Literally Just Here To Vent

Don’t have anything nice to say? Then move on. No one’s making you interact.

[nanananananananatrauma]

Drew a little Alastor bookmark while I was at work

[nanananananananatrauma]

Modern human Vox&Alastor (could be radiostatic or radiosilence) where Vincent is a YouTuber who hunts cryptids and Alastor is a popular podcaster.

Vincent has a growing channel but kills his rivals in an attempt to be the most popular. He travels to New Orleans to do a video series on the mysterious disappearances of several wealthy men and the monster rumored to be responsible, only to discover that it was Alastor all along.

[nanananananananatrauma]

The thing people often don't realize about chronic pain and chronic illness is the ways that people learn to cope. Like today I was at work moving brush piles one handed and someone asked me why I wasn't using both hands and I explained that my arthritis was acting up and they were like "lol that's so weird you just shouldn't come into work" without realizing that if I never came into work when my body was rebelling against me I probably would be fired. So instead I use my other hand to get my work done.

Incidentally, this is also what kept me from being diagnosed for so long. Because every doctor asked if it was impacting my work and I truly didn't know because I was never not finding ways to cope or compensate for it. It wasn't until a doctor finally asked "does the pain keep you from completing tasks in the way that others do" that I realized that this was even a problem.

[nanananananananatrauma]

I really regret to inform everyone that Hazbin Hotel is great actually. And you should watch it. This hurts me more than it hurts you

[nanananananananatrauma]

There's something about the high of hyperfixating that feels so good. Being obsessed with something and unable to focus on anything else. Feeling your attention drift to it when you should be focusing on other things. Laying awake at night and thinking about it so viscerally you feel like you can reach out and touch it.

And then the hyperfixation leaves and thinking about it makes your stomach turn. You want to think of anything else but your brain has trained itself to think that the only way to feel joy is to think about The Thing. The Thing makes you happy, or it should, but now you're exhausted from not sleeping and behind on work and The Thing is still there and visceral and you can touch it but it makes your skin crawl and you want it gone and you want it there and you want it to feel good to think about again.

Then a new hyperfixation comes along and it all starts again.

[nanananananananatrauma]

Society makes me want to keep my hair short, stay logical and hide within myself.

But something about grief makes me want to abandon society. It makes me want to grow my hair long and be impulsive and and say to fuck with pretending to be someone I’m not.

We have so little time here and I don’t want to spend it hiding who I am

[amisscreant]

With @staff 's recent post saying 1/4 of this site is LGBTQ going around, I'd like to see what the actual demographic is

So!

would you identify yourself as:

LGBTQ+

not LGBTQ+

unsure/questioning

Voting ended onSep 4, 2023

Please reblog for bigger sample size!

[nanananananananatrauma]

A fun fact about me is that when I tried to get the covid vaccine in high school I was told that if I got it then I would be kicked out of the house

[nanananananananatrauma]

*swirls wine glass*

*laughs*

Ahah no, you miss understand. I was raised to consider literally every other person on the planet before I even thought for a second about how I feel

[nanananananananatrauma]

One of the funny things about my ptsd in relation to my trauma is that I loose time so often, like even in the middle of conversation, but I never feel like I can ask what I missed because I was taught that not paying attention to what everyone is saying all of the time is a moral failure

[nanananananananatrauma]

That moment when you’re trying to figure out why you’ve felt like shit recently and then you remember that you’ve been off of your depression medication for over a month because you can’t afford it anymore

[nanananananananatrauma]

Do you ever just realize that you were raised to believe that if anything bad happens to you it’s your fault because “whatever you put into the universe comes back to you” meaning that you pushed away your emotions and built a toxicly positive persona around yourself because if you just tell yourself that everything is okay then things can’t crumble around you?

Me neither.