existing is exhausting @nariyeobo - Tumblr Blog

fallingtones-deactivated2021082

The thought of killing myself is so ingrained in my mind that when a bunch of small bad things happen, it gets overwhelming and I’m convinced I won’t make it through the night.

@fallingtones

traced-veins

gy-m

Have you ever sat with your friends and just known that you’re the least important friend in the group and you felt like it wouldn’t make a difference if you were there or not

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differentnature

Suicide is so weird. The main argument to keep you around is that you’ll hurt other people by killing yourself so instead you stay around watching yourself fall apart, hurting, and lose yourself further.

zarathustra-would-be-proud

0nly-an-illusi0n

This darkness will never go away will it? No matter how many pills I take, no matter how stable my life is. It will always stay.

paralysing-sadness

c-isnenegro

leidgott

high-functioning-depression

I think it’s getting worse again

Know the feeling when you suddenly stop and think to yourself: “I think I am falling back into the pit again.”?

You are sitting on the bus, or in your car, or you are at school, at work or even at home and you suddenly realize that you are getting bad again.

But why?

You don’t really know. You wretch your brain for any trigger. But there is none. You’ve been getting along like usual.

So why?

Sometimes there is no “because”.

Sometimes you are just not happy. And there is nothing to blame.

But you are keeping it to yourself, except that you eventually tell your therapist about it, but that’s it. Because maybe, just maybe, it’s just the day or the weather and you will be fine in the morning.

But in most cases it isn’t that simple. You stay internally dead. And you can’t do anything about it.

You also don’t tell your loved ones, because you are scared they might think it’s their fault. For making you unhappy. But they are wrong.

It’s your fault for being unhappy.

It is what it is, and what it is, is shit.