It's kinda long so if you dont wanna read it dont click it
also tw suicide ideation kinda if you squint hard enough
I don't really remember what else is in there so read at your own risk i guess???
Nothing left to breathe: WPNZ thoughts
I wish it was a dream, I really do, I wish I could just wake up one day and everything was back to normal, like nothing ever happened, and it was all just a dream, a really fucked up dream, but still a dream. I would wake up and Puzzles would be there, laying next to me in our bed, he would comfort me, looking all happy and healthy again, then we would laugh about it. "What a terrible and sick dream, huh?" I would joke, sadly it isn't a dream is it? Every day I wake up, I'm still face with the reality I refuse to sit with, the reality I refuse to fully accept. I believe in the stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, this should be denial. The crippling feeling of forced denial, false hope and belief, acting like nothing has ever changed, like all this isn't real. I don't know if I'll ever reach the stage of acceptance, I don't know if I want to.
Everything about this is terrible, everyone is terrible, I……We don't even know if there are any other survivors, the necessities are growing scarce, there isn't enough to feed everyone fully and they are thinking of cutting the rations of the infected to feed those not infected, THAT'S STUPID!!! WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE THEM TO BE DAMMED EVEN FURTHER, THEY CANT DO THAT TO THEM, THEY CANT DO THAT TO PUZZLES!!! Nobody will talk to me, I feel so fucking lonely, I'm not close enough with anybody for any of them to start a conversation with me, the kids are too reluctant to leave their mom, Puzzles and Karen are….Everyone fights all the time, they keep arguing, not to say I'm innocent, I do too. They fight about who should get the materials and necessities, they we keep arguing about what to do with the things we already have, we argue about how to help our situation. They are scared of getting infected while the immune are scared of getting mauled, they keep picking me to go. I suppose it only make sense for me to go, I just… can they at least not fight around Puzzles room.
Before all this happened, I was supposed to propose to Puzzles. It was supposed to be happen on a nice cool night during a fancy getaway. He was supposed to be all dressed up, he was supposed to look like the worlds most handsome man. Then we were supposed to get married, we were supposed to have a dispute over having a small wedding or a big extravagant one. He was supposed to wear the most expensive suit and I was supposed to fall in love with him all over again, as I would again and again in the future. Yet, this is the ending I'm stuck with. The dream that once felt so close, only inches away from my grasp, I could already feel the warmth radiating off of it, now felt unachievable, it doesn't just feel unachievable, it is unachievable, like the universe just grabbed it and burnt it in front of my eyes. The ring sits in our home, once warm just like my dreams, now cold and desolate. In its own fancy marron box, trapped in a sea of unbreachable plants. It rots. It rots just like how the both of us are.
I feel like I'm returning to the past. I don't do things to feel great anymore, I do things just to survive. I go outside not to run around to spend energy, not to go to a fancy restaurant with Puzzles, not to go have fun at an amusement park, not to commit petty crime, not to even look at the sky to see how great it is, I step outside just to hunt. Hunt in fear, I feel so vulnerable. I could feel myself have the urge to kill, I always did, but this time it wasn't for fun, it helped fill up this empty feeling. It feels terrible, it feels dull. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought this way but there were so many things I wanted to do, so many goals and dreams, so many possible chances of experiencing true joy, all for it to come crashing down. I guess it should've been expected of an apocalypse, it's supposed to crush your dreams, deprive you of your joy, but that doesn't make it any better, does it? Life is getting too dull, there's no thrill, no excitement, no change of pace nor routine, everyday's the same. Wake up, hunt, sleep, wake up, hunt, sleep, wake up, hunt, sleep, wake up, hunt, sleep, wake up- its getting repetitive. I kinda want to just fall asleep, and never wake up again. Continue living in that dream world instead of this sick reality. I don't want to wake up anymore.
KNOCK!KNOCK!KNOCK! Wpnz was snapped out of his thoughts and back into reality, he turns toward the direction of the sound. The knocks came from a door, the 10 locks rattling from the impact of the knocks. Right he was next to Puzzles containment room. "Is he knocking and scratching on the door again?" Wpnz thought, that must be true, that also means Puzzles is in his infected state right now. There are no pattern to his states of minds, it's getting more unpredictable by the day. Wpnz gets up and starts walking away, he doesn't like staying around Puzzles when he's in his infected state, it makes him uncomfortable, being so close to him yet unable to actually touch him. KNOCK!KNOCK!KNOCK! There it goes again, another perfectly three times, that's odd. Wpnz stops in his tracks, he really hates the idea of Puzzles scratching and punching the door, he knows it injures Puzzles hands and finger, he should get some gloves for him. The metal man turns on his hypothetical heels, returning to their boyfriends door.
He lifts a hand to hit the door, in hopes it might scare Puzzles away from the door and into a corner, while he definitely wants to do anything but scare Puzzles this way but he can't do anything else unless he wants to risk himself getting injured, although that doesn't sound like the worst idea. Right as he reels his fists in for a punch, somethings catches his eye. A small letter slid beneath the door, in front of his legs. When he reaches down to pick the piece of paper up, he notices the tip of three fingers and some flora peeking out the crack of the door. Then he hears it, a small and short breathy laughter, the laugh was cut short as soon as he notices Wpnz, quickly retreating way from the door. Wpnz was scared for a moment, his eyes wide from shock until his face softens, his heart flutters, it's been so long since he heard that sound, the worlds most beautiful melody. He turns his focus back to the letter in his hands, he opens it. On the piece of paper wrote "Happy birthday!" in big bold letters, albeit a little shaky still mostly perfect, made by some crayons. There was a tiny bouquet of dead flowers, and a note apologizing for being unable to give more.
Oh right, how could he even forget. It was HIS birthday. Wpnz hand starts shaking, soon moving to his shoulders, tears flow down his eyes, but a large smile could be seen on his face. Dammit, if he can't live for himself, he will live for him, for Puzzles. Even with all this going on, he will do whatever it takes to prove the universe wrong, he will prove everyone wrong, he will prove himself wrong. If living means the possibility of experiencing little things like Puzzles laughter again, even if it's miniscule, if there is a chance, you know damn well he will LIVE.
I've been creating this character for a little less than a year and gave up on it a long time ago, but thanks to @ddddduckky I decided to try and finish this design:))))
It's terrible. I'm lying down with a fever, and my older sister is yelling in my ear. I thought she was going to lose her voice. Please give me some advice.
areudirty
kianamaiart
dailybridgerton
annaxmalina
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
kaledo-art
turnnoffyourmind
titsay
