i miss you dearly / sylus x reader / fluff ;)
endless skies / caleb x non mc reader / angst
bite / caleb x reader / fluff
--- full list in read more.
caleb:
🍎 summer memory / fluff
an ordinary summer's day with caleb.
🍎 sick / fluff + comfort
you hate being sick and caleb promises to make
everything better
🍎 lego ring / fluff
sometime during your school years with caleb, you give him a ring to scare the girls away.
🍎 echo / angst
caleb's secrets weigh heavy on you both.
🍎 movie night / fluff
you bite caleb.
🍎 turn me on and turn me down / angst
your good friend caleb confesses his love to you while a little drunk.
🍎 but not kiss / fluff + angst undertones
part two of "turn me on and turn me down"
despite everything, your friendship with caleb hasn't changed.
🍎 two halves of an apple / angst
(non mc) you confess to your childhood friend.
🍎 two halves of an apple / fluff + comfort
part two of "two halves of an apple"
you return to linkon and run into both mc and caleb after avoiding them for so many years.
🍎 kitty cards / fluff
caleb is way too good at this game.
🍎 roche limit / angst
the closer you two are, the more you tear each
other apart.
🍎 oranges / angst + fluff
(non mc) caleb likes mc and you like caleb.
🍎 unlucky / angst
caleb starts dating someone and you take it pretty well... or do you? :p
🍎 unlucky part 2 / angst
things have changed ever since caleb started dating someone else and you still struggle to fully accept it.
🍎 memorized head to feet / birthday fluff
you decide to use one of the ribbons from caleb's gifts as a blindfold just for funsies
🍎 father's day with caleb / fluff
you and your daughter start father's day off by bringing caleb breakfast in bed.
🍎 jealousy / fluff
caleb has always been popular and you have always hated that.
🍎 oranges part 2 / angst
(non mc) mc introduces you to an old friend from her childhood named zayne and getting to know him has helped you remember that there is more to life than your love for caleb.
🍎 bite / fluff
seeing caleb in that one sleeveless shirt of his has you foaming at the mouth. you just have to bite him
🍎 endless skies / angst
(non mc) caleb has been plagued with a condition he can’t explain. his ears never go long without loud, ear-piercing sounds that came with debilitating migraines. both of which only ever seemed to stop when he was with you.
drabbles:
🍎 fushigi / drabble / fluff
caleb's magic show :)
🍎 pretty / drabble / angst
caleb finds out you and gideon are close
🍎 morning with him / drabble / fluff
just another lazy morning in bed with caleb.
🍎 no need to knock / drabble / fluff
something something the door to your room and caleb idk
🍎 a misty memory / drabble / angst
after returning from a mission, caleb no longer remembers you.
🍎 confetti / drabble / fluff
the house is finally finished being rebuilt and caleb enthusiastically welcomes you back home.
zayne:
⛄ snowpath / slow burn + angst
(non mc) after fighting a group of dangerous
wanderers, you somehow end up in an unfamiliar place with a very familiar face.
⛄ snowpath pt. 2 / slow burn + angst
part two of "snowpath"
you explore your new surroundings while under
the care of “dawnbreaker"
⛄ your lips, my lips / fluff
you have a bad habit of biting and picking at your lips and zayne wants to help you in any way he can.
sylus:
🌹 innocent birdcage / angst
(non mc) based off of slyus' tomorrow's catch-22 memory "innocent birdcage" not really a fic (?)
🌹 nestled embrace / fluff
you visit sylus a few days before his birthday.
🌹 she wont stay long / angst
you decide that you no longer wish to stand between sylus and miss hunter.
your last assignment really took a lot out of you. it was a mission that consisted of traveling far away, cooperating with hunters you barely even knew, and fighting hoards of wanderers for what felt like hours on end. it was only natural for you to be exhausted by the time you returned home. you effectively passed out the moment you slumped under the covers of your bed.
luckily, you didn't need to work the following day, so you slept like a baby. however, your rest was interrupted the following day, sometime in the late morning. through bleary eyes and a brain mushy from sleep, you awoke to the sight of zayne at your bedside. he's seated on a chair, holding your closest hand in his own. you aren't sure why, but he's wiping down your hand with a wet rag.
"hmm..?" battling sleep, you stare at him through droopy eyelids. "zayne?" his name is the only thing you can even think to say.
seeing your fight to stay awake, zayne chuckles quietly. "i let myself in using the key you gave me," he explains, gently dabbing the wet rag atop your fingers. "you didn't respond to my message last night. i stopped by to confirm you were okay."
"m'okay," you mumble, nodding faintly. "sorry i didn't text you back… i fell asleep."
"no need to apologize." he squeezes your hand and kneads it with light pressure. "your last mission must have been extremely taxing. i've never seen you so exhausted."
"mhmm." you hum. "i'm really sleepy."
"rest." zayne dries his hand quickly. he then brushes a knuckle against your cheek.
"but… i don't want to leave you alone." you yawn, snuggling into your blanket. "won't you be bored if i go back to sleep?"
"no," he murmurs, "i won't be bored at all."
pulling his hand back, he grabs something from the table. "i noticed your nails have grown quite long." he briefly shows you the metal clippers. "let me take care of you."
you immediately relax, a drowsy smile crawling onto your face. "you're so thoughtful, zayne."
his ears flush. "it's the least i can do."
you melt into his care, not yet returning to sleep. you want to linger in the moment with him for just a little while longer. you're always the most relaxed you have ever been with zayne by your side. it's warm and peaceful. you know for a fact that you can't find this kind of contentment anywhere else.
once your nails are trimmed to an appropriate length, he grabs another thing from the table.
"cuticle oil." he says, applying it around your nails. "it's the one you recommended i use."
you relax further. the more he talks, the closer you get to falling back to sleep.
"i also brought along a cream to help with your calluses." he says while dutifully massaging your fingers. "we will have to monitor its effectiveness over the course of this upcoming week. if this one fails to do the job, i know a few others we can try."
"hmm."
hearing your quiet, barely-there hum, zayne pauses. "am i keeping you awake?" he asks, his voice so low it dips into a whisper.
"no, no." you open your eyes by a centimeter. "your voice is like a lullaby, zayne." you whisper.
"please keep talking to me."
zayne stills for a moment, sat staring at you contemplatively. he hesitates, afraid to keep you from sleep for long, but he eventually obliges.
"as you wish."
he begins, quiet and careful, "the child you rescued a few days ago asked about you today. she and i bonded over our favorite hunter." his words are stained with a smile fonder than fond. "if i recall correctly, i believe she has a gift for you. you should visit her before the end of the week."
"yvonne also asked when your next visit would be. she wants to give you a souvenir from her last solo-trip to…" his words trail off into silence.
glancing over you, he smiles in relief. you're asleep and he doesn't want to disturb you. you have been far too busy lately. although he misses spending time with you, even this much is enough for him.
he sighs softly and affectionately, your name a sweet whisper tumbling out from his lips. "the next time you wake, i hope you will give me more of your time." he knows how embarrassing his plea sounds, but he can't help it. he misses you more than he would like to admit.
zayne admires you silently. then, he leans over the side of the bed and carefully presses a soft kiss to your forehead. "rest well," he murmurs, the words melting into your warm skin.
content: ex!sylus, minor angst, yearning, yummy breakfast with sylus
summary: you wake up one morning to find sylus cooking breakfast for you.
stirring awake, you realize you had accidentally left the blinds to your window open. you can feel the morning's sun bathing you in its glow. you lie in it for a few minutes, just until you hear something odd.
sitting up in somewhat of a daze, you take a second to make out what files into and out of your ears. it takes you a moment before it clicks.
faint soft drums, a leading saxophone, and an accompanying piano. music? you don't remember leaving any music on before you went to sleep last night.
you're fully awake at this point. a little alarmed, too.
you jump out of bed and hurriedly make your way to the living room. you're greeted by a slow but lively song. walking through the music, you peek into the kitchen and find yourself staring at the back of a very familiar figure.
"sylus?" you call out to him, your voice warped from a blend of surprise and confusion.
the man in question stands at the stove dressed in clothes you haven't ever seen him in before. a worn out shirt two sizes too big and sweatpants that are more casual than expensive. unsurprisingly, he pulls it off.
sylus turns halfway, his unstyled hair brushing against his forehead. "ah, i see you've awoken at last." he smirks at you. "good morning, sweetie."
"good morning…" you walk further into the room. "what are you doing?"
"isn’t it obvious?” he chuckles, gesturing towards the stove. "i'm preparing breakfast."
you snort, "i can see that." walking up to him, you instead ask, "why are you doing this all of a sudden?"
"hmm." he hums. "you sure do have quite a lot of questions this morning."
"sylus."
he flinches at the blunt way you say his name.
sighing, he replies, "i just thought it would be a nice change of pace." his playful voice dipped into a quiver of timidity, something absolutely uncharacteristic for a man like sylus. "think of it as a good deed for someone i deeply care for."
"and you used the spare key i gave you?" you ask.
"yes, sweetie." he fidgets. "i did."
hearing an alarming sizzling sound, he spins back around, busying his hands to salvage the food.
you glance around the kitchen with a mild look on your face. you aren't surprised that he can cook. sylus is skilled at many things in life. he's the kind of man that would learn something from the ground up if he so desired. what did surprise you, however, was the fact that he actually commited to the banal task of cooking. he once previously said that while he enjoys eating a variety of foods, he does not enjoy cooking and would rather avoid doing it at all costs.
the stove shuts off with a click.
"have i upset you?" he asks, still facing the stove.
"you would know if you turned around," you answer.
"i'm not sure i want to know." he shakes his head fondly. "i fear upsetting you more than i fear a deal ending badly."
time pauses, heavy and immovable. flowing in from the living room, a new song plays. one somber and wistful.
"turn around, sylus." you demand. not harshly, just firmly.
it takes him only a second to do as you say. his houseslippers glide on the kitchen tiles, hesitant but willing. he faces you like he's bracing himself. to his surprise, you're smiling.
"i don't mind you visiting." you assure him. "it's nice."
relaxing, that lopsided smirk of his returns. "i think so too."
“besides, it’s my fault for not asking you to return the keys.” you add.
his smirk droops a millimeter.
“let’s not talk about that right now, sweetie.” picking up the plate, he gently guides you towards the dining table. “i would rather us have breakfast first. what do you think?”
“okay.” you nod. “breakfast sounds good.”
you sit down as instructed, pleased with the food presented to you. it isn't anything fancy. nothing like the meals sylus eats on a daily basis, both rich in flavor and price. instead, it's homemade and all of your favorites. he even went as far as to pour you a cup of your favorite drink.
once he was seated across from you, you both began eating in silence.
something about this scene tickled your heart.
although he hadn't once acted this way before, it felt perfect. scarily so. you could picture this being forever with him. one day jazz, another his favorite classical pieces. a delicious breakfast, maybe lunch at your favorite family-owned restaurant, and dinner prepared by two later in the evening. it would be a peaceful collaboration of life.
that is— if you two had lasted.
perhaps that is the future of you and sylus in another universe.
"thank you for breakfast." you gather your dishes and stand up from your chair. "it was delicious, sylus. seriously." you smile at him for what feels like the first time in forever.
"i'll wash the dishes." you reach for his plate as well.
he swiftly grabs his dishes out of your reach. "i don't mind helping." he gets up as well.
"what?" you raise an eyebrow at him. "why are you so eager to help with washing dirty dishes?"
"ah-ah." he shakes his head.
"don't get it twisted, sweetheart," he chuckles, "i'm not exactly eager to get my hands dirty."
"i simply want to spend more time by your side," he shamelessly admits.
your lips purse into half of a smile.
"whatever you say, sylus."
the next few minutes consist of running water and soap suds. you handle the washing and he dries the dishes with a cloth, placing each piece precisely where it belongs. he moves around your kitchen as if it were his own. funny, given that this is one of his few times in it.
"by the way," you speak as you dry your hands, "what's with your clothes?"
"my clothes?" sylus glances down. "ah, my clothes."
the look in his eyes flicker. you spot hesitation and embarrassment.
"i ran into some trouble on my way here," he confesses. "i knew you would be awake soon, so i didn't have enough time to change. i had someone deliver some clothes from one of my nearby residences." he mumbles, "and these just happened to be the only clothes there."
his explanation only adds to your confusion.
"you very well could have had someone buy new clothes for you." you point out. "you've done so countless time before."
"that's true, but…" his eyelashes twitch. you watch, quietly, as his ears slowly flush red. "you once told me i should try to be a bit more resourceful and i fully took your words to heart."
your eyes widen once his words fully sink in.
you do remember saying that. offhandedly, of course. you never once wanted to criticize his lifestyle, but you always felt a bit regretful when he would throw things aside once he deemed it worthless. you didn't want to change the man you fell in love with. you just wanted him to see your perspective— that there were countless other ways to go about something other than immediately moving onto the next best thing.
you are, undoubtedly, someone that thinks too much about the little things. you reuse items as much as you can, find appreciation in old but beloved things, and treasure what you are given regardless of its monetary value.
that's where you and sylus differed greatly. too greatly, in fact, that it eventually became a chasm that separated you.
"i…" you clear your throat. "i'm surprised you actually listened to me."
"me too." he smiles wryly. "how late these changes have come about."
at that moment, the birds' chirping slows to a halt. rain begins to replace their calls. from how harshly the water pelts against the windows, you figure sylus will be here for a while.
"let's take a seat in the living room," you suggest.
turning around, you make your way towards the kitchen door.
"i miss you." sylus says, suddenly— breathlessly. as if he could no longer hold in the ache of keeping silent. "i miss you dearly, sweetheart." his voice wavers under the weight of his emotions. "to the extent that i am not quite sure how to be without you."
he laughs bitterly, "i had no idea i could become such a pathetic man."
"sylus…" you turn to him again.
he does not stop talking.
"this isn't like me." his mouth runs on adrenaline-fueled desperation, "i deal with dangerous weapons, people with morals that bend with only a price tag— and even then there is nothing in this world i fear more than losing you for good." he stumbles towards you. "i regret ever agreeing to our separation."
"you know i'm not a man that begs, but for you..." his gaze steadies on you. "for you, i will."
his large hands gently scoop up both of your own. he stares at you like his life is on the line.
"please." he brings your hands up and presses his lips softly to your knuckles. "won't you please reconsider us?" he pleads.
"i want us to breathe the same air, to live a life that knits seamlessly into one. i want to be what provides you comfort and understanding." his ruby red eyes are unwavering. honest and raw. beautiful. "i understand that i was foolish. i condemned you for your frugality not realizing it came from the softest place in your heart."
"i'm more than willing to give it all up if it means i can be yours and you can be mine." he says— no, promises. this is his ultimate sacrifice. he is fully prepared to keep to his words if it means regaining the right to love and hold you.
you gently remove one of your hands from his. you see, in half a second, how his eyes twitch a fraction wider. you imagine his heart has dropped into the depths of his stomach. that's how frightened he appears to you.
before his thoughts could go too far, you reach up and cup the side of his face. his expression shifts immediately.
"sylus," you begin, your gaze impossibly soft and your words somewhat feathery. "no one should ever sacrifice anything for another person. especially not in a relationship," you say. "i don't want that at all."
"what else can i do?" his eyes flutter, covering those devastated pools of crimson. "please tell me how i can bring you back into my arms." he rubs his cheek into your palm, savoring the feeling as if this was nothing more than a fleeting moment.
"i don't want to change for you, sylus." you whisper. "and i don't want you to change for me either."
"i love you." you say this louder— more confidently than you did when you two were dating. "i love every inch of you and that includes how you enjoy living your life surrounded by luxury."
his eyes snap open.
"luxury pales in comparison to you, sweetie." he hurriedly chimes in to prove a point.
you roll your eyes, laughing. "i was trying to build up to something, sylus." you scrunch your nose at him. "do you want this conversation to end here?"
"no, of course not." he shakes his head into your hand. "do continue."
"as i was saying…" you smile.
"it felt like we were visitors in each others' lives." you say. " but today… today was a huge step. it felt like you were actually a part of my life."
"i felt the same way." he murmurs. "in all honesty, today felt quite nice."
"i'm so glad you think so." you exhale through your smile.
"if we get back together, we have to compromise. we have to properly learn how to live in the same realm."
"i'll learn how to live life the way you do, sylus. i promise." you chuckle. "though i'm sure it'll be a bit difficult."
"nonsense." he kisses the lines of your palm. "you'll adapt wonderfully so long as we take it nice and slow." his voice sounds lighter, lacking his usual confidence. it sounds as if he believes he's in some sort of dream. a dream so beautiful it's cruel.
"come." you twist your wrist so that you're holding onto sylus' hand. "let's go sit together on the couch." your smile draws all the way up to your eyes. "i missed being close to you, sylus."
he blinks, gradually returning from the clouds of doubt.
"is my body the only thing you missed?" he chuckles.
you shake your head side to side.
"i missed you, sylus." you respond honestly.
his lips curl upwards towards his own eyes.
"i missed you too," he breathes out, "desperately and with all of my heart."
"okay, loverboy. way to one-up me." you tug him closer and kiss him on his cheek. "now lets go cuddle on the couch and catch up, okay?"
positively frazzled, he nods.
"yes." his heart hurts from how happy he is. "as you wish, sweetie."
it hurts to breathe. there's a knot in your throat, like a bundled up ball of nerves set in place to prevent you from breathing properly. every inhale is a fiery burn and you choke exhaling.
the lack of oxygen is getting to you. you're dizzy enough to feel sick and numb at the same time. for a few seconds, your vision blurs and fades in and out. despite that, your already-bloodied hands continue to grip around the hilt of a knife. your pupils quiver, darting everywhere, avoiding endless violet pools that see too deeply into you.
"please," you croak, shakily holding the knife just above the heart of another. you repeat, on the cusp of sobbing, "please…"
seeing you like this, caleb chuckles. "what are you waiting for, pipsqueak?" his face blurs beneath your tearful gaze. "you've got me right where you want."
he sluggishly lifts an arm off the floor.
framing the side of your face with the palm of his hand, he speaks again. "take whatever you want." he murmurs, "i'm all yours." it's just as much as a promise as it is a curse.
"stop," you hiccup, "stop it. stop saying those things with his face…" beads of tears dribble down your cheeks as you speak, falling onto his face in quiet, wet thuds.
caleb inhales slowly.
"you're beautiful like this, pipsqueak." the dead man chuckles, "i wish we could stay in this moment forever."
"stop it!" you scream, the black spots in your vision turning red.
panting heavily, you finally clear your vision of tears, glaring as you faintly make out his features. the gleam of life in his sweet eyes sickens you, but you can't look away. his gaze is tender and familiar, captivating you so cruelly.
you grasp the knife with crushing strength.
"you monster." you hiss, cursing the evil being you hover over. the rage and sorrow coursing through your bloodstream twists the features of your face. maybe you, too, are a monster.
you have tried every possible way to kill this nameless creature. guns, knives, poison. anything that could hurt, you used. no matter what you did, it would not die. it refused death at no cost. you were stuck with a monster that mimicked the man you were still mourning.
your initial reaction to the monster was different. positive, even.
when this monster first appeared before you, you were overcome with joy. you firmly believed your caleb had dug himself out from his grave. you had cried and welcomed him back home. you didn't stop to think about whether it was a dream come true or a nightmare that contaminated reality.
now, your decision to blindly believe in a miracle has drained you of your sanity.
caleb chuckles, dragging you out of your thoughts. "here." as helpful as the dead man you know best, the monster presses a hand against your own and steadies your aim. "let me help you."
you don't stop him.
a twisted part of you melts against the warmth of his hand. it replicated caleb's palms so perfectly. its touch feels like home.
"just like this—" caleb's mouth twitches open as the knife sinks down into his chest. his eyes roll backwards into its sockets, the pain ripping a mild scream out from gritted teeth.
with his hand still tight around your own, you shift your weight, adding pressure to the knife. the blade disappears into his flesh, inch by squelchy inch, until the hilt is all that you can see. only then do you stop pushing it in.
silence. the monster is deathly still.
a glimmer of hope flashes through your eyes.
is this it? is it finally dead?
then, his eyes roll back into place.
caleb coughs, globs of blood splattering everywhere. ignoring the specks of red painted across your face, you watch him struggle to breathe through mouthfuls of blood.
"pipsqueak…" he says, gargling between syllables.
his adoring eyes don't fade. he stares right at you almost mockingly.
"twist the knife," he urges you. "it'll hurt a lot more." he smiles, lips chapped and bloodied. "trust me."
your hands quiver around the knife's handle. a deadly combination of resentment and grief pours into you like magma. you want to tear his lips right off of his face. maybe then he will stop smiling at you the same way your caleb did.
"i hate you." you pull the knife out with a sob and toss it off to the side, disregarding how it clanks loudly against the hardwood floors.
"give me my caleb back." you slam your fists down onto his chest. each thump splashes you in more cold, lifeless blood, staining you permanently with loss.
after a few more strikes, you rest your hands flush against his chest.
you stare at him through blood and tears, a tiny whimper of, "give him back…" disappearing into another sob.
caleb's pained expression shifts into one of concern.
"pipsqueak, please—"
before he could fully speak, you hold him on both sides of his face. in one rushed and heated motion, you swoop down and pull him in, devouring his lips in a searing kiss. it's metallic and bitter, nothing like caleb at all. it's not the tender, soulful taste of a man you have known all your life. nor does the citrusy sweet aftertaste linger after kisses.
instead, it's bitten and torn lips.
you whimper caleb's name whenever you come up for air, mourning the man this monster mimics.
"caleb…" you croak as you finally pull away.
the dead man beneath you is soaked in his own blood. he stares at you as if you are the world. it's disgusting.
this man isn't caleb. he's just a monster wearing his skin.
tags: angst, some fluff, codependency, unhealthy relationship, doomed relationship, character death, non-human reader, she/her reader, caleb is still with the daa, caleb is unwell + avoidant, non-canon, caleb is in the daa + zayne is his doctor ?!?!
word count: 9.5k
summary: caleb has been plagued with a condition he can’t explain. his ears never go long without loud, ear-piercing sounds that came with debilitating migraines. both of which only ever seemed to stop when he was with you.
"everything appears to be normal." his doctor says, adjusting his stethoscope so it rests flat on his shoulders. hazel eyes, endless like a lush forest, stare at him calmly. it makes him feel way too seen.
caleb shifts in his seat. "yup. figured that was the case," he says, half-smiling.
"anyways..." he casts a particularly sparkly set of eyes towards the other man. "when can i leave, doc?" he asks.
"i gotta get back and prepare for my next mission."
his doctor knows better than to fall victim to his puppy-dog eyes.
"i believe it is within your best interest to rest here for a few more days." zayne responds. his tone makes it very obvious this is not up for debate.
he taps the report in his hand. "we need to monitor your condition until we are certain that there are no lasting aftereffects."
caleb groans. "seriously? what a pain…"
"a pain?" zayne raises an eyebrow at him. "taking care of your health should not be thought of as an inconvenience," he scolds.
"if anything is a pain, it would most definitely be how you and mc have dragged me into your personal conflict." he speaks in a voice mixed with both frustration and concern. "i don't think either of you understand the awkward position i am in."
flinching, caleb nervously averts his gaze.
he forces out a laugh. "what are you talkin' about?"
"caleb." zayne pinches the bridge of his nose. "what exactly happened between you two?"
"neither of you want to tell me the full story."
caleb stubbornly mumbles, "there is no 'full story'…"
zayne instantly notices his avoidant behavior. he isn't new to it and he's aware he won't be getting anything out of caleb anytime soon. still, he waits long enough for his friend to at least consider speaking up.
he quickly loses hope when he's met with more silence.
"i understand that you don't want to talk about it right now," he relents, fixing his glasses back into place. "i can only hope that the two of you will have a proper conversation. preferably sooner than later."
caleb's head slowly hangs low. he's even more quiet, his words locked behind tightened lips. he doesn't look up, but he does lightly nod his head. he appears smaller than ever, not too unlike a troubled child.
"i need to head to my next patient," zayne announces as he stands up from his chair.
"don't hesitate to contact me," he says for good measure. "i'll come check on you again soon."
caleb murmurs, "yeah, thanks."
"and do try to attend the appointment scheduled with your psychiatrist." zayne pats his shoulder. "the results of your last mental evaluation were—"
"i know." caleb hurriedly cuts in, sounding panicked. ashamed. his cheeks burn in embarrassment, flushing even more when he catches a glimpse of the startled expression on zayne's face.
he clears his throat. "i already know," he says, calmer this time. lifting his chin up, he smiles vaguely at his friend. "i'll try my best, alright?"
zayne doesn't seem convinced. caleb's smile is clumsy and his overall weariness remains a cause for concern, but what more could zayne possibly do? caleb is the picture perfect definition of stubborn. zayne can't force him to take his help if the man doesn't want to help himself.
"let's get dinner sometime soon," zayne suggests after a quiet exhale.
"sure." caleb waves at him as he leaves. "see ya around, doc."
the door clicks shut behind the doctor and a faint noise grows louder in his absence. falling back onto the hospital bed with a grunt, caleb stares up at the white panels of the ceiling. the ache in his head is gradually becoming stronger.
he forces his eyes shut.
just a few more days until he can see you.
"congratulations on your recovery," a nurse says, her cheeks flushed a sweet pink. she inches closer to him. "it was really nice getting to know you..." she looks up at him shyly, eyelashes fluttering.
caleb is very familiar with the nurse's expression. it's the kind of look warm with desire and heavy with yearning. he wore the same expression himself not too long ago.
uncomfortable, he wastes no time turning away from her, feigning ignorance.
"thank you," he responds, politely bowing his head in a show of gratitude.
quickly, and before she could even get another word out, he rushes out the hospital lobby. he can't waste any time on her at all. he needs to get home where it's safe.
the endless skies he once loved are about to devour him whole.
"still gray…" he scoffs after a brief glance at the sky. he doesn't stop to stare. he has to get home as soon as possible.
the clouds are swirling restlessly. it's simultaneously unsettling and captivating. somewhat like maggots on a rotting carcass.
if he looks for any longer, he'll become physically sick.
he finds it funny.
it wasn't too long ago that he adored the sky and its endless variety of clouds. the mystery of it all captivated him for years. it kept him hopeful and alive.
as a child, he sometimes mistook wispy cirrus clouds as faded contrails, making up stories about passing aircrafts. he'd run, play, and laugh under blue skies. all of it shared with a girl he once thought he would spend the entirety of his lifetime with.
now, the sky has become a source of his misery. his biggest threat. one of many.
he shakes his head. i need to go home.
unfortunately for him, the trip back home is tedious. it takes him a long train ride and two busses, but he gets there soon enough.
caleb is completely out of breath once he arrives at the door to his apartment. his heart is beating so hard it's about to burst.
he unlocks the door in a hurry, adrenaline coursing wildly through his veins. the noise clings to him like sweat on skin, and the pulsating pain in his skull is at its worse.
he barely clings onto his consciousness by the time he gets the door unlocked.
stumbling over the threshold, he bites his bottom lip to muffle a groan. riding off the motions of his swaying body, he locks the door and carelessly tosses his key onto the entryway table.
the keys end up slamming into a picture frame, knocking it down with a crisp thud. it amplifies the pain in his head. inhaling through gritted teeth, he fixes the frame back into place with quivering fingers. he stills once his vision clears and his brain begins to make out the picture:
him and mc, baby-faced in the living room of their childhood home.
this specific picture was taken on her thirteenth birthday. he had bought her a digital camera and she immediately put it to good use, snapping her first picture right then and there. he was happy to see her enjoy his gift so much. beyond that, he was just happy to see her happy.
bleeding into his momentary daze is a soft voice whispering, "caleb?"
his heart skips a beat at the call of his name. it breaks through the constant crackling in his ears.
tearing his gaze away from the framed picture, he finds you.
the ever-present noise abruptly stops.
"you're home!" you exclaim, smiling, lighting up his life as you always do. a giddy laugh accompanies your smile and it's music to his ears.
"i'm…" he rushes towards you and brings you in close to his chest. "i'm home," he says, his voice cracking under the weight of relief.
he hugs you tight, his heart thumping faster than it ever has before. a light chuckle passes through his lips as he lifts you off the ground like you weigh nothing.
"i missed you," he whispers, burying his face into the crook of your neck. he breathes you in, his head growing fuzzy from your comforting and pleasant scent.
you smell like home.
"i missed you too," you giggle.
your arms find its way around caleb, accepting his embrace with one of your own. he shudders at the feel of your fingers sliding through his hair, tingles crawling all over his body and into his head.
"they wouldn't let me leave the hospital." he leans back, but keeps you close. he wanted just enough room to look you in the eyes. "i was locked up like some sort of criminal," he huffs.
"what?" your eyes darken, narrowing into thin slits. "how dare they keep you from me."
your expression reminds caleb more of a harmless critter trying to be intimidating than anything else. so cute.
"i'll make them pay for locking you up," you promise.
"will you really?" his mouth stretches wide across his face. "just for lil' ole me?"
"always for you." your hand finds its way to the side of his face and he melts into your palm within seconds.
you map out the features of his face with your thumb. from a healing scar on his cheek to the dark bags under his eyes, every bit of him looks worse for wear now more than ever. you can tell he hasn't had good rest in the many weeks he has spent away from home. away from you.
"you look so tired," you murmur, masking your satisfaction with a worried tone.
caleb turns his head to press a fleeting kiss to your wrist. "tired is an understatement," he snorts.
"i'm so exhausted i could pass out." his voice is a raspy whisper you can barely make out. "i don't even know how i'm still alive."
"i can only sleep when i'm with you," he mumbles, his breath hot on your palm. "i never hear any noise when you're here. it's like you take it all away."
he pulls you into his endless purple eyes, hypnotizing you with the sweet glow and subtle specks of pink and orange. you see galaxies in them. supernovas. home.
he whispers your name in a plea. "i need you. always."
you're silent for a moment. your face is flat until, suddenly, your eyes crinkle into crescent moons and your lips slide into a smile so soft and serene it makes his heart ache.
this specific expression of yours is one only he gets to witness. it's one of the many things he adores about you. you were his and his alone.
"i'm glad." your eyes disappear and reappear between slow, pleased blinks.
"i'm glad you need me," you whisper, "because i need you too."
"you do..?" he shakily asks, sounding quietly astonished.
"mhm." you nod your head. "i do." you affirm, kissing him once, chaste like his earlier peck on your wrist.
"that's why you have to get some rest." your words brush into his lips in a light whisper. "i'll kill you if you die from a lack of sleep, you know."
he laughs through his nose. "alright, alright."
he kisses you back twice, firmly and desperately.
"i'll do whatever you want," he promises. "you know i will."
"just…" his voice fades into an awkward pause. he tightens his arms around your body, squeezing you a little bit too much for comfort. "just stay with me," he begs.
nodding, you cuddle close to his chest. "i'm right here," you assure him. "i'll always be with you, caleb."
breaking out into a smile, the tension in his shoulders finally melts away. he feels warm and relaxed holding you close like this. you won't be leaving him. that's more than enough for him to let his guard down.
gradually, his consciousness bleeds away and he falls onto the living room couch, sinking into a slumber he can only experience with you.
he wakes up a day and a half later.
he didn't mean to sleep for so long, but he's glad he did. his head was clear and his body felt lighter than ever. he felt alive again.
his joy and satisfaction comes to an abrupt halt when he realizes something is missing.
you.
"baby?" he calls out, his voice pitched with confusion.
in that second of silence without you, his ears crackle and pop, a discordant wave of sounds replacing your existence in full.
caleb instantly becomes dizzy. his forehead begins to throb to an intense rhythm. he calls out to you again, more panicked this time. scrambling off the couch, he trips on a blanket and tumbles to the ground.
"caleb?!" he hears someone shriek.
mc barrels into the living room. "oh my gosh, are you okay?" she gasps, making her way to him in a hurry.
"why…" he holds his head in his hand and forces himself onto his feet. "why are you here..?" he asks, groaning.
he can't help but look out behind her, his search for you continuing. where did she go?
"what do you mean?" mc approaches him, her eyes drawn sharp. "you didn't even tell me you were discharged from the hospital. i had to ask zayne!"
her shrill voice increases the pain in his head. "ow…"
she gasps quietly, shifting backwards in realization. "sorry," she says, her voice lowered, "i didn't know you weren't feeling well…"
"it's just a mild headache." he murmurs. "did you really come here just to check on me?" he asks with the best smile he can manage.
"i thought you were still mad at me?" he quirks one eyebrow higher than the other.
mc frowns. "who says i'm not?" she huffs, "i can be mad and worried at the same time, you know."
"yeah, well, you've got nothin' to worry about." caleb walks over to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water. he downs it in one large gulp. it does nothing to alleviate the piercing pain splitting his brain apart, but it does cool him down.
still, he doesn't stop looking for you. even with mc trailing behind him like a little duckling, he remains focused on finding you. you disappeared without a trace and it was really starting to worry him.
"what's going on?" mc tugs on the back of his shirt, stopping him for a second. "what are you looking for?"
caleb doesn't seem to hear her.
"she was just here a minute ago. i know she was." he mutters to himself, roughly throwing open the door to the hallway bathroom.
he's panicking at this point. he even goes as far as to pull the shower curtains to the side and check in the closet.
"damn it," he huffs, his panic boiling into frustration.
he whips around and stumbles back out the door, ignoring anything he accidentally knocks over in the process. things are falling down left and right.
"caleb!" stepping in front of him, mc blocks his way with her arms stretched out on both sides. "seriously, what is going on with you!?" her voice echoes down the hallway. "you're acting weird!"
he pauses, staring down at her, his eyes dark and crazed.
"have you seen her?" his large hands grip onto both sides of mc's shoulders.
"who—" she hisses in pain. "who are you talking about?!"
she pushes him back, only managing to put some space between them after a few tries. she rubs her aching shoulders, eyeing him cautiously, her throat tight. "that hurt, you jerk…"
caleb takes a deep breath in and walks past her. she flinches when he gets close, but he doesn't notice at all. his focus is somewhere else.
"caleb! seriously, can you just—"
he turns his head and stares at her from over his shoulder. his figure is shadowed. he says nothing. not for a long, intense minute.
she hesitantly reaches out towards him. "caleb..?"
"you should leave." he says, eyes narrowed.
"what?" her shock quickly dives into something that burns in her throat. "i should leave?" she hisses, "you can't be serious."
"i'm worried about you, caleb. can't you see that?" she finally steps forward and grabs onto one of his hands. "i put aside our last fight just to see you. that's how much i care!"
"i'm fine." he stresses, tugging his hand away. he rubs it on the side of his pants.
"just go home, alright?" he nearly begs. his head is about to explode if she stays any longer. "i can't do this today."
"no." she stands firmly in place, putting her foot down once and for all. in his eyes, she resembles a child throwing a tantrum.
"i'm not leaving until you explain yourself, caleb."
one side of his mouth twitches. "explain myself?" his voice lowers, slow and gravelly. not in a playful or teasing way. it was darker. "what is there to explain?"
"nothing is wrong with me." the glow of his eyes fades into his bangs. he takes a deep breath in, still for just a second, then turns back around.
"leave." he demands in a voice no louder than a whisper.
mc sputters, calling his name out in a hurry. he barely even hears her. instead of continuing a pointless conversation, he returns to his search for you.
the guest room, storage closet, kitchen pantry. empty.
only minutes after mc stormed out of his home did you reappear.
he finds you standing in the living room, arms spread open in wait. as if you were the one waiting for him this entire time.
"i'm here," is all you say.
he gasps out your name and hurriedly makes his way back to you.
he hugs his arms around your waist, his grip loose and his body weak. he sinks to his knees and clings to you like a sinner begging god for forgiveness. luckily for him, you are gracious. you let him pray at your altar.
"caleb." you say his name as if he is someone to be treasured.
he gulps and hugs you tighter and tighter, nearly squeezing the life out of you.
thank goodness you're still here.
caleb swipes his tongue on his bottom lip, a drop of sweat trickling down the side of his face. the summer heat was no joke. paired with the constant cacophony of sounds in his ear, he was this close to losing his mind entirely, but he stubbornly holds on.
not yet, he thinks to himself, i gotta make it home. she's waiting for me.
pulling him from his thoughts, his pocket vibrates and he hears the faint sound of his ringtone drowning in the blend of noises. he pulls his phone out of his pocket and reads the contact name on the screen, grimacing slightly.
he takes a deep breath in.
"what's up, doc?" he asks once the call successfully connects. "if i remember correctly, my next appointment isn't until next week."
"that isn't why i am calling you today," zayne responds. "i'm concerned about you, caleb." he sounds a bit awkward on the other end.
zayne may not be as emotive as others, but he is just as caring and kind as he always has been. hearing him like this, it's easy to spot how concerned he actually is.
damn it.
"mc has been extremely worried about you lately. she said you haven't been contacting her at all." he hesitates before asking, "is everything okay?"
caleb's other hand, the one resting at his side, clenches into a fist. his stomach quickly fills with a vile mix of embarrassment and anger that only serves to increase the racket in his ears.
"everything's fine. seriously." he hisses through gritted teeth. "i'm fine."
"caleb—"
"i'm fine!" he repeats, raising his voice. it echoes around him and a few people nearby glance at over in concern. he shudders in disgust. the slimy feel of their gaze makes his skin crawl.
a beat of silence passes before zayne speaks up again. "it appears mc was right to be so concerned. this is very unlike you, caleb."
zayne asks after careful consideration, "have you been seeing your psychiatrist as i have advised—"
caleb abruptly ends the call, not wanting to hear any more from zayne. he's flushed a deep red from the neck up, his chest puffing in and out with each heavy breath he takes. his eyes swirling with a mix of defiance and frustration.
everyone seems to be really keen on bothering him as of late. mc, zayne, his fellow pilots at the aviation administration. they all expressed how worried they were without thinking about how it made him feel. how they belittled him with their constant concerns.
he's not a child. he doesn't need to be coddled like one.
the incident in the deepspace tunnel, a failure of a mission that nearly resulted in his death, was only one out of many more to come. he made it out alive and he plans to do so for every other mission that will soon follow.
why did everyone want to make such a big deal out of it?
why were you the only one that believed in him?
caleb whispers your name and something finally dawns upon him:
no one matters as long as he has you.
with newfound urgency, he hurries back home. he bumps into a few people without stopping to apologize. they don't matter. not the strangers on the streets, not the friendly neighborhood kids, not even mc. only you.
you are the only thing he needs.
he'll go home and hold you. you bring him peace. silence. the world will disappear around him and he will no longer know where he ends and you begin.
"baby—" he chokes on half a breath as he barrels into his home. the door slams open and shut, the framed photo on the entryway table falling from the sudden disturbance.
"i'm home…!" he announces through staggered breaths.
he picks the picture back up, momentarily caught on the image again. you and him. you're so cute, plays on repeat in his head.
"caleb! you're home early!" you exclaim, jumping into his arms. he catches you with practiced ease, his face brighter than the sun itself.
the picture frame falls onto the ground somewhere along the way. it shatters upon impact, but he doesn't register it. you are the only thing in his eyes.
"there you are…" he whimpers, "i'm so happy to see you." he peppers kisses over every inch of your face, the sweet sound of your laughter a healing balm to his weary ears. "i missed you so, so much. i couldn't wait to come home."
"why?" you ask between the gaps of your giggles. "what happened?"
"just the usual." his mouth squirms into a small pout.
he pulls back enough to get a clear view of your face, continuing, "the guys at work keep telling me to take a break. said somethin' about how i deserved it after my last mission." he grips onto your hips more.
"i might just go crazy if they keep this up," he grumbles, "i don't understand why they keep saying these things. i don't need to take a break."
he rambles on in a frenzied manner, "and mc— she actually showed up at the base today. i normally wouldn't mind a surprise visit, but she made a pretty big scene." his face crinkles, the events from earlier in the afternoon bringing in a fresh batch of irritation. "it got back to my superior and he sent me home early."
his grip grows tighter. he mutters a few more little things that bothered him today. a light joke from a colleague, "so even the aviation administration's pride and joy can fail sometimes, huh?" had him seeing red. he had to step away before he did something he would regret. it all accumulated into one huge mess in the end.
his anger returns tenfold just thinking about it.
"caleb…" you whisper his name. it's a faint call, but he hears it. he always hears you.
his eyes dart over your face, then shifts to his hands. his nails have dug into the flesh of your waist, nearly piercing you through the fabric of your clothes. any more than this and you'll pop like a balloon.
he immediately releases you.
"i'm sorry," he says so quickly he isn't even sure he said it at all. "i'm so sorry, baby. i didn't mean to hurt you." he steadies you on the flats of your feet, hands hovering a few inches away from your body. he's worried he might accidentally hurt you again.
you catch both of caleb's hands with a quiet chuckle. the way your fingers slot between his own reminds him of a lock. it clicks together just right.
"i'm okay." you smile, pulling him into the comfort of your gaze. "it doesn't hurt. i promise."
you give his hands a squeeze. "are you okay?"
that question has been haunting him lately.
surprisingly, what he hates hearing from others, he doesn't mind hearing it from you. concern sounds like heaven on your lips. anything is perfect in your voice. you could insult him and he would make sure to worship every syllable.
"i'm more than okay," he says with absolute sincerity. he carefully brings you in closer, showing off his biggest smile yet. "especially now that i'm here with you."
you match his bright expression, glowing so bright he feels purified. you're something straight out of a fairytale. every inch of you calms and soothes. he could stare at you forever.
"oh, you know what?" you suddenly perk up, remembering something important.
"hmm?"
"i did a little decorating!" you say, pride and excitement sewn into your words. he spots a playful sparkle in your eyes that he doesn't get to see that often.
"yeah?"
"yeah!" you beam, pulling him into the living room.
it's a bit of a mess.
a few of his coats are sloppily draped over the armrest of the couch, and there are unimportant papers scattered on the floor. nothing within the mess seems to stick out more than the airplane models on the coffee table. they're placed on both sides of a fruit bowl set in the middle. upon further inspection, all of them appear to be missing a few pieces here and there.
"ta-da!" you release him and gesture to the messy living room.
"how is it?" you exclaim, "look, look— this is the airplane we built together! and this is the super soft pillow from your room!"
he smiles. both in appreciation for your poor decorating skills and because you seem so proud of yourself.
he sits down on the couch, taking it all in.
"it's perfect, baby." he gestures for you to join him and you take his offer without hesitation.
"this model here is my favorite." caleb picks up the airplane you mentioned earlier.
you had helped him put it together a few weeks ago. your clumsy hands and overall inexperience made for an unforgettable memory. you were so cute. he still recalls that day with a fondness that burns deep in his chest. even if the airplane didn't turn out right, he still adores it because it contains traces of you.
the other models weren't nearly as important as the one you helped build. you could destroy them if you wanted to.
"you always fall asleep on the couch," you suddenly mention, squeezing the pillow between your hands. "that's why this is here."
he glances at the pillow propped up on your lap. "it's only 'cause you spend so much time in here," he chuckles.
your eyelashes flutter a little. he watches you turn to the nearby floor-to-ceiling windows.
"the view..." you trail off for a moment.
"i like looking outside at the sky," you admit, your cheeks flushed a gentle shade of red. "it reminds me of home."
glancing back at him, you whisper, "i bet it's super fun being up there in the clouds."
he lifts a hand up to your face, brushing a knuckle against your cheek. "it's not all fun and games," he murmurs distractedly. "it gets dangerous up there in the sky." he whispers, frowning, "it's even more dangerous in the deepspace tunnel."
"really?" your head tilts, curiosity twinkling in your eyes like broken pieces of starlight.
"there's a whole lotta wanderers, spatial anomalies, and unstable pools of energy in the deepspace tunnel," he says, "and that isn't the end of it."
"my last accident was pretty bad. i ended up with radiation exposure." after considering it for a few seconds, he begrudgingly adds, "again."
you giggle, "but we wouldn't have met if you didn't get into your last accident."
"that's… true." he slowly nods.
his eyes soften on you. despite all the annoying things that have popped up after his last mission, he was genuinely glad it happened. otherwise, he wouldn't have you. you are the only good thing to have come out of all of this.
caleb breaks free from his thoughts when his stomach grumbles. he realizes he hasn't eaten all day. he should probably get something in his stomach.
but he doesn't want to leave you.
luckily, there's a bowl of apples on the table. he reaches over the coffee table and grabs one from the pile, turning it in his hand, mindlessly inspecting it. he puts it back down to the side when he sees it visibly rotting.
all of the apples except for one have gone bad. picking up the only edible one, he lifts it to his mouth and goes in for a bite. only, he never bites into it. you're staring at the fruit too intently. your gaze is thick with hunger.
"here." he places the apple in the palm of your hand, speaking through an airy laugh, "you could've just asked for it, y'know."
your eyes curve and he loves to see it.
"thank you, caleb."
though you bring the apple up to your lips, you don't take a bite. instead, you kiss the red skin of the fruit, playful beats of laughter bouncing off of it.
"hey…" he carefully grabs you by the wrist, separating your lips from the apple with a soft tug.
it falls from your fingers and rolls off the couch. you glance down at it until he gently cups the side of your face and guides you to look at him.
"that kiss belongs to me." he mumbles, frowning.
he doesn't speak for a few seconds, too lost in the sight of you to continue. he finds home in your eyes and engraves the shape of them into his memory. a brief glance at your nose makes him want to bite it. not to mention your lips… god, your lips.
"what is it?" you tilt your head slightly, resting on his palm. as if to taunt him, you run your tongue between your lips, and a sweltering heat instantly flashes all over his body.
"baby…" hypnotized by every inch of you, he pulls you in by the waist, the hand on your cheek bringing you closer to his face. "you're so cute," he whispers in awe. "so cute 'n so pretty."
you're nothing but bundles of laughter as he presses sweet and adoring kisses from your chin up to your forehead. when he finally swoops back down to kiss you on the lips, he does it with more urgency— with the desperation of a starving man.
"mmh—" your faint hum gets lost in the intensity of his kisses.
he devours your lips, prying them open with a tongue so eager it leaves you breathless. he gathers the taste of you into his mouth, swallowing it down with a breathy groan.
his body grows taut, molded against your softness. he presses closer and closer, needing you more. needing you viscerally. his adam's apple bobs every time he drinks you in gulps. his lips glided against your own, slick and searing. the sensations are dizzying. addicting. he can't get enough. he doesn't want to get enough.
"you taste so good," he whispers into your mouth. "i could kiss you all day." similar sweet obscenities spill out of him in manic droves.
he wants to consume you until all of you is in him. that way, you will be his entirely.
"can't breathe…" he hears you mumble, your hands clutched tight around a small chunk of his shirt.
he pulls an inch away and stares at you, breathless and dazed. your mouth is glossy with a mix of your saliva and his. unable to help himself, he licks a line across your bottom lip one last time, then slowly settles back into reality.
"s'pretty…" he thumbs the faint flush of your cheek.
"i wanna kiss you to death." he says, half-serious and half-begging.
there's a brief pause. a second of contemplation that snaps under the weight of his desires. he can't control himself at all. the second you finally manage to catch your breath, he dives back down to take more bites out of you.
"you—" you gasp in the tiny space between kisses. "you just might."
caleb doesn't respond. you aren't sure he can even hear you. he is far too focused on swallowing every drop of salvation that drips from your tongue.
"…remember when we got back home? gran was furious!" your eyes crinkle from the smile stretched across your face.
"i remember." caleb nods, focused more on you than your words, but he's still listening.
"she wasn't as mad as that one time we let the neighbors dog into the house. what was its name again? fluffy? cloud? ice cream?"
he answers, finally falling into the conversation, "his name was snowy but you called him fluffy instead."
"he was all muddy and we wanted to give him a bath," he recalls. "but then he got too excited and ended up draggin' mud all over the place."
"we had to clean up all that mud… it took us hours!" you lean into his side, fitted against him like a puzzle piece.
"gran made us lemonade after that, didn't she?" your eyes sparkle. "it tasted extra good after cleaning up fluffy's mess."
"you liked it that much?" he sits up a little. "i can make some for you right now—"
the sound of his doorbell ringing sharply cuts him off.
it rings loudly. persistently. before long, the door is being knocked on with loud thuds that remind him of his headaches.
"caleb! i know you're home!" mc shouts from outside, her voice only slightly muffled.
his soft expression sinks into something darker. he sighs, his chest bubbling with rising anger.
"baby." he pets you on your head. "wait right here for me, okay?"
"okay." you agree too easily, a hint of apprehension glimmering deep in your eyes. he opens his mouth to comfort you, to assure you that he won't be gone for long, but another ring of the doorbell cuts him off short.
he frowns. "wait for me." he gives you one last glance before stomping over to the door.
yanking the door open, he glares at his visitor.
"mc." he looms over her, staring down at the young woman without bending his neck. his eyes are muddled, shrowded with anger he has never once directed towards her.
"caleb, i—" she clears her throat, shifting awkwardly on the heels of her shoes. "i've been trying to get in contact with you for days," she says after finally finding the courage to speak.
her voice quivers, struggling to stand firm under his intensity. "when i checked with the aviation administration, i was told you haven't been showing up to work and had been put on suspension."
"please, caleb, can you tell me what's going on?" she begs, worry overtaking her fear.
his hands clench at his side. "how many times do i have to keep repeating myself?" he takes one step closer to her, speaking a little louder than he intended, "nothing is going on. why won't you listen to me?"
an arm, pale and scarred, cuts between him and mc. he turns his head and realizes zayne had accompanied her today. it's two against one.
great.
"this is completely out of character for you, caleb." zayne speaks calmly, a hint of caution hidden in his words. "since when were you one to raise your voice like this? especially at mc?"
caleb snaps. "since she has been constantly trying to get me to act normal!"
"she wants me to stop living my own life so i can go back to catering to her every need— can't you see that, zayne?" he gestures to her, his tone dripping with something that teetered between frustration and resentment. "she can ditch me for her boyfriend whenever she wants, but the moment i prioritize someone else over her, that's when there's a problem."
"that's not..!" mc's face flushes a dark red. "that's not what this is about!" she yells back, glaring at him with wet eyes.
"then what is it about?" he tries another step towards her, but zayne keeps them apart. "i would really like to know."
without answering him, she slips past zayne's arm and barges into caleb's house.
"what are you doing?" he asks, his voice booming as he chases after her.
mc walks into the living room. "where is she?" she asks, looking every which way. "where is the woman you've been spending so much time with?"
"what?" he sputters. "what does she have to do with any of this?" his heart thumps madly.
where did you go?
you're nowhere in sight. again. hiding, he assumes— but why? why do you always feel the need to hide as if you are someone he is supposed be ashamed of.
his head hurts and the noise has returned.
"who i spend time with is none of your business, mc." he tells her.
she shakes her head angrily. "it is my business!" she huffs, turning back around. "staying locked up inside your house with a random woman all the time isn't healthy, caleb." her voice reeks of contempt held for a person she will never meet.
she points at him. "you're destroying yourself."
"just look at you." her eyes flit across his body. "have you even been eating? or sleeping?"
coming down from his sudden bout of rage, he's left with a hollowed-out chest.
he lacks the energy to push her away. there's something heavy on his shoulders that prevents him from doing anything. that nameless thing might be the manifestation of shame and realization. additionally, he sees a piece of you in mc. he can't possibly push her away when faced with that glimpse of you.
"caleb…" zayne rests his hand on caleb's closest shoulder, his voice laced with something neither of them could name.
"there aren't any signs of another person in this house." he sounds equally concerned and horrified. "who exactly is mc talking about?"
caleb doesn't answer.
"huh?" mc blinks. "that can't be right. he's always talking about her. he usually says he can't go out and leave her home alone and stuff…"
she glances around mindlessly. "she's probably around here somewhere." she says, walking off to do her own search.
the room he gave her is completely untouched. it's dusty, but everything was right where she left it. it was pretty much the same when she checked his room. upon closer inspection, she noticed that his room hadn't been slept in for a while. he's been sleeping in the living room, obviously, but she finds it odd that he prefers the couch over his huge bed.
she checks the guest room next and finds no one. everywhere else, empty. her search ends up fruitless.
"what the heck?" she returns to caleb and zayne. "caleb… where is she?"
sitting on the couch with his head hung low, he mutters something they miss.
"huh?" mc approaches him. "what was that?"
"get out." he almost growls.
his eyes lift up off the floor, overgrown bangs casting a shadow over half of his face. the glow of his eyes are startlingly similar to a monster's gaze from the shadows.
in that nothingness, the silence that suspends time, caleb continues to stare. his jaw is clenched tight and a vein bulges on his neck. his body quivers as if every muscle is being stretched tight. as if he is holding something back while also being on the verge of self-destructing.
faced with this sight, an unfamiliar sense of fear ties a knot around mc's throat. scared doesn't even begin to describe what she's feeling right now. that dark, dangerous look is one she has never seen from him. she's more than scared. she's terrified.
"caleb—"
zayne carefully pulls mc back, holding her out of the range of danger.
"we'll leave." he says in a hurry, all sorts of alarms going off in his head.
there's a tense moment of silence. seconds where he gauges caleb's reaction, bracing himself for impact.
when it's apparent caleb isn't going to make any moves, he quickly says, "we will come back soon."
"i can't say for certain i understand what it is you're going through, but it's obvious to both mc and i that this is worse than we thought." his voice is a heavy hum of concern, "we cannot allow you to handle yourself alone."
caleb hangs his head again. whether it's in defeat or simply because he's ignoring the words being said, no one seems to know. not even himself.
regardless, zayne acknowledges that this is today's limit. caleb had fallen into something too deep and too complex. pulling him out of it will take many more attempts. they have to leave for now to try again tomorrow.
caleb is grateful to have a friend as smart as zayne. mc likes to push him a lot. she pushes and pushes and pushes— just to the point where he's about to snap. today was the closest he's gotten to the point of no return. he isn't sure what would have happened if zayne was not here to step in.
"caleb." he hears you say his name right behind him, reappearing once zayne and mc have left.
his body tingles as you rest yourself on his back. your non-existent warmth melts into him. he doesn't hear the nonsensical orchestra in his ears. all he hears is you.
your arms wrap around his neck and you sigh loudly.
"they keep trying to take you away from me…" he can hear the pout in your voice while you talk. "i won't let them."
"i won't let them take you away from me," you repeat with even greater determination, words twisted around a scowl. "i won't, i won't, i won't, i won't..."
"you belong to me."
he feels your lips part on the skin of his neck. he shivers in anticipation.
"you need me." your teeth sink into his flesh and he hisses at the sensation. it sends a dull ache all across his body. "and i need you."
every word you speak carries finality, a decision pre-written in the stars.
muffled by the kiss you press to the fresh mark on his neck, you mumble, "you're mine, caleb." your arms squeeze tight around his neck, holding him close and suffocating him.
he closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath, lulled by the scent of you around him. his swollen heart thumps loudly. the quietness you bring about is addicting. your existence is the only prescription that works, that soothes.
but more than what you bring to him, it is what he feels for you that matters the most. he adores you more than the quiet, more than his friends, and more than life itself.
"i'm yours," he quietly affirms, letting himself relax into the inescapable web you've woven around him.
he repeats, this time heavier, "i'm yours."
your eyes glide over caleb's sleeping figure, counting each time his chest rises and falls. you had lost count a few times and had to start over. one, two, three, four…
you hear him groan in the back of his throat, the sound caught behind quivering lips. his eyebrows twitch, pain strewn across his face, contorting his features. his sleep is restless.
his eyelashes flutter, slow in their rise, revealing those deep purples you always crave to see. sleep clings to his gaze and he only faintly makes you out through the haze of it.
"hmm…" he speaks through heavy lips, "why are you awake..?"
you don't answer his question. not yet. you kiss him on his sunken cheek. "you're having nightmares again, aren't you?"
"yeah." he hums, his eyes flickering. he can only recall brief fragments of his chaotic dream. none of it made any sense, but his heart continued pounding anyways.
"i wish i could take it all away from you." you whisper, your words tickling the side of his face.
he chuckles, "you don't need to do that for me."
your eyes connect again. he seems more present, more in the moment. a smile had long replaced the downwards curl of his mouth. he felt so content with you. beside you. he swears he can feel your non-existent warmth.
"go back to sleep," you urge him, sliding your hand onto his chest. you rub circles on him, right where his heart lies.
"i'm… not sleepy…" he says in a last ditch effort to prolong his time with you. he wards off sleep with rapid blinks, staring at you because he can't get enough.
you're smiling, as always. he's caught on the sight of you, tired but unwilling to leave. he glances down at your hand when your fingers bump into something beneath his shirt. curiously, you trace the hidden pendant of his necklace that wraps around his neck like a collar.
your hand slips under his shirt and you gingerly pull out his silver necklace. it is simplistic but memorable. an apple pendant with a dog tag. the one mc gave him years ago.
beneath the metal charm is his heart. it's beating so softly.
you could very easily wrap your hand around his heart and crush it to bits and pieces. he would let you. his life is a meal served on a silver platter by none other but caleb himself.
he would give you anything you ever wanted. however, it's obvious that isn't what you want. you didn't want his selfless sacrifices. the love he poured into you was given to him in the same amount. you are everything to him and he is scared to lose you.
he swallows. his heart may be racing, but his mind has grown unusually numb. it's hard for him to think.
"sleep," you say again, bringing the metal necklace to your lips, kissing it gently. he used to kiss the necklace the same exact way before missions.
encouraged by your gentle push, he loses control of his eyelids. a pitch black darkness blankets his vision and, in that void, he feels something slipping away. he isn't able to properly make out what it is. he falls asleep too quickly to question it.
the next morning, it's quiet. the constant hissing, humming, and pops are no longer there. it was gone.
you were gone.
instinctively, he knows you aren't just hiding this time.
you won't be coming back to him.
he isn't used to hearing the normal sounds of life. everything is too loud, too crisp, too sweet. he isn't used to it, but the lively chatter of the cafe isn't too bad. he missed it.
sitting across from him is mc. the sun pours into her side from the window just to her right, obscuring some of her features enough to remind him of you.
he misses you.
"you've been looking so much better lately," mc beams.
caleb blinks, clearing his eyes of the vision of you in her place.
"yeah." he responds with a slight smile. "it was about time," he says. "i can't just waste away at home."
"i'm so glad," she whispers, grinning through her words. "you don't know how happy i am to have you back, caleb."
a beat of silence passes through them. it's neither tense nor awkward. just there.
"how are things at work?" she asks, blinking at him curiously. she takes a bite of her cake while waiting for his response.
"oh, it's goin' well." he hums, thinking back on his recent missions. "i'm still being monitored. i'm seeing so many doctors i've lost track," he explains. "kinda exhaustin' if you ask me."
"it sure sounds like it, but you're doing amazing— i promise!" mc assures him, clapping her hands together in celebration. he found it a bit silly, but he appreciates her enthusiasm nonetheless.
"i am so proud of you." her eyes twinkle in a way that is similar to how yours would. he smiles a little too affectionately because of it.
"i'm proud of you too, pipsqueak." he sincerely responds.
he will forever be proud of who she has become and who she will be in the future.
with or without him.
they part ways shortly after that. mc had him promise to pay for next week's dinner. zayne will be there, she had told him. he agreed only after making a joke about it. truthfully, he's looking forward to spending time with them. it's better being with his friends than being alone.
he returns home a few hours later. as expected, you aren't there to greet him.
he knew that would be the case, but it still stings. your absence has carved the comfort out of his home.
"i'm back," he says upon walking into the empty apartment. despite knowing he will never recieve a response, it feels wrong to break the habit.
caleb soon sits himself down on his living room couch. he was forced to cleaned up a few weeks ago under zayne and mc's strict supervision. the papers were sorted out and the airplane models were properly put back together. he had even rebuilt the model you had helped him with, erasing all traces of you entirely.
you barely exist these days.
some days, he doubted you ever existed at all. he dissected every memory of you and pieced together your identity to his best ability. bit by tiny bit, he molded you back into your shape.
then, he would tear you apart. every second that he spent on you made him sick to his stomach. he cursed your name. he cried for you. he longed for you.
eventually, a full year had gone by.
he passed his last few evaluations with flying colors. zayne cleared him too. everything was finally starting to look up for him and his loved ones have been so relieved to see him getting back on track. he made sure to assure them that he will continue working hard. this is only the beginning.
soon enough, the aviation administration started giving him more difficult missions. his trips through the deepspace tunnel slowly became more and more frequent. in those stagnant moments filled with nothing but robotic beeps and the humming of his aircraft's engine, he often finds himself searching for you.
it became a hidden hobby.
his longing usually tricked him into seeing you in the clouds or in the lifeless dead stars. there have been a handful of times when his heart dropped in anticipation, only to return to its steady rhythm when he realized that— no, that wanderer is most definitely not her.
no one knows about his little game but him.
though, that isn't to say others haven't noticed hints of his odd behavior.
"if you aren't in the sky, then you're always looking up at it." one of his friends had commented. asking shortly after, "don't you ever get tired of it, man?"
"are you seriously accepting another deepspace tunnel mission?" someone else, this time a colleague, questioned him. he stared at him with a careful expression. "what's up there that keeps pulling you back in?"
everyone masked their worries behind the facade of a joke, poking at a sore spot they could never possibly understand. he didn't mind because he finally learned that their concerns came from a good place. well, he tolerated it to a certain extent, but he could never fully get used to how mc and zayne subtly tried to pry him open.
they never did figure out who or what you were to him.
he enjoyed keeping you a secret. keeping you from the world made you his alone.
he just has to find you again.
"it's rare that you are the one to invite me to dinner." zayne says after getting settled into the seat across from caleb.
"right?" mc giggles, nudging caleb with an elbow. "isn't caleb just so sweet and thoughtful?"
caleb chuckles, "i dunno why it's such a big deal." he shrugs, lazily grinning. "i just thought it would be a nice change of pace."
"it's nice seeing you take initiative." zayne wears a soft smile of his own. the atmosphere around their group of three is the calmest it has ever been.
they all seem to appreciate the peace in their own way.
mc is all smiles, glowing in that lively way of hers. she is radiant. and while zayne isn't one for wearing his heart on his sleeve, his joy doesn't escape caleb. zayne has layers of frost removed from his exterior, defrosted thanks to the contentment that they've found themselves in.
caleb adores seeing them this way. he enjoys how normal everything is. the three of them have successfully overcame an intense obstacle in their lives together, as one unit.
he will forever be grateful for them.
"my next mission won't be long," he informs them while they wait on dessert. "it should only be a few days at most."
"you're really getting back into your old routine, huh?" mc leans into the palm of her hand, sighing dramatically, "i guess no one can keep you from the skies for long."
he chuckles, wholly endeared. "what's caleb without the sky, am i right?"
"it should be the other way around," zayne speaks up, words hooked on a subtle smile. "what would the sky be without you, caleb?" he chuckles.
his heart warms.
even more so when mc chimes in with, "a sunless sky!" she jokes, "we would be living in a dark and scary world without the sun!"
his lips quirk into an amused smile. he laughs alongside his precious friends, temporarily forgetting about you. it makes him happier that way.
caleb stares mindlessly at the endless buttons on his control panel. the beeps stopped a while ago and all that remains is the fading whirring of a failing engine.
taking in a deep breath, he turns his attention to the inky, star-speckled void outside the aircraft's windows. his heart races and his thoughts swirl.
this is it.
he has finally reached the end of the road. his instincts were right. every path led right back to you.
what a relief.
he can feel his skin stick to his flight suit. he's sweating profusely. it feels as if he had finished playing countless rounds of basketball with his buddies. only, he's sweating way too much and it's getting harder to breathe.
he should hold out until the end. you're just within sight. he can feel it.
before he meets you in that little world made for two, he wants to see you one last time. he has forgotten most of your features.
one last time, he begs. i want to see her.
your name is a prayer on repeat, faint and airy, bumbling past heavy lips. the muscles of his body have unclenched and, slowly, he feels his control slip. gravity, time, energy— the outside forces pull him down without wasting any time at all.
in that split second, however, he feels it. he feels you. your existence pours into his head and burns into his blood.
"caleb," he hears you whisper, your voice finding its way into his ears, settling in his heart.
through the thin gaps between his almost-closed eyelids, he finally sees you. every bit of you is better than the disconnected pieces he was left with. you are beautiful. otherworldly.
you have returned to him.
"i missed you." he breathlessly says, his voice broken and raw. "i've been looking for you this entire time." he babbles. every word spoken is twisted and nearly incoherent.
vaguely, he hears muffled tearing sounds.
"i know," you whisper, a cooling brush of air on the moist skin of his cheek. "i was waiting for you."
his eyelids droop. "i missed you," he repeats in a strained voice.
"i missed you too." you say as his vision begins to escape him.
his heart thumps a few times more, fast and stuttered, still reacting to you despite everything. you keep him going even when his body is shutting down.
"i love you." you say for the first and last time.
your sweet love confession brought his lips into a big smile. it was the best possible way he could've gone.
after years of being there for everyone else but himself, he welcomes the much needed release of death with you cradled in his arms.
it wasn't dramatic. there was no valiant last ditch effort to fight for his life, no explosion, no regrets. it was only silence and you.
tags: fluff, established relationship, biting
word count: 1.1k
summary: seeing caleb in that one sleeveless shirt of his has you foaming at the mouth. you just have to bite him.
for someone that has known caleb for as long as you have, the sight of him shouldn't have you as breathless as you are. and yet, your reaction is involuntary, instinctual— because why does he look so good?
the caleb in front of you is currently wearing a pretty casual outfit. too casual, you think. baggy jeans with chains dangling from his hip and a white shirt tucked into his pants. sleeveless. the shirt is sleeveless and his arms are on full display.
you inhale sharply. “what the heck?"
"huh? what's wrong?" caleb blinks down at you, eyebrows raised high onto his forehead. his lips are pressed deep into his cheeks with worry, not quite a frown just yet.
you clear your throat, feeling a little bad for worrying him.
"nothing," you hurriedly say, "nothing's wrong at all."
"yeah, because that sounds suuuper convincing." he snorts. reaching down, he scoops one of your hands into his own.
"spit it out, pipsqueak." he jokes, "or do i have to tickle it outta you?"
"ugh, don't you dare." you glare at him.
you then sigh, "nothing's wrong. seriously."
your eyes flit over his biceps, pausing when an odd mark catches your eye. using your free hand, you ghost the tips of your fingers over the red mark on his upper arm. the skin is tender and slightly swollen. it's an odd sensation beneath your fingertips.
"what's this?" you glance up at him, noting the way he shivers under your fingers.
"don't play dumb," he chuckles. "you weren't exactly shy when you left that there, y'know."
"oh." you blink, recalling the events from last night. "ohhh."
yesterday, you and caleb had spent the entire day and night watching movies. you two had eventually gotten a little bored and ended up play fighting before you eventually tired yourselves out. you had forgotten that, somewhere between the endless tickles and pinches, you bit him. hard. he laughed it off and you were convinced that it wasn't a big deal, but looking at the mark now…
"so i did this." you sound pretty proud of yourself.
he laughs, "you sure did. it hurt like hell, y'know."
"then i won't do it again." you look up at him when you say this, wanting to gauge his reaction.
the corner of his eyes twitch and something flashes in his eyes. it's a blend of emotions you can't quite name. you can only guess that he doesn't like the idea at all.
"mm. c'mon. don't say that." he murmurs, lips squished into a small pout. “i don’t hate it…”
his response makes you giggle. "that's what i thought."
shifting the hand held against his palm, you manage to slot your fingers between his. before he could ask any questions, you drag him out of the cafe. the early evening air hits you in the face, a cold sting to your warmed cheeks.
"pipsqueak?" he stumbles behind you. "maybe you should slow down—"
you interrupt him by pushing him into some random alleyway, backing him against the wall. he grunts a little, but not once do you hear a complaint leave his lips. his eyes are on you like a timid puppy, reflecting the faint glow of nearby lights and your own face.
"hey," caleb whispers. he shifts awkwardly on the wall. "what's going on?" he murmurs, "you've been actin' weird since earlier…"
"i'm not weird." you huff, eyes darting all over the place. his face, his neck, his arms…
"then what's all this about?" caleb cups you by the cheek and you unconsciously lean into his touch, taking in his warmth like it belongs to you.
"it's not every day you drag me into some smelly alleyway." he cocks his head, his messy hair swaying slightly, revealing the briefest glimpse of his forehead.
"what's the special occasion, hmm?"
you take in a deep breath to calm yourself, but it doesn't exactly work in your favor. all you get is the scent of caleb. a rich mix of the detergent you love and something earthy with a hint of lemon.
"am i gonna get an answer anytime soon or..?"
"caleb." his name is on your lips, muffled against the callouses ingrained into his palm.
he breathlessly whispers, "yes..?"
"shut up."
he huffs out a laugh, his face slowing into a playfully serious expression. "you got it, colonel pipsqueak."
you roll your eyes. he's always quick to kill the mood, always too silly for his own good, but that's okay. it isn't hard to fall back into it.
following a passing heartbeat, you hold his hand between both of your own, tugging him closer. the ghost of your lips trail down his wrist, slow and steady. just outside the crook of his elbow, you nibble on his skin.
his shoulders tense up, the flesh under your soft lips quivering. good.
he exhales shakily. "hey… what are you doin' to me right now..?"
you're too far gone to hear him. you nuzzle against the swell of his bicep, lost in how alive he feels. he's a little tense and you can hear his thumping heart from how close you are to his chest.
he shouldn't be allow to go out with arms like this. only you should be allowed to see them. only you get to mark his skin.
"wait—" caleb gasps, eyes wide as you circle your lips around his skin. "ow..!" he hisses the moment your teeth sinks into him.
his heart races as you exert more pressure, maintaining just enough control so you don't break through the skin. the pain fades away as he fixates on the feel of your lips, your teeth, and the slightest brush of your tongue.
he swallows, staring at how you loosen your grip and pull your mouth back, a silver string of saliva bridging from one of your canines to his skin.
you grin, appearing very proud of your work.
those imprints should last a few hours.
"what was that for..?" he asks in an airy tone of voice.
"i dunno." you kiss the bite mark one last time. "i just felt like it," you say, looking up at him with an all-too-satisfied expression.
he takes a deep breath in, shaking his head side to side, smiling helplessly. "you really are somethin' else."
giggling, you lean in close once more, already knowing where you'll bite next.
just before you could, he stops you, covering your mouth with his hand.
"nuh-uh." his grip slips and he instead holds your face between his fingers and thumb. "not here, baby." he says, squeezing your cheeks.
he leans past your face, his breath hot against your ear. "save the rest for when we get home, m'kay?"
you wordlessly nod, somewhat in a daze.
he chuckles, "there’s my good little pipsqueak," and presses a fleeting kiss to your cheek before pulling away. "let's go home now."
tags: angst, unrequited love, moving on, new friendships, heavily implied zayne x reader, caleb being kinda clingy + weird + stalkerish
word count: 12.8k
summary: mc introduces you to an old friend from her childhood named zayne and getting to know him has helped you remember that there is more to life than your love for caleb.
notes: part two of oranges
"there you are." caleb chuckles as you approach him at his car. he meets you halfway, pulling you into a firm hug.
"thanks again for agreeing to join me today," he says, grinning through his words.
you wrap your arms around him and pat him on the back, melting against the warmth of his body. in the back of your head, a sly and greedy voice whispers for you to make yourself home in his embrace — to claim his comfort as your own. it's a tempting thought, but you know better than to let the idea linger for long.
"i'm always happy to help you, 'lebs." smiling, you pull away, masking your reluctance with curved eyes and a playful tone. "we're lucky mc even agreed to let me tag along."
he laughs, "of course she'd want you to be there. you're her best friend— after me, of course."
you roll your eyes, prompting him to laugh a bit more.
"c'mon." he opens the passenger door, waiting on you with bright eyes.
you crawl into his car with a grateful nod and he closes the door once you're buckled in. he slides into the driver's seat himself a few seconds later.
his car still has that new smell to it, lemon-scented disinfectant and something faintly vanilla. it reminds you of a guest room. with you in the seat mc has long claimed, you have always felt out of place. especially when you see hints of her all over the car. such as her cute fruit-themed hair clips attached to the sun visor, or the plush neck pillow wrapped around the headrest of the seat.
it doesn't bother you as much as it once did.
at least, that's what you tell yourself all the time. that you're content with where you stand in his life. honestly, you can't picture a relationship with caleb anyways. it's too far-fetched of an idea. you've grown just as complacent as you are cowardly, and that is okay with you.
"i don't even know who she wants me to meet today," caleb says as he pulls the car out onto the road. he has an awkward smile stretched across his face. "but she seemed super excited about it on the phone."
"you don't seem too excited about it though," you point out, staring at his side profile. he's so pretty.
he pauses for a moment, then sighs, "you're right."
"i'm not looking forward to it at all," he grumbles, hands tightening on the steering wheel. "i mean, i'm glad she's introducing me to her friends, but at the same time…" he groans, frustrated with his inability to articulate his emotions. "i dunno."
you nod slowly. "riiight."
"well…" you take a second to gather your thoughts. "at least you're giving it a shot?"
he snorts. "yeah, yeah."
"seriously." you catch the corner of his eye.
at a red light, he angles his face to look at you.
"you and i both know she appreciates you just being there for her." you assure him.
he hears you— he does. you're one of the few people he actually listens to.
"you're right." he flashes you a grin and his shoulders finally rest comfortably. "thanks."
"i've got you." you match his expression, happy to be of any help at all.
the gentle beat of his laughter fills into the car, warming up the atmosphere even more. he says a lame joke at one point that has you curled over from how bad it was. the rest of the ride goes smoothly thanks to you.
eventually, caleb parks the car at some really nice looking cafe. he should probably compose himself before going in, but he doesn't even get a chance. he spots mc at one of the outdoor tables, seated with someone very familiar.
"no way." leaving you in the dust of confusion, he rushes out of the car.
his suddenness influences you into a hurry, frazzled as you chase after him.
"caleb, wait—"
"caleb!" mc exclaims, cheerful and bubbly. her shout drowns out your voice.
she waves for him to come over. "hurry! you won't believe who just moved back to linkon!"
caleb approaches their table and you stumble over behind him.
"what the…" he stares at the man across from mc, eyebrows raised high onto his forehead. "zayne? is that really you?"
zayne pushes out of his seat and stands in front of caleb.
"it's nice to see you again, caleb." he holds out his hand with a calm and collected expression, though there's a mirthful glint in his eyes. he was probably in on this surprise.
"sure…" caleb frowns, shaking his hand like an unwilling child.
"glad to have you back, man." his words sound a bit strained, but no one comments on it.
zayne's gaze soon transfers over to you, his hand now held in your direction. "and you must be..?"
you give him your name, introducing yourself with a polite smile. you then shake his hand with faintly concealed familiarity. you know a lot about him from mc.
"it's nice to finally meet you, zayne." his name is foreign on your tongue.
"likewise." his hand is firm and lukewarm.
it was difficult to spot, but you swear you saw a flash of recognition in his hazel eyes.
"mc has spoken about you in great detail." he's staring at you very closely. you get the sense he's trying to commit you to memory. "i look forward to getting to know you." although a bit stiff, he doesn't seem to be lying.
suddenly, mc cuts between you and zayne for a hug. she wraps her arms tight around you.
"i'm so glad you could make it!" she squeals.
she rubs her cheek against the side of your face, a gesture that reminds you of a very clingy cat. it brings your lips into a big smile, eyes sparkling with the same amount of affection for her as she holds for you.
"thank you for letting me tag along."
your eyes flit over her appearance.
"you look so pretty today, mc." you coo, fixing a strand of hair out of her face. your eyes are warm and honey-sweet.
"really?" she grins. "but i think you're prettier!" she giggles, a compliment that brings you great confidence.
"girls, girls." caleb presses the palms of his hands on both of your heads, patting twice. "you're both pretty," he chuckles.
"can we sit down now?"
"oh, right— yeah!" looping her arm around yours, mc walks you to her side of the table. she sits you down, fixes her skirt, then sits down herself. you don't miss how she subconsciously scoots her chair closer to yours.
she raises an eyebrow at the two men still standing. "what are you guys waiting for?" she grins. "sit, please!"
caleb easily obliges and zayne follows behind. it doesn't take seeing eyes to notice the tension in the air. it's stifling. you can hardly breathe through the tense atmosphere.
"umm…" you glance between caleb and zayne.
noticing this, mc snickers. "don't mind them. caleb's just pouting because we surprised him."
"i am not." caleb slumps in his seat, frowning. his eyebrows are nearly knitted together into one line.
"i just can't believe this guy is actually moving back to linkon." he points at zayne using his thumb. "he never once visited after he moved."
zayne blinks his eyes a few times, adjusting the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. "i do find that regrettable, but i can assure you that we'll have plenty of opportunities to make up for lost time."
abruptly sitting up, caleb snaps his head towards zayne. "are you nuts?" he sputters. "why on earth would i wanna spend any time with you?"
his cartoonish behavior tickles you. in an attempt to restrain your giggles, you press your hand against your quivering lips.
"caleb, be nice." mc sighs. "i know you're secretly happy that zayne's back."
"i'm really not, though?!"
your laughter finally spills out of you, muffled against your palm before you move it away.
"hey." caleb looks at you with narrowed eyes. "what are you laughin' at over there?"
your hand falls to your lap, cheeks hurting from your wide smile.
"isn't it obvious?" your answer is hidden within a single glance.
"laughing at me is not nice." he huffs, unable to hold back a smile of his own.
mc giggles beside you. "he always acts this way with zayne," she says, nostalgia sprinkled in her eyes like stars in the night sky. "you don't know how many times he would start fights for absolutely no reason."
"it's true," zayne confirms before caleb can even defend himself. "i always found it quite concerning." he stares at caleb, the boy from his childhood overlapping with the man seated next to him.
caleb crosses his arms, grunting, "quit lookin' at me like i'm some sort of lab rat."
"that isn't the case at all." zayne chuckles, airy and low. "i'm simply surprised by how little you've changed, caleb."
"what is that supposed to mean?" he glares at the other man.
you heard mc exhale quietly. "both of them are still the same," she quietly says, making sure only you can her. you don't understand, but you give her hand a squeeze in acknowledgment.
mc joins in the middle of their bickering, bringing up stories of three children playing tag at the park, or catching fireflies in the backyard. something warmer and delicate washes over them in that moment. cherished memories pull the three into a loving embrace, sparking laughter from both caleb to zayne. the sound is a mixture so unique and pleasant in your ears.
it's such a lovely sight. sure, you might feel like an intruder, someone on the outside looking in, but you can't deny how peaceful they appear.
and as your eyes linger on caleb, you begin to realize that you have never seen him look this free before. you wonder if he smiled this way when he was a child.
a hum of a chuckle catches your attention and your focus shifts towards zayne. his thin lips are subtly lifted upwards in the corners, eyelashes fluttering, framing forest-green eyes that are heavy with emotions you know very well— a devotion so pure and unwavering.
following his line of sight, your gaze lands on mc.
of course.
you aren't surprised in the slightest. your friend is as radiant and endless as the sun. as envious of her as you are, you aren't immune to her charm. his fascination is completely understandable.
so, when your eyes fall back onto zayne, they're softer. knowing.
unexpectedly, his eyes meet yours.
you blink at the connection, your cheeks flushing a deep red. embarrassed to have been caught staring, you offer him a small and apologetic smile.
it takes him a moment, but he nods in understanding.
zayne soon speaks up, "i hope we're not making you uncomfortable." he carries an apology through his words, unspoken, but present.
"not at all," you respond quickly, shaking your head side to side. "i'm just happy to be here. especially since i got to meet you."
zayne pokes at the last piece of his cake before lifting his gaze back up. "me?"
"yes, you." you nod. "mc told me a lot about you— like how you're an accomplished doctor when you're not even in your thirties." awe clings to your words as you speak. to you, meeting zayne was similar to meeting a local celebrity. that is how impressive mc made him out to be.
he clears his throat, blinking until his eyes are away from you. "i firmly believe that age has little to do with one's capabilities."
"that's funny coming from a genius." mc butts in.
his eyes widen. "a genius?" he frowns, glancing at mc who has been staring at the two of you for a while now.
she giggles, holding up her hands. "i know you hate that word, but it's true!"
"he got into med school when he was fourteen years old." she tugs on the sleeve of your shirt, excited about his accomplishments as if they were her own. "can you believe that?!"
"fifteen," zayne corrects her.
you clap your hands together and mc is quick to join in, successfully creating a two-person audience.
"you're awesome, dr. zayne! " you beam with sincerity and a hint of playfulness
mc repeats, "you're awesome!" like a faithful minion of mischief.
the obvious teasing makes zayne groan. his ears are tinged red with embarrassment.
he glances at caleb for help only to be met with a lazy shrug.
caleb laughs, a sly smile dominating his lips, "you're on your own, man."
"you're of no help at all." zayne mumbles.
he then pushes out of his seat, wanting to escape, even for a few minutes.
"i'm going to order myself another cake," he announces.
"we'll let you off easy this time, dr. zayne."
"thank you."
you stand up as well.
"can i come with you?" you carefully ask.
you were teasing him just a minute ago, but you hope he can look past it. you aren't sure you'll survive being left alone with mc and caleb.
"i want to get something to drink."
"i can buy it for…" the rest of zayne's sentence dies on his tongue. there's something in your eyes that wills away his offer to buy it for you.
"you may." he says after a heartbeat of thought.
he clears his throat, somewhat startled by his unconscious response.
"let's go together."
you flash him a thankful smile and step away from your seat.
glancing back, you catch mc's hopeful look. "do you want me to get you something?"
"yes!" delighted you ask, she grins at you. "could you please get me a slice of apple pie?"
"of course i can." you pet her on the top of her head, careful not to mess up her hair. caleb already did that earlier.
"what about me?" speak of the devil.
"aren't you gonna ask me what i want?" caleb grins at you.
he has an elbow propped up on the table, his chin resting on the palm of his hand. his face is relaxed and full of unspoken expectations. he appears confident you'll get him whatever he wants. clearly, you've spoiled him way too much.
"no way." you stick your tongue out at him. "i'm not getting you anything."
"hey!" he shrieks. "that's not fair!"
you laugh into your fist, ignoring him as you and zayne depart from the table.
when you two get inside, zayne stalls in front of the display of desserts, a contemplative frown pressed deep onto his face. he's taking his options very seriously, it seems. he reminds you of a child at a toy store… or caleb at the lego store.
"can i get you anything?" the employee behind the counter asks, pulling your attention away from zayne.
you nod at her, smiling as you order your favorite drink.
"could i also get a slice of apple pie and a glass of lemonade?"
"absolutely!" she takes your name and quickly gets to work.
"lemonade?" zayne questions.
you refuse eye contact. "yeah. lemonade."
"i wonder why you would need two drinks." he steps closer to you. the teasing lilt in his voice makes your face hot.
"i'm not allowed to have two drinks?"
"i was simply making an observation." though his tone may be dry, his amusement is painfully obvious. in fact, it's so crystal clear that your cheeks redden even more.
zayne doesn't tease you anymore than that. he focuses on ordering his treats. to your surprise, he lists a lot more than just one slice of cake.
"the macarons are for you." zayne says, unprompted. "if i remember correctly, mc once told me you liked them."
"i do…" you warily agree.
you're touched by his kindness, but you can't shake off the feeling that he's trying to work an answer out of you. are you reading too much into this?
no. no you're not.
hidden in the depths of zayne's steady gaze is a hint of anticipation and a silent, "since i shared my intentions with you, i hope you will do the same."
you give up with a groan.
"the lemonade is for caleb." you finally admit, arms crossed over your chest. "it would be mean if i didn't actually get him anything."
"how thoughtful." his lips twitch. it's not quite a smile, not effortless like when he's talking to mc, but it's similar.
an unfamiliar laugh spills between you two.
"gosh, you guys are so cute!" the girl that took your order exclaims. she urges you forward, handing you a tray of your requested things.
"i'm sorry?" you laugh, bewildered.
"you and your boyfriend." she gestures between you and zayne. "i can tell you two just started dating. my boyfriend and i were just as awkward in the beginning!"
"no, we're not…"
the girl suddenly points out the window where caleb and mc are. "you're on a double date, right? that's literally so cute!" she squeals.
your mouth presses into a thin line. turning your head over your shoulder, you see the two talking animatedly about something. their closeness is apparent even from this distance— and the look on caleb's face? the one where he stares at mc like she hung the moon and stars in his sky?
they look good together. complete.
"we should get going now." zayne says, a hand hovering over your back. "our friends are waiting for us."
blinking rapidly, you nod and return to reality, pushing away the thoughts that haunt you more than a ghost ever could.
"thank you." you say to the girl behind the counter.
she waves you both goodbye. on your way out the front door, you vaguely hear her coworker scolding her for being too intrusive.
zayne doesn't say anything. even if he noticed something, he doesn't mention it at all. it's hard to tell what he's thinking through his silence, so you stay quiet yourself.
"there you two are." mc bounces in her seat. she pulls your chair out from under the table and grins at you, starry-eyed as she urges you to return to your seat.
"here you are." you hand her the plate of apple pie before sitting down at her command.
"thank you!"
as she digs into her pie, you wordlessly hold out the sparkling glass of lemonade towards caleb. the cubes of ice clink against the glass loudly, almost mockingly.
"what's this?" caleb takes hold of the cup, snickering, "you actually got me something?"
"no, that would be from me." zayne cuts in.
"huh?" you and caleb both turn to him.
zayne locks eyes with you. it isn't a connection that lasts long at all. if anything, it's gone within a blink. despite that, you somehow managed to catch onto his intentions.
"yeah." your mouth wobbles. "zayne thought of you. isn't he so nice?"
you and zayne share another glance. you see it again, that hard-to-spot playfulness concealed behind his calm demeanor.
"really?" caleb narrows his eyes in suspicion. "that's… weird."
"how so?" zayne curiously peeks at him.
"dunno."
instead of pushing for an answer, zayne's attention returns to you. he slides the plate of brightly colored macarons across the table, setting it right in front of you. looking at him, you find that he's staring intently at the plate.
"let's share," you suggest.
he stills awkwardly, but then nods.
"thank you."
he can't say no to sweets, you note. you'll have to take advantage of that sometime.
after that, the rest of the gathering proceeded smoothly. it was a good experience. you took to zayne like a duck in water. sure, you may have only gotten to know him on a surface level, but you did exchange phone numbers with him. if you read him correctly, you were able to tell that he was genuinely interested in talking more. even mc noticed.
mc was ecstatic to realize how well you and zayne got along. she had already set the next get-together for next week before whisking zayne away on her bike. he appeared particularly pale at the sight of her motorcycle, but he didn't refuse her offer. it tickled you silly.
"hey." caleb makes himself known by pressing his hand gently to the small of your back. his hand is warm and inviting.
"let's get you home."
"mhm, thanks."
in the car, he's unusually quiet. you mindfully keep to yourself, used to sinking into the background whenever he needs space to think. you're sure it has something to do with mc. you can only wait patiently until he's ready to talk.
"soooo," he begins after a minute of silence.
he taps a finger against the wheel, glancing between you and the red light hanging above the road.
"i saw how well you and zayne clicked."
your head bobs up and down slowly, confusion tinted across your face.
"yeah," you respond, "zayne's nice."
he stares at you. "just nice?"
"…what's this about?" you squint at him. "why are you being weird?"
"i'm not, i'm not— promise." he says just a little too quickly.
he clears his throat, "i just think… maybe you shouldn't get too close to him?"
"what?"
the car behind you honks loudly. caleb flinches in surprise and steps on the gas in a hurry.
"look, i've known zayne since we were kids," he starts awkwardly.
"he's not a bad guy, but he can be a little careless. he does things that are hard to understand," he babbles, "i mean, he's made mc cry more times than i can count. not on purpose, but still..."
you raise an eyebrow at him. "so?"
"sooo," he chuckles, "you definitely deserve a better man than him." he says with full confidence.
"do you catch my drift, rocketship?"
it finally clicks.
"what." you laugh in disbelief.
"caleb, i am not romantically interested in zayne!" you shriek, "i just met him!"
"i know, but—"
reaching over the center console, you pinch his arm through his jacket. "knock it off," you seethe. "don't act all overprotective with me. save that for mc."
he whines in pain, briefly taking one hand off the steering wheel to rub at the spot you pinched sore.
"you know i'm only like this 'cause i care about you," he says through a small pout.
he has both hands on the wheel again, avoiding your glare by focusing on the road in front of him.
"i know you care, but that doesn't mean you get to decide who i can and can't get along with." this is a boundary you're not willing to bend for him.
even if he reciprocated your feelings, you knew you would never yield to his possessiveness.
and he seems to understand that. after all, he's been your friend for a while. he may not know all your secrets— especially not the one that caused your heart to thump loudly in its cage— but he understood you well enough to know better. still, he couldn't help but toe your bottom line. the sight of you getting along so well with zayne made him feel weird.
"i'm sorry." he says, knowing he owes you that much and more. "i really won't do it again."
he parks the car and turns half of his body towards you, donning that one expression you and him both know you're weak to. you usually fall victim to his puppy-dog eyes and give him the forgiveness he desperately wants. if it were any other time, you would absolutely do so. it's only right now that you're finding it difficult to give in.
it isn't as if his behavior is unforgivable. you two have fought over smaller things. you could easily give him an 'it's okay' and move on with your day. the issue was that there's something heavy in the air that neither of you cared to acknowledge.
does he somehow know about your feelings for him?
that was your only guess. if that is where his concerns stem from, you could understand why he avoided mentioning it. he was comfortable with the closeness you two shared. you had become his rock. he had reduced you to emotional support that he has long taken for granted. he didn't want you to give that piece of yourself to anyone else.
you knew that already.
however, you suddenly want more than this. not something more with him, but something beyond him.
"please talk to me." he scoops up your hand, the one within his reach, clinging onto you with unprecedented nervousness.
you make the mistake of meeting his gaze. his purple eyes always had a hypnotic effect on you. although you still have a lot to think about, you give him a small smile.
"it's okay." you slip your hand away from his. "we're okay, okay?"
he nods, slowly and unconvinced. "okay."
his mouth opens and closes a few times like a fish out of water. he can't seem to figure out what to say next.
it brings a tiny giggle out of you.
"get home safely, caleb." you say, pushing open the car door.
"yeah…"
you exit and wave him a quick goodbye, your steps hurried as you make your escape. he watches you restlessly. something has shifted. that much he can tell.
but as he pulls his car out and drives off, he can't find it in himself to drag you back down to his personal hell.
zayne had messaged you the moment he had gotten home.
it was a very clean "i look forward to getting to know you."
you were a bit uneasy talking to him, but he was a better conversationalist than you had initially thought. from there, the messages grew in number thanks to his efforts. he tried his best to reply whenever he was able.
ignoring caleb's advice, you have been spending a lot of time with zayne. he was a breath of fresh air in a complicated time of your life. zayne may be aloof, and sometimes awkward, but he is honest. grounding. not in the same way you had steadied caleb when he needed you, but in a way that felt lighter. reciprocated.
lately, zayne has shown great interest in exploring the restaurants in linkon. some new, others old. you were curious about the memories he had at certain places, so when he had asked you to accompany him, you easily agreed.
"you should try this." zayne says as he cuts a piece of fish from his plate. he sets it down on a smaller plate before sliding it in front of you.
you poke at the piece of fish with your fork. "what is it?"
"don't play with your food." zayne mildly says, his tone scolding. he then answers, "it's crispy sweet and sour carp."
you carefully scoop it into your mouth, instantly enjoying the smoky and sweet flavor combination. you lick the residual sauce off your lips, grinning. "it's delicious."
"i'm pleased you think so." he stares down at his food, hands paused in place.
breaking free from his momentary contemplation, he asks, "would you like to share?"
you smile at him. "no thank you," you respond, shaking your head side to side. "i'll order it next time we're here."
"i'm not some sort of monster that steals food from good doctors," you joke.
"lucky me."
pleased, he returns to his meal. it's always pretty quiet when you two dine together. he's not much of a talker as he is a listener, and you don't usually have much to say yourself. not at the moment, at least.
there's never any pressure to force a conversation with zayne. he has always made that very clear. he's comfortable with his silence and you're comfortable with your own.
"will you be ordering dessert?" zayne asks as soon as he's finished with his plate. he dabs a napkin against his mouth as he waits for your response.
"i'd love a glass of wine instead."
he nods. "i will order it."
"thank you."
your wine was brought over first, to which you enjoyed with great pleasure. in comfortable silence, of course, until zayne spoke up.
"i've enjoyed getting to know you," he suddenly confesses.
you blink a few times over your glass of wine. once his words sink in, your face softens.
"do you really mean that?"
"yes." he nods. "from all that i have heard from mc, i always assumed we would get along. seeing it actually come to fruition is quite rewarding."
"aww." you chuckle, "i'm glad to be your friend too, zayne."
he laughs through his nose, the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.
continuing his train of thought, he says, "however, mc failed to mention one very important detail about you." his expression suddenly shifts.
you're almost afraid to ask, but you do it anyways. "and what do you mean by that?"
zayne's eyes droop into two slow blinks. he opens his mouth to respond, but hesitates a few times before he can no longer help himself.
"she failed to mention your feelings for caleb." he finally says.
you tense up immediately, pause for a few seconds, then deflate with an incredulous laugh. "wow," you swallow, "you're more perceptive than mc made you out to be."
"i only noticed it because i am familiar with it myself." he responds.
"are you admitting to your own unrequited love?"
he hums.
"what an unusual place in our lives we have found ourselves in." you swirl the wine around in your glass.
"do you perhaps have a cure, dr. zayne?"
zayne shakes his head. "i'm afraid not." he replies. "love is not an illness."
"boo." you huff.
"besides, i believe you aren't in need of medication." his voice held an air of confidence. "you are taking very good care in spite of everything."
he murmurs," i admire your resilience."
your face flushes.
"you…" you avert your gaze. "you sure are full of compliments today," you cough.
"it isn't just flattery." he assures you. "it's the truth."
"i certainly don't carry myself with nearly as much grace."
there's a faint but present pause. his self-criticism always seamlessly works it's way into many of your shared conversations. it shocks you every time. zayne isn't as secure as he comes off. despite being everything that he is, he still has a less than ideal perception of himself.
you have to take a deep breath just before responding, "you're okay to me, zayne." you lock eyes with him fully. emotionally.
his breath hitches, startled with the sudden weight held in your gaze.
"it feels a little silly, doesn't it?" your words soften around a smile. "loving someone whose heart is already taken, i mean."
"yes," he agrees, "you only ever see this kind of thing in dramas."
"right?" you chuckle.
taking in a deep breath, you press on, "but i see you, zayne. your efforts do not go unnoticed." you say. "you are doing well in your own way."
zayne exhales quietly. you barely hear it under the restaurant's murmur, but you catch it, and you don't miss the subtle hint of relief that comes from it.
"thank you." his lips twitch into something resembling a stiff smile.
"if it isn't too much to say, getting to know you has been the highlight of this year." he says, eyes gentle and dripping with sincerity.
your heart burns in a painfully pleasant way, similar to stepping into a warmed home after being out in the cold for too long.
"it isn't too much at all." you assure him, matching his warm expression with one of your own. "i actually think the same way."
"i'm so grateful to have you be a part of my everyday life."
he clears his throat, ears flushed red. you're both aware that he isn't used to being this vulnerable. this was a new experience and you're honestly so grateful he trusts you enough to open up.
"oh." zayne murmurs when his eyes catch on something.
turning your head, you spot the host of your table approaching with the desserts.
the host neatly arranges the goods across the table. some of the plates have even been placed within your reach. you weren't really in the mood for desserts, but now you're slightly tempted.
"i don't mind sharing." zayne says.
"i'm okay." you respond, having made up your mind. you're satisfied with your wine. a little drink is the perfect way to top off this lovely evening.
he's about to break into a piece of tiramisu when you hurriedly speak up. "oh, wait!"
you ask, "can i take a picture for my moments?
he pauses, hesitant to wait for long, then agrees with a mild pout.
with a hurried thanks tumbling out of your mouth, you pull out your phone and slide onto your camera app. it takes a few seconds until you manage to get a good angle of your glass of wine, all the desserts on the opposite side of the table, and zayne himself. he's stiff, especially after the first two clicks of the camera.
"that should be more than enough pictures…"
"just one more!"
"…" resigned, he nibbles on his empty fork.
you snap one last picture of the table, purposefully making it so that zayne is visible from only the neck down.
satisfied, you give him a thumbs up. "all done."
"thank goodness." he eagerly cuts into his cake. "i was afraid you had turned into a monster that forbade me from eating sweets."
you quirk an eyebrow at him.
"well," you thoughtfully hum. "that doesn't sound like such a bad idea."
his eyes widen, dread quick to pale his face. "why exactly do you say that..?"
"a certain someone had to visit the dentist just last week because of a toothache," you recall. "drastic times call for drastic measures, don't you think?" you smile behind the rim of your wineglass.
"no… i don't agree with that at all." he subtly pulls his plate of cake closer, afraid you might act on your words.
cute.
"i'm just teasing you." you reach over the table with a napkin in hand, gesturing for him to wipe away some red jam that ended up on his chin.
he misunderstands, leaning forward so you can do it for him. without bothering to correct him, you smoothly rub the napkin across his skin, wiping the jam off in one go.
"that wasn't a very funny joke." he mumbles, words disappearing behind a bite of another dessert.
"i promise to never joke about becoming a monster that will take away your sweet treats," you say with a hand over your heart, forcing yourself to appear serious.
he relaxes. "good."
once again, silence falls upon you and zayne. you welcome it. it's peaceful and enjoyable, and it has you smiling at zayne for no reason at all.
but it isn't long until the quiet is interrupted by the incessant vibrating of your phone. it's a bit alarming since you don't usually get that many notifications all at once. worriedly, you tug your phone out of your bag.
8 comments on your moments post, 19 unread text messages, 10 missed calls.
all from caleb.
"i'm going to take this call real quick," you say, the device vibrating obtrusively in the palm of your hand.
zayne nods, curious but understanding. "take your time."
feeling terrible about leaving him alone, you decide to make this call quick. you rush into the bathroom in more than a hurry and lock the door behind you. on the twelfth oncoming call, you hurriedly accept it with a swipe.
"caleb—"
"who are you with right now?" caleb asks the moment the call goes through.
you take in a deep breath. "i'm with a friend." you make an effort to level your voice, not wanting to come off one way or the other.
"a friend?" he scoffs. "from the picture on your moments, that place looks fancy. you're not on a date, are you?"
your fingers clench around your phone. "i don't know why that matters to you, caleb."
"why would it not matter?" he huffs, "who are you with?"
then, there's a deep second of silence.
"are you with zayne?"
you inwardly cringe.
"no. it's not zayne."
"don't lie to me." his voice sounds lower than normal. raspy, like a growl. "didn't i tell you not to get too close to him?"
you snap back, "didn't i tell you not to act this way with me?"
caleb let's out a sound that mimics both a groan and a sigh.
"just stay where you are. i'll come pick you up."
"caleb."
"what's the address? oh, wait. it's tagged on your post—"
"caleb!" you nearly yell, "stop it already!"
time stands still for a few seconds, a nothingness that has you feeling out of breath. you can only hear the static on the phone and your loudly thumping heart.
"i won't talk to you anymore if you actually show up." this is your ultimatum.
caleb is precious to you, and he always will be in his own special way— but you have to draw a line somewhere.
he scoffs, "you're joking."
"i'm not."
hearing the resolute tone of your voice has caleb all choked up. "…fine."
"enjoy your date with zayne." he ends the call abruptly after getting one last word in
you stare at your phone screen, shocked, but not surprised. he's surprisingly childish at times. he and mc have that in common.
regardless, it still pulls a frustrated groan out of you.
you love him.
even after realizing you wanted more than simply loving him, it's still hard to let it all go. your feelings have become a part of you and a part of your friendship with caleb.
where on earth do you go from here?
you take a minute to calm yourself down before leaving the bathroom. caleb can wait. right now, you'll enjoy your time with zayne. he's really good company and you're in serious need of a friend.
despite your minor spat with caleb, you're smiling on your way back to the table where zayne is seated. he makes everything a little bit better.
"you and caleb…" zayne begins, trailing off awkwardly. concern dribbles off his voice in a way you haven't heard before.
"what about us?" you urge him to continue his thought.
you aren't oblivious to what he's hinting at. a small part of you simply wants to tease him. it's become a newfound habit of yours. you enjoy poking at him in harmless ways. he hasn't picked up on it yet, so you've been having the time of your life.
"you two are… fighting." he carefully states, lips pursed. that wasn't the way he wanted to bring up the topic and now he feels a somewhat silly.
you giggle. "yeah," you nod while talking, "we aren't exactly on speaking terms right now."
"do you want to talk about it?"
"well…" you blink slowly.
you don't really think it's that big of a deal. you and caleb may be in a bit of a cold war situation right now, but you were in no way afraid that this would be the end of your friendship with him. you two just needed some time apart.
but, honestly, maybe talking about it would make you feel less… numb.
"i'm okay," you assure him. unfortunately, he doesn't seem convinced in the slightest.
"are you sure?"
"absolutely."
zayne quiets, his face knowing.
you crack under his hard gaze.
"okay, okay." you laugh a little.
"i don't know anymore." you confess, trying to appear nonchalant by shrugging.
"my friendship with caleb has always been a bit messy." your voice shakes. "honestly, i assumed it would always be this way so i just, i dunno… stopped thinking about it too much?"
"you started avoiding the main issue," he concludes. not to mock or criticize you. he speaks in an uncertain tone, recognizing another thing you two seem to share.
laughing, you agree with him. "i've been avoiding it for a while now."
zayne sinks into his thoughts. his features strain against emotions that threaten to fully escape him.
"it would be hypocritical of me to condemn your behavior." he frowns an inch more. "i also find it easier to simply step away from certain situations."
you stare at him while he continues.
"however, it always results in the same conclusion." his gaze hardens.
"a mistake." he says, firmer, "a regret that will accompany me for as long as i live."
his words are a bitter medicine you force yourself to swallow down.
"even if it haunts me, i don't want to face it." you stubbornly say. "being honest with him would change everything."
there's a heavy silence before, "i didn't say those things to force you into a decision you are not ready to make." he says. his tone carries a hidden apology. "i only wanted to offer you my perspective."
"we are more alike than i imagined."
you smile. wryly, but also with a hint of affection. "we are," you murmur.
"perhaps," zayne reaches over and clasps onto your hand, "it would be best to keep some distance."
"what?" you blink. "you're suggesting i avoid him after warning me about running away from my problems?"
he immediately shakes his head.
"i believe there's a difference between running away and practicing distance." finally, his face untwists and melts. "you give far too much of yourself to him."
your mouth quivers open and shut. you can't deny what he's saying. if anything, you gave more than just "too much" to caleb. you gave him the world when he never even asked for it.
you can't fully remember your life before you started loving him.
what did you used to do instead of spending every day and night messaging caleb?
aside from him and mc, which of your friends did you hang out with in the past?
who were you before caleb?
thanks to zayne, you've come to realize just how much of your life you have neglected— how many friends you sidelined for someone that would never give you what you want. realizing this, you're filled with shame.
"you make a really good point." your eyebrows furrow, bringing your face into something resembling determination. "i still have a lot waiting for me outside of caleb."
"for example…" you smile at zayne. "you."
"i genuinely treasure our friendship." a fuzzy feeling tickles you from the inside of your chest. it brings a chuckle out of you, the sound somewhat giddy. "you have reminded me of everything that i took for granted. i forgot how nice it is to have an actual friend."
zayne smiles back at you in his own way.
"you are a friend i cherish as well." he says. this time, his ears don't burn red. his sincerity comes without shame.
your heart swells with pure endearment. "i'm glad."
"can i continue relying on you to keep being my friend, dr. zayne?" you playfully ask.
catching on, his eyes twinkle.
"only if you continue to accompany me for meals." he replies. "i still have many more restaurants to revisit."
you laugh, "we don't always have to go out to eat."
"what else do you suggest we do?"
"nothing." you easily answer. "we don't need to do anything at all."
worried he might not like the idea, you ask, "does that sound too boring to you?"
"that doesn't sound boring at all." zayne shakes his head side to side. "the thought of doing nothing with you sounds nice." he says. "i can't recall the last time i turned off my brain."
"no brains needed here." you lean into his side.
"hm." zayne nods.
he doesn't press back into you, but you feel a slight shift. it's enough to assure you that he isn't uncomfortable.
letting your eyes close, you breathe in deep, taking in the scent of the day around you. freshly cut grass, the faint sweet smell of blossoming flowers on the trees, and zayne's clean scent. the combination of it all is wonderful to you.
one last big sigh spills out of you and taking its place in your chest is something fuller. tangible. a happiness that does not drip off of another person and onto you.
the changes in your life did not occur through conscious effort.
your late night texts with caleb had dwindled, like the flame of an already-melted candle. you weren't ignoring him on purpose. the urge to text him every single night no longer haunted you. you instead called other friends during the night, talking about this and that. old memories, new plans.
caleb also no longer asked for your time or company. you weren't sure if he was still sulking or was just busy with his own life. all you knew was that he didn't seem comfortable asking for you anymore.
that's the most important change to have recently been made: he didn't come to you for comfort. it was as if that door had been completely closed off to you. in a way, it was sad. you never once held any qualms about being there for him whenever he needed someone to turn to, but even you admit that it had grown to an extent far beyond your means.
you couldn't be there for him forever. you were glad to be a shoulder to rely on, but disappointed by how little help you actually provided. that wore you down more than you had initially thought.
luckily, things have changed. not entirely, just in ways that mattered.
your time is yours again and you were making good use of it— especially right now as you sit beside zayne in the early hours of the evening, waiting for fireworks to soon light up the inky sky.
"today was a mess, huh?"
zayne pulls his gaze from the star-speckled sky. when he turns to you, he smiles wider than he did in the past.
"it was a day full of surprises," he replies.
"that's a nice way to put it."
he laughs quietly, not yet looking away even when you already have. he watches you enjoy the sight of the stars. the sparkles in your eyes are much better than the real thing.
"the sunset we saw earlier was beautiful." you recall, still in awe over the sight you saw with zayne. "the river was like a mirror full of gold."
zayne nods in full agreement. "it was worth the trip considering its rarity."
"i think so too." you grin, your head bobbing up and down. "i'm glad to have seen it with you."
you glow in the night. nonintrusive, like you belong with the stars itself. his chest burns pleasantly as he stares at you. he finds every inch of you endearing to a near painful extent.
"i share the sentiment." lifting his hand, he brushes a knuckle against your cheek. he keeps it there for only a second before finding his own behavior quite odd.
"thank you for planning today with me." he says. his hand rests flat on his lap. "it isn't often i do this kind of thing. i barely have much time for it, if any at all."
"i'm happy to pull you away from your work for once." you chuckle, "you're addicted to your work, zayne. i always like seeing you take well-deserved breaks."
he hums. "there's nothing one with devoting yourself to your career."
"if that's the case, then do you plan to marry it?"
his lips curl even more visibly. "perhaps if it were an option." he dryly jokes.
you laugh into your hand, shaking your head while your shoulders bounce. "yeah right!"
suddenly, in the far distant, fireworks explode into the night sky. the colors splash across dark clouds and fizzle out within seconds. mini supernovas, you think. beautiful and brief.
"pretty." you whisper, relaxing at the sight.
"very," zayne agrees. it doesn't sound like his voice is directed towards the fireworks.
you glance at him and he glances at you. the fireworks are close enough that each explosion illuminates your faces, tainting both you and him in a variety of colors.
"you know," you start, gesturing towards him. "if you were to look at mc that way, she'd fall for you instantly."
the unexpected topic startles zayne.
"where is this coming from?" he asks through a subtle frown.
you shrug. "i just think you two would make a cute couple," you explain.
"should i help you woo her?" you bounce on the heels of your shoes. "i can tell you her favorite date ideas or what activities she likes to do—"
"no." zayne shakes his head. his tone isn't harsh, it's firm. "i would appreciate any advice, support, and encouragement, but only that."
"otherwise, my feelings for her should remain a separate matter from my friendship with you."
before he really got to know you, he watched how you danced to caleb's tune. you were his personal court jester, a convenience called in whenever he needed to feel better. caleb took advantage of your soft heart and your endless understanding. zayne saw that firsthand.
that's one of the reasons why he reached out to you in the beginning. he did not like seeing caleb take advantage of you.
"sorry." you hurry to say, flustered. your cheeks flush a dark red. "i just thought— i don't know." you hang your head down low. "i'm sorry."
shifting to the side, you awkwardly put some space between you and zayne.
zayne steps forward, closing the gap.
"don't apologize." his scarred hand circles around your wrist. his grip is loose but there. "i know you mean well."
"mhm." you give him a small smile. "i want you to be happy."
"i assure you i'm the happiest i've been yet." he says. "returning to linkon was the best decision i have ever made."
"sappy." you tease him.
he squeezes your wrist gently. "do you dislike it?"
"not at all."
you lean over, somewhat suspicious. "but are you absolutely sure you don't want me to help you out with mc?"
"my answer remains the same." he confidently retorts.
"you don't need to do anything for me," he murmurs, "you have done quite a lot already."
"really?" you chuckle. "you don't need anything from me? anything at all?"
"well…" he blinks away from you.
"perhaps i could do with a bit more of your time." he mumbles. "aside from today, you've been quite busy."
your cheeks hurt from how much you're grinning.
"awwie," you coo, "have you been lonely without me, zayne?"
he avoids answering and instead says, "it would be nice to spend more time with you."
he made it too obvious, but you let it slide.
"okay, i get it. a certain dr. zayne misses his good friend." a sweet smile blooms across your face. "i think i can give him a teeny tiny bit more of my time moving forward."
"dr. zayne thanks you for your generosity." he murmurs.
"it's my pleasure."
"how does this upcoming thursday sound?" you suggest. "we can have lunch at my place and finish up that co-op game." you don't forget to add, "the one with the save file from when you played it with someone else."
zayne's eyebrows twitch. "that file was from a test run at the hospital."
"mhm. of course dr. zayne plays video games with his fellow doctors and nurses." you laugh, "what was i thinking?"
your teasing makes him sigh, "you are ridiculous."
while you giggle, he silently zips up your jacket and brushes a leaf off your shoulder.
"thursday works very well for me." he says, silently admiring you.
"i know." you sing. "you shared your schedule with me, remember?"
"oh." he nods very slowly. "i had forgotten about that."
"i don't usually share my entire schedule unless it's with colleagues." he gives you a small half-smile. "i suppose only you would want to know my weekly schedule without any real reason."
you narrow your eyes at him. "are you calling me nosy, zayne?"
"no, not at all." a chuckle nearly escapes him. "where did you get that idea?"
"i don't believe you!" you tug on the hem of his coat, successfully bringing the laughter out of him. "hey! stop laughing!"
caleb wonders what you're doing.
are you busy? have you been eating properly? were you working from home today?
do you miss him? he misses you.
he knows he may have gotten too attached, but he never thought he would miss you this much. it's driving him crazy.
every time he thinks about mc, he thinks about you. when he's with her, he compares it to how much better it was when the three of you were together. it's not the same. something is wrong when you aren't around.
caleb misses you so much, but he's scared. scared of what you'll say to him. scared of how you would probably turn him away without even giving him the chance to speak. he doesn't want any of that. he is a coward.
he borrows mc's account information so he can view your social media posts without you knowing.
you seem free, dancing to a song he can't hear. you're moving so easily, from one place to another, creating new memories he never knew you wanted to create. he hears your familiar laughter in brief videos, but the sound is different. you never laughed so freely with him. even your eyes have changed. they're brighter. untangled.
why do you seem so much better without him?
he doesn't like it. you don't miss him at all and it's obvious. that's not fair to him.
he misses you so damn much and the only thing he can do about it is watch you from afar. only this much is allowed. only this.
yesterday, you had went to zayne's house and made him dinner. he saw the completed meal on your moments. it looked delicious.
today, you and zayne were out and about. you had dragged zayne off to an amusement park. caleb watched as you took pictures and posted it to your moments in quick succession. he witnessed each upload in person, secretly watching you from afar.
he wouldn't approach you. he can't.
you're glowing. gorgeous. he hasn't seen this side of you before. not from an outside perspective.
how could he barge into your wonderful day with zayne? as much as he wanted to, he held back. he hid in corners, stood nearby behind groups of threes and fours, sat behind you on rollercoaster rides. he was right there in plain sight, yet you didn't see him. all you saw was zayne.
"i'm sorry. i'm afraid i have to take this call," zayne says, stepping out of line. "this is a very special patient and i need to handle this situation as soon as possible."
"hey, it's okay!" you beam. "we can always line back up afterwards—" someone accidentally pushes you forward, urging you closer to the front.
zayne chuckles from a few steps away. "enjoy the ride. i would love to hear about it when you return." he nods in farewell, hurrying to answer the call in a quieter place.
unable to back out now, you approach the ride operator with an awkward smile. before you could inform her that you're riding alone, she interupts you.
"you two lovebirds better behave~" the friendly girls squeals, guiding you and someone else into the car.
"huh? no, i…"
the gleam in your eyes fade when you recognize the man sliding into the seat across from you.
"he's always doing that." the person in front of you says. his voice is playful, but critical. "always running away whenever he wants."
chestnut brown hair, deep purple eyes that remind you of galaxies, pale skin with lively splotches of pink and red. those were the features of a man you loved more than anything and anyone else.
"caleb." his name falls from your lips not in surprise, but in resignation.
he chuckles once, saying your name with sickening familiarity. "it's been a while, hasn't it?"
he watches you carefully, expecting you to blow up on him. there's a twinkle of anticipation in his eyes, almost as if he wants you to fall apart.
you won't give him that satisfaction.
"what are you doing here?" you ask, much too calm for the storm raging inside you.
caleb purses his lips. his eyes darken beneath his bangs, a silence spilling into the space around you.
he doesn't respond.
a heartbeat later, he stands up from his seat, uncaring of how his actions cause the car to rock slightly.
"caleb?" you grip the edge of your seat. "what are you doing?"
he steps towards you, the shift in weight swaying the car even more. your heart drops into your gut.
"caleb!" you squeeze your eyes shut out of fear.
he sits down next to you.
"it's okay." he carefully unhooks your fingers from the edge of the seat and locks your hands together. "don't worry. i've got you."
you shudder at the warmth of his skin.
"why did you do that?" you huff. opening your eyes, you direct a harsh glare at him. "now the car is off balance."
he smiles apologetically, comfortable in your gaze even if it's full of contempt.
"i just wanted to be closer to you." he whispers. there's a heavy pause before he adds, "i missed you."
you swallow. the sad look on his face twists your heart in a way you thought you had overcome. taking in another deep breath, your sharp edges soften.
"we saw each other just last week," you point out.
"that was at a restaurant with mc and her friends." he huffs, pouting. "we didn't even get to talk that much."
"we don't even hang out anymore." squeezing your hand, he leans closer, forcing his eyes into yours. he's so close that his hair brushes against your forehead. "you've been spending all your time with zayne instead of me."
"that's not true—"
"it is!" he says in a hurry, combative and in a louder volume.
you flinch away from him. you're startled for a second, then angry the next.
"i haven't been hanging out with only zayne." you say, this time without any interruptions. "i have been spending time with other people that are just as important to me. it isn't only zayne."
"what? but you always spent the most time with me." he tugs your hand in his direction, scared you'll pull away from him entirely.
"come on," he nearly whimpers, "can't we just go back to how things were?"
"i really miss you."
your heart races while he stares at you— while he begs you for something you can no longer give him. honestly, a part of you would love to go back to the past. what you had with him was comfortable and fun. it was a bond you will never find anywhere else.
but those times were not all good.
for every late night movie marathon, there were last minute dinners cancelled while you sat in wait at a restaurant. weeks of preparations for a trip that you had to take alone because mc needed him more. u-turns going back to mc's place because it was suddenly storming and he knew she would be scared. all things that couldn't be helped. blameless things. disappointments that you faulted no one for.
you didn't want to go back to those times.
"no." after overcoming the nostalgia, you pull your hand away from him with full clarity.
"no," you repeat, shaking your head. "we can't go back to how things were before. i don't want that."
your eyes catch on something just outside the car's window. the ground is nearing closer and closer. the ride is almost over. thank goodness.
caleb watches the tension fade from your face. he has never seen you so happy to leave him.
exhaling, he asks one last time, "is there really no way to go back?"
you turn to him instantly.
"there's no way i would go back even if i could." you respond.
this time, you offer him no grace. no half-smile or softened expression.
you focus shifts back to the outside world, away from him, and it's then that he realizes that he lost you a while ago.
the car stops at the very bottom, offering you and caleb ample time to get down. caleb exits first and waits at the door, holding a hand out to you like a lord helping a lady from a carriage. you ignore his helpful hand and step down on your own.
you hurry away from the attraction, completely aware that caleb is following you. zayne spots you from afar. he approaches you halfway, his face altered with a blend of concern and confusion.
"why is caleb here?" he asks, holding out a small packet and some water. he blinks between you and caleb, waiting on an answer.
"he was just leaving," you casually respond.
zayne raises an eyebrow at you. "that isn't a very helpful response."
you giggle and shrug. "it's true."
turning over your shoulder, you and caleb lock eyes. "you're leaving, aren't you?"
caleb opens his mouth to object, but the words don't come out. he only sighs and nods. "yeah. i'll go."
"see you later." you wave at him.
"see you." his shoes scrape loudly against the ground as he turns to leave.
after taking a few steps away, he looks back at you.
"what's this for?" you point to the items in zayne's hands, cheeks raised up towards your eyes.
zayne coughs awkwardly. "i thought you would be feeling sick by now."
"what?" you giggle, inspecting the items fondly. "i've been on so many different rides and haven't felt sick at all."
"it doesn't hurt to be prepared in advance."
caleb clenches his fists and begrudgingly continues walking away.
you relax once you notice him disappear from the corner of your eye.
"it's getting late." you pocket the medicine after thanking him with a smile.
"we should start heading home," you suggest.
"yes, we should."
seeing a small group of rowdy kids approaching, zayne presses a careful hand on your back. "this way."
you don't mind letting him lead. he makes it hard not to rely on him. plus, he seems to like taking care of people in his own way.
"you didn't get to ride the ferris wheel today." you say with an exaggerated sigh. "what are you going to tell the little girl at the hospital?" you giggle, "she wanted you to ride that one the most. i remember her insisting on it since it's her favorite."
zayne smiles softly, the mention of his patient bringing a chuckle out of him. "i suppose i will have to disappoint her this time," he says.
"why don't you show your patient the pictures we took?"
"absolutely not."
"but you looked really cute with the silly mascot headband!"
"i'm afraid i have a reputation i would like to maintain."
your eyes crinkle as you giggle. you're giddy after the rough ride you just came out of, allowing yourself to focus more on the present than the thought of caleb.
"surprise!" caleb beams, holding out a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a box of cake in the other.
"i came to celebrate your work promotion." he says, brushing past you in a hurry.
he enters your home, placing the items on a nearby table so he can take off his coat.
"i was also thinkin' about ordering some takeout from that place you really like," he rambles, taking full advantage of your shell shocked state.
you really didn't expect him today.
in fact, you were all dressed up for dinner with your colleagues. him showing up completely threw you off.
"caleb," you call his name carefully, lingering by the open door. "i'm going out."
"can you come back some other time?"
"huh?" he faces you, lips quirked into a pout. "why don't you just stay here with me?" he grins quickly. his jump from one expression is unsettling. "i'll show you a way better time than whoever you're going to meet." he confidently says.
you shake your head instantly.
"i'm having dinner with my colleagues. they planned it just for me." you stress, "i have to go."
"hm." caleb nods slowly. "then i'll wait for you here."
you frown at him.
"come on— please?" he stumbles your way. "i won't do anything. i'll wait right here for you and then we can hang when you get back."
"no, caleb." you open the door wider. "you need to leave."
his eyes widen. "no… no, please don't kick me out." he looks at you with a pale face.
"i'm not backing down from this." you say, determined to get your way instead of his.
"if you want to hang out, you can come over tomorrow. i'm free all day."
"no, i just…"
"please." you hiss. "not today, caleb."
his shoulders slump. "i'll wait for you outside then." he walks back out.
frustrated, you glare at him. "go home."
"no way." he stands in front of you, the doorway an invisible wall between you and him. "you can't make me. i'm gonna wait for you here."
"you're impossible," you groan.
you exit and lock up your door. "i'm going to be really mad if you're still here when i get back."
"don't worry." he chuckles softly, a faint sound that comes off a little sad. "i'll make it up to you just like always."
you catch a glimpse of him, grimacing. "i think you're mistaking me for mc."
"i'm not..." his eyes twitch. "why does everything always have to involve her?"
"what?" you look at him like he's crazy. "are you seriously asking that?"
"yeah."
"caleb," you let out a small, bitter laugh. "when is anything you have to say not about her?"
"you—" his face flushes with shame.
"it's been about you lately," he hurriedly retorts. "i've been thinking about you." he stares at you with shaky eyes. "worrying about you and our friendship…"
"thanks i guess." you shrug. "but i'm okay and so is our friendship."
"it's not and you know it!" caleb nearly yells, frustrated and afraid.
you glare at him. "raising your voice doesn't make what you're saying any more true."
he winces. "sorry…"
sighing, you ignore his apology. "i won't be back for a while." you say, walking past him. "im serious about what i said earlier. you better not be here when i return."
caleb keeps his mouth shut.
you feel a little bad.
why is he so good at guilt tripping you?
barely holding your ground, you leave without even saying goodbye. you're going to make tonight a good time even after caleb's disturbance. your world doesn't revolve around him anymore. you won't let him control which days are good and which are bad.
by the time you arrived at the restaurant, your mood was better. the place your colleagues chose was perfect in both food and atmosphere. you remember one of your friends recommending this place to you recently. you'll have to text her when you get home.
you were happy for the entire event. not once did you think about caleb… aside from the brief minute you spent comparing one of your colleague's dress to his eyes. the dress was the exact same glimmery shade as his eyes when seen in the sunlight.
but that momentary thought faded away after a few blinks. you had gotten better at erasing traces of him, but his existence in your heart persisted no matter how hard you tried. it's hard to unlearn him entirely when he brought you so much joy.
…is he still waiting for you?
you leave the restaurant sooner than you had wanted. your heart couldn't take the weight of guilt. thankfully, your colleagues didn't mind. this was your special day. they yielded for the sake of your comfort and happiness.
caleb could learn a thing or two from them.
approaching your front door, you make out a crumpled up figure beside it. caleb is propped up against the wall, huddled into himself. he reminds you of an abandoned dog. lost, lingering in the place it last saw its owner.
something dark swirls in your chest. frustration, anger, hatred— defeat.
you plant yourself right in front of him. you can tell he's conscious from how he shifts in place.
"caleb." your voice reeks with resentment and pity.
he tilts his head back. his purple eyes glow in the dark. it's captivating when it shouldn't be.
you stare down at him with a grim expression. "what do you want out of this?"
caleb swallows the knot in his throat.
"i don't know." he answers, reaching towards you in one last ditch effort. he grips onto the side of your pants, trying to be your anchor in the worst way possible.
"i miss you." his voice sounds unstable, heavy with emotions he hasn't yet named.
but he looks up at you, desperate to connect with you again. you once understood him more than he understood himself. you saw him for who he was. every pitiful, messy part of him had been put on display and you never hated him for it.
"i really don't get it." you say, lost in the depth of his eyes. "why are you acting like this, caleb?"
gripping you tighter, he speaks as if talking to himself, "we were closer than this."
you frown. "this kind of distance is normal for friends."
"is it?" he scoffs. "then what were we before?"
your lips tighten.
you don't know what to say. in some twisted way, he's right. you gave too much of yourself to him in the past. that wasn't friendship. that was devotion beyond the bounds of a platonic relationship.
"i don't know if we were ever really friends." your voice may shake, but you continue, "i wanted to be more than friends with you, caleb."
your gaze never leaves his. you have finally said what you promised never to say. the secret held in a pristine glass enclosure has now been taken out of its display.
he's the first to break the connection. it's shame that tears his eyes from yours.
"i know." his grip loosens and his hand falls. he hangs his head, chin flush on his chest.
"i'm sorry," he says. for many things, you assume.
although he has trouble letting go, he is still very aware of his feelings. he can't say he loves you the same way you did. what he holds for you could never match the devotion you selflessly gave him.
despite knowing that, what he feels is shapeless and unnamed. he wants to hold onto you and hold you down. your companionship was addicting. he felt so much less alone when you suffered right beside him.
that isn't love, it's destruction.
"go home, caleb." your tone is softer this time.
he nods but doesn't move. "yeah."
he looks at you one more time. just one last time.
he inhales, repeating in an uneven voice, "yeah..." the word a final farewell.
you unlock the door to your home and walk in. not once did you glance back at him.
the sound of the door shutting is final. it echoes.
shivering, you hug yourself in your arms, eyelashes fluttering to combat the aggressive pour of snow. "it's freezing out here," you mumble, teeth chattering.
"tell me about it," caleb laughs as he stops at your side.
he flashes you a grin while holding a paper cup out in front of you. "hot cocoa."
"thanks." you smile in return, grateful for any semblance of warmth. the hot drink does a lot for your bare hands.
your focus shifts from caleb to the other two people a little ways ahead. zayne and mc. the sight of them together doesn't provoke anything in you. in fact, they look so lovely. the small shops and road is blanketed in snow. it makes for a beautiful backdrop for two of your most beloved friends. they remind you of little figures in a snow globe.
caleb sniffles beside you, bringing your attention back to him. he isn't handling the cold very well.
you point to mc and zayne. "she's cuddled up to him," you say. "aren't you gonna go separate them or something?"
"why?" he grins. "are you jealous?"
"nope." you casually say, your response sincere.
you're relaxed, enjoying the experience even if the cold tirelessly bites at you.
caleb whispers your name, but it's whisked away by an intense gust of wind, destined to never reach you.
on the other hand, when zayne says your name, you hear it without any outside forces obstructing his call. it easily catches your attention.
zayne holds a hand out in your direction, urging you to come close, your reflection the only thing in his hazel eyes. you walk over and press your palm flush atop his own.
"i thought you would like to see these." zayne gestures to a shop's display of lanterns. "they often make ice lanterns for many of their festive occasions."
"they're so pretty…" you whisper in awe.
his eyes melt on you. tiny specks of snow cling to your eyelashes like glitter, fluttering away with every blink, brushing against your reddened cheeks as they fall. he finds it extremely difficult to avert his gaze. his heart thumps loudly and he fears what it might imply, both welcoming and fearing it.
"they should be holding a celebration in the upcoming month. i believe it's called frostseal day." zayne says, sounding vaguely nervous.
he clears his throat. "it would be interesting to experience the festivities together, don't you think?"
"i would love to go, but i have a very important work trip scheduled early next month." you glance at him apologetically.
"i see." he nods curtly.
"now that i think about it, i'm not very interested in attending the festival."
"what? but you just…" you burst into subdued giggles, wholly amused by his behavior.
"they're so cute." mc says to caleb. she stepped away from you and zayne a while ago, content with watching from afar.
she has the biggest, most smug smile on her face. "i knew they'd get along."
caleb snorts, "they get along too well if you ask me."
"aww, don't be like that." she nudges him with her elbow. "look at how happy they are together!"
he can't deny that. you're beautiful happy. he'd be a fool to deny the good that came out of this.
"i hope they make it official soon," mc says with restless excitement.
caleb grimaces, the idea of her words coming true is a haunting one.
still, he nods, feigning agreement.
"yeah." he tears away from you and zayne, allowing himself to focus on mc instead.
his heart is still there. he would do anything for her and he will always promise her that. his thoughts may stray, may linger on you and the safety you once provided him— but it will always be mc.
somehow, some way, it's mc.
even if his heart sometimes yearns to rip you from heaven and chain you down to the rotting earth, he will never love you.
"caleb, mc." you beckon for your friends to come over, directing an adoring look their way. the sound of his name on your lips twists caleb's heart into a nasty knot.
"hehe, yes?" mc giggles.
she wiggles her eyebrows, gesturing between you and zayne. "we're not interrupting you guys, are we?"
zayne coughs awkwardly. "there is nothing to interrupt."
"really?" mc hops over and pokes his waist. "i could've sworn something was going on here~"
the two go back and forth, their banter continuing down the sidewalk.
you turn your head over your shoulder, watching caleb watch you. his face is unnaturally pale. he doesn't seem sickly, but scared.
you pity him just a bit. after all, he is your friend. he will continue to be important to you.
"caleb," you hold your hand out towards him, palm facing the sky. "let's go."
an icy breeze brushes past you while you wait on him. he's lost in the clouds still, but you wait. when a nearby storefront light flicks on, it blinds him. he blinks rapidly, returning to reality in a bit of a daze.
"sorry." he's in front of you within a single step.
his close proximity reminds you of the past. the only difference is that there is an invisible wall in the small gap, a secret boundary he both dislikes and respects.
he still manages to slip past the gap. he reaches over and grabs your free hand carefully, as if you were made of glass. he's a bundle of nerves and, honestly, he expects you to pull away without hesitation.
to his surprise, he's met with a smile. his heart doesn't melt, it aches.
"let's go," he says after an awkward gulp.
"mhm." you squeeze his hand and tug him towards your two other friends.
"let's go, caleb!" you exclaim, so bright and so free.
oranges / caleb x non mc reader
tags: angst, unrequited love
word count: 2.7k
you love him, you do, but it's not everything. love is not the air you breathe nor is it your motivation to see another day through. it's a quiet companion, invisible and incomplete.
where there was once pain, longing for reciprocation, now there is acceptance. you are proud of the love you have. it's not wrong or sinful to love someone. this acceptance was a long time coming, one that only dawned upon you after many sleepless nights spent shedding tears into your pillow.
it's an ache that's become easy. comfortable.
"do you have time today?" caleb asks, his voice slightly muffled from the phone's static. you sigh, knowing full well where this conversation was heading and how it would end.
"i'm sorry," you say, "i texted you last night that i'd be busy with work today."
you glance at the small calendar on your desk. "weren't you supposed to be at the fair with mc today?"
there's a brief pause before he answers.
"…she canceled last minute," he sighs.
no wonder he called you. he had cleared his schedule for mc today, but now that she's unavailable, he turned to you. to him, you are second to mc, never a priority and always a backup. you had figured that out years ago, and maybe your pride refused to believe it in the past, but now it's no longer important.
so what if you're second place?
you may love him, but you don't want to be everything to him.
"do you think you can make some time for me?" caleb pleads. "we don't even need to do anything. i just wanna be with you right now…"
he sounds much less energetic than usual— which makes sense considering how his plans with mc fell through, but that can't be the only thing bringing him down. something is bothering him at a deeper level. you can only guess it has something more to do with mc. she's the only one that can throw him off balance like this.
a part of you is envious of the effect she has on him, but an even bigger part is concerned about him.
after a moment, you speak.
"i'm working from home today." you tell him, and you don't need to see him to know that he perks up at your words. you imagine and compare him to an overly excited puppy and it makes you smile.
"you can come over if you promise to behave." you say like he's a child.
"i promise to be good," caleb quickly assures you, laughing softly, each exhale filled with relief.
"i'll buy some snacks so we can watch a movie later. what do you think?"
"i think you should hurry over before i change my mind."
"okay, okay— i'll see you in a flash!"
"be safe."
he ends the call after a speedy promise and a 'bye!' cut short. the moment he's gone, you realize that your space seems so much more quieter than you had initially thought. similar to a tornado, he tore through the calm of your life and left you at a loss, surrendered to silence.
fortunately for you, the quiet of his absence doesn't last long.
caleb is at your door an hour later, wearing a pretty smug look on his face, like he was confident that you would cave in and let him in. you do.
you hold the door open and glance curiously at the plastic bags in each of his hands. "what's with the bags?" you ask. "that looks like more than just snacks."
he practically glows at your question, as if he was happy to explain himself. "i stopped by the grocery store," he chirps. "i got some ingredients for dinner. i'm makin' your favorite! no need to thank me~"
the dish caleb is talking about is one that requires tedious preparation and quite a bit of effort. it's a very particular dish that mc likes too. he only learned how to cook it when she begged him, and you remember being the taste tester while he was in the process of perfecting the recipe.
"who said you were staying for dinner?" you toss him a playfully skeptical glance, closing the front door behind him. "i dunno how i feel about you being here for that long," you joke.
his lips squish into a pout before he laughs, "don't be like that."
"i'm the best cook in the world," he boasts. "you should be honored to eat my food." he waits on you before walking more into your home, making his way to the kitchen like he lives here.
you walk in after him, snickering, "the best cook in the world, huh?" you cross your arms over your chest. "says who?"
"says mc." caleb replies within a heartbeat . "she always eats my food and never forgets to praise my skills." his eyes and lips are curled and confident.
"that's because you only make what she likes," you point out.
"nuh-uh." is his unconvincing rebuttal.
you roll your eyes and you leave the topic there, not interested in hearing whatever defense he might use next. either way, he'll bring up mc. it doesn't bother you much. not after all this time. it's more tiring than anything else, hearing the same thing over and over again. caleb is a broken record whenever she's involved.
"i need to get back to work." you say, pushing off of the doorframe you were leaning against.
"aww." he frowns, shifting around, facing you with his best set of puppy-dog eyes. "are you sure you can't hang out with me for a few more minutes?"
"don't push your luck," you retort, a warning wrapped around a smile.
"i'm all yours once i'm done with my work." you promise.
"really?" within an instant, a goofy smile dominates caleb's lips. he chuckles, "all mine?"
"all yours." more than you could ever know.
"i like the sound of that." he whispers, satisfied. he seems brighter than how he sounded on the phone.
"good." you throw him a fleeting smile and wave at him. "see you in a bit."
"don't keep me waiting for too long!" he waves back and watches you slip away.
you return to your office, willing yourself to forget about his existence in your home. it's difficult, but you manage, clearing him from your mind with a deep breath in and out.
once, twice— calm.
a practiced routine. one you wish to be without sometime in the near future.
loving caleb has taught you discipline and patience. after years of orbiting around him, you eventually found yourself being pulled towards something more. something bigger. kinder. happiness didn't have to start and end with him. it was all around.
and although it's hard to fully let go of the love you have for him, it's no longer an insatiable monster that controls you.
you can only hope someone will soon love you the way you love him.
setting those thoughts off to the side, neatly placed in a weary and worn box, you focus on your task at hand. your work requires many hours of your day and all of your attention, but once it's finished, you return to reality.
you had kept the door to your office open, mindful of the only other person living and breathing in your home. you heard him switch on the television just to have something to listen to, only to hear it shut off when the evening rolled around.
currently, you can hear clacking sounds in the kitchen, pots and pans being used and set aside left and right. he was definitely cooking up a storm— something that carved a smile onto your face. he always took cooking seriously. he had to if he wanted to win over mc, but you gradually came to realize, sometime down the line, how much he actually enjoys it.
caleb once told you how the process is similar to the mechanical builds he puts together in his spare time. pieces of this, pieces of that, all of it coming together into one finished product. he could tackle any recipe with that mindset.
"when did you come in?" he looks at you with lips worn wide.
"just now." you grab a spare kitchen towel from a cupboard and step up to him. he leans down, giving you the perfect opportunity to wipe the sweat off of his forehead.
"why are you cooking so many things?" you ask, your voice almost drowning in the sounds of the kitchen.
"why not?" he flashes you a grin.
"hmm." you gently dab the towel against his skin, and caleb lingers for a moment, his eyes sweeping over yours.
"i planned to make these dishes for mc," he says before straightening up. "just 'cause things didn't pan out with her doesn't mean i can't cook 'em for you, right?"
"right." you agree without even thinking. you don't need to. it's so much easier to just accept whatever he gave you, even if it wasn't originally yours to begin with.
you step up to the sink and wash your hands. "what can i help out with?"
caleb immediately shakes his head side to side. "no way am i gonna let you help with the food." he frowns, giving you a look.
"just leave this to me, pip—" he catches the silly nickname with a bite of his tongue and swallows it down. his little blunder spawns an awfully awkward silence.
"should i cut these vegetables?" you ask, ignoring what needs to be ignored. it's not like acknowledging his mistake would really do anything. it would only make things more embarrassing for both of you.
he inhales quietly and nods. "yeah. i already washed them, so…"
the air in the kitchen suddenly becomes harder to breathe. words gone unsaid, mistakes ignored. the heaviness wraps tight around you and caleb, refusing to let the moment fully pass.
this kind of thing happens quite a lot. playful banter with caleb reminds him too much of the girl his heart longs for, momentarily deluding himself into thinking that you're her.
it makes you wonder how he could ever possibly do that. you're not her, nor are you her replacement. you and mc are too different. it would be annoying if you weren't used to it.
"dummy." you pinch his waist gently.
"ouch!" he hisses, looking at you wide-eyed.
when your eyes meet, you give him a look that makes his breath hitch. then, he relaxes. whatever it is that hangs heavy in the air, it passes. you feel it fade away. you smile softly, pleased when he starts back up with another joke.
the preparations for dinner wrap up shortly after, and you and caleb enjoy all the delicious dishes he prepared— though he doesn't hesitate to tease you when he picks up an oddly-cut vegetable or two. he always finds a way to be annoying, and you can never find it in yourself to hate him for it.
sharing this kind of experience with caleb is special to you. it makes you question if this is what he's usually like with mc. it's domestic and peaceful. if he loved you, could you have this forever?
it's a nice thought, but that's all it is to you. a thought. an unreachable dream.
you could never yearn like he yearns. you've seen how he falls apart from it. his love is his greatest weakness. for someone so resilient, so confident, he becomes so small when facing mc. he yields, longing for something more, but refusing to fully grasp onto what he wants.
and in the middle of it is you, the calm after a storm, the one to pick up the pieces of caleb and tack it back on. you are his comfort, his reason. you are everything he needs after mc.
he may be using you, but you don't care. you're just glad to help. to be there for him as a friend.
"caleb." you sit down next to him on your couch, stomachs full from a hearty dinner. "you should probably leave now if you wanna catch the last train."
he frowns.
"why are you in such a hurry to kick me out?" caleb presses his shoulder against yours, his warmth and weight so inviting. "just let me be here with you," he murmurs.
carefully, your fingers slither and slot between his. "care to share what's on your mind?" you whisper, adopting a softer tone of voice made just for him.
"…" he slumps more against you, the sudden pressure throwing you off balance.
"heavy," you mumble, carefully holding a hand against him so you don't topple over.
he remains silent.
"caleb?"
he sighs, "it's just…" his free hand quickly rubs up and down his face. "mc cancelled on me today for someone else— even though we made plans last week."
"mhm." you nod, waiting to hear more.
"i'm proud of her, you know? for having friends and living her life, but sometimes… sometimes it feels like she's going someplace i can't reach." he groans. "do you think i'm an idiot for wanting to always be by her side?"
"i think you're an idiot for telling me all of this and not her." you retort.
"be serious," he huffs, frowning even more. he tilts his head to look at you, his eyes mixed up and the skin between his eyebrows crinkled.
"i am being serious." you squeeze his hand. "you should really try being honest with her, caleb."
"no." he quickly rejects the idea.
"it's not like i can just go up to her and say 'hey, i can't stand you being around other people.' or 'sometimes i seriously wanna lock you away so no one else can have you'— do you really think she'd want to hear any of that?"
you snort, "yeah, no."
caleb sits up straighter, the sound of your laughter brightening up his mood. he admires you for more than you would like. it makes your head grow warm.
you clear your throat of laughter. "…why are you looking at me like that?"
"oh, no reason." he grins, holding your hand tighter in his. "it's just that you're super cute when you laugh."
"ugh, stop." you push him away by the shoulder, cheeks flushed a faint red. it's embarrassing when he says these kinds of things because you used to take it the wrong way in the past.
"never." he pulls you closer with every inch you pull away from him.
"caleb, you— pfft." you can't hold onto your annoyance for long when he looks like a sly and stupid dog. "you're annoying!" your giggles return in full force.
emboldened by your lively reactions he wiggles his eyebrows as if to spur you on. he makes a few more dumb faces and pokes your sides before he's fully satisfied. he's drained you of laughter and energy, leaving you reduced to a boneless puddle on the couch.
a sweet, gentle kind of silence washes over you and caleb. for a few minutes, you both sit there, basking in each other's existence.
then, caleb suddenly says your name in a way that makes your heart do a little flip.
"hmm?" you respond, pretending to be unaffected by the sound of your name on his lips.
"thanks for lettin' me come over." he says after a heartbeat. "i really needed you today," he murmurs.
"i know." you plaster a soft smile across your face. "i'll always be here for you." you assure him. "promise."
he shakes his head, almost like he can't believe his luck. "you don't know how much that means to me."
"i am so lucky to have a friend like you."
you roll your eyes. "you owe it all to mc. she introduced us, didn't she?"
"yeah." he answers with a slow nod of his head. "i owe her a lot," he mumbles, a vague statement that leaves you wanting an explanation. although curious, you don't bother asking any questions. he seems too lost in thought to even acknowledge you right now.
caleb really is an oddity.
he's so complex, an endless sea of contradictions. the more layers you peel back, the more there was to peel. there was once a time when you wanted to get to the core of his existence, to understand him better than anyone else, but you were very quickly met with resistance.
the door to his heart remains locked to all but one person, and that person is not you.
"wait a moment." caleb latches his hand around your wrist. "where are you going?"
you turn, looking at him from over your shoulder. "where do you think i'm going?"
he blinks a few times.
"are you mad at me?" he quietly asks.
"well…" you glance at the mess of confetti sprinkled all over the floor, vaguely gesturing towards it. "you did scare me with that party popper just now."
he stutters, "i— i thought it would be a nice surprise." desperate to explain himself, he continues, "i finally finished fixing up the place and i wanted to welcome you home in a special way…" his voice fades into quiet mutters you can barely make out.
you interrupt him by turning around. seeing you face to face makes him freeze instantly.
"pipsqueak…"
"i don't like loud sudden noises." you admit in a small voice.
your eyes gradually dim and turn cloudy. like a memory is blurring your vision. you aren't in the present. instead, you're back at the house before it was rebuilt. at the scene of your home set ablaze, torn apart by an unforgiving and devastating explosion.
caleb's hands curl into fists.
"i'm sorry." he grip loosens on your wrist, but his warmth doesn't leave you for long.
his fingers slot into the spaces between your own, gently guiding your palm to rest flush against his. "i'm sorry, pipsqueak.”
you respond to him quickly, "it's okay." you squeeze his hand. "i'm not mad. not really.”
"but…"
"i was just gonna head over to the store to buy some ingredients for dinner." you chuckle.
"did you really think i was just gonna storm off?"
"you used to when we were kids…"
"key words being used to." you snort. "we're not kids anymore. i won't run away." smiling, you add, "especially not from you, caleb."
he's quiet for a moment, his gaze stuck the wooden floor. "but you kept trying to leave me in skyhaven—"
"caleb."
he shuts up.
you snicker behind your hand.
"anyways," you poke him while talking, "i'm gonna get the stuff for dinner and you—" you point to the mess. "you're gonna clean this up."
"what?" caleb's eyebrows furrow. he shakes his head vehemently. "i wanna go with you."
"no way."
"please!" he releases your hand and falls onto his knees. "please, pipsqueak, let me go with you!"
you stare at him like he's crazy. "what the heck is happening right now?"
he grips onto the sides of your pants. "i promise to clean up when we get back, okay? i just wanna be with you right now."
"caleb, you're freaking me out…"
"pleaaase." he lets your pants go and wraps his arms around your legs. “no more confetti and no more surprises. i'll be a good boy, so please take me with you—"
"okay! fine!" you exclaim, laughing at how ridiculous he's being. he's getting better at making you give into him.
what a sly dog.
"you can come with me, but you're not allowed to pay and you still have to clean your mess up." you pet his head, glancing down at him. "deal?"
"i can't pay…?" he pouts, nuzzling his face against your stomach. "you're evil, pip."
"then i guess i will go by myself."
"noo!" he shrieks, clinging to you. "you already said i can go with you— so i’m going.”
you roll your eyes, tugging lightly on his hair. "then get up already." you remove your hand from his head and pat him on the shoulders, urging him to stand.
"ouch…" he rubs the tingly spot on his scalp. you didn't pull too hard and it didn't really hurt. he just really likes seeing that flicker of worry in your eyes.
"quit being a drama queen." you huff. "let's make the trip quick. i'm starving."
"okaay, okaay." he trails behind you eagerly, making sure to lock the door on his way out.
"do you think i can get some things while we're there?" he grins, glowing in pure bliss. "i found this recipe i think you'd like."
"sure,” you nod, “but don't forget i'm paying."
"…" caleb casually turns his head to the side, subtly defiant.
he will probably get his way in the end. he knows you'll get mad, but he also knows you can't stay that way for long.
“whatever you’re planning, you better not do it.” you warn him.
his eyes widen. "whaat?" he can't help but smile through his words. "i'm not planning anything."
unconvinced, you narrow your eyes at him. he laughs it off and holds one of his hands on your lower back, encouraging you to walk just a bit faster. the sooner he makes you mad, the sooner he can make it up to you.
"we’re wastin’ time, pipsqueak," he says in an overly excited voice. "you're hungry, aren't you?"
"yeah, i am. we did some training today for an upcoming mission and…" you ramble on about your exhausting day at work, completely forgetting about caleb's suspicious behaviour.
perfect, he thinks, relieved that you are so easy to distract. he is absolutely not going to let you pay. not when he's around.
tags: angst, unhealthy relationship dynamic, unhealthy coping mechanisms (not drug or alcohol related), caleb is a little pathetic + begs towards the end, zayne and gideon make an appearance!
word count: 7.5k
summary: things have changed ever since caleb started dating someone else and you still struggle to fully accept it.
notes: part two of unlucky.
you hate crying.
it makes you feel small and hopeless, like a child that has long learned helplessness.
you avoid it as often as you can. you clench your fists when someone wrongs you, promise to prove yourself when doubted, and bite your tongue to bear through the pain of an injury. tears were rarely, if at all, present in those occasions.
it was caleb that assured you it was okay to cry. he said that crying didn't make you weak. it was normal. you believed him, but only ever cried when you were in his arms. no one else was allowed to see you in such a vulnerable state.
he was the exception. your safe haven. being the physical embodiment of comfort was something he took pride in because he would do anything for you. he promised you that much.
now, he doesn't even look your way.
too occupied with someone that doesn't know the half of him, he barely has the time to remember you. his existence brushed into every single thought you had, yet his thoughts went without any part of you. the place in his head and heart had been given to another.
twice you had lost him.
the explosion had taken him away from you. losing him was your worst nightmare, and those months without him were drab and endless. when he returned, he promised to never leave you again. he would be by your side forever.
but shortly after that, he was drawn to someone else.
for that person, he refused to meet you when you asked. when you had begged. he discarded the thought of you like something old and used. slowly, but surely, he stuffed memories you two once shared away in the attic, replacing the pieces of you with someone new.
maybe it was your fault.
you had grown complacent. arrogant, probably. you assumed that he would be forever yours. never did you think someone else would jeopardize everything that you and caleb were.
countless people have shown interest in him over the years and he rejected every single person that came his way. instead, he willingly dug his own heart out of his chest and stuffed it into the palm of your hands, like a dog wanting to play catch.
who knew he would rip it out of your grasp with the same exact excitement.
you will never forgive him.
where exactly are you supposed to put this bitterness?
"idiot…" you whisper. to who, you aren't sure. there isn't a single soul around to hear your lackluster little insult.
skyhaven is deathly quiet.
its people fell asleep quite some time ago. all that remained was the quiet hum of the underground keeping the island afloat and the slight breeze that occasionally stirred around you.
you didn't plan this trip. your visit was unexpected, nothing but an impulse driven by the thought of caleb. you longed for him after losing him.
sitting on the bench of a bus stop, you have only yourself and your thoughts.
what am i even doing here?
you aren't welcome in skyhaven. your home away from home now houses someone else. you have nothing. the more you think about it, the more your cheeks turn red with embarrassment.
"pipsqueak?" the familiar call of that nickname rings sharply in your ears.
as hateful as it sounds, you wish you hadn't heard that voice at all. shoulders squared, you refuse to look up— to acknowledge the man that left you behind.
"what are you doing here?" there's a hint of panic in every step the man takes to reach you.
within a few seconds, caleb stands right in front of your legs, looming over your tensed up figure. you can't see his face, but you don't need to in order to know what expression he currently wears. he is probably worried out of his mind, because as much as he hurts you, he still cares. he still loves you. he is still there.
he has just taken a new form.
or maybe it's that he returned to a shape you had forgotten forever ago.
"hey..." caleb rests his hands on the balls of your shoulders. his voice carries a sense of urgency that has you feeling a little restless.
"hey." he repeats, heavier and slightly breathless.
at that, you slowly lift your chin. tilting your head back, your eyes gradually find its way into deep pools of lavender, windows to a soul you could once describe in great detail.
caleb's face is faintly outlined by a faraway streetlight and bits of moonlight. his lips are pursed into a minor frown and, between his eyebrows, the skin is crinkled. his concern is transparent. suffocating.
your face flushes darker.
"what are you doing here?" caleb asks again. the question makes it obvious you aren't welcome.
"i—" your mouth snaps shut, killing off the words that threaten to spill out. all the words that swirl around endlessly in your head.
i missed you.
i wanted to see you.
i want to go home.
no. you couldn't say any of that. not after everything. those words no longer held the same meaning. it wouldn't bring your caleb back no matter how many times you said them.
the caleb you wanted was gone.
you were convinced he really did die in that explosion a year ago. if that were the case, then you hadn't lost him twice at all. this man was just a replica of your caleb.
yeah. that made so much more sense.
"i was dispatched here for an emergency mission." you focus on your lap, mindlessly picking at the torn fabric on your knees and thighs.
it’s not quite a lie. you just didn’t expect to stay in skyhaven for so long. you finished your job in the afternoon and could have returned to linkon, but you chose not to.
"a mission, huh?" caleb chuckles, trying to lighten the mood. his large hand pets you on your head like you're a child. "you really are holdin' your own, pipsqueak. i'm proud of you."
your stomach churns.
even if this caleb isn't real, he still has his voice and his playfulness. he sounds too much like the past. it feels wrong.
"yeah." you push his hand off. "thanks," you murmur.
he watches you stand up from the bench. the tension in the air is hard to breathe through, but neither of you mention it.
"do you have a place to sleep for the night?" caleb inspects your current state. he can't say he was happy about how beaten up you look. luckily, he doesn't spot any blood on you.
you nod and point in a certain direction. "i'm staying at that one hotel nearby," you inform him.
caleb glances in the direction you pointed, only to look back at you seconds later. his face is flat. there's a certain coldness dripping from his features. vaguely, you get the sense that he's mad.
"you're not staying at some random hotel." his large hand latches onto one of your wrists, his grip similar to handcuffs on a criminal.
"come stay at my place," he suggests. his voice is a whisper whisked away by a sudden gust of wind. you almost miss it.
the corners of your lips twitch downwards.
"it's okay—"
"it's not." he squeezes you tight, making you sigh.
a peek at his face tells you everything you need to know. he is more worried about you than anything else. the anxiousness that had once been placated by his girlfriend has awoken stronger than ever before.
and you were the root of it. you always were. that fact should make you happy. you should feel like you're on top of the world— but you don't feel a thing.
"okay." with a certain amount of clumsiness, you are somehow able to shake him off. "it'll only be for tonight." you say, rubbing your red wrists. his palm was hot. your skin throbbed and ached in the aftermath, scalded by his touch.
despite the oddities on display, he peers down at you with terribly warm eyes. "you can stay for as long as you need, pipsqueak."
you smile wryly.
not too long ago, you hung off of every word he said. you believed in his words as if they were some sort of prophecy. as if he was a god and you were his sole believer.
that was no longer the case these days.
only a fool would cling to a god that has abandoned them.
"thank you."
neither of your smiles reach your eyes.
arriving at caleb's apartment, you realize one thing.
it feels fuller. lived in. inflated with love.
there are traces of someone you could never know. a pair of lovely shoes at the front, house slippers with a pattern you don't like, a blanket on the couch that doesn't belong to you, pictures on the walls featuring a happy couple… it was endless.
you could only look away.
now, more than ever, you were convinced that this man wasn't caleb. whatever version of caleb that returned from the dead wasn't yours.
"here." caleb hands you some clothes. a full set of your own that you left behind a while ago.
"go wash up while i make you somethin' warm to drink, yeah?" his boyish smile warps his words.
your voice quiets into a whisper. "thank you."
the state of caleb's bathroom is the same as it is everywhere else. clean and with hints of another person. it doesn't bother you anymore.
you wash it all off. sweat, grime, the ache of a hard battle. the layers gradually melt away. by the end of it, you feel so refreshed that you're positive the hot water rinsed off the remnants of your grief, too.
"lookin' squeaky clean, pipsqueak." caleb chuckles when you walk into the kitchen. he has a mug held in each hand.
you slip into the chair at the island top and acknowledge him with minimal effort. he doesn't mention your quiet. after handing you one of the mugs in his hands, he sits down across from you.
neither of you speak.
your attention instead falls on the steaming liquid in your cup.
the drink reminds you of those late nights at gran's. the nights where you would wake up and head to the kitchen for a cup of water. sometimes, caleb would be there, sitting at the table in the dark. you always got scared seeing him there, but after getting over the minor jump scare, you would slide into the seat across from him. he seemed to need some company. in response, he would prepare your favorite hot drink as if to thank you for your company.
those small but unforgettable moments remain inside of you, cradled close to your heart.
you miss those days with your caleb. the days where you held his hand without any reason and without shame. days where the skin on your cheeks were red not from the sweltering summer's sun, but thanks to something sweeter and more secret. things left unsaid but unforgotten. fleeting smiles and infectious laughter.
all things undoubtedly tied to caleb. not exactly the caleb in front of you, but the one you lost.
"pip?" caleb's voice rips you out of your head. the memories fade away and you settle back into reality.
it seems caleb was watching over you this entire time. not once did he call out to you. you weren't all there. you faded away right before his eyes and it made him uneasy.
"hm?" you hum, your gaze slowly connecting with his.
his breath hitches.
"are you…" he hesitates, but still asks, "are you okay?"
his question is loaded. it's heavy and you're afraid to approach an answer that may not fully encapsulate its meaning. but as you sit here, in a hollowed out world, you realize that it doesn't matter.
there's no need to carefully pick and choose with caleb. not this one, at least.
so, you smile.
"i'm okay." you finally respond, sincerity speckled in your eyes like the soundless night stars closest to skyhaven.
it's true. you are okay.
"i'm tired." you push up from your stool, your cup still piping hot and full to the brim.
"your drink…"
you shake your head. "thank you," you say— again, because it's the only thing you could say to him at this point.
all you had to offer him was gratitude without a name attached to it. you could no longer call for him.
"i'm going to bed." you give him a halfhearted smile. "goodnight."
he watches you go. quiet. defeated, obviously.
you walk past the room he gave you a while ago. it no longer belongs to you.
passing it, you make your way towards the guest room at the end of the hall and enter it with a content kind of acceptance.
it's okay.
the caleb you remember was always consistent.
he laughed and smiled the same. he repeated jokes, nicknames, words of encouragement, and more. he never really changed. that was one reason you adored him so much.
caleb was constantly right there by your side.
witnessing him pull away from you, effectively breaking all of his promises— it was crystal clear to you that this caleb was a fake. your caleb always fulfilled his promises. even at the cost of an arm or a leg.
that's what made him stand out in the crowd of people that made themselves a part of your life. he swore loyalty more than anyone else. cared more than he probably should have. you never needed to ask for anything because caleb would always somehow already know.
you will make the caleb in your memories proud. you'll succeed in your own life and carry him with you forever, wearing the thought of your caleb like a badge of honor. it's the least you can do.
and while the version of caleb you deny might still be alive, you won't meddle with his happiness. he deserves that much, too.
"oh, hey." you startle at the voice behind you.
turning around, you're relieved to find yourself face to face with gideon.
"you're here too?" you wait for him to join you in front of the tombstones.
gideon chuckles dryly, "yeah. everyone already made their rounds. had to do the same to keep up the ruse, y'know?"
you nod slowly, completely understanding where he's coming from.
caleb is still legally dead to the world. his former friends and colleagues aren't aware that he escaped death. he hasn't told anyone and you aren't sure he ever will.
there was once a time when you wanted, more than anything, to know why. why did he return with so many secrets? why did it feel like he was missing so many pieces of himself?
you wanted to pry the answers out of him, but now it isn't important. none of it matters. it makes you feel so much better to think that way.
"you don't look so good." gideon speaks quietly, his tone wrapped in concern. he bumps against your shoulders. "why don't you sit back and relax?" he gives you a grin and gestures to the gravestones. "i'll handle the cleaning."
you don't reject his offer, but you also don't want to trouble him with too much work. you stand nearby with a garbage bag in hand, silent as he stuffs wilted flowers, dead leaves, and random pieces of trash into it. once the bag is so full it's bulging, he robs it from you.
"wait, i'll throw it away—"
"no way." he snorts. "i'm gonna take a break and toss this. you can handle the rest of the clean up, can't you?" he points back to the stone with his thumb.
"but there's nothing left to clean…" you mumble, frowning.
"then make it look pretty. i'm sure your grandma would've loved the flowers you brought over."
taking in a deep breath, you smile. "okay."
gideon smiles back. "i'll take my sweet ole time," he says, "so if you need to cry, go ahead and let it all out."
"i won't cry!" you huff, smacking his arm.
"ouch!" gideon laughs, eyes crinkled.
a gust of wind rushes between you and him, the gentle whistles mixing into his laughter. gideon and caleb are somewhat alike, you notice. the beat of their laughs are similar.
they also share that same sense of boyishness, bantering with their friends like they're five and laughing until their sides hurt. the way they look at the skies with the same starry eyes is the same too. you can see pieces of caleb in gideon.
but it's different.
gideon isn't caleb.
no one can ever be him.
"i'll be back." gideon says once his laughter wears off. "we're still on for brunch with the others, yeah?"
"yeah." you wave to him. "see you in a bit."
"see ya." he ruffles your hair into a mess before running off, leaving you to fume and glare at his retreating figure. once he's just out of sight, however, you find yourself smiling.
it's nice having a friend in gideon. he reminds you of simpler times and you genuinely like having him around. you two met because of caleb, bonded through the loss of him, and carry the weight of his secret together. there is no better partner in crime than gideon.
"really, gran…" you trace the letters engraved onto stone. "just what kind of troublesome boy did you raise?" you joke, barely smiling.
at that moment, a certain voice bleeds into the sound of swaying leaves. "you're badmouthing me to gran after all this time?"
your heart stutters.
unhurriedly, you turn around.
"hi." the tender expression on your face drifts into something more polite.
"hi." caleb echoes.
his arms are full of flowers. two bouquets. one is obviously for gran. you're not curious about the other one.
"would'ya look at that." he glances back at the gravestones. "you really went all out on the cleaning." caleb plants himself beside you. "didn't even have to bribe you this time," he laughs.
you're quiet again. he has noticed that about you lately. it's unnerving, but he knows it's only temporary. everything is bound to return to normal in due time.
"these—" caleb stands up after fixing the flowers onto gran's grave. he holds out the other bouquet to you. "these are for you. all your favorites." he smiles softly, a hint of anticipation hidden in his gaze.
"no need to thank me," he chuckles, waiting eagerly for you to accept his hand of flowers.
you freeze in place, eyeing the beautiful bundle of flowers.
it felt a little weird recieving something from him. ever since he started dating his girlfriend, he stopped buying things for you. his girlfriend was uncomfortable with how much he spoiled you. obviously, he would do anything to keep his partner happy. even if that meant hurting you.
she probably only allowed it for today.
you should be happy, but you can't say you are. the gesture just feels… empty.
regardless, you take the bouquet into your own hands. "thanks."
"anytime…" his voice fades into a whisper towards the end, startled by how you unexpectedly turn to the gravestone with his name on it.
wordlessly, you begin to decorate the area with the flowers you had just received.
caleb doesn't say anything. it's less that he doesn't mind and more that he's shocked.
he can't fully grasp your new behavior.
why are you mourning him when he is right here?
"pipsqueak…" his gaze follows every movement of your hands. when he glances at your face for any chance of understanding, his heart drops into the pit of his stomach.
your face is cold, void of emotion, as if you're at your lowest low. he knows that look well because it's haunted him more times than he could think.
the look on your face means you are in desperate need of a hand to hold. someone needs to guide you out of a dark place and hold you down, hug you close.
who else would do that but him?
"hey, come on…" with shaky hands, he presses a palm to steady you on your back. "why are you acting like this—"
you startle at the sickening heat of his hand. losing your balance, your knees drop to the ground, ripping a pained hiss out of you.
caleb gasps, "i’m so sorry.”
“are you hurt anywhere?”
you push him away when he reaches out to help. "i'm fine." you mumble, getting back onto your feet.
your knees ache, but the dull pain pales in comparison to the uncomfortable sensation that lingers on your back.
his touch didn't feel right at all. it left you physically sick and a little afraid. it was as if a ghost had somehow managed to touch you.
you sigh, your eyelids drooping as exhaustion pours into you slowly. he longs to question you. you're unwell. that much is obvious. if this were the past, he would do anything to solve your problems for you. he lived off of providing for you.
up until recently, that is.
his life no longer clings to your existence like a parasite. he found someone to live with and not for. it costed him you, but he was happy.
still, he can't help but wonder… is this really what happiness is supposed to feel like?
it feels like death.
"i…" unconsciously, his hand stretches out in your direction.
before he could say another word, he sees a light swirl around in your eyes.
you breathe out in relief, "gideon…"
gideon awkwardly steps between you and caleb. "hey, guys." he glances at caleb before focusing on you. "everything okay?"
"mhm." your shoulders relax.
you grab onto the hem of gideon's jacket without even thinking, worried you might float off someplace dark again.
"caleb brought flowers to his own grave," you mumble. it's not a joke, but saying it out loud makes it sound like one.
"seriously?" gideon raises an eyebrow at his friend and former colleague. "you really are a weird one, man."
caleb smiles in response. half heartedly and with mild discomfort.
"like you're any less weird," he jokes back.
they banter for a few minutes. it takes you back to the past. everything feels a little more right in this brief moment.
"a few of the guys invited us out for lunch." gideon informs him after the two had calmed down. he has a hand on your upper back, steadying you in a way he's seen caleb do countless times before. it may not be the same, but you still appreciate the gesture.
"you're free to tag along if you're finally ready to tell everyone about how you didn't actually die and stuff."
caleb shakes his head quickly. "no, it's alright." he halves a smile. "now isn't the right time."
"plus, i kinda wanna have a chat with gran." he gestures back towards one of the graves. "we have a lot to talk about, y'know?"
"yeah, of course." gideon pats him on the shoulder. "i totally get it, man."
"thanks."
caleb turns to you. "why don't you stay and keep me company?" he suggests, grinning widely. "we can get gran caught up on everything."
your mouth opens, a response quick to form on the tip of your tongue, only for it to disappear without a trace. you inch closer to gideon, blinking away from caleb's hopeful expression.
"i promised to go with gideon." your fingers clench tight on the edge of gideon's jacket. "your friends wanted to see old pictures and videos of you…"
"you don't have to do all that." caleb leans over to the side, doing anything to get a better look at your face. "the others will understand. i promise."
your eyebrows furrow. "no." you respond, shaking your head. "i want to be there with them."
"they don't know that you're alive and they still very much miss you," you say. "and every week, they call and text me— worried about how i'm doing without you." you firmly say, "i need to go."
caleb flinches at the weight of your words. he falls quiet and shifts awkwardly, then exhales.
"you're right." he averts his gaze and rubs the back of his neck. "they've taken good care of you. i'll have to thank them when i can."
you frown deeply.
"that's not the point," you snap. a sorry mix of embarrassment and anger twists your features.
he doesn't get it. as intelligent as he is, caleb always seems to miss the mark on things that involve himself. he is constantly oblivious to how meaningful and unforgettable he is.
taking in a deep breath, you decide against trying to convince him of a fact everyone else seems to know. it isn't worth it. you need to leave. now.
"i'm going." you say, determined, your words absolute.
"let's…" you wet your throat with an awkward gulp, lips curved into a fragile smile. "let's visit gran together some other time."
caleb blinks a few times, the lights in his eyes fading away. "yeah." he matches the strained look strewn across your face.
somewhere, somehow, you hear the foundation of your bond finally crumble into pieces. it was a long time coming.
"welp… we should get going." gideon cuts in, holding out his hand towards you. "c'mon, cupcake. i'm sure you're starving after all that cleaning you definitely did."
your mouth quirks into a tiny grin. "mhm." you slip your hand into his, instinctively comparing the callouses on his hands to the ones on caleb's.
after tearing away from your thoughts, you glance over your shoulder. you hesitate for a moment, then speak. "bye, caleb."
he seems unable to respond right away. only when a gust of wind intrusively splashes into his face does he realize that you were waiting on him.
"see you later, pipsqueak."
you turn around and grip onto gideon as if he were your lifeline. he gets it. gideon squeezes your hand back with great care. not enough to hurt, but enough to ground you.
your thoughts play on repeat as you walk away. you force yourself to listen.
don't look back, don't look back.
caleb
are you free today? i'm in linkon today with my girlfriend. i was thinking about properly introducing you two if that's okay :)
you
i'd love to meet her but i'm in snowcrest all this week for work. maybe next time?
you lock your phone without waiting for a reply and switch it to silent before stuffing it into the pocket of your coat, breathing out in one big huff. your breath forms misty, shapeless clouds in front of your face. the artic is always much colder around this time and it does not pair well with the faint, ever-present ache in your chest.
"you're unwell," zayne states, his voice sounding from right in front of you. behind his glasses are a set of calm eyes with hints of genuine concern.
you smile lightly. "is it that obvious?"
"very much so."
his pale, scarred hands lift to the scarf slipping off your shoulders. he adjusts the fabric, wrapping it tight enough to provide you with the warmth it should. your eyelids droop, comforted by his gesture.
"from what i have seen, your current state seems to have started around the time caleb began seeing his partner." his fingers lightly brush against your cheeks as he tidies up some stray strands of hair. "i understand you would rather me not mention it, but your relationship with caleb has always been quite… unusual."
zayne pauses for a second, waiting for your reaction, because this topic has always been a sensitive one.
you barely react and instead lift your head up to meet his gaze.
he holds you by the side of your face, your cheek warm in the palm of his hand. he is not an expressive man by any means, but even you can read what currently rests on his face. he appears more worried than when you show up at akso with wanderer-related injuries.
"it isn't healthy to put so much of yourself into someone else," zayne says in a hum that dips into a whisper. "especially not when it is so obviously destructive."
you nibble on your bottom lip, the skin of your cheeks gradually turning red.
he thumbs your flushed cheek. "i am not saying these things to criticize or shame you." he picks his words carefully and says them with even more caution, "you are more than whatever it is that binds you to caleb."
"you and i both know that," he whispers, "so why do you linger?"
your hands clench by your sides. he doesn't understand. no one ever will and you won't blame them for that. especially not zayne. you can't lay your anger out on him just because you have nowhere else to put it. so you will it away.
"i don't know." you mask your weariness behind curled eyes and a strained smile.
"i have known caleb all my life." wistfully, your focus shifts to the sky. the clear, vibrant blue sky that follows you no matter where you go. caleb used to do the exact same thing.
"if there is anyone in this world i want to be with forever, it would be caleb."
"i already lost him once, so i was more than happy when he returned, but—" you stutter through your words, "when he decided on someone else and left me behind again…"
"i would rather pretend he's dead." your vision flashes with something red. the tone of your voice drips with scalding resentment.
"you…"
you cut zayne off, sniffling. "it's okay."
"it's easier mourning for a dead man." you’re calmer now. "i've done it before and i can do it again."
you weren't answering caleb's calls or any of his texts.
have you return to linkon safely? why weren't you contacting him?
the last time he saw you was at his and gran's grave. you had willingly walked away from him, standing beside gideon— another man. it was a sight that left him with a twisted up stomach.
you were always the one that walked away first. sometimes, he would watch you go, and other times he would hurry off in the other direction. if you were to look back at him once, he would look back at you two times. it always brought the sweetest giggles out of you whenever you caught him staring.
those were the days when walking away meant seeing each other tomorrow.
that was now no longer the case.
even if you two were to lead completely different lives, could you and him really leave behind the past you two shared? the memories had formed a bond that was once unbreakable. he couldn't understand how it shattered under the slightest bit of pressure.
he misses you. he misses you so much.
after thinking on it for days, the monitors in his hidden room had finally turned back on. his first time seeing your face after many weeks was on one of the screens.
the security cameras of your apartment complex caught you stumbling in through the front. his entire body tensed up at the sight. you looked so exhausted. he almost dropped everything right then and there so he could rush to help you.
but he didn't.
like a coward, he remained in the seat of a viewer, watching through hallway cameras as you painstakingly walked yourself home. everything inside of him screamed for you. the part of him that he had sworn into silence was creeping it's way back out. he could barely stand it.
he was starting to believe that he had made a huge mistake. he tried to deny it. tried, with great effort, to convince himself that this was for the best. he was happy, and you were bound to find happiness of your own sometime soon.
you are already loved by so many. it was only a matter of time before someone special whisked you away.
he just didn't want to see you walk away first, so he needed to leave you behind.
fortunately for him, he had met someone who he had very quickly connected with. it was so sudden and so new. he never really had time to take a step back and think about the bigger picture.
if someone were to ask him if he saw a future with his girlfriend, he would say yes. he would gladly build a life with her. it would be an honor to stand beside such a wonderful woman.
they talked about it a few times. not with seriousness, but in a dreamy tone during those lazy mornings in bed. a large two story house in skyhaven, two kids and a dog, a long and successful career. that was the picture they shared. the life they envisioned together.
but if you were to stand at the doorstep of his well-lived in home and asked him to leave, he would do so within a heartbeat.
to be with you was instinctual. built into him. he thought, for a brief moment, that he could ignore it. he has never been more wrong in his life.
he was wrong to leave you.
he needed you above anyone else and if he wanted to return to your side, he has to face the music.
without tying up loose ends, and without speaking to his girlfriend, he impulsively made his way back to you on a breezy spring morning. the asiatic apple trees have yet to bloom, yet their scent reigned supreme over the other grassy, fresh smell of newly bloomed flowers. it reminded him of home. not the home he made in skyhaven, but the home you once shared with him.
he was only minutes into reminiscing when he saw you sitting at a table outside of a cafe.
his plan was going smoothly.
he knew you would be off from work and made sure not to text or call you. you would probably come up with some random excuse again, or ignore him entirely. he couldn't take any chances. not anymore.
you were so close to phasing out of his life entirely.
he absolutely would not allow that to happen.
"hey there, pipsqueak." he says as he sits down in front of you. he wears his playfulness both on his face and in his voice, but it's painfully awkward.
still, he continues, "didn't think i'd run into you here." he chuckles after talking, hoping that this will set the mood for the conversation he wants to have with you.
your eyes widen slightly. you're definitely surprised to see him, but that's it. there's no gasp between a smile or laughter filled with joy and disbelief. nothing.
you give him nothing.
he swallows. "pipsqueak..?" he pokes for some sort of verbal response.
you stare at him as if he was transparent.
"why?" you ask, though only out of obligation.
"why are you in linkon?"
caleb clears his throat.
"i took a short vacation and i was kinda hopin' to spend it with you." he says.
you frown instantly.
"i don’t—
interrupting you, he hurriedly announces, "i rebuilt the house." he fumbles in place, adding, "i just need help moving all the furniture and stuff around."
for a brief second, he sees the old you flicker back into existence. the you that was so unabashedly yourself, selfish and spoiled, all thanks to his years of dedication. years of putting you first, propping you up, and watching you grow. you were there, but only within a blink.
it's a second later that the briefest glimpse of your past self vanishes without a trace. what remains is the person he hurt most in this chaotic world.
caleb is hesitant to say what came easily in the past, but he persists. "let's go home, pipsqueak."
you take in a deep breath, your gaze fluttering downwards before flitting back up to meet his eyes.
"alright," you whisper. “let’s go.”
your response brings a big smile onto his face. "you won't regret this." he speaks in a sing-song tone of voice, "we're gonna have so much fun moving everything back into place. it'll be like putting together a puzzle."
halfway through his words, he notices you fade into your thoughts. you always do that at the most random times, but it's happened more frequently as of late. mostly when you two are alone together.
leaving the cafe, caleb guides you down a path you have known all your life. you come to life the closer you get to the old home.
you're shocked to see an exact replica of the house that blew up years ago. nostalgia tickles your heart silly, bringing a big smile up to your face.
"here you are." caleb hands you a set of keys with a green apple charm attached to its ring.
you reach for the key, but don't take it, stopping yourself halfway through. though this house may outwardly resemble your home, the inside could be different. caleb could have completely redecorated the place and made it a little home for two.
"pipsqueak, please." he nearly begs, taking your hand and stuffing the keys into it. "this is your home too. it always will be."
"but…" your eyes waver. "if someone else is also here—"
"no." he firmly cuts in. "no one else is allowed in our home. only you and me."
you mumble something he can't quite hear.
"what was that, pipsqueak?"
you say, softly but more heard, "and gran."
he blinks a few times until it clicks.
"you're right," he chuckles, petting you on your head. "the only people allowed in this house are you, me, and gran."
with the only other set of keys secured in your pocket, caleb unlocks the front door with the code.
ILIKECALEBTHEMOST
you don't bother commenting on the code.
"what d'ya think?" he holds the door open and lets you walk in first. he follows close behind you after locking it shut.
"it's pretty empty…." you hum, secretly impressed by how he got the layout completely correct. there isn't a single wall that is misplaced
"that's where you come in," he excitedly replies. "you gotta help me get everything back into its place." he guides you to the living room, beaming at how well you’re taking this.
the only furniture in the living room is a couch in the same style and color as the one from your memories. gran loved that couch so much and refused to get rid of it regardless of its sorry state.
you sit down on it, a little disappointmented by how new it feels. of course it's new. nothing survived the explosion except caleb.
as if on cue, caleb chuckles from beside you, amused by how easily you returned to the clouds. the sound successfully pulls you back down.
"i wanted to show you this surprise a lot earlier." his lips wobble into a weird curve. "a lot of things happened and i guess we just kept missing each other, huh?"
"mhm." you focus on your lap.
"pipsqueak…" noticing your attempt to disconnect, he carefully takes you by the wrist.
"c'mon, don't do that." he sighs.
your eyebrows furrow, eyes snapping back towards him. "do what?" your tone is sharp. it's a challenge. if he responds with the same energy, it'll cause a fight.
and he isn't looking for a fight right now.
"i have known you all your life, pips." his free hand slips under face. he props your chin up atop his curled index finger. "you're obviously upset with me," he sighs, "you've been avoiding me like crazy."
your lips curve downwards. "so?"
"sooo." he playfully draws out his word, then continues, "you have to let me help you. i would do anything to make you happy. you know that."
"i don't." you brush his hands away, shivering slightly at the residual warmth left on your skin. "i don't know what you would or wouldn't do for me. you're never here anymore, caleb. not for me."
"pip..." his expression twists into a blend of discomfort and guilt.
you ruthlessly continue, "we never talk anymore. when we do, it's only ever about your girlfriend. your new life." you sneer. "it's like you don't even care about me anymore."
"no, no, no— " he hurriedly chimes in, "that isn't true at all. not one bit."
you shake your head sadly. "that's what it feels like, caleb." you mumble, "you left me behind when i had just gotten you back. you didn't even give me enough time to celebrate before you left for someone else." you blink rapidly, trying your absolute best not to let any tears spill.
he had lost the right to see you that vulnerable.
"you jerk." you huff, rubbing at your moist eyes, frowning so deeply it tears at your dried lips.
"you broke so many of your promises."
caleb inhales quietly. "i know…" he says, his voice shaking. "i really hurt you, didn't i?"
you glare at him and then slump into the back of the couch. you've run out of energy to care. this conversation really took a lot out of you.
"i'll make it up to you." he says with a desperation he is familiar with. "i'm gonna fix everything, pipsqueak."
you shake your head. "it's okay." you yawn. "i'm over it. probably."
"what… do you mean?"
"i mean," you shrug, "i don't care anymore. at least you're happy."
"no…" he croaks. "i miss the way we were before." shifting closer to you, he makes an attempt to look you in the eyes.
you avoid his gaze.
"i don't like how everything has changed between us," he murmurs.
you laugh, bitterly, "you're the one that said change was good."
his mouth shuts at your retort. he breathes in deeply with fists clenched at his sides.
"i was wrong." he whispers, "so damn wrong."
"i'm begging you." he says after swallowing what little was left of his pride. "let's go back to normal."
"i promise i'll break up with my girlfriend and see you whenever you want." he brings one of your hands up to his face and nuzzles into your palm. "i'll take care of you just how i always have, give you whatever you want, do whatever you say— just…"
"please let me make it up to you." his lips brush against your skin. "please…"
his pathetic display garners no sympathy from you. he watches, devastated, as your head leisurely turns the other way, effectively tuning him out. out of sight, out of mind.
he continues to cling to you, but you are no longer there.
a few ways down the sidewalk, caleb spots you laughing with an elderly woman. you're radiant. he hasn't seen you so vibrant in a while.
he doesn't approach you. not yet. you always seem happier without him around. he could live off of just watching you through the screen if he didn't constantly crave to be physically with you.
"thanks for the help, sweetie." the elderly woman rewards you with a handful of miscellaneous candies. a few have strawberry wrappings and the others are wrapped in gold and silver.
you smile at her freely.
"it was no problem, ma'am." you respond. "thank you for the candies."
"of course, dearie." the elderly woman waves in goodbye. "do be sure not to stay out for long. it is far too hot out today."
you wave back at her. "please get home safely!"
when the elderly woman's figure fades into the distance, you turn around. you had noticed caleb earlier. he isn't quite as subtle as he once was. or maybe he wanted to be seen. you don’t know, nor do you care.
"you're here early." you comment, smiling not at him, but through him.
"i didn't want to keep you waiting." one side of his mouth rises. "that sweet old lady was right. today is pretty hot."
you hum, acknowledging his words while you rummage through your pocket.
stepping up to him, you hold out an item in your hand, returning it to him. "here."
it's the second set of house keys.
the green apple charm and its silly cartoon face is mocking him right now.
"i'm giving this back."
his face falls flat, his stomach twisting and turning.
"why?" he asks. "it's our home."
you shake your head. "the home i remember is gone." you murmur. "i think it would be better to move on."
"it's time to stop living in the past."
your last sentence is a slap to his face.
he wants, so badly, to say something in response. to reassure you that having the house rebuilt was meant to help you both move forward with it. he wanted to grow with you, not apart.
"okay." he finally takes the keys back with a forced smile.
if this denial gets him somewhere with you, anywhere at all, then he will take this as an opportunity. in the spaces between your rejection and avoidance, he will build everything back up from scratch.
"i'll give it back to you whenever you want, alright?" he carefully drops the keys into his pocket. it jingles against his own set, crisp and grating.
"oh, don't worry." your eyes lift up to the sky and away from him. "i won't," you say like it's predetermined.
caleb kisses her the same way he used to kiss you.
softly and with relief. as if he had finally made it home.
it was almost sickening to watch because the spot by his side had once been rightfully yours. years of trial and error, the mockery and disrespect shown to you by his family— none of it managed to tear you and caleb apart. it only strengthened the love you two shared.
it was you and him against the world.
until, one day, fate stepped in.
caleb's aircraft had gone missing during a mission in the deepspace tunnel. many attempts were made to relocate him, but it was days of failure. days of speaking with officials with bated breath. days of sleepless nights spent hoping and praying for him to come home.
they finally managed to track him down nearly a week after he went missing.
when caleb returned from a close brush with death, he came back as someone entirely new. no longer was he warm and comforting, bright and ever-present like the sun. no, he had returned broken. lost in a reality he couldn't fully remember.
you will never forget the day he returned. the day everything changed.
you had dropped everything upon hearing the news and stumbled into his hospital room. you were a mess of uncontrollable sobs and his name was a constant between all the tears and hiccups. relieved was too little of a word to describe how you felt seeing him again. he was home.
but he stared at you as if you were a stranger.
"who…" his voice was raspy, torn with a mix of confusion and discomfort.
"who are you?"
it was that simple question that ruined everything. the thread that connected you to caleb had finally snapped. your caleb had died at that very moment, and left behind was the shell of a man you once loved more than anything else.
his family had kicked you out of the room once they realized he had no recollection of you. they were most eager to do so. as hard as you tried, you never managed to win them over.
so, left with no other choice, you slowly withdrew from his orbit. he remembered his grandmother and sister— even his colleagues at the aviation administration, but not you. not even the tiniest part of you remained in him.
tags: angst, established relationship, reader referred to as "boss lady"
word count: 4k
summary: you decide that you no longer wish to stand between sylus and miss hunter.
you deserve better.
that thought came to you in a dream, a quiet whisper that wrapped around you right and warm. it was the answer to all your doubts. every instance that left you feeling small, belittled, and insecure finally meant something. it led you to a path you knew only you could take.
you had to leave. all the struggling, the desire for more, it wasn't worth the misery this man brought upon you. you were better than this. you were better than the leftovers he gave you.
"i bought this emerald specifically for you."
he had purchased a vibrant ruby necklace for her on the same day at the same shop. she had worn it the very next time you saw her, hanging from her neck like a gold medal. from what little you saw of it, its luster was unsettlingly similar to his eyes.
"buy anything you want, sweetheart. it's all yours."
he was at this exact shop with her just a few days ago. the shelves were near empty and it was still recovering from her last shopping spree. the entire staff seemed nervous about how little they had to offer you.
"come here, sweetie. try a taste of this wine. i'm sure you'll like it."
the bottle was half empty. he had spent an afternoon with her, chatting over wine in a room that held no one else but them. you knew for a fact that she was passed out drunk in the room he only recently furnished for her sake.
those moments were not far and few between. it was a constant. a curse.
you were tired of being a ghost in your own relationship. it was obvious you had become nothing but a chore to him. something like a cog in the machine, maybe. you were no longer something whole and he made you that way. he had weakened your resistance and rounded your instincts.
growing up in the n109 zone, you knew better than to linger in the eye of danger. the longer this went on, the longer you lost yourself. it was beyond you how it got this bad. you thought you were smart enough to avoid getting involved in something like this, but you thought wrong. his love had blinded you.
now, you're stuck standing a few feet away from your partner, watching as he looks at another woman as if she planted every single flower in his blossoming garden.
"what's wrong, boss lady?" one of the twins ask, nudging you back to reality.
you smile, turning away from the sight of sylus in order to give luke your full attention. "i'm just doing a little thinking," you say with a cryptic glint in your eyes.
luke folds his arms. "a little thinking? yeah right," he huffs, unconvinced.
he looks out towards his boss, taking in the current events. "it's not like that, y'know." he murmurs. "boss-man and miss hunter— they're strictly business."
his reassurance makes your face hot. you appreciate his concerns, but you're mortified to have been read like an open book. from someone younger, no less.
really— just what has loving sylus reduced you to?
"i know," you say after swallowing the knot in your throat.
you lean against his shoulder, sighing loudly. "thanks for caring, luke. i promise everything is okay."
"are you sure..?" he leans into you as well. "because you've been real quiet lately."
"i'm okay." you stand up straight with a chuckle. "you have nothing to worry about. just keep being a little cutie-pie for me."
"euugh, there you go again…" luke shifts away from you, cringing exageratedly. "you're nuts, lady!"
you laugh, probably for the first time in a while, and it feels great. there's a weight missing from your shoulders. now that you know what to do and which path to take, you won't hesitate.
but… what if you took your time with it?
you have the world at your fingertips right now. all the money in the world, jewels that you will never see again, the ability to go anywhere you desire. it was all at your disposal.
is it wrong to take advantage of what you have while it's still yours?
who knows. whether it's right or wrong wont stop you.
"i'm thinking about taking a vacation." you announce after making up your mind. your voice is muffled under the sound of machinery and laughter from miss hunter. the moment is still yours, however, because all eyes have suddenly fallen onto you.
"a vacation?!" luke exclaims in shock. "where is this coming from?!"
his brother appears out of nowhere, occupying the vacant spot on your other side. "hey, what's this i hear about a vacation?" kieran asks.
before you could answer, your eyes get caught on the crimson glow of sylus' gaze from afar. he probably heard everything.
"i wanna go on a trip," you respond, tearing your attention away from sylus. it was a delayed process, but you manage. this will be your first win of many soon to come.
"i haven't been anywhere but the n109 zone and linkon city. it'd be nice to get out and explore." your attention flits between both boys. "what do you think? not a bad idea, right?"
"how are we supposed to live without you, boss lady?" luke shrieks. he latches onto one of your hands in a panic, spouting some more nonsense that you clearly don't take too seriously.
"now that i think about it… it is kinda weird." kieran says amidst his twin's nonstop crying. "you're a workaholic to the max, boss lady. i can't believe you're finally deciding to take a break on your own."
you chuckle, "what can i say? seeing you boys laze around all the time has inspired me."
"it would seem like the twins have rubbed off on you in the worst possible way." you hear sylus say as he slowly approaches you.
the soles of his shoes come to a halt with one final click atop metallic floors. he stands in front of you and the twins, brushing them off in order to be the only one within your line of sight.
his lips are curled on one side, confident in a lazy way. "do you really intend to go on a trip without me?"
there's a tense beat of silence before you respond, "i do."
you peer up at him since he has left you with no other choice. "i haven't been too busy lately. who knows when i'll ever have this kind of free time again." you add, "shouldn't i make the most of it while i can?"
sylus' recent missions barely required your help. as much as you would hate to admit it, your skills and assets are completely replaceable. sylus can gather information on his own and miss hunter is more capable on field than you.
that doesn't mean you're useless. it just means your work is needed elsewhere. you'll probably figure out your next job while on break.
"still…" sylus mumbles, tilting your head back by your chin. he narrows his eyes at your lackluster expression. "why don't we go together once my work with miss hunter is complete?" he suggests.
you give him a look. "and when will that be?"
"i…"
"sylus! there's something wrong with this gun! can you come take a look at it?"
sylus flinches. he glances between miss hunter and you, obviously torn. he eventually sighs. "let's talk about this when we get home," he says to you.
you nod and he hurriedly returns to miss hunter. the sight has something cold filling into your chest. it's not so much hurt as it is disappointment.
"luke, kieran." you turn to the two young men, smiling at them gently. "we should go someplace expensive for lunch. what do you say?"
the two light up, bouncing at your side excitedly. "let's go, let's go!" they exclaim in unison.
"we should have something sweet as a treat after that." you and the boys head towards the exit with big plans in mind. "should we buy it or make it ourselves? i think i feel like baking today."
"you always do look super funny covered in flour." kieran says with a snicker.
luke holds the door open for you. "those cookies you made last time were amazing, boss lady!" he laughs, "you could conquer the entire n109 zone with just your cookies alone.”
you shake your head at his nonsensical joke. "i'll make a lot more this time, then." you promise on the way out of the building.
the silly boys cheer and chant the entire way out. they always make for a good time. thanks to them, the rest of the day passes by in a flash. you barely had any time to think much about sylus.
they leave you sometime around dinner, however. something about an emergency visit to a client, they had said. you saw them off, but not without stuffing one last cookie in their hands before they left.
even without the twins, you're not alone. there's the security, the personal chef in the kitchen, and miss hunter.
"he—hello." she stutters as she greets you, cowering into her shoulders. she wrings her hands together as a self-soothing mechanism, clearly intimidated by you.
you feel a little bad because despite her being the root of your problems, you never did have the heart to hate her.
"here." you hold a cookie out to the poor girl. "i made these earlier for the twins. there's more in the kitchen to snack on if you'd like."
"oh! thank you." she accepts it in a hurry.
she stuffs the entire cookie into her mouth in one go and you really aren't sure how to react.
"wow! ish sho delishush!" she exclaims through chews, her two thumbs raised up out towards you.
"pfft." you cover your mouth as you laugh, her antics a bit too much for you to take.
"i'm glad you like it." you say just as your laughter slows to an end. you reach out to her face and wipe the crumbs away with a tissue from the pack in your pocket.
she thanks you awkwardly. both for the cookie and for helping her with the crumbs. you noticed this earlier, but she seems to look at you with a certain glint in her eyes. it appears to be a mix of admiration and guilt. she's definitely not as naive as she makes herself out to be.
to you, that's a good trait to have. especially since she's involved with sylus of all people.
"i heard sylus is renovating the room you were staying in." you stare at her calmly and curiously, because she intrigues you.
"did you pick out a new temporary room?" you ask.
she shakes her head. "i have to get a few things from my room before i move into another one…"
"i'll help you." you step past her, patting her on the shoulder in passing.
"thank you." her voice sounds a bit strained, but she follows after you. you lead the way fully knowing where her room is.
honestly, she could very easily reject your offer to help. you two aren't friends. you wonder why she won't draw a line with you.
if you had to guess, it's probably because she has some sort of respect for you. the twins let her know about you from the start. you're second to sylus, a force to be reckoned with. one wrong move with you could very well result in something irreversible.
what she doesn't know, however, is that she is completely out of your jurisdiction.
sylus and miss hunter haven't known each other for long, but he had treated her with such high regards that you knew better than to mess with her. you didn't know what tied them together, but it seemed fated. meant to be.
it was obvious. you just denied it until you no longer could.
"here we are." you say, standing off to the side so she can open the door.
miss hunter nods with a polite smile. she opens the door in a hurry and the two of you enter the messy room. it's empty aside a few plastic-covered pieces of furniture set off to the side.
"it'll probably take a few weeks before this room is finished." tickled from the sawdust lingering in the room, you cough. "you should move all your belongings for the time being."
"good idea." she nods so much it makes you feel dizzy.
"what should i help with?"
"umm…" she points to the dresser. "could you please grab my clothes? i need to get the stuff under the bed."
"mhm."
a tense quiet spills into the room, filling out the space between you and miss hunter. you can feel her glance at you a few times. she has something to say and you don't mind waiting until she's ready to speak.
"i—" she stumbles in your direction. "i'm sorry." she says. it's so sudden and so heavy.
"i'm not trying to get between you and sylus. i swear." she speaks in a hurry, the words coming out so fast her mind can barely catch up. "i don't know how to explain it, but there's something there, you know? it's this unexplainable pull. every time we resonate, i feel that there's something more between us."
out of breath, she quickly says, "but i promise i won't do anything!"
you shake your head, taking in a deep breath as you look at her from over your shoulder. "that's enough."
"i know what you're talking about and i don't blame you." you offer her a sad smile that only makes her pale in the face. "why would i blame you for what can't be helped?"
"sylus and i are still together. at least for the time being." removing your eyes from hers, you walk towards the door while you speak. "you shouldn't worry about us or feel guilty about something you can't control. i get it."
holding the door open by the doorknob, your eyes fall into hers. you should probably say something more, relieve her of the guilt that sticks to her like a second layer of skin, but you find yourself drained. your sympathy, understanding, and kindness have all run dry.
with one last forced, fleeting smile, you wave goodbye to her and exit the room with a hurried pace. you really can't understand it. why is her bond with sylus near inescapable? was it all an inevitable outcome? why did it feel like this world was made for her?
none of it made any sense. you were certain that nothing would change even if you tried your hardest. so that really only left you with one last choice— the one you already made.
"this is the life…" you sigh in content from where you lie on the beach chair. you can hear the ocean waves in distance and you wholeheartedly welcome it. this is the most relaxed you've been in ages.
let's make the most out of this before leaving.
"sure is, boss lady." one of the twins says in agreement.
you open one of your eyes, glancing at the young man on the chair beside you. kieran had tagged along for your vacation, but luke had to stay behind to help sylus with a few things. you didn't mind, of course. you get along well with the twins and you actually like spending time with them. you had become family with the boys and you're certain you're something special to them too.
it's not just kieran, though.
there was a bodyguard standing not too far away and a few other hidden out of sight. you could feel all the eyes on you. kieran had assured you it was for your safety. yeah right.
sylus was monitoring you. he could probably feel you pulling away from him. he has always been a careful man. you were a liability. if you and him were to ever part on bad terms, who is to say you wouldn't run off with all of his secrets and betray him? a simple vow could never soothe a man as guarded as him.
"guess what?" breaking you from your chain of thoughts, kieran sits up in a hurry. "boss said he'd be here by dinner. he still has some stuff to deal with, but he at least wanted to see you."
"did he now?" you push your back off of the chair.
"will luke be coming with him?"
"nope. he's on a mission in linkon with miss hunter—" kieran cuts himself off as if the mention of the other woman had burnt his tongue.
"hmm." you don't mention his behavior because you're more than aware that he's just trying to be thoughtful.
"if that's the case, then we should go get ready to meet him. you know how particular he is."
kieran tumbles awkwardly off of his chair, nodding eagerly, anything to leave his mistake behind. "you're the boss, boss lady."
sylus doesn't arrive before dinner at all. you had waited only an hour before deciding to eat with kieran instead. it was a nice dinner without him regardless. you could have bought a small house with the total on the bill.
sometime after a relaxing bath in the evening, a pair of arms snake around your waist and you're pulled into an embrace you've almost forgotten.
"you really don't hesitate when you using my money, do you?" sylus chuckles behind your ear.
instead of sinking into him, you remain still.
"what's yours is mine." you respond, blinking slowly as if to steady yourself. "i remember a certain someone saying that all the time."
"whoever that certain someone is, he sounds quite wise." his mouth moves from your ear to the side of your neck, lips soft on your skin, planting languid kisses down the length of it.
you shudder at his abrupt show of affection. it feels both right and wrong.
"you've been acting unusual lately," he whispers into your neck. he sighs heavily. "why have you become so cold, sweetheart?"
"i haven't."
"you have." he purses his lips and pulls you in closer. "i know i have been quite busy, but that doesn't mean i care about you any less."
"miss hunter—"
"is just a friend." he quickly interrupts. he was waiting for you to bring her up. the tone of his voice is completely off. it's raspy with a mix of panic and guilt.
oh.
he's aware of how his actions have been effecting you lately. of course he was.
you turn around, exhaling. "sylus."
his face pales.
"don't do this." he tries to hold you close to his chest, only stopping himself when he feels you resist. "sweetie, please…"
"i see the way you look at her, sylus." you stare deep into his eyes. you used to adore the mystery behind those ruby reds.
now, they haunt you.
"i saw it right from the start— how your eyes would linger on her. do you realize how you light up whenever she's around?" you laugh bitterly, "you're something special when you're with her."
"i'm tired of pretending not to see it."
"no— no. sweetheart, please." his hands drop down to yours and he grips you tight. "it's not true. not true in the slightest."
he speaks softly, almost as if begging for you to understand. "it's only you. i only see you."
"stop it." pushing away from him, you frown deeply. "i'm not an idiot, sylus. don't treat me like one."
"sweetheart—"
"tell me right now, would you prioritize me over her?" you ask with a quickness brought on from the rush of your emotions. "if we were both in danger, who would you save first? would you even think of me in that moment?"
"i…"
you shout, "answer the question!" and it echoes throughout the large, luxurious room.
there's a moment of silence before he answers, "i don't know."
you laugh through your nose. "right."
"how can i convince you that i only want you?" he asks like a broken man. "that i have chosen you?"
"i don't want to be a choice you have to make." you shake your head at him. "i want to be you're only option— the only one on your mind— but that will never happen.”
"you don't understand," he sighs.
"it's different with her, sweetheart. our connection goes far beyond this lifetime. it's something out of my control." one of his hands reach for you. "but i want this with you. i want this lifetime to belong to us."
"why fight what's fated?" you take a step backwards. "just accept what is being handed to you on a silver platter, sylus. i'm willing to walk away for both of our sakes."
he catches you by the wrist. "no."
"i'll make us work. you just have to trust me." he nearly begs.
slapping his hand off, you strengthen your resolve. "i don't want to trust you."
you say with greater effort, "i don't want you."
"you can’t say that." he looks at you with eyes that resemble shattered rubies.
"i don't want you." you repeat, because you can only hope it comes true the more you say it. "i don't want you, sylus."
what happened after that wasn't anything special. sylus had left the room like a man on the run, spewing a rushed apology without even looking back. when he left, the bodyguards he assigned to you had tripled.
he kept an eye on you throughout your travels. you weren't sure whether it was to prevent you from betraying him or just a means to keep you from leaving. it didn't bother you. you had no plans to betray him or abandon your life in the n109 zone.
you just wanted to leave your love behind.
which, through nights of reflection, promises, and sheer determination— you did. you clumsily closed that part of yourself off and refused to bear your soul to sylus from that point forward.
he hasn't been taking it very well at all.
"i fail to see the point in this," he snarls, aimlessly pacing back and forth. his eyes are dark with frustration. the hopelessness that settled between you two only amplified his growing anger.
"i understand that i have failed to provide you with the security you deserve, but why this?" he abruptly stops in place, his head snapping in your direction.
"can we not fix this mess together, sweetheart? just as we always have before?"
you cross one leg over the other, your expression unrelenting. "no, we cannot."
you sip at your hot drink, the warmth filling into your chest a comfort you've long missed. you haven't been at peace like this in a long time. it feels wonderful.
"sweetie…"
with a big sigh, sylus sits down by your side. he hunches over, elbows propped on his knees, hands holding his head by his forehead. "i miss you," he murmurs. it's a sentence you barely even hear.
"i miss you.” he says again. “i miss us." he glances at you in the corner of his eyes. you, who is peaceful and happy. someone he took entirely for granted.
someone he should have fought for.
compared to his defeated appearance, you seem serene and untouchable. it didn't make sense how you were right in front of him while simultaneously beyond his reach. he hated it. he once had every right to hold you however he wanted. now, all he could do was simply look at you.
"miss hunter will be arriving soon. she asked if we could help her track down someone and i agreed." you finish the last bit of your drink with a content sigh.
"you agreed to help her?" sylus sits up straight, frowning deeply.
he had been avoiding the woman in question ever since he lost you. he felt ashamed of his feelings and the actions he could not control. he wanted to gather himself before facing her again, but it looks like he no longer has a choice.
maybe this was your way of seeking vengeance. you were pushing him away while guiding him towards a path he could not reject. it was sickening how little control he had.
"i don't want to see her," he says in a low and slightly quivering voice. he sounds equal parts angry and anxious.
"you have to." you smile towards him. "you can't run away from this forever, sylus."
"i won't see her."
"you will."
as if on cue, the door to the room is knocked on three times. "boss! miss hunter is here!"
you watch his face twist into something short of horrified. his fate is playing him like the fool he is and, like you, he begrudgingly succumbs to it.
after taking a deep breath, he sighs, "let her in."
you watch, wordless, as he returns to the path already paved.
tags: angst, established relationship, reader referred to as "boss lady"
word count: 4k
summary: you decide that you no longer wish to stand between sylus and miss hunter.
you deserve better.
that thought came to you in a dream, a quiet whisper that wrapped around you right and warm. it was the answer to all your doubts. every instance that left you feeling small, belittled, and insecure finally meant something. it led you to a path you knew only you could take.
you had to leave. all the struggling, the desire for more, it wasn't worth the misery this man brought upon you. you were better than this. you were better than the leftovers he gave you.
"i bought this emerald specifically for you."
he had purchased a vibrant ruby necklace for her on the same day at the same shop. she had worn it the very next time you saw her, hanging from her neck like a gold medal. from what little you saw of it, its luster was unsettlingly similar to his eyes.
"buy anything you want, sweetheart. it's all yours."
he was at this exact shop with her just a few days ago. the shelves were near empty and it was still recovering from her last shopping spree. the entire staff seemed nervous about how little they had to offer you.
"come here, sweetie. try a taste of this wine. i'm sure you'll like it."
the bottle was half empty. he had spent an afternoon with her, chatting over wine in a room that held no one else but them. you knew for a fact that she was passed out drunk in the room he only recently furnished for her sake.
those moments were not far and few between. it was a constant. a curse.
you were tired of being a ghost in your own relationship. it was obvious you had become nothing but a chore to him. something like a cog in the machine, maybe. you were no longer something whole and he made you that way. he had weakened your resistance and rounded your instincts.
growing up in the n109 zone, you knew better than to linger in the eye of danger. the longer this went on, the longer you lost yourself. it was beyond you how it got this bad. you thought you were smart enough to avoid getting involved in something like this, but you thought wrong. his love had blinded you.
now, you're stuck standing a few feet away from your partner, watching as he looks at another woman as if she planted every single flower in his blossoming garden.
"what's wrong, boss lady?" one of the twins ask, nudging you back to reality.
you smile, turning away from the sight of sylus in order to give luke your full attention. "i'm just doing a little thinking," you say with a cryptic glint in your eyes.
luke folds his arms. "a little thinking? yeah right," he huffs, unconvinced.
he looks out towards his boss, taking in the current events. "it's not like that, y'know." he murmurs. "boss-man and miss hunter— they're strictly business."
his reassurance makes your face hot. you appreciate his concerns, but you're mortified to have been read like an open book. from someone younger, no less.
really— just what has loving sylus reduced you to?
"i know," you say after swallowing the knot in your throat.
you lean against his shoulder, sighing loudly. "thanks for caring, luke. i promise everything is okay."
"are you sure..?" he leans into you as well. "because you've been real quiet lately."
"i'm okay." you stand up straight with a chuckle. "you have nothing to worry about. just keep being a little cutie-pie for me."
"euugh, there you go again…" luke shifts away from you, cringing exageratedly. "you're nuts, lady!"
you laugh, probably for the first time in a while, and it feels great. there's a weight missing from your shoulders. now that you know what to do and which path to take, you won't hesitate.
but… what if you took your time with it?
you have the world at your fingertips right now. all the money in the world, jewels that you will never see again, the ability to go anywhere you desire. it was all at your disposal.
is it wrong to take advantage of what you have while it's still yours?
who knows. whether it's right or wrong wont stop you.
"i'm thinking about taking a vacation." you announce after making up your mind. your voice is muffled under the sound of machinery and laughter from miss hunter. the moment is still yours, however, because all eyes have suddenly fallen onto you.
"a vacation?!" luke exclaims in shock. "where is this coming from?!"
his brother appears out of nowhere, occupying the vacant spot on your other side. "hey, what's this i hear about a vacation?" kieran asks.
before you could answer, your eyes get caught on the crimson glow of sylus' gaze from afar. he probably heard everything.
"i wanna go on a trip," you respond, tearing your attention away from sylus. it was a delayed process, but you manage. this will be your first win of many soon to come.
"i haven't been anywhere but the n109 zone and linkon city. it'd be nice to get out and explore." your attention flits between both boys. "what do you think? not a bad idea, right?"
"how are we supposed to live without you, boss lady?" luke shrieks. he latches onto one of your hands in a panic, spouting some more nonsense that you clearly don't take too seriously.
"now that i think about it… it is kinda weird." kieran says amidst his twin's nonstop crying. "you're a workaholic to the max, boss lady. i can't believe you're finally deciding to take a break on your own."
you chuckle, "what can i say? seeing you boys laze around all the time has inspired me."
"it would seem like the twins have rubbed off on you in the worst possible way." you hear sylus say as he slowly approaches you.
the soles of his shoes come to a halt with one final click atop metallic floors. he stands in front of you and the twins, brushing them off in order to be the only one within your line of sight.
his lips are curled on one side, confident in a lazy way. "do you really intend to go on a trip without me?"
there's a tense beat of silence before you respond, "i do."
you peer up at him since he has left you with no other choice. "i haven't been too busy lately. who knows when i'll ever have this kind of free time again." you add, "shouldn't i make the most of it while i can?"
sylus' recent missions barely required your help. as much as you would hate to admit it, your skills and assets are completely replaceable. sylus can gather information on his own and miss hunter is more capable on field than you.
that doesn't mean you're useless. it just means your work is needed elsewhere. you'll probably figure out your next job while on break.
"still…" sylus mumbles, tilting your head back by your chin. he narrows his eyes at your lackluster expression. "why don't we go together once my work with miss hunter is complete?" he suggests.
you give him a look. "and when will that be?"
"i…"
"sylus! there's something wrong with this gun! can you come take a look at it?"
sylus flinches. he glances between miss hunter and you, obviously torn. he eventually sighs. "let's talk about this when we get home," he says to you.
you nod and he hurriedly returns to miss hunter. the sight has something cold filling into your chest. it's not so much hurt as it is disappointment.
"luke, kieran." you turn to the two young men, smiling at them gently. "we should go someplace expensive for lunch. what do you say?"
the two light up, bouncing at your side excitedly. "let's go, let's go!" they exclaim in unison.
"we should have something sweet as a treat after that." you and the boys head towards the exit with big plans in mind. "should we buy it or make it ourselves? i think i feel like baking today."
"you always do look super funny covered in flour." kieran says with a snicker.
luke holds the door open for you. "those cookies you made last time were amazing, boss lady!" he laughs, "you could conquer the entire n109 zone with just your cookies alone.”
you shake your head at his nonsensical joke. "i'll make a lot more this time, then." you promise on the way out of the building.
the silly boys cheer and chant the entire way out. they always make for a good time. thanks to them, the rest of the day passes by in a flash. you barely had any time to think much about sylus.
they leave you sometime around dinner, however. something about an emergency visit to a client, they had said. you saw them off, but not without stuffing one last cookie in their hands before they left.
even without the twins, you're not alone. there's the security, the personal chef in the kitchen, and miss hunter.
"he—hello." she stutters as she greets you, cowering into her shoulders. she wrings her hands together as a self-soothing mechanism, clearly intimidated by you.
you feel a little bad because despite her being the root of your problems, you never did have the heart to hate her.
"here." you hold a cookie out to the poor girl. "i made these earlier for the twins. there's more in the kitchen to snack on if you'd like."
"oh! thank you." she accepts it in a hurry.
she stuffs the entire cookie into her mouth in one go and you really aren't sure how to react.
"wow! ish sho delishush!" she exclaims through chews, her two thumbs raised up out towards you.
"pfft." you cover your mouth as you laugh, her antics a bit too much for you to take.
"i'm glad you like it." you say just as your laughter slows to an end. you reach out to her face and wipe the crumbs away with a tissue from the pack in your pocket.
she thanks you awkwardly. both for the cookie and for helping her with the crumbs. you noticed this earlier, but she seems to look at you with a certain glint in her eyes. it appears to be a mix of admiration and guilt. she's definitely not as naive as she makes herself out to be.
to you, that's a good trait to have. especially since she's involved with sylus of all people.
"i heard sylus is renovating the room you were staying in." you stare at her calmly and curiously, because she intrigues you.
"did you pick out a new temporary room?" you ask.
she shakes her head. "i have to get a few things from my room before i move into another one…"
"i'll help you." you step past her, patting her on the shoulder in passing.
"thank you." her voice sounds a bit strained, but she follows after you. you lead the way fully knowing where her room is.
honestly, she could very easily reject your offer to help. you two aren't friends. you wonder why she won't draw a line with you.
if you had to guess, it's probably because she has some sort of respect for you. the twins let her know about you from the start. you're second to sylus, a force to be reckoned with. one wrong move with you could very well result in something irreversible.
what she doesn't know, however, is that she is completely out of your jurisdiction.
sylus and miss hunter haven't known each other for long, but he had treated her with such high regards that you knew better than to mess with her. you didn't know what tied them together, but it seemed fated. meant to be.
it was obvious. you just denied it until you no longer could.
"here we are." you say, standing off to the side so she can open the door.
miss hunter nods with a polite smile. she opens the door in a hurry and the two of you enter the messy room. it's empty aside a few plastic-covered pieces of furniture set off to the side.
"it'll probably take a few weeks before this room is finished." tickled from the sawdust lingering in the room, you cough. "you should move all your belongings for the time being."
"good idea." she nods so much it makes you feel dizzy.
"what should i help with?"
"umm…" she points to the dresser. "could you please grab my clothes? i need to get the stuff under the bed."
"mhm."
a tense quiet spills into the room, filling out the space between you and miss hunter. you can feel her glance at you a few times. she has something to say and you don't mind waiting until she's ready to speak.
"i—" she stumbles in your direction. "i'm sorry." she says. it's so sudden and so heavy.
"i'm not trying to get between you and sylus. i swear." she speaks in a hurry, the words coming out so fast her mind can barely catch up. "i don't know how to explain it, but there's something there, you know? it's this unexplainable pull. every time we resonate, i feel that there's something more between us."
out of breath, she quickly says, "but i promise i won't do anything!"
you shake your head, taking in a deep breath as you look at her from over your shoulder. "that's enough."
"i know what you're talking about and i don't blame you." you offer her a sad smile that only makes her pale in the face. "why would i blame you for what can't be helped?"
"sylus and i are still together. at least for the time being." removing your eyes from hers, you walk towards the door while you speak. "you shouldn't worry about us or feel guilty about something you can't control. i get it."
holding the door open by the doorknob, your eyes fall into hers. you should probably say something more, relieve her of the guilt that sticks to her like a second layer of skin, but you find yourself drained. your sympathy, understanding, and kindness have all run dry.
with one last forced, fleeting smile, you wave goodbye to her and exit the room with a hurried pace. you really can't understand it. why is her bond with sylus near inescapable? was it all an inevitable outcome? why did it feel like this world was made for her?
none of it made any sense. you were certain that nothing would change even if you tried your hardest. so that really only left you with one last choice— the one you already made.
"this is the life…" you sigh in content from where you lie on the beach chair. you can hear the ocean waves in distance and you wholeheartedly welcome it. this is the most relaxed you've been in ages.
let's make the most out of this before leaving.
"sure is, boss lady." one of the twins says in agreement.
you open one of your eyes, glancing at the young man on the chair beside you. kieran had tagged along for your vacation, but luke had to stay behind to help sylus with a few things. you didn't mind, of course. you get along well with the twins and you actually like spending time with them. you had become family with the boys and you're certain you're something special to them too.
it's not just kieran, though.
there was a bodyguard standing not too far away and a few other hidden out of sight. you could feel all the eyes on you. kieran had assured you it was for your safety. yeah right.
sylus was monitoring you. he could probably feel you pulling away from him. he has always been a careful man. you were a liability. if you and him were to ever part on bad terms, who is to say you wouldn't run off with all of his secrets and betray him? a simple vow could never soothe a man as guarded as him.
"guess what?" breaking you from your chain of thoughts, kieran sits up in a hurry. "boss said he'd be here by dinner. he still has some stuff to deal with, but he at least wanted to see you."
"did he now?" you push your back off of the chair.
"will luke be coming with him?"
"nope. he's on a mission in linkon with miss hunter—" kieran cuts himself off as if the mention of the other woman had burnt his tongue.
"hmm." you don't mention his behavior because you're more than aware that he's just trying to be thoughtful.
"if that's the case, then we should go get ready to meet him. you know how particular he is."
kieran tumbles awkwardly off of his chair, nodding eagerly, anything to leave his mistake behind. "you're the boss, boss lady."
sylus doesn't arrive before dinner at all. you had waited only an hour before deciding to eat with kieran instead. it was a nice dinner without him regardless. you could have bought a small house with the total on the bill.
sometime after a relaxing bath in the evening, a pair of arms snake around your waist and you're pulled into an embrace you've almost forgotten.
"you really don't hesitate when using my money, do you?" sylus chuckles behind your ear.
instead of sinking into him, you remain still.
"what's yours is mine." you respond, blinking slowly as if to steady yourself. "i remember a certain someone saying that all the time."
"whoever that certain someone is, he sounds quite wise." his mouth moves from your ear to the side of your neck, lips soft on your skin, planting languid kisses down the length of it.
you shudder at his abrupt show of affection. it feels both right and wrong.
"you've been acting unusual lately," he whispers into your neck. he sighs heavily. "why have you become so cold, sweetheart?"
"i haven't."
"you have." he purses his lips and pulls you in closer. "i know i have been quite busy, but that doesn't mean i care about you any less."
"miss hunter—"
"is just a friend." he quickly interrupts. he was waiting for you to bring her up. the tone of his voice is completely off. it's raspy with a mix of panic and guilt.
oh.
he's aware of how his actions have been effecting you lately. of course he was.
you turn around, exhaling. "sylus."
his face pales.
"don't do this." he tries to hold you close to his chest, only stopping himself when he feels you resist. "sweetie, please…"
"i see the way you look at her, sylus." you stare deep into his eyes. you used to adore the mystery behind those ruby reds.
now, they haunt you.
"i saw it right from the start— how your eyes would linger on her. do you realize how you light up whenever she's around?" you laugh bitterly, "you're something special when you're with her."
"i'm tired of pretending not to see it."
"no— no. sweetheart, please." his hands drop down to yours and he grips you tight. "it's not true. not true in the slightest."
he speaks softly, almost as if begging for you to understand. "it's only you. i only see you."
"stop it." pushing away from him, you frown deeply. "i'm not an idiot, sylus. don't treat me like one."
"sweetheart—"
"tell me right now, would you prioritize me over her?" you ask with a quickness brought on from the rush of your emotions. "if we were both in danger, who would you save first? would you even think of me in that moment?"
"i…"
you shout, "answer the question!" and it echoes throughout the large, luxurious room.
there's a moment of silence before he answers, "i don't know."
you laugh through your nose. "right."
"how can i convince you that i only want you?" he asks like a broken man. "that i have chosen you?"
"i don't want to be a choice you have to make." you shake your head at him. "i want to be you're only option— the only one on your mind— but that will never happen.”
"you don't understand," he sighs.
"it's different with her, sweetheart. our connection goes far beyond this lifetime. it's something out of my control." one of his hands reach for you. "but i want this with you. i want this lifetime to belong to us."
"why fight what's fated?" you take a step backwards. "just accept what is being handed to you on a silver platter, sylus. i'm willing to walk away for both of our sakes."
he catches you by the wrist. "no."
"i'll make us work. you just have to trust me." he nearly begs.
slapping his hand off, you strengthen your resolve. "i don't want to trust you."
you say with greater effort, "i don't want you."
"you can’t say that." he looks at you with eyes that resemble shattered rubies.
"i don't want you." you repeat, because you can only hope it comes true the more you say it. "i don't want you, sylus."
what happened after that wasn't anything special. sylus had left the room like a man on the run, spewing a rushed apology without even looking back. when he left, the bodyguards he assigned to you had tripled.
he kept an eye on you throughout your travels. you weren't sure whether it was to prevent you from betraying him or just a means to keep you from leaving. it didn't bother you. you had no plans to betray him or abandon your life in the n109 zone.
you just wanted to leave your love behind.
which, through nights of reflection, promises, and sheer determination— you did. you clumsily closed that part of yourself off and refused to bear your soul to sylus from that point forward.
he hasn't been taking it very well at all.
"i fail to see the point in this," he snarls, aimlessly pacing back and forth. his eyes are dark with frustration. the hopelessness that settled between you two only amplified his growing anger.
"i understand that i have failed to provide you with the security you deserve, but why this?" he abruptly stops in place, his head snapping in your direction.
"can we not fix this mess together, sweetheart? just as we always have before?"
you cross one leg over the other, your expression unrelenting. "no, we cannot."
you sip at your hot drink, the warmth filling into your chest a comfort you've long missed. you haven't been at peace like this in a long time. it feels wonderful.
"sweetie…"
with a big sigh, sylus sits down by your side. he hunches over, elbows propped on his knees, hands holding his head by his forehead. "i miss you," he murmurs. it's a sentence you barely even hear.
"i miss you.” he says again. “i miss us." he glances at you in the corner of his eyes. you, who is peaceful and happy. someone he took entirely for granted.
someone he should have fought for.
compared to his defeated appearance, you seem serene and untouchable. it didn't make sense how you were right in front of him while simultaneously beyond his reach. he hated it. he once had every right to hold you however he wanted. now, all he could do was simply look at you.
"miss hunter will be arriving soon. she asked if we could help her track down someone and i agreed." you finish the last bit of your drink with a content sigh.
"you agreed to help her?" sylus sits up straight, frowning deeply.
he had been avoiding the woman in question ever since he lost you. he felt ashamed of his feelings and the actions he could not control. he wanted to gather himself before facing her again, but it looks like he no longer has a choice.
maybe this was your way of seeking vengeance. you were pushing him away while guiding him towards a path he could not reject. it was sickening how little control he had.
"i don't want to see her," he says in a low and slightly quivering voice. he sounds equal parts angry and anxious.
"you have to." you smile towards him. "you can't run away from this forever, sylus."
"i won't see her."
"you will."
as if on cue, the door to the room is knocked on three times. "boss! miss hunter is here!"
you watch his face twist into something short of horrified. his fate is playing him like the fool he is and, like you, he begrudgingly succumbs to it.
after taking a deep breath, he sighs, "let her in."
you watch, wordless, as he returns to the path already paved.
on days where you needed some space, you would keep the door to your bedroom shut. it was silent signal and one caleb respected. if you were to open the door the very next morning, you would be greeted by a plastic bag of snacks dangling from the doorknob. it was caleb’s quietest way of comforting you. appreciation was too little of a word to describe how you felt on those days.
days where you wanted his company were a completely different story. usually, your door would be wide open. you would giggle, raising your voice as you called for him. “caleb! get your butt in here! i wanna tell you about what happened during lunch today!” and he never wasted any time barreling into your room. he’d toss himself onto your bed, laughing way too loudly at how you went flying into the air for a few seconds.
other times, when the sun had long set and gran was fast asleep in her room, you would slip into bed and leave your door open by just a crack. an inch or two, give or take— and caleb would always take. with his own pillow and blanket in his arms (which you’d steal from him claiming, “your stuff is more comfy!"), caleb would shuffle into your room. one quiet step at a time. he’d make himself home on your carpeted floor, smiling boyishly up at you while tucked under the blanket you traded with him. those nights, you brushed your fingers against his cheek with tenderness that had no place anywhere else, and he would eat it up. then, as you both rest in your own spots, comfortable and content, you would hear him whispering one last sweet, “goodnight, pipsqueak…”
tags: jealousy, possessive behavior, comfort
word count: 1.4k
summary: caleb has always been popular and you have always hated that.
"nice one, man!" one of the guys on the court exclaims, slinging an arm around caleb. they celebrate their newest score with loud cheers and even louder laughter, sweat trickling down the sides of their sun-kissed faces.
you sit on the sidelines, leaning against the fence, watching with a smile of your own. caleb always looks the best like this, happy and carefree, living in the moment. it's one of your favorite versions of him. in fact, you love every version of him.
it was hard not to.
he has always been a constant presence by your side for as long as you can remember. in your library of memories, he was almost always there. warm and comforting like the sun.
and as much as he plagued you, you're confident that you have also long left your mark on him. it's only fair. after all— he is yours.
"he's super cute, isn't he?" you hear a nearby girl giggle to her friend. she sounds absolutely lovestruck. turning your head sneakily to glance at her, you spot her bashfully blushing, eyelashes fluttering in a certain direction.
following her line of sight, your eyes land on caleb.
you freeze the instant you realize what's going on.
"i saw him at the market the other day with his grandma," she says in a dreamy tone. "he's such a sweetheart. perfect husband material."
her words make you feel sick. you want to tune her out, pretend like she and her feelings don't exist, but a part of you wants to keep listening. hearing someone openly crush on caleb is a bitter reminder that he doesn't only exist for you. other people can see and perceive him. it's not just you.
"oh my gosh, are you going to ask him out?" her friend excitedly bounces up and down in place. "you two would look sooo cute together!" she squeals.
you bite down and chew on your bottom lip, narrowing your eyes at the thought of caleb with someone else. it was unfathomable. your caleb? with someone that wasn't you?
"i don't know…" the girl with a crush sighs. "he's known for turning down anyone that asks him out."
her friend persists, "but what if you're the exception?"
the girl thoughtfully hums, taking a moment to think. it takes her a whole minute before she reluctantly speaks up. "…should i really give it a shot?"
"definitely! you're the prettiest girl in our school, why would he not be interested in dating you—"
"pipsqueak!" caleb calls, approaching you with a massive smile pressed onto his lips. his eyes get caught on yours, urging you to meet him halfway.
you quickly find yourself mindlessly making your way over to him.
"all done?" you ask, now standing right in front of him. leaning on the tips of your toes, you wipe away beads of sweat from his forehead.
he stares at you, not yet answering, lost in his thoughts. thoughts that all stem from you.
"caleb?" you shift your weight onto the heels of your feet, raising an eyebrow at him. "hellooo? did you hear what i asked?"
"hmm?" he blinks. "oh, yeah. the other team gave up." he laughs.
"to be fair, you guys did destroy them." you snicker. caleb's team was nearly twenty points ahead, a hopeless predicament for their opponents.
"we sure did!" he grins, thanking you when you hand him the water bottle in your hand. he downs a few gulps, sighing happily afterwards.
"are they your friends?" he asks, briefly glancing back at the girls from earlier. he doesn't look for long, but you wished he didn't look at all. "i don't think i've ever seen you hangin' out with them."
"nope. i don't know them." you respond a little too quickly. you don't want to bring too much of his attention to those girls.
his forehead creases in confusion. "what's wrong?" he focuses on you again and you melt a little. the warmth of his gaze feels like home.
"nothing," you murmur, shaking your head side to side. "it's just hot."
"you're lying." he holds you by the wrist. you can feel his heartbeat thumping in the palm of his hand.
"are you gonna be honest or am i gonna have to pry it outta you, pip?" he asks, smiling to cover up his thinly veiled threat.
you go to answer, to get mad at him for being so annoyingly caring, but then you notice the girls from earlier. they're whispering to each other behind their hands, looking at caleb and glaring at you.
honestly, you could care less about whatever nonsense they're saying about you. it doesn't matter if they ask questions or gossip about you. what's more irritating is how they stare at caleb. they shouldn't be allowed to look at him at all.
"pipsqueak?"
you want to stuff him away in a black box where no one else can see him.
"i wanna go home." you murmur with a hardened expression.
caleb opens his mouth to speak, but quickly decides against it.
"okay." he nods, his lips pressed into a flat line. he looks more concerned than ever, his good mood replaced with something quieter.
he gently tugs you along and leads the way, keeping at a pace that won't have you stumbling to catch up. it's only when you're off the court that you realize he didn't even say anything to his friends. he left them behind just for you.
you should feel guilty about that. he shouldn't be playing favorites, picking you over the rest, but the sick sense of satisfaction you get whenever he does is addictive. you love how he cares so much about you.
"mind telling me what's goin' on in that pretty little head of yours?" caleb asks once you two get home. he turns, hands warm on the sides of your shoulders as he gives you his full attention.
"like i said, it's nothing." you huff, averting your gaze. your face feels hot now that you have calmed down.
"it's not nothing." caleb's hands trail down the length of your arms, smoothly capturing both of your hands in his own. his palm is warm and sweaty, but it's just as comforting as always.
"you're upset." he says like it's a fact, because he knows you.
"baby," he begins carefully, voice so soft it's ticklish, "you gotta let me know what's going on so i can help you."
you sigh and finally give in.
"i hate when other people talk about you." you admit, chewing on your bottom lip. "the way they look at you. think of you. it's like they're gonna take you away from me and i just hate it."
your mouth seems to have a mind of its own, each word dripping with frustration. it's a bitter ring in the air. you feel ashamed for even feeling this way, but it won't stop.
"why do you have to be so popular? and so handsome? and so smart? and—" you exhale loudly, glaring at caleb as if he's the one to blame. "you're mine, caleb. i wish you only existed for me." you mumble a few more things that he can't quite catch.
he watches as you slowly come out of it after a few minutes, staring at the floor like it offended you in the worst way possible.
in that stillness, he chuckles quietly.
you snap your head back up, frowning. "caleb."
"i'm not laughing at you," he quickly says.
"it's just that—" he laughs between his words. "it's just that you're so cute," he finally manages to say.
your eyes widen by a fraction. "what?"
"pipsqueak," he sighs sweetly. "there is only one person i care about in this entire world." he lifts your hands up to his face, resting them on his cheeks.
"can you guess who that is?" he asks with an adoring glint in his eyes.
you pause. you never doubted him, it's just…
"say it." you demand.
you need to hear it from his own lips.
"it's you." he grins. "i only care about you."
"i dunno what those girls said back there, but i promise that no one will ever take me away from you." he kisses the back of your hand in a fleeting gesture before pulling you into a hug.
he repeats, "i promise."
"…hmph." you press yourself into his warmth, secretly smiling to yourself. "you better not break your promise, caleb."
"i'll make you my prisoner if you break it," you mumble, "that way you'll never be able to leave me."
caleb chuckles. "that sounds pretty good to me, pipsqueak."
caleb, leaning on the headboard of his bed, has one arm around your waist and the other propped up to keep his hand on your head. your back rests on his chest, the warmth of your body spread over him like a weighted blanket.
"would you rather be a cat or a dog?" you ask through sleepy lips.
caleb chuckles. "a dog," he says as if he has thought long and hard about this question many times over.
you lean your head back, blinking at him sluggishly. "why a dog?"
"weeellll," he starts, "people don't usually go out with their cats, right?" he continues in a quiet hum, "i can at least go outside with you for walks if i'm a dog. it would be more fun, i think."
he runs his fingers through your hair, fingertips gently brushing against your scalp. it's a physical lullaby. you feel yourself slipping closer towards sleep despite just waking up.
"i never said you'd be my dog," you mumble.
"if i'm not yours, then who would i belong to?"
you can't really process his question in your current sleepy state, so you don't answer. he doesn't seem to mind at all.
but after a beat of silence, he pulls you closer.
"would you rather be a goat or a matter baby?" he asks.
"hmm…?" you're not sure you heard him correctly.
"what the heck… is a matter baby…?" you ask with the last bit of energy you manage to squeeze out.
"nothing," he laughs a little too loud, "what's a matter with you, baby?"
you groan behind closed lips while his laughter rumbles in his chest, each beat making you bounce slightly. he hugs you tighter and nuzzles into your hair before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. you decide to save your complaints for later, instead allowing yourself to fall into a deep sleep that will most definitely ruin your sleep schedule…
