1) This is a joke that is epically long (that’s what she said), so even if you don’t like it, that’s something you should keep in mind. I’m not an actual home wrecker (nor do I legitimately plan on being one), and I’m sure you’ve thought of kicking it with a married person too. It’s all good, I obviously won’t judge you, kettle/pot.
2) I like White dudes, and a few of them happen to be Jewish. Yeah, if you know me then this means I am a fan of interracial relationships…the scandal! Anyway, I think I might make an excellent case for all of these men to be considered sexy bastards, but I’ll let you be the judge of that. You’ve been warned!
And now…here’s the list of men that I think are so delicious they should still be up for grabs after someone’s put a ring on it. I’m starting in ascending order, because I am bitch and won’t stand for appropriate dramatic build-up in this article.
If you don’t know who this wonderful man is, you live in a rock and don’t have access to Travel Channel-both of which are a shame. Por qué Señor Bourdain será numero uno? He is a damn good looking older dude, and a total wordsmith. Seriously, his witticisms make me hot and bothered. And in addition to his elite status as a cultured world traveler, he swears like a sailor-and that’s hot. Unfortunately for me, his wife is a gorgeous foreign lady and they have a little kid. But I will argue that even though giving up a nice little family would be the consequence of his adultery and my covetousness, it might be worth it. Maybe a nice American woman would do him some good. The kid will get over it, ‘nuff said.
Max of Say Anything is to die for. He is just the most appealing form of weird there is. Really, go check his band out and see for yourself if you still have yet to do so. He seems to really love his wife, but he hasn’t met me…well he did once, but my usually undeniable charms failed on him (yes, failure is possible even for me). Consequently, I was unable to prevent his walk down the aisle with my natural beauty on a blistering summer day in Phoenix. Cut me some slack! He seems to really love her (the splendid sappiness of the band’s self titled album seems to suggest this), but I think that maybe he wasn’t ready for all a ‘dis (aka jelly). Oh well, I’ll be waitin’ for the divorce!
Another frontman. Mr. Meloy fronts the especially delicious band, The Decemberists, and he has one of the most unique voices I’ve ever heard. Gotta admit, his singing had to grow on me, but now that it has, there’s no turning back. You know, they say love is a lot like that…but I won’t get philosophical now, that’s pointless. His wife is the badass responsible for their firetruckin’ awesome album art…which I honestly can’t compete with and they have a munchkin together. All that sounds like all sorts of rainbows and good times, but if I know anything, I know that every man could use a break from the pretentious artist type, and from fatherhood. I could be the best mistake he’s ever made.
Seth Rogen?! Really?!? Usually its bullshit when girls tell you that they like a dude because he’s funny-so I’ll continue my awesome track record of painful honesty. His jewfro totally gets me going, and he’s just got this overall cute thing going on: he’s lookin’ good after his weight loss (yes, mama noticed) and yeah, as an afterthought I will also include the fact that he’s hysterical. Seriously, how can you not like this guy? Fortunately for him, I haven’t creeped on him nearly as much as anyone else on this list, but the only thing wrong with his wife that I know of is that she’s not me.
Last, but certainly not least. Probably my fave now that I think about it…damn. Well he’s yet another band guy, yeah, yeah, quit your bitchin’. You have to agree that Frank be lookin’ good. He is the most delectable man from My Chemical Romance, and he is married to his high school sweetheart. Aw, how cute! And they have that whole brother-sister-looking-couple look going for them, but when he gets tired of f*cking himself, I’ll be there.