His voice was like a punch to the stomach, leaving him dying for air. Gods, he had recognized him, what was he supposed to do. Ethan could feel his eyes on him, but he couldn’t seem to move. A rarity to have him so stunned, but he never thought--He was dead to Edmund, to his siblings, he had always tried to think of them in the same way. Edmund, especially. He had been close to him, especially after he found out he was his brother, but he couldn’t have him around anymore. He wasn’t alive, at least, that’s what it was supposed to feel like. A ghost, merely wandering the world. Realities, such as this one, were harsh. Nevertheless, he couldn’t stay stunned, his frozen silence only lasting a few moments before he acted yet again.
His hand trembled as he put back the magazine he picked up, trying to buy himself more time before he had to speak. What was he supposed to say? Sorry, I didn’t actually die and I was too afraid to go back to camp? That would sound horrible, and would make him a coward. Not that he didn’t think himself of one, but Ethan didn’t want anyone to know that. He was the hero that tried to kill Kronos before it was too late, not the child who switched sides when he wasn’t going to win. No, no, there had to be something better to say. Anything to comfort his brother. He wasn’t a very affectionate person, nor was he all that great at describing his emotions, but he cared about Edmund, more than anything. He was his family. And he had abandoned him. No better than the gods. Ethan clenched his jaw, that was a horrible thought, not one that should be thought. He didn’t care for the gods by any means, but his life was spared. Surely, he had to thank one of them for that.
He turned to him, slipping his shaking hands into his pockets. He looked just like he remembered him, intense, strong eyes. They shared that, it must be a family trait. Ethan had never thought about that before, but it only made him feel worse. How could he have turned his back on his family. It was for the greater good, what would have happened if you had gone back? He didn’t know, it terrified him. But, looking at Edmund, who appeared so angry, but most of all H U R T, he couldn’t bare his own actions. He should have been there for his family. He was far better than that.
“Edmund,” he says, forcing his expression to stay neutral, not wanting to break down in front of all these people, or his brother. Even though he was younger, Ethan had always been the ideal Nemesis son, being able to control his own emotions. Even now, he couldn’t break that. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be the boy Edmund remembered. There needed to be recognition, it was part of the BOND. He needed for there to be a bond, it might be the only way Edmund could forgive him. His head ached along with his heart.
Forgiveness. That was what he wanted, what he was afraid of not giving. Better to not give them the chance to reject you, wasn’t it? But now, after letting his death stick with his family, there was hardly a chance of forgiveness. He had shot himself him in the foot. The thought almost made him start to cry. Almost. Using his most gentle voice, trying to ease the situation the best he could, Ethan continued, “Lower your voice, you’re going to attract people’s attention.”
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