[nephilot]

i've been thinking abt it for a few hours and i think i'm going to stop using tumblr for a while, at least a month. this piece of the internet means a lot to me, but i need to take a break. if you have my discord i'm available there. if you don't already have it but we have some sort of rapport (and are mutuals) you can ask for it <3

[nephilot]

The excerpt you posted of the 'rapeslut manifesto'... Life changing to me. I need to read more

Smoking my morning cigarette after not sleeping at all and I feel sick and I hate myself and I feel like it’s all worthless. And then I open the app and see such a kind message 💕 I love reminders that my writing does reach ppl and does have meaning to ppl. Thank you! I will be writing more eventually

[kropotkindersurprise]

It's the official death of neoliberalism.

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

i always mean it when i say i love you btw

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

‘but thats a stranger you dont know’ and i love them. i love that they exist and i love that they passed through my life. and i love u too btw

[teathattast]

reblog to tell your mutuals you love them for existing

[nephilot]

i owe the library like 1000 dollars and i'm afraid to open the website to check and i have to bring back like 60 books and hope they let me do it. i'm actually scared. like i'm so scared. i fuck it all up all the time

[nephilot]

i think i'm feeling so massively evil lately bc all i do is waste time. i open my computer and bam it's been literally. literally. 12 hours. 14 hours. 24 hours. i get sucked in and my eyes hurt and i'm thirsty and i have to pee and i hate my life and it's literally bc i can't stop scrolling. it feels like such a stupid problem too like my willpower is just fucked. i'm just stupid. i'm just stupidly fucked on willpower rn. i need to relax. i need to close my computer. i'm gonna go smoke. idk. whatever. whatever. whatever

[nephilot]

what if it all changed right now. what if i said, okay, that was a fun waste of however many years, but i'm ready to be a person again

[nephilot]

i think i'm feeling so massively evil lately bc all i do is waste time. i open my computer and bam it's been literally. literally. 12 hours. 14 hours. 24 hours. i get sucked in and my eyes hurt and i'm thirsty and i have to pee and i hate my life and it's literally bc i can't stop scrolling. it feels like such a stupid problem too like my willpower is just fucked. i'm just stupid. i'm just stupidly fucked on willpower rn. i need to relax. i need to close my computer. i'm gonna go smoke. idk. whatever. whatever. whatever

[nephilot]

i've been up all night it's 5:47 in the morning and i'm literally hateful. i'm just hateful rn. i was on threads and saw this:

"honest emotional stories with good writing and depth" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA lmao that is not the romance genre i know and broadly disdain

[nephilot]

downloaded her book bc i was curious to see how bad it could be

oh my god

[nephilot]

i think if you're a bad writer it actually is possible to succeed so fucking hard. i keep forgetting that ppl will read literally anything. they will read literally anything

[nephilot]

i've been up all night it's 5:47 in the morning and i'm literally hateful. i'm just hateful rn. i was on threads and saw this:

"honest emotional stories with good writing and depth" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA lmao that is not the romance genre i know and broadly disdain

[nephilot]

downloaded her book bc i was curious to see how bad it could be

oh my god

[nephilot]

i've been up all night it's 5:47 in the morning and i'm literally hateful. i'm just hateful rn. i was on threads and saw this:

"honest emotional stories with good writing and depth" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA lmao that is not the romance genre i know and broadly disdain

[nephilot]

god i'm such a bitch. i feel terrible bc i've spent all day staring at my computer doing absolutely nothing. just opened threads to rubberneck like i do when i get too tired for anything else. i genuinely hate the way i live my life. i have to do something abt this. but anyway while i was on threads i saw discourse abt # of books read per year and ppl humble bragging abt having read 10 books so far this year etc. okay back to the point of the post. why do i do this to myself. i literally hate what i'm doing i'm frying my fucking brain. i have no willpower or anything. HOW DO I CLOSE MY FUCKING COMPUTER AND LIVE MY LIFE. it started in like .... honestly a few years ago. i used to be able to read and watch movies and everything. maybe it was the time i was high for 5 months. IDK. whatever. swiss cheese brain

[daisypreaker]

if she were the king's firstborn, or better still his only child, she would be well content...such a fierce little thing she is, they say, she has no need of comfort. they are wrong in that, i fear. all men need comfort.

- septon barth, fire and blood

[hagiomoto]

[m0tel6mxzzy]

“A Cockroach Cannot Give Birth to a Butterfly” and Other Messages of Hate Propaganda - Jonathan Belman, May 2004

Text ID under cut:

In March 1993, the Hutu extremist newspaper Kangura published an article titled “A cockroach cannot give birth to a butterfly.”[9] The article said:

We began by saying that a cockroach cannot give birth to a butterfly. It is true. A cockroach gives birth to another cockroach […] The history of Rwanda show us clearly that a Tutsi stays always exactly the same that he has never changed. The malice, the evil are just as we knew them in the history of our country. We are not wrong in saying that a cockroach gives birth to another cockroach. Who could tell the difference between the Inyenzi who attacked in October 1990 [Kangura falsely claimed that Tutsi forces had attacked Kigali] and those of the 1960s [who had resisted the Hutu revolution of 1959]. They are all linked … Their evilness is the same. The unspeakable crimes of the Inyenzi today … recall those of their elders: killing, pillaging, raping girls and women, etc.[10]

The message is clear. The Tutsis represent an evil that will reproduce itself for as long as Tutsis exist. Future generations of Tutsis will not be any better than their predecessors because, “a cockroach cannot give birth to a butterfly.”

[nephilot]

i know that we've all seen this post but i do feel like i'm going crazy when i read it. "let's not pretend that nuclear family incest isn't a hallmark of christian patriarchy and white supermacy" + "they're zesty and sexy to you, white blogger, because you come from a long line of perpetrators of those things" so wait you're saying that the christian nuclear family enables abuse WITHIN THE FAMILY but that the thought of abuse is "zesty and sexy" bc white christian ppl have no experience with being victims of it? like genuinely what math is she doing

[nephilot]

the broad dismissal of incest as a thing that happens in nonwhite, non christian families is crazy too of course. i mean i could sit here all day just listing things that are vile abt this post. yes ofc rape is a tool of colonialism and imperialism, ofc it is. but you can't work backwards from that to then claim rape is a white person problem. that's actually insane and tbh incredibly insensitive

[nephilot]

like i want to be clear that this is a racist post. i have lots of problems with it but it is at the end of the day so fucking racist to get on here and start talking abt how rape is a white person problem as tho people of color are not people with the capacity to cause harm, both as individuals and as members of systems

[nephilot]

i mean she is the great mind who gave us this:

[nephilot]

ok i know i need to let it go but also this is the person who wrote this:

this is crazy right. bc let's get one thing straight. everyone is so raped. there is no group of ppl that is not filled with ppl who were raped. she's really cruel as fuck. i don't even care that i'm honestly being kind of crazy rn. she has the most vile opinions and she's so smug abt them. and it's also the fact that ppl agree with her, it's not like she's talking to a wall. this is a really common opinion. whatever

[nephilot]

i'm also really confused abt her worldview bc it's like... she thinks white ppl don't get molested which is why they are so comfortable with rape kink. but she also thinks incest is a white person problem, thus casting away with one imperious motion millions of victims of incestuous abuse. but again she thinks white ppl are detached from rape and therefore are into rape kink. so who is getting molested. no one? this is great actually. she's solved child abuse

[nephilot]

i know that we've all seen this post but i do feel like i'm going crazy when i read it. "let's not pretend that nuclear family incest isn't a hallmark of christian patriarchy and white supermacy" + "they're zesty and sexy to you, white blogger, because you come from a long line of perpetrators of those things" so wait you're saying that the christian nuclear family enables abuse WITHIN THE FAMILY but that the thought of abuse is "zesty and sexy" bc white christian ppl have no experience with being victims of it? like genuinely what math is she doing

[nephilot]

the broad dismissal of incest as a thing that happens in nonwhite, non christian families is crazy too of course. i mean i could sit here all day just listing things that are vile abt this post. yes ofc rape is a tool of colonialism and imperialism, ofc it is. but you can't work backwards from that to then claim rape is a white person problem. that's actually insane and tbh incredibly insensitive

[nephilot]

like i want to be clear that this is a racist post. i have lots of problems with it but it is at the end of the day so fucking racist to get on here and start talking abt how rape is a white person problem as tho people of color are not people with the capacity to cause harm, both as individuals and as members of systems

[nephilot]

i mean she is the great mind who gave us this:

[nephilot]

ok i know i need to let it go but also this is the person who wrote this:

this is crazy right. bc let's get one thing straight. everyone is so raped. there is no group of ppl that is not filled with ppl who were raped. she's really cruel as fuck. i don't even care that i'm honestly being kind of crazy rn. she has the most vile opinions and she's so smug abt them. and it's also the fact that ppl agree with her, it's not like she's talking to a wall. this is a really common opinion. whatever

[nephilot]

i actually cannot get over ppl who pretend rape is not taboo. like come on. bodily functions are also taboo. obviously very different things, taboo for very different reasons - but just bc something is common does not mean it is not taboo. like literally their reasoning is "it's systemic and common so it can't be taboo" WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!

[nephilot]

what's really crazy is the lack of acknowledgment that rape itself is taboo. that ppl actually don't talk abt rape all that much in public, and that that silence is crucial to rape culture. no understanding that having an open dialogue abt rape, including abt rape fantasies, helps dispel some of that silence

[nephilot]

i said "in public," but i also meant in private. i meant in the places where rape happens, it is not talked abt. not between the rapist and the victim, not between the victim and others. i am speaking of only certain scenarios, but they are common. someone is raped, and both the rapist and the victim act like it's something else. the victim does not tell anyone else. the victim does not have words for it or does not think those words apply. rape is so terrible that it can't be named; you can't call someone else a rapist; you can't admit it happened to you.

so if you can't talk abt it and say it was awful. if you can't even say that. then of course. of course. having a sexual fantasy around something that is taboo is also taboo! "taboo" in quotes like come on are you joking.