Nathan Baedrian @nathanbaedriann - Tumblr Blog

Wow I haven’t been on here in ages! My little Sadie girl is a year old now and is walking and talking (babbling) and being the best little girl! She also loves being a big sister to her new baby brother! My husband is doing well who knew that my mom’s doctor friend from her Starbuck runs would be my husband and father to my child! Matt is actually on the west coast now and doesn’t see Sadie a lot josh is basically her dad but I hope all is well with you

Sadie is getting so big and she babbles constantly! Ever since Isla passed she's been super clingy to me like she knows I need her love and cuddles. My husband and I had a reception last night to celebrate our wedding and we announced that we were expecting! I'm about 3.5 months along. Matt is engaged! Lula and Hudson are doing well. My husbands dad and his wife got married and had their baby! My husband told me that he loves being a dad to Sadie and to our new baby! Even though it's not here yet

My husband thinks I'm having a boy!

I'm honestly so much sicker with this baby than I was with Sadie. I can't eat anything. I'm cutting Josh's dick off. But he's so happy that he's going to be a dad and have his own baby I can't be too mad

So it's official. My husband and I are expecting!

I need to get something off my chest and since this is pretty anonymous and safe well I think I'm pregnant again. I don't want this baby at all and I don't want an abortion because I can't do that to my husband idk what to do

My husband got mad at me because during one of my breakdowns I told him that I wish god would have taken me instead of Isla and now he won't talk to me. He can't understand the pain I am in. He never can. He didn't lose a child.

Everyday I wonder how I'm going to tell Sadie when she's older that she was a twin and her twin died. It's still so painful. It's been six weeks but it still hurts so much to know that something you had in your womb for 9 months, took care of for 2.5 months and had an amazing bond with didn't wake up the next morning. I've been going to therapy for it. Matt had also been getting help but is doing a lot better than me. Josh has been wonderful

Life update

I've been inactive as of late. I never thought this would happen, especially in 2017 but it did. My Isla Rae passed away in April from SIDS. Sudden infant death syndrome. It's been so hard but I know that I am still a mother to Sadie and a wife to josh. Josh and I went away this past weekend for my 23rd birth and it was nice. Matt and his kids are doing well! Hudson is 10!!! Hope all is well with you

Sadie is doing well! She's home. Isla is currently at Matt's. I don't want them near each other until she's 100% better. Also, my husband found out that he got an interview for a new job and I hope he gets it because it's such a good job and he'll be working with teens and adolescents. A lot of them will be trans and I think it will be such a powerful and rewarding job for him

Sadie is actually just like me. Like I said earlier she has been so cuddly and attached to me lately. Well, my little baby has a fever and is burning up. And when I'm sick, I just want my mom (still to this day) My husband and I took her to the ER and we're both terrified. My husband (who was an pediatric ER Doctor) said "I never thought I would be on the other end of this. Parents always sort of annoyed me when I can't tend to their child constantly, but now I understand" I am so worried. I hate this.

So Lula came over to my house for a few hours one day and she was sitting at my kitchen counter and my husband was cooking and I was sitting next to her. we were talking and I asked her if she liked her dad's new girlfriend and she rolled hey eyes and said "Kendra, she's the biggest bitch" I thought my husband was going to chop his finger off. She said "she is so bossy. She tells daddy what to do" Josh said "does your dad listen to her?" And this 6 year old genius said "of course. He's whipped." Like how does she know this?! Her mom must be saying this stuff to her.

My husband wants to watch me have sex with a woman and I literally laughed so hard

So Sadie usually doesn't like me and only wants me to hold her when she's hungry. Well these last few days all she wants is me. Soon as I put her down, she'll start getting fussy. I'm not used to this from her and it makes me so happy. I don't think I've been an affectionate mother towards her till now because she would scream and carry on every time I would.

Sometimes my husbands honesty bothers me. Like this morning he was on the phone with his "nan" and I said "I can't wait to meet her" because she's such a big influence in his life and he literally laughed and said "the feeling isn't mutual. She doesn't like you. She doesn't like that I married a woman who just had babies to another man three weeks after they were born" I was shocked that he said this to me like I get that he's honest and I'm actually kind of glad but she doesn't even know me and I hope that he defends me. But I kind of went crazy and said "those girls are going nowhere near her" and he just rolled his eyes

So I haven't been myself since the babies were born, I'm finally starting to get more back into my groove though. When they were first born I felt bad that I didn't feel this bliss that I should have felt. I also found it extremely hard to bond with Sadie. The first month of her life I thought she hated me. One night, they're about three weeks old, she starts screaming. Luckily, my husband is with me because I just broke down. I think I cried for an hour. I said some things about her that I shouldn't have. There were days where I didn't even get out of bed and every time that I would hear them I would just start crying. My husband, who is not even their father took care of them when I was like this. He didn't yell at me or didn't tell me to cut it out he just said that it's normal and that I need a break every once in awhile. One day though, they cried from the time they woke up to the time my husband came from work. I had literally packed my bags and was getting ready to leave. I couldn't handle it anymore. But my husband comforted me and told me that he didn't think I should because that's what his mom did and he doesn't want me to have to live with the heartache that his mom lives with knowing she left her child. I'm finally happy though. I think that postpartum depression is normal and I think every mom goes through it.

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Nathan Baedrian