identity crisis @ndbun - Tumblr Blog

me: okay let’s see what you have

intrusive thoughts: a knife !!

me: NO

I think my least favorite part of being mentally ill is how sneaky my disorders are. Like I can be perfectly fine one moment then be crying with no idea why the next. It’s confusing, upsetting, embarrassing, and most of all, inconvenient.

#yea ://

Quick question how do I completely detach myself from reality?? I don't want to live here anymore. I want to make my own world and believe in it completely. I want to make the rules now. I'm partially there I just need to let myself be pushed over the edge but idk how

#bun.txt #@ this world: let me go thanks #I'm done w you so get over it

I just want somebody to hurt me more so I have the guts to do it. Bcuz I'm never gonna do it like this. My shit brain wants me to think I have too much to live for but I truly honestly don't and just need the incentive to let go

#bun.txt #suicide /

I kinda wanna kms rn cuz things are fuck and I'd like to be one of those people that's able to say that I know my friends care about me but I don't?? I don't think they do?? Friends aren't people who make you feel like absolute worthless shit all the time so idk man

#no weekend breakdowns we have them in the middle of the week like complete fuck ups #bun.txt #suicide /

inkskinned

It’s not that I want to kill myself but the bathtub is an easy place to fall asleep in. I take showers instead and don’t think about drowning. It would be weird to die naked anyway. I don’t count the days and hours and minutes like they’re spiders, at least not on purpose. I’m not so tired of being alive that I can’t find a quick moment of enjoyment in the worst television but I also don’t usually bother to try. It’s okay. Sometimes I want to wake up and sometimes I wonder if it would be better to just sleep for a while. I want to harness the guilt I feel at 3 in the morning to make myself better the next day but instead I just keep being this person I can’t stand or maybe am so used to I don’t even recognize as being different from who I actually am. I don’t know. I haven’t taken a bath in a while. I wear my seatbelt. I look before crossing the road. It’s just that for a second, I think about what would happen if I didn’t. And that second is slow.

#this made me feel all......feelings #bc like yea that's Exactly it #n especially the thing abt baths rly got to me bc that's where I've made most of my attempts #wow this is Good Post op #this is what I want 2 say but don't know how to put into words #suicide /

dankmemesreasonforliving

bipolaroctopus

“how do you cope with your mental illness?” bitch! I’ve never coped with anything in my entire life not a god damn thing so jot that down!

crescentpalms

EMERGENCY EVAC FUND

as most of you know, hurricane irma (CAT 5, 180+ mph winds) is becoming a considerable threat to the southern east coast of the US. My family and I live on the SE coast of georgia. We are incredibly low income and we have no way of getting out of the storms path or buying supplies.

Last year, we almost died because of Hurricane Matthew, which uprooted 5 trees in our yard that very narrowly missed landing right on top of us as we took shelter inside. I watched one of these trees (the first to fall) turn just in time to knock out our power line instead of toppling through our roof and landing right where i was standing.

Matthew was bad, but Irma is much, much, worse. There are still several very large pine trees in our yard, the biggest of which is right in front of the only somewhat safe place in the house, that would absolutely demolish our home if they were to uproot like they did last October. There are ten of us, 3 of which are children, plus my 3 emotional support cats and our family dog. Please help us because I really dont believe we’ll survive this storm if we stay here again. donation link: cash.me/$Aidaliana please, please, share and donate if you can. were terrified and we dont have much time.

#o gee signal boosting to this blog since it's my most popular #hurricanes /#natural disasters /#donations /

pkaykim

Ik this has been said a thousand times before but that meme dismissing violent intrusive thoughts and saying real intrusive thoughts are shit like eating leaves? Bad meme. Sorry that me wanting to kms bc I can't trust myself not to act on my violent and horrible intrusive thoughts isn't as real as ur weird desire to crunch cardboard

#I just??#I'm genuinely scared of my intrusive thoughts and that if I give them an inch I'll act on them #but yea sure act as if this isn't a thing that affects a lot of ppl #bun.txt

fadingsuggestion

Fuck anyone who says I have to forgive everyone, “for my sake.” I worked hard for this anger. I worked hard to love myself enough to hate them.

vivid-ellipses

Shit, yeah, this is a thing that is hard to articulate. Some people don’t feel healed by forgiving the people who hurt them, because that’s what they kept doing over and over and it only led to getting more hurt. Sometimes you feel healed when you’re finally brave enough to say “This person was horrible to me, and I did not deserve that treatment, and I don’t have to be okay with it.”