N'IYA.

[n-iyayi-n]

I’m tired of Tumblr, this ban is so hypocritical. 

[n-iyayi-n]

Sad,as usual.

I’m really sad. I don’t know what to do about it. I’m trying to heal during one of the rare moments that I can be alone but I’m completely, utterly and inevitably stuck. My thinking capabilities aren’t the same anymore. Neither are my musical ones I’m afraid. I don’t have a real drive anymore. Everything is just like smoke-floating around, strong in my nostrils and lungs, but I can’t touch it. And no matter what I do, the smell still lingers in some way. 

I’m not interested in the music anymore. Not like I used to be. And all my other interests are just as limited and useless. I am useless. I can’t work. I can’t think. I can’t practice. I can’t take care of myself. I’m exhausted in a variety of ways. 

I really hate the fact that so many of my friends internalize things so much that if I killed myself, they’d blame themselves. I hate that I have no one to talk to about my depression and suicidal tendencies. I don’t want to be an emotional burden. But I don’t want to be told not to kill myself either. I simply wish to be free. Free of everything I know which is human. Even myself. 

I’m tired of being the sad N’iya. I’m tired of being N’iya. Even though I was trying so hard to save that little girl who just wanted to impress her family and not feel like the weirdo. I’m trying so hard to hold her tightly and make her know she is loved by someone-me.I’m trying so hard to be the one-the only one-who is committed to helping her dreams come true, who is committed to helping her find her peace of mind. I want something new. I don’t want to be here anymore. And I’m tired of feeling guilty because of it. 

[thepsychmind]

Fun Psychology facts here!

[bonitaapplebelle]

Black women will always be too loud for a world that never intended on listening to us

[n-iyayi-n]

You don’t really wanna hear me speak my mind, you just wanna see me dance.

[n-iyayi-n]

https://soundcloud.com/n_iya/give-us-a-reason-deep-electric-stripped

[n-iyayi-n]

Day 12, Album 15- Kendrick Lamar- To Pimp A Butterfly

It’s actually quite funny, my phone does not recognize the word “pimp”

I remember you was conflicted.

[kidmograph]

BL∆NCO

[n-iyayi-n]

I’m gonna get this on vinyl. It is completely worth it. 

Day 11,album 14- Kendrick Lamar-untitled unmastered. 

[n-iyayi-n]

The Grammys, My Friends In Music, and My New Gig Thursday

Not gonna lie, I was a bit intrigued by the Grammys this year but as I look at my TL everything looks pretty normal so its cool. My friends have been including me in their music escapades lately, I started on a song with one and my other friend wants me to share his music, which of course I’ll do haha:) Oh,and I have a new gig Thursday night. I’m a bit scared because I know alot of my music friends are gonna go to one of my male friends’ music video release parties, so I won’t bother to ask anyone, but will spread the word. And I haven’t really performed since the House of Blues showcase last April. So yeah, a bit scared. It came up short notice so its just gonna be me, Myles, Cristina and my piano,and we are only doing two of my originals, and three covers. I may or may not attempt my Selena-inspired spin:):)

[n-iyayi-n]

Norah Jones and DangerMouse. Epic. Dangerous.

Day 10 album 13-Norah Jones-Little Broken Hearts

[n-iyayi-n]

Day 10 album 12- Paolo Nuitini-Caustic Love

His voice is beautifully painful. 

[n-iyayi-n]

Music With Friends, and A Flower

I’m really happy to say that I have been able to have a variety of music-related activities with my friends for the past few weeks. Some were new friends, some were old, but we all wanted to just make music. I really hope I can share some soon because I know for a fact that even though my music is absolute shit (lol), I could possibly help someone in the universe who is going through similar things like me. So here’s to great art.

P.S. you should really check me out on my other social media:)

[n-iyayi-n]

I’ve been lifted.

Day 9, album 11- NaughtyBoy- Hotel Cabana

[n-iyayi-n]

Day 9, album 10 goes to Lion Babe- Begin

The opener and closer are beauitful, her hair is the epitome of my dreams, and the entire album is a lovely series of epic jams. A good way to start my Friday night

[auralapse]

http://ift.tt/2ltzNwY by auralapse

[n-iyayi-n]

For the homies in the struggle

[rexisky]

Animations from the music video of Night Stroll by Tao Tajima

[souphand]

if I was famous I would 100% create a blog in my own fandom and then make speculative posts like ‘I bet she sits in her underwear watching the phantom of the opera eating animal crackers’ and ideally I would get internet hate for my weirdly specific speculation but in reality that would be exactly what I was doing and the jokes on everyone