☆♱🎧🫧 DREAMCHIC is an idol girl group who debuted in 2020 under FLEURY RECORDS. Known for their y2k and vintage concept and style, the group consists of the following four members: HANA, MICKEY, HAILEY, and RUO. Upon debut, the girls were met with adoration for their lively stage presence and music quality. The members were often praised for their work ethic and professional background and resume within the industry.
However, most of the love quickly turned to criticisms as the girls got deeper into their career. They were often judged for their character, Netizens taking it upon themselves to analyze their behavior and labeling them things like “selfish, entitled, and just plain rude.” They regularly are scrutinized in the media for the way that they act and are continuously trying to prove their innocence to the public, getting in their good graces again only for something else to come out.
Despite the public’s differing opinions on the girls’ attitude, that doesn’t stop DREAMCHIC from performing successfully with each comeback.
⌦ .｡.:*♡ GENERAL INFO
GROUP NAME. DREAMCHIC
COMPANY NAME. FLEURY RECORDS
DEBUT DATE. April 26, 2020
DEBUT SONG. LOVE MYSELF
FANDOM NAME. DREAMERS
GREETING. “If you can dream it, you can do it. Hi, we are DREAMCHIC!”
⌦ .｡.:*♡ THE LINEUP
01.ㅤ ⠀✿ㅤ ⠀⸺ ㅤ JOO HANA. LEADER, MAIN DANCER, LEAD RAPPER, VISUAL
02.ㅤ ⠀✿ㅤ ⠀⸺ ㅤ MICKEY MOON. MAIN RAPPER, LEAD VOCAL
03.ㅤ ⠀✿ㅤ ⠀⸺ ㅤ HAILEY SEO. LEAD VOCAL, LEAD DANCER, RAPPER
⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ BREAK THE CURSE is the second full studio album by DREAMCHIC. the album was released under fleury records on august 17, 2024. consisting of ten tracks in total, featuring its two title tracks MIDAS TOUCH and SUPERNOVA 2 and a promotional single titled 365, dreamchic went onto promote BTC for a total of ten weeks.
BTC would prove to be the quartets best performing piece of work yet, reaching over 5 million unit sales in total, 237 PAKs, and a total of 20 music show wins — midas touch with 7 wins, supernova 2 with 10 wins, and 365 with 3 wins.
this era would also become dreamchic’s longest promotional period, spanning just a little over 10 weeks. the music video for supernova 2 was released on august 14 — performed and promoted for 4 weeks. the music video for midas touch was released with the album on august 17 — performed and promoted for 4 weeks. a surprise music video for 365 was released on august 22 — performed and promoted for 2 weeks.
04. BAD ROMANCE. prod. mickey moon, addy … lyrics. mickey moon, HYORIN, hailey seo
05. CRAZY SEXY HOT. prod. kyrie han, mickey moon … lyrics. mickey moon, hailey seo, kyrie han
06. MAKE YOU CRY. prod. mickey moon, LONDON … lyrics. mickey moon, chen zhiruo
07. GUESS. prod. mickey moon, LONDON … lyrics. mickey moon, hailey seo
08. TRUTH BE TOLD. prod. addy … lyrics. mickey moon, LONDON
09. TOUCH MY BODY. prod. mickey moon, ichiro nakayama … lyrics. hailey seo
10. LET ME IN. prod. mickey moon … lyrics. mickey moon
ᯓ★ COMPOSITION, CONCEPT, AND PRODUCTION
BREAK THE CURSE is an album best defined by its hyperpop, electropop, and clubpop flare. almost all tracks were written and produced by DREAMCHIC’S main rapper and lead vocalist MICKEY MOON. mickey has went onto express that her main inspiration behind the sound and direction for the album was the clubbing and raving scene. in an interview, she states: “we’ve been working really diligently on this album for awhile now, and we felt that there was no better time to release it like now. as for the inspiration behind the creative process…” she laughs trying to choose her next words carefully. “i really got inspired by the partying scene. i wanted to make music that i could party to…i really like the vibe of raving, not—not to say that i’ve been partying or anything,” she laughs again alongside her members, attempting to explain in the best way possible. “but i would best describe this as a party album that you can play in clubs or when you just want to dance. we had a lot of fun making this album. i would say break the curse in its entirety has brought us even closer and has been our best creative session to date.”
additionally, BTC has quickly become a fan favorite and a staple in both pop culture and the music industry. the era has gotten the internet talking with the fashion choices, music videos, concepts, and lyrics. the lyrics in certain tracks have raised several brows and has been at the center of many discussions with netizens and fans alike. for example, TRACK SEVEN: GUESS, has received an abundance of love from fans, going viral, and being one of the highest charting songs on the album — peaking at #2. however, many have also questioned the lyrics. some lines in particular that created quite the stir being: “you wanna guess the color of my underwear, you wanna know what i’ve got going on down there…” these lyrics have brought the girls a lot of judgement in spite of its massive popularity. a lot of netizens even going as far as to scrutinize them for being too “provocative,” however stronger words were often used. when asked about the lyrics, mickey moon responded: “we were just messing around in the studio. ‘just having fun and, like, greatness just popped into our head regardless of the lyrics. it’s just spontaneous and fun.” though, hailey had a spicier response in comparison: “i mean, the lyrics are there! we all know what they mean but at the same time…i’m grown! so is mickey and like—it’s not like the lyrics are a lie!” the lyrics for the promo single 365 were also questioned for their ‘allusion’ to drug use (especially considering natalia hwang having a hand in the writing process) but the girls never spoke on it.
aside from this, the concepts and music videos were highly praised for the production quality and aesthetic. dreamchic utilized a concept heavily influenced by the culture and fashion of the 2000’s, most commonly a term often recognized as mcbling. below, you can find a collection of photos that emulates the overall concept for BTC:
ᯓ★ ERA NOTES
001. this era literally opened doors for the dreamchic girls. dreamchic was already a big name in their generation, but this era was something totally different. something shifted when this came out. once again, both ENVIE and DREAMCHIC were pitted against one another (nobody’s surprised) but this time was different. it felt more personal, which some fans could pick up on, due to a few incidents that happened. though it seemed to be a tough battle when both of them had comebacks only a few days apart—pre-sales only being different by half a million sales—when it was all said and done dreamchic won by a landslide! it was a victory for the girls and dreamers.
002. the promotion period was one for the books, lasting for a little over ten weeks total; filled with radio show appearances, variety show appearances, performances, music videos, commercial films, brand deals, editorials, livestreams, and so much more.
003. the members were evidently closer. not to say that they weren’t close already, but you can tell that the behind the scenes created an extremely strong bond between them. this coalition brought some solo stans together…that’s saying A LOT.
004. another thing that showed how much fun they had behind the scenes was the live listening party they hosted on FLORYVERSE. you could really see how passionate they were in the songs and how they would dance and sing along to the songs they enjoyed the most together. it was a real fun time like damn these girls are really a family 🥲
005. even though they had a lot of fun with this release, they also worked a lot. like they were being overworked but they didn’t complain. all the months before were literally all just dedicated to producing, writing, dance rehearsals, filming, etc. very little time for sleeping and eating, just sneaking in naps and snacks on set or for a couple of minutes in between rehearsals.
006. all members except hana took part in writing at least one track on the album. mickey, of course, wrote and produced all tracks (aside from truth be told though she did take part in writing it). hailey has credits on four tracks and ruo has credits on one track but she’s also participated in a lot of decision making when it came to composition. but where hana lacked in the writing department, she had a hand in choreographing. though they had a choreographer, it was left to hana to revise the demos for 365, SUPERNOVA 2, and MIDAS TOUCH.
🎮 - what was their favorite hobby? do they still like it?
📼⋆.˚🎧 [ HANA ] ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ANSWERED !
“um…i used to really like collecting manga and albums when i was younger. does that count as a hobby?” hana asks. “i still try to collect them in my spare time! i own around 500 mangas and only about 60 albums. some of my albums from when i was in high school got lost when we moved dorms,” hana sadly informs.
🩷 - what is the most down bad thing they've done for somebody?
📼⋆.˚🎧 [ HAILEY ] ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ANSWERED !
“the most down bad thing?” hailey repeats, almost instantly cringing as she shuffles between memories in her mind. “pretty much anything i’ve done for armani when he, in fact, did not deserve it. but specifically? i bought him his dream car for his birthday and the next day got sent images of him and another girl,” hailey laughs through the irritation. “if it makes it any better i beat his ass and i drive it more than he does now.”
👤 - what is their type? ❤️ - what are traits they find themselves attracted to? 🫴🏻 - have they ever been attracted to a friend? 🩷 - what is the most down bad thing they've done for somebody? 💐 - do they usually confess to the other? 🪷 - what is a fear they have, regarding love? 💔 - how did they experience their first heartbreak? ❤️🩹 - how was their first love? 💞 - biggest sacrifice they've done for love? 🕯️ - their ideal date? 📜 - how do they feel about commitment? ✨ - do they believe in love at first sight? 🪐 - are they the jealous type?
topic : childhood.
👪 - do they have a good relationship with their family? 👶 - do they have any siblings? 👉 - is there anybody from their family they look up to? 📖 - did they get a proper education? 🤝 - did they have many friends growing up? are they still friends? 💥 - did they get bullied growing up? 🎯 - any nicknames growing up? how did they feel about them? 🏆 - biggest achievement as a child? 📝 - how did they feel about school? 🎮 - what was their favorite hobby? do they still like it? 🏠 - what was their childhood home like? 🧸 - any comfort item from their childhood they still have?
topic : morals.
🎲 - have their morals changed over time? if so, why or bc of what? 💌 - how do they deal with making a hard decision? 🪞 - would they consider themselves a good person? 🦢 - are they quick to forgive or do they hold a grudge? ❓ - how important is honesty to them? ⚠️ - have they ever betrayed someone? 🌷 - do they feel a lot of empathy? 🗣️ - are they good at keeping a secret? ☕️ - have they ever acted against their own morals? how did they justify it?
— inspired by @charmymemes , hope this was helpful!
and i love you so much i’m going to let you kill me.
FEATURED. lee kiyeon, ying jiali, fuckass jaxon park, very briefly mickey moon
WARNINGS. domestic violence, physical violence, mentions of poor eating habits and iffy relationships with food, this isn’t proofread so i’m very sorry for any errors i may’ve missed 🙏🏾 if i missed anything, please don’t hesitate to let me know!
WORD COUNT. 2.8k
Kiyeon follows the rhythm of the music playing in her headphones, singing lyrics she’s heard about umpteen times in the last hour playing over and over. She hopes that this is the final take in her head. She pushes out the last words, finishing with a melodic high note. She almost holds her breath as the beat comes to an end, her eyes searching for signs of satisfaction on the older girl sitting outside the booth with a leather jacket on, the arms loosely hanging off of either shoulder. When a smile reaches her face, a wave of relief washes over Kiyeon.
“You did great today, Kiyeon,” Mickey praises with a nod.
Kiyeon gives a weak grin, taking off the headphones and propping them back on the rack beside the microphone. She exits the studio booth, shoulders slightly slumped and sunken into herself. “Thanks,” she replies, looking at her through tired eyes.
“Are you okay?” Mickey asks, her beam melting into a look of concern.
“Yeah, totally. I’m just tired,” she dismisses. However, her body quickly rejects her statement when her eyes begin to water ever-so-slightly.
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Mickey’s tone grows in worry.
“No—no, I’m really tired,” Kiyeon reiterates, her voice cracking this time as the tears fully develop and fall down her plump cheeks. Mickey gently cups her face. “I’m really tired.”
“It’s okay, baby. You’re okay,” Mickey soothes as Kiyeon melts into her touch. “I know you’re tired but you’re doing so good.”
The tears seem to come at full force when Mickey says that. She doesn’t know why, but she felt her heart swell in a bizarre way knowing that someone thinks she’s doing well.
“You’re, like, amazing,” Mickey continues, staring directly into her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Kiyeon apologizes through sniffles. “I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s okay to cry, so you won’t be pent up, you know?” She reassures. “It’s okay.”
Kiyeon nods.
“Okay?” Mickey says, awaiting a response.
“Okay,” Kiyeon nods once more.
Kiyeon doesn’t know when she started trusting Mickey so much. Maybe it’s when she started producing for the group. Maybe it was after the time she had a personalized cake delivered to her dressing room when she and Jiali made their sub-unit debut. Or maybe it was when Mickey was the only person to check on her after having to break up every fight in the dorm.
All she knows is that sometimes, Mickey seems like someone that she could love. She feels a sense of ease when she’s under her. And even though Mickey seems like a person that Kiyeon could love, she always stops herself right at the almost mark, because she knows that there’s someone else in Mickey’s heart. She just knows it. And she can’t subject herself to be number two, first runner up, second place again. She already has too much experience with that in her life and she’s been hurt enough. So she figures that if she keeps herself closed off enough, when the day comes that Mickey’s first choice ultimately realizes that this is what she wants, it’ll stop her heart from shattering as it has so many times before.
“You just need some rest,” Mickey reasons. She leans down and plants a gentle peck on Kiyeon’s lips, one that makes the younger girl immediately break out into a smile through the now drying tears. Kiyeon nods, beginning to pick up an empty water bottle before she’s ultimately stopped by the older girl.
“Don’t worry about this,” she says. “Just go back to your dorm, get some sleep, and I’ll take care of everything here.”
“Okay. Thank you, Haneul,” Kiyeon sweetly says, a blush creeping up her face. Before she heads to the door, she places a kiss on Mickey’s cheek.
Mickey grins. “And don’t forget to eat tonight! It’s not like Yejun’s living in your walls. One meal won’t show tomorrow.”
Sometimes it feels like Yejun is living in their walls. Somehow he always can tell when they’ve done something that he wouldn’t advise them to do. It gets tiring after some time.
Kiyeon bids one last wave to her as she exits the recording studio, closing the door behind her.
Kiyeon has been tired for a while now. The comeback periods are always stressful and exhausting. Yejun and their manager, Donghyun, are already very stressful to exist around in their own right. They’ll hound you until there’s nothing left. Kiyeon can feel herself wearing down to the marrow.
She takes the elevator down to the lower level of the company building. It’s eerily quiet, only a few stragglers left in the late of the night. She feels her heart pump rapidly in her chest as she nears the exit. She puts on her face mask before walking out, rushing through the garage area to the sidewalk, and hurriedly walking from the sidewalk until she meets the entrance of their apartment complex. She digs into her bag with urgency, pulling out the key card to open the door and finally enter, quickly closing it behind her. She’s finally able to take a deep breath once she’s all the way in. Kiyeon’s never really liked walking around at night on her own. She would be embarrassed to admit it, though.
She slows her pace as she makes her way into the elevator and up to the third floor. The elevator dings signaling her arrival and a sense of relief washes over her. She’s never been more excited to be home, to be honest. She’s just ready to lay down and for what feels like the first time in ages, go to sleep.
She waltzes through the hall until she gets to a door that has the numbers ‘307’ engraved in perfect gold letters. She bends down, slightly lifting the welcome mat in front of the door and searching for the spare key Yana left there earlier. However, she’s surprised to find that the key isn’t there. She figures one of the members must’ve beaten her to it. She digs up her personal key from her bag and opens the door. All the lights are off save for the warm one bleeding from underneath Jiali’s bedroom door into the hall.
Kiyeon so badly wants to just lie down, completely neglecting her growling stomach but Mickey’s stern voice rings in her head. ‘It’s not like Yejun’s living in your walls. One meal won’t show tomorrow.’
She sighs at the fact that her words stick so strongly to her. Mickey probably doesn’t even listen to those words herself. She knows how seriously Mickey takes her job. Her perfectionism almost rivals Kiyeon’s. Keyword: almost.
Kiyeon drags her feet to the kitchen, searching the pantry and fridge for something to suffice. Her options are between a cup of ramen and a half eaten bowl of leftover rice and vegetables. The sodium in ramen usually makes her face puff up by the morning, so she opts for the latter. She places the food in the microwave and puts it on for one minute. As she’s standing in front of the microwave waiting, she hears faint bickering, most likely coming from Jiali’s room. Per usual, she thinks, shaking her head in disapproval.
The boy isn’t even supposed to be here. They made a rule against her boyfriend still coming over, but she supposes Jiali thought she could sneak him in while everyone was gone. Kiyeon is too tired to do anything about it right now. They’ll just have to have that talk when the sun comes up.
Once the microwave reaches only one second left, she stops it, not wanting the annoying beeping sound to go off. She takes the bowl out, gets a spoon, and heads to her room. Her mother would probably rip her hair out if she knew that Kiyeon was eating in her room. She was always adamant on not bringing food to the room. But she’s been straying away from a lot of her mothers old rules and regulations lately.
Kiyeon doesn’t bother to turn her room light on, she just snuggles up in a corner of her bed in the dark and begins to eat spoonfuls of her food. She realizes she may’ve been underestimating her hunger and regrets getting such a small portion of food but she continues to eat anyway. Getting closer to finishing the meal, she slowly begins to doze off with the bowl sitting in her blanketed lap.
As her eyes flutter open and closed, drifting in between sleep and consciousness. But there’s a scuffling sound that makes Kiyeon’s ears perk up, followed by a thud and a concerning scream. Kiyeon immediately opens her eyes, jumping up and accidentally making a mess of the crumbs left in the glass bowl.
She runs out of her room and to Jiali’s room. She opens the door with urgency, flinging open wildly. She feels a breath get caught in her throat at the scene playing out before her. She sees Jaxon with a deranged look on his face, his hand full with Jiali’s bleached hair.
“Get the fuck off of her!” Kiyeon screams.
Jaxon turns around toward Kiyeon, though never loosening his firm grip on Jiali. “Stay out of this!”
“I’m giving you five seconds to get the fuck away from her, you fucking psycho,” she threatens through gritted teeth, stepping closer to the pair.
“Kiyeon, stop! Don’t come any closer,” Jiali weakly protests.
“Mind your fucking business or so help me God…” he barks, his eyes now challenging the younger girl.
“Jaxon, please don’t hurt her,” Jiali pleads, causing him to look down at her.
“You put her in this predicament,” he blames, his grip tightening. She winces. “If you could just put someone besides yourself first, you wouldn’t be here right now and she…” he trails off.
Kiyeon takes this moment as the time to search for something—anything that could help right now. Her eyes frantically scan Jiali’s dresser and they widen once they stop on a clear vase housing a cluster of close-to-wilted flowers. She grabs them as gently as her adrenaline will allow her to and without thinking twice, she takes action.
Jiali winces harshly at the loud sound of glass breaking all over her floor. Kiyeon didn’t even know that she had that much strength to be able to break a glass vase over a man’s head. She didn’t even know she had the guts to act so quickly in the moment, but once the ball started rolling it was almost hard for it to stop.
Jaxon falls to the floor with an aggressive grunt, his head bleeding from the broken glass. “You bitch!”
Kiyeon says nothing before pushing him even more to the ground and getting on top of him, legs on either side of his abdomen. She forms tight fists with her hands and begins to slam into his face with all her might, putting all of her body weight onto him to try and keep him down. She can feel all the anger in her boil up and spill out into her hits.
“Kiyeon, stop!” Jiali yells again, tears streaming down her face.
Kiyeon can’t hear past the sound of blood pumping in her ears. She can’t even feel the large scars on her knuckles or see the blood trickling down her fingers.
Before she’s able to get another blow to his face, Jaxon musters up the strength he has left considering his dizzied state and takes a firm grasp at her wrist. He flips her over, stealing the position she was in over him. He presses all of his weight down onto her, restricting her from breathing to full capacity.
“Please, get off of her!” Jiali sobs.
Her head hits the floor with a thud. She uses her single free hand to punch at his chest until he captures that one too, pinning her to the ground. He hasn’t a single clue what he’s going to do from here on out. He stares down at Kiyeon with an aberrant expression on his face. She aggressively squirms beneath him.
As if an idea pops into his head, his hands move from her wrists to her throat, tightly wrapped around her neck. Kiyeon feels tears swell in her eyes at the feeling of him squeezing with more and more strength by the second.
“Stop, Jaxon! Stop!” Jiali strikes his back, pushing and kicking as an attempt to get him off of her but he’s as solid as a rock. He pays no attention to Jiali, fully closing in on Kiyeon.
Jiali feels her heart get caught in her throat with so much panic in her chest. All she can think about is losing Kiyeon. She can’t lose Kiyeon. She doesn’t even know how she would live without Kiyeon. She hits harder. When Jaxon threatened to kill her that night, whose room door did she knock on? Kiyeon. When she felt like she didn’t have anything left to give, who held her until she stopped crying? Kiyeon. And who made the rule that Jaxon couldn’t come back to the dorms to protect not only Jiali, but all of the girls? Kiyeon. And what did Jiali do to repay her? Practically shunned her. And that’s exactly how Kiyeon ended up in this position. This is all her fault.
Kiyeon can’t think much of anything, right now. Her mind is clouded with the thought of how she’s going to survive. She can see black and blurry spots cloud her vision, she can slightly see Jiali behind him, slamming into him, but it’s all disfigured. She shifts her eyes to the left, being met with a cluster of stuffed animals that couldn’t fit on her bed lying on the floor. She shifts her eyes to the right. She never realized how close she was to Jiali’s dresser.
She looks near the edge of it and sees something glistening and silver with a pink handle. She has one chance of survival, she thinks. She has to do this right. She closes her eyes tightly and prepares herself. She uses what little energy she has left and sinks her teeth into the closest piece of his skin she could: the section separating his hand and wrist. He yells at the sharp nip, loosening his grip on her and she takes that as her opportunity to pull the object down from the dresser and immediately jams it into his arm.
“Fuck!” He shrieks in pain, falling backwards.
Kiyeon scoots from underneath him, positioning herself to get closer. She stabs again, this time at his abdomen. And again, and again, and again—Jiali grabs her arm.
Suddenly, she can hear again. Suddenly, she’s able to see again. Suddenly, she’s able to feel again. Kiyeon takes a look at the man writhing around on the floor. She sees the deep shade of crimson in small puddles beneath him. He struggles to stand, stumbling with each ragged step.
He finally makes his way to the doorframe, using it to help keep his balance. “Ji—Jiali. How…how could you really let this happen to me?”
Jiali says nothing. She has nothing to say. She’s at a loss for words at the scene she’s just witnessed. “You know me. You know I wasn’t going to kill her.”
Jaxon’s right. Jiali does know him. So she knows that she should be scared of Jaxon. There’s nothing Jaxon wouldn’t do when he’s blinded by his rage and pride.
“But now I can’t guarantee,” he bleats. “And I can’t guarantee that I’ll let you forget this.”
“Just leave,” Kiyeon responds, trying to come off fiercely but it falls out feebly through gritted teeth. “Corny bitch.”
“I’ll be back.” With that, he staggers out of her doorway and into the living room and out the front door.
Jiali quickly runs to push her door shut, locking it behind her. Kiyeon weakly falls to the bed, taking a deep breath for what feels like the first time in years. She closes her eyes, suddenly becoming all too aware of the cuts littering her skin.
Jiali comes to her side, wrapping her arms around her immediately. “Are you okay?” She asks, tears clouding her vision.
Kiyeon nods, not having much strength to speak.
“I’m so sorry,” she sobs. The guilt is weighing down her like a ton. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Kiyeon soothes, sitting up slowly but wincing through the aches.
“No it’s not okay. This is all my fault,” Jiali cries. “Look at your legs,” she points at the small lacerations all over her thighs and knees that she got from the pieces of broken glass all over her room. “And…” she starts but her voice falters.
“And you have his blood all over you,” she quietly says. She looks at the floor. His blood is on the floor, too. You would think someone died there. “It’s everywhere.”
Kiyeon grabs Jiali’s hand, rubbing soothing circles into the soft of her palm.
“It’s okay, seriously. He’s gone, we’ll change the locks. I can cover this stuff with makeup,” Kiyeon reasons, gesturing to her body. “I’m gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay.”
Jiali nods, listening to the younger girl as she stares into her wide eyes. She squeezes her hand once more. “We’re gonna be okay.”
SUMMARY. in which hana knows it’s over but it won’t die.
WARNINGS. very heavy piece, sexual assault trauma, ptsd symptoms, angst, there is no sexual assault explicitly described but it is heavily implied and a prevalent theme in this piece, please mind the tags !
NOTES. another reupload ! hope y’all enjoy <3
Hana finds herself hiding a lot now. She doesn’t want to take up too much space. She doesn’t want people to see her the way she feels. She talks less because she’s not sure if she even wants to be heard. She does less because she doesn’t know what she’s doing anymore.
She feels alone because she has no one.
She wants to be held but she doesn’t want to be touched. She wants so much but at the same time she wants nothing at all—nothing at all except to curl up into a ball and die. She wants to be nothing at all.
Hana sits in her bed in a crisscross position. In her lap sits a notepad and in her hand is a pen. There’s nothing that she wants to think about in between her ears, just the blaring of the music coming from her earphones. She scribbles words onto the paper, repeating over and over: ‘I DON’T KNOW,’ written with reckless abandon. She thought that if she wrote what she felt instead of trying to say it she would feel better. Turns out she couldn’t put her feelings into writing, either.
How can you feel better when you don’t know the root of the problem? How can you understand what’s wrong with you when you don’t know where to begin?
She couldn’t get in touch with any of her emotions so another one began to form over time: Rage. Pure and unadulterated rage. She can feel its hands claw at her skin and peel it off. She can feel it’s tight hold on her heart, weighing it down by tons. She feels it sinking like a ship at sea on a stormy night. Her heart was stuck in this place, stuck in a moment in time that it couldn’t move past.
And she tried to make her heart move on but everything—everyone always took her back to this place. Why didn’t it ever fade it into a distant memory? Why was it always happening? Again and again. She’s done feeling it, she shouldn’t have to feel it anymore.
‘It’s over,’ she tells herself. She covers her ears and closes her eyes, shrinking into herself. ‘It’s over,’ she repeats.
It’s over. It’s over. It’s over.
A knock on the door startles her. Her breathing speeds up and heart beats violently in her chest. She can feel it in her throat, her heartbeat.
“Hana?” A voice is soft on the other side of the door.
Hana says nothing. She doesn’t want the company, but she knows she can do nothing to control it anyway. Much like most of the things in her life; completely out of her control.
The door opens slowly, revealing Mickey’s figure. She steps in, closing the door gently behind her. She studies the girl, taking in her image. She doesn’t know what to say to Hana anymore. She can see that Hana’s hurting but she feels like she can't do anything to fix it. She didn’t know how to help.
“Hey, we just ordered some donuts,” she informs. “It’s your favorite. Krispy Kreme.”
Krispy Kreme was her favorite. She loved glazed donuts, especially warmed up with a glass of cold milk. Homemade meals were comfort foods for everyone else but for Hana, the only food that could bring her comfort was the mellowness of a soft, warm donut in the pit of her empty stomach.
Hana nods, quickly looking up at her and then back into her lap.
“We were…” Mickey starts but her voice falters for some reason. Hana takes her earbuds out of her ears, cradling them in the palms of her hands. “We were just about to put on a movie.”
She nods again.
“It seems like a Disney day. We were thinking ‘Aladdin.’”
Mickey is making this interaction more painful than it has to be. For both of them. She knows that Hana won’t say anything. But she still tries. Everyone thinks it’s useless for her to keep trying, but Mickey is tireless. She would never be able to forgive herself if she just ‘stopped trying.’
“You’ve picked up a little artistry here, huh?” Mickey jests. “What’ve you been writing?”
She not-so-sneakily takes a peek at her paper, eyeing the words written down. Her hopeful smile is replaced with one of sympathy. Her eyes wear a concerned look, feeling wet almost immediately.
“Listen. Hana, if you ever need to talk…um, I’m right next door,” Mickey says.
“My door is always open.”
Hana flashes a tight-lipped smile at her. She nods. The doors are open but is she ready to go through them? Will she ever be ready? If she walks through those doors, that means she’ll have to talk about it. And talking about it—actually talking about it with someone who isn’t the blurred version of her in her head would make it more real than she felt it had to be.
All this time she’d been able to pretend, even if just for a moment, that the girl he did that to wasn’t her. She was able to disassociate herself from that person.
She looks up at Mickey and nods once again.
“I know.”
Mickey grins at her.
“If you need something let me know,” she reminds before heading back to the door and exiting, gently shutting the door behind her.
Hana’s eyes shift across her room as the girl leaves. They land on a picture sitting atop her bedside table. It’s a picture of her and Zhiruo, displayed in a pale yellow frame. She looks at old pictures of herself and can’t even recognize her. She has no recollection of who that girl is, for all she knows she’s never seen her a day in her life.
She has no memory of when she was that okay. She has no memory of anything that happened before it happened. All she knows it’s that it’s over and that’s all she keeps telling herself.
Hana covers her ears and closes her eyes, shrinking into herself. ‘It’s over,’ she repeats.
𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪. I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT … A JOO HANA STORY
SUMMARY. in which hana isn’t entirely sure what happened that night, and she’s not sure she wants to recall.
FEATURED. joo hana, jaxon park
WARNINGS. sexual assault, this piece is extremely heavy, so i’d advise against continuing past the read more if this topic is too triggering for you. take care of yourself and i’ll see you in the next piece! 🩵
NOTES. hi! yes this is a repost…i recently made a psa saying that everything i wrote about hana before the revamp is still canon and this is one of the pieces from then, so i’ll be updating until we’re caught up with the CURRENT plot !
Hana doesn’t know how she ended up here, on a tour bus with some indie band she barely even knew. All she knows is that her manager is friends with them and that they seem to have taken a liking to her when they met at the bar. She was there for a drink with Mickey who told her not to come with these guys. However, Hana was a free spirit and it was hard to change her mind once it’s been made.
“So you guys really tour around and stuff?” Hana asked in awe, her mouth agape as she picked up each of their records, examining them.
The leader of the band, Jaxon, nodded, looking back at the girl for a split second before returning his attention back to the road.
“That’s really cool,” Hana smiled. “You know, we didn’t get to go on tour yet. I can’t wait until we do, it’ll be, like, so cool,” she raves.
She really can’t wait for her and the group to start holding concerts. Ever since she became a trainee, she wished to perform for a pool of people that adore her. She wants to be adored. She wants to become the thing she looked up to the most when she was younger. She wants to make her teen years worth it and her younger self proud.
“Your band name...it sounds really hardcore. You sure you’re not a heavy metal band?” Hana questions, receiving nothing but a chuckle from the drummer beside her.
“Kid, you ask a lot of questions,” Jaxon says. His voice is husky and that appeals to Hana. She always appeals to these types of guys. They’re always mysterious, bad boys that you shouldn’t trust but Hana always does.
“I’m sorry, am I bothering you?” She genuinely apologizes.
“No, I like the curious kind.” And curious she was. She was the type of curious that would get her into all types of trouble that she could’ve avoided if she simply minded her business.
“I’m glad,” she bats her eyelashes, blushing ever-so-slightly.
One hand still on the wheel, the other snaking into Hana’s lap, caressing her thigh. She gets a weird feeling in her tummy from that. It makes her flinch a bit but she tries to ease under his touch. For some reason she trusts him even though she knows she shouldn’t. She always goes for the bad boys. The ones like these who probably have a gaggle of girls waiting for him when he gets back home but she just happens to be the one he chooses to be his main. It makes her feel special.
Jaxon leans forward a bit, turning the volume of the radio up and returning it to its spot on Hana’s leg.
“You’re really pretty, y’know that, right?” He says, the bus now coming to a halt in a forest that bores a violently dark shade of green. She hadn’t even realized where they had been going. The thrill had blinded her and his words fogged her mind.
The outliers of her heart fluttered, much like the faint tint of pink blooming in her cheeks. She feels nervous in a strange way. She can feel pressure weighing down on her heart. She hears her own heartbeat and it makes her wonder if they can hear it too. It makes her all the more nervous.
“Thank you,” she shyly replies, looking into her hands that pull at one another. It’s one of her many habits.
Jaxon seemingly gets closer to her face, his breath tickling her cheek with every inch he ventured. Though dark, she discovered every facial feature of his that she wasn’t able to see before. He grins as his hand reaches to the side of her face and cups it and Hana gains the want to move backward. The grip of his fists, however, allows her no room for opposition.
He kisses her lips in an odd fashion before leaning back in and kissing them in a way that feels as if it would leave bruises. Hana winces. The air is simultaneously getting thinner and thicker in a miraculous way and it makes her feel nauseous.
Jaxon’s arms go to her waist and pull her with might into his lap. His hands roam on their own account and things move too fast for Hana. She was panicking and her heart was racing. Frankly, she was scared to say no but she wanted to. She really did.
She pulls away, “Jaxon—” he cuts her off by forcing their lips to meet again. She feels his hands move, picking at her body through and under clothes. She knows that she tells him to stop but he doesn’t. His hands continue to roam and her throat lets out a pitiful shriek and her vision goes a blur.
Everything is blurred when bad things happen to Hana. It’s a reactive response she’s adopted. She usually represses bad memories, letting them fade into the background until one random day in the distant future she remembers it and shrugs it off without care. But this — this was different. This wasn’t just a memory nor something that could ever be repressed. This was something that she simply couldn’t forget and she hated that.
It’s almost like no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t think of anything else. There were no distractions big enough to mask what just happened. There was nothing that could ever make her not recall every moment, play by play, that just went down.
It’s dark and cold and her face is stained with tears and melted makeup. She tried to look pretty today but left a disheveled mess. She feels dirty.
The walk back home is silent save for small cries that slipped through.
She fumbles with her house keys before finally retrieving them from her bag and opening the door. The air is cold when it hits her skin. The air conditioner never got turned off before all the girls went to bed. There’s no noise, nothing save for the blow from the AC. Nobody’s TV is playing, nobody left over sleeping on the couch because they accidentally fell asleep there. It’s like on this specific night, everything is different.
She locks the door behind her.
Hana pulls her shoes off one by one and they drop to the floor, each making a thud when they reach the glossy wooden surface.
She doesn’t bother taking her clothes off or her makeup off. She just goes straight to the second room across the hall. Her body looks lifeless as she plops herself onto the bed and her eyes look empty as though they haven’t a thought behind them. But yet, a single tear slips out as she lies behind the shorter girl.
“Hana?” Mickey turns over slightly to look at her, still half asleep.
Hana says nothing and just buries her face into Mickey’s back. Mickey’s eyes open wider and she flips over on her back to get a better look at her. Hana closes her eyes tightly and winces when she feels Mickey’s gaze fall over her. She doesn’t say anything.
“Hana, are you okay?” Her voice is still thick with sleep but laced with concern.
Hana says nothing again. She nods softly and gets under the thick blanket. Mickey scoots forward so that she can get under the blanket more.
Mickey faces the girl, then getting closer and wrapping her arms around her. Hana buries her face into her chest and they lay there for the rest of the night. They don’t say anything, just both wondering about the same thing.
𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪. I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT … A JOO HANA STORY
SUMMARY. in which hana isn’t entirely sure what happened that night, and she’s not sure she wants to recall.
FEATURED. joo hana, jaxon park
WARNINGS. sexual assault, this piece is extremely heavy, so i’d advise against continuing past the read more if this topic is too triggering for you. take care of yourself and i’ll see you in the next piece! 🩵
NOTES. hi! yes this is a repost…i recently made a psa saying that everything i wrote about hana before the revamp is still canon and this is one of the pieces from then, so i’ll be updating until we’re caught up with the CURRENT plot !
Hana doesn’t know how she ended up here, on a tour bus with some indie band she barely even knew. All she knows is that her manager is friends with them and that they seem to have taken a liking to her when they met at the bar. She was there for a drink with Mickey who told her not to come with these guys. However, Hana was a free spirit and it was hard to change her mind once it’s been made.
“So you guys really tour around and stuff?” Hana asked in awe, her mouth agape as she picked up each of their records, examining them.
The leader of the band, Jaxon, nodded, looking back at the girl for a split second before returning his attention back to the road.
“That’s really cool,” Hana smiled. “You know, we didn’t get to go on tour yet. I can’t wait until we do, it’ll be, like, so cool,” she raves.
She really can’t wait for her and the group to start holding concerts. Ever since she became a trainee, she wished to perform for a pool of people that adore her. She wants to be adored. She wants to become the thing she looked up to the most when she was younger. She wants to make her teen years worth it and her younger self proud.
“Your band name...it sounds really hardcore. You sure you’re not a heavy metal band?” Hana questions, receiving nothing but a chuckle from the drummer beside her.
“Kid, you ask a lot of questions,” Jaxon says. His voice is husky and that appeals to Hana. She always appeals to these types of guys. They’re always mysterious, bad boys that you shouldn’t trust but Hana always does.
“I’m sorry, am I bothering you?” She genuinely apologizes.
“No, I like the curious kind.” And curious she was. She was the type of curious that would get her into all types of trouble that she could’ve avoided if she simply minded her business.
“I’m glad,” she bats her eyelashes, blushing ever-so-slightly.
One hand still on the wheel, the other snaking into Hana’s lap, caressing her thigh. She gets a weird feeling in her tummy from that. It makes her flinch a bit but she tries to ease under his touch. For some reason she trusts him even though she knows she shouldn’t. She always goes for the bad boys. The ones like these who probably have a gaggle of girls waiting for him when he gets back home but she just happens to be the one he chooses to be his main. It makes her feel special.
Jaxon leans forward a bit, turning the volume of the radio up and returning it to its spot on Hana’s leg.
“You’re really pretty, y’know that, right?” He says, the bus now coming to a halt in a forest that bores a violently dark shade of green. She hadn’t even realized where they had been going. The thrill had blinded her and his words fogged her mind.
The outliers of her heart fluttered, much like the faint tint of pink blooming in her cheeks. She feels nervous in a strange way. She can feel pressure weighing down on her heart. She hears her own heartbeat and it makes her wonder if they can hear it too. It makes her all the more nervous.
“Thank you,” she shyly replies, looking into her hands that pull at one another. It’s one of her many habits.
Jaxon seemingly gets closer to her face, his breath tickling her cheek with every inch he ventured. Though dark, she discovered every facial feature of his that she wasn’t able to see before. He grins as his hand reaches to the side of her face and cups it and Hana gains the want to move backward. The grip of his fists, however, allows her no room for opposition.
He kisses her lips in an odd fashion before leaning back in and kissing them in a way that feels as if it would leave bruises. Hana winces. The air is simultaneously getting thinner and thicker in a miraculous way and it makes her feel nauseous.
Jaxon’s arms go to her waist and pull her with might into his lap. His hands roam on their own account and things move too fast for Hana. She was panicking and her heart was racing. Frankly, she was scared to say no but she wanted to. She really did.
She pulls away, “Jaxon—” he cuts her off by forcing their lips to meet again. She feels his hands move, picking at her body through and under clothes. She knows that she tells him to stop but he doesn’t. His hands continue to roam and her throat lets out a pitiful shriek and her vision goes a blur.
Everything is blurred when bad things happen to Hana. It’s a reactive response she’s adopted. She usually represses bad memories, letting them fade into the background until one random day in the distant future she remembers it and shrugs it off without care. But this — this was different. This wasn’t just a memory nor something that could ever be repressed. This was something that she simply couldn’t forget and she hated that.
It’s almost like no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t think of anything else. There were no distractions big enough to mask what just happened. There was nothing that could ever make her not recall every moment, play by play, that just went down.
It’s dark and cold and her face is stained with tears and melted makeup. She tried to look pretty today but left a disheveled mess. She feels dirty.
The walk back home is silent save for small cries that slipped through.
She fumbles with her house keys before finally retrieving them from her bag and opening the door. The air is cold when it hits her skin. The air conditioner never got turned off before all the girls went to bed. There’s no noise, nothing save for the blow from the AC. Nobody’s TV is playing, nobody left over sleeping on the couch because they accidentally fell asleep there. It’s like on this specific night, everything is different.
She locks the door behind her.
Hana pulls her shoes off one by one and they drop to the floor, each making a thud when they reach the glossy wooden surface.
She doesn’t bother taking her clothes off or her makeup off. She just goes straight to the second room across the hall. Her body looks lifeless as she plops herself onto the bed and her eyes look empty as though they haven’t a thought behind them. But yet, a single tear slips out as she lies behind the shorter girl.
“Hana?” Mickey turns over slightly to look at her, still half asleep.
Hana says nothing and just buries her face into Mickey’s back. Mickey’s eyes open wider and she flips over on her back to get a better look at her. Hana closes her eyes tightly and winces when she feels Mickey’s gaze fall over her. She doesn’t say anything.
“Hana, are you okay?” Her voice is still thick with sleep but laced with concern.
Hana says nothing again. She nods softly and gets under the thick blanket. Mickey scoots forward so that she can get under the blanket more.
Mickey faces the girl, then getting closer and wrapping her arms around her. Hana buries her face into her chest and they lay there for the rest of the night. They don’t say anything, just both wondering about the same thing.
