’t want to limit experiences. I just don’t think anyone really knows me. When will someone ask me questions about me that aren’t surface level. I don’t want to seem mysterious but I just don’t feel the need to dump all my stories onto people unless they ask. I just don’t feel real sometimes. Being in japan brought up so many feelings and thoughts and I just don’t wanna be here anymore. When will someone actually like me for me rather than the idea of me. Will I always be cursed with surface level interaction with people who expect something from me? I love what life can bring and what ive experienced so far but I’m tired.
What’s the point of speaking if no one is going to truly hear or understand you . The ones I’ve cared about the most just aren’t here anymore and I don’t know what to do with that.
I’m trying to be patient with myself but I’m frustrated with what’s been happening. I want love but not the love people are wanting to give me. I don’t want to be touched by people who want to use me. Getting so over stimulated to the point that I just leave. Coping but at what cost. I’m just so tired. I’m losing sight of the point tbh.
