Journal Challenge

I just thought this would be fun. Let's hope I actually stick through with it!

[nauthauter]

It is week 3, and so far these are the classes I really enjoy

Psy303- i did not expect this class to be extremely interesting. i am actually am excited to even go attend this class

Biochem- clearly the superior chemistry class for premeds. i have very negative emotions and memories associated with ochem so i am so glad i am here now

Genetics- fuck, i love science. i have heard horror stories about this class but w/e i really enjoy this class.

[nauthauter]

So far I like all my classes.

I have Genetics with the professor I had for immunology, which was my favorite class last spring. I have no doubt in my mind that this class will be the hardest (along with Biochem) but I also have full confidence in my professor’s teaching style, and I will definitely find a way to enjoy this class. I have the discussion section for this class tomorrow, which hopefully i will enjoy too.

Ocher 2 lab will be easier for me since i already took ochem 2 and i will be more familiar with the concepts now. This wasn’t the case when i took the lab for ochem 1 because i literally did not know what i was doing there, so maybe this time i won’t be so clueless anymore. We won’t be doing any actual labs until next month so it’s hard for me to say whether i like it or not, but this class will be the least of my worries.

Bacterial pathogenesis is probably my favorite class as of now. I love my professor’s enthusiasm for the course, I am always so engaged whenever she talks. I also really really love microbiology and this course is basically an extension of it so yay! 

So far my anxieties are mainly with my other non-class responsibilities now, the research lab and APHP. I am worried that I will fuck up and disappoint people, and that it will be hard for me to learn how things work. The classes i am worried about not doing well in are biochem and genetics, which probably will be the hardest classes this semester. So I have to work hard for those two especially. 

[nauthauter]

Junior (hell) year

I am now officially a junior in college. Today was the first day of the fall semester, and let me tell you right now: this will be the busiest semester I have ever had, by far. I am taking 15 credits which include 2 upper division biology courses, 1 upper division psychology course, Biochemistry, an Organic Chemistry lab, a psychology research lab, and I am also the secretary of a pre-health organization on campus.

Let’s see how this semester will go for me. I will for sure learn a lot about time management, because I actually really need to manage my time well. I have to sacrifice a lot of my social life and my hobbies. I might not even be able to prioritize going to the gym as much anymore.

Today I had my Foundations of Physiological Psych course. It’s a type of neuroscience course. I think I will enjoy this class because the material is something I do have an interest in, and my professor seems like a cool dude. 

I also had Biochemistry today. From what I’ve heard, biochem is cake compared to ochem. After taking (and passing!) both organic chemistry courses over the summer, I feel like I can take anything on (because those classes were hell and stressed me like no other). I’m not underestimating this class of course, because it’s a 400-level course for a reason. I expect most of the harder and more challenging material will come to us towards midsemester, because from these early chapters as I have noticed, most of it is things we learned in upper division bio.

The highlight of my day was actually being officially accepted into this psychology research lab. My first lab meeting was also today and I got a chance to meet my fellow new lab members, the lab manager, and the professor who is in charge of the lab. Since I applied to the lab last minute, I took on a part-time position in the lab and will only have to complete 60 lab hours this semester (as compared to the 180 that the other new members are doing). Hopefully next spring I can devote more hours to the lab, but since my schedule is as packed as it is, I had to settle for this arrangement. So far I like the lab members I have met, they are all very nice and friendly and I am extremely excited to be a part of this! I can’t wait to have actual research experience and to learn more about the field.

Tomorrow I have genetics, ochem 2 lab, and bacterial pathogenesis. I hope the rest of this week goes well and I am excited yet scared to see how this semester goes. 

[nauthauter]

An Alternate Plan

Wasn’t feeling the prompts of the challenge, as always, I never actually go through with these. Instead, I’m going to make this a school journal. The semester starts on 8/29 (a day from now) and I’m going to be writing about the classes I have, the people I meet, and overall the shit I go through. I won’t be writing everyday, that’s too much of a commitment for me. 

So I ended up not completing the 20 day challenge. 

[nauthauter]

Day 17: Plans

8/23/2016 (doing this 8/24 cause i didn’t get to yesterday)

After this 20 day challenge, I plan to complete another!

Plans for the rest of the day include cleaning my makeup brushes, then watching some more Arrested Development and Bojack Horseman. 

Tomorrow, me and my (girl) friends are having a girls night out! The rest of this week, I have no other plans except maybe prepare for school.

Fall semester begins on Monday (the 29th).

[nauthauter]

Day 16: Moments

8/22/2016

I’m going to talk about two of the most memorable moments of my life.

First, the day I left the Philippines to move here. April 24, 2011. 

I was sad the entire plane ride, mainly because I missed my dog, but as soon I got here, I told myself this was the best day of my life. Fuck yeah, I’m out of that hellhole. Fuck yeah, I don’t have to go to Catholic school and deal with fake elitist bitches anymore. Fuck yeah, I get to start a new life. I was a few days short of turning 15, and then I knew I was about to have a 6 month summer because it was already too late for me to enroll in school, I had to wait for August to enroll. I was like oh hell yeah, no school. I have all the time in the world to relax and just take in the new environment I’m in. Honestly, what was so memorable about this day is not what actually happened (because I don’t remember what happened exactly) but what my feelings and thoughts were. 

The 6 month long summer turned out to be really boring halfway through because I hadn’t made any friends yet, my brother was not here yet, and I felt like I was becoming less smart from not having school for so long. 

Second, I know this cliche, but my high school graduation. June 12, 2015.

One of the happiest days of my life, still to this day. I basically spent my entire (or at least the last 3/4 of) senior year of high school being the poster child of senioritis- I had so many unexcused absences, I didn’t give one shit about homework or tests or that capstone project we all had to do, when people would ask me for math help I would be a lazy asshole to them, I bs’ed all my presentations, blah blah blah. I also spent a great deal of it wishing I was in college already because I was “so tired” of high school bullshit. The few weeks leading up to graduation though, prom/senior awards night/senior week/grad night/senior sunset made me realize I was actually going to really miss high school and the people I went to high school with. Graduation was bittersweet. I was a little sad that it was all over, I was excited for college, I was proud of myself for achieving so much (despite the senioritis i got a full fuckin ride to the university i am going to right now), and I was proud of everyone else who graduated with me as well. I remember rushing that day to get there on time. I remember trying to take pictures with as many people as possible. The ceremony itself was short, but great regardless. This day was the last day I ever saw some of the people I considered to be my friends in high school, which is sad. I sure as hell am excited for our future class reunion though.

Right now, overall I feel great that I am in college now and that I am done with high school. College is indeed a billion times better, and I am having the time of my life now. 

[nauthauter]

Day 15: Letter

08/21/2016 (1am of 8/22/2016)

Dear (Past) Trixie,

Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Things do get better. I mean that, and by “get better” I really mean they do get better exponentially. You will meet more people that you will love, you will be more confident, you will be happier. Give yourself more credit. You are worth more than you think, and honestly I think you are the only one who does not see that. Don’t be an enemy to yourself, because you have to be the person you trust the most. It’s okay to be sad, mad, stressed, and frustrated even if you know you are lucky and that others have it worse. You are allowed to feel those ways; everyone has bad days too. At the end of the day, just remember this, you have people that support you and care about you and YOU WILL meet more people that will love you as well. Don’t keep everything to yourself, these people can listen to you because they care. Also, try not to get caught up in what others think and try focusing more on what you think- you are a good person with her own thoughts and opinions just as worthy as everyone else’s. You are literally the nicest person to everyone else I know, except to me, yourself. Please, please remember this and be nice to yourself.

Love, (Present 2016) Trixie

Dear (Future) Trixie,

Whoever you’ve become, just as long as you’re not rotting in jail and doing much much less than what you are capable of, good job! I’m proud of you. I hope you have found what makes you happy, and who makes you happy. If you haven’t, I hope you are still actively looking for what and who does. I hope that you are healthy and doing well. Please don’t be harder on yourself than I already am right now; be confident in what you are capable of because I know both you and I have a lot of potential. You don’t have to be a doctor, or a PA, I just really hope you are happy and have no regrets. Please be the Trixie that I and past Trixie would be very proud of.

Love, (Present 2016) Trixie

[nauthauter]

Day 14: Another photo page

8/20/2016

Some pictures that describe me (I guess)

source: brandnewattempt.tumblr.com/

I don’t hold grudges for too long. If I love you/loved you at some point, I always will... I mean unless you fuck me up pretty badly lol but anyway, I really really care about those I love and those that love me back.

source: detoxing.tumblr.com/

I get distracted easily, even if I have responsibilities directly lying above my head. The conversation in this picture is one I’ve had too many times (with me as “Me” of course).

source: Gemma Correll, gemmacorrell.tumblr.com/

This illustration really embodies what my anxiety feels like. I always tell people I’m fine even during times when I am extremely depressed and/or angry at myself because I don’t want to bother people, especially the ones that care about me. There have been times where I have passed off tears of sadness as “yawning” or “tears of joy” or “i’m laying down in a weird position so tears are coming out”

source: hannahheartss.co.uk

Makeup is the love of my life. I am a huge makeup junkie- I love watching makeup videos, I buy way too much makeup, and I almost always put some on when I leave the house because I just enjoy it so much! I especially like collecting lip products and highlighters/bronzers. I can spend a whole day talking about makeup to someone who is just as enthusiastic as I am, haha!

Science is the other love of my life! I am a biology major and I absolutely love it. Now that I am in college and taking a bunch of science classes, I actually really like school now! On my first year of college I liked to make lame jokes about the things I was studying... The joke in the meme above is exactly the type of joke I would crack and laugh at. It’s not even just biology I love- I really like chemistry, physics, and even math (the algebra/trig/calculus side of it) as well!

source: tapatix.tumblr.com/

No, I don’t vape nor do I have a dog that does. That’s not why this picture describes me at least. The sheer simplicity, weirdness, and stupidity of this picture is a representation of my sense of humor. If you know me, you’d know that I laugh at the most shallow and asinine of things. It is very easy to make me laugh. This picture is one type of the many things that amuse me. This is probably why I am still on this site after so many years... humor like this never dies down on here.

[nauthauter]

Day 13: Person

8/19 (doing this 8/20/2016 bc I didn’t yesterday)

Person I always think of... my boyfriend.

I don’t think I can truly express how much I adore him in one post, but I’ll try.

We met in the last place I thought I would ever meet a good guy in, let alone the “place” itself was a place I would never have gone to normally. It all happened just when I stopped obsessing over the reason why I was single.

“We’re so alike, but so different.” People say this about their boyfriend/girlfriend all the time and I was not so sure what that meant until now. I haven’t been known to click immediately with most people, since I can be extremely shy, but there is this good balance between us that makes us click. 

Any day spent with him is instantly a good day. On days I don’t see him, I think about how his day went, or what he’s up to. He is so so smart; he knows a lot of things, and I always feel like I can learn from him. He makes me laugh all the time and gets me crying tears of joy. He is the most adorable when he is excited, the most striking when he works hard, and the most irresistible... all the time. His presence and his company make me so very happy.

Last night I burst out crying in front of him about things I’ve kept bottled up inside me, personal issues that I’ve been sad about for a really long time. He listened to me, comforted me, hugged me, and tried hard to make me feel better- he showed me funny videos, bought me chocolate, and spent the night with me. I don’t like it when people I care about see me so sad and upset, but he made me feel like it was perfectly okay and that he wasn’t judging me for crying like that. When I got home he sent me a sweet text basically saying that he loved me and supported me and that I should never be embarrassed around him. 

I really can’t thank him enough for everything. People always ask me why I’m with him since we are indeed quite different (personality/attitude wise) and that they have never seen me with someone like him, but he (besides me finishing my first year of college) is the best thing that has happened to me all of 2016. I don’t care what people think or say, but I want to be with him for a long time. 

I love you, dope. Dank loves you.

[nauthauter]

Day 12: Listening and Writing

8/18/2016 (4AM 8/19/2016)

Well a couple hours ago, I watched Bruce Almighty starring Jim Carrey with my boyfriend and one of his friends. 

What I really remember hearing is Morgan Freeman’s voice (he plays God) because that sure is a voice to remember. Also, Bruce’s (Jim Carrey) taglines at the end of his newscasts “And that’s the way the cookie crumbles!”

Also, there is this really funny scene where Bruce is using his God powers to mess with Evan’s (Steve Carrell) broadcast. He somehow makes Evan gurgle around, make funny noises, and say stupid shit like “and I do the cha cha like a sissy girl!”

[nauthauter]

Day 11: Travel

8/17/2016 (3AM of 8/18/2016)

Places I want to travel to:

Yosemite National Park, California

Kinkakuji (Golden Temple), Kyoto Japan - Or actually anywhere in Japan really! I’d just love to go there someday.

Okanagan Valley, British Columbia

Hawaii (any part of it really)

Rome, Italy

Dubai, United Arab Emirates

Other honorable mentions:

Seoul, South Korea

Anywhere in Europe- France, the UK, Germany, anywhere!

New York, New York

Singapore

Bali, Indonesia

Portland, Oregon

[nauthauter]

Day 10: Inspiration

8/16/2016

This is probably the most generic answer anyone can give, but my inspirations are my parents.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been that kid who liked being around her parents. As a young child, I was extremely shy and I would always cling onto them. I don’t remember ever going through that “omg i hate my parentzzz!!1 they dont understand!!” phase, not even during my “emo” phase. There would even be some days that I’d rather spend at home with my parents than out with my friends, that I’d make up excuses to not join in plans. Even up to this day, as a 20 year old with a growing social life, I still enjoy my parents’ company and I start to miss them if I don’t see or talk to them for a few days.

But anyway, the reason that they are my inspiration is because they have set perfect examples of the person I really aspire to be when I grow up. They work their asses off to support my brother and I. Hell, they worked their asses off to bring us here to the United States. They make us feel like the luckiest kids in the world. They’ve taught us good values and raised us well without being strict. They’ve provided me with everything I can ever ask for and I know they want the best for me. My goals have their full support, and they accept the things and people I love spending my time on/with. As a 20 year old, a full-on adult, I should have a job and be responsible for my own money, but I don’t and they think it’s okay for me to focus solely on school and they still give me allowance- like how fucking lucky am I to deserve that??

They are part of the reason why I work so hard towards reaching my goal of being a doctor. Even if I don’t end up becoming a doctor, I will work towards obtaining a respectable career. I know they want me to have a good job and live a respectable life in the future, but I mainly also want to pay them back for everything they’ve done for me. 

[nauthauter]

Day 9: Jokes

8/15/2016 (3:30 AM of 8/16/2016)

Chances are, if we’ve talked more than once in a casual setting we already have an inside joke. Therefore I’m gonna mention the ones with the people closest to me.

With my family, we always make fun of our own (Filipino) accents. We always like to say words in English/Tagalog with an exaggerated Filipino/Bisaya accent. This isn’t racist at all and we haven’t nothing against Filipinos or specifically those from Visayas (we’re Filipino ourselves and we’ve lived there majority of our lives), but it’s just a fun thing we do. We also love joking about farts and poop like little 9 year old kids! I really like how my family is so open about things- like we all can laugh at sexual stuff together, watch movies with vulgar/sexual themes, and curse around each other.

With my close friends here (me and my 3 friends from high school) we have a lot of jokes but the one I can think of right now are our nicknames for people. I mean, as girls, we do gossip a shit ton. I won’t go into specifics but for example, when we got a gym membership to a local gym last year, we made nicknames for a lot of the male workers over there because some of them were cute, some were creepy, and we liked to talk about them as we were working out (lol). Also we like to tease each other- maybe some of us get teased more than the rest lol but it’s all in fun.

With my college (specifically biology major) friends we, of course, like to make our own lame jokes about the things we learn in lecture. Like, that one time we were learning about the Electron Transport Chain I said “i will end your electron transport chain if you don’t stop ur shit right now” and we all laugh at lame science/math pick up lines like the nerds we are. We also have this running gag about one of our biology professors, who I’ll describe as quite sassy and sarcastic to the point that he’s a bit intimidating (haha).

With my friends back home, obviously our jokes stem from the shit we used to complain about in middle/elementary school. The teachers, our other classmates, and our weird anxiety. With my best friend, they’re more on things like the video games we both like and our old childhood games.

With my boyfriend, again, there are so much. He likes making me laugh until I cry, and he knows that I laugh at the dumbest things ever. For example, Darude-Sandstorm and several catchy commercial jingles. He sings them around me often, sometimes with a funny voice. I also laugh when his nostrils flare, so he does that to mess with me sometimes. Another one would be when I try to annoy him, basically by belting out all the lyrics to All Star by Smash Mouth or the Rickroll theme. Sometimes we also have one-word/positive adjective in a sarcastic tone battles which end in someone saying they can’t think of a word. But yeah, with him there are just so much insiders and jokes we have together that I can probably spend a whole day writing all of them down.

[nauthauter]

Day 8: Favorites

8/14/2016

My favorite shows (no particular order except the first one is def my favorite):

The Office (favorite of ALL TIME)

Parks and Recreation

Bob’s Burgers

Breaking Bad

Lost

Gilmore Girls

Bojack Horseman (I’m still watching this but I really like it)

Criminal Minds

The Vampire Diaries (well up until season 4 anyway, it went to shit after that)

Scrubs (Haven’t finished but I love it already)

Freaks and Geeks

Full House

American Horror Story (still have yet to see season 4 or 5)

Malcolm in the Middle 

Modern Family (i haven’t seen all of it and i’m thinking of making a hulu account just for this show lol)

Favorite movies: Now, I’m that person who can see millions of movies and completely forget about them once I have seen them. Not that I actually have seen millions of movies, but yes a lot of them completely go over my head if they don’t make a HUGE impression on me, so in no particular order (and this probably isn’t all of them)

Inception

Legally Blonde (my favorite chick flick ever)

The first Avengers movie

Iron Man 1

Forrest Gump

Big Fish

Spirited Away

21 Jump Street

22 Jump Street

Knocked Up (there’s something about this movie I love so much lol)

Limitless

Up

Toy Story 3

All Shrek movies tbh

Deadpool

The Shawshank Redemption (I actually just saw this a few months ago but I know it’s gonna stay with me for a long time)

All of the Hangover movies

Click (Adam Sandler is annoying but i cried like a bitch in this movie)

Favorite songs (no particular order)

The Middle- Jimmy Eat World

One of These Nights- Eagles

Everlong- Foo Fighters

It’s My Life- Bon Jovi

Mardy Bum- Arctic Monkeys

Open Arms- Jouney

All Night Long & You Are- Lionel Richie

If You Ever Come Back- The Script

Sweet Disposition- The Temper Trap

The Ground Walks, with Time in a Box- Modest Mouse

Against All Odds & You’ll be in My Heart- Phil Collins

Are You Gonna Be My Girl- Jet

Island in the Sun- Weezer

Karma Police- Radiohead

Iris- Goo Goo Dolls

Kryptonite- 3 Doors Down

Lithium- Nirvana

Misery- Maroon 5

Not Today- Twenty One Pilots

PYT (Pretty Young Thing)- Michael Jackson

Deep Inside of You- Third Eye Blind

When Did Your Heart Go Missing- Rooney

With or Without You- U2

1979- Smashing Pumpkins

Come and Get Your Love- Redbone

More Than Words- Extreme

Basket Case & When I Come Around- Green Day

Favorite food (no particular order)

Dimsum (literally any kind of dimsum)

Tofu (usually when it’s served with soy sauce and bok choy YUM)

Sushi (rolls, sashimi, nigiri, you name it)

Ramen (usually Tonkotsu/Shoyu)

Pho

Yang Chow/Fuk Jin (seafood)/Hibachi fried Rice

Fried or grilled chicken

Pepperoni Pizza

Korean BBQ (not the fatty parts though)

Texas Toast (garlic bread)

French Fries/Tater tots/Potatoes really

Lasagna

Any linguine pasta dish

Mozzarella sticks

Cookie dough ice cream

Nutella/banana crepes

Flan

[nauthauter]

Day 7: Feeling

8/13/2016 (1AM 8/14/2016)

As of right now, I am a little tired but happy nonetheless.

Today was pretty good- I mean it’s not one of those “omg i will remember this forever” days, but still it was fun and definitely better than average.

I woke up pretty late today, and then my boyfriend came over at around 5pm. We did some fun stuff (winkwink), watched a couple of youtube videos, then we ate dinner at the Nevada Chicken Cafe! It was a pretty good dinner and then we went to watch that movie Sausage Party with two of my friends. The movie was, as expected, quite funny but it was also just so weird that you’d think the creators were stoned as they made this movie. In fact, this would be a great movie to see while stoned. I’m a Seth Rogen fan though, and he still did a good job with this movie. 

I got home about an hour ago and it is pretty late so yes, I am tired. But I had a good day and plus- I saw my boyfriend so I’m happy!

[nauthauter]

Day 6: New years resolution

8/12/2016 (2AM of 8/13/2016)

Taken directly from my main tumblr, I listed my resolutions for 2016 as

“- Better study and time management skills for my next semesters (i need that 3.8 or higher)

- Better gym habits (This always starts out good but usually dwindles by fall/winter time)

- Save more, because college will get costlier

- Make even more friends in college, especially having to do with future professional networking and such

- Learn how to cook (hopefully)

- Go to another concert of someone I really like, or LIB again possibly?

- Be happier, less living in my head, more living out my life”

So how am I doing with these resolutions? Have I fulfilled them already?

1. No, my study habits and time management skills have definitely not improved. My spring semester was a disaster and my GPA went down instead of up. This is something I am for sure working towards for the upcoming fall semester though

2. My workout routines are a lot better than they were, and although I don’t go to the gym as often anymore I am mostly happy with how I look right now

3. HAHAHA NO my poor bank accounts and my poor credit cards

4. Yes, I actually did make a lot of friends in college this year! 

5. Nope, still don;t know how to cook but now that I see this, I should really try to get into this!

6. Nope, and since I’m trying to save probably not gonna happen tbh

7. Actually yes! Nowadays I am more happy and content with my life because of many reasons. I don’t overthink as much as I did back then, which is good. Hopefully it’s just up from here!

[nauthauter]

Day 5: Firsts

8/11/2016 (1AM of 8/12/2016)

Let me tell you about my first (actual) date and kiss.

Now, before that, yes I’ve been to high school dances with a “date” but I don’t count those as dates because I always went with a group and I never saw any of these guys as more than just friends. 

This may seem a bit embarrassing but my first real date happened with my current boyfriend. This was four months ago, weeks before my 20th birthday.

My boyfriend and I, at the time, had hung out a few times before this date but I didn’t really consider those as dates- mainly because that was when we had just met, I wasn’t really sure what his intentions were, and I was also going back and forth between  “i think i like him” and “nah i don’t need boys right now”. Because I am so inexperienced with this stuff, I was like “what even is a date? what do people do? do u have to do certain things for it to be considered a date?” Pretty funny, but yes, I was that inexperienced.

So on to our first date, or at least what I consider our first date. We went to see Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (not a very good superhero movie, had potential but it was poorly executed). And then he took me to Yard House for dinner. I don’t remember what we ate but I think we shared a pizza. I also don’t remember what we talked about in there but there was a lot of laughing. He paid for dinner. Then, when we walked out of the restaurant he asked me if I wanted to walk around for a while. I said yeah, and then he made a move to hold my hand. This was when I thought, “ah, this is a date and he likes me.” (hahahaha) We probably circled the whole mall walking, talking while holding hands. After we realized we were basically back where we just were, I told him I parked my car in a parking lot that was far so he offered to drive me there. I thought he was just gonna drop me off at the parking lot but he parked his car and then walked me to my car. 

As he was walking me to my car, I already had this feeling he wanted to kiss me. His body was facing me, he wouldn’t take his eyes off me, and he was trying to make eye contact with me. I think I was freaking out internally like “omg i don’t know how to kiss what the fuck do i do omg” so I wasn’t making any eye contact at all (lol). When I got to my car, we said our goodbyes, I gave him a hug and as soon as we broke off from that hug, he just swooped in and gave me a kiss. It happened so fast (it was like one second) and I think I just stood there like a dumbfounded shy anime schoolgirl for a while. He may have felt a bit awkward too cause he gawked another quick “bye” and just sped walk back to his car without looking back.

I was smiling the entire drive home and then that was when I realized that yes, he liked me and I sure as hell liked him back. When I got home he sent me a text that said something like “sorry i was awkward today i’m just not very good with this stuff” and I replied something along the lines of “it’s okay i’m worse i have no experience at all and that was actually my first kiss, i enjoyed today we should do it again.” Then he said he was really happy I felt the same way, and bam- that was the beginning of our relationship. We set our anniversary on this day- the day of my first date and kiss- April 1st, 2016.