The castaway

Christian, 20 years and from Denmark (>^-^)> I mainly blog whatever I feel a connection to or just find pretty. I also might write some posts myself with my thoughts on stuff.

[n0-selfi3s]

With nights like this it doesn’t matter how happy I could or can be

[n0-selfi3s]

Turns out it will take me about 2 months to ruin one of the greatest things to happen to me for the past 3 years.. Well done, me.

[n0-selfi3s]

I don’t want to exist

There’s no reason for me to exist, or anyone to exist for that matter. We’re all just existing without purpose. The universe was created by coincidence and we just happened to follow a load of random meteor events and temperature changes. The universe is without purpose and we, as the little specks we are, are with even less purpose. There’s no end goal, we’re just here and just existing isn’t something I can use as motivation to lead a good life.

[n0-selfi3s]

I want to tell her but I know she doesn't feel the same, and getting rejected is going to break me to the point where I won't be able to talk to her again..

[n0-selfi3s]

On a night like tonight I can’t help but wish I had a girlfriend to take for an evening stroll and bring blankets, find a nice quiet spot by a field and stargaze while holding hands..

[n0-selfi3s]

Found a new friend the other day and we’ve talked a lot these past couple of days. She’s super nice and sweet and I think she genuinly cares about me and my wellbeing. Well, at least she was but I think I ruined it by doubting my own feelings and intentions and started apologizing for nothing and just being very negative.. It never ceases to amaze me just how fast I can ruin things 🙃

[n0-selfi3s]

@n0-selfi3s These are some thoughts and memories of mine that I’ve scribled down recently.. I’m not sure what’s happened to me but my mind isn’t well and hasn’t been for super long, this is just this first time I’ve put thoughts to paper. Please, do not remove caption or steal these without giving me credit :)

[n0-selfi3s]

@n0-selfi3s These are some thoughts and memories of mine that I’ve scribled down recently.. I’m not sure what’s happened to me but my mind isn’t well and hasn’t been for super long, this is just this first time I’ve put thoughts to paper. Please, do not remove caption or steal these without giving me credit :)

[n0-selfi3s]

Yet another bad trait

I’m sorry I’m not as cheery all the time as you and everyone else in your group of friends, it’s just.. I’ve never had much love from anywhere, really. We’re not the well adjusted family that tells each other we love each other, and I am and always have been short of friends who actually care for me and my feelings. I think that might be why I get so jealous of everyone that you treat nicely. I envy them all, and it saddens me! That’s why I sometimes keep quite in calls, not because I get jealous and mad, but because it saddens me that it takes as little as you calling someone sweet to tear me apart for so long.  This would be yet another bad trait of mine, one of so, so many.  Looking at you, I just don’t see any bad traits and it’s honestly kind of scary. How could someone possibly be so perfect? Could it be that you are an actual Goddess?

[n0-selfi3s]

For holding on

I wonder if in an alternate universe we might be together? I wonder if in that universe you were the one who fell for me, if you would be the one telling me how you feet. Perhaps I’d be the one making you secondguess your own feelings every night, or perhaps I wouldn’t like you back in any such way? If that is the case, I’d like to swap places with the me of this other world because going through this uncertainty of feelings and grasping for a hold of you every day is rough, it really is. Thinking the same thoughts every night before I go to sleep, overthinking and making sure I don’t get my hopes up because who knows? I might get hurt again, I might not ever be able to see you again? It could turn out as any of the girls before you, you either don’t like me at all and I’ve been played like a fool, you might leave due to distance or you could lead me on only to be with some other guy?  But you know what? I am going to keep playing the waiting game, I will try my best to get you to like me so I can finally let you know! And you know why? It’s because I want to be strong for you, I want to let you know that I’d do anything for you! I bet you don’t even know why I call you my Princess, Queen or Goddess, do you? It’s because I’d follow you anywhere and I believe in you, I have faith in you and your feelings! 

[n0-selfi3s]

A cry for love

We were playing games and she was talking about how she’d been looking at guys, telling her friend all about how sexy they all looked.. All while I could just sit and listen. That’s when I realised how vulnerable I am, how easy it is for her to break me.  I was also going to tell her about my feelings today, but I just couldn’t.. It didn’t feel right. Who am I kidding? It felt right, I just didn’t have the courage.. I regret not telling her earlier but at the same time I’m so happy that I might be able to hide for a while longer. I just can’t see us happening even though it’s all I want. I’m prepared to lay down everything for you, damn it! You’re simply perfect to me and every single moment without you feels like an eternity of beeing boiled on the inside. I want to spend every moment with you, to share memories.. And most of all, I want to be able to tell you I love you every time you make that silly smile of yours. All of these emotions and thoughts being built up inside of me makes me about the most fragile human being on the planet, except for when I’m with you. You’re my everything right now, but by telling you I’d be risking it all.. Don’t you see how miserably in love with you I am, don’t you understand how badly I need you to like me back?

[n0-selfi3s]

So I saw her again today.. She was wearing slacking clothes and still managed to be the best looking girl I’ve ever seen, and her eyes.. Her deep hazelbrown eyes.. I usually shy away from eye contact due to my low self esteem, but somehow I felt safe and comfortable just looking into her eyes all the time.. I wonder if she knows how madly in love with her I am..  I suppose it’d be best if she didn’t but.. She’s all I want. She’s in every single thought throughout all of my days and I wish to share every single moment with her, to make it our moments..

[n0-selfi3s]

Her eyes.. Her eyes are the most captivating thing I’ve ever layed eyes upon. Her smile.. Is the cutest thing and it can lighten up my day no matter how down I might feel. Her hands.. I love the way her hands are always cold, giving me an excuse to hold them. Her laugh.. Her laugh is so contagious and we can just laugh for hours.

I think I might be in love with this girl, but that’s not even the worst part.. She doesn’t know. I guess it doesn’t matter anyways, I don’t stand a chance and she deserves everything and more, something I can’t give her..

[n0-selfi3s]

Favourite saying

Scars only show where we've been, they don't dictate where we are going!

[n0-selfi3s]

"You better fucking not destroy this for yourself, not again! You have been fighting so hard!", I tell myself

[n0-selfi3s]

Being only appreciated, even by friends, if I'm doing something really really good, and not just for being there with them like others.. Even through the worst times I've been there every step of the way where others have failed to hang on and yet I was never as appreciated as everyone else.. 

[n0-selfi3s]

I saw the stars and thought of the sparkle in your eyes