You don’t want to find yourself trapped in a relationship where you’re always on alert. You don’t want your alarm bells to go off whenever your person leaves the house without you, whenever they take a minute too long to text back, whenever they tell you a story about their day. If you can’t trust your person to be one hundred percent honest with you, then maybe you aren’t meant to be with that person.
Maybe you need to find someone who is incapable of looking you in the eyes and lying to you. Your partner should make you feel secure. There shouldn’t be any doubt in your mind about whether their feelings for you are real or whether they are planning to stay in the relationship for the long haul. This person should express their love for you through their actions, and their loyalty, not only through their words. When they make a promise, they should follow through on it. No exceptions. No excuses.
You’re never going to make a relationship without trust work. Of course, you need to pay attention to where those trust issues stem from. If an ex cheated on you and you’re always on high alert because of the bullshit you’ve been through in the past, that’s something you can work toward changing. You can establish open communication with your partner, so you feel more comfortable with them, so your doubts slowly start to fade. But if their behavior is the whole reason why you’re worried, if they are too flirtatious for your taste and you keep catching them in ridiculous lies, there’s a problem.
If you’re in a serious, monogamous relationship, your person should only want you. They shouldn’t be hung up on their exes. They shouldn’t be crossing boundaries with their friends. They shouldn’t be making you feel insecure about your worth, your beauty, or the stability of your relationship. It doesn’t matter whether you catch your partner cheating. If they make you feel like they could cheat at any moment, if you’re constantly expecting them to walk away and abandon you, then something needs to change. Maybe you can sit down and come to a compromise. Or maybe you need to leave.
Either way, you don’t want to remain in a relationship where you’re extra insecure, extra uncertain, extra paranoid. The right person will reassure you that they are head over heels for you. They’ll make it clear that they’re interested in you and only you. They’ll tell you the truth, even when it’s hard to hear, and they won’t keep any secrets from you. You will never have to doubt what they’re saying.
You will never have to wonder whether you’re getting the whole story. Love someone loyal because staying faithful is the bare minimum your partner should do for you. Love someone loyal because giving out more and more chances to a cheater is not worth the stress. Love someone loyal because you don’t deserve the pain of feeling like you’re second best.
What started as a design aesthetic has snowballed over the years into a lifestyle movement embraced by people worldwide. It’s easy to see why (or maybe I’m biased?) since minimalism offers a clear path to a more intentional, fulfilling, and sustainable way of life.
The allure of “living with less” has permeated popular culture, from decluttered living spaces to capsule wardrobes. But, like any widespread trend, minimalism has evolved over time.
In this article, I want to examine the different paths of minimalism—from the extreme to a more balanced, rational approach. I also believe it is important to explore how the lifestyle can positively impact our environment and, finally, how to implement minimalism in a way that works best for you.
Three Types of Minimalism
Nowadays, minimalism falls into three main categories: traditional minimalism, extreme minimalism, and rational minimalism. Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. However, by understanding the nuances between the different styles, you can choose or craft one that best aligns with your values, needs, and environmental priorities.
1. Traditional Minimalism
Traditional minimalism is the most well-known and widely adopted approach to living with less. It’s where Becoming Minimalist and many other blogs started and, in many cases, still reside.
The focus here is on decluttering physical spaces, emphasizing essentials, reducing unnecessary consumption, and seeking quality over quantity. That’s a mouthful, but the benefits speak for themselves:
Increased mental bandwidth
Reduced stress from clutter
More time and energy for loved ones
Space for side hustles and other meaningful pursuits
Improved finances (hello, debt-free living)
On the downside, you might find letting go of certain things challenging. You may encounter pushback from friends and family members or struggle to balance owning less and still being comfortable. However, it’s all surmountable but worth noting nonetheless.
2. Extreme Minimalism
Extreme minimalism takes it to the next level, pushing the boundaries of how little one can live with. Proponents of this approach typically pare down to the bare essentials (often fewer than 100 possessions). If they have a home base, it’ll most likely be devoid of furniture.
For my partner and me, the move from traditional to extreme minimalism aligned with our desire to age well. At almost sixty, going furniture-free seemed like a natural and easy way to achieve that. And that’s just one advantage.
This way of living also comes with several other benefits:
Complete freedom from material possessions
Moving home is a breeze (if you even have a fixed address)
A much lower impact on the environment*
*Assuming you’re not flying to a new destination every other month.
The not-so-great side is that it can lead to social isolation (no furniture will do that!) or becoming obsessive about owning less stuff. A short nose around the internet and you’ll quickly see a competitive pattern emerge among extreme minimalists.
3. Rational Minimalism
Rational minimalism is the Goldilocks of the three, striking a balance between the desire for simplicity and the practicalities of modern life. It emphasizes thoughtful curation of possessions, focusing on functionality and personal values. It’s a more flexible, you-do-you kind of lifestyle while still maintaining a “less is more” outlook.
Unlike its extreme cousins, rational minimalism allows for some sentimental items and, gasp, some “just in case” possessions. It emphasizes mindful consumption rather than extreme reduction.
As a result, it’s a more attainable lifestyle to adopt and maintain long-term, balancing minimalist principles with practical needs. Some of the benefits include:
Reduces stress without sacrificing comfort
Encourages mindful decision-making
Promotes sustainability without extreme deprivation
Allows for personal expression within a minimalist framework
Ultimately, your approach to minimalism will depend on your circumstances, goals, and preferences. The key is to explore the different types, consider their pros and cons, and choose the one that aligns with your vision for a more intentional, fulfilling, and sustainable lifestyle.
The Environmental Impact of Minimalism
As we shift our focus to the broader implications of minimalism, it’s crucial to consider its impact on the planet. With environmental challenges on the rise, minimalism is more than a lifestyle choice. It’s also a powerful tool for reducing our ecological footprint. Embracing this way of living allows us to do our bit for Mother Earth.
Resource Consumption and Minimalism
The culture of overconsumption has led to the rapid depletion of natural resources. It’s time to break this cycle and embrace a more sustainable way of living. Minimizing our material possessions reduces the demand for new products, lowering the environmental strain.
It doesn’t stop there. Minimalism also encourages us to be more mindful consumers, choosing quality over quantity and prioritizing experiences over things. This simple shift in mindset can do wonders for our planet’s well-being.
Opting for a capsule wardrobe, for example, simplifies daily choices and significantly reduces the resources required for clothing production, including water, energy, and textiles.
Waste Reduction Through Mindful Consumption
One of minimalism’s most significant environmental benefits is its impact on waste reduction. This lifestyle’s mindful consumption naturally leads to less waste in several ways.
First, minimalists purchase fewer items, which generates less packaging waste, a major contributor to landfills and ocean pollution.
Secondly, focusing on quality and durability means that items last longer, reducing the frequency of replacements and the associated waste.
Finally, minimalists are often more inclined to repair items than replace them. This extends product lifecycles and aligns with circular economy principles.
Long-term Environmental Benefits of Adopting Minimalist Practices
If more people embrace minimalism, it will yield decent environmental benefits in the long run. Minimalists often make more sustainable choices on a personal level, such as living in smaller, energy-efficient homes.
On a larger scale, widespread minimalism has the potential to reduce carbon emissions significantly. Moving away from fast fashion, disposable goods, and unnecessary consumption could shift us towards a more sustainable economic model that values preserving resources.
Aligning our habits with minimalist principles allows us to reduce our individual and collective environmental impact dramatically. Living with less affords us more time, freedom, and money, and it also offers a healthier planet for the future.
Choosing Your Minimalist Path
Consider now how you can embark on your minimalist journey. Remember, this is personal, and finding the right approach requires introspection and experimentation. Here’s how you can start:
Reflecting on Personal Values and Lifestyle Needs
Take time to consider what truly matters to you. What brings you joy? What are your long-term goals? Understanding your values will help determine which possessions and activities align with your vision of a fulfilling life.
Assessing Current Habits and Areas for Improvement
Evaluate your daily routines and living spaces. Identify areas where physical and mental clutter hinder your well-being or productivity. This will show you where a more minimalist approach could have the most significant impact.
Tips for Gradually Incorporating Minimalist Practices
1. Start small: Declutter one area at a time, such as a drawer or a closet. This approach prevents overwhelming feelings and provides quick wins to motivate further progress.
2. Mindful consumption: Consider whether the item aligns with your values and is necessary. Prioritize quality over quantity to reduce long-term consumption.
3. Regular reassessment: Schedule periodic reviews of your possessions and habits. As your life evolves, so should your approach to minimalism.
4. Finding balance: Minimalism is about curating a life that works for you. Be flexible and adjust your practices as needed to maintain a sustainable lifestyle.
Your Turn to Act
Now that you’re familiar with the different minimalism styles, you can choose one that works for you.
Don’t be afraid to experiment. Every small step towards minimalism is a step towards a more intentional, fulfilling, and sustainable lifestyle.
With our mounting environmental challenges, living with less is one of the most impactful ways to reduce our ecological footprint and do our part for the planet. Let’s embrace less and create more—more freedom, more purpose, and a healthier planet for all.
There is no doubt we live in a world with constant distraction: beeping phones, ever-present social media, streaming services, constant noise, advertisements on every surface in every direction.
But the numbers might be even worse than you’d imagine:
Studies show that the average person gets distracted every 11 minutes.
Americans check their phones an average of 144 times a day.
We switch activities or applications at work every 3 minutes and 5 seconds.
And if that’s not bad enough, the research tells us that after a distraction, it takes 23 minutes to regain focus on the original task.
These constant interruptions don’t just disrupt our workday—they keep us from living our best life and accomplishing our greatest purposes. The hard work of accomplishing meaningful and significant things requires focus—whether that is a project at work or a relationship at home.
Distractions keep us from things that matter. That’s why I wrote a book about it.
But there is good news, we don’t have to let distractions control our lives. Although there is noise and activity all around us—it is up to us whether we are going to give into distractions or not.
If we want to live more intentionally and accomplish what’s most important (and who doesn’t?), we need to take steps to minimize distractions and reclaim our focus.
Here are eight practical and actionable ways to do just that:
1. Close Your Eyes and Countdown from 5 Slowly, Focusing on Your Breath
As soon you notice that your mind has been wandering or you have gotten distracted from meaningful work, try this simple mindfulness technique to help you refocus: Close your eyes, slowly count down from five, and pay attention to your breathing.
Focusing on your breath will help you separate from the distraction in front of you both mentally and visually. When you reach the number one, open your eyes and recenter yourself on the task you need to be focusing on.
2. Remove the Distraction from Your Environment
One of the simplest and most effective ways to avoid distractions is to remove them altogether. There’s a reason so many diet plans encourage you to remove all the unhealthy food from your kitchen. When you change your visuals, you change your habits.
If your phone is the main distraction in your life (which it probably is), put it in another room entirely while you work. That’s the best step. But if you can’t, choosing to silence notifications, turning on “do not disturb” mode, or using apps that block distracting websites during work hours are all forms of this step.
And if the TV, music, or video game console is what pulls your attention away, turn them off or remove them entirely.
3. Craft a 3-Item To-Do List for the Day
One of the most significant distraction-removing routines of my day is The 3-Item To-Do List. Every day, I choose the three most important tasks I need to complete at work. Oftentimes, I accomplish more than those three items, but those are the nonnegotiables for me to feel productive at the end of day.
What I have found so helpful about this practice is how the three items help me overcome distraction. If, for whatever reason, I feel the day slipping away, reminding myself of the three items I need to complete helps center and motivate me.
On the other hand, long to-do lists can be overwhelming and counterproductive, resulting in scattered attention or an “I’m not going to finish all this anyway…” attitude that lends itself to distraction.
It might sound counterintuitive, but if you want to accomplish more each day and remain more effectively focused, determine your three most important tasks you want to complete. This principle can be applied whether you work at a job or not.
4. Choose a 2-Minute Project to Get Started
Often, distractions are just a form of procrastination. Sometimes distraction trips us up when we’re in the midst of important work. But other times we simply turn to distractions as a means to not get started on important work. As the old saying goes, “Nobody has a cleaner home than an author trying to write a book.”
If this is the type of distraction you are dealing with, commit to just two minutes of work. That is the simple tool I use to overcome procrastination. You can read more about it at that link. But just to overcome any misunderstanding, the goal of this tool isn’t to just accomplish two minutes of work. Instead, the mental decision to just commit to two minutes makes the barrier of entry easier—and once you get started on the work, it’s easier to remain engaged.
5. Try the Pomodoro Technique
The Pomodoro Technique is a time-management method that encourages working in focused bursts with scheduled breaks in between. Here’s how it works: Set a timer for 25 minutes and commit to working on a single task during that time. When the timer goes off, take a 5-minute break to stretch, grab a drink, or relax.
This technique not only helps you stay focused, but actually allows for short periods of intentional distraction—almost like you are scheduling your distraction—making it easier to maintain concentration throughout the day.
6. Keep a Distraction Journal
A distraction journal can also be a helpful tool—especially if the distraction is an important one.
I learned this method from a spiritual mentor. He was advising me on how to stay better focused during solitude and prayer and offered this advice, “Whenever you feel your mind wandering to something you need to do, write the task down on a sheet of paper. The process will tell your mind that you don’t need to keep thinking about it because you wrote it down.”
But I’d like to expand on this idea of writing down our distractions because there are two ways this step can be helpful:
Capturing future tasks: If you’re distracted by thoughts of a task you need to complete later, write it. This practice allows you to refocus on your current work without worrying about what’s next.
Tracking your distractions: Each time you get distracted, write down what the distraction was and when it happened in a journal. After a few days, you’ll begin to notice patterns and trends that can help you avoid those distractions in the future.
7. Declutter Your Space
Physical clutter can be a significant source of distraction. When your space is filled with unnecessary items, your mind is subconsciously pulled in multiple directions. Decluttering your environment can help reduce these distractions, making it easier to focus on the task at hand.
At work, start by clearing your desk, organizing your workspace, and removing anything that doesn’t serve a purpose. At home, start in often-used spaces like your bedroom or living room to remove visual noise where you spend most of your time.
8. Remind Yourself of What Is Most Important
When you feel distracted, take an intentional moment to remind yourself why you’re doing what you should be doing. Whether it’s providing for your family, making a positive impact, or investing in people, reconnecting with your deeper motivations can help you push past temporary distractions.
C.S. Lewis once said, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” I’ve found this specific thought to be helpful in overcoming distraction. The most significant goals in front of me are worth more than the distraction I leave behind. By centering our mind on what truly matters, we become internally motivated to stay focused and committed to the task at hand.
The distractions in this world are not going away—they are only going to get worse. That’s why controlling your attention may be the most important skill of the 21st Century.
These eight tips will help you (and me) do that better.
Many of us know the feeling of wanting to live with less but are struggling to find the motivation to get started or continuing to make progress after a quick start. The desire is there, but the energy or commitment to the process can be hard to find at times.
Sometimes we find the work is more emotionally tiring than we thought. Sometimes we realize the project is going to take longer than we thought. Other times, life just gets in the way.
Regardless of the reason, it’s a frustrating place to be—living between where you are and where you want to be. However, it is a feeling that many of us have experienced.
In fact, from the interactions I have with people, there are a lot people living in this struggle. You want the benefits of owning less: more time, more space, less stress. But you’re not sure how to find the motivation to take the first step, or the next one after that.
I want to help. You can move forward. It is possible to break out of that struggle and continue making progress (or get started if that’s where you are). Below are some practical steps to help you get motivated to minimize and declutter your life.
1. Tell Yourself Out Loud That This Is Possible
The first, most important, step in any life change that we desire is to believe it is possible—that this change is something we can actually accomplish and that taking the first step is worth it.
But I’d like to add that one of the most powerfully practical things we can do when starting a big project is to hear our own voice telling us that it is possible. So find a quiet moment, look yourself in the mirror and say out loud: “I can do this.”
2. Understand That It Won’t Be Done Overnight
One of the biggest roadblocks to getting started is the overwhelming thought that everything needs to be done at once. But here’s the truth: minimalism is a process, not a destination. The work of decluttering and minimizing won’t happen in a single weekend or even a single month. And that’s okay. For Kim and me (+ 2 kids), the process took nine months.
Instead of focusing on the enormity of the entire project, narrow your view. Tackle one drawer, one closet, or one room at a time. Set realistic goals. Progress is progress, no matter the pace. When we shift our mindset from “I have to get it all done now” to “I’ll take one step today,” we free ourselves from the pressure of perfection and make room for lasting change.
3. Set a Decluttering Deadline for Each Area
Understanding that this process will take time opens yourself up to not being overwhelmed. That being said, we don’t want to go too slow. And sometimes open-ended projects feel too overwhelming to start.
To counter this and find motivation, give yourself a deadline for each area you want to declutter. I recommend one week for each of your home’s “lived-in” areas (living room, bedroom, bathroom, closet, etc). Storage and less-frequently used rooms might take longer.
Zoë Kim once brilliantly said, “You can always declutter just a little bit at a time, but do you really want to be decluttering for the rest of your life?” She is right! Set a deadline for the areas in your homes. This helps manufacture urgency and focus, helping you overcome procrastination.
4. Write Down a Motivation Greater Than “I Just Want to Own Less”
“I want to own less” is a great goal, but it’s not really enough motivation to get us through the hard parts of decluttering. What we really need is a deeper, more meaningful reason to push us through the process. Take a moment and physically write down your reasons.
Perhaps you want more time with family, less stress about maintaining a large home, or financial freedom from excessive spending. Maybe you crave more space for creative pursuits, want to travel, have faith-based motivations, or just desire to live more aligned with your values. When we attach our minimizing efforts to a purpose greater than just reducing clutter, we tap into a source of motivation that can sustain us when the process gets tough.
5. Start With What You Know You Don’t Need
Sometimes the hardest part is knowing where to start. A simple way to begin is by focusing on the items you already know you no longer need or use. These are the low-hanging fruits of decluttering—the things that hold no emotional attachment and are easy to part with. It could be kitchen gadgets you haven’t used in years, clothes you never wear, or toys/games that are no loner used.
By starting with these items, you build momentum and create space—both physically and mentally—to tackle more challenging areas later. In fact, here’s a list of 101 places to start.
6. Make a Donation at Your Local Goodwill or Donation Center
A practical way to take immediate action is by making a donation. Fill a box or bag with items you no longer need, drive to your local Goodwill or donation center, and drop it off. The simple act of getting things out of your home forces you into motion and clears space.
The reality is there might even be a couple of donation boxes or bags already sitting in your home or trunk just waiting to get dropped off. Do it today, There’s a sense of accomplishment that comes with knowing you’ve not only removed clutter but also contributed to someone else’s life.
7. Find Accountability and Support
Getting motivated is easier when we don’t feel like we’re doing it alone. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or an online community, finding support and accountability can make a big difference. Share your goals with someone who can encourage you along the way. Better yet, find someone who’s also interested in minimizing, and commit to helping each other stay motivated.
8. Watch This Video: The Story of Stuff
Sometimes all it takes is a little outside inspiration to reignite your motivation. Watch The Story of Stuff, a short film that highlights the impact of overconsumption on our world. The video is 20-years old but is equally relevant today as the day it was published. It was one of the most motivational videos I watched while pursuing minimalism and I know it will inspire you as well.
Minimalism is a process, but it does have an endpoint. And you’ll love it when you get there!
Assassination Methods Through the Decades: A Writer’s Handbook
When it comes to writing about assassination, historical accuracy and understanding the evolution of methods can significantly enhance the authenticity and impact of your narrative. This guide is designed to help writers explore the diverse and often brutal methods of assassination that have been used throughout the centuries. From the poisonings of ancient times to the covert killings of medieval assassins, here’s a comprehensive guide bound to give you the perfect inspiration for your assassination scenes.
Ancient and Medieval Assassination Methods
Poisoning
Poisoning is one of the oldest methods of assassination, dating back to ancient civilizations such as Greece, Rome, and Egypt. The allure of poison lies in its ability to kill without physical confrontation, often leaving little trace of the perpetrator.
Common Poisons:
Hemlock: Famously used in the execution of Socrates, hemlock was a slow-acting poison that caused paralysis, leading to death by respiratory failure.
Arsenic: Known as the "inheritance powder," arsenic was a favorite among those seeking to kill discreetly. Its symptoms could be mistaken for natural illness, making it a popular choice in political and familial power struggles.
Belladonna: Also known as deadly nightshade, belladonna was used in both small and large doses to incapacitate or kill. The poison caused hallucinations, dilated pupils, and eventually death.
Historical Examples:
Socrates (399 BC): The Greek philosopher was sentenced to death by drinking a concoction containing hemlock, a method chosen for its relative humanity compared to other executions.
Emperor Claudius (54 AD): It is widely believed that the Roman Emperor Claudius was poisoned by his wife, Agrippina, using a dish of poisoned mushrooms to secure her son Nero's place on the throne.
Administration Methods:
Poisons were often mixed into food or drink, applied to the skin via ointments, or even introduced into the body through small, concealed needles. Assassins needed to be knowledgeable in the art of dosage to ensure a successful kill without immediate detection.
Symptoms:
Victims of poisoning would often suffer a range of symptoms depending on the poison used. These could include severe abdominal pain, vomiting, diarrhea, convulsions, and eventually, death. The slow progression of symptoms allowed the assassin time to escape, and in many cases, the cause of death was not immediately apparent, lending an air of mystery to the assassination.
Bladed Weapons
Before the advent of firearms, blades were the primary tools of assassins. Daggers, swords, and other sharp instruments were favored for their portability and effectiveness in close combat situations.
Types of Blades:
Daggers: Small, easily concealed, and lethal at close range, daggers were the weapon of choice for many assassins. The Roman pugio and the medieval stiletto were particularly popular.
Swords: Larger and more visible, swords were often used in assassinations where the element of surprise was not necessary, such as in the heat of battle or a public execution.
Kris: A wavy-edged dagger used in Southeast Asia, the kris was known for its spiritual significance as well as its lethality.
Famous Assassinations:
Julius Caesar (44 BC): Perhaps the most famous assassination in history, Caesar was stabbed 23 times by a group of Roman senators led by Brutus and Cassius. The attack was swift and brutal, demonstrating the effectiveness of a well-coordinated knife attack.
King Duncan (11th century): The assassination of King Duncan by Macbeth (as famously dramatized by Shakespeare) is an example of a stealthy, intimate kill using a blade, where the act was both personal and symbolic.
Techniques:
Assassins using bladed weapons often relied on stealth, speed, and precision. A well-placed stab to the heart, throat, or kidneys could kill instantly or within moments, leaving the assassin time to escape. In some cultures, assassins were trained in martial arts that emphasized quick, lethal strikes.
Weapon Concealment:
Blades were often concealed in clothing, boots, or even within the folds of long hair or turbans. The art of hiding a weapon until the crucial moment was key to the success of many assassinations.
Strangulation and Garroting
Strangulation was another favored method of assassination in ancient and medieval times, especially for those who sought to avoid bloodshed or noise. The garrote, a weapon used to strangle a victim, was particularly effective in this regard.
Tools Used:
Garrote: A length of wire, cord, or fabric used to strangle a victim from behind. The garrote was silent, deadly, and could be easily concealed, making it a popular choice for assassins throughout history.
Hands: In cases where no weapon was available, assassins might rely on their own hands to strangle a victim. This method required physical strength and proximity but could be effective in the right circumstances.
Historical Examples:
Sicarii (1st century AD): A group of Jewish zealots who used short daggers to stab Roman collaborators in crowded places. The Sicarii were also known for strangling their enemies with garrotes.
Medieval Europe: Strangulation was sometimes used as a method of execution for nobles, where a public beheading or hanging might be considered dishonorable.
Execution:
The assassin would typically approach the victim from behind, loop the garrote around their neck, and tighten it quickly and forcefully, cutting off the victim's air supply. Death would occur within minutes due to asphyxiation or a broken neck.
Advantages and Risks:
The main advantage of strangulation was its silence. Unlike a stabbing or poisoning, strangulation could be done without alerting others nearby. However, it required physical strength and a certain level of risk, as the victim might struggle or fight back.
Renaissance and Early Modern Era
Firearms
The Renaissance and early modern era marked a significant turning point in the history of assassination methods with the introduction of firearms. Gunpowder, first developed in China, made its way to Europe and fundamentally changed the dynamics of warfare and personal combat, including assassination.
Introduction of Gunpowder and Early Firearms in Assassinations:
The development of gunpowder-based weapons provided assassins with a new tool that could kill from a distance, reducing the risk of capture. Early firearms such as matchlock and flintlock pistols were bulky and required significant skill to use effectively, but their lethality made them a preferred choice for assassins by the 16th century.
Firearms allowed for quick, deadly strikes that were difficult to defend against, making them ideal for assassinations where the element of surprise was crucial. The loud noise and smoke, however, meant that escape required careful planning.
How Accuracy and Concealability Impacted Methods:
Early firearms were not known for their accuracy, which necessitated close-range attacks. Assassins often had to be within a few feet of their target to ensure a successful hit. As a result, these weapons were usually concealed under cloaks or in specially designed holsters that allowed for a quick draw.
Over time, improvements in gun design, such as rifling and better gunpowder, increased accuracy and allowed for slightly longer-range assassinations. Despite these advancements, concealability remained a critical factor, as firearms were often large and unwieldy compared to daggers or poison.
Key Assassinations Involving Firearms:
Assassination of King Henry IV of France (1610): King Henry IV was assassinated by François Ravaillac, a Catholic fanatic who stabbed the king while his carriage was stopped in traffic. While this was a stabbing, the period saw a rise in the use of firearms for such purposes. Henry IV's era was marked by religious turmoil, where firearms began to play a role in political assassinations.
Assassination of William the Silent (1584): William I of Orange, also known as William the Silent, was assassinated by Balthasar Gérard using a handgun. This marked one of the first successful assassinations of a prominent figure using a firearm, demonstrating the growing popularity of this method during the Renaissance.
Poison Rings and Needles
The Renaissance period also saw the refinement of more discreet methods of assassination, particularly the use of poison rings and needles. These tools allowed for covert poisoning, often in social settings where other weapons might not be feasible.
Discreet Poisoning Techniques:
Poison Rings: These rings contained a small hidden compartment that could hold a lethal dose of poison. The wearer could discreetly slip poison into a drink or onto food with a simple flick of the ring’s lid. Poison rings were popular among nobility and were often used in court intrigues where open violence would have been impossible.
Poison Needles: These were small, sharp needles often coated with a fast-acting poison. They could be hidden in clothing or other objects and used to deliver a quick, often unnoticed prick that would introduce the poison into the victim’s bloodstream. Needles were ideal for use in crowded settings, such as royal courts or banquets, where the assassin could blend into the crowd after delivering the fatal dose.
Notable Instances of Usage:
Lucrezia Borgia (1480-1519): While the extent of her involvement in poisoning is debated, Lucrezia Borgia, a member of the infamous Borgia family, is often associated with the use of poison rings to eliminate her political enemies. The Borgia family’s reputation for cunning and ruthlessness made poison one of their favored tools for securing power.
Catherine de' Medici (1519-1589): The French queen consort and mother to several kings of France, Catherine de' Medici, was rumored to have employed poison rings and needles to remove rivals and control court politics during the Wars of Religion in France.
Explosives
The early use of explosives in assassination attempts represented a shift towards more destructive and indiscriminate methods of killing, often targeting not just the primary victim but also anyone nearby. Explosives became a favored tool in situations where a dramatic statement was intended, or where traditional methods of assassination were not feasible.
The Early Use of Explosives in Assassination Attempts:
Explosives were first used in assassination attempts during the Renaissance and early modern periods, although their use was limited by the difficulty of creating and handling reliable explosive devices. Gunpowder was the primary explosive material, and it required careful handling to avoid premature detonation.
The use of explosives was often tied to larger political or religious motivations, as the collateral damage caused by an explosion could have a significant psychological impact on the population or ruling class.
The Effectiveness and Risks Involved:
Explosives were highly effective in causing mass casualties and instilling fear, but they also carried significant risks for the assassin. Improper handling could result in accidental detonation, and the use of explosives often made it difficult for the assassin to escape unnoticed.
The unpredictability of early explosives also meant that they could fail to detonate or cause less damage than intended, leaving the assassin vulnerable to capture and execution.
Historical Example:
The Gunpowder Plot (1605): One of the most famous early uses of explosives in an assassination attempt was the Gunpowder Plot, in which a group of Catholic conspirators, including Guy Fawkes, attempted to blow up the House of Lords during the State Opening of Parliament, with the aim of killing King James I and much of the Protestant aristocracy. The plot was foiled, but it demonstrated the potential of explosives as a tool for political assassination.
The Industrial Revolution and Early 20th Century
Sniper Rifles
The Industrial Revolution brought about significant advancements in weaponry, including the development of sniper rifles. These long-range firearms allowed assassins to strike from a distance, often without being seen or heard.
The Rise of Long-Range Assassinations:
Sniper rifles were designed for accuracy over long distances, enabling assassins to kill targets from hundreds of meters away. This development allowed for greater safety and discretion, as the assassin could remain hidden while observing the target through a scope.
The advent of rifling, which gave bullets a stable, spinning motion, greatly improved accuracy and range. Coupled with telescopic sights, these rifles became the preferred tool for military and political assassinations during the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
Famous Cases:
Assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand (1914): Although Archduke Franz Ferdinand was ultimately killed by a handgun, the era in which he was assassinated saw the rise of snipers as a significant threat. The tensions and technologies of the time set the stage for future political assassinations using sniper rifles.
Assassination of President John F. Kennedy (1963): Although beyond the early 20th century, the assassination of JFK by a sniper is a prominent example of how sniper rifles became synonymous with political killings. This event marked a turning point in the history of assassination, highlighting the lethal effectiveness of long-range firearms.
Car Bombs
The introduction and evolution of vehicular explosives, particularly car bombs, added a new dimension to assassination tactics in the 20th century. Car bombs became a favored method due to their potential for mass destruction and the ability to target individuals in transit.
Introduction and Evolution of Vehicular Explosives:
The use of car bombs began in earnest during the early 20th century, particularly in conflicts where traditional methods of assassination were either too risky or ineffective. These bombs could be planted in vehicles and detonated remotely, offering a high degree of control over the timing and impact of the explosion.
Over time, car bombs became more sophisticated, with the addition of remote triggers, time delays, and increased explosive power. They were used not only in targeted assassinations but also in acts of terrorism aimed at destabilizing governments or instilling fear in the populace.
Techniques for Planting and Detonating:
Planting a car bomb required detailed planning, as the vehicle needed to be accessed and rigged with explosives without arousing suspicion. Detonation methods varied from simple timed fuses to complex remote-controlled devices, allowing the assassin to maintain distance from the blast.
The challenge for assassins was ensuring the target was inside or near the vehicle at the moment of detonation. This often involved careful observation of the target’s routines and the use of decoys or distractions to ensure the bomb’s effectiveness.
Chemical and Biological Agents
The 20th century saw the development and use of more advanced chemical and biological agents in assassinations. These methods, often invisible and insidious, allowed for killings that were difficult to trace and could be disguised as natural causes.
Use of More Advanced Poisons and Toxins:
With advancements in chemistry and biology, assassins gained access to a range of deadly substances that could kill quickly or slowly, depending on the agent used. Toxins like ricin, cyanide, and various nerve agents became tools of state-sponsored assassinations, particularly during the Cold War.
Chemical agents could be introduced through food, drink, or even via contact with the skin or inhalation, making them versatile and deadly. Biological agents, on the other hand, could cause diseases that mimicked natural illnesses, allowing assassins to kill without immediate suspicion.
Historical Examples:
Ricin: Ricin, a highly potent toxin derived from castor beans, was famously used in the assassination of Bulgarian dissident Georgi Markov in 1978. Markov was attacked with a modified umbrella that injected a tiny pellet containing ricin into his leg, leading to his death a few days later.
Cyanide: Cyanide has been used in various assassinations due to its rapid action and high lethality. One of the most notorious uses of cyanide was in the mass suicide-murder in Jonestown in 1978, where members of the Peoples Temple ingested cyanide-laced punch, although this was not an assassination in the traditional sense, it demonstrated the deadly effectiveness of the poison.
These innovations in assassination methods during the Industrial Revolution and early 20th century reflected the growing complexity of warfare and espionage, as well as the increasing role of technology in shaping the tactics of assassins.
Modern and Contemporary Assassination Methods
Silenced Firearms
In the modern era, the evolution of silenced firearms, or firearms equipped with suppressors, has played a significant role in covert assassinations. The suppressor, commonly known as a silencer, reduces the noise and muzzle flash of a firearm, allowing assassins to operate with a higher degree of stealth.
The Evolution of Suppressors and Their Use in Covert Assassinations:
Suppressors were first developed in the early 20th century and have since become a staple in the arsenal of assassins. Initially, suppressors were bulky and limited to specific firearms, but advancements in technology have made them more compact, effective, and adaptable to a wide range of weapons.
Silenced firearms are ideal for close-quarters assassinations where discretion is paramount. The reduced noise levels prevent immediate detection, giving the assassin time to escape or even carry out multiple hits without alerting nearby individuals.
High-Profile Cases:
Cold War Assassinations: During the Cold War, silenced firearms were frequently used by intelligence agencies on both sides of the Iron Curtain. The KGB, CIA, and MI6, among others, employed suppressors in various covert operations to eliminate targets without drawing attention.
Georgi Markov (1978): Although Markov’s assassination in London involved a poison-tipped umbrella, the use of suppressors was prevalent in the same period for similar covert operations. This era exemplified the silent, precise methods preferred by state-sponsored assassins.
Remote-Controlled Devices
The rise of remote-controlled devices, including drones and other modern technologies, has introduced a new dimension to assassination methods. These devices allow assassins to strike from a distance, often from thousands of miles away, with precision and minimal risk.
Drones and Other Modern Technologies in Assassination:
Drones, equipped with cameras and weapons, have revolutionized modern warfare and assassination. These unmanned aerial vehicles can be operated remotely, providing real-time surveillance and the ability to deliver lethal force with pinpoint accuracy. Drones are particularly effective in targeting individuals in difficult-to-reach or heavily guarded locations.
Other remote-controlled devices, such as bombs or cars rigged to detonate via remote, offer similar advantages. These methods allow the assassin to maintain a safe distance from the target, reducing the likelihood of capture or identification.
Notable Instances in Recent History:
Qasem Soleimani (2020): One of the most high-profile drone assassinations in recent history was the killing of Iranian General Qasem Soleimani by a U.S. drone strike in Baghdad. This event highlighted the capabilities of drone technology in executing precise, targeted killings with global political implications.
The Killing of Anwar al-Awlaki (2011): The American-born cleric and al-Qaeda leader was targeted and killed by a drone strike in Yemen, marking a significant moment in the use of remote-controlled devices in the War on Terror.
Cyber-Assassination
As technology continues to advance, the concept of cyber-assassination has emerged as a new frontier in covert operations. This method involves using cyber means to assassinate individuals, such as hacking into medical devices or other critical systems.
The Concept of Assassination Through Cyber Means:
Cyber-assassination leverages the vulnerabilities in modern technology, particularly medical devices like pacemakers or insulin pumps, which can be hacked to deliver a fatal outcome. This method represents a shift from physical to digital assassination, where the target can be killed without the assassin ever being in the same country, let alone the same room.
Cyber-attacks can also target critical infrastructure, leading to deaths through indirect means such as causing traffic accidents by hacking self-driving cars or disrupting life support systems in hospitals.
Ethical and Legal Implications:
The rise of cyber-assassination raises significant ethical and legal questions. Unlike traditional assassination methods, which can be physically traced, cyber-attacks are often difficult to attribute, making accountability a major issue. This anonymity can lead to increased use of such methods by state and non-state actors alike.
Legal frameworks have yet to fully catch up with the technological realities of cyber-assassination. As a result, there is a grey area regarding the legality of such actions, particularly in the context of international law and the rules of engagement in warfare.
Assassination Methods by Region
Europe
Throughout history, Europe has seen a variety of assassination methods, each influenced by the region’s diverse cultures, political climates, and technological advancements.
Specific Methods Popular in Different European Countries Across Various Eras:
In medieval Europe, poison was a favored method, particularly among the Italian nobility. The use of poisoned food, drink, and even clothing was common in the courts of Italy, where political intrigue and betrayal were rife.
During the French Revolution, the guillotine became the symbol of state-sanctioned assassination, used to eliminate political enemies swiftly and publicly. The Reign of Terror saw the use of this method to instill fear and maintain control.
In more recent history, Eastern Europe, under Soviet influence, saw the use of more covert methods, such as radioactive poisoning, exemplified by the assassination of Alexander Litvinenko in 2006 in London.
Asia
Asia's vast and diverse history has given rise to a wide range of assassination techniques, each influenced by the unique cultural, political, and historical contexts of its various regions.
South Asia (India, Pakistan, and Surrounding Areas):
In ancient and medieval India, assassination was often a tool used in dynastic struggles. One notable method was the use of Vishkanya—young women supposedly trained from childhood to tolerate and deliver poison. These women were allegedly used to assassinate powerful enemies by poisoning them through intimate contact.
During the Mughal Empire, political intrigue often involved the use of poisoning and covert killings to eliminate rivals. The struggle for succession in royal courts frequently led to the use of assassination as a means to secure power.
East Asia (China, Korea, Japan):
Ninja Tactics (Japan): In feudal Japan, ninjas were often employed as assassins due to their skills in stealth, espionage, and the use of a variety of weapons. Techniques such as silent killing with swords, blow darts, and the use of shuriken (throwing stars) were common. Ninjas were masters of disguise and could infiltrate enemy strongholds to eliminate targets without detection.
While ninja tactics are widely known, East Asia’s history of assassination is much broader. In ancient China, assassins were sometimes employed by rival states or within the imperial court to eliminate threats. Famous historical accounts like the attempted assassination of Qin Shi Huang, the first Emperor of China, highlight the role of assassins in shaping the region’s history.
Korea’s history also includes instances of political assassinations, particularly during the Joseon Dynasty, where court intrigue and power struggles often resulted in the discreet elimination of rivals.
East Asia (China, Korea, Japan):
Poison Darts: In regions like Borneo and the Philippines, blowguns with poison-tipped darts were used by indigenous tribes to silently kill enemies. These weapons were effective for their stealth and the ability to deliver deadly toxins without the need for close combat.
Central Asia:
In Central Asia, particularly during the time of the Silk Road, assassins were sometimes employed by powerful khans and warlords to secure trade routes and eliminate threats. Assassination was a strategic tool in maintaining control over vast and often unruly territories.
Middle East
The Middle East has a rich and complex history where assassination has played a role in political and dynastic power struggles, often tied to the region’s diverse empires and cultural traditions.
Historical Assassinations Involving Political Power Struggles:
The Middle East, home to some of the world’s oldest civilizations, has seen assassinations employed as a tool of political maneuvering for millennia. In ancient Mesopotamia, assassinations were sometimes used to secure thrones and eliminate rivals within royal families.
During the time of the Ottoman Empire, the practice of fratricide—where newly crowned sultans would eliminate their brothers to prevent future challenges to their rule—was a brutal form of state-sanctioned assassination.
The Byzantine Empire, centered in what is now modern-day Turkey, also witnessed political assassinations as a common method for securing power, with emperors and high-ranking officials often falling victim to their rivals.
The Americas
The Americas, particularly the United States and Latin America, have experienced a range of political assassinations, often with far-reaching consequences.
Political Assassinations in the U.S. and Latin America:
In the United States, the assassinations of presidents like Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, and civil rights leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr. have left indelible marks on the nation’s history. These high-profile killings were often carried out by lone gunmen or small conspiracies and had profound impacts on the country’s political landscape.
Latin America has seen numerous political assassinations, often linked to dictatorial regimes, revolutionary movements, and drug cartels. Figures like Che Guevara and Salvador Allende were assassinated or killed under controversial circumstances, reflecting the volatile political environments in many Latin American countries during the 20th century.
This overview of assassination methods by region highlights the diverse and evolving tactics used across different parts of the world, shaped by the cultural, political, and technological contexts of each region.
Common Misconceptions About Assassination
The Myth of the Clean Kill
In fiction, assassinations are often depicted as clean and precise, with the target silently slumping over after a single blow or shot. However, in reality, even well-planned assassinations can go awry. Bodies don’t always react predictably to trauma, and factors like adrenaline, the environment, and unexpected movements can complicate even the most meticulously planned kill. A supposedly lethal blow may not immediately incapacitate the target, leading to prolonged struggles, noise, and potential witnesses.
Silencers and Stealth
In movies and TV shows, silencers (or suppressors) are often shown completely muffling the sound of a gunshot, reducing it to a mere whisper. In reality, while suppressors do reduce the noise, they don’t make it silent. The sound of a suppressed gunshot can still be quite loud, akin to a clap or the popping of a balloon, and depending on the environment, it may still attract attention. Additionally, the sound of the bullet impact and mechanical noise from the firearm are not silenced, further dispelling the myth of a completely stealthy kill.
Poison Timing
Popular media often portrays poisons as acting instantaneously, with victims collapsing mere seconds after ingestion or injection. In truth, the effects of poisons vary widely depending on the substance, dose, and the victim’s physiology. Some poisons, like cyanide, can act within minutes, but others might take hours or even days to fully incapacitate or kill. Symptoms might develop gradually, and in some cases, the victim might not even realize they’ve been poisoned until it’s too late. This misconception can lead to unrealistic portrayals of poisoning in fiction.
Resources
Books
Recommended Reading for Research on Assassination Techniques:
"Assassination Generation" by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman – This book explores the psychology of killing and its portrayal in the media, providing insight into both real-life and fictional assassinations.
"Hitmen: The True Stories of Assassins, Contract Killers, and Political Hired Guns" by Nigel Cawthorne – A collection of real-life accounts detailing the methods and motives of professional assassins throughout history.
"The Art of Political Murder: Who Killed the Bishop?" by Francisco Goldman – A detailed investigation into the assassination of Bishop Juan Gerardi in Guatemala, offering a deep dive into the intersection of politics and murder.
Documentaries
Visual Resources That Depict Historical Assassinations:
"Killing Oswald" – A documentary that explores the conspiracy theories surrounding the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, delving into the methods and motives behind one of the most famous assassinations in history.
"The Men Who Killed Kennedy" – A controversial documentary series that investigates various theories about the assassination of JFK, offering insights into different assassination methods and their implications.
"Assassins: The Story of Medieval Hitmen" – This documentary provides an in-depth look at the history of assassins in the medieval period, focusing on their training, methods, and the political impact of their actions.
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Here are the red flags you may be experiencing a manipulation tactic known as love bombing, according to a researcher specializing in narcissism and psychopathy.
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic associated with narcissistic traits. When a manipulator shows excessive displays of affection and attention toward their dating partner and maintaining constant contact to get them invested in the relationship early on without having to put effort in into the relationship long-term, they are love bombing you. Here are five signs what you’re experiencing isn’t love – it’s love bombing, future faking, and intense physical chemistry.
The intense physical chemistry feels dangerous.
When you’re around a magnetic, charismatic manipulator, the spark between you two can feel larger than life. You feel physically drawn to each other by a connection that is not just physical but also emotional from the constant attention you’ve received from the love bomber. Yet you may experience a great deal of anxiety along with this chemistry – manifesting in heart palpitations, dizziness, stomachaches, and sweaty palms. That’s because a narcissistic manipulator has all the tools to get you to feel special and desirable with their tender compliments and extravagant displays of romance, but your intuition is screaming out for help. Love bombing is an adrenaline rush that warns you of danger ahead. Watch out. This type of spark tends to fizzle out quickly as the red flags begin to pop up.
The relationship moves too quickly for your comfort.
If a dating partner is asking for your hand in marriage only after a couple dates as anything other than a flirtatious joke, you should be wary. If they’re in constant contact with you, taking up hours of your time each day with texts, phone calls, and long conversations, they’re trying to fast-forward the relationship without putting in the time and effort to organically get to know you.
You feel entranced by the promise of the relationship, but not fully connected with them.
When you’re being love bombed, you’ll get the simultaneous sense that you’ve known your dating partner for decades, but that they’re still a stranger to you. That’s because they are. In the beginning, the love bomber makes grand promises to love you, take care of you, and build a thriving life of long-lasting marriage and children. But stay aware: this is likely future faking, not future making. If you do not know each other well enough yet to be making such a commitment, the love bomber is probably trying to carry out another agenda altogether: whether it’s trying to sleep with you or conning you into an exploitative relationship where they can use your resources and emotional labor.
You develop an addiction to the fantasy of the relationship rather than the person and experience withdrawal symptoms when they start blowing hot and cold.
The honeymoon period with a love bomber rarely lasts or evolves into a long-lasting love. Even when the love bomber starts showing red flags, you feel inclined to dismiss or rationalize them. That’s because experiencing the euphoria of love bombing can be akin to drug addiction. This is rooted in the biochemical nature of love. Love lowers an individual’s serotonin levels to a similar level as those with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and activates the reward centers of the brain, creating an intense dopamine high that is extremely difficult to detox from. Dr. Helen Fisher discovered that the brains of people in love resemble the brains of cocaine addicts. This is why you may experience a deep withdrawal effect when the object of your affection is not around or when they’ve withdrawn from you.
The nature of the relationship is turbulent and inconsistent.
One minute they were declaring you the love of their lives, and the next they’re trying to provoke jealousy in you. One day they’re texting you nonstop and the next, they’re giving you the silent treatment. This is emotional manipulation – what psychologists call “intermittent reinforcement” of positive and negative behaviors to draw you in. Studies show it works to create a more addictive attachment to this toxic person than a “regular” healthy relationship. If you feel enmeshed and overly attached to a romantic partner, it’s time to re-evaluate. If you’re experiencing love bombing, it’s important to seek professional support and set healthy boundaries. You deserve a love that is genuine and fulfilling long-term – not short-term con artistry.
Life, it seems to me, is not a spectator sport. It is not something that happens to us while we sit on the sidelines.
Just the opposite: Life is something we are meant to participate in fully. Even more, it is something we will never fully appreciate or make the most of until we engage our whole selves in it.
But, too often, we withdraw. Or at the very least, we find ourselves waiting—waiting for the right moment, the right opportunity, the perfect circumstances. We convince ourselves that we’ll take action when things align just right. But here’s the reality: life doesn’t wait for us. The days and hours keep ticking by.
If there’s something you’ve always wanted to do, now is the time to do it.
We all have dreams, ambitions, and ideas about the kind of life we want to live. Maybe it’s a passion you’ve been neglecting, a project you’ve always wanted to start, or a cause you’ve felt drawn to. Whatever it is, it’s time to stop waiting and start doing. There’s no perfect time and there’s no guarantee that things will fall into place later. You could spend your life on the sidelines.
The only thing we can do and can control is that we show up. We take a step, starting with where we are, what we have, and what we know. Jump while you can.
Other times, we sit on the sidelines by placing blame on ourselves, other people, or even society for the things we don’t like about our lives. Again, we fall into the trap of letting life happen to us, rather than getting actively involved in changing our lives for the better—and the world for the better as well.
When I conducted my survey research for Things That Matter, one of the most heart-breaking statistics I discovered is that “62% of people believe their past mistakes are holding them back from achieving the future they’d like to have.” Even more heart-breaking, “55% of people say that ‘wrongs committed against me’ are holding them back from achieving the future they’d like to have.”
No doubt, there are great mistakes and evils that are committed in this world—and some of them were directly committed against you. I am so sorry to know that.
It is easy to point fingers at others or your past self and blame them for the current condition of your life. And I’m not saying it’s going to be easy to overcome that past hurt and pain that exists in your life. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be active in confronting it and working to overcome it.
The responsibility for action is yours, and it’s yours alone. No one else is going to live your life for you. If we ever want to see change, whether in our own lives or in the world around us, we have to be people of action and activity. We are the ones to make it happen.
I think in our world today, it is easy to be a spectator. We can spend hours and hours watching television series and never reach the end of available programming. We can scroll 24 hours/day on social media, we can watch events unfold and talking heads endlessly on news channels, or find another video game to play on our phones or consoles.
But if we want to make a difference—whether in our personal lives, in our communities, or in the world—we need to get involved. It’s not enough to wish things were different or to hope that someone (or the government) will step up to bring about the change we desire. We are the ones who need to act!
If you see a change that needs to happen in your life, you are the only one that can accomplish that. If you see an unhealthy habit in your life, it’s up to you to change it. If you don’t like your clutter, your job, your finances, your relationships, or the current trajectory of your life, it’s up to you to make the change.
Equally so, when you see a need in the world, don’t assume someone else will handle it. Whether it’s standing up for justice, lending a helping hand, or supporting a cause you care about, don’t just sit back and wait for others to take the lead. Each of us has something to offer. We all have unique talents, passions, and experiences that shape how we can contribute. But none of that matters unless we choose to step forward and get involved.
The truth is, life is happening right now. 1,440 minutes are going to pass today—whether you use them for good or merely let them pass by is up to you.
Every day you are alive is another opportunity to make a difference, to move closer to the life we want to live, and to contribute something meaningful to the world around us. So don’t let this one go wasted.
Minimalism has helped me realize this truth more clearly. By owning less, I’ve freed up time, energy, and resources to focus on what matters. I’ve been able to see how much of my life was being wasted on foolish pursuits and readjust accordingly.
But minimalism isn’t my greatest goal—it’s the tool. It’s a way to remove the distractions that keep us from living fully. When we let go of what doesn’t matter, we’re able to focus more on what does. And that’s where the real work begins.
Life is not meant to be observed. It’s meant to be lived. So don’t wait for tomorrow or for someone else to give you permission. Get involved, take action, and make the most of the one life you’ve been given.
Narcissists Who Are Jealous Of You Display These 4 Subtle Behaviors in Relationships
A researcher specializing in narcissism and psychopathy shares the four behaviors that indicate a narcissist is envious and jealous of you.
Benign envy and malicious envy are two very different emotional and behavioral states that lead to different outcomes. In benign envy, a person who feels envious or jealous of another person uses that jealousy constructively to fuel their own goals. In malicious envy, a person who is jealous or envious goes out of their way to deliberately undermine someone else’s success in an attempt to belittle and diminish them and “one-up” them to gain power and control. Research reveals that people who have narcissistic and psychopathic traits engage in malicious envy – envy that is destructive and aggressive. Here are four subtle behaviors you may notice if a narcissist is jealous or envious of you.
They underhandedly sabotage you and place barriers on your path to success.
Perhaps the clearest sign that a narcissist is envious of you is when they try to prevent you from succeeding by placing obstacles in your path to success. If you have a track record of high performance or are pursuing goals outside of them that threaten their ego, they will seek to regain control to diminish you. For example, a narcissistic husband may prevent his wife from pursuing higher education and attempt to micromanage and control her finances, so she is unable to have the resources to leave him. A narcissistic wife may belittle her husband’s career because she wants him dependent on her approval and always working harder to earn more and please her while she leeches off his resources. A narcissistic co-worker might try to highlight their own achievements while hiding your accomplishments which surpass theirs, in an attempt to gain favor with superiors. Or a narcissistic parent might verbally abuse their children, so they never feel good enough to pursue their ambitions and free themselves from the parent’s control. This is malicious envy to deter you from your goals in action.
They “neg” you and covertly demean you so you’re less confident about yourself.
Negging consists of any backhanded comments to disorient you and “humble” you into believing you fall short in some capacity. It is a malignant dating strategy often used by male pick-up artists to make women more compliant to their romantic advances, and unfortunately, it is occasionally effective when weaponized by narcissists to lower your confidence and self-worth, especially if used frequently over time. If a narcissist perceives you to be out of their league in any way, whether it be in appearance, success, talents, personality, popularity, the romantic attention you receive or all of the above, they will seek to lower your perceived value and raise their own perceived value by minimizing and detracting from your assets and positive qualities. For example, when you disclose to a narcissist on a date that you are pursuing your PhD, they may immediately say something like, “Are those degrees worth anything these days? I mean, just wondering,” in a tone of faux innocence to covertly undermine your achievements. Or, if a narcissist is jealous of the attention you get from strangers and other romantic prospects, they might start making cruel “teasing” comments about the way you dress or your makeup in an effort to make you stop dressing up, in the hopes you get less attention. They might say, “You look even better without makeup, not sure why you’re trying to put all that on your face” or if you’re wearing a flattering dress, “Wearing that dress is brave of you. Try something simpler!” These are all attempts to subtly motivate you to change your usual behaviors so you don’t threaten their grandiose self-perception or evoke their insecurities.
They try to pit you against other people, and other people against you, setting up “competitions” to vie for their attention and approval.
Narcissists and psychopaths are not at peace unless they’re manufacturing chaos. They sadistically derive pleasure and excitement from watching people turn against one another by planting seeds of distrust, suspicion, paranoia, and doubt among the people closest to them, whether they be romantic partners, exes, friends, family members, colleagues, or even acquaintances who are the chosen scapegoats of their envy. Research reveals that they provoke jealousy on purpose for power and control, to exact revenge, test the relationship or in cases of vulnerable narcissism and the second subtype of psychopathy, to compensate for their own insecurities. That is why a narcissistic partner may constantly talk about their ex (in both loving and demeaning ways) to manufacture love triangles to get you to compete for them. That is why a narcissistic friend may gossip about you to your mutual friends and spread rumors, all while engaging in hurt-and-rescue tactics and pretending to “comfort” you when you discover these smear campaigns. That is why narcissistic employees might try to get themselves or one of their cronies promoted rather than create a true meritocracy where the most high-achieving and talented workers are rewarded, all while trying to sabotage you so you don’t climb the corporate ladder. It is all a way for them to stroke their own grandiose ego and attempt to make you feel inferior because they know you surpass them. Otherwise, they would not have to try so hard to sabotage you or demean you.
They constantly move the goal posts and hypercriticize and nitpick you, so you never feel “enough” no matter what you do.
Hypercriticism and moving the goal posts are manipulation tactics that help ensure that an envious narcissist controls your focus. If you’re too focused on trying to gain their approval, you will stay less focused on how to take care of yourself or detach from the relationship. Let’s say a narcissistic dating partner told you that you don’t have what takes to be a singer, even though you’ve won many singing competitions, because they are jealous of your natural talent. Or a narcissistic spouse tells you to lose weight, even though you’re already a size two. When you do lose the weight unnecessarily or start entering even more challenging singing competitions to prove them wrong, they’ll start to nitpick and hypercriticize other parts of you or even make comparisons between you and other people to gaslight you and make you feel small. This is a game you simply cannot win, because the goal posts are arbitrary and will always change. You are far better off validating yourself, finding people who honor and celebrate your wins, and see you for the remarkable person you are, valuing and appreciating you as you deserve. If you are in a relationship with a hypercritical narcissist, the manipulation and mistreatment you experienced were never your fault. You deserve to healthy relationships, and you deserve to heal from toxic people.
Relationships fall apart all the time for various reasons — cheating, jealousy, distance, or sometimes it just isn’t a match. Sometimes, things are beyond our control. Sometimes the timing just isn’t right, sometimes we just can’t make it work because there is too much fundamental incompatibility.
But other times, it is under our control. We can choose how we show up in our relationships. And this makes a difference in whether it thrives or implodes.
Let’s look at the most common ways people destroy their relationships and how to avoid them.
1. You don’t communicate.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, we’ve all heard this one before. But how many of us make it a priority to truly connect with our partner?
In this day and age of digital devices, it’s just so easy to get lost in that and real-life relationships take a backseat. Next time you go out look around at how many couples or groups of friends are sitting together and all just looking at their phones. ‘
It’s easy to get lost in the shuffle and the grind of everyday life, but you have to make it a priority to actually talk to each other.
Communication plays an even more vital role when conflicts arise, which they inevitably will even in the best relationships.
It’s hard to have those honest, uncomfortable conversations because they bring up all sorts of unpleasant feelings we don’t want to feel but if you don’t talk about it, then the problems will persist and resentment will start to build.
Healthy communication can be challenging if you grew up in a home with unhealthy communication. You may find that you get overly defensive, you stonewall or shut down, you ice him out, or maybe you get extremely combative. All of these are unhealthy coping mechanisms being activated by a triggering situation, and a simple argument can be highly triggering for certain people.
When you feel those defenses going up, recognize that this is your “Protector” coming to save you. This “Protector” played a vital role when you were younger and didn’t have many skills. But you’re an adult now and you can cope in healthier ways so just ask her to step aside so you can do that.
Awareness is the first step. So just be aware of your weak spots and work on strengthening those communication skills.
2. Lack of empathy.
This is a tough one because it’s very easy to get caught up in our own experience of the relationship. It’s easy to feel like we’re the victim and it’s unfair and we’re right and he’s wrong and we’re doing everything in this relationship and getting nothing back.
I know it can feel that way in the heat of the moment, but it’s important to step back and look at your partner with more empathetic eyes. I’m not saying your hurt isn’t valid, but it won’t get you anywhere to blame him fully, he’ll just get defensive and the conversation won’t go anywhere. (And it goes without saying your partner should also activate his empathy and try to see things from your perspective).
When you can’t see his perspective, then he doesn’t feel heard and when and this will cause a breakdown in communication which will create distance between you, and the more distance there is, the less intimacy there is.
3. Too much criticism.
Why do we do this? We hate being criticized but sometimes just can’t help but do it to our partners.
It doesn’t motivate him to change and instead makes him resentful and annoyed and even less likely to do what you want.
It also creates a parent/child dynamic, where you’re his mother scolding him, and there is nothing less sexy than that.
If you are overly critical, then look deeper into where that comes from. Usually, the thing we’re most critical about in others is what we are most critical about in ourselves.
Take a look at what’s really bothering you.
Maybe you’re criticizing him for the way he folded the laundry but really, you just feel out of control in your life, like nothing is quite right. Maybe you don’t feel heard. Maybe you feel resentment toward him for not meeting certain needs and instead and it manifests as criticism.
And yes, sometimes we have valid critiques and it’s fine to bring issues up, just make sure you’re doing it in a respectful, compassionate way.
4. Being Deceptive.
There is never a good reason to be sneaky in your relationship. If you feel this need, ask yourself why.
Do you think you’re partner will get angry? Are you trying to present yourself in a certain light and you’re afraid your real self won’t be good enough?
Trust is everything. If you can’t trust him and he can’t trust you, what are we even doing here?
5. No respect.
Dr. John Gottman, the guy famous for being able to predict whether a couple will divorce with 90% accuracy, cites contempt as one of the leading factors of whether a relationship will fall apart. And of the greatest indicators of that in his research is eye-rolling.
Contempt conveys “I’m better than you, I don’t respect you and I’m just going to roll my eyes at everything you say because I find it so stupid.”
Mocking your partner and being sarcastic, and not in a playful way, are also signs of contempt.
Contempt can be the result of resentment that went unchecked for way too long.
And I always say resentment is poison for a relationship. Once it creeps in, it festers and soon enough you can’t find any positive qualities about your partner anymore.
If you can’t respect him, you need to ask yourself why. Do you really think he’s just an idiot? If so, why are you with him? Or, are you just trying to protect yourself and self-sabotaging? Or are you angry over things that happened with him in the past that you never addressed?
6. Being too sensitive and insecure.
I’m not saying never get upset when your partner says or does something hurtful, but it’s important to step back sometimes and look at where that hurt is really coming from
We all have sore spots- we all have old wounds that never fully healed and sometimes someone can say something innocent but it just presses on that raw space and we have an extreme reaction.
A lot of the time, those are our own insecurities, it’s how we already felt about ourselves but we blame our partner for “making” us feel a certain way.
For example, if you go to cut yourself a second piece of cake and he asks- are you sure you want that? And you get hysterical and think he’s calling you fat. I chose that as an example because that happened to me a long time ago with a boyfriend. The fact is, I felt insecure in the relationship and like most girls, I was chronically insecure about my body- so when he made that comment, my mind immediately went to “he thinks I’m fat and he’s not attracted to me.”
Your insecurities can really ruin a relationship if you let them run rampant, so just check yourself and see where your feelings are truly coming from
7. Setting him up to fail.
Don’t expect him to read your mind and know what you want and how you want it. If you want a happy relationship, set your partner up to win.
Just be direct, don’t drop hints and then get angry when he doesn’t pick up on them.
If you want him to plan something special for your anniversary, just tell him that! Yes, I know it would be more romantic if he could just intuit exactly what it is you want but he can’t! So just tell him instead of getting upset on the day of.
If you give him directions on how to make you happy, he will! (As long as it’s done in a kind way, not a shaming way).
8. Expecting your partner to fill a void.
Another person cannot repair what’s broken inside you. It might feel like you’ll be all whole and healed from your past trauma once you find someone who loves you enough, but there is no such thing as enough when you have that void because it can never be filled by someone else.
If you outsource the task of being “whole” to your partner then you will never be satisfied and you will resent him for not giving you this thing when really, only you can give it to yourself.
Love won’t heal you and it won’t erase your past pains and trauma. Conversely, love will bring up all that is unloved within you. Whatever it is you haven’t dealt with will keep coming up again and again.
9. Having an agenda.
This is a mistake that usually kills a budding relationship but can also harm an established one. Having an agenda means you want to push the relationship in a certain direction in order to feel good about yourself.
If you’re in the early phases of dating, you may feel this overwhelming need to become official, and you measure all of your interactions in terms of whether they’re taking you closer to or further from that goal. It’s not just about wanting the relationship because you really like this other person and want to create a meaningful partnership, it’s about what it will mean to you and about you. You attach a certain meaning onto having this thing — it will mean you’re worthy, you’re OK, you won’t end up alone, etc.
10. Avoiding confrontation.
Happy couples aren’t couples who never fight, they just don’t fight dirty. Arguements can actually be healthy and are a chance to grow as a couple, but only if you use them to reach a resolution.
If you’re having problems, nothing will change if you ignore it. Rather, you’ll end up becoming bitter and resentful and this will poison your relationship.
Avoiding confrontation can also cause you to act passive aggressive and this never takes things in a positive direction!
The way to prevent most of these destructive behaviors is to just have self-awareness. Look at what you’re bringing to the interaction (because you are the only person that you have full control over), and if they are helping or harming the state of your relationship.
Sometimes we are our own worst enemies and sabotage our chances of getting what we really want. Relationships, careers, fitness…we can derail ourselves in all areas of life. It’s a hard reality to confront … when there’s no one to blame.
I’ve been writing about relationships for years and can’t help but notice patterns in where women go wrong. It’s not anyone’s fault. No one sets out with bad intentions, trying to sabotage their relationship. Usually, all a woman wants is to keep her relationship strong and happy. She wants it to last, but oftentimes she still ends up doing things that can push a guy away and ruin a relationship.
One area where people go wrong is in not working on themselves and letting less-than-ideal character traits go unchecked. I think that on the one hand, we’d like to believe that this is the way we are and the person we’re with should just take it or leave it, on the other hand, we realize that isn’t really the healthiest attitude, especially when it comes to negative tendencies like being insecure, clingy, needy, jealous, vengeful, hostile and on and on.
Yeah, being this way might be “yourself,” but it’s the worst of you. Why not make an effort to refine those weak spots and be your best self? This is how you win.
Let’s look at some common areas where a lot of women go wrong in relationships and how to resolve them:
1. You choose partners who can’t give you what you want.
You will never get what you want if you keep settling for what you don’t want.
Maybe you’re only drawn to emotionally unavailable people who just don’t treat you right
Going for partners like this is a form of self-sabotage. It can happen when deep down you feel unworthy, you feel not good enough. And these feelings are usually rooted in childhood pain and trauma.
So deep down you have these beliefs about yourself, and then you go out into the world and try to date and try to find a partner but you only seem drawn to the ones who don’t want you. And this is because the subconscious mind is always looking to prove itself right. If you believe you are unworthy, you will be drawn to partners who make you feel that way.
When someone does show genuine interest, you may be put off because this doesn’t align with how you see yourself. You don’t truly like yourself and you, again this is subconscious, believe anyone who does like or love you must be fatally flawed.
2. You don’t understand your triggers.
Don’t let your emotions run the show, you have to look at why you’re reacting the way you are in certain situations. When we have an intense, reflexive emotional response, it’s usually the result of a core wound being touched upon or activated.
Try to identify what it is, especially when you have a strong reaction to something pretty trivial.
Trace it back to your childhood- what were your unmet needs? And how might these needs be showing up in your adult relationships?
Whatever unmet needs you had in childhood are bound to get touched upon in a relationship and a lot of the time, that’s what you’re reacting to.
3. You commit too soon.
If you latch onto someone forcefully and commit yourself too soon, it’s usually a sign that you’re using this person as a means to fill an emotional void.
Healthy relationships build slowly and evolve organically. There isn’t a need to force things to move in a certain direction.
When you feel an intense pull toward someone or are consumed with trying to win them over and prove yourself to them, it signals you have self-esteem issues you need to work through. Maybe you see this person as a chance to save you from something.
And the other person will most likely be put off by this. First, it doesn’t feel earned, and second, we can all sense when someone is trying to get something out of us and it doesn’t feel good.
You also may come across as too desperate and needy and this is a universal turn-off.
4. You’re too scared.
A lot of people are operating from a place of fear, they stay in bad relationships fearing they won’t find better… or they are consumed with fears of ending up alone.
When you come from a place of worry and anxiety, you’re basically saying “I don’t trust that things will work out for me so I’m going to question everything until I prove myself right.”
When you operate from fear and engage with negative, fearful thoughts, you perpetuate the very reality that you’re afraid of. It’s hard to connect when you’re in this worried state, it’s hard to be vulnerable and drop your guard when deep down you believe nothing is ever going to work out in your favor. This, in turn, will push away the very thing you want the most.
You have to get to the heart of the fear- where is it coming from? What is the root? And challenge the fears. Maybe you think you won’t find anyone… is that true? Can you know with 100% certainty that’s true? No, you can’t. So stop engaging with a thought that keeps you stuck where you don’t want to be.
Notice your thoughts throughout the day and ask yourself: Does this thought serve me well? Does this take me where I want to go? If the answer is no, then stop engaging with the thought!
5. You are the victim.
Look, it happens to the best of us. We fall into the victim mentality and it’s hard to get out of it.
It doesn’t feel good, but in a way, it does feel easier to blame outside circumstances for our misfortune… to relinquish any personal blame and responsibility.
And I’m not saying greater forces aren’t at play… but it doesn’t serve you to dwell on that which is outside your control.
You need to take responsibility. Take responsibility for yourself, for your life, for your actions and reactions.
Yes, I know life isn’t fair. And it’s more unfair to some than others. But wallowing in this doesn’t serve you, it stunts you.
You have to look at yourself in the mirror and ask: How am I contributing to my misfortune? And how can I turn it around?
How are you keeping yourself stuck and what can you do today to break free?
Create a vision of the life and relationship you want and make a plan with small, achievable action steps for how you will get there.
Psychopaths Display These 4 Sadistic Emotional Habits in Romantic Relationships
A researcher specializing in narcissism and psychopathy shares the four emotional habits that can help you identify a psychopath in relationships.
They provoke their partners on purpose with cruelty and feign innocence, while appearing “calm” in response to their emotional reactions. This is a deliberate attempt to paint their partners as unstable.
Psychopaths are known for their emotional impoverishment and studies show that their brains react differently to fear-related cues and lacks a typical empathic response when envisioning others in pain (in fact, the part of their brains related to reward is activated, indicating they may take pleasure in inflicting pain on others). Conveniently, their brains only show a typical empathic response when they envision themselves in pain. These differences in empathy and a desire to gain stimulation from the emotions of others are evident in their behavior in romantic relationships. For example, psychopathic partners may verbally abuse a romantic partner, only to gaslight them as “crazy” when they react. Or, they may say something heinous but covert to their partners in a calm voice, so their victims react in a public setting – this is also known as a “dog whistle,” references that only the psychopathic person and their partner would understand. They might taunt and insult their partners behind closed doors right before an event with mutual friends and family so the victim appears to be the emotionally distraught one around others they know. They pathologize the emotions of others, but these are emotions they go out of their way to provoke. In reality, psychopaths themselves lack emotional mastery, but are emotionally shallow and aggressive enough to violate others and treat them cruelly without guilt or remorse. They take pride in pretending they are superior because they can poke and prod at their victims, taunting and bullying others with abhorrent cruelty and smugly taking inventory of their reactions while seeming nonreactive themselves due to their emotional shallowness.
They frequently create love triangles and manufacture chaos in your life to create emotional whiplash and uncertainty.
Research reveals that both psychopathic and narcissistic partners orchestrate scenarios where they can wield power and control over others. One of these situations is the case of jealousy induction, where they provoke jealousy on purpose to test the relationship, gain control over their partners, or exact revenge. In cases of the more impulsive psychopathic subtype, they may also do so to compensate for insecurity. This is why, in a relationship with a psychopathic or narcissistic individual, you may be constantly inundated with reminders of their exes, people they express interest in, or the “threat” of other love interests frequently introduced into the dynamic of the relationship. This is the type of person who may flaunt flirting with others in front of you, brings up exes on romantic dates with you or talks about attractive friends or co-workers without shame or guilt on a daily basis, all while feeding off your reactions. They may also engage in emotional cheating and drop subtle hints over time of what they’re doing and gaslight you to keep you off-edge and off-kilter about what they’re really up to. They can also manufacture chaos in other ways by staging “break-ups” to keep you feeling uncertain about the state of the relationship, or by sabotaging special events, vacations, holidays, birthdays, and friendships to keep you isolated from deriving emotional fulfillment from sources outside of them. This keeps you dependent on them. Normal, healthy, empathic people do not weaponize such tactics, but in a relationship with a psychopath, you will be continually bombarded with attempts to devalue you and make you “compete” for their attention and approval.
They project their own vindictiveness and egotism onto their partners, creating distortions of who they are.
Partners of psychopaths note that they were often accused of having the qualities and traits the psychopathic person possessed – for example, they may have been accused of being manipulative, disloyal, egotistical, or hostile when these were actually the personality traits of the psychopath. These types of malignant projections are used to create a distortion of the victim so they cannot identify the manipulation that is occurring and feel emotionally invalidated in their suffering. The motive of this tactic is to instill self-blame and escape accountability. A psychopath’s aggressiveness, which is often unprovoked (if they meet the “primary” subtype of psychopathy rather than the more violent, impulsive “secondary” subtype) are often based on inaccuracies and projections that veer on a delusional depiction of their victims. They may paint their victims as the unstable and vindictive ones, but reality reveals quite a different picture: psychopaths are hardly zen masters, but rather, sadistic, egotistical, deliberate, and vengeful, becoming quite thin-skinned when they perceive a threat to their sense of entitlement and exhibiting extreme hostility or underhanded ploys to violate people to maintain power and control. Some psychopaths even escalate into reactive violence, while others continue to engage in instrumental aggression, harming others for profit, pleasure, or another personal agenda. When victims of psychopathic aggression and manipulation do not give them the emotional reactions they expected or remain calm themselves, psychopaths will still maintain the illusion that their partners are “out of control” and “unhinged,” by projecting their own lack of control onto others and engaging in smear campaigns or gossip to slander and isolate the victim.
They treat their partners with contempt and devalue them on a whim.
You can usually find a psychopath’s own emotional habits revealed in the horrific ways they talk about their partners and the contrast between the way they treat their partners in the beginning of the relationship as opposed to the end of it. They speak about their ex-partners with unwarranted contempt and spite, or, if they are clever enough to hide their tracks, a “concerned” tone of voice stating they fear for the mental health of their victims after spending months or years deliberately trying to disorient and destabilize their partners. They also lack emotional permanence and a sense of relational constancy, which means they are able to devalue their partners without compassion or regard to the bonds they created with them, in pursuit of novelty and a brand new target, despite heavily love bombing their partners in the beginning and showering them with constant attention and affection. If you were targeted by a psychopath, it was not your fault, and you did not deserve their cruelty. You deserve to be free and to heal from toxic people.
The more you say “no” to things that don’t matter, the easier it is to say “yes” to things that do.
Imagine for a moment your life as a garden. Every plant represents something in your life: a commitment, a possession, a relationship, an obligation, a hobby, or an activity.
Over time, the garden adds more and more plants as we add more and more things. Many of these obligations and activities get bigger and bigger over time, taking up more and more space. Without careful pruning, the garden becomes fuller and fuller.
Of course, as with any garden over time, it will consist of more than just plants and flowers. Weeds will inevitably begin to grow.
Sometimes these weeds are blown into our life, sometimes they are of our own making, and other times they are simply distractions that steal more and more of our garden’s real estate. Either way, they don’t usually align with our values and deepest heart desires.
Although I don’t keep a garden here in Phoenix (other than a rosemary plant in my front yard), gardening is an activity I’ve always loved. My grandfather’s garden was famous in his small town. I loved helping my dad (who grew up on a farm) tend to our backyard garden when I was growing up. And I maintained a small garden at each of my homes before moving here to the desert.
And one thing I’ve learned: to grow the best vegetables (or to admire the most beautiful flowers) you must be diligent in removing the weeds and providing space for the plants and flowers to flourish.
The same is true of our lives, by learning to say “no” and by pruning our lives intentionally, we make room for the things in life that bring both beauty and fruit.
There are lots of reasons why people have a hard time saying no.
If that is you, it might be helpful to remember that saying ‘no’ might be the most productive thing you do. Weeding a garden and pruning plants is not wrong or selfish, it is required for fruitfulness.
Likewise, considered correctly, saying ‘no’ isn’t about attracting confrontation, letting people down, or limiting your potential at work or in life. Saying ‘no’ is about living your most intentional life focused on what matters.
Saying ‘no’ allows us to protect our time, energy, and resources. And it frees us to function at our best in the world. When we stop filling our days with unnecessary commitments and distractions, we begin to see clearly the things that bring us joy and fulfillment and have the space to let them flourish.
Consider the act of minimizing your possessions. Every item you choose to remove from your home and life creates space and peace. Each ‘no’ to an unnecessary possession is a ‘yes’ to simplicity and focus. And every purchase we reject is more money that can be spent elsewhere.
Reflect on your daily routine. How many activities do you engage in out of habit or obligation rather than genuine desire or thoughtfulness? How many hours are wasted each day on devices or purposeless entertainment? Every weed we pull and every hour we take back, opens up the possibility of saying ‘yes’ to something more meaningful and life-giving.
Think about your work and career. Are there things we must do at work that are not entirely enjoyable? Certainly. But is saying ‘yes’ to everything for the purpose of getting ahead or making more money working for you in the short-term and the long-term? Or do the words of Warren Buffett cause you to stop and reevaluate, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.”
Minimalism is essentially about intention. It’s about removing distractions that keep us from our values. It’s the deliberate choice to focus on our values, our limitations, and those pursuits worth the one life we have to live. This philosophy can transform not only our physical spaces but also our schedules, habits, and well-being.
With fewer distractions, we gain clarity and focus. We become more present in our daily lives and more engaged in our relationships. We find time for personal growth, creativity, and rest. Our stress levels decrease and our sense of fulfillment increases.
When the weeds are removed, space for beauty and fruit is found.
If you’ve spent any time gardening, you know that removing weeds can be hard work. But it’s always worth it in the end.
5 Beautiful, Inspiring Lessons From Netflix ‘Heartstopper’
The right people will love you for exactly who you are.
A difficult truth: Not everyone will like you or accept you or understand you. But that’s okay, because when you find your people, they will love you for exactly who you are. You won’t feel the need to change who you are or fit into their mold of who they think you should be. Charlie and his group of friends is the perfect example of this—they love him unconditionally, no matter what anyone else has to say about it.
If you live your life according to other people’s expectations, you might miss out on true happiness.
It can be hard to be different, to stand out, to not be the person everyone wants you to be. It’s easier to mold yourself to others’ expectations because there’s a lot less pushback that way. But can you ever be truly happy if you can’t actually be who you are? By living the life other people want for you, you’re choosing to give up the life you want. And while that may seem like the easiest option in the moment, you’ll realize you’re missing out on the things in life that might actually bring you total fulfillment and happiness.
Platonic love is just as important as romantic love.
Sure, everyone wants to be in love, but there are more kinds of important human connection than just romance. Friendship can be just as powerful and can make you feel just as accepted, understood, and fulfilled. Charlie’s entire friend group was full of couples (or burgeoning ones), but that didn’t stop them from valuing their platonic relationships just as much as their romantic ones, and their friends were just as supportive and loving as their partners. Love in all forms is powerful—don’t underestimate it.
For every person who makes you feel small, there is someone else who thinks the world of you.
It’s easy to focus on the critical voices and to let the hurt others have inflicted on us overpower our senses. This pain can change our opinion of ourselves or our overall worldview, making it harder to see the people who love us entirely, who see all the good inside us. But you are not the bad things that happened to you or the bad things that have been said to you. You are loved and valued and worthy of happiness. And when you find those people who hold compassion for the pain you feel and can see all the beauty hidden underneath, hold onto them tightly.
Love won’t always look exactly like we expect it to—but I hope you embrace it anyway, because it is beautiful all the same.
Love can surprise us, the way it arises. Without ever understanding why, we may find ourselves falling for the type of person we never thought we could. Sometimes we might even fall for someone we never thought was an option, like a good friend. It’s okay to be scared and confused, but I hope when you’re given the option, you always, always choose love.
Have you ever wanted to create your own custom fabric dyes but didn’t know where to start? You’ve come to the right place! In this post, I’ll be sharing how to create fabric dyes from natural elements like fruits, vegetables, plants, and other natural elements.
Natural fabric dyeing is such an awesome way to add vibrant colours to fabrics while minimizing environmental impact. These dyes are sustainable and eco-friendly, and can create some truly stunning hues and colours on fabrics with just a little bit of work.
Sustainability and eco-consciousness has become an important aspect of our lives in the recent years, as we strive to protect and preserve our planet for future generations. Traditional textile dyeing processes often involve harmful chemicals that pose risks to human health and the environment.
Thankfully, natural dyeing offers a sustainable solution. By harnessing the power of nature’s very own colour palette, we can reduce our ecological footprint and contribute to a more sustainable future!
Natural dyes are derived from renewable resources and are biodegradable, ensuring that the dyeing process has minimal impact on ecosystems.
Additionally, the use of natural dyes supports local farming communities, as many dye materials can be sourced from plants and crops cultivated sustainably.
By embracing natural dyeing techniques, we can reduce water pollution, conserve energy, and foster a more conscious and responsible approach to textile production.
One of the most wonderful aspects of natural dyeing is that it can be a fun and engaging DIY project! Whether you are an experienced textile artist or a curious beginner, experimenting with natural dyes allows you to unleash your creativity and explore the wonders of colour creation.
It connects us with nature and fosters a deeper appreciation for the world around us. Moreover, natural dyeing provides a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment as you witness the transformation of plain fabrics into unique and visually captivating pieces.
The outcomes of natural dyeing are truly remarkable. Each dye material holds its distinct characteristics, resulting in colours that exhibit depth, variation, and subtle nuances. Natural dyes create a sense of connection to the Earth, with colours that evoke the seasons, landscapes, and natural beauty.
Here are 10 natural dyes that you can experiment with!
Indigo
Indigo, a plant-based dye with a rich history, produces fascinating shades of blue. It is obtained from the leaves of the Indigofera Tinctoria plant. This dye is highly regarded for its ability to create deep, denim-like blues. Indigo dyeing techniques, such as shibori, offer unique patterns and effects that make each piece truly one-of-a-kind!
Turmeric
With its vibrant golden-yellow hue, turmeric is a popular choice for natural dyeing. This spice can be used to achieve bright, warm yellows on various fabrics. Turmeric’s intense colour makes it a versatile dye that can create striking patterns and designs on textiles.
However, turmeric’s benefits extend beyond its visual appeal. It possesses natural antibacterial properties, making it an excellent choice for dyeing textiles intended for everyday use. This property is particularly beneficial for items like kitchen towels, napkins, and clothing that come into regular contact with the skin.
Furthermore, turmeric is easily accessible and affordable, making it an attractive option for those interested in experimenting with natural dyeing. Its versatility allows for various dyeing techniques, including immersion dyeing, tie-dyeing, or even block printing.
Beetroot
For a range of pink and reddish hues, beetroot is an ideal natural dye. The pigments present in beetroot can create subtle shades of pink on fabrics, adding a touch of natural elegance to your creations.
Depending on the concentration and duration of the dyeing process, you can achieve various intensities, from soft blush tones to vibrant reds. This versatility allows for experimentation and customisation, making each dyeing project truly unique!
Also, beetroot is readily available in most grocery stores or can be grown in home gardens! It is an inexpensive dye material, making it an affordable option for those who are new to natural dyeing or wish to experiment with different shades.
Whether you’re dyeing clothing, linens, or other textiles, beetroot offers a versatile and accessible option for achieving lovely pink and reddish colours. So, embrace the beauty of beetroot and let its natural pigments infuse your fabrics with elegance and charm, all while indulging in the wonders of sustainable and eco-friendly dyeing!
Onion Skins
Often discarded as waste, onion skins can be transformed into a beautiful natural dye that yields warm and earthy tones! By simmering the onion skins, you can extract a range of shades from light yellows to deep oranges and rich browns, adding depth and character to your fabrics.
Onion skin dyeing is a fantastic way to repurpose what would typically be thrown away, turning it into a valuable resource for creating unique colours. This makes it a very eco-friendly and sustainable option for natural dyeing.
By giving new life to onion skins, you contribute to reducing waste and minimizing the environmental impact associated with textile production.
Not to forget that the colours obtained from onion skins evoke a sense of natural beauty and rustic charm! The warm and earthy tones they produce are reminiscent of nature’s autumnal palette, bringing a cosy and organic feel to your fabrics.
Avocado Pits and Skins
Don’t throw away your avocado pits and skins!
Avocado pits and skins, often discarded as kitchen waste, can be repurposed to create beautiful natural dyes. These dyes produce a range of lovely pinks, blush tones, and light peach colours, adding a delicate touch to fabrics.
As with any natural dye, the longevity of avocado-dyed fabrics can be enhanced by proper care. It is recommended to wash them in cool water with mild detergent and avoid exposure to direct sunlight for extended periods!
Logwood
Derived from the heartwood of trees, logwood is a natural dye that offers a diverse range of colours, including deep purples, greys, and blues.
One of the remarkable qualities of logwood dye is its exceptional ‘colourfastness’. Colourfastness refers to the ability of a dye to retain its vibrancy even after repeated washing or exposure to sunlight. This means that your dyed textiles will maintain their beauty and intensity over time, allowing you to enjoy them for years to come – Making them even more sustainable!
Logwood dye is well-suited for various fabric types, including natural fibres like cotton, linen, silk, and wool. From bold purples for statement pieces to subdued greys and blues for a more understated look, logwood dye offers a wide range of options to suit different design aesthetics.
Marigold Flowers
Marigold flowers, with their vibrant hues of yellow and orange, hold rich natural pigments that can be used to create stunning dyes! These flowers contain lutein, a powerful pigment known for its dyeing properties, making marigold dye an excellent choice for adding a touch of brightness and warmth to fabrics.
The colours obtained from marigold flowers range from sunny yellows to rich oranges, which add a lovely sense of joy and vibrancy to any piece! Whether you’re dyeing garments, accessories, or home textiles, the marigold dye can infuse your creations with a burst of cheerful and uplifting colours.
Not only can the dyeing itself be a fun and rewarding DIY project, using marigolds also allows you to engage with nature! Harvesting marigold flowers from your garden or sourcing them locally adds an element of connection to the natural world and a sense of satisfaction when witnessing the transformation of the flowers into vibrant dyes.
Cochineal Insects
Found on the pads of prickly pear cacti, Cochineal Insects offer a great source of natural dye that produces a range of intense reds, pinks, and purples.
These tiny creatures contain carminic acid, a potent pigment that has been used for centuries to create the renowned colour known as “carmine’ which is extracted by crushing them to release the pigment-rich liquid.
The historical significance of cochineal dye is fascinating! It has been used by various civilizations, including the ancient Aztecs and Mayans.
Cochineal dye played a significant role in trade and commerce, with its rich reds being sought after by artists, textile producers, and even royalty. Today, cochineal dye continues to be highly regarded for its ability to create intense and enduring colours.
Walnut Shells
Walnut shells offer a wonderful source of natural dye that can be transformed into lovely earthy browns and warm, muted yellows.
They are great at achieving vintage or rustic aesthetics on textiles. The earthy browns produced by walnut dye can lend a sense of warmth, depth, and antiquity to fabrics, creating a nostalgic and timeless appeal.
These natural hues are perfect for creating a rustic, farmhouse-inspired look or adding a vintage touch to garments, accessories, or home decor items.
To preserve the colour intensity, it’s advisable to avoid excessive exposure to direct sunlight, as natural dyes may experience some degree of fading over time. By following proper care instructions, you can ensure that your walnut-dyed fabrics maintain their rustic beauty for an extended period.
Madder Root
This versatile plant offers a wide spectrum of colours, ranging from delicate pale pinks to deep oranges and vibrant reds. With its ability to produce vibrant and long-lasting hues, madder root has been used for centuries as a reliable source of dye that withstands the test of time.
Beyond its visual appeal, madder root dye carries a sense of history and tradition. It has been utilized for centuries across different cultures and regions. The knowledge and techniques associated with madder root dyeing have been passed down through generations, making it a valuable part of cultural heritage.
Now that you’ve learned about some of the natural sources for dyes and the colours they generate, let’s talk about how to create the dyes themselves!
How to Create Natural Dyes from Fruits, Vegetables, and Plants
Step 1: Preparing the Fabric
Before dyeing your fabric, it is crucial to prepare it properly to ensure optimal color absorption.
1) Choose natural fibers such as cotton, linen, silk, or wool, as they tend to absorb dyes more effectively.
2) Wash the fabric thoroughly to remove any dirt, chemicals, or finishes that might hinder the dye absorption.
3) If the fabric is made of cellulose fibers like cotton or linen, pre-treat it with a mordant solution to enhance colorfastness. Common mordants include alum, iron, and vinegar. Follow the mordant instructions carefully and rinse the fabric before dyeing.
Step 2: Extracting the Dye
Now that you have selected your natural ingredients and prepared your fabric, it’s time to extract the dye! The process may vary depending on the ingredient chosen, but here’s a general approach:
1) Chop or crush the fruits, vegetables, or natural elements into small pieces to maximize the surface area for pigment release.
2) Place the chopped ingredients in a stainless steel or enamel pot and add enough water to cover them completely.
3) Simmer the mixture over low heat for an extended period, typically 1-2 hours, stirring occasionally to extract the dye.
4) Once the liquid has absorbed the desired color, strain it to remove any solids, obtaining a concentrated dye solution.
Step 3: Dyeing Process
With your dye solution ready, it’s time to add color to your fabric:
1) Wet the fabric thoroughly to ensure even color absorption.
2) Immerse the fabric into the dye bath, making sure it has enough room to move freely.
3) Simmer the fabric in the dye bath over low heat for about an hour, stirring occasionally to achieve uniform color distribution.
4) For deeper shades or stronger color intensity, extend the dyeing time or repeat the process.
Step 4: Setting the Color:
To ensure your newly dyed fabric retains its color over time, it’s crucial to permanently set the dye. Here’s how:
1) Rinse the dyed fabric with cold water until the water runs clear, removing any excess dye.
2) If you used a mordant, apply a fixing agent such as salt or vinegar to help set the color. Follow the instructions provided for the specific mordant used.
3) After applying the fixing agent, rinse the fabric again to remove any residual dye or chemicals.
4) Hang the fabric to dry away from direct sunlight to avoid any fading.
