âOh. Ooooh!! My bad, baby!â Jupiter burst into a set of giggles at Nedâs drawl, able to recognize a kiki quip. Or, well the old fashioned variation on one. Then again, maybe the dude was just English. Regardless, she laughed along, not really caring but certainly entertained.  âWhereâs my manners. Iâm basically the age I look - which is thirty-five, in case youâre wondering.â Â
Not that Jupiter cared about telling people the truth - good black donât crack, and she sometimes loved amaaaaazing people with her real age. The compliments of âgirl you donât look 40-whatever!â. But she figured old Ned deserved a Golden Girls moment. Â
âAre you high-class? Sorry, I could never really tell the difference of English accents, but I know thereâs a lot. Is that insulting? Itâs such a tiny country with so many big ideas of itself.â She pat Baronerâs thick neck though.  âYouâre a good goatie, Baroner! We like you.â
Until Baroner got spooked, and then Jupiterâs tune suddenly changed.  âBad goatie! Bad boy, stop it this instant - oop!â Ned managed to swing up to sit behind her on Baroner though, and she leaned forward, gripping the goatâs shaggy mane.  âOooh lord, this ride is bouncy. Watch your jewels Ned!â
When Baroner skidded to a stop, Jupiter half-stood, trying to peer down the crevasse.  âGo down? That? You sure thatâll wor - eep!!â
The wildcat was close now, prowling in that predator way around Baroner, ready to pounce. Before Jupiter had a chance to push a slap of air or anything, it seemed Baroner had it under control.
A loud, panicking bleat and then - boot.
The goatâs hind leg kicked back, hoof connecting right with the wildcat and sending the poor thing flying in the air, straight down into the crevasse. Its loud yowl drowned out the further it fell. No sploot noise or anything thankfully, but Jupiter remained shocked and silent. She turned fully on Baroner then, to stare at Ned. Â
âMâokay, well. I guess goats areâŠreal good at kicking?â
religious fanaticism cw, racism cw
Jupiter spoke at a dizzying pace -- for Ned, anyhow, accustomed to slower-paced people and a lot of solitude over the past twenty years. He didnât mind it, though. Being back on the beach (even if it was a different beach) meant becoming accustomed to people again and Jupiter was -- neverminding the strange circumstances -- cheerful company.
âIâm not posh in the slightest, love,â Ned protested. âAny Englishman worth his salt would know me for common the minute I opened my mouth. But donât worry, Iâm not insulted -- I donât get riled that easy, me.âÂ
Baroner had been christened, but Jupiter seemed to like calling him goatie and Ned latched on to that instead, grunting as the ride got rougher, âGoatie here seems a right nutcracker. But right now Iâm more concerned about that wildcat or this ravine, the devil and the deep blue sea--â
The goat had that in hand, though, or rather ... hoof. The wildcatâs noise diminished comically as it sailed down into the ravine, the only sound as both Jupiter and Ned witnessed its fall and the giant goatâs taking a few steps back from the lip of the crevasse. âBugger me,â Ned said.Â
--and then nothing made sense anymore.Â
Not that it had been making a whole lot of sense up till then, but when Edmund found himself astride an enormous goat with the blackest woman heâd ever seen in person, he did almost fall off. And then he leapt off, skuttering backwards and crossing himself three times in rapid succession. âSaints preserve us!â he barked, scraping his longish blond hair back behind his ears. âChrist in heaven, save thy humble son from this--â he stared at the dark woman sitting astride the slot-eyed goat, unnatural and giant and unholy, â--this servant of Lucifer! Guide them back down to Hell and away from this land!âÂ
Edmund looked towards the ravine. He had no idea where he was but he knew what a Satanic apparition looked like when he saw one, and he knew what he had to do. âBlasphemous beast,â Edmund said, stepping forward and holding his hand up in front of him in the Christogram, âI consign thee return to the pit, return to perdition, and to take thy rider with thee, to bear Babylon the Whore back to the waters of abomination. I cast thee out, in Christâs name, in the name of Gabriel and Michael, in the name of God himself!â