Track 7 from Mekakucity Reload. Please support Jin by buying the album or listening on Apple Music/Spotify!
JAPANESE
滲んだ帰り道 斜陽に凪いだ歩道
徐に歩調を速めて
遅れない様に 惑わない様に
視線に染まって
また流されて 離れていく
見えなくなっていく
浮かんだ八月に 祭囃子の音
瑠璃色に 霞んだ坂道
忘れない様に 零さない様に
頼りない記憶が ずっと瞬いている
今になって 思い出すんだ
君の歌った 「大人が嫌いな歌」を
青い影 笑い声 切なさも全部
夏枯れたままで 心に遺った
淡い未来の色も まだ解らない
あの日から僕らは 大人ぶったままだ
蝉時雨、追い掛け 行き着いた「今日」も
思い思いの色を 探してた「昨日」も
通り過ぎて行くよ 夕焼け空と一緒に
変わらない様に 離さない様に
結んだ手が スッと解けて
終わった八月に 二つ、影の模様
覚束無い記憶に ずっと佇んでいる
潤んだ目も 乾かさないまま
君は笑った 「さよなら」って 寂しそうに
片蔭り 通り雨 言えなかった想いを
つまらない言葉で 心に隠した
西明かりの色が まだ蘇る
空回りの僕らは すれ違ったままだ
苦笑い、繰り返し 知りすぎた「今日」を
思い思いの術で 「明日」に託して
通り過ぎていくのかな 勘違いと一緒に
解夏 噴井の音色
アケビ 線路 炎陽
噎せ返る様な
色めいていく様な
まだ僕はきっと 大人ぶったままで
掠れない気持ちを 抱えたままで
青嵐の音が 大人しくなって
夕涼みの歌が 懐かしくなった
青い影 笑い声 「さよなら」の季節は
繰り返すうちに 遠い過去になって
届かない処へ 遥か遠のく
残された僕らは 変わらないから
急ぎ足の帰り道も 蜃気楼になって
眩しくって泣いてた あの日に戻って
遠回りをしよう 昨日の僕と一緒に
ROMAJI
Nijinda kaerimichi shayou ni naida hodou
Omomuro ni hochou o hayamete
Okurenai you ni madowanai you ni
Shizen ni somatte
Mata nagasarete hanareteiku
Mienaku natte iku
Ukanda hachigatsu ni matsuri hayashi no oto
Ruri iro ni kasunda sakamichi
Wasurenai you ni kobosanai you ni
Tayorinai kioku ga zutto mataiteiru
Ima ni natte omoidasunda
Kimi no utatta “otona ga kirai na uta” o
Aoi kage warai koe setsunasa mo zenbu
Natsugareta mama de kokoro ni nokotta
Awai mirai no iro mo mada wakaranai
Ano hi kara bokura wa otona butta mama da
Semishigure oikake ikusuita “kyou” mo
Omoi omoi no iro o sagashiteta “kinou” mo
Toorisugite iku yo yuuyake sora to isshou ni
Kawaranai you ni hanasanai you ni
Musunda te ga sutto tokete
Owatta hachigatsu ni futatsu kage no moyou
Obotsukanai kioku ni zutto tatazundeiru
Urunda me mo kawakasanai mama
Kimi wa waratta “sayonara” tte sabishi sou ni
Katakageri toori ame ienakatta omoi o
Tsumaranai kotoba de kokoro ni kakushita
Nishi akari no iro ga mada yomigaeru
Karamawari no bokura wa surechigatta mama da
Nigaiwarai kurikaeshi shirisugita “kyou” o
Omoi omoi no jutsu de “ashita” ni takushite
Toorisugiteiku no kana kanchigai to isshou ni
Gege fukii no neiro
Akebi senro enyou
Musekaeru you na, Iromeite iku you na
Mada boku ha kitto otona butta mama de
Kasurenai kimochi o kakaeta mama de
Seiran no oto ga otonashiku natte
Yuusuzumi no uta natsukashiku natte
Aoi kage warai koe “sayonara” no kisetsu wa
Kurikaesu uchi ni tooi kako ni natte
Todokanai tokoro e haruka toonoku
Nokosareta bokura wa kawaranai kara, aa
Isogi ashi no kaeri michi mo shinkirou ni natte
Mabushikutte naiteta ano hi ni modotte
Toumawari o shiyou kinou no boku to isshou ni
ENGLISH
The blurry way home, a walkway lulled in the setting sun
I suddenly hasten my step
So I won’t be late, so you won’t be confused,
Dyed in my gaze,
I see you’re swept away from me again, and we separate.
I can’t see you anymore.
The sounds of festival music in the August now upon us
The misty hill in lapis lazuli blue.
So that I won’t forget, so that I won’t let them shed,
My unreliable memories were always flickering within me
At this point, I remember
The song you sung, about “hating the adults”.
The blue shadows, the laughing voices, and the heartache,
They all remained in my heart, in the midst of its summer slump
I still don’t know the tone of the faint future,
After that day, we’re still pretending to be adults
A chorus of cicadas, the “today” that we chased after and arrived at,
And the “yesterday” that we sought after, of whatever kind we like,
They go and pass by me, together with the sunset sky.
So that I won’t change, so that I won’t let go,
Our bound hands, suddenly come undone
The image of two shadows, at the end of August,
Had always stayed still in my unsteady memories
Though your eyes were wet, you left them undried,
As you smiled, saying “goodbye”, in a way that seemed so lonely.
The shade of leaves, the downpours, the unspoken thoughts
Were hidden in my heart, with boring words
I can still recall the colours of the twilight
As we ran about aimlessly, passing each other by
The wry smiles, the repetitive “today” that I know too much about,
It’s sent into “tomorrow” by whatever means we like
I wonder, will it pass by me, with everything I mistook?
The summer solution*, the timbre of gushing water fountains,
Akebia, railway tracks, the summer sun.
Like I choke up, like I brighten up,
I must still be pretending to be an adult,
Still holding on to these un-blurred feelings.
The sound of the fresh wind has become so grown up,
The songs of the cool evening have become so nostalgic.
The blue shadows, the laughing voices, the season to say “goodbye”,
While it repeated again and again, it became the distant past.
It’s become so far and distant, to a place I can’t reach,
Because we, who were left behind, haven’t changed.
That rushing back home becomes a mirage,
Returning to those days, where you cried so radiantly,
Let’s take a detour, together with yesterday’s me.
*解夏 (Gege) – the end of a geango (夏安居), a “summer retreat where monks stay in the same place to study”. The kanji literally means “solution” and “summer”. I suppose it implies the end of a summer break.
(*this is my translation. Jin’s writing tends to be interpretive and the lack of sentence subject within Japanese means that I’ve had to take some liberties with translating, like adding in “I” and “you”. Please be conscious that it’s possible that there is more than one way to interpret the lyrics.)
"Didn't I tell you? You can go slow. There's no laws. Because this is the Invisible City- A city where you can enjoy your freedom."
Souhei didn’t think he ended up passing out, but he didn’t really know. Basically, when his vision and consciousness fitted together and he got up, he realised that he was in a room before he knew it.
"Ah, you're awake."
When he looked to where the voice came from, there was a middle-school-aged boy sitting at his feet. His hair was prickly and sticking up like a hedgehog. He peered intently at Souhei’s face, and left with "It's not that swollen after all”.
It seemed he was lying on a wall-side bench. Souhei put his feet on the floor, and looked around. This must be what you’d call a ‘bar’. It wasn’t like he’d been somewhere like this before, he’d seen them in movies and commercials. From the dim room and lights, and the room's appearance, the word 'bar' seemed appropriate after all. Inside there were 5 long tables, 6 seats on each, where many people were sitting and chatting. When his gaze shifted to the side, he could see there were about 10 round chairs placed by the counter, in the middle sat a single boy. He turned towards Souhei.
"Hey."
It was the boy called Seiji. Below his grey hair he had an androgynous face, from a glance he could look like a woman. It seemed that the word 'beautiful' was appropriate for his almond shaped eyes and thin and high nose. His long-sleeved shirt was rolled up at the elbow and the legs passing through his slender pants were crossed. Even though his clothes were casual, for some reason Souhei thought he looked like a model.
"That was a disaster." He said looking Souhei in the eye. "I heard from Riina. You just arrived here, didn’t you? My bad for earlier. It's only because he was hot-headed."
"Umm..." Souhei groaned. He heard the boy's words properly, but his brain had only just woken up so it took some time for him to digest their meaning.
As he stroked his hazy head with his hand, Souhei looked around the room once more. Riina was sitting on a chair placed in the corner. She wasn't doing anything, just sitting. She was so still, you’d think she was a decoration.
"Is where you were hit ok?"
Souhei gasped, and transferred the hand stroking his head to his left cheek. His lower cheekbone gradually seemed to tinge with heat, but it was probably nothing serious.
"I don’t know why, but I guess you were already hurt. It looked healed so I took the bandage off."
The bandages from his fight with Hijiri were no longer wrapped around his arm. But that didn't matter. Now the inside of his head had become clear, Souhei finally met the boy's gaze.
"...You're Seiji from <<clouds>>, right?"
His tongue moved mostly on its own. Many of the people by the tables closed their mouths, silence fell over the room. But Souhei had no time to notice them. The boy in front of his eyes looked exactly like the lead singer of the rock band <<clouds>>. Before, Haruka had shown him their videos. Souhei remembered the images uploaded on the video sharing site on the internet.
The surrounding people looked towards Souhei in silence, but soon a faint amount of a smile appeared on Seiji’s lips.
"So you know about <<clouds>>"
"So you really are Seiji- Ah, Seiji-san...?"
"Don’t worry about the honorific. In any case, it’d be a big help if you told me your name"
"Ah, Souhei- It's... Souhei Shima."
"Souhei. You're right, I'm Seiji. I'm the lead singer from <<clouds>>. That’s what I’m called here, so you can call me that too, Souhei.”
The confident way that he said it, as if it were too obvious, took Souhei aback, he had nothing more to ask. The room couldn't maintain the silence any more. There were those who were somehow trying to watch over the course of events, but there were also those had already lost interest and returned to their conversations.
"Anyway, how much have you heard from Riina? About us and this city."
Souhei looked over at Riina once more. However she showed no indication of movement. She didn’t enter the other boys’ conversations. On the table there were several people having fun with playing cards.
"Well, um..."
That term still wasn’t realistic to Souhei, he was simply hesitant to speak.
"Invisible people-" it was like Seiji read his heart. "-We are invisible people. And now you’ve come here too."
"I, I've only been an invisible person for a little while... But still... I don't know anything. So..."
"You want me to tell you." Seiji said.
Souhei nodded.
"Also about this city (?)"
"This is the Invisible City- A city where invisible people live. We cooperate and live here."
"It's not that, no, that's important but... how does this city exist? In what way, is what I mean... That’s what I don’t understand."
In any case, it seems completely unreal.
"That's talking about invisible people." Seiji spoke calmly. "But we don't know a whole lot about ourselves. Basically we realised that our bodies turned invisible. Then we staggered over to this city- almost unconsciously. If I’m being honest with you, the existence of invisible people is pretty contradictory. We’re only invisible to the eye, but despite that we can still maintain visibility somehow with each other. This city’s the same. This space being hidden in the alley is pretty unscientific. But it’s rare for these two things to come together. People have guessed what the source is, like, it can’t be this and it can’t be that, but it started to make people feel depressed. The residents have been guessing for a really long time now.”
"...A long time?" Souhei spoke in disarray.
"People say that this city has existed for a long time. Souhei, have you heard of the old Chinese tale of "The Peach Blossom Spring"?"
"From Tao Yuanming?” since it was such an unexpected question, he answered reflexively.
"Yes, that. Have you read it?"
"Just a little..." Souhei said shyly.
In fact, he didn't exactly read it with enthusiasm. He simply just glanced through his new book that the ancient literary student called Tao Yuanming wrote.
“A ‘hidden paradise’, that’s to say, somewhere where ordinary people don’t know about.” Seiji began the story. "It begins with a fisherman going down a river on a boat, and entering an unknown place hidden in the blooming peach blossoms. After passing through a cave in the mountain-side, he finds a beautiful village there. The villagers don’t know anything about the current world and its events. When the man asks, they answer with this - the villagers’ ancestors cultivated the earth there long ago, and they continued to live without knowing what was happening outside, without any major growth. But the villagers lived happily in this peaceful space that nobody knew about."
Seiji continued to speak.
"In Japan too, in Kunio Yanagita’s compiled book ‘The Legends of Tono’, there's the tale of ‘The Stray House’. A lone girl lost deep in the mountains discovers a beautiful mansion and goes inside, but even though she can't see any other people there, it seems like someone’s living there for some reason. But that seems to be a legend about some kind of spirit world.”
"Seiji's telling serious stories again" A woman nearby said. She was a similarly aged girl to Souhei wearing a short skirt. "I don't get it."
"...What do you mean?" Souhei returned his gaze from the girl to Seiji. He didn't know the end of the story. Besides, he began feeling bad again for some reason. He was still sitting on the bench, but he now wanted to lie down.
"I think these stories are about people finding invisible people. Which would mean that invisible people have existed for a long time."
"...But you’re not an invisible person, right? I’ve seen you again and again in the videos you put out ."
"Of course you can. Because I'm also from the outside world. Just like you and the other residents.”
"Outside world?"
"The world from outside- I'm talking about to the world you and I lived in until now. But one day I became invisible in that world. All the residents here did. When I did, I realised my own body couldn't be seen by anyone- regardless of gender or age. I couldn’t tell if genes or any other traits played a part in it, but let me tell you something, the residents of the Invisible City all lived with some kind of trouble in their lives.”
Seiji's words had a slightly hesitant tone.
"...Trouble?”
Souhei directed his eyes to the surrounding girls and boys. When Seiji saw him do that, he smiled slightly.
“I don’t mean they were involved in crime or whatever. I guess what I mean is… all of these people have difficult pasts, that they don’t like to talk about too much. When they realised they were invisible, they walked to that back alley half unconsciously. Like something was calling them. Then before they knew it they were in the city.”
"Unconsciously?" Souhei slanted his head.
"Mostly. That’s how I felt. I felt like my own legs belonged to someone else. It felt like I was being carried to that alleyway. Didn't you?"
"Cube..." it scattered out of Souhei’s mouth.
Seiji stopped in surprise. "...What?"
"Ah, uhh, --- I wanted to ask, did you not... find a cube?" Souhei asked while enduring the spinning in his head.
"Cube? What are you talking about?" Seiji made a face like a child who was just woken up from being asleep.
Souhei panicked when he saw that.
"S-sorry. Don't worry about it. It's nothing...."
Souhei thought back as he heard what Seiji had to say. Something happened in the point in time between him and Haruka splitting up, and him realising he had become an invisible person. When he really thought about it, he felt like there were no other characteristic events that happened apart from picking up the cube – that memory might be what made Souhei suddenly mutter. That voice, that heat, what on earth was that?
On top of that, he was fatigued, but he wouldn’t call his state mostly unconscious. He simply just saw the clock tower, and ended up being led by the cat’s voice. He was only doing that on his own free will.
However, judging from the reaction Seiji had, Souhei guessed that his case wasn’t really connected to that. The cube was just somebody else’s. Whether he was conscious or not, since he got here in the end, it probably wasn’t important.
Seiji shrugged and continued talking.
"...Anyway, Souhei, you can live in this city from now on. Together with us."
"---Huh." Still feeling dizzy, that proposal tugged on his consciousness. "Me? Here?"
"Although, I won't stop you from going somewhere else." Seiji's smile was the opposite to his unkind words, he wasn't being sarcastic.
Souhei closed his open mouth. It didn't seem necessary for him to prepare an answer. It was a place where fights were always happening, for example, but it was far better than staying hidden in a world where no one can see you. That's what he tried to think. Besides, he finally understood of the source of his poor physical condition.
"There is one thing I’d like though..." He was hesitant to ask for this at the first time meeting this person, but he was at his wit's end. If a person's stamina was how much water you could hold in a bucket, Souhei wouldn't even have enough for a cup.
"What is it?" Seiji tilted his head. "What can I do?"
Souhei bowed his head without any energy. If you think about it he didn't eat or drink at all yesterday.
"I'd like something to eat."
Souhei went up to the rooftop and felt the comfortable wind on his cheeks and hair. He felt like raising his voice in delight at the nourishment returned to his body.
Souhei, now together with Seiji and Riina, looked out over a panorama of the city.
A short while ago, a boy with a shaved head behind the bar counter made Souhei a meal. He guessed from the boy’s slightly bearded jaw that he might be a little older. The food served before his eyes was simple, donburi put together with ginger-fried pork and a fried egg, Souhei's stomach which had nothing to eat for 2 days sucked it up in a flash.
Seiji, who was sitting next to him, laughed at seeing that.
However after he finished eating Souhei finally realised and disclosed timidly that he didn't have any money. When he fled from his house after having a fight with his aunt, he didn't go to get his wallet.
But the boy with the shaved head laughed heartily.
"We don't have money or nothin’ in this city"
Souhei couldn't believe his ears.
"...You don't have money?"
"Yup. Y'know people can live without money."
He was suddenly unable to believe it, Seiji smiled slightly next to him.
"There's a lot of things you'll have to think about in this city"
Come with me, Souhei followed on those words of his. Riina stuck behind them. That’s how the three came up to the rooftop.
Under the blue sky, Souhei looked around at the scenery. It felt nice having a large open view. Thus he was able to guess what this city was like, though it was still vague.
"What do you think?" Seiji said.
"...It's trapped in the wall?" Souhei answered.
"Right. If you saw it from high up it’d probably look like a square."
This Invisible City is composed mostly of groups of buildings. They are all reasonably old. Those buildings seemed to become stuffed together to create four surrounding walls.
Those walls that rose in the distance were much more giant than the buildings. They looked like a level mountain range. They possessed such intimidation you’d swallow without even thinking about it when you saw them. But Souhei thought that might just be his imagination.
"Who built those walls?"
Seiji shook his head. His hair waved in the wind.
"I don't know about those walls. I wonder what’s over them. Even though they’re bound with nails they don’t have a single scratch on them, and they’re impossible to climb. I said so earlier, but the crack in the alleyway is the only thing that leads outside. According to the elderly people in the city, apparently the walls were lower a long time ago."
"Lower?”
"But since they kept building more and more buildings, they say they notice the wall getting higher. The elderly people say ‘There's a God in the Invisible City’. Maybe you think that’s a wild idea, but I don’t mind if they believe that. With what the city’s like, it’s possible.”
Souhei thought it certainly was possible. The only thing he’s felt since coming here is surprised, and he’ll probably keep being surprised again and again. He felt like having the enthusiasm to say ‘I won’t be surprised anymore’ was pointless. That’s why he thought it was possible there might be a God here.
"What did you mean by ‘building more and more buildings’?"
"Weren’t you surprised? They're dark, dirty and damp. The city's full of places where the sunlight doesn't hit. Look."
Seiji returned his gaze to the surroundings.
"They’re uneven, aren’t they? This is the result of more and more buildings being built here. They're like building blocks."
The heights of the surrounding buildings were all slightly different. A few of them obviously stood out.
"A long time ago, the villagers seemed to each get their own way. Each of the buildings started to join together on the inside, but because they were built without planning they’ve become horribly complicated. Even the different floor levels are mismatched. Just like a labyrinth. Actually you need to be careful, residents have gotten lost before.”
Something like getting lost, he’d never exaggerate something like that, right? --- Souhei thought to himself, trying to bear Seiji’s words in mind. They had to walk inside two different buildings by the time they arrived at this rooftop, but he didn’t remember if they’d been made into one path. If he was to say ‘I’m going back alone to the bar we were in before’, he’d be done for.
"Is there only one road in this city?"
He pointed at the road where the fight happened as he spoke. From the position Souhei was currently standing in, it was like Moses parting the Red Sea, cliffs opened left and right. If you fell off one it’d be an instant death.
"No, there are five paths." Seiji shook his head. "Under those cliffs is the city's main street. There's a small path along the wall there too. It does a full rotation. It's about 10 minutes walking from end to end."
When he explained it, Souhei imagined it in his head, I get it. Since the city seems like a square, then the road’s probably laid out like a shape with a long line pierced through the middle of it, like the “田” (ta) from “田んぼ” (tanbo / rice paddy).
Souhei changed the point of his gaze. It caught his eye ever since he came up to the rooftop. The clock tower was standing there.
"That thing's like a lighthouse. That’s what we see it as."
"A lighthouse?"
Placed a short distance away from Souhei and Seiji, Riina stood and stared off. The clock tower was built 50 meters behind her, the one with no hands which you could see from the outside world. With a form that seemed to poke the sky, the clock face was decorated with four bearings, but even so none of them had hands- from Souhei's current position you could only see two of the bearings. The clock tower was also built on top of a building, if you went to the top you could probably get a sweeping view of the city, more than you could from here.
"Did you notice? You can see that from the outside. That clock tower can only be seen by invisible people. It's become a landmark for residents that leave to the outside world, so they don't get lost on the way home."
Seiji put his hands in his pockets.
"...Why can you see it from the outside? It looks lower than the wall..." Souhei said.
"It actually is lower." Seiji nodded. "But even so, I don't know the principles behind it. All I can say is that the space bends it…”
Souhei looked around at his surroundings restlessly. Things he didn't understand were piling up as tall as a mountain, but he didn't know what was ok to ask. Riina was standing somewhere a little distance away as she was before. He didn’t have a clue what she was thinking about.
Suddenly Souhei changed the aim of his questions.
"Are you this city's leader?"
Seiji made a face like a pigeon being shot by a peashooter.
"Why do you think so?"
"Why...? Everyone calmed down after hearing your voice at the fight earlier, didn’t they? That's why I think so. It was like adults around the fight couldn't do anything."
"I don't really know if I’m necessarily the 'leader'. Because it’s rare for us to get adults in this city, they don’t work, so I thought I was the only one who would do anything.”
Seiji sat down on top of a nearby concrete block.
"...What do you mean?"
"It means what you think. They don't work. It’s like after midday they start drinking and gambling - because we don't have money I think they bet on alcohol. It's strange, at some point the residents that had been working ever since they came to the city when they were younger suddenly stopped doing anything. But hey, I guess since it’s the Invisible City they’ll still get to eat even if they don’t do any work.”
He remembered the elderly people holding bottles. Souhei turned his head to the side.
"Well, how do you live here then?"
"The adults that don't work? Or the people who aren't adults that have to work-- in other words, us. The guy that made a meal for you earlier is too. He's called Jirou, his job’s a chef. He'll cook anything for the residents that work for his ingredients. Whether you’re a carpenter or a cleaner or a barber, there's lots of other jobs each shared between residents. So there’ll be something assigned to you too, Souhei.”
Souhei waited in silence for his next words. He predicted the flow of the conversation as he listened to Seiji’s words. He obviously intended for Souhei to do something.
"I want you to be a purveyor together with Riina."
Just then the wind blew and stroked his cheek. After Souhei turned around to the girl, he directed his eyes towards Seiji again.
"A purveyor? What is that?"
He thought it was a word with a strange sound to it.
"This city has most things. It has fields and rice paddies. It has livestock. Wind power makes the electricity and it has gas--- they sometimes break, but it has them anyway. We’ve got everything you could need, it's almost a complete world."
Seiji looked over at Riina too.
"But it’s not like we’ve got everything. There will always be things that we need. Riina's job is to acquire those things from the outside. But the current situation is unmanageable by herself. Until now we temporarily let the other residents that have jobs go, but... how do I put this, I don't want to let too many residents leave."
Seiji's articulation became slightly worse.
"Why?" Souhei noticed his state.
"...Because it's dangerous. You understand?"
He spoke like he was confiding a secret. So that’s why, Souhei agreed in his head. It was a simple yet convincing reason. Thus he suddenly understood that this city was safe for invisible people.
"From what I’ve seen you seem to be in good shape, Souhei, when I was about to be beaten up, you jumped out without a moment of delay. Have you had any practice?"
"Huh, oh... Yeah. In middle school, I was in the track and field club..."
That’s a past that I don’t really want to remember.
“Really!" Seiji spoke in a light voice, as if he was impressed. "I get it now, that's great. You'll catch up with Riina."
"Catch up?"
Souhei didn't understand what that meant, but Seiji just smiled slightly. Then he stood up.
"You'll see. You won't need to leave on a purveyal for a little while, so until then you can go slowly, Souhei. Riina can teach you when the time comes."
"What do you mean...'slowly'? What am I supposed to do?" Though he still didn’t know left from right, when Seiji said that he got worried. Souhei was confused.
Seiji slapped his knee like he suddenly remembered something and looked at Souhei.
"I forgot to tell you something."
"What?”
"We don't have laws in this city. I haven’t heard about having them the past either, I don't plan to make any now. But we have a single rule, with this one rule we’ll be completely protected.”
He had serious eyes, like a shining blade.
Souhei was slightly nervous.
"It's that the people from the outside world absolutely cannot learn about our existence. With this one rule we’ll absolutely be protected."
Seiji's voice was firm. People from the outside world- once Souhei heard that, he started to feel like all the people he was involved with until now were on an opposite shore.
"...That's the law?"
"Right. By 'existence' I mean both invisible people and the Invisible City. Souhei, can you imagine what would happen if we became known? I can't. I’m sure it’d turn awful. And there’s no question it’d be really bad for us. The residents like this city- both the adults and children. But if it’s discovered, at the very least we wouldn't be able continue living quietly, would we?"
Seiji's eyes were filled with power.
Obviously it was difficult to imagine what it would be like if those two existences were found out. In Souhei's head, the words "Police" and "Mass media" popped up, but he couldn't imagine how they would work. It would be like the world suddenly turned upside down.
Let's go back now, when Seiji said that he walked off. Souhei spoke in a hurry.
"Well, what should I do until I start my job?"
Seiji's voice was light.
"Didn't I tell you? You can go slow. There's no laws. Because this is the Invisible City- A city where you can enjoy your freedom."
He timidly opened his shut-tight eyes, and once he ascertained the reason why this scenery was spread before him, Souhei was shocked.
"...What is, this place?"
He was standing in the middle of the usual bright pedestrian traffic.
He couldn't close his open mouth. He should be in the back alley he was just wandering around in- why was he here? Forgetting to close his mouth, Souhei's gaze ran here and there.
It was a town he never saw before.
The buildings lined up on either side of the street were all old-fashioned, and much more worn out than Souhei’s house in the municipal housing built over 20 years ago. If it was lit it would probably look just like an abandoned castle. That group of buildings that stood shoulder to shoulder, were at the end of what seemed to be an endless road. The end couldn’t be seen very well.
There were people. People just walking, people talking in hushed voices, there were lots of people sitting and drinking on the side of the road. But none of them had an astonished face like Souhei did. Instead, they seemed a little different to the residents of the city Souhei knew.
Souhei suddenly noticed something and turned around. There was a giant wall before his eyes. He looked up to the top. The robust wall towered over its surroundings, it was tall enough to reach the top of the store. The crack like a rising dragon was on it. The crack was very similar to the one on the multipurpose building wall.
I don't understand.
What the heck is this place? Is this a dream? If that's the case where did this dream come from?
"Aah... crap."
When he stepped back he kicked. Souhei was about to cry. Why is this happening to me? If the person scheming this is lurking somewhere he wanted them to come show their face right away. He’d beg and cry to please return to before.
But at any rate, nobody answered him.
The truth felt unshakable, like an iron wall, for some reason he felt incredibly pissed off. Maybe he felt like that from the very moment he became an invisible person. When you really think about it, you can do whatever you like if you’re an invisible person. Now he was mad, he came up with a different idea. Nobody could see his body. In other words, nobody could blame him, since it’s a complete safe zone, he should be able to do what he wanted.
He got started in this unknown city. He walked around as he pleased. Selfishly. Insolently. He didn't care about what happened now. Souhei, in half desperation, daringly turned around, he finally tried to walk out of this unknown city.
At that moment, both a 'thud' noise and a shock travelled from his brains to his feet. Like his consciousness was completely snatched away-
Like a movie, the scene shifted abruptly. That's what it was like for Souhei.
Before he realised, his eyes were open. But because he didn’t remember the ceiling before his eyes at all, he wasted quite a lot of time, even though his memories were withdrawn from him.
The moment he remembered up until now, Souhei jumped up. The futon his body remained on until now seemed to bounce back from the momentum.
"-Ah ouch!..." He felt like lightning struck the top of his head. Souhei quickly held his head with both hands. "Ow ow ow..."
When he moaned in pain,
"I'm, sorry."
"-Eh?" he raised his face in surprise.
Mouth gaping stupidly, Souhei gazed forwards at a single girl, she held her knees on the wood-panel flooring.
"I'm, sorry." she said again.
Who is this? While holding both hands on his head Souhei looked at her with teary eyes. He suddenly thought back on who this girl he didn't know could be. He didn’t remember her face at all. She was thin and slender, her skin was slightly dark. She was wearing some casual clothes, like a tank top and denim pants.
Souhei stared straight into her eyes. She also looked straight back at him. Their two gazes absolutely collided right now.
And when he realised the reality he was shocked.
"...You can-" Souhei's voice shook. "-see me?"
The girl nodded. Her short hair swayed.
Souhei didn't say anything for a while because of his strong emotions. He was so moved that he couldn’t do anything. After a while he said "I'm glad..." and his true feelings leaked out from deep in his throat. I really am glad... When the tears started to come out, he had to squeeze his eyelids shut.
"Why are, you glad?" the girl said.
Souhei shook his head. "It's nothing... Well, it's stupid, but I thought I turned into an invisible person..."
When he tried to put it into words he got embarrassed, and laughed a little. This must all have been a bad dream. There’s no way people can become invisible. Other people can see my body, so that can’t be the truth.
But, where did that dream come from? No, before that I need to try and understand what this place is. Souhei rubbed the inner corners of his eyes and glanced around the inside of this room.
It was a homely wooden floored room. At Souhei's house, he was allocated 6-jo* from his aunt for his room, it was a little more narrow here. A bare lightbulb with an umbrella lampshade was hanging down from the ceiling, though there was a plain chair placed in the corner of the room, there was nothing else. There was a badly fitted glass window, the sliding door on the opposite side seemed to connect to the outside. Light was overflowing from the polished glass in that window to his eyes, he then finally recognised it was around noon.
*(Japanese rooms are measured by tatami mats. 6 tatami mats is the size of a standard room, and around 9m2)
Souhei's tried to search for a memory of why he was in here.
"You are, an invisible, person."
When he heard those few words, they connoted a strange feeling. He slowly returned his eyes to the girl's face.
"...Huh?"
Without smiling or seeming embarrassed, the girl said again.
"Invisible people. You, and me."
Souhei stared at the unknown girl’s face. He didn't feel like she was lying or joking. She said it like a fact, like "Today it's raining."
"What are you... Invisible people-" Souhei tried to make a smile with all his might. Even though he started to talk, he forgot what to say. "---That's stupid. If that's true, how come you can... see my body?"
But the girl replied curtly. "Because, you're also, an invisible person."
"-I don't believe that."
The girl sat up. "Stand."
As she said that the girl turned on the lightbulb from the ceiling. Souhei stood up, taking care not to shake his head.
"Look, your feet." The girl said.
"What?" Souhei looked down at his own feet. On the flimsy thin mattress, there were two bare feet. He glanced over at the corner of the room, his shoes were placed there. It didn’t seem like this room had an entrance hall over there.
(*玄関 genkan – “entrance hall”, usually in Japanese houses there is a ledge between the door and the inside of the house where you put your shoes)
"Understand?" The girl said. As usual there was a lack of expression on her face.
"...Uh, what?" Souhei raised his face.
"There's no, shadow."
"Shadow?" When Souhei lowered his gaze once more he finally realised. Certainly there was no shadow on the floor behind him.
"...Why?"
"Because you're, an invisible person."
The girl who said that didn't have a shadow by her feet either. Since there was a fluorescent lamp with the lights on in front of him then if they were indoors, even if it was midday, it should create a shadow. I didn't realise at all when I broke into school, or when I went home to see my aunt, or at the park, my shadow wasn't there.
"Invisible person... really..."
"Come, with me."
"Where is this place?" Souhei interrupted the girl's voice. "How do you live? Do you live here?.”
"This is, the Invisible City."
Those unfamiliar words surprised Souhei.
"...Invisible City?”
"A city, for, invisible people." The girl slowly opened the room's window. "Look."
Still on his guard, when he timidly looked out the window, he looked down at the main road he saw last night from upstairs. It seemed like this room was in one of the worn out buildings. To Souhei’s left, he saw a wall which obstructed the main road. The giant wall, with a crack like a rising dragon, still looked giant from here. There were more people on the street than last night, they were still lively.
"...Is everyone an invisible person?"
Looking down from above, it was obvious from a glance that nobody on the street had a shadow by their feet. The sky was clear. However if you weren’t aware of not having a shadow then you wouldn’t notice the fact that it wouldn’t be there. Whether that it was other people or himself, there really can’t be that many people in the world who check their shadows in their lives
“Yes, they live, here.” The girl muttered behind Souhei. She had a slow way of speaking. It wasn’t like it was simply just slow, it was like she was spinning yarn, she was taking short breathers whenever she could.
Souhei, who drew his head away from the window, picked up his shoes that were placed in the corner of the room. When he confirmed that his socks had been stuffed inside carelessly, he put those on too.
“Where are, you going?” the girl said.
"I'm going back" he answered. He couldn't bare being in this creepy place.
"Where?" the girl said again.
"Where...?" his feet stopped as he tried to leave the room.
Home- that word never came out. Now he was an invisible, where could he go. He wondered whether he wanted to return to where he lived in the first place.
"I want you, to come"
Souhei looked back. "...Where?"
"The place, everyone is."
Who is 'everyone'? But Souhei remembered something else he wanted to ask.
"...What's your name?"
"Riina." The girl answered briefly.
The interiors of the Invisible City's buildings were so complicated it was scary.
They left the room, the girl called Riina leading the way, and things that Souhei didn’t expect happened to him again and again.
The alley wasn't even 50cm wide, the ceiling so low that you couldn’t pass through if you didn't crouch down, holes that you could fall down if you didn’t watch your step appeared, and it was also completely pitch-black. It was here that Souhei finally noticed there weren’t any lit windows. Dull lightbulbs and flickering fluorescent lamps were nominally installed, but didn’t sufficiently light the place up. Souhei bumped into something two times already, he had no idea what he touched.
On the ceiling what looked like countless electric wires and pipes seemed to be arranged in a line, they continued deeper and deeper into the pitch black passageway. He lowered his gaze more or less 180 degrees – maybe it was a roof leak or maybe it was condensation from the pipes – he saw there were puddles of water here and there on the ground. When he focussed his gaze even more, he saw the grime-filled inner walls were peeling.
He breathed in the moist and musky air, Souhei felt like he was lost in the belly of a large beast.
"Why did I pass out?" while he descended the narrow staircase, in order to take his mind off these things he asked to her back. Every time they went down a step there was a squeaking noise.
"Because...I bumped, into you"
I'm sorry, she added in a small voice. If I passed out from just being bumped into, then it must’ve been quite an impact, Souhei thought as he brought his hand up to his head. It seemed like the pain had disappeared.
"...How should I address you?"
"Riina." she answered after a little while. "That's what, everyone, calls me."
So no surname, he thought, but he didn’t ask her.
"Well, you can call me Souhei then. Because my name's Souhei Shima."
"OK."
In my case, there are only a few people who call me by my first name- Souhei muttered in his head.
At the place where the stairs came to an end, an elderly person suddenly jumped out in front of Riina. Souhei was taken aback at that unexpected sight, but he didn’t say anything. Wearing a sloppy and stretched vest, it was an old person who he couldn't distinguish as a grandpa or grandma.
"Let's go." Riina's legs didn't stop.
"Ah, ok..." Souhei followed her.
He glimpsed over, the old person looked up at the air with empty eyes, when Souhei turned around they stank of the smell of alcohol.
Immediately they found the next stairs, when they descended them they finally left the building. Souhei's eyes narrowed in the bright light as he immersed himself in the radiant atmosphere. It felt like the time that took was probably around 10 minutes, walking out from the slightly dirty darkness was pretty mentally tiring.
"Where do we go next?"
Riina didn't answer. Souhei followed her gaze deep into the dead end.
Over there, there were a few figures gathered in the middle of the road. More people joined when they saw what was happening, it immediately became a large gathering. There were also people watching from a distance.
The hustle and bustle nearby reached his ears. For some reason the atmosphere wasn't calm.
"A fight?" Souhei asked
After a little while Riina nodded.
There were less than twenty young people gathered there. What was happening sure wasn’t a fight, but in that touch-and-go atmosphere at the site, people were frenzied like a kettle close to boil. Souhei’s view wasn’t that clear but when he interpreted their quarrelling bellows, he understood that it seemed like there was some conflict between two groups. Souhei looked around him. There were adults and elderly people on both sides of the road, but for some reason they didn't show any sign of moving. They were sitting on a bench placed by some shogi boards, holding bottles in their arms, they looked extremely carefree. They were so unbothered, it was like they were watching a river or gazing at the mountains.
Souhei and Riina knew that they couldn’t confront the older group, they probably don’t care anymore, that being said they weren’t leaving their place. For some reason Riina wasn't moving. In this city where he didn’t know right from left, Souhei wasn’t desperate enough to choose what to do on his own.
"Is that all?!"
"You shithead!!"
It sounded like they were shouting at each other again. A boy with a tattoos that came from his shoulders and looked like snakes coming down his arms and a short, round and fat boy with blond hair were standing in the middle of the crowd, they glared at each other with so little space between them that they touched noses. The tension running around seemed to be emitted from them.
They’re probably the bosses of each group. When Souhei inferred the situation, the tattooed boy suddenly punched the blond boy in the face. The people surrounding them jumped back. But the blonde undauntedly called back on the tattooed boy with a punch to the stomach. The tattooed boy’s body bent into a くshape. That must’ve sunk pretty deep, it looked so painful that he held his stomach with both hands. But the fire had already started before he could regain his composure.
"You fucker!"
"I'll kill you"
"You motherfucker!"
"Bring it on!"
As the language that was so abusive it made you want to close your ears flew about, a fight of punching and kicking had started left and right. The first was like a firework, immediately the quarrel burned up, and in the blink of an eye it had transformed into a huge fight.
It was messy, like a toy-box being thrown around. It became unbelievable. Before Souhei, who was a little panicked, and Riina's eyes, a single boy was punched in the face down to the ground and fell on his back. The boy that punched him immediately got on top of him and dealt even more attacks on the defeated boy. They both looked younger than him, but Souhei couldn’t stop them.
It was a horrible sight. Maybe it should be called a ‘dispute’ rather than a ‘fight’. It was getting that blood-thirsty and violent. In the clouds of dust that rose up, boys on the verge of being knocked-out squatted over and collapsed on both sides of the path. You could see people with blood coming from their faces and bodies. There were also people that stared into space with blank eyes as they lost half their consciousness.
I’ve ended up somewhere unbelievable, Souhei was emotionally overwhelmed. Riina looked at the uproar in silence as usual. I wonder if I can do anything else except be a curious onlooker for now until this fight is resolved --- It was when Souhei started worry about that.
"---Any chance you could wrap this up soon?"
A cold voice seemed to snap from behind him.
The voice wasn’t necessarily that loud. Despite that, it seemed like time stopped around them, a silence where you could hear the sound of clothes rustling in the distance returned.
Souhei turned around fearfully. A single boy stood ahead of the road.
The boy spoke while walking forward, expressing a small smile on his lips.
“How many times has it been now?”
His voice had a slight inflection to it, but it sounded as cold as the winds of Antarctica.
He walked past Souhei’s side, the moment he saw the boy’s face close up he felt something arise in his memory. But he didn't remember what it was straight away.
The boy was indifferent to the group of delinquents before his eyes.
"What the hell’s your reason today?"
The tattooed boy with a swollen right eye nervously emitted his voice. "This guy charged at me."
"Not true!" as blood flowed from the corner of his mouth, the large blond boy raised his voice in protest. "He's the one who came and stared at me.”
"What did you say!?"
"Stop pretending!"
They started whining and arguing again. However,
"Can't you shut up?" and with the boy's few words they completely stopped moving.
They both looked at each other and bumped elbows. Hurry up and explain to him, that’s what they seemed to say with their eyes.
"...Sorry, Seiji” finally the blond lowered his face and spoke. Because of his weakened expression, his round and fat body seem to look smaller in one go. "Just, well... argh. Forgive me."
But Souhei's ears payed attention towards one point in his words. Did he just say ‘Seiji’? He remembered hearing that name somewhere.
The boy sighed deeply.
"You won't do this again if I forgive you now?"
The tattoo and blond shook their heads. "This won’t happen again. Really. Believe us!"
"I don’t know…" Seiji was indifferent as he spoke.
After that the 3 started talking, but then Souhei saw a figure standing behind Seiji.
Blood was dripping from his nose, his body moved with a dubious stride. It was the around middle-school-aged boy who was straddled by someone else earlier and viciously beaten up. Though the T-shirt he wore was shredded and torn he didn’t seem to notice, his bloodshot eyes ran left and right.
You could tell from seeing his eyes that, for some reason, he wasn't in a normal state. When his two eyes caught Seiji, he ran up with a swaying and dubious stride, swung his arm, and-
"-Look o"
ut, that part didn't come out. Souhei reflexively jumped out. Seiji’s face as he turned around grew closer.
This must be real after all, he thought. But I wonder why I’m here. He felt like his head momentarily spun at double-speed, but then in the next moment, fireworks scattered on the underside of Souhei’s eyelids.
Crash! – with that impact, Souhei’s head swayed and he collapsed on the spot. He felt like he heard a loud and sudden voice around him, but he heard it like a voice on the other side of a television screen, it was divided by some distance. I must’ve been punched. But it was just one. It’s not a big deal. However, Souhei couldn’t stand up straight. For some reason there wasn’t any energy in his body at all. Even though his head had enough energy for his arms and legs and he could continue to move his fingertips, he couldn’t hear what was said. It was like his whole body was made out of scraps of mud.
"Are you alright?"
A shadow unexpectedly appeared in the Souhei's view as he lay on his back. What was that, "Are you alright?" I’m not actually. His vision was blurry and his consciousness was becoming hazy.
"Sorry for getting you involved." The shadow said again.
Well whatever, Souhei thought. I mean, I got myself involved.
Kitai hazure no uiikendo akubi dechau wa
Shigeki-teki na mainichi ga sukinano
Omoitsuku mama ni yotei kuruwasete
Jissai mondai chotto daitanna kurai ga seikai ne
Kodomo-jimita sasoi ja akite kichaun no
Hito to chigau keshiki ga mitai no yo
Kinomikino mama de shitai koto o shichau no wa
Touzen no kenri desho?
Dakedo, konna mushiatsui hi wa eiga demo mite
Kurushimu yori tanoshinda mon kachida wa
Zutto choushi koiteiru taiyou mo kitto kanawanai
Watashi dake ga shuujinko no michi no saki e
Susume!
“shiawase” o motto!
“wakuwaku” o zutto! Yokubaru kurai ga choudo ii wa
Toriaezu kyou wa
Eakon no ondo ni-juu-do ni shite
Aisu tabemasho
Senchimento na abanchuuru
Haeta sabiru rou
Otona muke no koi ga shiritai no yo
Sameta natsu no gogo machi ni kuridase do
“Nenrei seigen” bakka doitsu mo koitsu mo shingai ne!
“Kodomo rashiku” da nante hedo ga dechau wa
Zutto “jibun rashiku” ikitai nara
Mazu wa “isei yoku” soshite “akirame waruku” de
Chouryou batsuko iza ikou!
Hora, jama jama doite!
Live & append rough
Kanashinderu hima wa nai no
Live & append rough
Ochikomu to ka dame janai?
Live & append rough
Ureshii toki waraeru no ga
Live & append rough
Sore ga besuto de sho?
Aaa, ashita wa motto kyou yori zutto
Subarashii hi ni kimatteru wa
Owari ni natte mata hajimatte
Tsuduiteku kara akinai no
Saa “kirameki” o motto!
“doki doki” o zutto!
Hoshi gara nakucha mottainai wa
Jibun de erande naite waratte
Tanoshimeru nante saiko ne!
“shiawase” o motto!
“wakuwaku” o zutto!
Yokubaru kurai ga choudo ii wa
Toriaezu kyou wa
Otsukimi demo shitai kibun nano
Esukooto shite yo
Rettsukamon!
Yudan shinai de! Aki sasenai de!
HEY! HEY! HEY!
Yukata wa nansensu!
Tsumazuichau shi arukenai wa!
Ukiashidatte tobikon jaeba
HEY! HEY! HEY!
Ashita ga donna ame furidatte daijoubu yo
Kitto, ii hi da wa
ENGLISH
A disappointing weekend, I let out a yawn
I love having an exciting life, don’t you?
My plans derail as I’m deep in thought
The practical problem has an almost daring correct answer
The invitation’s childish but I’m getting frustrated
I don’t wanna see people, I wanna see some scenery
Doing whatever I want in whatever clothes I’m wearing -
I should have the right to that, right?
But on a day this humid, whatever movie I watch,
I tend to do something more fun than worrying
I always get carried away but I’m definitely no match for the sun
I’m the only one on the path to being a heroine
Go on!
Be more “happy”!
Always be “excited”!
Once you’re greedy for it, it’s just right!
For today,
I’ll have the aircon at 20 degrees
And eat some ice cream
Let’s come on!
Don’t look away! Don’t get frustrated!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Swimsuits are nonsense!
I’m not going swimming it’s boring!
Crowds of people are out of the question!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
I’m getting restless, take me to that future!
A sentimental adventure, shining Savile Row
I wanna learn about love for adults
On a cold summer afternoon I set out into the city
It’s all “age limits”, every single one of them, how annoying!
“Like a child” huh? Don’t make me throw up.
I’ve always just wanted to live “Like myself”.
“Cheerfully” at first, but then “unwilling to give up”,
I’ll go rampantly, right now!
Come on, get out the way, obstacles!
Live & append rough
I don’t have the time to be sad
Live & append rough
Being in a slump or whatever sucks, doesn’t it?
Live & append rough
Laughing during happy times,
Live & append rough
Isn’t that the best?
Aah, tomorrow is definitely gonna be
A more wonderful day than today
Once the day comes to an end, another day will start again
Since life goes on, don’t get frustrated
C’mon!
“Sparkle” more!
Always be “fired up”!
If you’ve gotta wish for something, wish for something better than you deserve!
You can choose yourself whether to laugh or cry
But enjoying something is just the best!
Be more “happy”!
Always be “excited”!
Once you’re greedy for it, it’s just right!
For today,
If you’re in the mood to watch the moon
Then let me escort you
Let’s come on!
Don’t be careless! Don’t get frustrated!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Yukatas are nonsense!
I’m gonna trip, I can’t walk!
I’m so restless, how about we jump in?
Hey! Hey! Hey!
No matter how much it rains tomorrow, it’s fine.
‘Cause I’m sure it’ll be a great day.
(*this is my translation. Jins writing tends to be interpretive and the lack of sentence subject within japanese means that I’ve had to take some liberties with translating, like adding in “I” and “you”. Please be conscious that it’s possible that there is more than one way to interpret the lyrics.)
I made it while imagining the character Marry, and I wanted it to be about the past becoming the most powerful offensive force. When I came up with the lyric “The today I’ve received gives off the smell of blood”, it made me well up, even if it was my own song. Emo. Also I personally really like the “I’m starting to not be me” part
Jin @jin_jin_suruyo 7:03 AM - 7 Nov 2018
“Imaginary Reload” 2
Also I wanted to convey the words “Shout out your delusion! Now!!” more than anything. I wanted it to encourage you if you’re warring against gloomy days. That’s what kind of song it is.
If it’s getting to the point where I’ve ended up mourning
Then I don’t mind if it’s from nothing
Let’s begin
I open my eyes now the war’s begun
I mistake it for game over
I scratch myself I draw blood
I’ve already lost points for being unconscious
I roll my eyes spin
I stagger I feel hazy
I’m strongly reminded of something
It’s that one word
“Don’t cry!”
As I awkwardly get my teeth into it
And take a bold step
Into the new dimension filling my brain
My thoughts, on the verge of becoming hoarse
They’re kept deep in my chest, with the power to bind
The world I’ve met together with,
The future full of conveniences,
And the present of despair, I glare at them
That story, about to disappear,
The accelerating present,
They scorch more and more
As I now meet eyes with them
Today simply comes to an end
And swiftly changes into tomorrow
I gradually become rotten
I hear the sound of clashing, clashing swords
I trample over
The remains of my terrible today
Which has repeated some hundreds of times now
I've become something that isn't me
This sad story begins
I've become something that isn't myself
This sad story begins
My ideals have become something that aren't ideals
This sad story begins
My doubts have become something that aren't doubts
This sad story begins
I've become something that isn't me
This sad story begins
I've become something that isn't myself
This sad story begins
I've become something that isn't me
I've become something that isn't me
I give me, who is no longer myself
To you.
The today that I receive
Gives off the smell of blood
In the insufficient tomorrow I’ve already seen many times now
You stood and cried
Words like “how annoying” don’t suit you well
Shout out your delusion! Now!!
“I won’t lose!” I say
If my voice struck your heart,
Then come on, for the first chapter, let’s have a final battle
I challenged the hyperdimension
As the stained tomorrow shines, deep in my chest
Within my thoughts, on the verge of bursting open
The world of my imagination and the tomorrow of my fantasies
I grip onto them in the present, becoming heavy
This colorful story,
The accelerating present,
I imagine them, more and more
When I reach out, I’m sure, definitely,
Once I open my eyes, I’ll laugh.
(*this is my translation. Jins writing tends to be interpretive and the lack of sentence subject within japanese means that I’ve had to take some liberties with translating, like adding in “I” and “you”. Please be conscious that it’s possible that there is more than one way to interpret the lyrics.)
In the morning, Souhei opened his eyes to the floor of the shrine. The green that spread out in his vision surprised him when he opened his eyelids, he quickly got up.
"- Ow..."
There was a dull pain in his shoulders and knees. Each and every one of his joints felt warped like a disentanglement puzzle. The shrine pedestal was made of stone. It wasn’t a suitable bed. He had memories of sitting here in a daze until the sun came up, but it seemed like he fell asleep before he realised it. Souhei endured the pain and stretched.
There’s a danger since there’s a lot of people in the city, but on the other hand I can’t go back home – I wonder what I should do. There was nowhere else Souhei could think of apart from the secret shrine.
Souhei held his right hand above his head. To him, it was simply his hand. The sun shining through the leaves fell upon it, it really was there. He started to doubt that everything might just be a bad dream.
At night the copse really was just a jet black clump, but even Souhei, who was well acquainted with it, felt intimidated stepping inside. He stepped inside timidly, naturally it was darker than the outside. After waiting intently he was gradually able to vaguely see the outline of the shrine, but he felt like it looked different from normal lurking in the dark of the night, it was kind of ominous. Souhei though it was a shame he couldn’t see the body of his friend, it’d be nice if Othello were here. Come to think of it, I wonder where she spends the nights, Souhei didn’t have a clue. Maybe she has a bed somewhere else --- Souhei wasted time as he thought about that.
But now that it’d become morning and he’d stopped running away from reality, he couldn’t help but think about it --- why have I turned into an invisible person? And what should I do now? However when he tried to think a sigh spilled from Souhei ‘s mouth. His current state was like he’d been tossed out naked into the middle of the desert. He didn’t understand anything, but there was obviously nothing he could do.
What on earth should I do? Why did this only happen to me? Souhei held his head as he sat on the pedestal. Nobody could see him, his voice didn’t reach anyone, and on top of that, would people forget he existed one day?
All of a sudden he heard a sound of a truck running like the roar of a beast from far away. After that, he heard a sound like a bike letting out a metallic scream, and then he immediately heard it go into the distance. It seems like the world is peaceful again today. If things were like normal, it would be time for him to go to school. He should have been part of the world, spinning like normal. But now he’d fallen out of its complete structure. No matter if the single gear known as Souhei Shima falls out, the giant clock doesn’t stop moving.
School – When Souhei thought of that, he remembered Hijiri. He just didn't want to go to school anymore. His classmates now only harassed him for fun. It wasn’t like they had some kind of reason from a really long time ago anymore, right now they just bullied him because they wanted to --- they’re barbaric people for acting so simply. On top of that, Mizuguchi’s “Disappear”. When he remembered that he felt a hole open up in his heart.
However, Souhei’s thoughts changed.
If nobody could see him any longer, couldn’t he behave however he wanted in the classroom? That thought popped up in his head.
He should be able to watch the classroom without being harassed. Why? Because he's now an invisible person. Hijiri and Shiroyama and Sawai, nobody will be able to see his body. It’d be good to check what that meant, wouldn’t it? Souhei was just purely interested, he realised he had already left the shrine.
He wanted to walk as little as possible in the city. Souhei entered the park and walked in the direction of school.
Slightly regaining his composure, Souhei thought to himself, I'm glad that street from last night was pedestrian only. If he didn’t realise he was invisible and carelessly jumped out in front of a bike, in the next moment he certainly would become a dead body. He wasn't sure if he should be glad that people bumped into him.
Hachiougi Park wasn't very populated. It’s probably because it was a weekday morning, in spite of that he caught a glimpse of people visiting for walking and sports here and there.
First he had to make sure. Souhei jumped out in front of various people like he did last night.
"Umm..." "Excuse me." "Hello." "Please listen!"
The last one came out in a desperate shout. The peoples’ gazes penetrated Souhei's body, but their focus met with something far away.
Souhei started to feel creeped out when he saw their eyes. As he watched their backs walk off, he began to harbour only a delusion, maybe the abnormality here is these people and not me. However once he checked the kiosk’s glass window and the surface of a pond, he confirmed that the abnormality really was him after all.
It wasn't a dream after all - a dry smile spilled upon his lips.
Souhei left the park in a shiver, it was peaceful compared to the town last night. There were no crowds of people, if he concentrated on going down the sidewalk for now then there was no worry of being run over by a car. All that was a danger was people or bikes appearing from behind him occasionally.
He walked along the national highway, once he was almost at school, he saw a figure jogging and coming closer towards his direction. The walking path wasn't wide. Approaching him was an about 70 year old small-built man, with the way he ran, his training clothes and from the fact he looked like he was clenching his fists, you could tell from a glance that he was a person that was used to exercising to terrifying lengths.
Souhei stuck to the outer wall of a private house, his back on the left side of the walkway to let him pass through. The muscular old man passed by the tip of his nose at a speed Souhei couldn’t imagine from just a glance. He let out a sigh in relief, but when Souhei tried to walk off, that old man appeared again from behind.
When Souhei noticed the sound of footsteps he quickly tried to leap back, but a severe pain traveled from his left toes.
"- Ouch!"
The old man's feet stopped dead. But there was no way it could be that Souhei’s cry reached him. "Did I step on something?" as he arranging his breathing, all he did was check the bottom of his shoes. Why are you running on such an annoying route, Grandpa - Souhei glared at him with teary eyes. Thanks for doing a U-turn in the middle of the road.
"You stepped on my foot..." Souhei tried to say while enduring the pain, the man stretched his Achilles tendons with an unknowing expression. He couldn’t notice the boy crouching over behind him.
His toes seemed fine somehow. Luckily the old man was built small. While he saw that form run off again, Souhei fully understood the weakness of invisible people. Invisible people or existences like them had made an appearance in some of the novels he’d read until this point.
In those stories, people who make their bodies invisible or when machines which have been turned invisible are used in combat they’re mostly portrayed to be in a pretty advantageous position.
But reality’s so different-- Souhei wanted to shout. I’m so weak like this! If there was a threat he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to demonstrate its maximum potential. But right now all he wanted to do was go to school.
It seemed to take a considerable amount of time. When Souhei finally managed his way to the school gate with his confused body, he only just got in at lunch break. He peeked inside, a group of uniformed freshmen were having fun at soccer on the school grounds. It was the group he usually happened to see.
When he tried to go towards the school building, a soccer ball rolled to Souhei's feet. His gaze rose, a single male student was running over to collect the ball. In today’s summer heat, he was covered in dust and dripping with sweat. He ran over as he said “Sorry, my bad”. Naturally those words weren’t directed towards Souhei.
He was a little hesitant, but Souhei tried something out, he extended his right foot and raised only the tips of his toes, the kick couldn't kill even a fly, but the ball reversed its course.
"-Huh?" the male student stood still in shock. With a face like he couldn't believe his senses, he returned alone with the ball, his gaze wandering back and forth at the space where Souhei was standing. He looked like he couldn’t comprehend it.
The other students behind him were the same. "Hey, did you see that just now?" "That was the wind, right?" "Like it returned on its own" "Did it just make a kicking noise?"
With a side-glance to the group of confused freshmen, Souhei left the scene. They had a variety of reactions, but it wasn’t like anybody tied it to the existence of invisible people from that much.
Souhei crept into the Grade 11 Class 5 classroom from behind the door. He was awfully nervous every time he came in here. His breathing became rough, and his heart was so loud it was like it had sprouted up in his ears. Nobody’s going to look over here any time soon, he thought.
About half the students were remaining in the classroom, they were either in the middle of eating lunch, or those who had already finished eating were engrossed in chatting. Nobody looked at Souhei. But that was no different to the way he was usually ignored.
Hijiri Aota was also sitting down in the seat in front of the window, talking about something with his friends. He never really moves from his seat. Since his friends generally gather to his seat from their own seats, he doesn’t have to. What are they talking about right now? His curiosity piqued, however – even though he could look straight over there - Souhei couldn’t go over to where Hijiri was. He was lost for what to do because the classroom was so cramped. His classmates formed a groups of several people, they scattered about the classroom like islands floating in the ocean.
If one of them stuck their arm out a little, innocently, because they felt like it, for no particular reason, then they might touch Souhei’s body. If that happened it would be a disaster. It wouldn’t be anything like the rolling soccer ball that changed its course. Narrow spaces are really quite dangerous for invisible people.
But since they were scattered around like this, Souhei realised that Maki Tamagawa seemed absent for whatever reason. It would be livelier if she were here, it’d be a big crowd.
Guess there’s nothing he could do about that, Souhei climbed up the lockers at the back of the classroom. The white steel lockers were allocated to one student each, the Grade 11 Class 5 lockers were two rows stacked on top of each other. They weren’t even waist high. It was difficult to position himself, but Souhei got himself to hold his knees on top of the lockers. It’d be more comfortable if he could dangle his legs, but there were two groups chatting nearby. He didn’t know if they would lean over to him at some point, so he couldn’t let his guard down.
There’s so much that I have to do now I’m an invisible person- it started to feel a little too much for Souhei. He’d done all these unsightly things, collapsing in the middle of the city at night, clinging to the path’s wall at midday, having his feet stepped on. It wasn’t like anyone was watching, but it was still starting to get ridiculous. Anyway, he's decided to immediately jump down from here and try to run away at full speed if his existence gets exposed.
Souhei began to observe them.
"I went to that shop the other day" "Huh, you finally bought it" "That's sooo interesting" "I wanna get a bento" "My mom said to me" "At the cinema on Sunday" "No way, seriously?" "I wanna go do karaoke" "I downloaded it" "You studying?" "When’s the release date?" "I'm so sleepy" "That's super interesting" "Maybe it's broken" "I’ve been watching a bunch of TV" "You got it pierced?"
Every voice filled the classroom like hot water.
Souhei was simply surprised. He always escaped to the world of books, trying to block out as much of the surrounding sounds as possible, but they let out all kinds of words one after another, he found it so strange, as if they were hiding their voices somewhere.
Even if that’s the case, isn’t it weird? - Souhei derided at himself. As they chattered lively in front of him, not a single one of them could see him. But it wasn’t like how they ignored him until now. They literally couldn’t see him. When he thought about that, he was overcome with an incredibly strange feeling, one that mixed and cooked together with a bit of loneliness and a sense of superiority.
However, Souhei’s thoughts were interrupted when his ears picked up a conversation nearby.
"Doesn't look like that guy’s coming today."
"That guy?"
"Shima."
"Oh, yeah."
It was a girl with short hair in the volleyball club and a girl with shoulder-length hair in a loose perm. Souhei remembered that the two seemed a little distanced from the other groups of female students. Now, the two's gazes pointed towards an empty chair. It was Souhei's.
"Guess yesterday really took a toll on him." The perm said.
"Could be. I never thought he'd punch Aota back." The volleyball club laughed. "But still, I'm kinda glad he didn't come today."
"Waddaya mean?" the perm spun her hair around her finger and tilted her head to the side.
"Don't you think the mood in the classroom gets all bad whenever that guy's here? They all end up totally ignoring him, so the mood starts to get like we can’t talk to each other about it, you know?”
"Yeah, I get you."
"Pretty tiresome, isn’t it.”
"Yeah, yeah."
"I literally couldn't care less about Shima. But having bullying going on in class makes me feel really bad.”
"Yeah I totally get that."
"Well in the end, I guess it’s fine if he isn’t here.”
"Yeah yeah, I know."
The two girls' conversation ended there. The salt and pepper haired math teacher finally came, fifth period must be starting. The talking voices that the classroom was full of until then seemed to evaporate and disappear, the workers began in silence. There were only the scratching noises of pens, like the cries of summer bugs from outside.
Strangely he wasn't sad. As he watched the quiet space, Souhei actually started to feel content. It really was true. The class works better if I'm not here. That gossip I didn’t want to hear wasn’t wrong, I bet they’re glad that I’m absent- That’s what Souhei tried to convince himself.
He got up from the locker without making a noise. Fortunately because of today's heat the door at the back of the classroom was already open, Souhei’s departure was easy. When he left to the quiet corridor Souhei turned around, threw his gaze towards his own seat, looked at Hijiri next, and then looked around the whole classroom.
Goodbye. I'm not coming back here again. This isn't where I belong.
Once he left the classroom, Souhei's feet naturally went towards his home.Since the walking path was overflowing with dangers as it was before, it took a considerable amount of time, but somehow he managed to get here before the evening in one piece. Souhei wondered if his aunt was concerned about her nephew who ran away from home and hadn’t been back all night. He couldn't imagine it.
Souhei raised his hand to the doorknob and tried to turn it just a little. So it wasn’t locked then. It’s normal in the Shima residence not to lock the door if you're at home. The moment Souhei opened the door his nerves wracked. When the steel door is moved quickly then it’ll make a noise depending on how much you open it.
Souhei went inside without making any noise somehow and took off his sneakers. You could say that was so he wouldn’t make any noise, but he felt just like a burglar as he held them in both hands.
His aunt was on the left hand side of the corridor. Kazuho Shima's back was turned to her nephew who was now like a ghost, she currently tapped intently at her laptop keyboard. The sight of her working was no different than usual. Not a piece of her seemed either mad at her nephew who unexpectedly spent the night away, nor worried about the fact that she didn’t currently know where he was.
Actually, his aunt seemed to have made more progress than usual with her work since last night because he hadn’t come home. That’s what Souhei thought as he looked around the messy work room. Of course, when his aunt’s home alone, then nobody else is there to make noise. Aside from being able to concentrate on her work, it also means she won’t have to hear vegetables being chopped and the fire on the stovetop. That must be what she was talking about when she said “Be quiet” a few days ago.
Clack clack... clack clack clack... He concentrated on the sound of his aunt's fingers dancing, Souhei stood on the spot for a short while.
It was an irregular sound, like rain beginning to fall. Occasionally she would put her hand on the mouse and move it, correcting the geometric pattern displayed on the monitor. She did that over and over again.
"Aunt."
No response.
"Aunt." He now said in a slightly bigger voice. "I'm sorry, Aunt. Sorry that I shouted yesterday..."
His aunt was silent.
"I’m not coming back here again… So, from now it’s just like you wanted it..."
His aunt concentrated on her work.
"...Well, bye."
Before Souhei left to the outside of the apartment, he noticed his aunt's typing today was slightly quieter than usual. She probably wished it was always this way.
The world was fine.
Once Souhei learnt that him not being at school or at home was making things work more smoothly, he experienced a feeling of satisfaction that resembled something like acceptance. At some point, nobody will realise that he was here anymore. That’ll become natural. No, if everything about his body disappearing goes well then it might even be obvious that he shouldn’t have existed here in the first place. Maybe his life until now was the abnormal thing instead.
Once evening approached, Souhei returned to the secret shrine. Like this morning, Othello still wasn’t there. You could call this his only safety zone, seeing that no other people were there.
He sat on the shrine pedestal with the shrine to his back, and Souhei curled himself up like a pupa. What should I do now - where can I go - what can I do - what do I want to do - I don't know. He simply just felt like he was forgetting something. Once he finished seeing how things were for his aunt and his classmates, for whatever reason he felt a sense of discomfort in a corner of his brain. He got the impression it was something important.
After flicking through the pages of his memory for a bit, Souhei suddenly remembered and stood up.
"-Haruka. Right, we were going to meet..."
She invited me to study together at the library after school tomorrow. The meeting place was the same park bench as usual. Souhei’s legs were already moving before he had time to think.
Souhei ran through the park. He continued straight ahead while he watched the tennis courts and gateball field on the right, they darkened in the density of the trees that grew thicker. There was a paved footpath that seemed like it’d cut around them, but Souhei didn’t choose that, he instead leapt into the copse. He plunged forwards, tripping over the roots and thickets of the trees and shrubs. It was hard to run through but luckily he didn’t have to worry about bumping into other people. If he ran through this then he should come out around the bench.
Will Haruka be waiting? They didn’t decide on a time last night, but the girl’s high school that Haruka goes to and the high school that Souhei goes to have the same closing time. “Once school’s over let’s meet here”, Souhei remembers Haruka saying that to him a year ago. After a few weeks they came here from their separate schools--- She was the one who contacted him to meet after a while. After which, this became their rule for when they meet.
What time is it now? He didn’t know. But Souhei guessed that around two hours had passed since he went to school. It's ok if she's not waiting. That’s what Souhei thought as he brushed aside a twig that jumped out before his eyes. There’s no need for her to wait. Because I can't even look face-to-face with Haruka anymore.
However, when Souhei recognised the place thick with even more bushes, he caught a glimpse of her body between the trees. She was a little while away, but the body that was sitting still on the bench was without a doubt Haruka Kurisawa.
-Why?
He realised while he got his breath back. Why is she waiting for me? Hurry up and go home. As he worried, Souhei drew closer making as little noise as possible. But since there were broken branches and blades of grass on the sole of his shoe it made it difficult to move quietly.
There was no reason for him to get closer in the first place. However, when he ended up looking at her one more time, the two feet that supported Souhei’s body couldn’t help but stop. As he stood between the trees – and tried to change his angle – he saw the figure sitting next to her when he looked over once more.
"...Huh?"
It was Hijiri next to Haruka.
As he bore a confused face Souhei couldn’t take his gaze away from them. It looked like Hijiri was talking about something as he sat next to Haruka. He knew that from looking at his mouth. Haruka seemed like she was listening to him in silence. He couldn’t hear their voices. It was irritating. The image of the two sitting close together was like a scene from a movie.
Souhei was agitated. Calm down. They're dating. It isn’t weird for them to meet each other. Actually, it’s weirder for Haruka to meet with me, isn’t it? Calm down. There’s no reason for you to be upset over something like this. Besides, I'm glad that Haruka isn't alone. It'll get dark soon. Hijiri will be able to walk her home.
I can feel my heart getting restless in my chest, please just cut it out already - Souhei strongly tried to tell himself. There's nothing you can do about this. You shouldn't peep on them. If Haruka’s happy then it’s fine, right? You're in the way, you're pathetic, you’ve already lost your only childhood friend – it was when Souhei tried to remove his gaze.
Until this point, Haruka, who had been looking over at Souhei, abruptly turned her head towards Hijiri. It happened in that moment. Hijiri also turned to the side and met her gaze, suddenly leaned forward, the distance between them shrank, and then---
Souhei tried to turn his face away quickly, but it was too late.
He saw it. He saw that moment. The inside of his head turned stark white.
Without returning his gaze to the two, Souhei immediately turned back the way he came. He had to get away from there no matter what. What would end up happening if he stayed there? He ran out from the thickly grown shrubs, once he ran away from the park, Souhei just ran without looking in front of himself. Whether it was by bike or by truck, he didn’t care if they hit him. The kiss-scene burned into his eyelids wasn't going to vanish no matter what he did.
He didn't want to go to the park, or even the shrine nearby. All he wanted now was to go far away.
Souhei ended up trying to run down an alleyway near the train station. For a few hours he hid himself in a tight gap between two buildings, he couldn't do anything in that space except bite his nails.
It was a desolate alley with no people. Cars rarely passed by here at night. Both sides of the road were lined up with small multipurpose buildings with offices and the like inside. There weren't any spectacular shops or restaurants here. Naturally, everywhere here had their shutters down. He knew the time was coming up to 10 o'clock. On the other side of the street there was an old book store that had already closed for the day, he saw a clock sitting inside the store.
I won’t be sleeping rough for the rest of my life will I? Until I die? Without ever speaking to anyone ever again?
Souhei's whole body trembled, he spontaneously imagined himself as a person drifting afloat an open sea. Never finding his way anywhere, and not a single person coming to find him in the 360 degree view spread out before him --- he didn’t like the truth, but that was the state of despair thrust before him.
Imagining something like that in the middle of a town full of people, what an ironic story.
Whatever the case, Souhei was now completely exhausted. There was a convenient space under the eaves of the building, finally at the limit of his patience, Souhei ended up settling down there. He lay his back heavily onto the ground, it was like a liquid known as ‘fatigue’ was overflowing out of every pore on his body. It coiled about his neck, shoulders, arms and legs, his whole body became heavy.
I don’t care what happens anymore, just let me sleep like this - when the body left by the shutter closed it's eyes, his ears picked up a small voice.
"---Meow"
It was a faint echo. Where did that come from? Something’s trying to attract attention. That cry he remembered might possibly that of his friend’s. Once he understood that, Souhei opened his eyes again and looked at the sky, and saw something strange there.
It was a clock tower.
It was built up standing tall and prominent from the roof of the multipurpose building lined up the opposite side of him. Faintly illuminated by a light from below, as if it were emerging up, it had a strange atmosphere about it. That unrealistic sight reflected in Souhei’s eyes. Yeah, I must be dreaming, Souhei stared blankly at it.
"Meow" he heard again.
No, this isn’t a dream yet. Souhei straightened his neck out and rubbed his eyes. "... I wonder what that thing is?"
For whatever reason there were no hands on the clock face. You couldn’t forget its shape, even if you only saw it once, any yet he didn’t remember it. He was just about to guess that it could be a new building, but why would you build something new that stood out so much in this alleyway? And on top of that, the clock tower itself seemed quite well aged.
Curiosity and drowsiness came faintly. Souhei stood up like a thread tied up inside his body was being tugged at. Then he tottered over to the backalley.
There was a space between one building and another, Souhei came and stood before that pitch black gap. The first floor of the old book shop was installed on the building to his right, on the left was a similar multipurpose building. If he went in that space it seemed like he’d be able to reach the bottom of the clock tower. He also felt like the small voice was echoing from inside there. Souhei took a deep breath through his nose, and slipped into the gap.
The back alley filled with a dense darkness, he could barely see anything. The air of the moist night chilled over his skin. It also seemed like all kinds of trash had fallen to his feet, you couldn’t take a single step without stumbling.
Why do I still care about this place. I was so exhausted, I should’ve just let it be – he thought, but he couldn’t help caring about the clock tower and that voice. That being the case, Souhei decided that once he finds out the truth of what’s happening he can try and go to sleep.
"Meow"
He heard it again from deep in the dark. So it really was here. He felt like it wasn’t too far away.
"...Othello?"
Souhei was half-sure it was her. He wasn't confident enough to distinguish it from another cat's cry. But once he heard that dear sound he remembered her.
The cramped path in the valley of the buildings was becoming complicated.
"Huh?" He turned right only once after going straight down and looked up, and the clock tower had been positioned behind him before he knew it. He must’ve passed by it at some point.
He turned straight back and walked for a bit. When he looked up again,
"...What?”
The clock tower was still standing behind him. Where on earth was it built? After going back and forth through this long back alley, Souhei suddenly found a single light shining through the darkness.
It was a multipurpose building's wall.
When he concentrated his eyes, he could see a crack like a rising dragon on the smooth wall, it rose up about twice the size of Souhei from the ground. The light was coming from this.
Can I see inside the building? If I can then that’s a terrible construction defect. Souhei put his face close to the crack in curiosity.
He instantly felt a force pull him forwards. A force with no resistance, like his body was being grabbed by a huge hand. Souhei thought he was going to collide with the wall. However Souhei’s body was sucked in much deeper, deep through the crack in the wall.
"Aren’t you just colluding with those friends of yours to bully me? Don't you think that kind of friendship is dirty?"
Fourth period the next day was study period. According to another teacher who only came at the beginning of class, the middle-aged female Modern Japanese teacher had caught an out-of-season cold. As most people would be, Grade 11 Class 5 were delighted to find that out.
"Be quiet, alright?" the young male teacher said as he left, but it was a futile request. Both the Grade 11 Class 4 and Class 6 classrooms were empty, as they were having gym together. Though it was still pretty noisy even if you went out into the corridor, nobody found them, it was like spring break had come early.
The students began to act as they pleased. On the desks there were people coming together to talk, people who started to take their bentos out, people who began to pick up lunch early, people who studied diligently, people who slumped over and napped on their desks, there were a number of people who took candy out from somewhere and began to eat it.
But in them, there was no Maki Tamagawa. Whether she was late or absent, nobody at the present time knew. Only God knows, I guess you could say.
Though last night Souhei barely got any sleep, strangely he wasn’t drowsy. Looking forwards with a glance, he saw Hijiri amusing himself playing cards with several people. Then, he told himself to stop looking. Don't pay any attention to him. He couldn’t repair his relationship with Hijiri, Souhei probably didn’t even want to anymore in the first place.
When Souhei tried to pull a paperback book out of his bag, he moved his chair a little and, from behind him, a voice went "Aah".
It was Mizuguchi from the handicraft club. Below the desk, what looked like a work-in-progress bead accessory had scattered about like sparkling grains of sand. It seemed like something inconvenient happened with the vibrations of Souhei moving his chair.
"Oh, I'm sorry..." Souhei looked under his desk, then at Mizuguchi.
She glanced her eyes towards Souhei and said "No, it’s fine", then returned her gaze to her fingertips again.
It seemed like a necklace that Mizuguchi was making, but even though it was covered in decorations it was elegant, it looked like a Christmas wreath. It was epic.
Souhei opened the paperback he was reading and tried to immerse himself into the world of the novel. It was an adventure novel written by an American author. A story where the hero is a sniper discharged from the marines, while he does various sniper missions, he gets wrapped up in a conspiracy with a mysterious organisation. Usually with an easy to understand story like this, he could smoothly enter in this world, like soaking in a bathtub, but today he couldn't. No matter which way or how many times he read the page he was on, the letters were just letters, and he couldn’t imagine it in his head. This was the first time this had happened.
Souhei realised he was irritated. But it wasn’t because of the book. In that case, what was it because of---.
"Tamagawa-san!" A voice said.
He raised his head, Maki Tamagawa had just come in from the front door.
"Mooorning, everyone!" he saw her hand fluttering in a casual stride. She put her bag down at her desk by the window.
Souhei sighed deeply and tried to go back to reading. It was hard changing the gears inside of him. He had to make that transition somehow. But Maki Tamagawa didn’t let him.
"Heeey, Souhei. Talk to me!"
Souhei tried to ignore her, but since she was so persistent he had to reply.
"...What?"
Maki Tamagawa propped her hand to her mouth, like she was telling him a secret story she brought her face close to Souhei.
"How did yesterday go? Did you get along well with Hijirin?"
Souhei glanced his head up.
"What about Hijiri?"
"Well, Souhei's always looking at Hijirin. Maki-chan noticed"
He slowly closed the paperback, and tried to replay her words in his head once more.
"...You were watching me?"
"Yeah" Maki Tamagawa said with a satisfied smile. "You were watching Hijirin ‘cause you wanted to be his friend, right?”
"What the heck are you talking about? Yesterday--"
"Sooo, I put Hijirin and Souhei together. How did it go? Did Souhei's wish come true?"
His head was at standstill, but immediately he began to understand. I get it, that’s what she meant. It must have all been her plan. Souhei slowly nodded twice.
"Was it granted? It was, wasn’t it?"
He noticed Maki-chan’s smile further approached a full bloom.
"...It wasn't granted."
Though his voice was small, he spoke in strong, barbed tone. Maki-chan made a face like a child whose toy was taken away.
"...Souhei?"
"My wish? I didn’t wish for that. If I did have a wish, it would be this --- Go away.”
He didn't intend to retract what he said. Souhei, who finished speaking, glared at the girl.
The downhearted Maki Tamagawa left the classroom. Souhei opened his book again without seeing her off, and tried to concentrate on reading this time. However,
"Oi, Shima"
Souhei heard a familiar voice and raised his head. Hijiri stood before his eyes. He and the class looked at him like he was roadkill.
"...What?"
"What did you just say to Tamagawa-san?" Hijiri said.
Looking around all the eyes in the class had poured onto Souhei. They were all full of hostility, so much that it was like a hornets nest. Hijiri stood before them, he seemed like a hero standing up against the cancer of the class.
"I didn't hear what you were talking about, but what did you say? That's the first time I've seen Tamagawa-san looking so sad."
"...So?"
"Don’t ‘so?’ me. Could you seriously fix that attitude? I told you already. Be more kind when you're around Tamagawa-san."
At Hijiri's way of speaking, Souhei became hot like iron from the pit of his stomach to the tip of his head. He had no more patience. It was like the dark muddy substance gathering inside of him overflowed all at once.
Souhei stood up and opened his mouth
"Since everyone gets angry when me and Tamagawa-san talk I was being as quiet as possible, but I guess there’s something else I’m doing wrong now?”
"Think before you speak. Girls won't wanna talk to you with that attitude." Hijiri said. His tone as if those 8 letters together were a burden.
"Hey, could you stop butting in on things don’t concern you? Also I don’t have time to argue with you." Souhei said.
"You don’t have time?" Hijiri spoke mockingly. "That's why you're hopeless. If you never have time for anyone then you’ll never get any friends--- you haven’t made a single friend since that day.”
The muscles in his face twitched. When Souhei heard Hijiri words, he understood well that he’s come to a place that he can’t return from anymore. The Hijiri Aota standing before his eyes wasn’t his childhood friend. He was a rival.
"I don't have friends? You wish you could decide that for yourself."
"Don’t be stupid" Hijiri shook his head. "I know most things about you. In this classroom? There’s no one. You'll always be alone."
Souhei shouted out.
"Well what about you?"
Hijiri nodded hard.
"Of course I do. I think everyone in Grade 11 Class 5 is my friend. Apart from you."
"Heh." Souhei smiled too. Not a single thing about his smile felt pleasant, but he forcibly raised the corners of his mouth.
"Aren’t you just colluding with those friends of yours to bully me? Don't you think that kind of friendship is dirty?"
Hijiri's face became red.
He said it. Souhei gloated deep down. He felt like some percent of his accumulated rage was spat out. Hijiri was pretending to be righteous. Souhei took that onto his side, and fought back with it. But it was when he thought that.
Thud. A shock from his nose spread, Souhei's face was thrown backwards.
--He hit me!
By the time he realised the second blow was coming. But Hijiri's left arm just cut through the air. His big swing destroyed his balance and dragged Souhei down, the two fell to the floor together.
Shrieks came up from around. But they sounded muffled like were separated by glass.
"You asshole!"
The burning-up Hijiri trying to straddle him, but Souhei wouldn't let him. Instead he threw his hand on Hijiri's shoulder, struggling to hold him down. In the scuffle, Souhei took some close attacks on his face and stomach. But in return Souhei hit somewhere on Hijiri's body with his clenched fist and knees.
But it probably only lasted a few ten seconds.
The two were broken apart by several male and female students at the place where they jostled.
Souhei looked at Hijiri's battered body. The shoulder part of his white shirt was slightly torn, his left eye was slightly swollen.
Souhei was also wounded more than enough. Though he didn't know the specific places, there was no doubt that a lot of blood was flowing from his nose. Because it was so much, it was unclear whether it was from his left or his right nostril. Also, he finally noticed from the commotion of his surroundings. On his left arm, blood was also coming out from around his elbow. Red blood flowed down his arm and was dripping from his fingertips. Even though there was lots of bleeding, it didn't hurt.
Souhei looked down at the space between him and Hijiri. At the scene was a collapsed desk and chair, scattered stationary had fallen down, it seemed like one of them got caught up there. But when he looked down, he saw that something else that looked like grains of sand was scattered around there.
"Ah!" a single girl called out in a shrill voice and pointed "That's Mizuguchi's!"
"Mizuguchi's...?"
"That's awful"
"Didn’t she say it's a work in progress?"
"She was gonna give it to her mother for her birthday-"
At the place where Souhei and Hijiri fought, there was the necklace Mizuguchi was working on earlier. But anybody could tell it was broken. Whether it was synthetic thread or wire, Souhei didn't know the name, but the string the beads were stuck through was torn up in the middle and the decorations collapsed too.
Mizuguchi came forward. She folded her knees, and picked the debris off the floor in silence-- in that moment, Souhei saw it. A single drop of blood dripped from the necklace, and dropped onto the floor. Mizuguchi noticed this and her body drew back in shock.
Souhei felt the line of sight, raised his head and met eyes with Hijiri. His expression remained mostly unchanged and he looked at him with a sneer. Then he opened his mouth.
"Apologize to Mizuguchi. That's your blood."
Souhei was lost for words. You're so arrogant, it wasn't on purpose-- he tried to say, but was hindered by the surrounding voices.
"Blood? What? What do you mean?" A girl said.
"Take a good look. Mizuguchi's thing is soaked in Shima's blood." Hijiri said. So it was. On the classroom floor a puddle as big as a quarter was beginning to accumulate, that’s where the necklace had fallen down.
"Woah, seriously?" "Eeh, that’s the worst..." "That’s kind of gross, another person’s blood" "Mizuguchi, are you ok?"
The crowd moved their mouths as they pleased. The atmosphere felt like it had been muddied, Souhei looked around at his surroundings. Nobody tried meet with his eyes, he realised their hostility was entirely directed towards him.
---Wait a second. Hang on.
"Oi, Shima this is your fault." finally Hijiri said.
Souhei hurriedly opened his mouth.
"Hijiri, you're the one who punched me first!"
Surprisingly Hijiri didn't retort. As if he was waiting for Souhei’s words, he nodded strongly.
"I am guilty. Mizuguchi, everyone, I'm sorry for surprising you.... Shima and I just had a little argument. We’re both guilty for fighting with each other, and I take responsibility."
Even though he should already be composed, as Hijiri took deep breaths, that’s what he said.
Souhei couldn’t close his opened mouth. I'm done for! Souhei inferred from the mood of his surroundings that he was defeated in this fight with Hijiri.
All his classmates kept silent, they were probably waiting for his words of apology. Hijirin apologized so you do too- that's what they were obviously thinking.
Souhei approached the sitting Mizuguchi.
"Mizuguchi-san, I’m really sorry..."
He bowed down. He knew that he was the one who soiled her necklace with his blood. Souhei stared straight down, Mizuguchi, saying nothing, shyly lowered her face, then gulped her breath.
She was crying. Just like her broken necklace was picked up from a dump site, she picked at it with her fingers.
Mizuguchi's watery eyes slowly turned towards Souhei. Souhei tried to apologize one more time, but the girl's small lips quickly moved.
"Just... Disappear."
After that, another girl took Mizuguchi out of the classroom. Hijiri was advised by his classmates that he should go to the school infirmary, but he declined.
"It's not a big deal, I'll be fine. More importantly you should go, Shima. Your bleeding still hasn't stopped."
Everyone seemed to look at Hijiri with admiring eyes, like he was a hero of justice. Souhei went to the school infirmary in silence.
The middle aged female school nurse looked surprised at Souhei's face, and asked about the situation while rolling a bandage. But he didn’t know how to answer. He washed his head in the infirmary's wash basin, wiping away his nosebleed, which now resembled dry mud.
He smiled when he saw his face reflected in the mirror, he looked just like a wrestler.
Wanting to go home early now, he left school before lunch break finished.
"I'm home."
He opened the door to his house and was welcomed by the sound of tapping on a keyboard. Because the sound was louder than usual, he wondered if his aunt was feeling on-edge today. Her mood’s usually expressed through her typing.
Like a ghost, Souhei passed right by and went into his bedroom.
He finally noticed he was standing in his apartment, the memories of the way home were vague. How did I walk until here? Do I walk faster while I’m thinking? Maybe I wasn’t thinking of anything, I'm not sure. And then, similar to his head, his heart became empty.
Nothing is going well. Without doing anything else, Souhei went sideways under his futon, and intense drowsiness came and caught him like an avalanche.
Come to think of it, last night he barely slept. But if he closes his eyes now, time will jump forward, and it might then be time to wake up and go to school again. If he could, he never wanted to go back there again. Originally he should be using this time to study for his exams, but doing something like that at a time like this would be--
When he opened his eyes the room was in total darkness. The clock showed 8pm. He had been asleep for over six hours.
No, he wasn’t sure if he should be happy for completing six hours right now. In any case he was just happy that it wasn’t morning, Souhei rubbed his eyes.
He opened the sliding door and his aunt was sitting at the table in front of him.
"You're awake" his aunt said. She turned around and flinched, then peered at Souhei's face "What happened to your face?"
Crap, he though, Souhei stroked his own face.
"Well, I, I got hurt on my bike..."
"How?" his aunt creased her eyebrows and approached him.
"I bumped into someone."
Souhei corrected himself with a bored tone.
"Are you hurt?"
His aunt's eyes looked towards Souhei's left elbow. Souhei held it down "It's nothing serious" and shook his head. He didn't actually have any major injuries.
"Have you gone to the hospital?"
"I went to the school infirmary and they said it was fine. I'm fine, really."
Souhei forcibly tried to end the conversation.
"What are you mad about?" His aunt said.
"I'm not. Nothing's wrong."
"…Please, just tell me how you got those injuries.”
"I told you already! I just fell off my bike."
"You really are mad, aren’t you?"
Suddenly his face got hot.
"I'm not mad!!"
His aunt’s body jumped at Souhei’s shout. When he sensed that slight movement, Souhei was in a panic. He felt a horrible sense of guilt. The kitchen was full of silence, like the deep sea. Just the sounds of the clock were heard in this room of the house.
-Why am I so useless?!
Whatever the reason is, I don’t have any reason for shouting at my aunt. I hate myself for that, he thought.
Souhei couldn't bare the silence and leaped into the kitchen. He thrust his worn out sneakers onto his feet in the entrance hall.
"W, wait a second! Where are you going at this time of night?!"
His aunts voice echoed on his back, but he didn't turn around. Souhei left the apartment. Of course outside the sun had fallen and it was complete darkness. The municipal housing falls asleep early.
Sure, he can run out, but he had nowhere to go. Souhei didn't have any friends he could stay with. Just walking wherever he pleased, he realised he had come to the outside of the station.
There were lots of cars and crowds of people leaving from the station, around him was full of lights and various sounds. Salarymen going home and groups of what looked like college students, but they could also be high school students.
They moved their legs quickly and in uniformity. They probably have a destination. I do not. So that 'I' thought he definitely couldn't call out to them.
"Souhei?"
Reflexively he turned around, Haruka was standing there. She was in uniform. Souhei was severely surprised.
"Wh, what are you doing here?"
"That’s my line… huh?” Haruka’s smile turned to surprise. "Huh?! What happened to your face?"
I ended up seeing another person I didn't want to see. If she knew the person who inflicted these injuries, there’s no doubt that she’d be stricken with grief. I’d never want to see that.
"My bumped into someone on my bike..."
"On your bike? Are you ok? There’s bandages on your arm…”
"I'm ok. It's absolutely, not at all a problem."
Souhei forced a smile. But Haruka made a face like she was about to cry, like she was the one who was injured.
"It looks really painful."
When she said that she held out her hand. Although Haruka’s hand was on the verge of touching his face, Souhei took her hand.
"I told you it’s ok. They’ll heal if you leave them be."
"...Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
Souhei was still holding Haruka’s hand. Her hand had a comfortable cold. Her fingers were slender and smooth like porcelain. He wanted to hold her forever if he could, but Souhei let her hand go.
"I'm sorry. It looked like it hurt. It wouldn't be good if I touched it"
Haruka withdrew her hand and smiled in embarrassment. "Anyway, what are you doing at this hour?"
"I’m going... To the bookshop. What are you doing here, Haruka?"
"I went to a public prep-school class."
"...You’re going to prep-school?"
"Right. Is that strange?"
Souhei shook his head. "It's not strange. Does that mean you’ll be going from now on?"
"I wasn't sure what to do, but after having a look at today’s lesson I’ve decided. I’m going to go.”
"Really.”
That's ok, he thought. It won't be necessary for him and Haruka to revise at the library.
He asked Haruka about walking home alone from here.
"Isn't it dangerous?" Souhei said.
Right now it's around nine o'clock. When it’s bright around Hachiougi city there don’t seem to be many problems, but the back-alleys either side of the road are lined up with arcades, pachinko shops and other suspicious shops under the eaves, apparently there isn’t great security there. Also at there’s been some uproar about molesters at certain times in this neighbourhood.
"It's fine. I've lived in this town since I was young. Hey, are you free tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow? Yeah, I'll be free... after school."
"That’s great. Then we'll meet at the usual spot again. I want to go study at the library."
"Huh? But..." Souhei raised his voice automatically. Is it ok for us two to meet, those words didn't leave from his throat.
"What's wrong?"
"Well... what about Hijiri-"
"Hijiri? What?"
Haruka turned her head to the side.
"-Ahh, no, I'm sorry... It's nothing." Souhei hurriedly shook his head.
"You're weird"
On that note Haruka departed. Although she said they could go home together, as it’s the same way back for both of them until halfway, Souhei declined for the appropriate reason. When he told her again and again to try and go down the brighter path, Haruka left off with an “Understood.”
-- Thank you.
Souhei wanted to express his thanks. In the end he couldn't ask about her relationship with Hijiri, but asking about it was pointless. Besides, even if they are a couple, she wasn’t excluding the left-out-Souhei. Asking him to study together wasn't a lie. So, there was finally something he realised. This thing filled his head. He should have realised earlier.
-- Everything would be better if I were gone.
When Souhei realised that fact, he felt sick of his own foolishness until now. Haruka only cared about him because he’s her childhood friend. His aunt left her company in order to bring him up, but even now it’s still hopeless. The fruits of Mizuguchi's labour going to waste, making the atmosphere in the classroom turn bad, and becoming a victim of bullying wouldn't have happened in the first place if he wasn't there.
-- Right. I'm the cause for all of this.
Straight down north of the station road coincided with a river. A comparatively large Class A river. Souhei, wandering without a destination, came to his senses when he came to the bridge above the river. Because the town lights couldn't reach under the bridge it was pitch black, he just listened to the sound of the water swaying to and fro. But the bridge was quite far from the river surface, anybody passing by could tell that.
The words "Disappear" from Mizuguchi echoed in Souhei's head. They became a single drop, their wide ripple reached a deep place in Souhei’s body. Right. I should disappear. Souhei’s stinging heart felt smooth and silky.
If I jumped from here I wonder if it would be easier for everyone-- when he thought that, it fell to his feet. In the light of the streetlamp it reflected sparklingly.
Souhei's eyes widened as he saw the object.
Why is this thing here? It was the cube he saw from the shrine from a while ago. He tried to pick it up, it looked the same as when he found at the shrine. It didn't make sense.
'Do you have a wish?'
"-What?"
A voice - It was Maki Tamagawa's voice.
Where are you? But he was the only one on top of the bridge. The only other thing was the cars coming and going on two-lane road. Nonetheless, the voice spoke like it did back then
'You finally decided'
"...Huh? Maki-chan, where are you?"
'Here.'
"Where?" What on earth do you mean by ‘Wish’?
'I'm here"
"...Here?"
Souhei lowered his gaze towards the cube in his hand. It was slightly hot. Like the warmth of a small animal- then it gradually grew - it grew more and more hot - and then-
"--Woah, hot!"
It burned up hotter than he imagined, Souhei couldn't bear it and shook his hand.
"...Ah, Aah!"
The cube that shot out from inside his hand crossed over the fence and fell underneath the bridge in the blink of an eye. At once it mixed into the dark, he didn't even hear the sound of it landing. As Souhei looked down at the darkness below he was stunned.
-- What happened just now?
-- What was that voice? An auditory hallucination?
He continued to listen to the sound of the smoothly flowing river for a short while.
In this impossible to understand situation, his feelings completely withered away. Souhei returned back to the front of the station. There were slightly less people in the crowd than earlier.
He began to feel down when he thought about his aunt, but Souhei walked on his way back home. However,
"- Woah!"
He collided with a large person in front of him.
"E, Excuse me!" Souhei said in a hurry. "I wasn't looking where I was going."
"Huh, what?"
It was a man in his thirties wearing casual clothes. He grandiosely wiped around his chest with both hands. Alongside him was a woman who looked to be younger than him, yet she wore heavy makeup.
"Really, excuse me."
Souhei was a little offended at the man’s gesture, like he wiped away dirt.
"Was that a cat? Or a crow?" The man said. "I can’t see that good, but I feel like something really came at me.”
"Excuse me?" Souhei said.
"Oh no. Did something hit you? I didn't see it either" The girl grimaced.
"Umm..." Souhei sheepishly raised his voice towards the two.
The large man didn’t lend an ear as usual, he pulled up the T-shirt that Souhei bumped into face-first, and bought it up to his nose. He seemed to then sniff at it.
"I dunno. Kinda sweaty, isn’t it?"
"That's just you. It’s fine. Let's go"
When the two rapidly walked off, Souhei quickly stepped out the way.
"Uhh, I’m sorry…"
He was being polite, but he tried to speak loud enough they could definitely hear him. Regardless of that the man didn’t turn around. What rude people, he thought.
There’s no reason for them to ignore me.
But then, another person bumped into Souhei from behind.
"Woah!" Souhei lost his balanced and fell to the ground.
"Ouch..." A voice came from behind him. "Ugh, what?"
When he looked up, an office woman was standing there. As she looked around restlessly at her feet, she brushed her left leg with her hand. He thought it was a similar gesture to that man’s from before.
"Was it this?" as the woman spoke, she reached her hand out to an illuminated bar sign beside her which had large letters written on it, ‘All items 200 yen’, "Ughh!", crash-- she gave it a kick. The sign made a loud noise and shook. The office lady’s heels made a click clack as she walked past Souhei, still on the floor.
Souhei stayed stiff on the spot and thought. Something wrong, right now something strange is happening – and I’m the only one who hasn’t noticed what. Unable to comprehend the situation, all he had was a sense of nervousness, like a man-eating shark was waiting underwater for him.
He carefully stood up and glanced at the bridge, there was a bar with a glass window there. It was regular old dark glass, but thanks to its tone it was difficult to distinguish the inside, as a result of that when you looked at it from the outside it accomplished the role of a mirror.
He tried to look at it casually, but his instinct might actually have been screaming for him to watch it carefully. When he finally realised the abnormality in the world reflected on the glass, Souhei became petrified.
-- Am I going crazy?
When he averted his gaze from the glass window, Souhei turned around behind him. A group of boys and girls who seemed to be college students were walking on the other side of the road. They were noisy and probably drunk. Souhei endured his restlessness, and observed them intently. Then the moment they came behind him, Souhei turned his eyes towards the glass again.
They were reflected in it. As they should be. The mirror reflected the world correctly at any point in time. Because inverting and projecting whatever’s there is its role. 4 boys, 5 girls - there's no mistake. This glass window was normal.
-- Then why isn’t my body being reflected!
Souhei thumped on the glass with his fist. For some reason the glass window wasn't reflecting his body. The only thing it reflected was the students behind him and the streets. He's never heard or seen a phenomenon like this before. He surrendered before this optical illusion that seemed to bend his brain.
Souhei bravely jumped out in front of a man walking nearby. He was white haired and wore glasses, a cowardly-looking elderly salaryman.
"Please stop! St, stop..., Please stop!"
He quickly avoided him in order to escape a third collision. The man walked away without changing his pace. Souhei felt himself approaching the brink of despair. Yeah, there's no doubt about it-- other people can't see my body... No, that’s not it. It's not just that they can’t see me. The glass didn't reflect me either -- essentially, I've disappeared.
He had a sudden thought. Did I somehow die? It also seemed like they couldn't hear Souhei's voice. The clothes he was wearing on his body - as far as he could tell from the mirror - had also disappeared.
Did he actually jump into the river before and succeeded in suicide, but not realise he died and became an earth-bound ghost*?
All of a sudden, Souhei kicked a garbage bag piled up by his feet. The bag was extremely light, it rolled further than he expected. As the trash inside scattered around, someone walking close by recoiled, “What was that!?”
Souhei automatically went to hold his chest. He hasn’t died. It isn’t that he became a ghost either. He could still touch objects, when he thought hard about it he fell to the ground.
-- Right.
-- I've become an invisible person.
(* There isn't a specific English translation of this word but essentially it's a type of ghost which is bound to a specific physical location, usually the place where the death occurred.
透明人間 (toumei ningen) - invisible person --- a gender neutral term for the concept of the ‘Invisible Man’ in the west: someone that you can’t see but that can still physically interact with the world. Other rules such as their clothes and voices seem to vary from story to story.)
The next morning, Souhei woke like a mole crawling out of a hole, his aunt was still asleep as usual. He didn’t necessarily need to come in her room to check she was asleep, the fact that there was no sound of typing on a keyboard while the sliding doors were closed meant he didn’t have to.
He went to school on foot. Since there was a path that took no more than twenty minutes one way he could go by bike, but unfortunately he had no other the way to get there than by foot. Because of that Souhei had made a habit of leaving the house in a hurry. While eating his breakfast of rice topped with an egg, because he devoted himself to remembering the things his aunt asked him to buy last night, he was a little late to leave the house today. He remembered the milk, bread and cereal, but for some reason he forgot the bacon. He didn’t know what to say to his aunt when he gets home.
When he arrived at school, most of his classmates were already gathered in the classroom. As usual they were engaged in lively conversation about video-sharing sites and TV programs. From within them there wasn’t a single person who called out to Souhei who just barely appeared. Three male students gathered around Hijiri, sitting at the window. Someone over there held their stomach in laughter, "Hijirin, that’s so funny!"
Deep in his chest Souhei, who sat at his seat, wished that today and tomorrow would go by quietly. The details of the hatred he was subject to for standing out differed day by day. If he had a day that passed by peacefully, he’d then also have a day where it didn’t. They just act based on how they feel. But when a voice Souhei remembered reached his ears, his wish was interrupted.
"Souheeei!"
"-Huh?"
Suddenly, a large shadow appeared in his line of sight, Souhei reflexively threw his head back.
"Eeh...?"
Appearing before his eyes was a single girl. But she wasn't a classmate. That being said it wasn’t like he’d never seen her before. He remembered seeing her somewhere
"...Ah, Hey! From yesterday-"
Her jewel-like eyes sparkled with fire.
"-Ma, Maki-chan?"
"That's right~. It's Maki~" The girl said, her grin swinging across left to right.
It was the strange girl he met at the secret shrine. For some reason, she was enrolled at this school and wearing the sailor uniform. But her gloves and ripped stockings remained the same.
Full of surprise, Souhei spoke from deep in his throat after a short while.
"...Huuh? Wh, what are you... doing here?"
But before the girl answered another person interrupted.
The owner of the cold voice appeared behind Maki-chan. A female student and class organiser called Sawai from Grade 11 Class 5.
Sawai removed her short-lived gaze from Souhei, and smiled "Good morning, Tamagawa-san" at Maki-chan.
"Moorning, Sawachi"
Sawai, who has just been called a nickname, went very red and seemed incredibly happy. She’s a girl with a tight personality as far as you can tell, but now she reacted like a fan whose idol called her name out.
This Sawai then changed her facial expression in the blink of an eye, and looked down at Souhei with a blank stare again.
"-And? You were about to say, what?"
"Well..." The fact that this was Souhei’s first exchange of words with this girl bewildered him. But there wasn’t anybody else he felt he could pose the question to, so he had no choice but to ask. "...Um, is this girl from another class?"
When Souhei spoke, for a moment, Sawai made a face like she swallowed a watermelon.
"…Huh!? What did you say?"
"Eh, what...?" Souhei had no idea what was happening. Then he suddenly thought.
"Oh, is she a transfer student?"
Sawai hugged Maki, while she grinned like usual, like she was protecting a kitten drenched in rain.
"I can’t believe you! She's already been here for 2 months, and you still don't remember your classmate? Especially Tamagawa-san?"
This force panicked Souhei. And since he couldn’t comprehend why Sawai had such a violently threatening attitude, it took him some time to grasp the meaning of her words. Tamagawa? She’s called Maki Tamagawa? Already 2 months?
"...Classmate?" Said Souhei
"I can't believe you. You're just the worst."
Sawai said with a spit and took the girl now known as Maki Tamagawa away from him. "See ya" Maki-chan waved.
Souhei watched her go, dumbfounded. Why did she act like that? Sawai was acting just like that girl joined school at the beginning of the year. Before he realised it, Souhei noticed all eyes in the class had gathered towards him. Hijiri also looked towards him with dubious eyes. It was good timing that the teacher in charge appeared, so that situation came to a stop.
Maki Tamagawa sat at the middle seat on the window row. Until yesterday the person that sat in that seat was a large boy, but for some reason now he sat diagonally behind Souhei – even though there wasn’t a desk there yesterday.
When homeroom was over, Souhei found the chance to pick up the attendance record on the front desk. In it, the names of boys and girls were lined up in alphabetical order. He ran his hurried eyes over it, and the name "Maki Tamagawa" was stated firmly in it. The entry was also recorded right in the middle of the others. Just like it had been that way from the beginning.
Souhei put the attendance record down and returned to his seat. He didn’t understand anything. Even though 2 months hadn’t yet passed, memories of that unique girl had been engraved into his mind whether he liked it or not- or they were supposed to be. Souhei's head began to hurt.
---Maybe I hit my head somewhere?
Maki Tamagawa's characteristics didn’t fit her behavior.
In first period, they all wrote up easy formulas until she arrived. Souhei and his fellow students looked at her in shock with mouths agape from beginning to end, the excited salt-and-pepper haired teacher began to taking pictures of the blackboard with a digital camera he took from the staff room. According to him, as he muttered to himself, the formulas that Maki-chan enumerated could apparently be the answer to a famous unsolved equation. When the teacher snapped the shutter for the fourth time, the bell rang.
In music class in second period, she occupied the grand piano, and dexterously began to perform with flowing fingers. Souhei watched her in amazement, he thought the tune in which the sounds seemed to bounce and halt about might be a classic.
His young female teacher began to tremble like she was about to cry, she seemed overwhelmed by the songs that were being played one after another. After class, according to the veteran music teacher who appeared once he heard the nimble sounds, the tunes Maki-chan played all seemed to be songs by the old American pianist Bud Powell, who was honoured as “The Master of Modern Jazz Piano”. If Haruka were here she’d probably be full of joy.
In fourth period the gym was split in the middle with a net, the boys did gymnastics, the girls did basketball. During the match, holding the ball in one hand, Maki Tamagawa achieved three magnificent slam-dunks while other girls remained on the ground. No matter how big of an estimate you make, she probably wasn’t even 160cm tall. Though Souhei promised he’d no longer be surprised despite what she does, when he realized she jumped from the free throw lane, he went beyond surprise and could only feel some kind of terror.
Since she was such an alien existence, Maki Tamagawa became popular in class. No, that reputation went beyond the so-called classroom limit, even people from other classes were coming to meet her. In breaks between lessons and lunch time, surrounding her, there were so many people around her you couldn’t see her. So in class, Souhei quickly released that Maki Tamagawa, who started to become not just a student but also a teacher, was superior to him.
Gym finished and it turned to lunch break. After going to the ground floor cafeteria to buy some bread, without returning to the classroom, Souhei went to the school grounds. Today there was pleasant wind-less weather. There was nobody near the bench. The requirements for a comfortable lunch break were aligned. But today Souhei's head was dull and cloudy.
Why did Maki Tamagawa suddenly start coming here?
Souhei thought as he put the 100-yen greasy curry bread in his mouth. It was just like his other classmates thought her fame and her non-standard behaviour had always been a thing. It couldn’t be that they were all in cahoots and crafting a lie for only him.
"Souhei!"
"Ah."
-She’s here.
Maki Tamagawa hugged Souhei from behind. "Here you aaare. I was looking for youuu"
"...Ta, Tamagawa-san. You were looking... for me?"
"That's right. Hey, Souhei, how come don't you eat with everyone else in the classroom?"
"Wh, Why-- First of all... could you let go of me?"
Souhei looked at Maki Tamagawa’s eyes, who sat next to him. They sparkled like the eyes of a child who just received a present. They shined in a way so pure it was eerie, he swallowed without thinking.
"What on earth… are you?"
"Eh, Maki? Maki is Maki" she said with a puzzled expression.
"I'm not asking about your name. You weren’t in this class until today -right?"
"I was."
Having received an unexpectedly concise answer, Souhei's thoughts paused for a bit. "...Huh?"
"I was there, that’s the truth." she spoke like she was answering a normal question. "Anyway, Maki's waiting for Souhei to decide his wish y'know. So tell me as soon as you decide! I'll do my best!"
Maki Tamagawa made her hands into fists, he didn’t understand a single thing she said. Every single one of her bizarre words stood as robustly as an iceberg, he felt like they wouldn’t melt by any means possible, he couldn’t try to decipher them. When Souhei was finally able to open his mouth, he was interrupted. It was some girls from his class.
"Tamagawa-san, we brought the volleyball" Sawai said. Her gaze was only focussed towards girl sitting next to Souhei, it seemed just like they didn't realise a person was sitting next to her.
"Hey, thanks!" Maki-chan put her hands together. "Hey, Souhei should play too!"
The girls moved slightly so they could see Souhei. Don't worry. I don’t plan on doing that here.
"I'll pass"
He answered, getting up to walk towards the school building.
"Huuh, You should plaaay, Souhei"
But the other female students gently restrained Maki-chan as she invited him. "Let's leave that guy alone" the voice of Sawai reached him from behind.
By all means, please do, Souhei thought.
Several days passed, Souhei was slowly becoming able to understand the girl’s wild and free nature. As soon as she left morning homeroom she would go completely unseen until just before lunch, today was a day where he wondered if she was even going to turn up. In any case, her actions didn’t show any consistency, she seemed like the kind of person that only does what she pleases.
That day, he hadn’t seen Maki Tamagawa since the morning. Just from the fact that she wasn’t there, Souhei wondered if he could spend a peaceful regular day, but that didn’t happen.
With the unfortunate rain, at lunch break, Souhei nibbled at his bread in his seat in the classroom. Outside the dark mouse-fur-like clouds continued forever, waterfall-like rain water went along the glass window. But his line of sight stayed on the top of his desk. His nylon pencil case with a ragged hole was there. The hole looked like it was stabbed open with a box cutter or something. The event happened when he quickly went to the toilet. The thing that he used since middle school became garbage in just a brief moment. It’s not like he was especially emotionally attached to it. He didn’t remember where he bought it from, but there was no doubt that it was cheap. However, since it was something he’d continued to use for several years, the reason he looked so miserable once he saw it after the short time he’d left his seat was because he was considerably shocked.
Since he couldn’t help looking at it, Souhei put it away in his desk. On the days where Maki Tamagawa wasn’t at school, the harassment towards Souhei tended to get much worse.
There were almost always several thumbtacks in his shoes in the shoe cupboard. The first time he saw them he tried to chuckle scornfully to himself, how old fashioned, I wonder if anybody would fall for this – but mentally the shock he received wasn’t small. Wet cloth was also thrown into his locker built at the back of the classroom. When he returned from an overnight class trip once, Souhei’s desk alone had been thrown out in the hallway like a sheep lost from the herd. Once Souhei tidied it up, returning it to how it was before, the same old giggles leaked out around him.
When Souhei finished eating the bread he bought, someone called out "Hey, Shima".
It was Hijiri. On the one hand Souhei thought to himself that it was kind of rare for Hijiri to be the one to talk to him, but then he thought absent-mindedly that he stopped calling him “Souhei” like he did a long time ago.
(* typically in Japanese, you only refer to someone with their first name if you’re good friends or if they’re younger than you, referring to someone with their last name shows formality or that you have an indifferent relationship with that person)
"...What?"
"Can I talk to you for a sec?"
Despite the way he phrased it, his tone was imperative. There were two others apart from him, the three surrounded Souhei's seat.
What on earth, Souhei had his guard up.
"Hey, I think you should knock it off with that attitude you’ve got with Tamagawa-san"
"...Attitude?"
"Even though Tamagawa-san lets you talk to her, she told me you were acting cold"
"Well, even if she said that..."
"I didn’t wanna bring it up, but it’s bothering some people in our class. I’m telling you because I’m an old friend of yours.”
Hijiri met eyes with the other two, he looked back at Souhei again and smiled boldly.
"Also you should probably treat girls more gently when you talk to them."
As he said that one of the boys put his hand on Souhei's shoulder. It was a boy called Shiroyama from the soccer club.
"Hey, how come Tamagawa-san’s the only girl you’re into? Tell us."
Shiroyama said with a grin. This was the reason why the harassment accelerated these last few days. Because Maki Tamagawa, who’s attracted all the attention at school, is always following him around. What’s so special about him -- regardless of gender, their eyes always judged him with that. I want to ask the same question, he thought every time deep in his chest.
"Well... I don't know" He really didn't know.
Shiroyama tutted. "Well, whatever, don’t get so carried away for Tamagawa-san”
"...I don’t really-"
"Huh? What was that?"
When Shiroyama threatened him, Souhei closed his mouth like a wilted flower. That would be a bad fight to pick.
(言いがかり – iigakari means both ‘to pick a quarrel’ and ‘a false accusation’… not sure if Souhei referring to talking back to Shiroyama or the accusation that Shiroyama’s making is false.)
"Well that's that then" Hijiri said. "Take care"
His tone was just like he was acting from a sense of justice. But what does that mean? Souhei, however, didn't have the courage to ask that to his face. If he said that he would face new harassment - there's no doubt about that.
Unexpectedly, the classroom door opened. Maki Tamagawa appeared.
"Good mooorning"
The lights came on in the classroom. Everyone raised their heads, their gazes pouring towards her. Even though fifth period was beginning she’ll probably be let off the hook, that’s what everyone seemed to think.
Shiroyama tried to get close to her and greeted her with a bouncy voice "Morning, Tamagawa-san!".
"Moorning, Shiro-chan" Maki Tamagawa said. Shiroyama made a satisfied face. Next, she said "Souhei, good morning!"
"...Good morning."
Souhei spoke as hospitably as he could. As usual Shiroyama’s expression was like someone who just got out of a hot bath, but even though he couldn't make a smile, he thought it was good enough. Just then the English teacher appeared. As the scattered students took that as a sign to return to their seats, the Maki Tamagawa in question approached Souhei's ears and whispered.
"Maki’s gonna find out Souhei's wish no matter what."
Surprised, Souhei's body jumped back "...What?"
"Maki will do anything to find out."
After she said that, she quickly went back to her seat. Souhei had no time to ask her to repeat. What on earth does she mean by ‘wish’? She's been talking about it since I first met her.
But he realized thinking about it was useless. Souhei, who tried to concentrate on class and switched on his brain, opened the notes in his textbook, and took out a sharp pencil from his shredded-up pencil case.
After school, Souhei went into the school’s northern building. He planned to stop by the convenience store and take out a book at the library, then go to Othello’s spot. When he thought that and tried to leave the classroom, the voice of a female student called Mizuguchi from his class called out to him.
The girl is the student that sits right behind Souhei, in her free time she's always making bead-accessories. Apparently, she's in the handicraft club.
"Mr Kashiwazaki called for you" she explained to Souhei briefly and then left.
Kashiwazaki is a middle aged male teacher in charge of science. In any case, it seems like he needs help preparing for an experiment next week. Souhei was sure he remembered being on weekly duty next week. But he wants me to go now… how big is he planning to make the experiment?
In this school there's a so-called preparation officer-system in each class. They’re assigned lesson chores outside of the classroom, someone else is responsible every week.
It can seem like a pain when you’re ordered to do something, but compared to being an executive committee member for events like the culture and sports festival, or for regular activities like health and library committee, Souhei preferred doing this, so he didn’t mind it.
The first floor which housed the special classrooms felt kind of creepy with today's horrible weather and the lack of people there. Souhei knocked on the science prep office's door but he didn't hear a response. According to Mizuguchi, Kashiwazaki should be waiting here. The door wasn’t locked.
The prep room wasn’t very big. He entered the room, Hijiri Aota, who sat on the windowsill, immediately met eyes with Souhei.
"Eh, Hijiri...?"
Souhei saw he was also surprised. His face looked taken aback.
"Oh? Why are you here?"
"…Because I'm the prep officer for this week. What about you?"
In the closed room, when the two came face to face, there seemed to be a different atmosphere than usual.
Hijiri seemed like he didn't want to talk and stayed quiet, but answered briefly after a moment.
"... School trip meeting."
"…Oh, you're in charge. You're meeting here?"
Hijiri is one of the excursion committee members. Many students have more important events in high school, they probably thought they could leave it to the most popular student in class.
"Kashiwazashi's in charge of the trip"
Souhei asked nervously. "...How come you're alone?" There's another girl on the school travel committee.
"...It’s fine if it’s just me for today’s meeting. Anyway, stop asking about every little thing. Just shut up and wait."
Then they both closed their mouths. Souhei sat down in an empty chair.
What a weird story, Souhei thought. Kashiwazashi was planning to have a meeting with the excursion committee and for Grade 11 Class 5’s experiment preparation at the same time. He must be on a pretty tight schedule.
Looking out of the window behind Hijiri, the scenery was struck with rain. There was no sign of it stopping. The rain fell like waves, flapping in the wind ever so often. Each drop hit the window hard. The only sounds in the room were the sound of rain and the music department playing music in the distance.
As the silence continued, the hands on Hijiri’s wristwatch tick-tocked. Slowly. If Kashiwazashi is late, the other class' committee member won't appear at all. In the quiet and dimly lit room, it felt just like a cave in the mountains, like they were waiting to be rescued.
When the momentum of the rain outside became even stronger, Hijiri opened his mouth
"You got Haruka’s pictures right?"
"Eh... Yeah. I did."
It was a few days ago.
"Hmm."
After saying just that Hijiri was quiet again. He didn’t understand the reason behind that, but Souhei didn't ask.
Even so, how long has it been since Hijiri and I talked to one another?
Another 20 or so minutes passed after that. The landscape outside became dark.
He realized he could try to make use of this time. He was currently like this because of his falling-out with Hijiri due to what had happened — to be exact, the hatred from Hijiri was one-sided, his other classmates were probably just piggybacking on that relationship. Despite what Hijiri did or didn’t do until now, Souhei had nonetheless become a target for him to vent his stress onto. But he wasn’t sure that would change, even if his relationship with Hijiri would repair. He wasn’t sure if he’d end up in even more pain.
Hijiri spoke again.
"How many did she give you?"
"...Umm--" the suddenness surprised Souhei.
"--Around thirteen, I think."
"...Whatever, she said she gave them to you."
Hijiri was talking about Haruka. But something in those words sounded rather unpleasant to Souhei.
"She said that she didn’t really care about giving you those photos from two years ago. ‘Cause Haruka told me she thinks you’re in the wrong.” Hijiri spoke like he was doing a monologue again. It was a somewhat fitting way of speaking. Souhei felt a flashing sign of danger, like Hijiri was holding a knife behind his back.
"...What do you mean?"
Souhei couldn't hold it in and asked. He already sensed a discomfort, like his heart was being scraped with sandpaper.
"I told you to shut up-"
In that moment, Souhei knew he didn't want this light to go off.
It's fine if I don’t hear it. I have to close Hijiri's mouth by any means possible, he thought instinctively.
"--We're going out."
That’s what Hijiri said.
It was so quiet his ears hurt.
The rain he saw outside the window was still strong in momentum, it seemed like it would keep falling forever. However, he couldn’t hear the sound of rain. Souhei couldn't hear anything. Hijiri's words just spun around again and again in his head.
I must have misheard him. There's no way—something whispered to Souhei. But Haruka’s been on my side until now. We promised to study at the library together.
-- But that's all.
"Guess you didn’t know then." Hijiri said. "Feel free to ask Haruka."
Souhei felt a huge melting feeling sinking in his stomach. Without any energy, his voice became a whisper.
"Are you surprised?" Hijiri asked.
"I am." Souhei agreed meekly.
The power came out from his body. Naturally he couldn’t even pretend to keep his cool with a fake smile. His heart and lungs just moved on their own accord, he became a speechless doll.
"Well, don't be too glum about it." As Hijiri said that he left the prep room "I'm going home. Have fun waiting."
"Why did Haruka---"
Hijiri's feet stopped outside the door "What?"
"Why did Haruka... care about someone like me? She always cared about me..."
There was a long pause. After that, Hijiri deliberately spoke with a sneering tone.
"Sympathy."
Souhei's head suddenly became hot. He realized his hands had been made into fists. But it was no use. I don’t have the right to get angry--- Souhei held it in. When he thought about how Hijiri spoke to him, he couldn’t put it into words, was it insulting or persecuting? In addition, what he said is probably true. After the three of them stopped being on good terms in middle school, he was the only one that felt left out. Haruka probably only cared about him because of that. It was nothing more than sympathy.
The anger I have for Hijiri is unreasonable. I have to endure it.
How long had it been like that? Suddenly, he realized Hijiri was already gone. The rain had weakened, though only a little.
I'm going home, he thought. But the same time he got up, the door to the room opened.
The science teacher Kashiwazashi flinched in shock when he saw Souhei in a room which should have been empty. "What are you doing here? This place is prohibited, authorized entry only."
<TRANSLATION OF MEKAKUCITY RELOAD ALBUM CROSSFADE>
Now that we’ve met like this again,
Let me tell you one last story.
It’s not about today or tomorrow,
It’s about the day which you forgot.
*The lyrics have been transcribed by ear by Youtube user ンチョモラッゲウンマ (Nchomoraggeunma), there may possibly be mistakes! The text in [ ] is the small text visible above the song title.
IMAGINARY RELOAD (イマジナリーリロード) - A story of being an enemy of the eyes. ( 目の敵にする Me no kataki ni suru is a also an idiom for holding a grudge against someone)
[ “Shout out your delusions! Now!!” ]
“Don’t cry!”, As I awkwardly get my teeth into it,
I take a bold first step into the new dimension filling my brain
「泣かないで！」 不恰好に 喰らい付いたまま 脳内を満たした 新次元 大胆な第一歩 (Edit: Jin released the official lyrics)
NEVER LOST WORD (失想ワァド) - A story of reminiscing about the eyes.
[”In all these days, I wonder how many times I was happy”]
It’s strange that in this world Even the simplest of things are difficult The fact that I can’t return a single word seems so stupid, I begin to cry
不思議なことにこの世界は 普通なことが難しくて 言葉一つも返せないのがバカらしくって 泣いてる
MY FUNNY WEEKEND (マイファニーウィークエンド) - A story of tall eyes.
[”Tomorrow will be dyed into your wonderful eyes, even more than today”]
Go on! Be more happy! That confession (?) was so perfect it makes me dubious
進め！幸せをもっと 告白(?)をずっと 疑うくらいがちょうどいいわ
ADDITIONAL MEMORY (アディショナルメモリー) - A story that doesn’t reach the eyes.
[”I’m sorry, I love you”]
Aah, falling, realizing, a dissolving revolving lantern A song of regret dyes up my thoughts, heading towards the sunset.
あぁ-落ちていく悟っていく散っていった走馬灯 夕映えの向こう想いを染め上げた後悔の歌
LOST DAY HOUR (ロストデイアワー) - A story of leaving eyes idle.
[”’I don’t know if we’re friends or not’, I thought”]
Well, I still don’t know if I became an adult, the sun sets again today
もう大人になったのか わからないまんま 今日も日が落ちる
REMIND BLUE (リマインドブルー) - A story pierced in the eyes.
[”I wonder if I’ll remember this feeling until the next summer comes”]
The blue shadows, the laughing voices and the heartbroken-ness, they all remain in my heart, in the midst of my summer-slump.
青い影 笑い声 切なさも全部 夏枯れたままで 心に遺った (*Edit: Jin released the official lyrics)
AT THE END OF THE FORGOTTEN SUMMER (忘れてしまった夏の終わりに) - A story reflected in the eyes.
[”I want to go to tomorrow, together with everybody”]
Watching the summer flowers decorating this sea of years It makes me happy that I spoke to you again today
COVER VISUALS AND TRACK LIST RELEASED FOR JIN’S 3RD ALBUM “MEKAKUCITY RELOAD” !!
(This is a translation of this article published on universal-music.co.jp, 10/10/2018)
The cover visuals and track list have been released for Jin’s new album “Mekakucity Reload” which goes on sale 7th Nov 2018 (Wed).
Following on from “Additional Memory’s” music video that was released the other day, Shidu -who’s in charge of the draft illustrations for Kagerou Project characters- has drawn the cover illustration. The cover is an illustration of the Kagerou Daze character Marry, the meaning behind the title of this work and the cover illustration is unraveled here, and you are invited into this new “Kagerou Daze” story.
The anticipated music is comprised of seven new songs worth listening to with nine tracks recorded in total. The curtain is opened on this album with “Ever-Youth Roadshow (Instrumental)” ~ “Imaginary Reload”.
“Imaginary Reload”, with band-sound* undertones, has technical components like slap and shuffle-beat and a gradually changing progression like a song from a circus, it’s appropriate as a first song, raising the curtain on the work. “Never-Lost Word” uses motifs from the 7th novel, and has an impressive feel to it as well as a sprinting feeling with its piano and strings, upon reading the novel you’ll be able to imagine the contents of the scenes in the story more vividly. sasakure.UK was invited onto the musical arrangement of “My Funny Weekend”, a Shibuya-Kei** sound is introduced on the axis with cute poppy sounds. Definitely pay attention to this calculated arrangement, which shines in this playfulness. “Additional Memory” has become the leading track of this album, the arrangement is a collaboration between GOUACHE- the band Jin is a part of- and Gushimiyagi Hideyuki, who worked on guitar and vocals. While it’s intense, the piano and the impressive guitar arpeggio have made it a song with a characteristic sound to it. The cries of cicadas play an important role in all of the songs, I hope you listen and notice this. The arrangement of “Lost Day Hour” is also a collaboration with Gushimiyagi Hideyuki, it has a country-feel to it with motifs included in the 6th Novel, it’s become a song focused with strings and other acoustic sounds, but on the other side of that cheerfulness, the arrangement has been made with pain at the same time, like a waning sun. “Remind Blue” also follows on from “Lost Day Hour” with Gushimiyagi Hideyuki in charge of arrangement, with the summer motif, it’s emotional, naïve, and has a band-sound to it, with a sprinting-feeling, please listen out for the guitar sounds of GOUACHE’s two guitarists. “At The End Of The Forgotten Summer” has an oriental melody to it, with piano, strings, wind instruments and bass, and the work then approaches its end credits on the final song that ends on a one-chorus + final performance, “Goodbye Summer Wars”.
Once you have finished listening to the album, begin the novels and the manga so you can enjoy the album from various different angles, I’d like you to discover and find your way to enjoy this current work “Mekakucity Reload” individually.
* There isn’t really an English term for this, I guess this is referring to music that sounds like it’s been recorded by a whole band.
* Shibuya-kei is a microgenre of pop music or a general aesthetic that flourished in the mid to late 1990s. Emerging as Japanese retail music from the Shibuya district of Tokyo, artists purveyed a cut-and-paste style that was inspired by previous genres based on kitsch, fusion, and artifice. (from Wikipedia)
After parting with her, Souhei cut right across the park. The garden was empty on the weekday evening. There weren’t even any kids on the jungle gym slides. Occasionally he passed by a few people jogging and walking.
He came to a path the opposite side of where he exited the grounds, and the library appeared before his eyes. But that wasn’t his destination. There was a regular old copse behind the building. The trees there grew incredibly thickly, it looked dark and uninteresting when viewed from the outside. However, with a close look you could see a small path inside. Souhei stepped down it with a careful stride.
After he crawled down the path growing roughly with as many weeds as possible, his head came out at an empty semi-sphere. It was a small dome. The barrier was like it could’ve come straight out of an anime or something, like it was pasted here and here alone. The sunlight of the almost-evening sun shone in from the ceiling hanging with ivy and branches, they made speckled patters on the leaves and soil. This is the serene space that he always comes to.
Souhei hadn’t shown this place to anybody but himself until now. However you couldn’t call this place a ‘naturally occurring space’. Since in the center, a small and old shrine had been built there.
“Heeey, Othello!”
When Souhei called out, a cat suddenly appeared from the shadow of the shrine. A black and white female cat.
“Meow” she called out and ran over to Souhei’s feet, snuggling up to his body. She must be saying “Hurry up and gimme!”.
“It’s been two days now, hasn’t it.”
Before Souhei went to meet Haruka he stopped by the convenience store to pick up some cat food. He opened the can with nimble fingers and placed it on the shrine pedestal, Othello immediately began to devour it. Souhei also sat down and watched his small friend’s meal.
Having chosen to attend the going-home-club since he began high school, Souhei didn’t really have any other hobbies than reading. Since then he started coming to the library often. One day about a year ago, Souhei came to the library not knowing it was closed for the day. When he walked around the library as he worried about what to do that day, he found the small path hidden in the thicket.
The expertly crafted wooden shrine seemed like it hadn’t been touched by anyone for a long time. Together with the stone pedestals, they didn’t even come up to Souhei’s chest. The shrine itself was installed with small double doors, but they had a lock. Even now it’s unclear whether somebody takes care of it, as Souhei gazed at it, before he realized it she had enshrined by his feet. After that Souhei gave that human-loving cat an easy name.
“Meow.”
When he looked down, he saw Othello rubbing her small head up against Souhei’s back. The can had been completely emptied. Souhei held her in his arms and scratched her neck. The cat purred and curled up. I wonder if I’d be able to take Haruka here if she didn’t have cat allergies—Souhei had already imagined sitting with her here many times. It’s an amazing place where they wouldn’t be disrupted by anyone.
I wonder what Haruka talked about when she met with Hijiri. As Souhei thought about that, he felt like his empty heart started to fill with smoke. He didn’t know what that feeling was. He understood that it was a girly thing to be upset about. But he couldn’t help wanting to know what their meeting at the shrine was like, how they faced each other, what words were exchanged.
I wonder if Haruka laughed?
Did Hijiri smile?
If they did, how many times?
The fact that he couldn’t have an interesting conversation like Hijiri annoyed him. He probably made Haruka smile more than I did.
Then, when he realized his fingers touched something hard tied up on the cat’s neck, Souhei snapped back to reality.
“…What’s this doing here?”
A red ribbon was tied around Othello’s neck. It’s something Souhei tied around her one day. But today there was a key in it.
“What’s this key?” He looked at it, holding it up to the light. It was an awfully small key. It was rusty, and so cheap it seemed like it would bend if you pressed it too hard. It was hard to believe it could easily get caught on a stray cat’s neck. Did someone somehow put this here? But in what circumstances would someone entrust this key to some random cat.
He could be wrong, but from the size of the key it didn’t seem to be for a house or apartment. It’s probably too small for a bike lock or locker, and probably not big enough for a door. When he thought of that it suddenly hit him.
“Maybe…”
Souhei stood up abruptly. He looked towards the shrine behind him, he knew it was just the right size for the shrine door lock. But why the shrine key, he looked down at Othello. The cat groomed herself absentmindedly.
He put it in carefully, the key turned around without resistance, almost too easily. So much that he couldn’t believe it was rusty. A little confused, bearing in mind nobody was watching him, he pushed forward.
In the tiny space inside the door, purple cloth was laid out like it built up a throne, upon which a strange object was placed.
“What is this….?”
It was placed like a crystal ball that a fortune teller uses, that was what the situation was like, but by the look of its shape that wasn’t right. It was a cube made of a metal-like material---
He took a quick look around the room. He was still alone. The atmosphere here might be cursed, but he was defeated by his curiosity.
Souhei picked it up. When he felt it with his fingers it had a heavy feeling, from that he guessed it somehow wasn’t made of iron. But it seemed stronger than plastic. On the other hand, it couldn’t be wood and it wasn’t made of aluminium.
The strength was probably slightly heavier than a baseball. Souhei placed it in one hand and moved it up and down. When he did-
“----ou have----“
The voice he suddenly heard made him turn around in surprise. But nobody was there.
Souhei grimaced. Othello was curled up outside the shrine. Outside the trees, the sound of cars moving far away could be heard. There were no changes in the noises.
Not fully satisfied, his gaze returned to the palm of his hand. That must have been his imagination, the cube felt like it was tinged with some heat.
“Do y ---- a wi -----“
Someone really is here! Souhei scanned his surroundings. But he couldn’t locate the origin of the voice. It seemed to surprise him because it was far away, but it also seemed like it was whispering in his ear. From its gentle sound and the soft voice, he guessed it was the voice of a young girl.
“…Wh-Who is that? Where are you?”
“Do y----- ish?”
“Uh, wh-what….?”
“Do you have----“
“Do I have…?”
“---A wish?”
“…Excuse me?”
It was incomprehensible. Is this a prank? Unable to calm down, Souhei walked around in circles, cautious of his surroundings.
Returning to the front of the shrine, Souhei’s feet stopped, his gaze jumping over to the entrance of the trees. There aren’t any other paths to this semi-circle space apart from that messy path. Although you can probably force your way in from another place, he guessed that pushing through the bushes would make a sound. He waited intently for someone to appear.
However his anticipations were in vain, there weren’t any signs of that by the entrance. Souhei was confused. Where the heck did that come from…
When he gave up and turned back to the shrine, a face appeared before his eyes.
“---Gyah!”
Screaming out, Souhei fell to the damp earth.
That was an unexpected situation. Thump thump thump--- his heart violently beat inside his chest. His gaze traveled from the person’s toe to head, then back to their toes.
It was a similarly aged girl to Souhei.
Her hair was fairly short, she wore a bow-tie round her neck, and she wore kind of stylish clothes, like some kind of stage costume. Looking closely, she wore short gloves. Her black stockings were ripped here and there for some reason, and her white complexion was exposed from the round and open holes. But the girl didn’t seem to care, she looked down at Souhei with a grin.
“H- Huh…? H-How long were you here?”
From the way she appeared and the way she dresses, this seemed like she was performing a large scale magic trick.
The girl opened her mouth.
“What’s your name?”
“…E-excuse me?”
“Name, your name.”
Where was she hiding? It was just me—me and Othello here. Souhei shifted his gaze to the shrine behind the girl, but the cat had disappeared somewhere. She was probably scared by the scream.
“C’mon, tell me! What’s your name?”
---Name? My name?
“Uh…” Souhei stood up timidly. “Sh-Shima…”
“Shima?”
“It’s… Souhei Shima.”
“Souhei Shima.” The girl repeated with a confident nod. “Souhei, right! I’ll remember it.”*
She’s much more childish than her appearance. He thought the girl in front of him was probably in middle school.
“…Um, could I ask you something?”
“What’s up?” The girl said with a friendly smile.
“Were you asking me… about my wish?”
“Yeah, that was me. But it’s fine for now.”
“Huh?” she seemed disappointed.
“If I wait a little longer it’ll probably be more clear. Until then I’ll stay near Souhei.”
“Wha-?”
What is this girl… He didn’t understand what she said, a light bulb lit up in his head instead.
“What’s your name?” Souhei’s voice ended up sounding a little too excited when he tried to ask hospitably.
“Maki is Maki.”
“…Maki-chan then? It’s getting pretty late so I’m going home soon.”
“Huuuh, you’re already going home?” She made a face like it was the end of the world.
“Yeah… sorry but I gotta go. You should probably go home too.”
Souhei said the first thing that came to his head. Even though he doesn’t have any kind of curfew. But this Maki girl seems like the kind of person you shouldn’t get involved with. He wanted to avoid trouble.
However, he suddenly realized. Where did that cube go? Before he realized it his hands were empty. Maybe he dropped it when he fell over. But he couldn’t see it around. It didn’t seem like the cat took it.
“Is that alright?”
“…Fine.”
He realized something else strange.
The shrine door had closed somehow. Even though it shouldn’t be, it was also locked. Come to think of it he didn’t remember where the key went. No, it should be sticking out of the keyhole. But it wasn’t there either.
Souhei forcibly suppressed his questions. None of them really concerned him. He didn’t apologize to the owner of the key, putting a key around a stray cat’s neck is sloppy organisation so they probably can’t complain.
“…Well, bye.”
“Yeah, see you soon.” The Maki-named girl waved the hand above her head back and forth.
As he smiled as much as possible and waved back, Souhei returned back the way he came. Then when he reached the back of the library he kept a distance and half jogged away. He planned to keep the secret place only to himself, he didn’t plan to share it with anyone else. Maybe he should save for going back there for a while.
Souhei’s house is an apartment on the third floor of a municipal housing block, a room on the top floor. Souhei opened the heavy steel door, and said “I’m home” in a small voice. A common greeting. There was no response. Just the sound of typing on a keyboard which echoed from the room to the right hand side of the corridor.
Souhei doesn’t have parents. Souhei’s mother died immediately after giving birth to him, and he lived with his father Youichi for a short while. Youichi Shima worked for a company that made optical equipment. But on the way home from a business trip to the head office, his father was involved in a car accident on the highway, and was also killed. It was an accident that Souhei couldn’t make sense of.
Souhei took a quick peek into the open room, when he identified the back of the person there, he went inside. Quickly, making as little noise as possible. When the keyboard typing noises are louder, it’s when she’s in a bad mood.
The master of the keyboard noises was his aunt.
Youichi’s sister Kazuho is Souhei’s guardian. Youichi and Kazuho also had no parents, so it seemed like since they were young the two siblings lived together. When the accident happened, his aunt worked for a design company. But when she decided to take in her orphaned nephew, she decided to stop working for a short while in order to spend time with him. After that, with help from her surroundings, it seemed like his aunt started working as what’s seems to be a freelance designer-cum-illustrator. It’s entirely different from name’s impression, his aunt expressed her complaints before since the actual details of the job were so simple. The design subjects are mainly book designs, the illustrations also seem to mainly be drawings for the corners of books.
Souhei entered the living room at the end of the corridor. A book titled “Schematic Diagrams of All Well Known Gothic Architecture” was placed together with some torn wrapping paper on a table in the kitchen corner. It was probably a sample book sent by a publishing company.
Souhei left his bag in his room, and then took out several withering vegetables from the fridge and began to make dinner without even having a breather. He poured water into a deep pot and put it on the flame. He placed a frying pan on the open stove, and stir fried the vegetables. He tried to be as quiet as possible, but nonetheless he made some noise.
“Be quiet.”
An inorganic voice spoke up. His aunt, who had appeared behind him before he knew it, was taking some milk out of the fridge. Her hair was done in a braid to her right, having it on her shoulders was a style she often did while she was working. His aunt maintained a tall and slender figure. Not a single one of her wrinkles stood out. Just from a glance she looks in mid-twenties, that’s what Souhei had heard some of housewives in the same apartment block say.
Since it looked like she didn’t bother to put on makeup, she probably didn’t go outside today. She had a casual appearance today of cotton knee-length shorts and a t-shirt.
“Sorry, aunt.” Souhei said only that and turned back to the stove. Thinking about the gaze of his aunt behind him made him a little nervous. “I’m already done.”
He served the appropriate vegetables for instant ramen, it was Souhei’s standard menu. Beans, cabbage, onions, scallions, carrots, bok choy, garlic, tomatoes, green pepper, potatoes, and so on, he just ended up throwing in things that they currently had in the fridge.
Souhei only made his own dinner. This was normal for him. It’s a rule in this house. His aunt basically lives day and night in reverse, so the housework is too. Dinner time for Souhei is his aunts work time. When Souhei’s done eating bread he buys in school, his aunt only just wakes up at home.
When Souhei finished cooking he came to the table, his aunt gave him two 1,000 yen notes.
“We ran out of milk, go buy some tomorrow. We need cereal and bacon like usual too. Also white bread, the 8-slice kind. This’ll cover you for tomorrow.” They were straightforward instructions.
“Got it.” Souhei nodded. He answered straight to the point too.
His aunt left the empty milk carton. That action was too rude, the nimble carton shook like wheat and fell over with a thud, his aunt already returned to her work room before it did.
We had a conversation --- Souhei thought. Lately it wasn’t rare for them to have a day where they wouldn’t say even a word to one another.
While he looked at the two 1,000 yen notes on the table, he took his chopsticks to the instant ramen. His circumstances weren’t peaceful. That tendency gradually started to appear since middle school, it increased even further since entering high school.
Souhei is given a round of money for several days, those are his so called “Living expenses”, but he realized it differed from what seems like “Pocket money” that boys and girls aged similarly to him receive from their parents. He understood that the purpose of his money couldn’t help but be limited. Because of that Souhei started going to the library, which doesn’t cost any money, more often, having not formed any decent relationships since starting high school, and now being in the same class as Hijiri Aota in his second year, he was friendless in class.
They quarrel a lot, but Souhei doesn’t hate his aunt, he didn’t plan on pushing his unfortunate responsibilities on her.
It seemed like his aunt was living and working alone until now. But as she cared for him as a child, it was impossible for her to commute to work every day--- she left that company when she understood that, and raised her young nephew until this point. He couldn’t hate her. He didn’t want to. He couldn’t thank her enough. Even if she didn’t have money, because she had friends, Souhei was able to get up to high school. In addition she was an incredibly kind woman before. They always used to play together, and she’d help with his homework. She’d read him picture books on sleepless nights, she would show him books she designed herself.
But it was a little while after Souhei entered middle school --- their lives passed by each other and the quarrels increased. What on earth was the cause? Souhei didn’t have a clue, but he felt like it didn’t take much time until his awkward relationship with his aunt settled down into their current relationship of growing coldness. When he thought about it, maybe he actually preferred it when they were still fighting.
He poured the lukewarm ramen into his stomach, took a shower making as little noise as possible, and secluded himself to his room afterwards waiting for the drowsiness to finally come over him.
Souhei picked up the framed picture on his desk.
The photograph’s location was probably some hot spring somewhere. His healthy-looking father stood next to his gentle-looking mother. The two were young. His father had a huge body, his giant arms wrapped around his mother’s slender shoulders. I wonder if it’s even a little genetic – Souhei was taller than an average high school student.
When he looked at this photograph, Souhei’s heart, like tangled thread, would tend to calm down. He obviously didn’t for his mother, but Souhei really doesn’t remember his father’s funeral.
He did some cramming for exams for a little while, but fatigue immediately came over him like it fell out of a hole, he wrapped himself up in his futon. I probably won’t dream tonight – he thought.
* Souhei’s name is written like this --> 草 (そ う so u)平 (へ い he i), but when Maki-chan says his name she does it with extended vowels, そー(so-)へー(he-). I decided to keep the spelling the same, mainly because ‘Soohee’ or ‘So-he’ will be read differently by English speakers.
He hated the free space between until lesson began and after the school bell.
He put himself somewhere on the school grounds, pecking at bread he bought in the canteen like a park sparrow. Flipping through a book while he ate that--- That was the way Souhei Shima spent lunch.
Lately favouring a bench on the school yard, today too side-glancing students amused themselves with soccer and baseball as he immersed himself in a sci-fi book written by an English author.
It’s a good book. He always looks forward to jumping into the story’s world. Souhei finished without even realising it himself, but now immersed himself in the book like he was plunged into it from head-to-toe. White fuzz-like clouds stood still in the clear blue sky of May.
However if he leaves here after the bell rings, he’ll be late to class. Souhei finished his reading and finally stood up heavily like lead, then reluctantly returned to the school building.
Noise remained in the classroom, but as he went through the door nobody called out to Souhei. In front of the window, a group of people encircled a fashion magazine spread out on the desk.
“Doesn’t this model look like Hijirin?” A boy belonging to the soccer club spoke merrily. “He looks just like him.”
“Oh yeah. His whole vibe’s kinda similar too.” A girl with a loose perm agreed.
“Do you think so? It’s just the hair style.” Hijiri Aota replied primly. Hijirin, that’s how he’s nicknamed.
Souhei sat at his seat in the middle of the back row. As quietly as possible, so he wouldn’t stand out. What he first checks when he returns to his seat is if the pencil case and textbooks in his desk drawer are safe or not. He checks the contents of his nylon pencil case too. His mechanical pencil, ballpoint pen and ruler haven’t changed. Only flicking through a couple of notebooks it seemed there were no problems. However, recently it’s been normal to have parts of it scribbled on.
Souhei waited for lesson to begin in silence. But not doing anything made him feel bored, and he stood out again. Because of that it’s a custom for him to prepare his text books for next lesson. Fifth period is math. Souhei thought the margin-like time frame was so absurd. Class should hurry up and start already. Then this excessive time will end without me even thinking about it.
When he held down his knee which tapped anxiously, the teacher finally arrived. A fifty year old man with salt and pepper tones mixed in his white hair. “Sit down everyone” he spoke in a tone that couldn’t suppress his fatigue. No apology for being late then, Souhei thought, looking at the clock almost three minutes had passed since the beginning of lesson.
While salt and pepper head wrote up fractional equations on the black board, Souhei almost unconsciously shifted his gaze over to Hijiri.
Even though their class had only just changed and they entered Grade 11*, Hijiri Aota had already become the most popular person in class 5. Thanks to his influential voice and good looking face, he had a lot of attention from girls. Because he makes boring subjects into interesting conversations he’s also idolised by boys. It’s been like that for a while, he’s been entrusted as leaders of groups, with a strong sense of justice, many times now. Souhei has known him since his first year of elementary school.
The sound of chalk and pencils overlapped in the quiet classroom. Souhei wrote the main formulae in his notebook, and suddenly something rolled to his feet.
It was an eraser. Once he picked it up, he realised it belonged to the girl who sat diagonally from him. The female student turned around and looked at the eraser in Souhei’s hand, and just for a second, made a face like she thought “Crap”.
Pretending not to notice that, Souhei silently – and as gentleman-ly as possible – returned the eraser. Picking it up with two fingers from the palm of his hand, the girl nodded slightly with a “Thanks”, and turned back to the blackboard as soon as she could.
The lesson continued smoothly without disturbance.
Once fifth period finished, Souhei, who was on his way back from the toilet, met eyes with Hijiri for a second around the corner. It looked like he was coming up from downstairs, he had a juice box in his hand. He probably came from the cafeteria, Souhei thought.
Usually Hijiri ignores Souhei like he doesn’t exist, but this time Souhei’s gaze and Hijiri’s gaze ended up concurring precisely, neither could pretend to be indifferent.
“Hey…” Souhei said. An incredibly awkward voice came from his throat.
But his companion was nonetheless silent. Carrying a gaze as sharp as a knife in his eyes, Hijiri turned towards the classroom.
Like something pushed him, Souhei called “Wait” to Hijiri’s back. His legs stopped.
“What do you want.” Hijiri’s voice was cold as he turned around. “We’ll be late to class.”
Souhei felt sad as he heard that. But he tried not to express that on his face.
“…I want to make up.”
Hijiri laughed sharply, like he spat. “We’re not pre-schoolers.”
It really seems like we are pre-schoolers, he thought. But he couldn’t help that these were his true feelings. Even though he was at a loss for words, Souhei opened his mouth. “… I want the harassment that everyone’s doing to stop.”
“Hey now.” Hijiri shook his head, he looked like he was suppressing a laugh. “Stop making it seem like I’m the one who’s responsible for that. Do you have any evidence?”
“Well…” his open lips tasted the air. But no words came after them.
“Tell me what I did.” Hijiri said afterwards. “Say it. Come on. Huh?”
Souhei couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t possibly name all the treatment he’d received until now one by one. Souhei stood in silence, and Hijiri shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the classroom.
“Ah, wait…”
“This conversation’s over.” His back said. Hijiri waved to the figures that appeared in front of him. “Heeey, wait up.”
“Oh, Hijirin. You’re still here” it was a member of the soccer club from the same class. After he glanced at Souhei who looked like he’d been left behind, he asked Hijiri, rushing over to him. “…What’s up with him?”
“It’s nothing.” Hijiri shook his head. “Let’s hurry. English’s about to start.”
“Woah, seriously?”
Souhei watched the two become distant.
Hijiri was an important friend to me--- it’s no mistake that their relationship could be considered one of ‘close friends’, at least until the two were in middle school. But the person who destroyed that relationship was Souhei himself. After that Hijiri ended up getting hurt. And afterwards, he started to seem hostile towards Souhei.
Souhei also walked back to the classroom. His mournful sigh left a long trail.
After all lessons had ended, school immediately increased in noise with students occupied with club activities and the like.
Souhei took no notice to that pleasant tumult, and left school. He left the school gate, took a left, and without even taking ten minutes straight down the highway he could see his destination. It was Hachiougi park. It had a tennis court, baseball field, pool, soccer field and other sports facilities, it was a huge park with a library and leisure centre attached to it.
On the bench he was used to sitting at Souhei waited for someone in the park. At the nearby water fountains, a three-ish aged boy looked up at the water that gushed up towards the sky with wide eyes. On the stone bench next to it, a young woman who must be his mother was seated.
“Sorry to keep you waiting.”
Before he realised it a girl was standing there.
“I wasn’t waiting that long, Haruka.”
“What were you looking at?”
Haruka Kurisawa leaned over like she was trying to meet the point of Souhei’s gaze, her eyes turned to the water fountain. It made his heart jump. Her long black hair swooped down, a sweet smell tickled Souhei’s nose.
“It’s nothing. I was just spacing out.” Souhei moved aside in a hurry.
“Really?”
Haruka sat down next to Souhei. Her long-sleeved blazer looked a little warm in today’s weather, she wiped the sweat off her forehead with a handkerchief taken from her bag.
“Sorry I’m so late.”
“No worries.” Souhei shook his head.
Haruka Kurisawa and Souhei Shima are childhood friends. Hijiri Aota is too, they’ve known each other since their first year of elementary school. The three stayed like that until middle school, but now Haruka goes to an all-girls school in the city.
They got to know each other straight away, but for some reason the three got on really well. Even though the three don’t share any specific personality traits, skills or hobbies, they’re exactly counterpart to one another, like a trisected cake. That’s probably what you call compatibility, Souhei thought.
Except now the space between Hijiri and Souhei had grown into a huge gap.
“Did you talk to Hijiri?” Haruka turned her head to the side.
Even though she seemed to ask it completely nonchalantly, Souhei knew that deep down she was pretty worried.
“Not really. It seemed like he didn’t want to talk.” Souhei tried to keep his calm as much as possible when he spoke, when he saw Haruka’s expression he couldn’t say any more.
“Really…” Haruka said. “Especially since you two are in the same class too…”
It seemed like the mother and child by the fountain had gone away somewhere. Their surroundings were quiet. Souhei’s time spent with Haruka like this was more important than anything. Even though they just have trifling conversations when they meet, just that makes him feel satisfied.
“Let me return this.” Haruka pulled out a paperback book from her bag, with a smile like a blooming flower. “It was really interesting.”
It was a mystery novel that Souhei lent to her two weeks ago. She was probably trying to change the subject. Her voice had become conspicuously lighter.
“I’m glad. Wasn’t it surprising how all the plot points tied together?”
“Yeah. It felt really refreshing for some reason.”
For a while Haruka has been able to make friends with anyone regardless of gender. She doesn’t care about trends, with irreproachable conduct she’s only enthusiastic about studying. In middle school when they were in the same class, their female Japanese teacher used Haruka Kurisawa as an example for the meaning of the term “Yamato Nadeshiko”.
But now that she’s become a high school student, Souhei knew that her making time for him was just the kindness of women. She probably thought the relationship of ‘childhood friends’ was important. However, Haruka didn’t know how Souhei was being treated in his class. She also didn’t know that he and his only other childhood friend Hijiri Aota had been in a fight for a long time.
But Souhei didn’t plan to tell her the truth. It’s like I’m being bullied in class, he wondered what would happen if he said that. And the ringmaster is Hijiri himself, too. He couldn’t possibly say that. It’s no question that if she learnt that, Haruka would become incredibly sad.
It was something that happened a month ago.
At first he thought it was his imagination. The dullness of his classmate’s reactions when he happened to talk to them, or the eraser shavings that spilled out of his locker, or the tiny scribbles that he suddenly noticed on his desk, or the stifled laughs he heard coming from behind him, those things. But when he thought about it now, he wasn’t sure if it was just all in his head, despite the fact that he realised these things.
That day, he got until the school’s entrance hall on his way home when he realised he’d forgotten something in his desk. It was some sort of printout that had to be shown to a guardian. It wasn’t urgent, but because he especially remembered it Souhei turned back up the stairs. However, when he got up to the front of the class 5 classroom his feet stopped. He thought nobody would be around anymore, but stifled laughing voices echoed from inside the classroom.
“How the hell has that guy still not noticed.” It was a boy’s voice. The voice’s characteristics were low, but he didn’t know who it belonged to. Souhei couldn’t remember his classmates, he was unable guess from the voice alone.
“You got that right.” Another boy laughed. It was a high and husky voice in contrast to the person from before. But he really didn’t know who it was either. “He’s such a thickhead.”
“He’s always been like that.”
That was Hijiri’s voice. When he realised that, Souhei pressed his ear to the crack in the slightly opened door.
“A day ago I doodled something on Shima’s desk. I think he noticed in the middle of lesson, he looked confused for a sec and erased it like normal. I think he thought it’d been there for a long time, that’s what he looked like.”
When the boy with the low voice said that, Hijiri and the other boy laughed.
“He didn’t even realise the doodles.” Husky said. “He completely missed the eraser-shaving tactic that Hijirin thought of too. I thought he’d definitely notice that.”
“You’re giving me a stomach ache.” The low voice burst into laughter. “Did they fall out when he opened his locker? He’s so weird! C’mon, they’re not supposed to be there! Notice it already!”
Hijiri and husky chuckled.
“Nah, thanks to what Hijirin told us we’ve found a great toy. But haven’t you and Shima been together since elementary school?”
“Yeah, to tell the truth I guess we have.” Hijiri answered in a languid voice.
“Did you forget?” Low said.
“He’s pretty forgettable.” Husky said. “What’re we doing next, Hijirin?”
“Right. I’ve got an idea for tomorrow. Hey, until he realises it’ll be really fun.”
Souhei turned back to the stairway without making a noise. He choked too much, his face burnt up like fire. But at the same time, he felt his heart become cold and hard like metal.
After that day Souhei always felt like something hard was stuck in his chest.
“Souhei, are you studying?”
He suddenly came to his senses at Haruka’s words. “---Hm? What?”
“Are you studying? Books are great and all, but we’re in Grade 11 now.”
“…Ah, I guess so, in my own way.” Souhei kept up a smile. “But I’m no match for you, Haruka.”
“That’s not true.”
She was being modest but since they were kids, her excellent results – though she never formally announced them – from her middle school exams were rumoured to have shone in first place. Apparently people in other classes secretly heard from club advisors.
“Hey, should we start studying together?” Haruka said.
“Together? Aren’t the subjects you do over there different?” Even if the subjects we do are the same, aren’t the way lessons are taught different depending on schools, Souhei thought.
However, she nodded proudly. “That’s why we should do it. We probably have similar homework and revision. And we can teach each other the parts we don’t know, right?”
I wonder if there are any parts that Haruka doesn’t know--- he thought, but the more time he has together with her the better. Souhei naturally nodded his head.
“Where should we go?” His house was unusable. Remembering the state of his home gave Souhei a depressing feeling.
“How about the library? They’ve got lots of different types of books there.” Haruka said.
“Ah, the library---“ Souhei suddenly remembered.
Haruka turned to the clock tower built next to the water fountain.
“Is it about time?”
“Yeah. It’s starting to get dark.”
“Ok. Well next time we’ll go to that library.” As Haruka said that she stood up and sighed. “Ahh, I’d love to come see Othello-chan with you if I could…”
“Must be difficult having cat allergies.” Souhei picked up his bag.
“I just can’t stop sneezing. So I just watch a bunch of cat videos on the internet instead.”
“Videos?” Souhei turned his head to the side.
“Watching them is the best part. There are so many videos that people record as they please on there. I’ve watched so many videos of cats and dogs, they’re both so cute, but I realised they took up all my study time.”
Haruka laughed shyly.
“Huh, I didn’t know about that. Is it the same site that <<clouds>> uploads their videos onto?”
“Right.”
<<clouds>> is Haruka’s favourite band. Since she was small Haruka hasn’t cared about popular music, having only listened to her parents’ influences of jazz and classical, it’s the only rock band she’s ever cared about. They upload new songs and live performances onto a video sharing site on the internet, since middle school they gained enormous popularity. However, two years ago their activity stopped for some reason. Rumor has it that the lead singer, a boy called Seiji, went missing. Seiji was apparently also born in Hachiougi, the news about him has livened up the middle-school girls in the city.
“Oh, yeah.” About to leave, Haruka remembered something and pulled some photographs out of her bag. “Here.”
“These are…”
It was a photo of Souhei and Haruka, and Hijiri too, standing shoulder to shoulder with overgrown greenery behind them. The moment he saw it, Souhei felt like he could hear the cicada’s cries from then.
The time was the summer holidays in Grade 8--- the location was a glass-making workshop on a mountain on the prefectural boundary, outside the city. Because Haruka said she wanted to try glass making for a long time, Souhei planned it together with Hijiri and kept it a secret until just before their trip. He still clearly remembers Haruka’s emotional state when she found out to this day.
The other photographs were also full of happy times. Haruka blowing into an iron blowpipe while her face turned bright red, Hijiri pretending to drink beer out of a mug, the two boys sleeping like logs on the train home and so on, scenes from the trip were vividly cut out.
“What nostalgic photographs.” Souhei spoke honestly. Come to think of it he completely remembered what happened. They left in the morning, because they each got home before dinner you would say it was a short trip. But nonetheless it was really fun.
“To tell the truth I felt like I definitely had to give these to you. I’m sorry, I only just remembered.” Haruka spoke like she was honestly apologetic.
“No” Souhei shook his head. “Thank you.”
Taking photographs with an SLR is Haruka’s hobby. Her father taught her in elementary school, that’s how she got into it.
There were once times where I laughed with Hijiri like this--- As Souhei gazed at the photos Haruka spoke.
“I gave these to Hijiri the other day too.”
Souhei raised his head. “---You met with Hijiri?”
“Yeah, of course.” She nodded with a pure smile. “You’d know that I hadn’t given these photos from our trip to either of you until now if you talked to Hijiri. I printed them out and put them in an envelope, and I was supposed to put them in your desk drawer. That was until the other day. It’s clumsy, but I completely forgot.”
Souhei didn’t hear the second half of what Haruka said. “…Where?”
“Huh?”
“Where did you see Hijiri?”
“Umm… the shrine. By my house.”
There’s a small Inari shrine close to Haruka’s house. In elementary school the three used to play at that quiet place. It’s not weird that she met Hijiri. It was probably a conversation like the one we’re having right now. That’s what Souhei tried to convince himself, but hearing that from Haruka’s mouth made him extremely worried.
“Right. Yeah, ok… What did you do?” Souhei hesitated, but he wasn’t able to expel the question he had. As calmly as possible, he asked smoothly.
However Haruka seemed not to realise Souhei’s deep feelings.
“Nothing special. We just talked a little, like us today. Why?”
“No, it’s nothing.” He didn’t like that Haruka gave the photos to Hijiri before himself. But when he felt that he tried to supress his feelings, he felt like something was wrong with himself. Like he was a little kid.
“Although, Hijiri wasn’t acting like himself.” Haruka spoke admonishingly.
“…Right, ok.” Souhei put the photos away in his bag. No. His relationship with Hijiri was hopeless now. But he couldn’t convey that to her.
“Well, see you soon.” Souhei said.
“Bye bye, Souhei.” Haruka replied.
*In Japanese high schools, the first school term begins (and the classes are consequently moved around - this is called the クラス替え/kurasu gae) in March/April and lasts until July before breaking off for summer vacation.
It was an outrageously impossible phenomenon. He didn’t have a clue how it had come to this. The unsettled boy looked around him, almost in tears.
The town was completely overflowing with people at night. If he reached out he could touch them. But his body wasn’t reflected in their eyes. Doing something like calling for help would be impossible.
Why has this happened?
Where should I go now?
The question mark that popped up in his head had no destination. He could scream but his voice wouldn’t even reach anywhere. The only person that could prove he exists here, is himself.
Discouragement and fear mixed together, he felt like despair loomed behind him.
Souhei, who lost his parents and lives together with his aunt, becomes isolated in his class thanks to his former friend and fellow member of the track and field club Hijiri. The bullying towards Souhei accelerates, and the cause is the simple behavior of the mysterious, beautiful girl Maki who follows Souhei around. With things going poorly for his home-working aunt as well as the only person who understands him and showing him good will, Haruka, Souhei’s hand becomes unreachable. Strongly believing that he’s lost the place he belongs, Souhei suddenly realizes that his body does not reflect in the eyes of others, and his voice no longer reaches others. Souhei has become an invisible person. When Souhei wanders into an unknown city, guided by a stray cat that he befriends before long, he loses himself in an “Invisible City” where invisible people gather and live together.
A Tale of Six Trillion Years And A Night: Interlude - Zero
Chapter 5: Part 2 | Afterword
“I thought I had to be patient. I thought there was no other way. I thought it was normal.
But it was hard. It was hard being lonely.
Why am I alone?
Why do I not have any friends?
Why do I have to live alone?
I understand I can’t say something like I have to hurry up and die. That was the first thing I thought.
Even though I want to die, I won’t. I don’t even have the courage to defy that. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for finding it so difficult to be alone. I hate everything. I hate that I can’t even cry by myself too.
I just hate being alone.
I want to be close, I want to be close to someone. I just want to be close to someone.
It shouldn’t just have to be me, suffering along. There’s no reason that it should.
So.”
“ I w a n t t o d i e “
“ I w a n t t o b e k i l l e d “
“ L e t m e m e e t m y f a t e o f b e i n g k i l l e d “
Is that a wish? Your wish?
In that case, let Maki-chan grant it.
Maki-chan will grant your wish.
Don’t worry, look, over there.
There’s someone just like you over there.
Someone who will be your companion or family, or even your friend or lover.
Let Maki-chan tell you something.
You’ll use up your life, you’ll meet your fate.
But Maki-chan doesn’t know what will happen after that.
Maki-chan is God.
Maki-chan is a wind-up.
Maki-chan is the wish granting device created by the professor.
So Maki-chan will grant it. Whatever it is, Maki-chan will grant it.
Maki-chan will grant every single one of the professor’s descendant’s wishes.
“…Aren’t you lonely?
Continuing to grant wishes alone forever.
Isn’t that lonely?”
………….?
What’s alo~one?
What’s lo~onely?
Maki-chan doesn’t know.
I’m sure it’s fine if Maki-chan doesn’t know.
Because Maki-chan only exists to grant wishes.
“Right…”
“---------One day.
It would be nice if there was someone who could live together with you one day.
Someone who you could spend lots and lots of time together with.”
“Someone who could love you.”
….. ….. ?
….. ….. …..
….. …………. ……
What’s lonely?
What’s alone?
What’s kind?
……. What’s lo~ove?
Maki-chan doesn’t understand.
Because Maki-chan will always be alone, Maki-chan doesn’t understand.
But when Maki-chan understands that.
Then Maki-chan ---- Then I wonder if happiness can be found in a world for two people.
(Turn page)
I am the wind-up God Maki-chan.
The Wish Granting Device.
The professor made Maki-chan this way, in this world that continued for six trillion years which I destroyed in a night.
That is why I’ll continue to grant wishes in this new world
Because all of you born in the new world, will be the professor’s descendants.
And I grant the wishes of the professor’s descendants.
From boxes, through dreams, through sounds, through words.
I ask you.
Because I am Maki-chan.
My wish?
That’s a secret. An absolute secret. Maki-chan’s secret, that I won’t tell anyone.
Not even Riku or Yuuto or Souhei or Natsuhiko know it.
My important secret, that only Maki-chan knows.
On the world’s final day, it would be nice if my wish was granted-----
