A Little Bit of Everything

Alexis. Veterinarian. INTP. Multifandom, random animals, humor, whatever crosses my mind. Blog is a mess, really. Avatar by @Ivy_Ironwood on Twitter

[aphantasias]

okay wait realistically when do you guys think ilya realized shane was Different neurologically?

i know the first thought is like. when shane was folding his pants before sex but i honestly think ilya just thought it was dorky and cute and didn't think too deeply into it

to me, when i consider how ilya interprets all of their interactions up until florida, the stylist reveal at the bar is when ilya fully realizes that shane is really just wired completely differently than most people and that's why none of their interactions have ever made sense to him.

this is also a personal headcanon of mine and i don't think this is in the text or meant to be BUT HEAR ME OUT

he sits through their entire conversation with such obvious anxiety, tapping and twitching and staring and thinking shane can see it and is just torturing him with the build-up to his engagement announcement because ilya deserves it. and then shane goes. can i tell you a secret? :) and ilya's like FUCK no PLEASE don't but his mouth says okay because he is a masochist and he needs to know where they stand and if he's about to fight for his right to be shane's mistress, and shane just goes 'i..... hired a stylist :3'

and ilya just.

come with me on this face journey for a moment

this FOR ME is the moment ilya realizes that he's been misunderstanding shane completely. i don't think he goes 'oh shit... autistic' but i do think he fully understands that shane is just Like That and genuinely can't read the room for shit and has no idea ilya is crawling out of his skin to know if they can be something again

anyone else would have acknowledged the hints he was dropping. the physical cues. the updowns. but not shane. which means none of his past attempts to silently communicate got through, either. which means. a lot.

and then ilya gets so much bolder, flirtier, he asks what he wants to know directly, he touches shane more, he's more playful. it was never about shane not wanting him the way ilya wanted him. he realizes shane just doesn't know how bad ilya wants him, because ilya hasn't been communicating in a way shane can understand. and that heals a lot of hurt in an instant

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

I'm 100% here for this! and his not understanding this, their not understanding this about Shane, has colored every interaction prior to that and takes until the cottage to really sort out

like....look at the hotel room interaction after this. Ilya is still guarded and half-expecting Shane to break up with him at the beginning of this, because while he has realized that Shane is not neurotypical he doesn't totally get it, not yet. Shane comes in with a serious face, and Ilya comments that this looks serious, and Shane deflects but then is like, well, maybe, can you sit down? and Ilya stays away, not looking at Shane, because he is still hurt that Shane left his house the way he did. even though for Shane, while that day at the house was "nice," Ilya was still drawing a line with his words ("not as person, of course, but you have a good mouth." "is nice to have regular woman like that. I think maybe I will find someone else.") that his actions (asking him to stay, making him food, having real conversation with him) contradict. and Shane in that moment, that critical moment where Ilya says his name--Shane just couldn't cope with that contradiction.

but in that hotel, Shane turns the tables on Ilya a bit. Shane may not know he's autistic, but he 100% knows he misses social cues and misunderstands things because Hayden repeatedly coaches him through social interactions! (and because let's get real, undiagnosed adult autistic people still really recognize that they are missing subtext, or at least I did.) so Shane takes this opportunity to be direct, to clarify, and to start to ask Ilya for the same. and that directness creates space for Ilya to be vulnerable for the first time, and shows Ilya that Shane is safe for him. which, in turn, terrifies Ilya, but that's another post

anyway, thank you OP for so beautifully demonstrating something I felt but hadn't yet put into words!

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

casually thinking about how Shane kept denying his fear - "I'm not a chicken," "I'm not scared," through episodes 1 and 2. Ilya didn't buy it - "Hollander, you are having panic attack" - but Shane kept sticking to it even though he knew Ilya saw him for who he was. because openly being afraid has never been something Shane could afford to do, he was already so other in his own life that he had to tamp it down and push through. but Ilya respects it, and doesn't ask for more than Shane can give

then we hit episode 6, and we have Shane actually saying, "I'm scared," and we have Ilya holding him and telling him, "Yes, it is scary, but you are brave." at first Shane deflects, but Ilya sees him, better than anyone, and he pulls it together and does the scariest fucking thing of his life with Ilya by his side. and when he has a panic attack, Ilya again comforts him, is there for him, physically and verbally

and also, we have Ilya deflecting, denying his own emotions, "never in my life have I blushed, Russians do not do this," "not as person, of course, but you have a good mouth." and at first, Shane did buy it. but then, episode 5, Ilya tries to deflect again - "is simple for me," but Shane sees that it's bullshit, keeps pushing for something real, and when Ilya breaks down, Shane holds him, and kisses him, and is the first person Ilya has been able to be real with. even with Svetlana, as much as Ilya loves and trusts her, he puts on a mask. and when Ilya is struggling after his father dies, Shane is the safest person yet again. he knows Ilya can't tell him in English, so he gives him the space to tell him in Russia because it's not about Shane knowing, it's about Ilya getting the poison out of his heart

and episode 6, Shane continues to be safe as together they navigate through the uncharted waters of honesty. Ilya entrusts him with the truth about his mother, and Shane takes that and turns it into a memorial that means more than anything the Rozanov family has ever done. Shane chooses him, when he has so rarely been chosen except on the ice. and again, Shane holds him and kisses him through his tears, and tells him he loves him, and together they start to purge some of the pain of years holding that in

I dunno, just the two of them actually seeing each other, making each other more real, it does things to me

[themoonandmyman]

I don’t know about you guys, but I never interpreted Svetlana as being romantically in love with Ilya.

I think their relationship is a lot more complex and deep than either just friends with benefits or unrequited love.

Their dynamic to me seems more queerplatonic. It’s undefined, but powerful. Yes, they’re childhood friends. Yes, they’ve had sex multiple times, but Svetlana is not some doe eyed girl chasing after Ilya.

When he asks her in the cab, ‘are you jealous?’, she replies ‘I think you know me better than that.’

In the scene with Sasha in the bathroom, she says ‘you boys need to catch up.’ She knows about them. She’s actively encouraging it.

There is love there, an abundance of it, but to try and put it into a socially acceptable and limiting box is disingenuous.

Svetlana is allowed by the narrative to be quietly complex, and I adore that. For a side character with not a lot of screen time, I came to absolutely adore her and the way Ksenia portrayed her.

I think people forget that women can also love having sex without attachments. That’s a real thing that happens.

[beeeeeboooooop]

YES. Also, the scene in ep 5 when they are lying in bed together and chatting in Russian really underscores this for me. The sex without having romantic emotions behind it, and then chatting. The way he jumps on her is SUCH a cute moment. It's not romantic, but we get to see how Ilya treats the people he loves and who love him back. AND Svetlana is so clearly her own person who exists for more than to push his story along (in the show). Yes, narratively, she does this. But I felt like she is always doing something and has her own motivations rather than just existing to help out Ilya when the story needs it.

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

I love how Svetlana makes this clear in the scene at his father's funeral dinner. She loves him, and he loves her, but she's the one who says it: that it's not like it is with "Jane." (She knows it's Shane, I think she has for a long time, with her little hesitation before she says "Jane," and by Ilya staring at Shane's TV episode and then claiming to not know if Shane is hot, he proves it. She keeps opening the door for him to confide in her, and he keeps slamming it shut, and in that very action he's proving it.) She's pointing out the difference, between the indefinable love they have for each other and the romantic feelings he has for Shane, and she's letting Ilya know that he is not alone in this.

That's why Ilya talking about Svetlana to Shane, with such obvious affection and comfort, punches Shane in the insecurity in Boston. But it's also why Ilya's assurances that Svetlana would marry him ring a little bit hollow - maybe she would, if he needed that for protection, but maybe she would also call him out on his bullshit. Because they love each other, support each other, and protect each other, but they don't use each other.

I was thrilled to see Svetlana being fleshed out and a consistent friend in the show, in a way she wasn't in the books. Their fathers being friends (or at least friendly), the reference to her always leading him around since they were kids, going out together but not together like true friends do - it's beautifully shown in a very small amount of screen time. (Rose, also, is much more developed in the show and I adored that too. Yes, she moves Shane's story along by informing him he's gay, but their ongoing friendship and her own feelings about her career, etc., are really deftly portrayed.)

[whitager]

i used to buy into that online leftist black-and-white Glorious Revolution stuff and what i remember about my mindset at that time. stresses me out tbh. i couldn't see the viability of anything short of full-scale revolution so i constantly felt helpless. i viewed the revolution as necessary to address any and all societal problems, but i was also, privately, terrified of it. i didn't want to die for the cause, but i told myself that if that was what happened when the revolution came it would be worth it, that my blood could move us that much faster toward perfect socialist utopia.

in this mindset, the only useful thing i could do was die. i didn't want to. i wasn't generally suicidal (although i do consider this mindset a form of... abstract suicidal thought). but i believed my life was the only meaningful thing i had to offer.

now i'm a member of a community who values me and values my contributions even if i can't contribute as much as i'd like -- a community that emphasizes that every single good deed matters, every compassionate act changes the world. a community where just showing up is enough.

now i know that i can change so much more while i'm alive than i'd ever be able to as a corpse on a battlefield. i know that if i keep showing up, i will find or someone will show me a way to make a difference. i know that i am valued as more than a hypothetical martyr in some grand final battle. i know that i am missed when i'm gone. i know that the actual work is done by regular people with a goal in mind, and i know that that work is unglamorous. i know the unglamorous work is often the most meaningful and the most fulfilling.

the "revolution or nothing" mindset is rendering my generation hopeless. a very loud portion of gen z now believes the only contribution they have to offer is their life. this belief effectively nullifies a person's capacity to create meaningful change; any action they could take while alive is not worthwhile because it won't fix the world's myriad problems in one fell swoop -- better to burn it all down and yourself with it.

if they weren't actively fucking over the rest of us to feed their own suicidal hopelessness, i'd feel sorry for them.

[whitager]

there's a phenomenon i've observed wherein a person stews in their own misery, hopelessness, anger, fear, to the point that they can no longer fathom that something might exist outside of that, and so they reject any effort to improve their situation because they no longer believe it can be improved.

i am not blaming the people who are in this place. it's a terrifying, dark place to be in, and when you're there it really does feel like it's the only thing that exists. this is the place where people kill themselves.

i think, though, that this phenomenon, scaled up to apply to politics and activism, undergirds so much of what we see from the left now -- the world is dark and terrifying, and in the 24-hour news cycle, social media doomscrolling era we live in it's so so easy to only see the bad, and when you surround yourself with other scared, overwhelmed people, it can form a sort of 2014-tumblr-depression-tag echo chamber where that hopelessness is glorified and lauded and propped up as Correct And Enlightened.

and then they commit hate crimes about it and my sympathy shuts all the way off.

[megpie71]

Boosting signal

[aetherograph]

I will always remember something my state-appointed psychiatrist said to me when we first met and I was giving him the run-down of my life so far, and I said "and I'm homeless right now--" and he stopped me.

'I LOVE that you just said that. That you said "right now"!' he said. 'So many of my homeless patients say they're homeless like it's their job, and that means they never see a way out of it.'

'Well,' I said, knowing the statistics. 'Most people are on the street for a year on average. It's not forever, it can't be. nothing is.'

And because I had the audacity, the boldness, to assume I was only homeless right now, I actively kept living like it was a temporary state, like I deserved housing and deserved care and deserved better than i had right now. Because it was only for right now. It wasn't forever. It couldn't be. Nothing is.

I was homeless for about a year and a half. And then I got housed. And right now I live IN a house, with good friends.

But it's only for right now. It isn't forever. It can't be. Nothing is. And whatever's coming next is going to be better! Because I have the audacity, the boldness, to assume it will be and that I deserve it.

And you do too.

But you HAVE to start thinking of misfortune as only being temporary. It's just bad right now. Practise that. "It sucks--right now" "I'm miserable--right now". Just a small thing. But it makes a big difference. It makes all the difference.

Because if you always put "right now" at the end, no matter how miserable you get, you have left a little crack.

And that's how the light gets in.

[loveridden1999]

doing things at the right age is literally a made up concept. you can start/pursue anything at any age. btw.

[loveridden1999]

remember remember

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

when I started vet school, I was one of the youngest students. I had just turned 21.

in my class, the oldest student started school at 47. the class average age, at the beginning of 4 years, was 28. the average age at graduation was 32. more than half my classmates had done another career, some just for a year or two, others for 15 or more, and then returned to follow their dream.

in the class 2 years below me, the oldest student started at 53. he was a human neurosurgeon who decided he wanted to be able to take those skills to dogs.

you are not to old to change your life. it might be hard, it might take time, but living is hard, and time is inexorable, and who knows what joys await? who knows how you might be fulfilled, what friends you might make, what you will learn about yourself?

[chandra-telescope]

hope is a skill

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

hope is a weapon you are trained to wield

[chandra-telescope]

favourite additions

[chandra-telescope]

[tenaciouswritingdragon]

You cannot hide this in the tags, bestie. This is too lovely to keep a secret.

[wonderwyrm]

[scrmnviking]

Theodor would approve.

[toneelspeelster]

by fyodor dostoevsky

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

there is something about how Shane is so afraid of being lonely because of disappointing his family that he locks himself away from them, and Ilya is already so lonely that he gives himself up to everyone who shows interest

something about how Ilya is so gentle and considerate with Shane's inexperience even when he's so cocky and brash otherwise, and how Shane is so eager for Ilya when he's so insecure otherwise

something about how Shane can't hide his real self from Ilya and Ilya hides his real feelings behind Russian when he's with Shane

something about how they are mirrors of each other, and how they can only find their real selves with each other

[goth-princess-gwennie]

The idea of listening to no black music is bizarre to me. Even if it's not rap like no earth wind and fire? No reggae? No moonstomp? No ska? No classic jazz? No R and B? No disco??? No skindred? No jungle? No even like metal bands with a few black members? No gospel? Not even stuff like alors en dance? No blues music? No mo town? No jazz of any kind? No big band? No soul music? Not even a little James Brown?

[jabbotmohan]

not even yola or tanner adell or brittney spencer or tracy chapman or india.arie or chapel hart or the carolina chocolate drops or rhiannon giddens????

[xoxoviva]

Or…

Hemlocke Springs (alt rock/new wave revival),

the Noisettes (indie),

Skunk Anansie (hard rock/metal),

Tamar Kali (rock/punk),

Valerie June (country/blues),

Santigold (indie),

Bloc Party (post punk revival/indie rock),

O Children (goth),

Lord Scary Black (goth),

Cemetery Sex (death rock)

[gayvampyr]

a few more artists i love:

deepincision (heavy metal)

zulu (metal)

black pantera (rock, metal)

winter wolf (punk, metal)

erzulie (punk, rock)

youth man (punk)

the 1865 (punk)

crystal axis (punk)

pleasure venom (post-punk/hard rock)

the rack (they describe their sound as “hard pop rock”, blends punk vocals and rock)

danny denial (indie punk/rock, queer)

gloom east (alt/indie rock, moody pop blend)

big joanie (synth punk + some more melodic, blues-like tones)

madame st beatrice (gothic, moody and melodic)

shadow age (goth)

saccharin (goth)

the ire (goth, punk)

bastet (goth punk)

here’s a playlist with a good mix of the above genres + some alt & indie from Black artists

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

For those more into poppy or singer/songwriter stuff, you're telling me you've never listened to:

Leon Bridges?

Lizzo?

Aloe Blacc?

Doja Cat?

LIl Nas X?

Janelle Monae?

Khalid?

Macy Gray?

Frank Ocean?

SZA?

The Weeknd?

Rihanna?

Bruno Mars?

Beyonce?

Daniel Caesar?

H.E.R.?

Jon Batiste?

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reblog this post with your favorite animal please here's mine :3

and one with mama 🩵

[andifyouaskmeifilovehim]

And a mama shot

[butchsunbear]

Plus mama

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

And one with Mama

[feluart]

I can't believe it's been over a year since I last drew them together properly (respectfully looking away from the failed attempt to draw the temple kiss scene, but I'll get back to you🫵🏻🫵🏻)

[faerynova]

this line ripped out my intestines and choked me with them

[tallsinspace]

gaaahhh you started The Pitt??? I fucking LOVE that show, it's so good

I did start it yes!!!!! It’s very intense and the medicine escapes me but I am ensnared by the web of relationships…………. I Love a good web…….. lmk if you have any particular Dynamics you’re interested in I want to chat :))

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

Each character is so fascinating in their own way. Not sure where you’re at but Langdon-Santos-Robby is supremely interesting as a dynamic; I don't want to give more away there in case you're not caught up but I can't WAIT to see where it goes from here. I also adore King, she's such a well-done example of advanced autistic competence. Santos is so flawed but also so good, like she's an asshole but she's SMART and she's ambitious and she's observant and competent. And I would go to war for McKay, Collins, Mohan, and Dana. Watching Javadi process McKay's situation, and start judging her only to then have circumstances set her on her ass and make her reconsider was SO GOOD. McKay may well be the most badass character on the show; except so is Mohan, and so is Collins, and so is King, and so is Dana so it's like, where do you even start. Like, talk about a show with good, real, complex, flawed female characters who are totally fleshed out? It's so refreshing to see it

Medically it is hands-down, without a doubt, by far the most accurate show that I have seen, probably that has ever aired on television. Even medical shows I enjoy sometimes take me out of it when they do something stupid, but this one has not done that at all. Hell, I was watching last week and I was like, huh, I would do this in that situation and literally Robby immediately did that. I'm obsessed!

[analynne]

“Neil deciding he wanted to finish his drink”

[rocketsaurus]

PUBLIC COMMENTS ARE OPEN FOR GENDER IDENTIFIERS ON US PASSPORTS

Right now, you can submit a comment for consideration on the proposed changes to US Passport law that will include requiring a change from "Gender" to "Sex" on all passports and require that people identify with their sex assigned at birth.

THIS IS THE LAW THAT WOULD BAN TRANS PEOPLE FROM UPDATING THEIR IDENTIFICATION

Please take a moment to click through and submit a comment. This kind of thing is fast, easy, and is one of the many ways to show your support of the trans community to the people that need to know how many of us there are.

[rocketsaurus]

YOU HAVE TWO MORE WEEKS TO COMMENT

This is an excellent low effort way to make a clear statement to the government that you do NOT support the unnecessary and expensive process of changing everyone's passport just so that a tiny population that has done no measurable harm to society can feel afraid.

Public comments are one of the many tactics we have to show the people in power how many of us are willing to stand up and say fuck this. Stand up and say fuck this in every single place that you can.

[stephenroot]

Writing Effective Comments

[sanguinarysanguinity]

Will accept comments up to March 17, 2025.

[naamahdarling]

There's only 12,000 comments. We can do better!

[singerofsimplesongs]

I was pretty sure after the Sunshine Court that by the end of tsc3, Neil, Jean, and Kevin would no longer have a deal with the Moriyamas just based on the fact that too many people know that Riko hurt Kevin and Jean. HOWEVER after the Golden Raven I am so sure of this it could be a free space on my next bingo card. Lets get into it:

My strongest evidence lies in the Browning cameo. Jean should not really be a material witness in Nathan Wesninski’s trial. He even says this. And Browning, instead of shedding more light on the situation says “I guess we’ll see, wont we?” I am certain that Browning has made the connection between Neil and Jean and the Moriyamas. Because he would be an absolute idiot otherwise. Why?

Quite simply, too many people know!!! Three people can keep a secret only if two of them are dead!!! And there is evidence everywhere if you start looking.

There’s too many connections back to Riko. Browning has made the connection between Neil’s appearance and Evermore. We already knew this. This book we learned: Riko met with Lola and there were witnesses. Riko was FAR too visibly and vocally pleased about what happened to Andrew. Aaron’s trial mention was very small, but gave us a ton of information, and I bet Browning is starting to look into how Drake got to Andrew in the first place. Proust should be dead, the Moriyamas cleaned that up, but that is now ALSO a red flag.

Jeremy, Cat, and Laila all know for a fact that Riko hurt Kevin and Jean. The rest of Trojans are also starting to get hints about how culty the Ravens were. They heard Jean call him the master and then immediately after, saw the Ravens try to kill Andrew and Neil.

The reporters are starting to make the same connections. Why did BOTH the Moreau and the Wesninski families send their kids to Tetsuji?

Neil told the FBI Elodie Moreau was dead. So why is there a manhunt looking for her?

Too many Ravens have killed themselves. Complete exy outsiders (Cody’s mom) are starting to get suspicious about the suicides. We the audience, Jean, Neil, and at least Andrew all know for a fact two of the suicides are cover ups. It’s not a stretch to assume more Ravens were killed for clean up and made to look like a suicide. The fact that all three of the players who went after Neil and Andrew are now dead is sus.

Neil Josten is capitol U, capitol T, capitol S Up To Something. He didn’t tell Andrew or Kevin he went to California. Each of his television appearances were calculated as hell and seemed to imply that Andrew might know a little bit about Neil’s plotting (since he and Renee played into it), but Kevin for sure doesn’t. Every time Jean has seen Neil since Riko’s death, he has been in peak chaos mode and his moves are incredibly calculated. Sure, Neil is an instigator, but we’re seeing bits of Nathaniel (the only part of Neil Jean has truly known) peek through here. We are not seeing the Neil that loves exy so much Ichirou knows he can distract Neil with it. We’re seeing crime savvy mob prince Nathaniel. Even Jeremy notes it when he says Neil’s smile is so unsettling he has to move away from the computer. The Foxes are not the ones making Nathaniel come out. Neil is playing chess with someone. We’re seeing the parts of Neil that exist in the universe where The Moriyamas killed Andrew as a warning. Why?

On that note, Neil and Stuart said that them being in California together was suspicious so the FBI would come question them, but Stuart had two tables full of people with him. We know the FBI has let Stuart and his team move around before, so the dance with the FBI in tsc might have been staged.

When Stuart was let into the country by the FBI and he stormed the Wesninski mansion, he was supposed to take Nathan alive. Why???? Why did the FBI want him to build a case against himself?? When he saw Neil was alive, he didn’t hesitate and shot Nathan dead. He must have kept tabs on Neil. Neil, the child Mary and Nathan were really never supposed to have. He watched his nephew fall in love with the Foxes. He must have known Neil would be much easier to convince to turn on the Moriyamas.

Neil is so blasé about Ichirou knowing about Andrew that even Jean makes a note of it. We have been in that boy’s head and Neil has never and will never be blasé about Andrew’s safety.

Of the three of them, Jean is the weakest link in the Moriyama secret. He has almost spilled the beans several times. He almost slipped a mention of the deal to Browning. Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead, and Nora would not have made a point to say that this is the ONLY draft where Jean survived so she wanted to explore what it looked like when he lived if she was just going to kill him off.

Putting Jean, Cat, Laila and Jeremy in a protected building until the end of the school year is SUS. PIC. IOUS.

Which, speaking of Laila, literally RIGHT before we get the Browning cameo, a point is made that Laila’s father/family knows someone in every alphabet agency. If Ichirou has people in the FBI, so does Laila. She has her family look into what’s going on. After the Ravens fans burned her house down, the Dermotts might be in on this too.

One of the last lines Nora gives us to contemplate between books is Neil’s care free “the rules have changed”. In tsc, this is followed by a mention of Neil’s deal with Ichirou. In tgr, it very pointedly is not.

If the FBI is smart, they have to surprise the weakest link somewhere where both his hesitation or the truth will damn the Moriyamas. I am almost certain Jean is going to be called to testify at “Nathan’s” trial and be surprised by a Moriyama question on the stand. If this is the case, Neil has to know the plan or Jean will not say anything. If Neil knows the next move, and he is sitting in the courtroom when the question comes, Jean will answer truthfully. I expect Andrew and Kevin to also be there, and I expect Kevin to lose it and Andrew to have some level of surprise, but not all. Neil will not tell him something that puts him in danger.

But if Stuart or the FBI or whomever has offered Neil a chance to take out the Moriyamas and make sure Kevin and Jean and Andrew are safe, Neil Josten is going to take it. Neil told Ichirou that Riko would be his downfall. He just didn’t tell Ichirou that it was already too late.

What comes after, I don’t know. But the Moriyama empire is going down and will be decimated by the end of this series. I am sure of this.

[daedalusdoesstuff]

FINALLY!! All for the Game! I love the fanfictions in this fandom. They're all so beautiful. I have a soft spot for magic AUs and AUs in general, so expect a lot of those!!

Cover for: Magesong by fuzzballsheltiepants

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

omgggg this is amazing!! Thank you so much! is it okay if I add it to the fic?