My wife and kids - No Rules - Part I - 00:00/07:10
No. we're strong. we're united.
We don't have to do anything we don't want to do.
For instance, I'm not going to school today.
Well, that's your god-given right to remain stup dad, I need to get to ol. I'm already late.
Plus I need my allowance to buy backstreet boys tickets.
Allowance. oh, here's another problem.
You guys have forfeited allowance.
Now I only give allowance to mygoodchild, kady.
That is so totally unfair!
I was depending on that money!
I didn't know that was part of the deal!
Forget your brother. come over here.
Why suffer when you can have all of this?
Look at all these monies.
Look, freedom does not come without a struggle.
We have to make sacrifices.
I guess I can just call charmaine's mom and have her give me a ride to school.
See? now, that's using your head.
Ed dumb old me and my stupid old comfortable cars when you can call up charmaine and have her mom come get you.
You know what you can call her on?
I'm having a special -- three quarters for a dollar.
I don't think I can take much more of this.
he's messing with your mind.
But I need to get to school.
I'll take you on my bike.
Yeah, I can see the guys talking now.
" hey, kady, which one of daddy's comfortable cars do you want to go to tumble tots in?
An excellent choic that's gonna look so good parked outside the donut shop we'll stop at on the way there.
Well, got room for one more. any takers?
No! no! stay away from the light.
I know what you're trying to do with claire, and you're gonna fail.
[ Imitating Bugs Bunny ] EH, WHAT'S UP, DOC?
No, j., everything's fine.
ourgooddaughter is making a get-well card for her grandma.
And the other two evil childre are enjoying the fruits of their freedom.
I think claire's weakening.
Oh, speaking of miss liberty, look who just walked in.
Yeah. you wanna talk to her?
J., I need to let you go. right.
Okay. bye. [ smooches ] love you.
What happened to your knee?
I fell off junior's bike again.
I hear those bikes don't have air bags like my cars.
I can't sleep, I'm hungry, my knee's all banged up, my hair's a mess!
I have some real problems, dad.
You thinkyouhave problems?
Kady and I have an extra ticket to see the backstreet boys tonight, and we can't figure out who to take with us.
You're going to see the backstreet boys?
Yeah. kady and I love them.
And we'd love to take you, claire, but the backstreet boys rule, and we know how you feel about those rules.
So who did we decide to take instead, kady?
The stupid doll is getting the extra ticket?
Hey, she's not stupid! she listens!
I have some ants in my room. no big deal.
Oh. you're a bigger man than me.
I know when I get an ant bite, I just itch everywhere.
I just start itching, like, over here, and I feel like I itch -- I feel like I got ants crawling all over me.
Ooh! I'm itching thinking about it!
Well, we gotta go. come on, kady.
We don't wanna miss this concert.
See you later, son. have fun.
Claire, no, no! what about our pact?
Forget the pact! I can't take any more!
I want to get driven to school, make free phone calls, and see the backstreet boys!
I hear this is the event of a lifetime.
claire, look -- none of that matters anymore.
The only thing that matters is defeating the creature.
With mom gone, he will let us die.
But we only have to hold out for two more days.
my social life is crumbling!
The cheerleaders are shunning me!
Today I had to eat lunch with a foreign exchange student.
My whole world is falling apart!
I'm ready to join you, daddy.
You're the best dad in the whole world.
You can throw in the towel, son -- save face.
We won't think any less of you than we already do.
And then there was one -- the dumb one.
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If you must know,mike, I'm gonna hop on my bike and cruise around town.
You know, speaking of bikes, a funny thing happened.
You know how I always say, "don't park the bike in the driveway"?
Well, some idiot rulebreaker left his bike in the driveway, and look what happened.
I accidentally ran over it -- five times.
Don't worry -- the other half is perfect.
I don't need the bike. I'll just walk.
And I'm not coming back at any curfew hour.
In fact, I might just stay out all night.
Don't worry about me. I will not wait up.
There he is -- the rebel without a clue.
that must be because we live in stamford, connecticut.
It's the city that always sleeps, you know?
Are you sure you don't want to come over to my side?
Oh, that must be because we changed the locks.
I wish I could. but I can't.
There's a new rule in this house -- no door opens till 6:00 a.m.
So, what am I supposed to do till then?
Anything you want. I think kinko's is open.
You could go xerox that stupid look on your face.
Well, I'd love to chat, but 6:00 a.m. rolls around really fast.
I'm gonna get some sleep. night-night.
Don't let the garden bugs bite.
You never know who might try to break in.
It smells like you need to be buried.
That's what happens when you sleep on a recently fertilized lawn all night.
Can I talk to you -- in private?
I have nothing to hide from the kids on the kyle team.
Anything you need to say, you say it in front of us.
[ Mumbling ] YOU WERE RIGHT.
[ Mumbling ] "YOU WERE RIGHT." ..
[ Mumbling ] "YOU WERE RIGHT"?
Following the rules isimportant.
That's a very interesting theory.
And why do you think that is?
It's the way we show our appreciation for all the good things you do for us.
It's the way we show our appreciation for all the good things you do for us.
You know what? I'm actually proud of you.
I didn't think you would last this long.
So, what else have you learned?
Well, I learned that I can't survive on my own without rules and that I love being part of a family and that if you sleep out on the lawn all night, dogswillpee on you.
Hey, it was the only time I was warm all night.
I was stupid, and you are the best dad in the whole world.
You smell way too bad for a hug.
But a deal's a deal. come on.
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Isn't one of mommy's rules that you can't drink milkout of the carton?
Yeah, well, mommy's not here.
So it's okay to breakthe rules sometimes?
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[ Chuckles ] well, well, well.
I hate therapists --one in particular.
And yet, you're here to seea psychiatrist.
Oh, I can't wait to hear this.
Ok, jay has been out of townfor the past six weeks, and she's coming home tonight.
I keep having this recurringdream -- it's more like a nightmare.
Why don't you tell me about it,michael?
Okay, I'm walking down thissandy beach, and all of a suddenthis giant whale jumps out of the water andstarts chasing me.
By any chance, was thisa sperm whale?
Damn!'cause I know what that means.
I'm running awayfrom this whale, and it swallows me up,and inside is jay, and she's cooking, right thereinside the whale.
Okay, michael, you see, thewhale represents jay's mother, and you're afraid that whilejay's been away, her motherhas swallowed her up.
See, your fear is that she's nolonger the woman she was when she left six weeks ago.
Yeah,the whale and the mother.
'Cause I've er like that.
It's outlined in my book,michael.
Chapter nine -- " I mean, you know, in the whole16 years we've been married, I've never felt this kind ofanxiety.
I mean, what should I do?
Naturally, you're gonna feelanxiety, michael, and your fear is that you're outof control.
The answer is that you takecontrol.
You take control, and you set a romantic eve you light some candles, you put on some music, send the kids away for the night.
Sorry, baby. you all right?
Yeah, I'm cool. I'm cool.
Give me a big hug! give me a hug!
Oh, god, I missed you so much!
I missed you, too, and there's so much to miss.
You just fill up the room.
Well, I made some chicken dumplings for the kids before I sent them out to the movies.
You got any biscuits left?
I see -- yeah, there's biscuits.
There's all kinds of leftovers.
Uh, you know, if, uh -- didn't you eat on the plane?
Baby, the plane was great.
Baby, some fool fell asleep next to me -- [ laughs ] I tore that lasagna up. it was good, too.
You sure everybody didn't fall asleep?
I mean, you know, being a late flight and all.
Please, you know how my mother is.
She had me cooking for her all the time.
Her answer to everything is just food.
You must have had a million questions.
We are in this big ol' house all by ourselves, aren't we?
So are you thinking what I'm thinking?
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