nepodude

Baby, I am the Sun

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Romblon, Romblon

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Hi. This is what my night looked like—the night I decided to choose myself, in bed, rotting. It was wrecking me in so many pieces. Undecided if I’m making the right choice or I just lost my one chance in love.

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Why didn't you try harder?

Because I have learned the lesson the hard way-- that when someone tells you they don't want you at point blank, you should listen to them. The message was clear, you didn't want me. So, if you still talking to me doesn't equate to you still wanting me, what does it equate to then? Clearly, I am unwanted. I took the message as it was said. I did not take it as a challenge for me to try harder. Living with myself was already punishment enough. And it was sad, that you weren't as forgiving as me. I could point out all the wrong things that happened with us, but I already forgave you for that. It's time to forgive myself for not trying so hard. It was also sad that you had this notion of me like I was evil, like I wasn't capable of change.--like that was my defining moment when it wasn't my finest. So yeah, I had to make it stop, I have to choose to stop, because if I still did try, that was the start of me losing myself again. I wasn't gonna allow that, not when I'm just barely starting to pick up the pieces.

NOTES: -Not my finest moment, but I shall not be reduced by it.

-Why is it when we are angry, it is considered as showing our true colors? Our not so finest moments are our defining moments? Is that it?

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It went from me hiding my emotions so everybody’s okay to “this time I will be angry and no one can stop me” and it still got the best of me. Where to put myself really.

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“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

— Maya Angelou

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Ohhhhh to surrender into my feminine energy. So close yet so far. 😔

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I wonder how it feels to have someone that I can fully rely on especially on days that I actually ask for help. You know how hard it is to ask for help, it's not that easy. Means, when someone asks for help, sometimes it's their last straw.

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Our sweet sweet sleepy boy Bruno 🥺

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beembeembop

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Family time is everything

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The least you could do when someone tries to flirt with you and your partner is a jealous one, the least you could fucking do is reassure and make them feel secure, not the other way around — not make them feel like their emotions are wrong. 

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Didn’t really come from a well-off family. Food was slightly scarce in my grade school days. We rely mostly on noodles, canned goods, and small food innovations to get through. Something that really affects the way I handle food presently even though it’s abundant than usual. Something I wish a partner would know how to touch such discussions. 

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My hands go dry from washing all the dishes.  Telling you, thinking you’d take care of it instead.  What do I get? “Let’s buy a dishwashing liquid that has moisturizer.” Haha. Small details that matter. 

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Simple luncheon ☀️🍴

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Small details.

Sometimes the small details you take time to focus on are ignored by the people you thought would notice. 

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Ohh the art of cooking.