hi

Queer books, shows, stuff. They/he. Sideblog.

[sweatermuppet]

from you with crack running through you by kim addonizio, published in lucifer at the starlite

[Text ID: I wanted to put my mouth on you and draw out whatever toxin… —but I understand. There are limits to love. /End ID]

[grainelevator]

Alone

“Left Alone” - Fiona Apple // “Automat 1927” - Edward Hopper // “Places I’ve Taken my Body: Essays” - Molly McCully Brown // “Night-Time Solitude” - Holly Warburton // Correspondence, January 15, 1950 - Albert Camus // Clive Smith // “I Wish I Was the Moon” - Neko Case

[feral-ballad]

Pedro Salinas, tr. by Ruth Katz Crispin, from Memory in My Hands: The Love Poetry of Pedro Salinas

[farmgf]

INSTRUCTIONS ON NOT GIVING UP

ada limón / princess mononoke (1997) / mary oliver / gang of youths / albert camus / the two towers (2002)

[aftgscenes]

Losing my mind over this review of aftg

[ohgodohfuckidontknow]

eurydice - sarah ruhl

[showcasedisplaysofsanity]

ON PURPOSE, I'M GOING TO LOVE YOU ON PURPOSE

Jenny Slate // Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue // Pleiades, Anne Carson // Taylor Jenkins Reid, The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo // @oriley42 and @earth167 (and a half) on Tumblr // Jodi Picoult from The Book Of Two Ways // The Night Vale, Episode 100, The Toast // Adam Melchor, I Choose You // Kierston White, The Chaos of Stars

[heatlightnings]

@criterioncollectiongirl on tumblr / the hours, michael cunningham / how soon is now?, the smiths / practical magic, dir. griffin dunne / i want you, mitski / wild geese, mary oliver / tell me you love me, sufjan stevens / all art by holly warburton

[likeimparalyzedbyit]

my toxic trait is that every time i watch a romcom i’m convinced something like that is going to happen to me

[cold-r-ain-in-june]

on falling for the one person you shouldn't

sue zhao // gentle.earth // "liv & ingmar" (2012) // amal el-mohtar, max gladstone, "this is how you lose the time war" // lincoln, "how i survived bobby mackey's personal hell" // neck deep // @ijaazat // the young veins, "lie to the truth" // jane seville, "zero at the bone" // chen chen, "when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities" // bonnie raitt, "i can't make you love me" // unknown // e-m. s., "odium" // pvris, "loveless" // rainbow rowell, "carry on"

[tiny-bi-dork]

[neilandalex]

woke✅ cis people are tiring

[polliniaa]

OK but Andrew’s relationship to kind people.

His friendship with Renee, the one that confuses the Foxes, that sends them betting because it just doesn’t make sense.

His obvious closeness with Betsy, cheerfully receiving texts from her. The picture of Bee in the bee costume!

Him listening to Wymack! Sometimes!

Andrew doesn’t see other people’s kindness as weakness and that is so important.

He hasn’t received much kindness in his life, but he recognizes it.

And he may not know how to give it back in normal ways, but he gives it back regardless.

And even if it’s all mixed up with threats and knives and cigarette smoke, Andrew knows what that exchange looks like, and he’s learning to accept it.

[polliniaa]

Versus Neil’s distrust of kind people. He never warms to Betsy, saying he distrusts her on principle because she’s a therapist and would delve into his many, many secrets. But he seems to distrust her kindness more than anything. Kind people are lies and Neil knows lies. He dislikes Renee almost immediately and joins with the Foxes’ confusion regarding her friendship with Andrew. He doesn’t trust warm, friendly Nicky (even before the kiss at Eden’s). The flip of that is how he isn’t afraid of the monsters who physically threaten him. And that’s the thing. He knows how to deal with physical violence. He’s done it his whole life. It’s having his own lies revealed that he fears. Hurt him, that’s fine–he’s fine–but kindness asks him to tell the truth and he can’t do that.

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

okay all of this is amazing and I love it but also @knox-knocks​ how could you leave all this perfection in the tags?

[fxcrt]

also i think one of the reasons that neil is so wary about people being kind to him is that once trust is built, it can be so easily exploited. the monsters being clear in their intentions gives neil no reason to DISTRUST what they’re saying, since the best case scenario is they don’t stab him and the worst case scenario is that they make good on their promises.

as opposed to lola, who pulls that creepy sickeningly sweet shit when we see/hear her. if someone’s deciding to play the long game, to get close to neil until it’s too late for him to run away, he won’t know until it’s too late. so a general rule of thumb for him is to just trust no one.

and then there’s his relationship with andrew, which starts with a natural distrust of each other. they both PROVE that they dont want to hurt each other after learning the bounds of their initial relationship. instead of andrew cozying up to neil, he’s wary and threatening, and neil gives as good as he gets. so it’s kinda extra beautiful that andrew found the one way in to neils trust.

[draxhermes]

This made me feel things

[thecoldcoffeecup]

stealing kisses from your missus does it make you freak out? got you fussing, got you worried scared to let your guard down

[01938271839]

neil hilborn, a place where someone loves you / [deactivated user] / @filmnoirsbian / anne sexton / sonnet by neil gaiman / caitlyn siehl, start here

[gwynvys-deactivated20220101]

“So Ginny poured out her soul to me, and her soul happened to be exactly what I wanted.... I grew stronger and stronger on a diet of her deepest fears, her darkest secrets. I grew powerful, more powerful than little Miss Weasley. Powerful enough to start feeding Miss Weasley a few of my secrets, to start pouring a little of my soul into her..."

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

Every now and then I’m going about my day, then I remember that scene in The King’s Men when Nicky and Matt and Allison start brawling with the other team, and Kevin goes to join in and Neil gets in his way and drags him around the fight so Andrew won’t get involved.  Just picture this: 5′3″ Neil manhandling 6′1″ Kevin on the court, all so 5′0″ Andrew won’t kill somebody with his bare hands.  Iconic.

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

@exycuter you hid the best possible response to this in the tags:

#i love that kevin and by proxy andrew were ready to literally Shed Blood#and neil was like coach said its My Turn to use the braincell