Have a nice life,

~-shit happens, move on-~

[neonxcrayons-blog1]

Where is this going?

Are we using each other?

Is this real?

Or a fantasy we contrived over the years?

...

I want to be numb

I want to just have a soothing presence

It is deep,

Gnawing beneath the surface, longing to burst out

But scared

So ducking scared

Never have I wanted more to be genuine

No more mask

[neonxcrayons-blog1]

If this is a dream, don't wake me up

I'm awake.

I look around the room. The morning light illuminates everything,

And I take in what I see:

Posters and art on the wall..

What do they mean to you?

A scribbled note secured with blue tape..

What do you write about?

Books littered on the desk, the floor, the nightstand..

What secrets do you know?

I'll keep it a mystery for now.

[neonxcrayons-blog1]

I hate how you left me.

At the same place you found me,

That corner bus stop downtown.

[neonxcrayons-blog1]

Constantly torn between wanting to live in the moment and be spontaneous or to be a hermit for the rest of my life.

[thegoodvybe]

[neonxcrayons-blog1]

All that I want.

All I want,

Is to wrap my arms around you, feel your embrace.

I want the nervous rush of excitement when our eyes lock; stuck and captivated by the mystery of each other.

I can feel you staring into my soul, touching my heart with yours.

There's a connected feeling I get from you, an irresistible pull bringing us close.

I feel like I know you, yet, I want to understand the small details.

I want to know what makes you, you.

I want you to know what makes me, me.

I want to choose you again and again, and I want you to choose me.

...

All I want,

Is to love you.

[neonxcrayons-blog1]

I wish circumstances were different

I wish more time has passed. I wish I could talk to you, send that 'hey, how's it going?' message.

I wish I wasn't afraid of my own feelings. I wish I was bold enough to share them with you.

I wish I wasn't afraid of hurting someone else in the process. I wish I could pursue a relationship without judgement.

I wish that you feel the same way.

[neonxcrayons-blog1]

Could I fit between the deep crevices of your life?

I'm insatiably curious to know.

[just-shower-thoughts]

You couldn’t realize how fucked up your relationship was until its over

[neonxcrayons-blog1]

Mega relatable rn

[neonxcrayons-blog1]

Let me go.

Red flags littered this mountain we were trying to climb.

I thought they were marking the path,

not leading me astray.

I trusted you to lead me to the peak,

but I'm teetering over an edge.

There's vastness below me,

but I can only focus on one thing...

Your disfigured, broken body.

You dared me to jump,

You dared to push me off.

You dared to leave me here.

I was the one who left.

The altitude sickness was getting to you,

and I needed some fresh air.

I completed the climb on my own,

I still thought of you at the top,

I still missed you,

despite what you'd done.

The return journey was more perilous,

I was alone.

It was then that I found your body.

It killed me inside to see you lie there,

Unmoving and lifeless.

All I could do was cry, and understand...

...you did this to yourself

[neonxcrayons-blog1]

I desperately need someone to love

[understands]

[neonxcrayons-blog1]

There's a barrier I can never break through.

I cannot distinguish paranoia from anxiety in your face or actions. Your eyes are wild and shrouded by the night shadows.

You can't put your feelings into words. I can't decipher them from your twisted metaphors.

My emotions run away from me and I'm left confused and abandoned, again.

...

I understand now we just couldn't hear eachother, no matter how much we tried to call out. Distracted by the noise, we ignored the whispering truths. You could never find the right voice. You could only hinge your reality on a contrived fantasy.