The Journal of Nathan Céitinn

My earliest known ancestor was a Norman Knight who led the invasion of Ireland which began in 1169. The Knights name was John Fitzwilliam, but the Irish began referring to him as "keith -teine" which means "a shower of fire". He was called this because he ordered his army to fire flaming arrows at the thatched roofs of the homes of the Irish folk during their attacks. John eventually adopted the last name  Céitinn, a reference to keith-teine as his last name to differentiate himself from his brothers. I don't know many stories of what has happened within my ancestry in the eight hundred plus years since John Céitinn conquered Ireland except that I was born in the United States in 1981. I haven't led any armies or fired flaming arrows at people's homes, but I did accidentally set a garbage can on fire once. I will never be as interesting as some of my ancestors, but I do have a few somewhat entertaining stories. I also play bass guitar and have a YouTube channel where I post videos of myself playing cover songs. I'll post links to them here on occasion. Thanks for visiting!

[nceitinn]

When I was around seventeen years old, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. The road to getting diagnosed was difficult. Puberty affects everyone differently, and it just happened to hit me like a ton of bricks. I was an emotional time bomb. I could go from calm to rage in no time. I'm embarrassed to admit that sometimes I would even behave violently. It was these instances of violence combined with the guilt and feelings of being a burden on the people around me that eventually led me to seek help. I hated myself, but I also knew that the things that I hated the most about myself could be changed. Through therapy I learned how to communicate my emotions in healthy and positive ways and I also learned better coping mechanisms.

Over the next decade I slowly developed habits that helped me live a happier life while removing the habits that were not so helpful. I quit drinking at age 24, drastically reduced my intake of caffeinated beverages and started eating more balanced meals. I also re-discovered my love of running and began participating in 5k and half marathon races regularly. Eventually I even went back to school to become a personal trainer.

Despite my healthier lifestyle, the depression is still always there, lurking behind the wall of healthier living and positive energy I've built. It's like a wolf, waiting for the brick wall to turn to straw so it can blow in and wreak havok. Like everyone else, I sometimes have trouble keeping up the healthy habits. I get too busy to make a healthy lunch, so I find myself at McDonald's during lunch breaks. I have a hard time finding time to commit to exercising for an hour every day, so I stop entirely. That's when the depression finds the cracks in the wall and comes barreling through. I have mood swings and once again start feeling like I am just a burden on everyone around me and like I am giving nothing in return. Deep down I know that these feelings are more in my head than anything else. Convincing myself that I'm just being ridiculous is difficult to do when I'm in this state.

I'm writing all of this to remind myself and anybody else reading that bad days, bad weeks, bad months, and even bad years will happen. We can regain control though. How this is done is different for everyone and the process may be slow or quick depending on the individual. Just remember that a bad day, week, month or year doesn't mean that you have a bad life. The people around you don't think of you the way you think of yourself because we are our own worst critics. We need to take care of ourselves, because whether you know it or not, you are the world to someone.

[nceitinn]

I've been thinking a lot lately about labels. The labels we put on ourselves and others to identify where we fit socially. In high school, we seek out friends that have similar interests and form cliques. The stereotype is that the smart, academic over achievers hang out with other "nerds", those who excel at sports stick with the "jocks", and the kids that are really into wearing dark clothing and listening to angry, loud music are "metal heads", or maybe even "goth". All of these labels started as derogatory insults, but over time, people have embraced them. Some to the point of feeling the need to go out of their way to fit the stereotype. If you want to be accepted by the jocks, you can't be smart and get above average grades. If you want the nerds to be your friends you can't possibly show any interest in physical activity. I find all of this ridiculous. Especially when I notice that many people carry this mentality well into adulthood despite the fact that cliques don't really exist (or shouldn't) beyond high school.

As an adult I have many (probably too many) interests and they range from reading to weight lifting and many things in between. I play guitar, collect action figures and enjoy videogames. I find ways for all of my hobbies and interests to co-exist with each other and balance my time with them in a healthy way. I try my best to never label myself as a "geek" or "jock" because I don't want to be put into a box. I am a person and I enjoy a variety of different things. It's important for people to engage in activities that challenge both their body and their mind, and also have hobbies that can be healthy coping mechanisms. Do what you like, not what others expect.

[nceitinn]

I have spent the last few days putting together a playlist that includes full albums from 1987-1989. My reason for doing this because I recall really starting to get into music during these couple of years. There is just something about the energy and atmosphere of the music that was being produced then that reminds me of my childhood. The playlist includes songs/albums that I have very vivid memories of hearing back then as well as albums that I am sure I didn't, but wish that I had. Unfortunately I wouldn't discover many of them until years later.

At first, I thought about making separate playlists by genre, but after further consideration, I thought that it might be more fun to mix it all together and create a list that was more chaotic and full of surprises when listened to on shuffle. Madonna followed by Slayer!? Why not? Besides, when you're between the ages of six and nine years old, which I was between '87 and '89, music is music and you like whatever sounds good to you. Also, as a musician myself I'm hoping that the colorful mix will inspire me creatively.

I have included the link to the playlist here. I will likely add a lot more to it over the next few weeks. Enjoy!

[nceitinn]

Delain, a band that I've grown quite fond of over the past few years announced today that they were parting ways. The members are all moving on to their own projects while Martijn Westerholdt, the founding member and keyboard player will continue to record and perform using the name Delain as a side project as originally intended. I had the pleasure of seeing Delain open for Kamelot back in 2018. Here are some photos I took at the show.

[nceitinn]

I've been reading a lot about the current state of the music industry lately and how the switch from purchasing physical albums to streaming and downloading digital files has affected not only sales, but the creative approach to producing music.

When the average person is looking for new music on streaming sites, they tend to listen to about ten to thirty seconds of a song before they decide to stop listening and pick a new song if something within the first few seconds doesn't grab their attention. In order for any payment to the artist and record company to occur, the song has to be listened to for more than thirty seconds or it doesn't officially register as a stream. Therefore, artists and record companies are essentially doing battle with the average listeners attention span and have to avoid succumbing to what the industry now calls the "skip rate".

In the "old days", the only ways to listen to music for free before purchasing an album were to listen to the radio or borrow a record, tape or CD from a friend. We would also make copies of tapes or CDs for each other on occasion, but if we really liked and album, we would buy it. Copies tended to be lower quality and would break down more quickly. Quick side story: when I was getting into Nirvana but didn't yet have the money to purchase my own copies of their albums, my friend copied his CD's onto a cassette tape for me. Because there was space left on each tape, as a joke he included the Village People's "YMCA" and "Macho Man" at the end of each one. Buying the officially released physical copy also helped to avoid pranks from your friends. Also, If you bought the album, you got the cool packaging complete with the album artwork and the liner notes which included photos of the artist or band and usually lyrics for the songs.

The biggest difference here I think is that when you bought an album with your own money, you were then invested in it. You felt obligated to listen to it all the way through at least once to get you $10-15 out of it. It also encouraged more repeat listenings because (aside from the radio) your physical collection of music is all of the access to music you really had. You listened to what you owned and compared to now, where you pay a monthly fee of maybe $10 and have access to ALL of the music, your choices were far more limited. If you wanted more choices, you had to buy more albums.

People would argue that having to purchase music in physical form is an outdated and overall bad idea. In part, they may be right. Streaming and downloading music takes up no physical space in your home and there is no packaging that creates unnecessary waste. On the other hand, people seem to have an entirely different relationship with music as a result of unlimited access to everything. Because we can have it all right now at the push of a button, we invest less time into a single album or song. Gone are the days when you bought an album every week or two and that album was pretty much all you listened to until you bought your next one. You ate, breathed and slept that album if you were able to make an emotional connection to it. You studied that album. You dissected the lyrics and tried to apply their wisdom to your own life.

Perhaps people still do these things on some level and I'm just an old curmudgeon having a mid life crisis, but I strongly believe that when it comes to music, we should find ways to spend some real quality time with it and let it grow on us instead of assuming that a song is bad if it doesn't grab our attention immediately. How many people do you think would have missed out on the glory of "Black Sabbath" or "Hells Bells" because the first five to ten seconds is just thunderstorm noises and bells? "Boring! Skip!" No! Those bells are signaling life changing epicness! You just have to wait for it.

[nceitinn]

Today is the last day of 2020, and like all of you, this is the day that I have been looking forward to since March. My sympathies to all who lost a friend or family member this year, whether it was due to covid-19 or any cause or illness. To those who suffered and survived, I hope that 2021 brings you good health and far more joy than the last twelve months have.

My experiences in 2020 were a mixed bag. I was certainly affected by our political climate, protests over social injustice, loss of friends and family and the daily struggles that quarantining and social distancing brought on. I was however fortunate enough to remain gainfully employed and even received a new permanent position at my job, which I love.

Quarantining, while not the most ideal of situations did have it's positives. I had more time to devote to my hobbies and even purchased a new guitar and began re-teaching myself how to play. I discovered that learning the guitar is far easier when you don't put pressure on yourself to be amazing right away. I just wanted to play some Black Sabbath songs for fun and have no delusions that I will ever be a good guitar player. With that being said, I can play some Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden riffs well enough that people can recognize what I'm playing. That, is a pretty good start I'd say.

The world lost a lot of influential people in 2020. Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Neil Peart, Pete Way, Little Richard, Ennio Morricone, Chadwick Boseman, Sean Connery, Max Von Sydow and the great Eddie Van Halen. They may have left us but the doors that they opened will remain so for future leaders and entertainers.

Now that we are a mere ten hours away from bidding good riddance to 2020, I'd like to wish everyone a safe and happy 2021. There will be challenges in the coming year to be sure but hopefully we can heal and return to an existence that more closely resembles life as it was before the pandemic. We should also learn from our past mistakes. Let us not forget the lives lost due to carelessness and racial injustice and strive to be better to each other and to our environment.

Happy New year!

[nceitinn]

Halloween draws near. Here is some Misfits. 💀🦇🦇💀

[nceitinn]

Here is another bass cover from a few months ago. I attempt to sing a little bit as well. Sorry it's terrible. Ha!

[nceitinn]

A cover I did of "Children of the Grave" by Black Sabbath in honor of bassist Geezer Butler's birthday a few months ago.

[nceitinn]

Clifford Lee Burton Feb. 10, 1962 -Sept. 27, 1986

On this day, we lost a legend.

I remember being about fourteen years old and hearing Metallica's "Ride the Lightning" for the first time. Words can still not describe what I thought and felt. I had never heard anything like it before. I didn't know that you could make guitars sound like that! The music sounded fresh and otherworldly, and this was about eleven years after this album had been released. I very quickly got my hands on Metallica's other releases. At this time I didn't know about the death of Cliff Burton. I just noticed that there was another man standing where Cliff should have been in the photos that were included in the liner notes of the ...And Justice for All and self titled albums. This was before the internet was what it is today, so I had to learn about the world of rock music through magazines and friends. When I discovered what had happened to Cliff nearly ten years after, I wept.

Fast forward a couple of years, I was offered a position in a friend's band as the bassist. I had only played guitar (badly) at this point but leapt at the opportunity as it would be my chance to play with a real band. I taught myself how to play by watching my incredibly worn VHS copy of Cliff 'em All and listening to the first three Metallica albums. I never got as good as Cliff, not even close, but I did become a more open minded bassist. I embraced using effects pedals and playing high on the fret board because I just thought that that was how it was done. As the years went by and I studied other bass guitarists I would discover just how special Cliff was. I am saddened whenever I think about what music would be like had he lived, but I am happy that he did live long enough to contribute to three of the best albums ever recorded and show the world what the bass guitar can really do. R.I.P. Cliff.

[nceitinn]

Thirty four years ago today we lost a legend. R.I.P. Cliff Burton.

Here is my attempt at "The Thing That Should Not Be"

[nceitinn]

Here is a video that I shot of myself playing "The Clairvoyant" by Iron Maiden. Sorry about all of the distracting flashing lights. I was trying to make this video somewhat entertaining and probably failed miserably. Ha!

[nceitinn]

This year marks my 20th anniversary of being a bass guitarist. I started out playing guitar a few years prior and switched to bass when a friend asked me to join his band. In the fall of 2000 which would have been my junior year of high school, a classmate noticed that I was wearing a Metallica T-shirt and asked if I played an instrument. I told him that I played guitar but wasn't very good. He told me that his band was looking for a bass player and wanted to know if I'd give it a try. For the next couple of weeks I went to his house after school and he taught me how to play his band's songs on his brother's bass guitar. I wasn't very good but I could play what he showed me which was apparently good enough. When I finally played with the full band they were all impressed enough to make me a member officially.

My first gig with the band was an opening slot for a band that our guitar player's step brother played in. The gig was at a bar in Iowa which was a couple of hours from where we lived in Minnesota. We were all between the ages of 16 and 18 at the time and the members of the other band were old enough to drink and somehow pulled some strings to get us the gig despite the fact that we were all under aged.

Our performance went over pretty well. If nothing else the audience probably thought we were amusing, being a bunch of kids who barely knew how to play our instruments. I recall having to pretend to play a few songs because they were too difficult for me at the time as a beginning bassist. Nobody seemed to notice, but most people in attendance were drunk before they even walked into the bar. By the time the main act went on the crowd was pretty rowdy. At one point a fight broke out which resulted in a guy getting a beer bottle smashed in his face. My band mates and I all hopped up onto a pool table to avoid getting hit with any blood or beer bottle shrapnel. We were terrified but oddly excited at the same time. To this day we're not sure what the fight was about. It was probably because some dude looked at another dude's girlfriend wrong. Who knows?

Life got crazier from there. Our band became quite popular in the local teen music scene and it reached the point where we couldn't set foot in the mall without being noticed. We'd get invited to parties thrown by complete strangers and on one occasion I got a free meal at Wendy's because the kid in the drive through recognized me from the band. I pretty much lived the rock star lifestyle in high school. Some day I may be brave enough to share the dirty details here, but for now I'll leave that up to your imagination. By the time I was of legal drinking age I was tired of drinking and smoking and eventually quit at age 23. I've been sober ever since.

Twenty years and many bands, gigs and a few near death experiences later I'm still playing bass guitar.

The above picture was taken during a gig sometime around 2005. Yeah, I was good looking once. I'm sure what happened...

[nceitinn]

Introductions

Greetings, and welcome to my Tumblr blog. My name is Nathan and I live in the mid-western region of the United States. I was born in the early nineteen eighties (exactly three months to the day after MTV first started broadcasting), and grew up in a typical suburban setting with a pretty typical suburban family.

As a child I loved He-Man, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, playing Nintendo, and watching the aforementioned MTV... until they stopped showing music videos. I was the "weird, shy kid" who didn't talk much and rarely drew attention to myself, preferring to draw pictures of my favorite cartoon characters or my own made up creatures over engaging with my classmates.

When I reached the double digits however, I for some reason became more interested in trying to be "cool" and became (awkwardly) more social and went from being the shy weird kid to just being the weird kid. I grew my hair long, started playing guitar (I wanted to be Joe Perry from Aerosmith) and tried, unsuccessfully, to impress girls. I guess I was a typical teenage boy in the nineties but I didn't feel all that typical.

I am now a mostly functioning thirty something adult and not a lot has changed. I still draw cartoon characters and creatures, I've switched from guitar to bass guitar, and I spend far too much time watching old music videos on YouTube. I did stop trying to impress girls years ago (I only have to worry about impressing one now) and my hair has mostly fallen out, otherwise I'm pretty much the same awkward kid, just in an adult body.

This blog won't have a specific theme (unless my life counts as a theme). I'll be jumping all over my favorite topics like Mario on goombas.

Thanks for following!