Warning: While this might seem romantic, this is no doubt a heavy topic.
This story is not a part of any dad!NCT series. It’s an adaptation of Modern Love’s podcast ‘you may want to marry my husband’. Sentences I quoted from the original essay is written in italic.
I’ve been meaning to write this since a century ago, but well… as Ten “The Procrastination King”, I kept saying “I’ll do it tomorrow” as if I know these lungs are still gonna work tomorrow. So yeah, long story short, I procrastinated and suddenly they had to put me under sedation.
You can read my body like a book of failure caused by procrastination, ignorance, and arrogance. I ignored my body when it cried for help, thinking ‘I’m still young, this is just fatigue.’ I canceled my doctor appointment to attend some invitation, even when I knew I just coughed blood three days before. I fooled myself, thinking that I’d recover soon.
But no, they said it’s too late to hope for a recovery. So many plans then instantly went poof. No seeing my children’s graduation, no second honeymoon trip with my wife, no more new album, no more new dances, basically, no more Ten. No wonder the word 'cancer’ and 'cancel’ looks similar.
Sigh. At least now I’ve learned that my body can only promise me the present, not the future. I’ve learned that my time is too short for procrastinating, considering the amount of things I haven’t done and said in this life. Yes. I’m facing a deadline, in this case, a pressing one. I need to say this (and say it right) while I have a) your attention, and b) a pulse.
So… I have a wife. Not an ordinary one, but a captivating one. She’s married to Ten for ten years (got it? Haha), and I was actually planning to marry her for 10 more years, then another 10 years, then another 10 years. (Please notice how I use 'was’ in my sentence)
I have never been on Tinder, Bumble or eHarmony, but I’m going to create a general profile for her right here, based on my experience of coexisting in the same house with her for, like, 3650 days.
Her name is _____ Leechaiyapornkul. Born 34 years ago under the name of _____ _____. She often makes me jealous with the amount of things she can handle at once: maintaining her career, giving unlimited attention to her family, making sure her children are on the right track, and many other things.
She’s her truest-self when the world around her is quiet. She enjoys slow dancing in the bedroom after a long day. Whenever she’s tired, I’d play her Frank Sinatra. She’d lay her head on my shoulder, humming me a story about the things she wants to conquer in this life.
She’s a good mother. If a day consists of 24 hours, it seems like she has extra 12 hours a day to take care of her children. She never let her anger speaks, she only says 'I love you’, 'I trust you’, 'I believe in you’, and 'I like it when you…’, she’s the reason why our children grow up into someone with so much confidence and love. No, not only our children, I too grow up into someone with more confidence and love.
If you’re looking for someone to discuss light to heavy materials, she’s the right person. She’ll open her ears and mind for your insights, and she’ll open your eyes with a whole new world she has in her mind. But if you’re looking for a travel companion, she’s not the one you’re looking for. She’d fall asleep during a road trip because she feels dizzy easily. You can’t take her on a cruise trip, because she’s prone to seasick too. But if you’re gonna travel in your dream, she’s a perfect partner for you.
My guess is you know enough about her now. So let’s swipe right.
It might sound like we’re living a fairy tale where she’s the powerful princess. Well, it’s not entirely wrong, besides the fact that I can never give her a happily ever after. Sure, I want more time with her. I want more time with my children. I want more time sipping martinis at the Green Mill Jazz Club on Thursday nights. But that is not going to happen. I probably have only a few days left being a person on this planet.
By writing this, I’m giving my wife and my children the liberty to live a full life and eventually find meaning again. I’m giving permission and encouraging them to forget a piece of me that they need to move on with their lives. It’s okay if my traces in their memory are replaced by new traces. They’re free to do whatever they need to create a new future.
All I can hope for is that the right person reads this, finds her, and another love story begins.
Help her conquering her dream. Listen to her stories while you both are slow dancing. Talk her language, tell her 'I love you’, 'I trust you’, 'I believe in you’, and 'I like it when you…’. Don’t remind her of me. But please, for the first and the last time, whisper this to her ears for me: Fly as high as you want. I’ll watch you from above.
This is the end of my letter. I’ll leave this intentional empty space below as a way of giving you two the fresh start you deserve.
(Please check out the trailer for a little backstory)
Your boyfriend was the biggest fan of Mark Lee’s side project, Late Night Plans. As your third anniversary’s surprise, you got yourself two tickets to LNP’s first concert; hoping that you’d get to experience being kissed in the middle of the crowd, with Mark Lee’s voice as the theme song.
And a plan is just a plan. You’re not the only one in his heart. Not the first, and surely not his last. But thank God, Mark Lee invited you to come up to the stage and share your pain with other audiences.
All lights from the venue were turned down completely, leaving a soft, white spotlight pointing right Mark Lee’s direction. From where you were standing, his dream-like silhouette was the only thing you could see while he's singing. His voice… God, his voice was a warm and intimate tune to your ears. It played with your emotions as you were standing between all cables and music gears behind the curtain.
“Get ready,” a crew told you when Mark’s song was approaching the end. “Smile! Don’t be scared!” said her as she watched you squeezing the hem of your skirt so tightly until your knuckles went white.
You let out a nervous laugh when she gently patted your back, “You know… being in the spotlight isn’t really my thing,” you said. Well, you actually loved being the center of attention. As a Brand Manager of a publishing company, you’re a pro in representing your company and grabbing the audience’s attention.
But tonight, it was yourself that you’re representing-- not the professional you, but the human side of you. As much as you hate to be vulnerable in other people’s eyes, let alone in strangers’ eyes, you still wanted to experience this once in a lifetime opportunity. You still want to find a better, less tragic, end to your love story.
“I love ‘Late Night Plans’ a little too much,” On the stage, Mark began his monologue. “In my spare time, I often type ‘Late Night Plans’ on the twitter search bar to see how famous we are,” he paused, and you could hear some audiences were giggling. “One day, as some of you might already know, I came across this painful, yet beautiful story about being left by someone you had trusted for years; in her case, three years…” and you stopped listening. Your heartbeat was too loud, you could hear it thumping in your ears.
The next thing you knew, you were already sitting beside Mark. You turned your head at him and found him looking at you as if he’s waiting for your answer. God, did he ask something?
“You want me to introduce you…?” said Mark hesitantly. His seagull-like eyebrows arched when he was observing you.
“Oh, yes! I mean, No! I can do it,” you cringed at your foolish answer. “Hi everyone, I’m ____,” you looked at Mark, asking him what else should I say? with your eyes. He nodded his head as if saying go on.
So you went on.
“This has been my fifth time watching Late Night Project live, but tonight is my first night watching this… alone. I actually have two tickets, by the way. Guess I’d have to save the other ticket for Mark’s next concert,” you laughed internally since no other person was polite enough to laugh at your dry joke.
“I don’t think it’s still valid, though!” A smile bloomed on Mark’s face while he’s trying to console you jokingly. “Mind to tell us why you… came alone?” Mark finally asked the sensitive question carefully. Beads of sweat started forming on his philtrum. This time, it’s him who’s nervous.
"I'm alone because he… didn't choose me. Turned out, our three years together meant nothing compared to the memories he had with his first love; his first real love." You unfolded the story bits by bits. First, you tell them about the day he asked for a breakup. That wasn't even a discussion, it was already a decision— a hard pill you should swallow on the day when you're, supposedly, celebrating your parent's 30th anniversary with joy, not tears.
As if the breakup wasn't painful enough, you soon learned that your opponent was his first love; the one that his mother bragged a lot to you, and also the one who could always make you feel defeated even though you'd never met her. "That day, I also learned that for four years, I'm just building a castle on a sandhill. He was never mine from the beginning. They broke up just to find new ‘experiences’ with other people. When the experiences are enough… they're gonna be in love again."
The audiences gasped. Mark was also speechless. You didn't tell him that much when you met him backstage. He already knew that your ex-boyfriend left you for his first love. But Mark didn't know that your relationship was just a game to them.
"Tonight, while I'm celebrating my broken heart in front of you guys, they're celebrating their wedding on the other side of this city," you tittered. Your laugh was awkward, but it wasn't a fake laugh. You're way past the griefing phase and just accepted what the world had given on your plate. There's no more room for sadness, as numbness was already filled your heart entirely.
Mark didn't say a word even after you stopped talking. Instead, he played a familiar melody with his guitar. It was Lullaby, one of Late Night Plan's songs that could speak directly to your heart in any kind of situation.
"This song is for ____, and for all of us who's too tired to hold onto the precious connection we have with the past," Mark concluded tonight's concert.
But even if it hurts so much, be brave to forgive yourself
Let go of things, they're never yours to have.
Close your eyes, it's alright. It's alright.
The atmosphere and the endless singalongs somehow made the lyrics hit you harder. Not the 'letting go' part this time, but about forgiving yourself. You need to stop blaming yourself for not trying enough. You must stop beating yourself up for depending your happiness on other people's happiness.
But what hit you harder was the sudden enlightenment that you're not alone. Before you, hundreds of strangers were cheering for you. Not for Mark, but for you. "Be strong!" could be heard clearly from hundreds of the audience, and the tension inside you slipping away along with the tears you had been holding, unconsciously, for so long.
And the energy of tonight's crowd didn't only reach you. Mark himself was stunned. For weeks he'd been thinking about taking a long rest from music as it's sickening him; he didn't feel thrilled to be on stage anymore, he's sick of singing his songs, he's tired of meeting fans who's only care about hearing more of him but didn't give a damn about the pressure he's under whenever he's writing a new song.
Watching the crowd gave Mark a new purpose with his music. He realized that his music was higher than him; it didn't matter if the music no longer meaningful to him as long as it meant something for his audience. It’s funny how an almost-dehumanizing moment of one's life could bring you a moment like this, he thought.
The cheers became louder as the light faded out. When they finally brought down the curtain, your first instinct was to bend your knees and squat. You placed your palms on your chest, as you didn't believe how, overwhelmingly, alive you were at that moment.
"Hey, you okay?" Ten-inch apart, Mark kneeled beside you. He stared straight to your eyes, with a dead-serious expression on his face. "You sure? No need to call the ambulance, right?" He asked again when you only replied to him with a nod.
"No, really. I'm just overwhelmed. This experience was—" you slowed down to find the exact word you were looking for, but you gave up in the end, "Thank you for the opportunity, Mark," was what you said instead.
"Oh, no, no. Thank you for coming," he gently squeezed your shoulder. "Thank you for giving a new meaning to my music." Thank you for the energy you brought with your story," he said. You raised one of your eyebrows, not knowing how to respond to his obvious fan service. But then he smiled at you, widely, as if to say "It's true!"
Your smile also started swelling, but you told yourself Don’t get too happy. This will be forgotten as soon as he stepped out of this venue.
A text from an unknown number popped up when you're about to sleep.
From: +82xxxxxxxx
Hi, _____. This is Mark. Sorry if I'm texting you at this hour, but I can't sleep thinking about this.
So… I'm so, so, so inspired by your story. Not how your relationship with that bad guy ended, because screw that. I don't wanna mention him in my song. But about you; how you managed to stand up tall after that dark phase of your life.
If you're interested, let's talk more about this over a coffee (or tea, or beer, or wine; your choice).
Note: Thank you for your love! This fic is for @flawnoless @overlookfire @renjunstarlight.
Please tell me if you’re interested to be tagged in the future part of this story <3</i>
Title: May I Taste You?
Genre: Romance, Smut (Oral - Female receiving)
Word Count: 3522 words
Previous Parts:
Please read the previous part to give yourself an idea about ____, Harin, and Doyoung’s relationship.
Synopsis:
The most intimate action you’ve ever done with Doyoung during your 8-months old relationship was kissing— well, with tongue involved. Oh, wait. Well, he often touches your breast with his hand (And sometimes mouth) too. But it never goes beyond that.
You’re waiting for Doyoung to return to the bed while watching a variety show on TV. Considering the time he spends in the bathroom, he’s definitely doing his big business in there and you’re going to be lonely for some time.
There are times when you’re glad that you have a queen-sized bed instead of king-sized ones. First, it’s when Harin refused to sleep in your room because, quoting what she said, There’s no freedom for me and my plushies in here. Second, when you have more space in your room to put a refrigerator filled with beers and snacks inside your room. Third, and the most important ones, when Doyoung has no other choice but to sleep closer to you. He hates sleeping on the bed’s edge, he said, he prefers sleeping towards the center of the bed where the mattress is softer and bouncier. “…and it’s easier to hug you when the room gets colder,” he once said.
When he emerges from the bathroom ten minutes later, the first thing he says is, “Love, you really have to switch your soap to the natural ones,” a bottle of your convenience-store-bought soap in his hand, “Jaehyun told me that our dry skin needs to avoid soaps that contain sulfates," He walks closer to you to show you the list of ingredients, "See? Sodium laureth sulfate. This isn’t good, Love. It doesn’t even have natural ingredients at all,”
“It’s fine, Dee. I can use body cream after that.”
“That’s not my point. I mean, this bottle only contains chemical after chemical after chemical. You should invest in something more gentle for your skin so in the long run—”
“Dee, I can’t afford a lifestyle like that with my salary,” You calmly explain to Doyoung that there are other more important expenses you have to handle by yourself as a single mother other than just spending so much money for body wash. You explain that beauty isn’t your number one priority, because mostly your expenses are about Harin; her school, her doctor, her vitamin, her insurance, and many other miscellaneous expenses related to her, “I always buy Harin a good body wash as you’ve mentioned because she needs that more than I do. As for me, this body wash is enough. My skin never reacts negatively to it, Dee. Don’t worry,”
Doyoung lifts his left hand and touch your cheek using his palm, “I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking about that,” you can see a hint of pain he’s feeling through the way he looks at you—the same hint of pain he showed when you first tell him about how Harin’s dad used to treat you, “Although I can actually buy you the soap and every other best thing for you, I know you don’t want it,” He strokes your hair softly, “Just remember, it’s okay to need help sometimes. You can always come to me if you need anything, okay? Anything.”
And once again Doyoung proves how much he respects you and your choices.
***
You lower the lighting in the room by turning the overhead lamp off. The soft orangey light from the bedside lamp is now the exclusive source of light in the room, making the night officially feels like a date night. It finally feels alright to anticipate what’s going to happen tonight. It’s even more perfect because Harin’s not home, so both you and Doyoung will not have to worry about Harin suddenly coming into your room because of her nightmare.
A perfect night is getting even more perfect because you’re in Doyoung’s arm now. You can inhale the scent of bergamot from the diffuser mixed with the warm trace of Doyoung’s rosewood body wash. It’s a relaxing yet intoxicating sensation that makes your heart feel warm, and so does your core.
But then you notice Doyoung starts shaking his feet nervously. And as you’re laying your head above his chest, you can hear his heart beating faster than it normally does, “What happened, Dee?” You sit right up to see Doyoung’s face. You place your palm onto his chest, feeling the beat after beat of his heart. You look at his face and you find him, even in the low-light setting of the room, blushing, “You have some ideas in your mind, don’t you?” He smiles and gets even more blushy to the point he has to pull the blanket over his face to hide.
“I do have some– no, an idea. Just one. But I’m not sure you’re fine with my idea,”
“Okay, tell me.” You find it exciting yet nerve-racking when Doyoung finally courageous enough to speak up about his desire after being in an official relationship with you for eight months.
At the beginning of your relationship, you told him that you’re a little afraid of the idea of having sex. Ever since you’re being left out by Harin’s father when you told him about your pregnancy, you always see sex as a kind of exploitative action where you are the object of someone’s exploration. With that thought in mind and the self-consciousness you had about your body and your condition as a single mother, you had a hard time finding a man that could understand you. A man who wouldn’t force you to go beyond your comfort zone, a man who wouldn’t force you to satisfy him as a compensation of your unwillingness to have sex.
Long story short, Doyoung turns out to be the man of your dream.
He knows and understands your boundaries. He never forgets to ask you what is comfortable and uncomfortable for you. Even with the limited access he has to your body, he seems to have infinite ways to make you feel special with his praises, from the simplest “You use new lip balm? This taste nice,” to the weirdest “I like how my tongue glides on your teeth,” he has it all. He makes sure the both of you have the greatest pleasure even with the limited resources you have, and he’s always thankful for what he has.
“Can I touch you?” Asked Doyoung, expressing that one idea he has tonight. You look at him in confusion, because he’s always allowed to touch you and he doesn’t need to ask for that anymore. Seeing the confusion in your eyes, he revises his words, “May I please you?” Still confused, you don’t know what to say, “May I taste you?” said Doyoung while looking down your panties.
Now you get it and your whole body turns hotter than ever, “That’s unexpected,” you whisper.
“I know you’re afraid of sex, and I promise I’m not asking for that.” Doyoung holds both of your hands while talking to you eye-to-eye, “The last time we met, you brought me the greatest pleasure I’ve ever felt in my life. I just want you to feel the same pleasure I felt,” Doyoung said. And then, clearly anxious not to sound like he’s forcing anything, he adds quickly: “Or we can just do what we usually do.”
“What if I say no?”
“It’s okay, I still love you.” He melts your heart because there is no sign of disappointment in his face when he’s saying that. It somehow makes you feel how genuine his love to you, and it makes you trust him even more. Am I ready for this? You’re asking yourself. Even though it’s not sex, but being naked in front of a guy for the first time in four years is still a big deal for you. The insecurity you have about your ‘postpartum’ body makes the deal even bigger. What if I’m no longer pretty down there after giving birth to Harin? What if, what if, what if.
“Hey, let’s just spooning to sleep, shall we?” He smiles and kisses your cheeks.
“I don’t wanna sleep yet.”
“Okay, what shall we do?”
“Wait here. I’m gonna wash myself first.” You’ve decided to let Doyoung touch you; please you; or, in his words, taste you. You understand that love is about mutual understandings. After eight months of feeling Doyoung’s affections, little by little, you realize that he’s someone worth opening up to. You realize that, all these times, it was only Doyoung who tried to understand you. It’s time for you to understand him: what he likes, what he wants, what he needs.
At this, Doyoung positively beamed, “You sure?” he keeps rechecking because it’s too good to be true for him. He grins even wider when you murmur yes, of course.
***
“Wow” is the only word that came out of Doyoung’s mouth when he sees you wear the lace lingerie set that Taeyong’s wife had given you after you tell her about your new relationship status with Doyoung.
You try to cover up your breast and the flower between your legs when you realize that you’re basically naked since the sheer fabric doesn’t really do any job covering your things. “Hey, can you show me? It’s beautiful,” Doyoung places his hand over your right hand, asking for permission to take the hand off of your chest.
His smile blooms when your light brown buds show up underneath the lace, “It feels like this is my first time seeing this,” he mumbles while lightly touching your nipple with his forefinger— a small action that presses the anticipation button in your mind. He then takes your hand and guides you to the already cleaned up bed. No more TV remote, handphone, and even blanket above the bed, the only thing left is a couple of pillows and,
“Vibrator?” You stop your step altogether when you see a small, bullet-like and rubbery thing beside the pillows. Your heart absolutely pounding against your chest as you start imagining how intense the stimulations Doyoung is going to give you, “Dee, y-you want to use that on me?” You’re not sure why your voice is shaking, is it excitement or fear? You’re not sure either.
“Oh no, don’t be scared, Love.” Doyoung pulls your shaking body into his arms and hugs you tightly, “You’re the one who can decide whether you want to use it or not. I’m not gonna force you to use it on you if you don’t want to. Is that okay?” and as you nod against his chest, he let you go and kisses you on your cheeks.
You have kind of expected that the kisses on your cheeks will shortly turn into a passionate kiss. But still, there will always be a surprise from Doyoung. You’ll never know when he will go for a warm kiss on closed lips or when he will go all out for a kiss that makes you forget how to breathe.
And tonight he chooses to go slow-burn.
He starts by kissing around the edges of your lips while slowly bringing one of his hands to caress your cheek and the other one going up your neck. Deep inside, you want him to quickly land his lips on yours and do it a little rough, but tonight you just want to savor everything he had planned, in the pace he wants. Doyoung pushes his fingers through your hair, slightly pulls your body closer to him, and guides your head to embrace the lustrous lips that are coming your way; you then close your eyes and start feeling his warm breath against your skin.
Lips against lips. He starts with short kisses and closed mouth, giving you time to get used to the warmth and the slight wetness of his lips. Not long after, he gently pinches your lower lip between his lips and you can feel him smiling when you open your mouth slightly. Unlike what you’re expecting, he suddenly pulls back and leaving your opened mouth unattended.
“Wh–” He doesn’t give you time to protest, because he goes straight for your neck. His faint breath against the skin below your earlobe excites your nerve endings. The shiver runs down to your spine as Doyoung starts grazing your neck with his lips, giving you some light kisses before bringing his tongue into the mix.
“You like it here,” Doyoung whispers, kissing again at the sensitive spot above your collarbone; the spot that elicited the involuntary soft moans. You’re getting more and more crazy as his mouth finds another spot while his hand sneakily going under the waistband of your panties and start kneading your ass— the part of your body he never gets to explore.
“Dee, can we— move— ah,” you give up forming the complete sentence because your brain is now focusing itself on the pleasure Doyoung brings to your nipple and the edge of your core. Using sheer, lacey lingerie turns out to be a great choice because even when it’s still covering your breast entirely, you can still feel the pleasure and warmth Doyoung’s mouth brings when he lightly sucks and licks your hardening buds, “Dee. Bed. Please,”
***
Once you land your back on the bed, the anxiety starts kicking in. You’re now too distracted to focus on the sensation of Doyoung’s hand squeezing your breast gently— the sensation that usually makes you high, it now feels just like any other touch; no sparks at all.
“Hey, you want me to stop?” Doyoung snaps you out of your bottomless fear. You find him watching you fondly with a hint of worry in his gaze, “Is this too fast, Love?” He kisses your forehead and then wipes the sweat using his thumb, “can you tell me what’s on your mind now?”
“I’m afraid I can’t perform well, Doyoung,” you check his reaction, but he’s still listening to you attentively, “What if I can’t reach orgasm?”
“What about that?”
“I don’t wanna make you feel bad, Dee.”
He pinches your cheeks while pouting his lips cutely, “I’m not your ex, ____. Just tell me if you can’t get it, I’ll be fine. There are times when your body does that, it’s normal. It’s not your fault, okay?” He pauses, eyes looking at the ceiling to search for some words in his mind, “Well, maybe it’s my fault. But… you get my point, right?”
You nod and he drops his body to give you a big hug, “I love you, ____,” whispered Doyoung in your ear. He then pulls back, lifts the blanket he threw to the floor earlier and put it on your body. The next thing he does is the most unexpected ones: He snuggles himself into the blanket and hugs your body warmly.
“Dee, what are you doing?”
“Hugging you.”
“We’re not gonna continue… that?”
He gets giggly all of the sudden and throws the blanket back to the floor right away. He then positioning himself above you, giving himself full access to your face and body. Naturally, you circle your arms around his neck to cut the space between your lips and initiate a kiss. This time, you promise yourself that you’re just going to concentrate on the sensation you’re familiar with. You’ll try to push those nasty thoughts away so it won’t meddle with the rare intimate moment you have with your lover.
As Doyoung’s lips brush down over your neck, all the way to the hollow of your throat, you let your head roll back and swallow hard. It felt good. This part felt good, you think to yourself. Warmth seemed to radiate from the sites of Doyoung’s kisses – calm.
Doyoung kisses down your chest, making you wanting more and more attention. “Lick me,” too carried away, you let out a command unintentionally. Obliging, Doyoung runs his tongue over one hard nipple with a persistent, teasing flick, eliciting a whimper from your throat, “Fuck,” you curse for the first time throughout your entire relationship with Doyoung. Hearing that, Doyoung’s getting more excited about exploring your body. He really loves it when he can turn someone so divine into an alluring mess with the right touch.
With one hand still teasing your right nipple, Doyoung is now trailing his tongue along your tummy. He sucks and bites around your belly button, marking his new milestones on your body, “seems like someone cannot wear a crop top for a while,” he chuckles before marking his one last stop; the closest one to your opening.
Doyoung sits right up after that. He runs his finger around the elastic band around your hips, giving you the most pleasurable tickles you’ve ever experienced, “Can I take it off?” He murmurs with his slightly-hoarse voice.
His fingers move quickly once you give him permission to take the panties off. You can’t describe how lovely his blushy face is when he looks at your treasure admiringly. “Beautiful,” said Doyoung without a sound, yet it’s still loud in your mind.
“You still want to try this, Love?”
“Yes,” You breathed without hesitation. You’ve never felt surer in your life.
Your heart beats faster and faster as Doyoung starts lowering himself to lie on his stomach. Once he finds the most comfortable position for him, he brings his face closer to your core. Gradually, you can feel the heat rises down there. The heat gets more serious when you can feel Doyoung’s warm breath touch your skin, making you crinkle your toes as the anticipation builds up within you.
He starts by placing kisses on your inner thighs; the right and the left. His hands also don’t stand still, using his thumb, he strokes your opening gently. Up, down, up, down; every touch feels loaded with electricity.
And he finally arrives at the lips. He places a soft kiss on the outer lips as if he’s politely introducing himself to a new friend. “Ah,” your body jumps in surprise when Doyoung pushes his tongue past the outer lips and start exposing the inner lips.
The feeling intensifies, forcing you to start biting your lips to hold back the loud moans that are already in your throat.
A couple of tears drop from your eyes as Doyoung changes the way he does his thing. His tongue is no longer feels broad down there, his tongue now feels pointy so it hits you precisely on the spot that can possibly kill you.
“Dee, please…” You don’t even know what you’re asking for. You’re just hoping that Doyoung knows what to do.
And he does.
He slowly and gently pushes the tip of his tongue to your sensitive opening. God, you wish you count how many times Doyoung hits the right spot so you can pay him back later. He hasn’t touched your clitoris yet, but he can already push you closer to your limit. You can’t imagine how intense it’ll be when he finds—
“Shit, babe— darl— ah,” those pet names come out of nowhere when Doyoung’s mouth finds your clitoris and starts sucking on it. Your fingers work into Doyoung’s hair, not gripping tightly, not directing him, but just lacing there for reassurance.
Doyoung gets crazier. He audaciously using both his fingers and mouth to take care of your opening and your clitoris. At first, he pushes two fingers inside you and starts working you from within by finding your G-spot, “Right there, right there,” you can’t control your body any longer. It feels like you can explode anytime if he Continuously treating you like this. But right when you think the sensation was the craziest, he adds his mouth to work you up from the outside. That’s when you start making noises that you know you’d probably be ashamed of tomorrow.
“Dee, I can't— Gosh, keep doing that—” your hips can’t stay flat to the bed anymore when your climax is approaching. You know it’s almost the time when you’re not sure whether you want Doyoung to stop or to go faster. You’re already overloaded with feelings, emotions, and stimulation, you just want to burst. Gosh, who needs vibrator if your boyfriend is this good.
“I’m close,” You announce. Doyoung then lifts up his face from your center to look at the mess he causes to your face, but still working his fingers inside you. Using his other hand, he intertwines your fingers with his as he wants to feel you squeezing his hand when you reach your climax.
“Come for me, Love.” He lightly brushes his thumb on your hand, eyes staring intensely at you; not wanting to miss any second of your climax. And with a loud moan you let out of your mouth and the tightening muscles inside you, Doyoung finally lets you go and showers you with kisses.
Doyoung sits in silence while seeing you trying to regulate your breath and stop your quiver. Inside his head, he’s praying to God that he’s gonna have another and another chance to be in this situation with you again. It’s weird to say, but his heart feels warm when seeing you being physically and emotionally spent like this.
“Amazing,____. My _____,” said Doyoung while placing his nose on yours.
“Now… you… I’ll…” you whisper when you remember that Doyoung’s was not being taken care of at all tonight, but Doyoung just laughed lightly, shaking his head.
Attention. You've been craving for one since the first time you realized that you're alive but not loved. You had tried seeking for attention by doing your best in everything, but your parents took you for granted. Do I have to praise you? Fuck no. That's what a daughter is supposed to do even when we don't ask you, they said. Hurt? Yes. But you didn't give up. You kept trying to live a life that, as you assumed, they wanted you to have— even if it means you're gonna lose yourself in the process.
At some point, you had had enough. For the first time in your life, you took the opposite path from what they wanted you to take. You took your guitar and left the comfort of your room. You didn't look back when your father screamed at you, you felt nothing when your mother's hand landed on your cheek, and you weren't afraid when they threatened to stop supporting you— in any way possible. You were just couldn't care less. You're ready to show off your talents. You're ready to be found by thousands of people who are gonna love you as you.
But for three weeks, you're just an entity no one cared to see and hear. They threw coins inside your case, and moved on. No one actually listened to your song.
Until three days ago, you noticed someone's watching you from afar while you're playing Casimir Pulaski Day. You then watched his head subtly followed the rythm of your guitar before he disappeared inside the moving bus.
Two days ago, that someone's there again. A he. A beautiful 'he' with his lean body, pointy nose, and cat-like eyes. You played Sufjan Steven's Chicago to catch his attention, and you made it. He turned his head to you upon hearing the first verse. "Hey! Come here! I can play any song you wanna dance to!" You took the courage to scream and wave at him. He waved back at you and smiled while entering the blue bus he took everyday at the same time.
So yesterday, you waited for him. Your hands skillfully tuning your guitar, preparing yourself to play the song you thought he'd like: Mystery of Love.
And there he was. Walking from the building where, you supposed, he's working in. But that day, he's not walking towards the bus stop. He's walking towards you; his left hand loosening up his neck tie and his right hand gesturing you to start singing.
"Good song choice by the way," He said as he's pouring coins out of his small pouch to your guitar case. You smiled, thanking him for giving you a chance to eat a warm meal tonight and, most importantly, a chance to be seen.
When you thought he's just gonna listen to your song, you're wrong. Once he took of his shoes, he then started dancing and effortlesly conveying his raw emotions through his movement. His shape was so graceful as if you can read lyrics through his lines and curves. It felt like the world around you was dark, and the only spotlight is illuminating him.
He stopped abruptly as the blue bus was approaching. He carelessly put on his shoes, took his clutch out of your guitar case, and started running to the bus stop. He turned around for awhile, shouting "I'm coming back next week! Prepare good songs for me!"
"What's your name?"
"Ten!" He entered the bus and went out of your sight completely.
You smiled. You thought you needed attention from 1000 people to make yourself feel appreciated, needed, and important.
And turned out a genuine attention from one stranger is enough to keep you alive one more day.
After days of preparation; days of crews and equipments flooding into Mark’s house, finally the day has come. Cameras that were set on every part of his house are now blinking their red lights. Each small tent that was built in every corner of his house is now occupied with one adult and his camera; ready to follow every movement of the princess.
"Mark and Myla Lee, Scene one, take one, action." Once the director's assistant clap the slate, Mark reads the question in front of him inside his head. Tell us about yourself, your wife, your marriage, and your daughter.
"Hello, Everyone." He bows in front of the camera to greet his audiences, "My name is Mark Lee from the group NCT 127, but in this house, I'm famous as 'Papa Lee' because apparently, Mark isn’t an easy word to be pronounced by a 2,5 year-old toddler.”
Until today, he still couldn’t believe that he’s starring at his favorite variety show with his own daughter. Even before he met you, it’s always been Mark’s dream to join Superman Returns’ families because, as someone who’s too lazy in documenting moments, he thought it’d be very helpful if there is a professional team that could record every milestone of his child and sharing them to his fans. Also, it’d be very cool if he, despite all of his carelessness, can be seen as a superhero in the eyes of his fans and his daughter.
The director’s assistant then pointing at the word wife on the question paper; signaling Mark to start talking about you.
"I got married to my wife five years ago. She used to be a radio announcer before she quit to be a full-time mom when Myla was born.” He takes a deep breath while trying to gather words he needs to elaborate a perfect story about you, “Honestly, her decision to quit her career to take care of Myla deeply moved me. It wasn't an easy decision to do, especially when she's at the peak of her career.” He stops again to make sure he’s not talking too much, “But that's when I knew that the love a mother has for a child— even when she's not born yet— can overcome everything. She inspires me to be a better dad for Myla, and at the same time, she encourages me to become a better artist."
A new paper shows up. What changes in you after Myla's born?
"It's like my second life has started. I mean, I still have in me the old mark; the same Mark with his strong ambition to fulfill his dreams and also the same Mark with a bunch of regrets. But when Myla came, she brought me a whole new world. " A wide smile formed in Mark's face before he continues, "Although I still have the same dreams and regrets, she leads me to walk another path in life. She teaches me to be mindful about everything I do. She teaches me to appreciate and be thankful for small things. She reshapes me to be a better, although not perfect, me."
The director and the other staff seem bewitched by Mark's words to the point they don't realize that Mark has done talking and waiting for a new question— or maybe a cue that tells this interview has ended. The moment he wakes up from his daydream, the assistant quickly write down the final question for Mark. How close are you with Myla?
"Well, that's a hard question. When you ask Myla who she loves more, she'll definitely say that she loves her mom more." He laughs his signature laughter where he laughs and claps like a seal, " But on the scale 1 to 10, I'll give myself an eight. Although she spends most of her time with her mom, but whenever I'm home, she'll 100% forget her mom and sticks to me like a chewing gum. But if you ask me whether I know her or not, that's where I'm not sure. Myla is a mystery. I think I know her today, but the next day I have to learn another new thing about her. She's—"
"Papaaaaaaa!" Through the opened door, Myla's scream creeps into the room. Although her scream sounds coming from somewhere far away, but everyone can hear that she's really screaming on top of her lungs.
"Could you please excuse me for a moment?" Mark gets out of the room to follow the sound of a crying Myla that eventually leads him to the bathroom near Myla's room.
When he enters the bathroom, Mark finds you crouching down in front of the toilet with one hand caressing Myla's back. He can sense confusion and helplessness radiating through your gestures expression while you're looking at the sweaty Myla, "I know it's painful, Myla. I know."
For the past two days, Myla’s bowel doesn’t want to cooperate. On the first day she missed her ‘morning routine’, you weren’t worry that much. You thought that it’s something normal, and she’ll get it out on the next day. But on the next day, Myla started feeling the urge to get it out, but that’s when the vicious cycle started.
She felt hurt when she started pushing, and then she stopped trying. Traumatized by the pain, she avoided going to the bathroom when the time came. The more she held back, the more constipated she got. The more constipated she was, the more painful it was. It’s repeating again and again to the point she’s losing her appetite and become a lot more cranky.
You wipe the tears that are streaming down Myla's face after trying to push the stubborn poop out of her. "Let's try again later, okay?" Myla nods to your question. You try to clean her up, but then you find a blood stain on the tissue you're using.
Mark knows you're too brokenhearted to do your 'job' correctly when he realizes that you're staring at the blood stain for way too long, "I'll do it," he squats down before the toilet and continue the cleaning himself. In his head, Mark is trying to formulate a way to make going to the bathroom is less traumatizing for Myla.
"Later when you need to poopoo again, you can pinch my arm like this," He pinches his own arms to give an example to Myla, "So you can share the pain with me because I really, reeeeeaally, hate to see you hurting alone. Okay, Love?" And although she hesitated at first, Myla eventually nods.
“Can you promise me that you’ll drink a lot of water and eat your fruits and veggies, Myla?” And she shakes her head with all of her might.
“Mark, can I stay for today?” Your heart feels really heavy upon remembering that you need to leave the house while they’re shooting the show.
“Don’t worry, Babe. I know how to motivate her eating her veggies and moving her body,” He winks at you before continuing, “Myla, if I promise you that I’ll invite Kaito Oppa to our house, can you promise me to eat your fruits and veggies today?” And without much thought, Myla agrees to Mark’s condition.
You smile after hearing Mark’s plan in motivating Myla to do what she hates doing. Damn, Mark Lee. I admit that you're smart sometimes. You praise him in your head.
It’s no longer a secret that, if Caesar Milan is a dog whisperer, Kaito is a myla whisperer. Just by talking to Kaito on a video-call, the dark cloud above Myla’s head will disappear suddenly. Just by shaking his head, Kaito can stop Myla from doing whatever she’s doing. Kaito’s power over Myla’s heart is something that no other person can have; not Minki, not Yoojae, not Haein— and sometimes not even Mark.
“Have you called Yuta though?” You whispered in Mark’s ears, making sure he’s not giving Myla a false hope so you can leave the house peacefully.
“Of course, Babe. Don’t worry.” Mark smiles carefully; making sure that you won’t realize that he’s lying to you. I’ll call him after you leave home, Mark secretly adds another sentence inside his mind.
The clock in the living room rings nine times; marking the end of the twins' bed-time routine. No more chit-chat, no more storytelling, and no more light. They have to start closing their eyes and begin their sheep counting session right away— well, in the twins' case, it's actually called Hippopotamus counting instead of sheep counting because the twins have an unexplainable grudge against sheeps.
"Sleep tight, Loves." You vaguely hear Jaehyun bids goodbye to the twins and closes their door softly. You then close your eyes and start counting Jaehyun's steps in your mind. The louder Jaehyun's step is, the harder you try pretending to be asleep because you don't know what and how to talk to Jaehyun after what he did in the morning. You can't even understand what emotion is now dominating your mind— Is it anger, sadness, confusion, acceptance, or disappointment; you can't choose because they're all overpowering each other.
The door is opened. Even though your face is facing the wall, you can clearly sense the awkwardness coming from behind you. The room suddenly turns cold and quiet; almost too quiet so you can only hear your breath.
After standing still in front of the door for a few minutes, you can feel Jaehyun gets closer to you. The bed is shaking a little when he carefully tries to get on it, "Babe?" Jaehyun whispers in your ear; his thumb caressing your shoulder. You try really hard to keep pretending, but your body betrays you by getting goosebumps over his touch. "I know you're still up. Can we—" he inhales a deep sigh before exhaling it heavily, "Can we… talk?"
You give up pretending. Still, your heart hasn't been in the right place to talk to him. Just thinking about the expression he made while saying I need some sleep is already making your heart racing and your blood boiling, "Let's talk about it tomorrow, Jae." No matter how hard it would be to talk to Jaehyun tomorrow, you still believe that things need to be talked through. Talk, don't dwell in assumptions is even written in your pre-wedding "contract" with Jaehyun.
"O-okay." He moves away from you slowly, "May I sleep here tonight?"
"Okay," You flatly say, trying not to laugh at Jaehyun's biggest concern of the night.
—
You open your eyes upon feeling the bed is shaking a little. Unlike when you started sleeping, you're now facing Jaehyun's broad back in front of you. But even with the dimmed light, you can clearly see his shoulder shaking and not long after, your ears catch sobbing sound coming from Jaehyun's side.
You then sit yourself up on the bed, trying to wake Jaehyun up from his bad dream. Jaehyun crying at night while sleeping is not something new, because he often gets bad dream when he's too exhausted. All you need to do is waking him up, and let him snuggles his head onto your chest. "Jae, bad dream ag—" You don't finish your question because you find Jaehyun really cries; hands hugging his dark-green notebook in his chest.
"Hey, why are you crying?" The moment you realize that he's crying, you forget every anger you have throughout the day. For someone who rarely cries and angry, something really bad must've happened to him last night— and you should've realized it from the start. "Wanna talk about it, Jae?"
"I'm ashamed of myself, _____." He hides his face onto the pillow; this behaviour is so unlike Jaehyun.
You caress his hair lovingly, trying to tell him that you still got his back, "Something happened to you in the studio, Jae?"
"I wish I have more power over my… dream." He gets up and you automatically pulls him into your arms, "The song I wrote about Mina and Minki…"
"Your title track?"
"...not anymore." His head falls onto your shoulder the moment he said that, as if his soul and energy have completely left his body. "I can't use it as my title track, can't even include it into the album." He starts sobbing again, and your heart is breaking with every sobs you hear, "What should I do, ___? It's supposed to be Mina and Minki's birthday gift."
Now you completely understand why he's so emotional this morning. As a family guy, he had spent so many hours away from his family for the sake of recording and practicing for his first album. The thought of giving Mina and Minki a song about them was the only thing that kept him going; the only thing that made him could forgive himself for not being there for the twins.
But then, they took it out from the album suddenly; without any conversation to begin with. To Jaehyun, It's like amputating all of his limbs without any reason at all. Sure he's still alive, but he can't be functioning 'normally' again after that.
"I'm the worst father in the world, isn't it? I can't even fight for them, and now I hurt them. I really don't deserve—"
"Sshh, you're not the worst father, Jae. You're just having the worst day."
—
(A/N: Jaehyun and The Twin's night time routine & The behind the scene of the song are coming soon!)
You have no idea that the relationship you started with Doyoung would progressed into something you deeply cherish and enjoy. If a year ago you always hated Sunday because it pushed Saturday away and brought Monday closer, now Sunday is the only day of the week you're looking forward to.
These days, Sunday no longer means staying in bed the whole day to recharge your forever-low energy. Sunday no longer means feeding Harin with foods your mom sent you on Friday. Ever since Doyoung came into your life, Sunday means family time. Sunday means Doyoung.
Unlike the other days when you have to think of different ways to wake Harin up, only on Sunday, she'll wake up on her own. She'll jump off the bed to run into the bathroom, and cheerfully brushes her teeth while singing NCT 127's Switch— no matter how much you love hearing Doyoung's voice in the song, you can't avoid getting sick of hearing it since Harin literally plays the song on repeat 24/7; it's her morning anthem and also her lullaby. Not only she can sing the song perfectly, she has also memorized the choreography. At this point, you're sure you won't be surprised if one day Harin says that she want to be an idol like Doyoung.
After brushing her teeth, the next thing Harin usually does on Sunday is going through all clothes in her closet to find the prettiest pair that makes her looks perfect in front of Doyoung. Most of the time, it'll seem like Harin is the one who's actually dating Doyoung, not you.
Ding dong.
Swooosh. You can feel something so fast passing you as you're trying to open the door for Doyoung. That 'something' is Harin. She wants to be the first person Doyoung sees and kisses when the door is opened.
"Harin!" Doyoung gets down on his knees to kiss her cheeks, "How are you, Darling? Still having cold?"
You can feel your legs turning into jelly whenever hearing Doyoung calls Harin with 'Darling'. No one, other than you and your family, ever called her that way. Everybody calls her by her name; even her 'dad' calls her a mistake.
"I'm great, Uncle. I'm just a little bit hungry," She rubs her stomach while staring meaningfully at Doyoung's eyes.
"Don't worry, Darling. I've bought these for you!" Doyoung shows Harin a plastic bag filled with potato, sausage, chicken, and broccoli a.k.a Harin's worst nightmare. "You love broccoli, right?" Doyoung asked.
She heaves a sigh before saying, "Y-yes, Uncle." A bitter smile clearly formed on her face; making you and Doyoung try really hard not to laugh.
Actually, Doyoung know that Harin hates everything green on her plate. He knows you've given up trying to feed her vegetables, so then Harin has to take vegetable supplements to make up for vitamin deficiency in her body.
But Doyoung also knows how to play with Harin's ego. He knows that Harin will always try to be a good girl in front of him. And in her mind, 'being a good girl' also means 'being a girl who loves eating vegetables'.
*
Doyoung is a cure for Harin's youtube addiction. Today's Harin enjoys watching Doyoung cooks more than she enjoys watching Pororo. She also opens up a lot more about herself, because her mind is no longer occupied by videos after videos that are recommended by Youtube. She now has room in her mind that can be filled with dreams and imagination she makes by and for herself.
"Harin, your mama told me that you're now friend with Hyunwoo. What happened?" That's the question you don't even know the answer. Hyunwoo used to be the one who often made Harin cried at school after being told things like Harin's father hates her, Harin's father dumped her, and many other horrible things.
Hyunwoo's image was really bad in your and Doyoung's mind, you both didn't expect to see Harin did a great job helping Hyunwoo finishing his drawing today on her daily report made by her teacher at the kindergarten.
"I'm not her friend, Uncle. I'm just doing what you told me,"
"Which is…"
"To always give something for someone who needs help," She drinks her water before continuing, "So I gave him the talent he don't have, Uncle. His drawing was so bad, I feel bad for my teacher to see that ugly drawing."
Both you and Doyoung absolutely didn't expect that answer. You were expecting a deep and life-changing explanation behind her kindness, but no.
"Has he stopped teasing you now?" Doyoung asked while serving roasted potato with stir-fried chicken and broccoli on the table.
"I don't know, Uncle. Maybe he'll start teasing me again when—" She stopped talking and hesitantly look at Doyoung's face, "Nevermind,"
"What, Harin? You can tell me."
Harin suddenly turns fidgety. She can't stop shaking her feet and start biting her lips, "There will be a father's day celebration in my school next week," she then checks Doyoung's expression once again before continuing, "Would you come to my school on father's day, Uncle?"
That request hurts you and delights you at the same time. It hurts, because it's almost impossible for Doyoung to attend the celebration because he has to keep the relationship lowkey for the sake of his image. But it's also delightful, because now it's clear that Harin thinks of Doyoung as her father.
"Doyoung we can talk ab—"
"Of course, Harin. I'll empty my schedule for you," you can see Doyoung's face and eyes are getting red while saying that, "I'll celebrate father's day with you, My Love." His voice is shaking when he said father's day. His tears start falling down.
7:29 am— You opened your script again as you’re waiting for the train to come. Today’s gonna be a long day again, you thought as you were reading the line that’s supposed to be acted out by Mark, your co-star in your school’s play.
On the first meeting, Mark impressed the whole club with his acting. His expressions were natural, his intonations sounded like a good song in your ears, his words and pronunciations were clear; he made you forget that he was acting.
But his acting got worse the more you practiced.
Actually, He’s doing a great job with other actors but you. You couldn’t understand the emotions he’s trying to portray, he kept distancing himself from you, and he forgot every lines he had with you.
And last week’s practice was the messiest of it all.
“I think I’m in l-l-love— pffftt,” his laughter burst every time he’s saying that line. No progress for last week’s practice, because all casts had to repeat the same scene over and over again until Mark could be on his right mind— which didn’t happen last week.
Last week was too exhausting for you. A thought of stepping down from the role even came to your mind as you blamed yourself for not becoming the perfect partner for Mark— maybe, just maybe, Mark could return to his best performance if his partner wasn’t you.
Let’s give this week a try. Everything will get better. You gave yourself a pep talk while keep reading your script.
And you found a folded paper in between the papers; Mark’s handwriting. Your hand quickly unfolded the letter and then you found your heartbeat stopped at the first sentence he wrote
Dear,____.
I think I’m in love with you.
I think I’m in love with you.
I think I’m in love with you.
I think I’m in love with you.
I can write the same sentence a thousand more times for you if you want. It’s easy, my muscle memory remembers it all.
I’m sorry I messed up a lot earlier. I don’t know why, but your magnetism can always find a way to suck those words out of my mouth. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve rehearsed in front of the mirror, I’ll always be tongue-tied in front of you.
You once asked me, “What’s so hard about saying those words, Mark? It’s on your script, and it’s only one line.” You’re right, it’s easy to say, we’re only acting anyway.
But you know I’m not a good actor. I still can’t separate myself as Mark from myself as Juno. I always get my real feelings involved, so the thought of being found and not being loved back by you is too scary for a coward like me.
I don’t know what I should expect by writing this letter, but… I just want you to know.
11:35 am— veterinarian!Jaehyun smiled when you entered his office with the shocking pink cat carrier in your hands. Jaehyun could already imagine how big the cat would be by the way you carried it using both hands in great difficulty.
"Hi, ____! It's been a long time," Without even looking at your record, Jaehyun knew exactly when was the last time you visited his office. March 18th 2019; the day when you came with the biggest smile on your face because you knew that the donations you got could be used to spray and neutral more than three stray cats. It's also the day when Jaehyun couldn't sleep at night, his eyes staring at your phone number that he secretly saved from the patient's record.
One touch on the green icon was all he needed to reach you, but he couldn't. He made a promise to make a move on you on your next monthly visit to his office.
"I know right? It's been... what? Three months?" You took the cat out of the carrier with Jaehyun's help.
"Why's that?"
"I recently moved to a new apartment, so I have zero budget for the cats. Also, the donations were only enough to buy their food." You sighed, "I might need to find a sugar daddy to pay the cats' bills,"
Jaehyun halted his movement and looked at you with an arched brow, "Why you need sugar daddy when you can have a dedicated vet to take care of your cats?"
Jaehyun could feel blood and heat started rushing through his vein to his cheeks and ears. It got crazier when he saw you chew lightly at your bottom lip, resisting a grin that was about to bloom.
"A vet can only take care of my cats, Jaehyun. I too need a care,"
Jaehyun exhaled in relief, knowing that you're actually responding to his flirting "Oh, this vet can do both,____." He smiled cheek-to-cheek, "Wanna try?"
no 4 "why are you lying to me?" + taeyong please and can u make it angsty as possible?
“Tae, look ahead!” Taeyong snapped out of his daydream and found you were already holding on tightly on your seat belt. Sorry, he mumbled. He really didn’t realize he was looking at you all the time instead of the road. He just couldn’t stand it; he wanted to capture the as much memories of you as he could.
He felt a pinch in his chest when you played ‘Hey There Delilah’ on the music player. The song, along with other long distance songs, would be the anthem of his days for the next two years. With the sweet sound of his voice, he followed the song you played,
“A thousand miles seems pretty far, but they’ve got planes and trains and cars—“ he stopped singing all of the sudden, “God, I wish I was portable…”
You raised your eyebrows in confusion, “Portable? Why?”
“Yes, portable, so you can carry me around everywhere.” He turned at you and created sad puppy-face while saying, “Can I just follow you? Our bed will be too big without you by my side.”
He really didn’t want to be that kind of melancholic boyfriend who’s wailing at the thought of being left by his girlfriend. He wanted to be the supportive boyfriend that you need.
But it wasn’t easy.
“Stop it, Tae. Just two years; I’ll be back in two years. Besides, I’ll keep returning every month, Tae. It’s not a big deal, really. I’ll return and I’ll make you forget what is personal space in bedroom.” You pinched his cheek and left a soft peck on it afterwards.
“Promise you’ll come back, yeah?”
“Of course.”
“Every month, yeah?”
“Sure!”
“After two years, you’ll get my last name, yeah?”
You could feel the heat went up from your chest to your cheeks, “Yes. I’ll have your last name and a new academic title in two years.”
“Tae… they’ve found her—“ Taeyong’s mom hesitated to break the news for Taeyong as he was already suffering enough for the past couple of days, “I’m sorry, Tae.” Taeyong’s mom quickly hugged him so she didn’t have to look at Taeyong’s eyes. She’s tired of seeing hopelessness in those eyes, she wanted his sparkling eyes back.
But she knew it won’t happen soon, because your name was all over the internet and news as one of the victims of a plane crash.
Taeyong gritted his teeth as he saw your photo in the frame that he was holding. His thumb caressed your hair in the photo, but all he could feel was the cold and and sleek surface of the paper; not the softness of your curly hair.
“Why are you lying to me?!” Taeyong screamed at your photo he was holding. His mom and the rest of his family quickly gathered around him to calm him down.
“She’s a liar, Mom! She told me she’ll return every month. She told me it’ll just for two years—“ He stopped talking. The pain was unbearable as one last hope he was holding, was now shattered in pieces. “She lied, Mom. She’s not leaving for two years. She’s leaving… forever.”
Summary: This is the exact same moment from the precious post, but in Jaehyun’s POV. Don’t read this if you haven’t read the previous part.
Soundtrack: Ordinary - Copeland
Download this file to see this part and previous part side-by-side
From: Lee Miso
Jae, Don’t forget ur lunch❤️
To: Lee Miso
Ok.
From: Lee Miso
Where r u now baby? I miss you
To: Lee Miso
Work. Ttyl :)
Work?
Why am I always using work as a reason to run away from women? Stupid.
As he’s insulting himself, Jaehyun quickly put his phone back to his pocket and then ordered his third bottle of water. He needed to cool his body down from the nervousness and slight embarrassment that was flooding in his system. There were thousand reasons he had for not meeting you after that night, but apparently there were also million reasons he had for coming and meeting you.
One of those million reasons was He’s missing you, terribly.
He understood. After all pains he caused you, after all shits he threw at you for the past 8 months, he absolutely had no right to miss you— or even to think about you.
But he still did.
He missed waking up to the sound of your sizzling pan, going to work with a lunch box you made, coming home to the smile you put on your tired face, and sleeping to the lullaby you sang every night.
The past eight months had been so empty.
“Hi, Jae!” A light tap you made on Jaehyun’s shoulder sent an electric-like jolt to all over his body. She’s here. He couldn’t stop staring at your presence, until he forgot to greet you.
But as he tried to stand up, you’re already sitting across of him. He lost his chance to hug you.
Jaehyun’s mind was trying to formulate the right opening for today’s meeting, but he could only come out with, “How are you doing lately?” He smiled, but he himself could feel his smile was insincere.
“Well… as you can see,” You left the answer hanging to his own interpretation.
She looks… Jaehyun really couldn’t read you at all. Physically, you’re looking great. Even greater than the last time he met you. You’re back to using your favorite bright-colored clothing, your face’s looking more shining than ever, but your eyes… Why are your pupils shaking while looking at me? What does it mean?
Jaehyun wasted his time uncovering the meaning behind your shaking pupils, he didn’t realize the food had come and you had already eating your food in silence. He had no other choice than eating his food too, while keep thinking about what he should talk about next. He really wanted you to talk about your days like you used to, so he didn’t have to talk about the reason why he’s meeting you that afternoon.
“So, what is this, Jae?” You shoved a piece of meat to your mouth while looking at Jaehyun’s eyes. He observed the emotions in your eyes, but they were emotionless. Why aren’t you sad? You know that…
“I’m getting married next month,” it took a lot of courage to spit out the words he wanted to say throughout those suffocating twenty minutes.
Again, he took his time observing the emotions in your eyes, searching for the emotions he’s waiting for: sadness— even if it’s just a trace of your sadness would be fine for Jaehyun. He just needed a validation.
But he didn’t expect what you said next,
“So this is where I supposed to hug you and congratulate you, huh?” You stood up and walked to his seat to hug him. “Congratulations, Jae.”
He wanted to scream at you so you’d stop hugging him, but he couldn’t. As much as he hated to long for your embrace, he still craved for it. The warmth you radiated was something he had been missing; something he couldn’t find in every sessions of intimacy with her.
How could I exchange you for her? Just thinking about it made Jaehyun’s legs felt weak. He supported himself up by placing his hand on your back and his chin on the crook of your neck. “I’m really sorry for what I’ve done—”
He couldn’t finish his sentence because you pulled yourself from his hug “Oh, don’t say that, Jaehyun. I want you to live in regret for the rest of your life.” The way you spit out the harsh truth sent shiver to Jaehyun’s spine.
I deserve this. He thought. Although deep inside him, he’s still hoping that he can stand another chance with you. Just one last cry from you could validate the feelings he’d been feeling lately— he wanted to return to his home after months of meaningless adventure.
Yes. He just realized that home is you.
“I’m kidding, Jae!” You returned to your seat with the most cheerful expression you had ever made, “Don’t worry, I’ve forgiven you.”
She’s forgiven me? Sounds like she’s given up on me.
He returned to his chair with no other choice than smiling at you and left the past behind. He’s embarrassed by all foolish decisions he made over the past months; all for nothing.
“So who’s the bride?” Jaehyun’s heart stopped at the question. He really didn’t want to answer that question, because he felt dirty for talking about her in front of you. It felt like there were eight deadly sins instead of seven: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, pride, envy, and Lee Miso.
Jaehyun took out the invitation card out of his bag, so he didn’t have to tell you her name.
Jaehyun then saw your finger tracing the card. At some point, you stared blankly at the paper while mouthing Lee Miso and smiled hurtfully. “Why her, Jae?” That question slipped through your mouth out of nowhere. Jaehyun shut his mouth; eyes avoiding your gaze. He hadn’t prepared himself for such question.
“How could you decide to marry her this fast?” The last word came out almost like a whisper, but it sounded like thunder to Jaehyun’s ears.
“I can’t explain that. With her, suddenly everything feels… right.”
He lied. He could easily answer the question with one word: Lust.
Being together for so long with you, made nothing felt interesting anymore to Jaehyun. Your mistakes annoyed him. Listening to your stories made him yawned. Sex was not something he’s looking forward to anymore. You were no longer his priority, his works were.
And everything was exciting with Miso. Everything did felt right. But that was because Jaehyun had been knowing you inside-out for years, while he only knew Miso for months. Of course Miso was more perfect than you; she’s just showing Jaehyun her good sides, never her ugly sides.
At that moment, Jaehyun didn’t know how rude she would be to his parents. Jaehyun didn’t know how lazy she would become. Jaehyun didn’t know how bad their personality clash would be. Jaehyun didn’t know that the right person for him was you.
And those failures are painful to admit.
Jaehyun woke up from his thoughts and found you got lost in your thought as well. “Are you okay?”
“Am I okay?” You smiled, “You can see it yourself.” Again, you left the answer hanging to Jaehyun’s interpretation.
That’s it. She’s putting her distance to me. Jaehyun knew he shouldn’t pressure you to say the real answer. He chose to finish his lunch in sickening quietness.
*
“So, can I expect you to be at my wedding?” Jaehyun asked when you’re about to enter your friend’s car. Although he knew he didn’t stand another chance to be the main actor of your life story, he only needed to be the supporting role. Just a friend is enough.
You turned to face him and said “It’s actually the opposite.” You closed the door again before continuing, “I believe this is gonna be the very last time we’re meeting each other. When we meet in the future, let’s act like we’re never a thing at all, Jae. I wanna learn to forget you the way you forget me.”
“I don’t forge—“ He wanted to tell you how much he wanted to come back to you, but he realized it’s too much to ask from you. “Never mind, I understand,” he finally accepted his defeat.
“Goodbye, Jae.” You kissed his cheek for one last time and entered the car. Jaehyun then waited for your car to disappear completely from his sight.
I guess she didn’t want to give me the supporting role either.
He heaved a sigh before walking to his car with a heavy heart. The sun was still high in the sky, but he really needed to meet his best friend: Alcohol.
“So you’re now working with your ex-fucking-girlfriend, huh?” Lee Miso, the least person Jaehyun wanted to meet at that moment, was already waiting for him beside his car. She crossed her arms in front of her chest while leaning against his car’s door.
“So you really put tracker on my phone, huh?” Jaehyun walked pass Miso to enter the car, but she stopped Jaehyun midway.
“You lied, Jae.”
Jaehyun forcefully hit the car’s hood with his bare hand until the sound shocked everyone around, “Use your fuckin’ brain, Miso. I cheated in my previous relationship. And I cheated with you.” Jaehyun pointed his forefinger at Miso’s forehead while emphasizing the word you. “And now you’re right here, standing in front of me, thinking that I’ll stay loyal to you? Are you dumb?’
“But we’re getting married, Jae…” Miso started sobbing, but Jaehyun didn’t give a damn.
“Yeah, right. We need to talk about that.” Jaehyun then opened the car door and dragged Miso to get in. “This is my last time talking to her, and it’ll be our last time too, Miso.”
I never write my NCT contents under different account. Please let me know if you happen to see my works being copied/upoaded/translated in another account. Also, I don’t allow re-production/re-upload/translation of my works.
Currently accepting ideas, but not taking request.
[F] Fluff [A] Angst [G] General [S] Series
[Y.A] Young Adult Romance
[CH] College/High School Romance
Relationship, revealed: Taeyong [G]
"I can't marry someone who cheats": [Here] [F]
Above Our Sheets [YA]
“Why are you lying to me?” [A]
Continuous
Child name: Lee Yura
Continuous: Cost of Recklessness
Awarding Night [F]
Handling Jealous Yura [F]
Dentist Visit [F]
Last Chocolate [G]
Relationship, revealed: Jaehyun [F]
Veterinarian!Jaehyun [F]
Series
(y)our wedding [A]
It’s all started on your 24th birthday
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue
Continuous
Child name: Jung Mina & Jung Minki
Pregnancy Announcement [F]
IKEA Date [F]
P.1: "Your kids need their father, Jae!" [A] P.2 : Title Song
Jaehyun’s Diary [F]
Dad!NCT Universe
Child Name: Nakamoto Kaito
A Day Without Mom [G]
A Man Can Be Everything, Kaito. [F]
Dad!NCT Universe
Child Name: Myla Lee
Labor Room Tragedy [F]
Glimpses of mark as a new dad [F]
Uncle Jungwoo [G]
The Uncles [G]
Myla by Mark Lee [G]
Supermark Returns
“Should We Continue Our Relationship?”: [8:37 pm] [A]
“Let’s Come Here Together Next Winter”: [Here] [F] [A]
I never write my NCT contents under different account. Please let me know if you happen to see my works being copied/upoaded/translated in another account. Also, I don’t allow re-production/re-upload/translation of my works.
Currently accepting ideas, but not taking request.
[F] Fluff [A] Angst [G] General [S] Series
[Y.A] Young Adult Romance
[CH] College/High School Romance
“The Affectionless Guy” : [9:12 am] | [2:05 pm]
Dad!NCT Universe
Child Name: Dong Qinyang
Does she eat a lot?
Best New Actor: Dong Sicheng
“On Your Menstruation Day” [10:12 am] - G
You may want to marry my wife [Fluff but Angst]
Mystery of Love
Dad!NCT Universe
Child Name: Achara Leechaiyapornkul
June’s Art Performance [F] | June’s Poem
June’s New Hair Color
“I can make my own song” : P.1 [3:18 am] | The Song
Series
Disclosure
Journalist!Hendery is willing to do anything for promotion
“We’ll set the under eye concealer and… perfect.” Your best friend, Ara, blew the powder residue from your face and then put back the brush into your makeup pouch. You looked at your reflection in the mirror, Great! No more trace of three nights of non-stop crying.
“Never, ever, cry in front of him!” She cupped your face so you could look at her properly, “Keep those tears for the sad karaoke hour after this, Okay?”
“Of course, Bubs! There’s no pain this girl can’t handle,”
I wish.
*
You entered the restaurant and saw Jaehyun was waiting for you. The casual, cozy atmosphere of the restaurant didn’t fit Jaehyun’s mood. He’s looking stiff and nervous, as seen from the way tapped his feet continuously and checked his watch repeatedly.
“Hi, Jae!” You touched his shoulder and quickly sit on your seat to prevent yourself from giving out awkward gestures.
“Hi! How are you doing lately?” He smiled at you, but you can see the corner of his lips was twitching. A forced smile, obviously.
“Well, as you can see….” You left the answer hanging to his own interpretation. If he could be honest to himself, he’d feel the struggles you’d been through after breaking up with him. But if he just wanted to easily moving forward with his life, then he could just make a conclusion that you’re totally happy and content with your life. Both options were fine to you, because you didn’t care.
Well, you cared, but it didn’t matter anyway.
You didn’t exchange conversation afterward. Both of you waited for the foods in silence, and then eating in silence as well. At some point, you caught him trying to start conversation with you, but he refrained himself.
“So, what is this about, Jae?” You shoved a piece of meat to your mouth while looking at Jaehyun’s eyes calmly; fighting your own desire to run away because you actually knew his next words would be…
“I’m getting married next month,”
Right. As expected.
You had known about the wedding since three weeks ago. You had been blocking some of your college "friend” contacts ever since, because they kept buzzing you with questions– and statements– like I thought you’re the one getting married with Jaehyun, When did you break up with Jaehyun? And the list goes on forever.
“So this is when I supposed to hug you and congratulate you, huh?” You stood up and walked to his seat to hug him. “Congratulations, Jae.”
I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay was the spell you repeatedly chanted to yourself; hoping you can fool your mind to feel numb, especially when he placed his hand on your back and his chin on the crook of your neck. “I’m really sorry for what I’ve done,____”
You pulled yourself out from his hug “Oh, don’t say that, Jaehyun. I want you to live in regrets for the rest of your life.” The bitter smile you put on your face while doing that sent shiver to Jaehyun’s spine.
“I’m kidding, Jae!” You returned to your seat with the fakest laugh you could make, “Don’t worry, I’ve forgiven you.”
Have I really, though? You doubted yourself.
He returned to his seat with an obvious relieved look. Fuck. You cursed at yourself. You wanted to turn back the time so you can say you weren’t kidding at all. Because to you, seeing him agonizing over his betrayal is more satisfying to see.
“So who’s the bride?” You ‘curiously’ asked, because obviously, you already knew the answer since you had done your research about her thoroughly.
Instead of just saying the bride’s name, Jaehyun took out the invitation card from his bag and gave it out to you. You trace the card with your finger. It’s white instead of the red velvet card you’d always dreamed of. It’s decorated with ribbon instead of dried flower.
And it hit you really hard when reading Lee Miso beside Jaehyun’s name instead of yours, whilst your name is written as someone to whom the invitation may concern.
“Why her, Jae?” That question slipped through your mouth out of nowhere. Jaehyun shut his mouth; eyes avoiding your gaze.
“How could you decide to marry her this fast?” The last word came out almost like a whisper as you remembered the futile four years you spent convincing Jaehyun to marry you.
“I can’t explain that. With her, suddenly everything feels... right.”
That answer was the least thing you wanted to hear from him. You’d feel less hurt if the reason of their marriage was her pregnancy; that way you can tell everyone that Jaehyun was the jerk in the relationship.
But apparently, it’s the time you spent with him that didn’t feel right. It’s your fault the relationship failed. It’s your fault he’s not satisfied; It’s all the fault of your flaws.
And it’s painful to admit.
“Are you okay?” He was really concerned when he saw you got lost in your thoughts.
“Am I okay?” You smiled, “You can see it yourself.” Again, you left the answer hanging to Jaehyun’s interpretation. Jaehyun knew he shouldn’t pressure you to say the real answer, therefore he chose to finish his lunch in sickening quietness.
*
“So, can I expect you to be at my wedding?” He asked when you’re about to enter your friend’s car. You turned to face him and sighed “It’s actually the opposite, Jae”
You closed the door again before continuing, “I believe this is gonna be the very last time we’re meeting each other. When we meet in the future, let’s act like we’re never a thing at all, Jae. I wanna learn to forget you the way you forget me.”
“I don’t forget— Never mind, I understand.” You could see the pain in Jaehyun’s eyes when he said those bullshit.
“Goodbye, Jae.” You kissed his cheek for one last time, and then entered the car to quickly ran away from his sight. The moment you closed the door, Ara quickly started the car engine.
“Ara, I did it! I didn’t cry!”
With one hand in the steering wheel and the other hand in your shoulder, she softly said “Yes and I’m so proud of you! You can rest now since you have ended your side of the story too” And her words really stimulated your tears to stream down your face heavily.
Ara wordlessly wiped your tears before shouting, “Sad karaoke hours, here we go!”
