Just me using my safe space again. I don't know if this is discourse, this is coming from someone who is trying to learn and do their best to adapt. Civil discussion is accepted, but please don't be hostile with me; educate me.
I'm genuinely stressed because I learned a lot about bisexuality recently and what its definition was meant to be. Apparently a lot of the mspec labels are derived from phobia and even though not all who use mspec labels are phobic in any way (you'd have to ask why they chose said label), it did make me more aware of things and would make me feel bad for using an mpsec label when its definition falls under bi anyway.
I used to label myself as omni, because I did not understand what bi meant and took it in a literal sense (bi meaning two) and pan defines itself as genderblind (no preference), which to me felt like neither label fit; I can fancy all genders, but I definitely find myself attracted differently towards masculine and feminine traits.
Turns out the definition of bi was also meant to cover attraction regardless of gender, the term genderblind has been tossed for bi, and technically can cover any combination of attraction (if you like only two you fit in, if you like all genders you also fit in), but me being autistic could not wrap my head around the literal definition of bi.
But bi is referring to two options: the same gender or the gender that is not yours (which is still any).
Which narrows down to that it seems like many mspec labels are created from misunderstanding bisexuality. How I've described myself still falls under bi.
I do want to clarify I would never call someone out for their chosen label, I just now recognize that technically they could fall into the bi category, but I also get wanting to get really specific with a label. How I now see it; all of the mspec labels are basically sub-categories to bi, but by saying you are for example pansexual will immediately imply a very specific type of attraction, whereas if you say you are bi you may still have to explain how it works for you. It's similar to how asexuals sometimes choose to specify being demi even though it does fall under the ace umbrella.
But for me... I do feel like I should not use omni with my definition, because with bi's true definition, it is too close to what bi actually stands for.
So yeah... I am wondering if I should just identify as bi instead. It's kinda silly to identify with a niche label anyway, and relearning what bisexuality means... it makes sense.
Can you tell that I'm a bit in a fuss over this? I just feel so bad and it's hard to adapt (again, autistic). I need to sleep some nights over this.
And get some pride art re-done...
