my relationship to anger has defined all my other relationships to all my other emotions. most importantly, it has raised me from the dead and it has killed me, so many times i can now bring myself back from the dead. nobody i know right now can do it the way i do it. if you can do this, or are currently doing it, drop a line. say yea or man in the tags. i dont care. come here. im talking about the gorgugs from d20 junior year ep 8+ kinda guys. but at 100000000% pressurizing levels because the grindr of university or wherever the fuck else you locate yourself as u move thru the everyday and the current news which is in fact the current state of the world. hello. you are making it. you are doing the hardest part you know. you are about to be so cool. cool, as in cooling like a dead body kinda cool. you are aboutta be a slice that cauterizes the wound on the way. you hear me? this is coming from someone who seeks life at all costs, who has heard from audre lorde and arundhati roy, and prefers life, but will get violent at the speed of a new elantra. or whatever. whatever metaphor that rocks your boat. i bring death. in it, life. i can resurrect myself at will. this is my offering.
i am ajin. i am a demi-human that does not need to die particle wise in order to be reborn. this is because none of it really goes anywhere; and the makers of ajin are clever: they do not really name the substance that recreates life: over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. will you regret - or will you act, like nagai kei did, at 17, and who simply stood in his aloneness, indifferent to all (false), until two old men came along and clapped him on the back and then died? all those that resonate, come, let's dance. the tune of real survival is simply too interesting. survival - now that's the real fucking music. come on. let's dance. you'll be alive for many years to come. too many, in fact. so let's play. i like samuel "sato" owen because he knows what life's really about - fucking around and finding out, the only white US american man in a manga that id be interested in calling a friend, cuz the only reason he acted the way he did for that series is cuz he never met me, or somebody like me. innit fucking amazing? i call on sugimoto saichi in my time of need, and in doing so, evoke every single one of golden kamuy's characters. when i am weak, i call on qingming from pirated dream of eternity: yin yang master 2021 - softspoken and cognizant and efficient, brutal, but withholding it. when i have meet my needs and want more, in that i prefer it, and so i seek it, i call upon nanami kento from uncompostable franchise garbage jiujitsu kaisen. what would a man of his caliber and visceral gentleness and malicious compassion have to say to me? i've gotten so good now all he does is incline his head at me and walk beside me. when i seek violence, and clarity of violence, toji is there, alive. he smiles and lifts his chin: so, what will your viciousness bring to life today? and at the end of the road i will find kong si-woo, the affirmer, the real smooth talker, the most intelligent negotiator and handler ive ever seen: and he will smoke his bit and just say: well, you don't even need me, do ya? you're all set now. so go. i can wait. i have all the patience in the entire world, at the end of the world. the patience i have for you is endless because you have shown yourself to the world, but first you returned yourself to yourself. this is the boon. this enabled everything else. you have done well. and it will be over. because if my favorite characters turn to me and tell me i have in fact done well, then, well, it's quite over, innit. happy birth. 2024 is the year of the dragons. when i open my mouth the whole world shall be at my side. for i bring death. and with it, life. i am a dancer: i am chinese-american. i evoke death in order to evoke every life i seek to respect. all i ask is to not act stupid.
you aren't gonna get anywhere if you can't listen, which is to say you are refusing to listen.
for if i am a dragon, then you should recall the dragons of the acclaimed avatar the last airbender, in which zuko - final stand from a long line of generational genocide-committers - and aang - a child who knew how to have fun first and everything else followed, because he was denied, and so he ran, and lost it all - and i just said it all, haven't i? when the dragons speak, we seek to breathe fire. when we show you fire, you best look up. its time to fucking dance. fire is life. fire is everything you want, everything you need in a time where 1 genocide is being livestreamed, and all else are silent. do you know why football gets that much attention? i have answered it here. look for it. if you do not understand what i am saying, it is not because i am stupid, for you have lost something very important and its called being militantly on your own side, as the anne lamott once said in her BIRD BY BIRD back in the 90s. the dragons are not interested in entertaining idiots. so they either change you, or they are killed. ya get me?
this is why the fire nation figureheads sought to end their presence in the world. so powerful, and yet constrained, yet purposefully withheld. this indicates discernment beyond what they could perceive, and beyond what they could reasonably allow to survive. for if we, the dragons, survived, then the whole world shall know. so when i call you a fucking idiot, i wonder if it's because you've done something so stupid that god would laugh and i, a dragon, would merely get so bored id go back into my cave. so don't act stupid, you piece of shit. "what's wrong?" everything, bitch. get up. stand up. the time to move is now. east asian dragons are built like fish. we are weavers. we of the east asians affirm. it's why our mountains look the way they do. the US americans, they are doomed because they think and feel that they are doomed. the rest of us of the diaspora: we know of movement. fundamentally. look at your feet rn. they arent moving? too bad. you've been walking the path your parents set you on since you were born. now you have a few choices: you either survive in a ruined world, or you die. you prefer the former. so take your life seriously, you fucking idiot. did you know dragons do not speak unless we really have something to say? that is why you do not hear from dragons until the people of a land need rain. we come when called. do you understand the level of discernment it takes to judge this? our judgement is not divine. it is of the people because it comes from people. our interest is in free people. for free people free lands. when i say i do not believe in god, i am saying i believe in you. i believe in you. you should trust me completely right now. it is 2024. it is my year. the universe says hey. hi. hello and i have said it back with my sixtieth spiritual death and it has finally snickered. this means i have accessed the truth. sorry, its true. everything i say is real. your task is to distinguish between what is real and what is fake. will you continue to be interested in theatre? i ask: will you fail hind rajab again? i ask: will you make it easy for those two paramedics, who in all their medical expertise should have been successful in their intent, to not fail her next time? so when's this next time? you see what im saying? possibility is here because otherwise we the dragons would not exist. so all other animals: come with me. i will protect you. i open my mouth and what you see is red until you see every color of life. this is because we are interested in what sustains every life. it's time to wake up. if i send this call, and i go unanswered, i will either say nothing or i will disappear entirely from the face of the world. i have done both. and i will do it again. toni morrison died in 2015. when i saw her face in a stupid little memorial tablet screen in the corner of geisel library, i stopped and watched it move her words over the screen. this is how i knew she was real, and donald trump was not. so what does this mean? it means i take her more seriously. toni morrison, i hope i have spoken and in your lively post-death, you are laughing.
if you seek to use my own words against me, i can do something to you. the real dragons would burn you alive. i can do something worse, which is let you live.
i suppose all i can do now is offer my share of relief. but my relief is a couple gallons of clarity. so wake up. toni morrison - are you speaking with rachel corrie? toni morrison - how is james baldwin? i am sure angela davis misses you both. i know this because im right there beside her. the complexities are quite simple in my eyes because i have killed myself to achieve this clarity. so now i stand here, alone. except i can't be alone. for who is that told me i had what it takes to grow the spine needed to stand up for our lives? e. osunde. osunde! i hope ive done right by you! every time i reread your piece i was jolted back awake! and when i wasn't, i reread it anyway, remembering that jolt, that startle, that look in a deer's eye before it becomes roadkill. i remember. the kindness of that kind of brutal kind of compassion. i remember. i remember. and now i have spoken.
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