The bastard son

its about that last bit of life I've got left and the journey losing it.

[nemotruekingofdust]

2inch pully $9

100ft of rope $15

One suv with tow package

Who knows what im pricing out?

Not that it matteres

[nemotruekingofdust]

I dont belong in this world I work all day just to go home hungry and do it again. Im tired body soul and mind and god still doesnt want to call me home. My one of two prayers. I know the other prayer wont happen a wife with anger like mine will never happen I hate humans now. My soul is burning up my mind is rotting and my mind deteriorating. God ive tried so hard to be a part of this world this life but what ever is wrong in my head. Its causing me to lash out at everyone. Im not supposed to be alive and I longer have the will to try amd keep failing. No one had the patience to help me and that fuels my anger why would I believe you when you walk away and left me homeless. I give up. I no longer have the patience for it myself.

[nemotruekingofdust]

To who ever was supposed to be my other half I hope your happy and doing well. Im sorry but im staying home from this day forward. No app has helped me find love. And I dont do much anymore because the joi of life isnt there. Its just a constantly dull and lonely

[nemotruekingofdust]

When im 35 i will have a heart attack I will be in Holland hospital when I have the second heart attack the day killing me. . . I can wait to be honest this worldnhas been my hell for to long and I want peace. I want silence I want to be forgotten

[nemotruekingofdust]

Whe she goes so will i. Ive given my word. You couldn't handle a dead brother well I dont want to live in this world. I gave you my word I wouldn't kill myself atleast not while your alive but when you die. Ill meet you at the gate laughing and joking on our walk to hell. The true king of Dust. And the queen who gave him permission to die in her final breath.. come home with me please if you make me wait dont make it so long this time.

[nemotruekingofdust]

In the end the loneliness is what killed me not the depression. Lock in my room all the time because poeple didnt like me said im wierd. Teased and bullied me. I guess what killed me is the bullies of life and myself for e petting the world to be a different place. In the end I just gave up my big heart metaphorically speaking I dropped it shattered it buried it dug it up the shot and burned it with the efforts trying to find something that was like home. Now I dont know what home is idont know what love feels like I want this world to forget me and I want God to call me home and kill me a life like mine should have never existed. This bastard son who's never once felt unconditional love

[nemotruekingofdust]

All I want now in life is to know what it feels like to be loved. But its been so long I dont know what that feels like anymore. I dont know if I know how to love anymore. In the end ill probably see my kingdom sadly it will be 2 feet wide and 6 feet deep. If I ever found love I know id question it until I fall out of love

[nemotruekingofdust]

With three years left until I have a heart attack the only thing I want is for it to be sooner. It's hard to say this but I want to die not for selfish reasons other than im here and I dont feel loved anymore. Id string myself up but thats wrong by society standards fuck society fuck the human race of this world. Yall did to much to me

[nemotruekingofdust]

Im giving everything to this dog my heart my love and its not that she doesnt give it back there no one out there to be able to give me the love im looking for. I give up my soul so may I never come back to a place a world that never wanted me to begin with where some ones sympathy changed my fate for the worse I hate how lonely my life has gotten I hate the world and how it sees me as selfish how it sees me as unlovable. With out love i am.nothing to everyone with out love life isnt worth living with out love you are poor. With out love your truly alone. And that lonleyness is what breaks poeple into killing themselves.

[nemotruekingofdust]

I feel as if im breathing my last breath to those who need it that my own cup of love can be emptied and when it is i can go homenwhere ever the after life takes me

[nemotruekingofdust]

I go by salad dont ask why just know its a nickname.

I wasnt just abused as a kid I suffered from not getting the help I needed it felt like the world has never wanted me to be alive yet here I am struggling to fight to keep what I have. im alone down to my very soul my dad has sold everything family walked away from me. everything I love I lose humans animals everything. my sister needed my help rehabilitating her dog. shes not my biological sister but ill put it this way I like her but also know it'll go no where. that there has been every girl I've dated and now im scared to even open up. id rather be alone than face constant rejection. and Ive breathed the last of my heart and love into her animal that if I lose her im sure ill give up she tells me she doesnt need a dead brother but this brother hurts from the soul and all he wants to hear is its okay salad you can go see god now ask him all those questions you've never got answers for. accept where your going and do it with acceptance. I no longer am looking for I love you not your body your looks but your kindness and your soul. you've fought hard sleep let me hold the wait of your world for a day. I know no one can hold my world like atlas from greek mythology, I too am chained to hold the world on my shoulders a wait to heavy for even me. im tired so tired. I want the world to forget me not out of selfish reason but out of the simple reason I wasnt supposed to live to see 4 years old and as a product of living im cursed. to do it alone.