The Strength of Humanity: Xiao Yi (Osborn) Character Exploration
Based on around the first year of in-game content. Everything written is my personal interpretation. WARNING: includes topics such as violence, abuse, and suicide.
Translation for the quotes are all by @aishangotome ♡
PART 1: DISCONNECTION FROM THE WORLD
As a victim of being abandoned by his parents and perceived as a monster by his peers, Xiao Yi’s connection to the world was forcefully stripped away from him against his will.
As I walked, I thought, I don’t know anyone in this world anymore. If I disappear, no one will even notice. (6* Card 四百击)
Without this sense of connection, his natural reaction was to feel lonely in the absence of support, to fear seclusion, to rage at the world’s inhumanity, and to be fuelled by hatred for evil. He couldn’t let himself become hidden and resigned from the world, and he also couldn’t allow the world to abandon him just like his parents did. He wanted freedom, and he thought he could achieve that by rebelling against evil.
Everything he had done, from childhood to now, was to escape this place. The world was a wasteland, but he could venture out, search for a better view, even if it was just a fleeting glimpse. (6* Card 四百击)
Ironically, the more he asserted his presence, the more disconnected from the world and the people within it he grew, and the more he chased his long-awaited freedom, the more trapped he became. He became an outsider on the edge of society as he stood on the opposite side of power and authority, disconnected from the prevailing beliefs which dominated the society around him. He wanted to be a hero, but whenever he rebelled against evil and injustice, he would be treated as the villain instead, turned into a victim abused beyond humanity.
He wanted to be in charge of his own fate and actively sever ties with the world first instead of being a passive bystander continually crushed under the weight of loss. He would forcefully assert his presence and banish evil because he had no attachments: there was no one he cared about, and no one that cared about him. He had the freedom to act however he wanted, but could it truly be considered freedom when he was still trapped within and controlled by his own feelings of resentment to the point that his role in the world would remain a victim? Did his assertive rebellion give him control, or was he still passively being controlled by the world?
His desires to rebel against evil, his unwillingness to surrender to authority, and his ultimate search for freedom all stemmed from hatred; hatred for his situation, hatred for the people that put him in this situation, and hatred for all of the evil present in society. His desire to become a hero was fuelled by hatred.
I couldn’t describe it then, but I vaguely felt that it was “hatred.” I heard it say, I want to be like him. I have to be like him. (6* Card 四百击)
In reality, this hatred stemmed from his inherent kindness and morality. His inherent morality led to him easily distinguishing good from bad, leading to him having strong feelings towards protecting the innocent and punishing evil. Despite being abandoned by his parents and seen as a monster by his peers, he still viewed and treated everyone as human, holding forgiveness in his heart even if they weren’t innocent.
Xiao Yi cried out in pain, but he still didn’t summon his flames. His reason told him that this man, despite his wickedness, was still just an ordinary human. (6* Card 四百击)
While Xiao Yi treated everyone as human, everyone else treated him as a monster. For the authority who only cared about power and greed, kindness and morality were viewed as ultimate weaknesses that could be easily crushed. In a society where the evil are seen as human and the innocent are treated as monsters, is there any meaning behind morality anymore? The combination of having no attachments to anyone, being an outsider looking in, and always standing on the opposite side of every moral dilemma only left him feeling even more disconnected from the world, merely remaining a powerless victim instead of having any influence.
PART 2: DISCONNECTION FROM HIMSELF
Xiao Yi has always been firmly guided by his individual morals, fully aware that he was in the right and that they were in the wrong. He would never bend to the will of evil, even if he had to bear all of the punishment himself.
“I did nothing wrong. Why should I apologise?” (6* Card 四百击)
However, for someone with such firm individual morals, he sure was extremely conflicted by his own beliefs. Although Xiao Yi held strong moral views, the lines of good and bad became blurred when judging himself. He began to internalise society’s judgements of him by attempting to free himself from kindness and morality, considering himself a villain instead of the hero he previously dreamed of being. This was because Xiao Yi’s kindness became his own torment. He loathed himself for longing for the company of his morally despicable parents, and for having the smallest sprout of hesitation or forgiveness in his heart for the criminals he rebelled against. He hated that he still viewed the villains of his world as human, because viewing morally bad people as human would insinuate to himself that he was also not a morally good person. This inner conflict left him feeling like he couldn’t openly express himself to the world, leaving him more trapped in his own feelings and further away from achieving freedom.
Didn’t I already decide to sever all ties with them? I would think, to have nothing to do with them anymore? But why did I still dream about them? Was it because those years we spent together were happy? I thought that even strangers, hearing my story, would condemn them as failures, unfit to be parents. In short, their leaving was a blessing, and if one day news came of their misfortune, it would be well-deserved. I shouldn’t miss them. So whenever I dreamt of them, I would wake up filled with self-loathing, hating myself for being so conflicted. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, because morally, I was supposed to hate them. (6* Card 四百击)
His kindness also meant that he couldn’t defeat these evil people like he wanted, because he was the one always being defeated instead.
I was paying the price for my soft-heartedness. Pinned to the ground, I couldn’t help but feel a surge of bitter amusement. While the other person only wanted to kill me, I was still sincerely considering the possibility of forgiveness. (6* Card 四百击)
As a result, Xiao Yi divided his soul into two, discarding the ‘kind’ part of his soul. Interestingly, the ‘kind’ part of his soul was the half completely consumed by rage and resentment, killing and beating people up out of pure hatred. However, the reason it’s considered the ‘kind’ half of his soul is because of the guilt and hatred he directed towards himself as a result of his actions. His own kindness made him hate himself because he viewed himself as immoral, and immorality is the absolute last thing he would ever want to embody. Without kindness, he could continue to defeat evil while disregarding the morality of his actions, so that he wouldn’t be trapped by guilt and hatred and subsequently be destroyed by himself. Afterwards, he claimed to not care about morality.
Xiao Yi: I want to be a villain.
Xiao Yi gazed intently at the moon, a fire burning in his eyes.
Xiao Yi: I want to personally witness all those evildoers receive the punishment they deserve.
Zhou Weicheng: Then why don’t you become a police officer, upholding justice?
Xiao Yi: Good people are restricted by many things, but villains aren’t.
Xiao Yi: If I could, I wouldn’t want kindness or compassion at all. They’ll only destroy me. (6* Card 自由落体)
He did this to not be destroyed by himself, but it was actually only destroying him even more. He was constantly berated by the world, but now he was being berated by himself too. Not only did he want to kill others, but he contemplating killing himself multiple times. As he kept contemplating death, he kept living not for himself, but for punishment. One, to punish evil, and second, to also be punished in return.
If there was one regret, it was this: I wouldn’t kill myself. I would raise my sword again and defeat him. (6* Card 四百击)
All I would have to do is jump, and I can escape it all. Would anyone grieve for me? Would anyone care if I died? “The person who cares most would probably be that Principal Xu.” Xiao Yi gave a self-deprecating chuckle, but the thought made him step back from the edge. He had to stay alive until those people were punished. (6* Card 四百击)
But for a moment, I really thought about giving up. I thought, let it end here. For me, life had never been about survival, but about punishment. (6* Card 自由落体)
He lived out of hatred, and this hatred served as his own punishment. Both his reason to live and his means of survival stemmed from self-sacrifice: to put money on the table, he participated in rigged races, took on dangerous commissions as a bounty hunter, and developed an unsafe habit of venting his emotions through speeding.
But since he removed the kind part of his soul that hated himself for his guilt, he shouldn’t harbour so much self-hatred, right? Why did he still hate himself? He hated himself because the idea of lacking morality still heavily bothered him. He went from raging at the world for its unfairness to raging at himself because he felt that he wasn’t a good person. Since he wasn’t a good person, perhaps it wasn’t the world that was unfair, but that he actually deserved all of the abuse he suffered.
Xiao Yi: Someone like me was a mistake from birth. I hit teachers and principals in school, and I’ve been locked up.
Once a clean white paper has a stain, it’s dirty.
Xiao Yi: I belong here. (6* Card 自由落体)
“What if— just what if— I was born evil? Without a kind heart?” (6* Card 自由落体)
In summary, Xiao Yi has always been inherently kind, but became destroyed by his kindness, subsequently tried to destroy his own kindness, and finally became destroyed by him destroying his own kindness.
A major turning point for him is when his rigged races ended up leading a man who lost his money to kill himself. The deceased man’s wife raged at Xiao Yi and wanted to kill him, and he had a sudden urge to kill her in return. In reality, the wife held the same morals and perspective that Xiao Yi originally had. In her eyes, her husband lost everything and died as a result of Xiao Yi’s immorality, and she was filled with rage and resentment towards him, wanting him to be punished. Isn’t that the exact same sense of punishment that Xiao Yi had been living for this whole time? How on earth did he end up on the other side and become the exact type of person he hated? It was all because he was attempting to free himself from his kindness, emotions, and morality, all of the qualities that constitute his humanity.
However, the most important moment was what came after.
Car audio: Little boat gently swaying in the water…
Someone had accidentally hit the button, and a children’s song suddenly filled the car, the child’s voice as clear as a spring.
Car audio: A cool breeze blows towards us…
Xiao Yi felt the grip on his neck loosen slightly.
The sudden surge of malice vanished, and he abruptly released her, realising he had just done something despicable.
(6* Card 自由落体)
Hearing the children’s song in this moment is a call back to how we were all just children once. Children aren’t born inherently good or bad; they are only shaped by the circumstances they grow up in. Life is inherently unfair. No child deserves to be abandoned by their parents, and everyone deserves to grow up in a loving home and be surrounded by a supportive environment.
However, society is often so flawed that it makes innocent victims feel that they deserve everything that happened to them. This is because emotions, kindness, and morality are dismissed as weaknesses by those in power, but expecting people to suppress the qualities that form the basis of humanity only isolates victims more, leading the world to become even more unfair and divided. The powerful only continue to abuse their power, the victims only become more suppressed, and more people would want to fight against the world, rather than be a part of it.
“Don’t you find it ironic? Those who commit evil only care about their own desires. When they make a mistake, all they need to do is show good repentance, and people believe they will reform. It’s as if society tells them that as long as you conceal your actions well and cry profusely when caught, you’ll eventually be forgiven and forgotten. And the price must be paid by the innocent, struggling victims. It’s as if these students were simply unlucky, deserved to die, and deserved to be hurt.” (Main Story 13-13)
All of Xiao Yi’s feelings, especially all of his burning rage and resentment, are all completely valid and justified. He didn’t deserve anything that happened to him, and the world should have paid more attention to and treasured his emotions instead of trying to extinguish them. If people who were treated unfairly could truly be seen and heard in this world, maybe they would grow up with love and kindness instead, and wouldn’t feel the need to fight against the world.
Ke Yang: If society didn’t always label them as antisocial, and didn’t deliberately lead them that way. If their parents were a little nicer to them, they would become good kids too. (6* Card 自由落体)
Xiao Yi heavily toed the line between good and bad, and was extremely close to becoming the exact type of person he hated because he suppressed his kindness. At the end of the day, the responsibility lies with adults to treat children with care, but also with individuals to break the cycle and not follow in these adults’ footsteps, as difficult and unfair as it may be. Ultimately, breaking the cycle would be a step forward for himself, to not be consumed by self-hatred, and to not passively allow the world to take complete control of his emotions for the rest of his life.
Sometimes, it’s the rebellion against instinct and nature that truly showcases the unique brilliance of humanity, distinct from beasts. (Chapter 17 抗争的勇气)
Xiao Yi is not a monster, and in reality, no one is. When people are labelled as monsters, they separate themselves from the rest of humanity and start to feel justified in their acts against humanity. Running away from his humanity only proves his distinctly inherent humanity. However, always running away only brings him further away from the freedom he has always chased. Who says kindness is a weakness and can’t signify strength? Perhaps many people would say that, but if people are unaccepting of his true self and he hates that they’re unaccepting of his true self, why should he let their judgements affect his own self-judgement? However, Xiao Yi has always been extremely selfless. He assumed the role of a sacrificial hero as a sole individual, internalising all of his guilt and suffering on his own. He should stay true to himself and not compromise on his moral beliefs, but being free from desiring external validation isn’t easy for someone so selfless. Therefore, he needs to learn to prioritise himself.
PART 3: CONNECTION TO HIMSELF AND THE WORLD
Xiao Yi eventually starts finding his unique place in the world when he finds connection with other people.
At that moment, he suddenly had a feeling that he was living his life in this world earnestly. He no longer felt like a passerby or someone who always stood on the opposite side of everything. Xiao Yi’s name seemed to have a weight of its own. He was being called by people with anticipation, praise, enthusiasm… with all sorts of different emotions. In these calls, a Xiao Yi utterly different from his former self was emerging into the world. (6* Card 自由落体)
How was he able to achieve this, though? By no longer running away from himself and instead listening to his own heart. He begins by being led by his personal interest and curiosity about the world and the people within it, continuing to search for the freedom he desires. When he experiences the world for himself, he also meets and attracts like-minded people who like and accept him as he is. There has always been a world so much larger than the confines he was trapped in his whole life, but he had to take the first step to be willing to explore that world. Change comes from falling down and experiencing life for himself, not from letting other people change him or tell him what type of person he should be.
He may have been hated by one section of society, but another section of society actually admires him. No one is inherently good or bad, or inherently stronger or weaker than others, because different people have different views on these subjective concepts in the first place. Therefore, the most important thing is for him to stay true to his moral compass. Why should he devote his life to self-sacrifice and desire external validation from people who hold beliefs he’s heavily opposed against? Overall, his life begins when he takes the initiative; not for the world, but for himself.
He takes this initiative by actively extending his kindness towards others. He used to desire and demand kindness from the world and became disappointed when he didn’t receive what he wanted, but when everyone is waiting to receive kindness, there also has to be someone to initiate it first.
The world was indifferent to my feelings, and even if I abandoned my journey, it would not try to entice me with what I desired. With this realisation, my resentment towards disappointment dissipated. I discovered that I possessed something that transcended it: fellow adventurers who shared my risks, and a kindred spirit who understood my unspoken feelings. (6* Card 自由落体)
Specifically, he extends his support to people who have also been ostracised as outsiders, just like he was. He builds his own supportive community through kindness and forgiveness, and through forgiving other innocent people who have been through similar trials and made similar mistakes as he has, he can also start to forgive himself.
There was the seemingly frail young man with a horrifying tattoo revealed when he rolled up his sleeves, and a burly man with a scar over his left eye… They had all made mistakes in their youth and faced social stigma, struggling to fit into normal society. Xiao Yi gave them a chance. (6* Card 自由落体)
There’s a common sentiment that Xiao Yi is so strong and invincible that he’d probably be able to achieve happiness on his own without the MC, but the core basis of his character is that he learns to live and love himself when he’s connected to others. He learns to forgive himself through forgiving others, and in particular, loving MC is ultimately an act of sincerely loving himself.
Within their dynamic, Xiao Yi is very brave, assertive, confident, fearless, seemingly doesn’t overthink at all, and takes action without hesitation. Meanwhile, the MC, especially compared to him, is generally portrayed as more hesitant to take action due to fears and worries. However, while they may seem like polar opposites, the basis of their relationship is formed on the deep connection they feel to each other’s shared emotions. They both grew up as lonely children who were ostracised as monsters, so they actually deeply relate to and find solace in each other because they embrace each other’s humanity.
He gently accepts her fears, worries, loneliness, and envy, and expresses a certain level of emotional vulnerability with her that he doesn’t express anywhere else. The way he accepts and cares for her feels like he’s also learning to love and care for his own inner child that never received love from the world. Them being connected by their shared emotions they’ve held onto since childhood show that they are both simply just human. Xiao Yi is certainly admirable, but he experiences all of the same negative emotions that all humans do. Everyone is capable of embodying the strength they admire in Xiao Yi if they were only kinder to themselves.
“I envied that eaglet. I believed it was born with the ability to look down upon the earth, to enjoy the view from the highest point. But later, I realised that nothing is born fearless. It also had to fall countless times before finally becoming the way I envied.” (5* Card 拾光秘密)
He also notably doesn’t tell MC to change, not even to be more brave or confident. After all, the MC is Xiao Yi’s light that he strives towards because he likes her gentle nature. He just encourages her to be herself, and to do whatever she wants to do. This gentle acceptance is also an act of kindness towards his inner child who was always punished for not fitting into society’s expectations. His own strength in and of itself might encourage her to take a step forward, but he never tells her that she needs to be stronger. This can even be observed through his extremely direct personality; his straightforwardness on its own also encourages MC to be more direct too. Ultimately, MC taking the initiative wouldn’t be for him; it would be for herself, on her own terms. His role is only to help guide and encourage her.
To prevent a flower from withering, you don’t forbid it from blooming. That wasn’t true protection. True heroism was about becoming stronger for the sake of the flower you wanted to protect, to accompany it through the storms. (Chapter 12 生死与共)
For Xiao Yi, fighting against the world and running away from himself was never true freedom. Having attachments to other people brought significant value to his life.
He finally understood. His yearning for freedom stemmed from a lack of attachments. And now, he was willing to trade some of that freedom for a different kind. (6* Card 四百击)
Not only that, but having attachments to others in and of itself is the true freedom that Xiao Yi has been searching for his whole life. Xiao Yi and MC find freedom when they’re with each other, because through simply accepting each other as they are, they allow each other’s unique individuality to shine. True freedom is staying true to yourself and your humanity.
Xiao Yi has come out the other end of adversity as a strong and admirable hero, and unlike the abusive authority figures he faced in the past who used their power for evil, he chooses to use his strength to protect the innocent. He shows that the role of the strong should be to protect and support people who are still discovering their own inner strengths, not to prey on and exploit their kindness. After all, kindness is a strength that highlights the strongest parts of humanity, not a weakness.
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