||Praise hope|| @nebulaboy - Tumblr Blog

Vagueblogging on this fine sunday pls ignore

#isn't it lovely being needed and bled for it?#it's making me crave direct violence lmao #“on your honour?” yeah or my dignity mfer apparently you're not concious of me having either but keep selling that oblivious bs #I better get fatally hit w a car or something today. God I hate this blog #this body and this fucking shift I'm carrying.

#fuck you fuck you holy fuck I should have skipped now I have to vent n compartmentalize to make my dumbass deadline aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #delete later

ink-the-artist

Grocery shopping

#picture #art

caffstrink

🥤👼⚡️

#picture #art

08-02-’20

I’m leaving for Phnom Pehn in 5 days. I’m so excited but also a little terrefied. These past few days have brought up a whole lot of family gunk that I normally try to avoid. Additionally, I’m dealing with some personal... insecurities? What if living so far away from everyone on my own awakens an isatiable need to cut myself off from my family / prompts me to move out regardless of the practical plan™? Sometimes I forget that I’m allowed to grieve the support I didn’t get, the healthy relationships that were supposed to form that cannot be re-cultivated and the person I could have been with them. So long as I don’t get stuck expecting myself to still become that person. That just ain’t possible y’know? Living compromised is hard work and sometimes I underestimate that. To the point where I considder everything healthy and capable and turn shortcomings onto myself. “Why am I always so tired?“ It’s the emotional labour. “Why does financial stress hit me so hard?“ It’s the fact that I have been responsible for maintaining a household for over four years now. “Why can’t I be more easy going?“ It’s the C-PTSD / hypervigilance.

They aren’t pity prompts. I still have to work hard or things stagnate but it’s important to not be meta-cognitively cruel to myself and to solely rely on pushing myself harder and harder. There will be a time of peace, where I can not only find myself easier but feel safe in expressing that self without compromise. Rationally, I know these things to be true but as always internalizing them is the real challenge.

#eli's musings #the stress and exhaustion have been real this past winter #But I got through most trauma anniversaries okay #I just forgot that regular life outside of that is also challenging as fuck whoops #Excited to be in the sun though #Excited to embark on a new teaching adventure

I would like to know your favorite tree pls!

Apple or Oak! I used to 'have' (not really, my dad just said it was mine for some reason?) an apple tree at my father's home and I'd climb in it and if it was a good year we'd bake apple pie together. The apple tree was small though so as I grew up I 'traded it in' for the big oak which was also in our yard. From there I could climb up to my dad's workshop and later we built a tree house all the way up top. (No nails we were nice to all trees.)

Hey thanks for the message! I don't get many nice ones like this :)

#Anon #Ask #!!!

ex0skeletal

Masks by Jym Davis

#Picture #Art #!!!

itscolossal

Snails Paint the Town in Miniature Scenes Crafted by Aleia Murawski and Sam Copeland

#Picture #Art #I follow her on insta its brilliant!

danger

#Gif #Nature

velvetvetiver

The version of you right now is deserving of love. Not you two years ago when you had more of your shit together, or the five years later version where you’ll surely be thriving. The version of you right now. The one that might just be okay, or is really struggling, or is bored and unproductive. That version deserves love. Having trouble accepting this is fine, but actively denying it is not. Your value is intrinsic, and finding confidence in that is mandatory.

#quote #Words