the horrifying thing is my father is pretending that Rosza didn't text him back on Tuesday and also that he doesn't know how to work the text message app on his phone to take screenshots and show me what the conversation was
which is important because Rosza's pretending she hasn't been asked repeatedly to check in on me and is just only now doing so after almost a week of requests
I can't tell if I'm being actively gaslit or I just have a senile father
also I found out that she's been she hering me to my father a man I have not seen in over a year specifically because he cannot be trusted to act normal if I am presenting as a girl it took a decade to persuade to they them me when I was still exclusively he him
I can't tell if this is because she doesn't want to have a pronoun conversation or if it's because she is disregarding my boundary about being she her'd to people outside a small intimate circle of other transsexuals
and she also casually dropped that she had to come home from work which has never been true in the last 6 years because she has worked from home. And would absolutely not be the first major covid protocol shake up that she tells me about as a complete aside. She's violating a boundary I keep asserting with her and she keeps ignoring and this is one of like a dozen a full gish gallop, of ignored and disregarded boundaries
Which unlike her I don't get to have a f****** full on temper tantrum about
Also this is all happening while I am dealing with a really bad UTI where I was pissing Brown this morning
I don't know what's real I can't assert a boundary with anybody I don't have my boundaries respected I feel insane
And also she's being really nice to me as if she wasn't just ignoring me which is entirely in keeping with her theme song that she has to me said is the theme song of her problems: 'When a person say that you've upset her
Better than a zombie should'
actually no because she actually doesn't do that. she just sees you're sick or injured in a way that matters to her, not suicide attempts?
but also I just realised this is love bombing. like it's only not evil because Bobby is not fully promising things, and also there's a lot of evil in Company but we keep it moving! light entertainment! but do that in these circumstances? evil
so like I have her attention and a big long thing of pretending to care and be a person but I can't trust it. I can't message her and be honest and real. I can't ask about the awful things so I know for real. so it's not safe
