WHY I’M A RELATIONSHIP SKEPTIC (& OK WITH BEING ONE)
After glancing at the title of my post, you may be feeling bad for me and my supposed jaded perspective on relationships. You may be assuming that I’ve had a string of very sour and heartbreaking relationships that have turned me off to dating. Or, you may be judging my lack of faith in real love because of my admitted skepticism. But none of that is true, and that doesn’t make me any less of a skeptic.
Before we delve deeper, I just want to clarify that I am not a complete disbeliever of romantic relationships; in fact, I think that a deep, balanced, and healthy connection between two people is beautiful and attainable. I am a huge supporter of casual relationships, formal relationships, whatever makes two people happy – that’s their choice, their lives, and their connection. But I admittedly have my doubts when it comes to my own love life, and I often approach any dating experience or relationship through a guarded, sensitive, and cautionary lens.
Now let’s debunk some myths and misconceptions!
Being a relationship skeptic does not imply that I don’t date or have given up on my love life. I’m a skeptic, not a cynic. Just because I put a focus on my apprehensions when entering a relationship or casual dating experience, that doesn’t mean I will have those same apprehensions throughout the relationship. My skepticism and initial evaluations of the man I’m interested in are often impermanent feelings and judgements, but they are still important nonetheless. My initial skepticism and critical examinations of a relationship do not necessarily lead to a potential demise of that relationship.
Being a little skeptical in my love life doesn’t make me unhappy. In fact, I would argue that it motivates me to make more informed, guided, and well-thought decisions when it comes to who I am intimate with. Sure, I’ve been cheated on before, I’ve been in a manipulative unhealthy relationship before, and I’ve been let down and disappointed by men I sincerely trusted. Yes, those life experiences have played a role in informing and spurring my skepticism and wariness in relationships, but they are not the sole reason.
My reasoning is simpler than it may seem. Yes, part of it comes from a self-protective place and stems from a strong responsibility to myself to always self-love, feel empowered, and be my own woman. Being a skeptic is almost my way of holding myself accountable to those strong, independent, self-empowered values I have as a woman. Sometimes, I will admit, I approach relationships in a critical manner in order to prepare for the worst and safeguard myself along the way. Other times (and most times), I am skeptical when entering new romantic situation in order to decipher how I feel towards that person, discern the truth in my emotions, be authentic in my actions and desires in the relationship, and preserve my self-love while offering some of that love to someone else.
I don’t go all-in in regards to relationships. I don’t dive fast, and I don’t abandon all reservations. But I’m not calculated or too analytical either. My skepticism and overt critical eye guide me to fall somewhere in the middle. Some may say that in the future I may need to make peace with my skepticism on relationships. I challenge that notion.
I don’t necessarily see my skepticism as something I need to reconcile or make peace with. My cautious, sensitive, and mindful approach when getting into a relationship is not offensive, divisive, or scathing. It’s a personal and interpersonal process that enables me to be vigilant, responsive, and intentional with who I want to share a deep, personal, and romantic connection with. In the future, I may see a need to refine my lens and approach to relationships and reevaluate how I use my cautiousness and sensitivity to guide me through future relationships. But for now, my perspective on relationships allows me to nurture my self-love, not make rash decisions that I may later regret, and be more informed and intentional in who I choose to be intimate with. I critically examine how that person makes me feel, observe if that person provokes any changes in my personality, and then discern if I like how that ultimately makes me feel.
So, if some say that my skepticism disallows me from falling fast and passionately into a relationship that could potentially be really good for me, or that my cautiousness and intentionality limits the type of men I could be in a relationship with, or that I seem too picky, so be it. Falling fast and diving in serendipitously and heedlessly are not for me, and I know that about myself. The most important thing to me when approaching a new relationship is being true to myself at all times, continuing to practice self-love, being unafraid to express my passions and personality, maintaining my sense of empowerment, and finding someone who respects that about me – no matter what. And if you’re still skeptical of my skepticism, maybe try it out and see how it goes.
You never know who you may find when you examine romantic relationships through a new lens. Remember – being a skeptic, doesn’t make you a cynic.