jolie

u can look, but don’t u dare perceive me

[ratfuck]

what if I dangled a string in front of your face

[notravian]

[narrativeeating5458]

Hello 4 real followers and 87 pornbots—

It’s been 178 days since I openly said I was having issues with my health.

And while I am indeed struggling with my health, I don’t have the diseases I so firmly believed I did.

Everyday is a new disease, disorder, infection, something. I’m struggling with health anxiety that I do not know how to combat in the slightest.

The latest grave health issue is heart palpitations and high heart rate. In the last two months or so, I’ve had to have my heart rate monitored, once at a Covid testing site two months ago, and once last week in the ER after I sliced my finger open at work and needed stitches. In both instances, I alarmed the staff at the hospital because my heart rate was so high. At the testing site, I was having a panic attack, and I couldn’t calm myself down because with every staff member that came to assess me, I panicked more. With every mention of admitting me to the hospital, my heart rate sped up more. Eventually I was able to convince them that I was indeed having an episode and that I needed to be away from the situation in order to calm down. Once I was in my car with my husband, my heart rate immediately dropped to a normal level. In the ER, the doctor luckily believed me when I said it was high because I was in pain and anxious.

All of that said, I still cannot convince myself that my heart is not on the verge of failing. At least twice before going to bed, I ask my husband to check my heart rate for me. He reassures me that he is in fact well trained in first aid, and if he even slightly believed anything was wrong with me, we’d already be at the hospital. While this is a lovely thought, I cannot convince myself that I am okay.

This past year has been torturous. I’ve believed that I have colon cancer, intestinal blockage, IBD, brain tumors, heart failure, uterine cancer, ovarian cancer, EOE, the list goes on. These thoughts torment me day in and day out. It’s destroyed my ability to enjoy my life. It is so rare that I enjoy the activities I used to. I can’t enjoy time with my friends anymore because of this anxiety. As I write this post, my living room is full of friends enjoying a DND session that I had to excuse myself from because my heart was beating so loud I couldn’t focus.

I feel like I’ve lost myself in this. I do not know where my passions lie. I don’t know what makes me happy these days. I don’t know where to turn anymore.

[radiofaraday]

gifted kid burnout things that no one seems to talk about:

the raw panic of hearing about your potential, positive or negative

a weird brand of imposter syndrome where you genuinely think you’ve fluked your way through every success and you’re gonna be Exposed as a Fraud

never having learned how to study and having no idea where to start now that you need to

reading college level books as a kid but being basically illiterate now

dismissing your struggles as irrelevant because other people have it harder and i should be smart enough to handle this

feeling like you’ve lost all control over your life (maybe manifesting into depression, anxiety and disordered eating in a grasp for control over something)

being unable to decide on a career path because you could have had everything, only to watch those opportunities disappear as you fail to commit

[lotrlocked]

Peaking early and feeling like an eternal failure ever since

Remembering what it felt like to be motivated and at the top of your game and you could do ten things at once and cared so much, but now it’s a struggle to keep up with anything

~depression~

~functional depression~ so you feel like you are faking it

Holding a mediocre job and feeling unfulfilled but feeling like you aren’t good enough to do anything else

Being book smart but struggles with social skills and communication with others.

Feeling like you are the worst person on earth for making a mistake or not knowing something

[1000fandoms]

[narrativeeating5458]

my experience thus far living with three marines in one small house:

My husband: *eating cold soup, directly out of the can*

Roommate #1: *furiously googling to find that one vid of a kid getting hit in the nuts and saying “fuhhuuuck” I DONT KNOW IF ITS A VINE OR A TIKTOK. THEYVE BLENDED TOGETHER IN MY HEAD

Roommate #2: *beat boxing* REESES PUFFS REESESPUFFS EAT EM UP EAT EM UP EAT EM UP

me: *quietly having an internal crisis because they all convinced me I’m cross eyed*

that was just today. Just wait till you hear about the tiny plastic babies and mannequin head in the microwave

[allforthebee-deactivated2025061]

Ocean Vuong really said They say nothing lasts forever but they are just scared it will last longer than they can love it, and Mikko Harvey really said The number of hours we have together are actually not so large. Please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back for it later, and Niall Williams really fucking said, It’s because people are so perishable. That’s the thing. Because for everyone you meet there is a last moment, there will be a last moment when your hand slips from theirs, and everything ripples outwards from that, the last firmness of a hand in yours that every moment after becomes a little less firm until you look down at your own hand and try to imagine just what it felt like before their hand slipped away. And you cannot. You cannot feel them. And then you cannot quite see them, there’s blurry bits, like you’re looking through this watery haze, and you’re fighting to see, you’re fighting to hold on, but they are perishing right before your eyes, and right before your eyes they are becoming that bit more ghost.

[narrativeeating5458]

hello to my 4 followers and 76 pornbots!

I am doing very bad

I’ve been having some problems with my health (my bitchass stomach and thyroid aren’t working) and I’m awaiting a treatment plan from my doctors, but in the meantime I feel like shit. I’ve been having a lot of health anxiety, which met my regular anxiety, and then invited in the “stuck in the house because I feel too shitty to go out and do anything” anxiety.

So basically does anyone have any suggestions or tips when they’ve dealt with something similar? Anything helps, I’m just feeling really unmotivated and shitty but I’m tired of feeling like this and I want to try and help my mental state in some way.

[meangirlnurse]

anyone else remember being a child and seeing the very neat handwriting of other little girls and somehow knowing that you were a different genre of person than they were

[lunarconception-deactivated2021]

literally no…i remember seeing bad handwriting & thinking “oh these other kids must be orphans or something”

[meangirlnurse]

fascinating to hear from the other genre, thanks for your contribution

[nyctosaurid]

famous works with titles that are unabashedly stupid but we dont notice because they’re so ingrained in pop culture

[nyctosaurid]

star wars

[professionalkinkshaming]

[banjokabooby-deactivated2023060]

Kip how could you hide this gem in the tags

[sarcasticmudkip]

[vinceaddams]

“lives in my head rent-free” is such a strange expression. Does anything in your head actually pay rent?

[defectivegembrain]

the little mouse who lives in my frontal lobe is my only source of income

[plum-soup]

Bus drivers who see you running and open their hole are better public servants than any cop.

[one-venti-neurosis]

their what now?

[confusedbyinterface]

[toxictiktoks]

[fatsexybitch]

Stabbys great grand pappy, Slashy

[nickelwounds]

highlighting @werewolf-boi ’s threatening tags

[randomencounters]

Encounter: security sentries outside the lair of a particularly unhinged villain

[myloveissubliminal]

[electric-tentacles]

[quinnfabrayapologist]

[fluffygif]

This miniature horse in Colombia enjoys cuddling.

[jenniferrpovey]

For anyone asking is this cute, I’m going to say yes.

1. That is a very strong animal. If it wanted her to put it down, there is no way she would be holding it.

2. The position of the ears shows relaxation.

3. Nibbling at hair is how horses show affection. In a herd, they nibble at the base of each other’s manes (the very best way to pet a horse is to scratch the base of the mane about halfway down the neck). With a human they like they go for the hair as the closest equivalent.

So, yes, horse is enjoying cuddles.

Human is also very strong!

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

[mielodie]

[narrativeeating5458]

so we’re really all out here living the same reality?? My dad used to play spider solitaire and would let me move the last card to watch the fireworks, then he graduated to free cell and we used to watch all the cards do the fffffllllllpltpltpltpltplt thing

[gt-r-deactivated20200602]

oh you don’t want me? Only because I look unhealthy and speak in riddles?

[rat-femurs]

in grade 6 and every time we had a movie day or class party id ask my mom for a can of doctor pepper but i had to keep it in my backpack and it always got shaken up and would explode when i opened it bcus we all know dr pepper has much more chaos inside the can than any other soda and anyways my whole class instinctively knew every time that my doctor pepper would explode and we'd have to pause the movie and clean it up and id usually be covered in dr pepper for the rest of the day and be super embarrassed and this happened to me about twelve times throughout the year. you might be wondering why i couldnt keep my dr pepper in my locker until we watched the movie and its because i didnt have a locker in grade six after i left a piece of pumpkin pie that my teacher gave me in there for a month and it rotted and molded so bad and there were maggots everywhere so one day i locked the locker and refused to open it ever again so for a whole year i carried all my stuff around because i was afraid to go to admin and tell them about my maggot pie because someone started a rumor that if the principle figured out you did something bad she would lock you down in the basement storage room that was infamous for having a giant rat that lived inside of it and i was afraid of rats after seeing ratatouille because i thought a rat might climb inside my hair and start controlling me and force me to do things i didnt want to do like make soup

[chokopoppo]

[wikilifeadvice]

make your own foot scrub

[pochowek]

feet are pretty hard to make

dont call me a scrub ever again

[wikilifeadvice]

please stop making me read this