Words Unspoken

I have so much to say but nobody to tell it to. So here we go. THIS IS MY PERSONAL BLOG. Color Blog Ask Info My Posts

[daily-deliciousness]

Fresh strawberry pound cake with glaze

[n0t-existing]

What I did Today:

Flossed Teeth

Washed Face

Drank Water

Photographed

Took care of neighbor’s dogs 3 times

Shuffled cars in drive way

Reached out to someone

[n0t-existing]

i’m fat and ugly and no one will ever love me and thats fine because i shouldnt ever be in a relationship because i’m fucking crazy and ugly and if i ever had children i would fuck all of them up so i should just die.  i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i deserve so much more than you but i also am pretty sure that i shouldnt be in a relationship anywway. i hate you. i hate that i’m so dependent on you, i hate that you’re a fucking moron and a half, i hate that you know that i’m upset and yet you’d still choose everyone else over me, which isn’t suprising because you want to cheat on me anyway. you’re shit and i know that you said i make you feel belittled but that’s beause you’re so fucking stupid anyway. you wouldnt have to feel that way if you werent an idiot. i wish that i could break up with you but if i did that i’d have no where to sleep at night. you’d do so much better off without me. and i would be so much better off not being in a relationshp with anyone because i’m fucking crazy. great. really i should just kill myself, and i would if it weren’t for my family. i truly believe that if i killed myself, my dad might kill himself, and my mom would just drink herself to death. and none of that is fair for my sister . i wish i nevver existed. i wish my sister just got to exist without ever having to live in my academic shadow.  i wish i was dead. i wish i never existed. i wish my dad didnt talk my mom out of an abortion. i hate myself. i wish i was dead. i want to be dead. dead.dead.adead.eadeaddeadeadeadeadeadeadead

[n0t-existing]

In my head we've already broken up. I just need to uphold this. Having sex with you was a mistake. I need to keep you at a distance. I have invested too mucb into you and now i must take it back. I deserve so much more than you. If i had anywhere else to sleep at night i would not be here.

[n0t-existing]

i think my antidepressants are wearing off and i’m really fucking scared. 

[n0t-existing]

HAH asshole. it wont work out. you’re a manchild. 

[n0t-existing]

eating cake and crying lol.  i guess my self esteem really never recovered since i see literally everyone as a threat. fuck me and fuck you too for being an ass wagon as usual.  i need to just stop asking when you’ll be back. i already know you never go out of your way for me.  funny to see you going out of your way for them though. 

[n0t-existing]

Im worried and nervous and jealous

[n0t-existing]

Literally fuck you. Youre literally part of the problem.

[n0t-existing]

I literally hate her so fucking much. I hope something happens and she doesnt come back to school.

[n0t-existing]

my throat really hurts from binging; i’m eating now. 

[n0t-existing]

Fuck you. You’re so self centered.  And fuck you too, you’re so fucking annoying. if you feel so connected to my boyfriend why don’t you just say so and stop being a little whiny brat.  you literally act like your 2. 

[n0t-existing]

i feel so alone and unwanted and its practically all your fault. i deserve so much better than you. i dont want to keep going like this if this is what the rest of our lives are going to look like. i dont deserve it.  you’re not there for me and you don’t even care. i need so much more than this. i wish i actually had friends who could help me move on if i ended this with you but the truth is that i don’t and i only have you and you’re not even fucking here

[n0t-existing]

Wonderful. Now that ive literally ruined our relationship i can go this summer probably having zero friends and being all around really freaking alone and depressed. That didnt take very long.

[n0t-existing]

I want to talk to you about our relationship but i dont even know where to start. And youre going to think it came out of no where.

[n0t-existing]

It feels really good to cut myself right now but honestly i wish i had a friend to talk to. Im so alone. Ive thought of calling a suicide help line before just to freaking talk to someone. Im so alone. I hate this. All i have are my thoughts and razors. I feel like im going to be sick.

[n0t-existing]

i kind of realllllly dislike who you are now. i dislike how you act when you’re drunk, i realllllly dislike how you act when you’re high, and i especially dislike that you’re like an excited puppy whenever someone brings up weed. like fucking chill out. our maturity levels are so different. sometimes i love you and lately, most of the time, i don’t. i’m annoyed, impatient, frustrated. you’re not who i want to be in a relationship with. i need to tell you this. but i also need you as a companion. and if we broke up i’d be absolutely alone. you think that our friends would drop you, and not me if we broke up, but that’s completely not the case. i wouldn’t want to be with them without you, i would leave them. i would disappear from everyone’s life and just alone. i don’t think i can take another year of solitude. you make me feel so sick. i shouldn’t have to feel this way. how many years have i been thinking we should break up for? at least two. maybe three. i should just do it. i should have done it a long time ago. i’m just afraid of being alone. i would be so freaking alone and you’re so dumb you’d be fine. i sincerely want to die right now. i want to cut myself but you’ll see. you’ll wonder if it was you. and i dont want to make you feel guilty. if you saw i could just say its because my mom’s been drinking again. and you’d believe me and stare in silence, probably like you did with my text about how she’s been drinking again. fuck i wish i wasn’t so attached to you. this hurts so bad but i am so freaking tired of you.