This is a note for you. I hope you see it. I'm sorry for everything. Everything that went wrong, everything that should have happened but didn't. You've faced steeper odds than most people our age ever have to, but here you are. You're pulling through, and that's all YOU. You might have utilized me or my family or whoever to help get you here, but it was ALL YOU in the end. I'm extremely disgusted with the lack of help you were given by the people who should have been there for you. But I am so proud of you. You've proven yourself to be stronger than anybody should have to be. You're beating those odds that were stacked against you.
On another note, I don't want you to feel guilty or trapped or anything along those lines. I just want you to be happy. I decided a long time ago that I'd stand by you through thick and thin. I remember when we were stupid and young and different all those years ago, I wrote you a big long message on AIM. I can't remember it word for word, but I remember bits of it. I remember saying that I'd be there with you when it was the hottest night of summer and the coldest day of winter, when you were happiest and when you were most sad. I remember how sincere it was, I remember you told me you showed your mom and it made her cry.
I know that was so long ago, and we were so young. Obviously we've changed so much since then. That's just life. But as much as we've grown and changed, we never grew apart. We're closer now than we were then. Regardless, after all this time and all the growing, I still mean what I told you back then. It doesn't matter how young I was when I said it. I still mean it with all my heart. I will stay right here with you. Even when everything feels like shit, when life is at it's lowest, I am going to be right here. With you. I'm not letting this slip away because life got hard and threw a few curveballs. Nothing comes free, and that's why I'm going to keep my hand on yours no matter what. We'll come out of this tunnel, and the light on the other side will be brighter than it ever has been before. And we'll see it together.
Just remember that. Things will get better. I think 19 was the toughest year of my life so far. Maybe you're not having a great time of it either. It's when the last of your youth crashes headlong into the first part of your adulthood. It's right now, in the middle of all this, that you will learn who you truly are. The choice is yours as to who you will be. And before you know it, the shit that's driving you crazy will recede, and you will feel whole again. You just need to stay strong and stay true.
Don't forget, I'm here for you. I always have been, I always will be. Just think of the light at the end of the tunnel. It's coming. Even though you've been in the dark so long you've almost forgotten what daylight looks like, you will soon be bathed in it. You really will.
I've got one more thought on my mind. Something to leave off with. Imagine you found the most beautiful diamond you could imagine, and brought it home and put it on display. If you look at that same diamond every day for years, it'll start to look less like a diamond and more like every other object around it. You'll stop noticing the way it shimmers, the way it refracts light into a rainbow. You'll stop noticing its flaws and faces. And as ridiculous as it seems, sometimes you need to stop and take good close look at that diamond. Suddenly, all those little features and quirks you forgot about will take your breath away. It'll be like seeing it for the first time. And right then, you'll remember why you brought it home in the first place.
And no, I'm not the diamond. We are.
I love you.
To Her, from Him.
