PRBLMS.

we're just strangers with the same damn hunger. to be touched. to be loved. to feel anything at all.

[neonthrill]

catch heather on her solo blog over here ..... aka i really need to stop pretending that i can keep up with a multi muse blog bc all of them end up with their solos at the end of the day 

[neonthrill]

lmao i’m so over rpgs man ... all it is is cookie cutter bullshit lmao everyone wanna be a hoe but no one want the drama of it ???? .... ... [ insert waka flocka ‘okay’ gif ]

[fistmade]

i just high key want a group verse with like .. . all the drama and pain of an rpg .. .. but minus the stress of meeting activity checks / ignoring ooc life

[fistmade]

                       you   trickle   through cognitions like water, slipping through   crevices and thoughts.  just a brief sense of what’s   m i s s e d,   and you never stay long enough. you think you’re forgotten   //   you’re anything but.

[books-are-better]

When he felt her fingers, he flinched; he had not been touched with such gentleness since his childhood. He was no stranger to women and had felt their hands on all parts of his body, but her touch made him feel like he belonged some place.

-Melina Marchetta, Finnikin of the Rock (via books-are-better)

@safcri

(via uneasykisses)

[neonthrill]

so i made my new son bc i’m weak as hell n it won’t show up in the tags for another day bc it’s a new blog so . . .... .. u should go follow it n plot w me 

[neonthrill]

it’s officially football season so i’m just out here contemplating making a single muse obj as per usual 

[wolftyla]

*Romantically passes you the blunt*.

[cruelintenticns]

               when MULTI-MUSE ACCOUNTS ask to SPECIFY A MUSE       ;        it’s NOT because they want to be ANNOYING.          it’s to make it EASIER FOR THEM           but also EASIER FOR YOU.          by SPECIFYING A MUSE,            you will AUTOMATICALLY help them think of AN ANSWER   //     STARTER    //      IDEA on how to say certain things INSTEAD of having them think CONTINUOUSLY on who they should pick OR if they picked the right muse.             A MULTI-MUSE BLOG isn’t easy maintenance             &             sometimes THE MUN behind ALL THE CHARACTERS  needs a LITTLE BIT OF HELP  with choosing who to pick.           so BE HELPFUL        &          SPECIFY A MUSE WHEN ASKED.

[zayngallery]

[bled]

[deseosheridos]

@carameliise

[laarne]

no offense but the soft uncertain kiss followed by a pause where the people look each other in the eyes and then fucking pull eachother back into a more passionate kiss will always be the most soul destroying trope , catch me lying on the fucking ground sobbing and rewatching The Scene™✌🏼✌🏼✌🏼

[neonthrill]

Um .. i am in dire need of some f/f or age gap things, so if u are ok with doing it over discord ( bc i unfortunately work all day today n for the rest of my life basically ) and don’t have gigi hadid banned then u should hit me up 

[neonthrill]

✧ ROWAN ! ❜

     it was a position of power she had never been in with the man standing idly across from her but one she had come to relish in in his absence. she had become the object of men’s affections, the one thing they wanted but could not have. .  at least not for long. “day by day.” she reiterated, more so for herself than anything else. he had never made it obvious of his want for her, had never gone out of the way to make her feel good about herself but it seemed his plea now was enough to undo that, enough to place a sense of worth into her bones. 

     she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, growing increasingly needy, the space between them only exaggerating the need now. she had become needy in his absence, frankly prior to as well. rowan wanted him. all of him over and over again until her legs were weak and her heart was full. should she have been embarrassed by that? should she have hid it? the answer was unclear. “you wanna be with me?” she spoke again, this time more sure of herself as she lowered her crystalline gaze at him. “prove it.”

     abel wasn’t good at this sort of shit. if there was any learned lessons he could have taken from his last relationship, it was that the whole mind-reading and translating spoken word into undertones was never going to be his forte. he needed something more concrete, something that could be taken at face value. and though he knew he would have to meet rowan halfway, abel couldn’t have wrapped his head around the idea of up and kissing some sense into her like they did in the movies ─ no matter how many bones of his dared to hope it could be so simple. 

     instead, he found himself with a desperate slant in his shoulders, a wild look within amber eyes that only reinforced the subtle demand of his inquiry. “ how do you want me to do that? ” whatever her answer, abel knew there was a good chance it would only further solidify the fact that she was no longer the person that he had left those years ago. she was someone entirely new, and though he still adored her all the same, abel couldn’t base his actions on assumptions made from their previous relationship. 

[neonthrill]

✧ ROWAN ! ❜

     it was terrifying, standing in front of him like this, completely vulnerable to his expectations and his desires, nevermind her own. once more she found herself gripping the tshirt in hand, practically threatening to tear it in two with how roughly she rang it through her hands. “i can’t promise anything…” she spoke after a moment, her mouth moving before her mid had time to tell it otherwise. “i mean, everything was really fucked up. we were really fucked up. and that had me fucked up for a long time, i mean, i’m practically a different person now.” which wasn’t far from the truth. sure, maybe at her core she was still the tomboy he dated, a girl more interested in weed than the brassy toned in her hair. 

     “i don’t want you making decisions only to turn back on them once you figure out i’m not that girl anymore.” maybe this was a defense mechanism, her way of pushing him as far as she could before he hurt her… or possibly seeing how willing he was to climb her walls. only time would tell. 

     surprising wasn’t the right word to describe it. abel had known full well that this wasn’t something that would just fall in to place. there was too much leftover shit to sort through, too many heavily engrained mannerisms that would have given the girl in front of him every reason to drop everything, walk out his front door, and refuse to speak to him ever again. but abel had to hang on to the loosest hope in the fact that was was still in front of him now. “ i know, i’m not expecting any promises. that’d be .. a bit shit, of me. ” if anything, his last relationship had somehow forced a sense of responsibility upon abel that he’d lacked the first time he’d been with rowan. abel had learned quick and fast that every decision he made had repercussions, and there was no one to blame save for himself when things didn’t pan out the way he had hoped they would. he couldn’t lay all the accountability on her shoulders. 

     “ but just, like, a day to day thing, is all i’m saying. even if i don’t actually see you every day. y’know? i know that i’m asking a lot and i don’t expect you to really give me a concrete answer right now. i just want to try. for once. ” there was another pause, another shift of his shoulders, another slow breath to give him some semblance of control that he couldn’t get from her reaction. or lack there of. “ i wanna be with you, ” he confided. “ ─ but however you see fit. ”

[neonthrill]

✧ ROWAN ! ❜

     what she hadn’t expected was that sort of question to push pass the pink flesh of the lips she had dreamed of for the last three years. it left her feeling two inches tall, suddenly unaware of the right answer, as if there even was one. should she give him the safest answer? a simple ‘nothing’ or possibly ‘lets take it step by step’? or was she meant to lay it on the line and explain to him how she wanted to one day carry his last name, more so have little perfect mixes of the two of them toddling around a house somewhere in the suburbs? how was she supposed to answer in a way that didn’t make her seem too outwardly invested in him… as if she hadn’t been from the moment her eyes first laid on him and all his effortlessly cool glory. 

     “i’m expecting to be happy.” she decided after a beat, her courage lodged in her throat as she gripped the shirt tightly in her hands. “if that happiness comes with closure or a new chapter in this story is honestly beyond me but…” her words trailed off, knees suddenly weak with the fear of unanticipated rejection. rowan longed to search his eyes for an answer to the same question but she couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze, still locked within her head, plagued with a million possibilities and outcomes. “what are, uh, what are you hoping for?”

      for a split second, abel thought to lie. tone down the sheer desire that had burrowed in the center of his chest and started carving away at his heart from the moment he’d decided to call everything quits and head back home. but lying had done him little good on the road, so he doubted it would have done anything here ─ and of all people, the one stood in front of him was just about the only person he could have ever been unabashedly honest to. ( the fact that he hadn’t before was all selfish preservation. ) his might’ve hesitated again when his lips parted to answer, but abel forced the two words out before his cowardice could get the better of him. his right shoulder followed with a halfhearted shrug. “ just you. ”

abel contemplated going into some long speech about why and how, which would have then led to a slew of missed apologies and promises that he wouldn’t be able to currently validate with anything more than the hope that she’d take his word for it. but instead his gaze shifted from her face to the ceiling, stayed put for three solid seconds then aligned with her face again. “ however you’ll let me have you. even if it’s just .. ” his left hand gave a halfhearted wave at the space between them in the loosest form of closing it off, even if only for a moment. “ this. tonight. ” could he have really blamed her if that’s all they came down to: some stinted conversation and untouched mcdonald’s bags on his kitchen counter? abel had given her less than the bare minimum. it was a damn miracle she was even in his apartment to begin with, and he’d take that blessing for what it was worth, and then some. 

[neonthrill]

✧ ROWAN ! ❜

     rowan knew his words to be right, knew it was the right move to let him go; to pretend as if she wasn’t as invested already as she was, pretend her bones didn’t ache with loss at the thought of letting him go. but the fact was they did and she was and how was she supposed to hide that? how was she meant to play a game of coy when all she longed for was to be settled into a new life with him… a new life for them. regardless of all that, the blonde managed to unwrap herself from him, his words still in the forefront of her mind as her icey blue gaze flittered to meet his tempting mahogany stare. 

     it was now that rowan found herself wondering how long this would last. if several months or even weeks from now he would find himself bored with this game… find himself back in hollywood at the side of a girl much more interesting than her. rowan had never been the sort to compare herself to other women, ( up until now she hadn’t been much to compare too in honesty ) but afterall she was only human and the thought of losing a growingly uninterested abel once more only seemed like it would bring about total and final destruction. there might not have been anything to rise from the ash if she was forced to walk through the fire and wreckage of his abandonment a second time around. “ sorry. ” she half muttered with a lazy shrug and an almost cocky smirk, the skin of her lower back still beating with the heat from his touch. 

       “ i wasn’t really looking for an apology. ” abel would have had it so she never spoke those two words again, if that was at all possible. ( which would have been funny to an earlier version of himself, the sort that melted into the too expensive fabric of tour bus benches with the plea for an apology he knew deep down would never come. ) rather than accepting the apology, abel’s hand reached out to find hers, twining three loose fingers between the spaces of her own before taking steps towards the bedroom. he worked meticulously to keep the weight against his skull from completely crushing his mindset, everything that he’d spent the drive back promising that he would make up for. three years of dodging accountability and twisting facts into white lies that’d benefit his own well being had been more than enough to last a lifetime. 

abel’s hand only let go of hers to rummage through his closet, still half unpacked with too many boxes covering the floor. he managed a hanes t-shirt from one of the partially unzipped suitcases and handed it to her once she was again within arm’s reach. what he was supposed to say, or if he was supposed to say anything at all was beyond abel. he hadn’t ever been the best at words and, if he were to speak truthfully, that much of himself hadn’t changed. there was still a tongue-tied mess sitting at the base of his throat, and with his luck it would have been morning before he managed to untangle it ─ nevermind actually say all that he wanted to. on a singular breath of ignorant bravery, abel inquired, “ what are you expecting out of this? ” a melancholic sort of smile returned to his lips. “ if you’re really expecting anything at all, i mean. ”