Ya'll I cant right now

Not today Satan not today

[crossroadswrite]

idk about you but i’m a sucker for the we just had sex and it’s the morning after and i woke up to an empty bed and how could i be so stupid of course you left me alone but wait you’re in my kitchen cooking me breakfast and i’m so relieved trope

[sabertoothwalrus]

[wlwriot]

Today I called a girl homophobic as a joke and she almost started crying

[wlwriot]

She said “my neighbors are a lesbian couple! I’m the least homophobic person you’ll ever meet”

[wlwriot]

I said “Kelsea I’m really sorry I hurt your feelings but I need you to know that homophobic people can have lesbian neighbors” and she just got even more distraught and said “I’ve been inside their house and I wasn’t even afraid or anything”

AFRAID OF WHAT??

[boopednose]

She entered the Home of Phobia and wasn’t even scared

[beardedmrbean]

[theman]

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

[tattooedzombigirl]

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

[juelzsantanabandana2]

Mane you said this was a booby trap!!! Aint no titties in here this is a pit of spikes I’m bleeding everywhere the fuck!!!

[huffylemon]

[forgivemekarlmarx]

[izolyn]

I’m sorry, is his stance now “be glad I’m not having you murdered instead”?

[huffylemon]

[memewhore]

[3000s]

its becahse youre always on that damn toilet

[speculativefictions-deactivated]

one thing about me is that i will buy a beverage

[eclogues]

Why would tumblr update. They know we’re all autistic

[benepla-deactivated20180521]

if i didnt know who these characters were i’d say its a french indie gay romantic drama that is playing a little too heavily with color symbolism

[wellwaterhysteria]

i think about this post like. once a week. and i mean that.

[herotox20-deactivated20210706]

[lee-e]

Receptionist in question

[headspace-hotel]

This isn't even a hate message this is just the funniest possible thing in the universe. I'm losing my shit laughing right now

[kristina100000]

embarrassed by the amount of pedestrians i hit with my car today but i made it home safe

[sleepy-bebby]

[memewhore]