moon pierrot

👻

[nancyyfuff]

I'm going through a very difficult and stressful period right now.

Now I think much negative about my body, my look. I developed a terrible addiction to pills, and my weight only keeps growing. I weighed in at 55 kg, and that number just killing me.

I'm tired. I'm disappointed in myself.

[nancyyfuff]

My mom said she wouldn't let me apply to universities abroad unless I put on some weight.

What a shame - I've only just reached 45 kg..... The irony!

[nancyyfuff]

I had Christmas and New Year holidays, which I spent with my friends and family. It was both wonderful and the worst time. I didn’t want to think about food, my weight, or anything like that, so…

In the end, I ate and drank almost nothing, and also took some pills (which I shouldn’t have), and now I weigh 46 kg (~101 lbs). That’s incredibly low for me.

I’m a little scared.

[nancyyfuff]

I hate bulimia.

Especially those marks... that others might see. It's like walking around with a sign that says, "There's something wrong with me."

[nancyyfuff]

Winter is my ANA season. The numbers on the scale just keep shrinking.

My goal was 50 kg. I thought, "That's it. That's the comfortable place. I'll stop there."I reached it. And then I passed it. Now I'm at 48 kg.

And the quiet, unsettling thought that follows me today is: "Even this feels like too much now."

The goalpost isn't just moving. It's disappearing.