Mary

[neptunemary3]

Venting and trying to understand more about my birth chart.

I'll talk about the aspects of the planets/asteroids in my first house/aspects to my ascendant.

Pisces sun (3rd house) sextile Capricorn rising -> Although I can be serious or "rude" according to some people, I've seen that people easily open up to me. People usually has a dumb/shy/cute vibe when I'm masking enough. I have a childlike appearance so people soften up when they see me a lot.

Scorpio Jupiter (11th house) sextile Capricorn rising -> I've seen people telling that this is a lucky aspect but I don't see that much. I just feel like this make me be like "uuuugh, I'm so edgy. Life is so shittyyyyy. I don't sleep enough and I'm mentally unstable" in eyes of other people xD

Pisces Uranus (3rd house) sextile Capricorn rising -> Yeah, I'm a weirdo. My body coordination is so strange.. I don't have a composed posture.. people just think I'm crazy or dumb sometimes. If I don't mask or get too nervous, I can really be hyper. I always look like i'm in my mind (and I am) and when I let some of my thoughts out, people's reaction are mortified.

Capricorn Venus (1st house) -> I don't see the "prettiness" people tell it can give you. Just a small observation

Capricorn Venus (1st house) squaring Aries moon (4th house) -> ooh.. this one. So.. in my feelings, I'm always pulling back and forth about wanting to feel all, to feel something intense, to have a connection so deep I'll feel it consume my bones, my guts and the wholeness of my being, but at the same time, I believe love (not in the common social understanding of the word, please) is built with daily interactions, daily devotion and it kinda cultivate distrust, passion moments followed by suspicions and coldness. I'm also very needy, but I feel pathetic expressing it.

Retrograde Pisces mercury (3rd house) sextile Capricorn Venus (1st house) -> People think I'm intelligent, that I'm a "nerd". Also, they think I'm shy. I mask my voice a lot (primarily with my custimers at work or when I'm trying to look polite). It's an automatic process, most times, I can have a really submissive, soft and confusing way of speaking. So.. I just try to stay quiet and be the more practical I can be xD. I really love arts and basically, my world revolves around it because I find escapism on it.

Gemini mars (5th house/6th house) trines Capricorn Venus (1st house) -> I've seen Gemini mars can be a sign of queerness.. and well... I am queer xD. Never understood gender norms (or societal norms at all). I've said that, but I'll repeat: I prefer unconventional relationships because they don't lean on expectations. And I would be so committed about it..

People usually assume that I'm interested romantically on them if I let myself engage in the conversation too much. I like playing and talking freely, I also like to hear and engage on the other person's interests and what they say. I call it "being nice" but people think it's flirty.

As for it affecting my first house. People assume I'm bisexual a lott and because of my androgynous childlike features, people get confused about my gender identity a lot even if I don't talk about it.

Capricorn Venus (1st house) opposite retrograde Leo Saturn (7th/8th house) -> yeah, I feel too gross and broken to be loved anyway. My inner child needs validation, to be seen and told that they don't do only bad things. Some romance-related medias break my heart because I wish I'd had a partnership, an intense love. I'm aroace but I've really idealized romantic love and now.. I really fantasize about queerplatonic relationships. I understand that a relationship goes beyond the good parts and.. maybe, some things are better just in mind. People feel like I'm too "stuck inside". And I am, I can't loosen up around people, I just can be my weird, authentic self when I'm alone and I fear being seen (although I yearn for it) and judged by being myself. When someone judges/criticizes me, I put on a big wall of nonchalant or arrogant behavior. I also fear being too soft or dressing too soft. (I really wish to express myself more and fashion is one way I want to explore. I love comfy and oversized clothes, but I'd wish to not feel embarrassed to try soft or sexy clothes)

Capricorn Venus (1st house) conjucting Aquarius Chiron (2nd house) -> letting someone in or being on the spotlights is like peeling off my skin, but I'm weird anyway, I draw attention by that. So I just try to just express myself more and don't care about the others. I ALWAYS look messy or sloppy and I kinda hate that. I always feel fearful about being used and just picked because I look vulnerable and I also hate being vulnerable but something about me gives it off.

Capricorn Venus (1st house) conjucting Capricorn Pallas (1st house) -> I don't have any idea what this can point to, just wanted to put it here.

Capricorn Venus (1st house) trine Midheaven (MC) -> I'm really attracted to the idea of an artistic carreer. Unfortunately (because I hate being around people), I can fake some charism on the customer service's field. I am praised a lot about my service as an attendant. "Delicate", "solve things", "really careful service", "professional", are some things my coworkers heard.

end.

[neptunemary3]

venting and trying to understand some of my astrological placements

With my shallow understanding of astrology, I'll be starting by my first house.

Capricorn rising + Venus in 1st house conjucting Chiron in Aquarius + Pallas in Capricorn -> I'm not the usual Capricorn rising I see observations over there. My face is round but I have a rbf or.. resting sad face, according to others. I always look burnt out, dark circles around my eyes. I wish I could look composed, I'm very sloppy in my appearance.

I noticed i would before try to hold a reputation of responsible and.. competent, but now I just focus to be authentic to myself. People tell me sometimes I have a ice heart because I don't care about romantic relationships (I've never had a date) and rather be alone.

I think it's very Capricorn rising of me when I have a notion for my routine (that I try to do everyday) and life in general. I try to follow it and have discipline, it always crumble, but my routine is the only way I can have hobbies and search for knowledge after work and I always come back to it.

I was so humiliated on my existence that I feel gross all the time. I notice I push into two extremes on my persona: silly shy lamb that can't do any harm and is extremely incompetent or selfish, dry person. Well, I'm just socially awkward.

The Aquarius Chiron thing about not fitting in is sooo real, I mean, I still have trouble with identity but one thing I know it's I'm awkward, weird. It's not even my tastes, it's my way of being and existing. I've been told I had.. some autistic traits and I suspect being neurodiverse in some way.

I also like unconventional relationships like.. queerplatonic ones, I'd choose them over romantic relationships everyday. I would really commit and be devoted to my queerplatonic partner, but I wish I was obsessed over too..

In reality, I've just closed off my social life and started really despising people. People can twist my words and break those precious parts of myself. I don't think I'm a good person, but I protect those parts of mine fiercely.

My face always look different in the mirror, photos.. I don't know.

Although I think it's because of other.. aspects and placement in my birth chart, I make part of the non binary umbrella and I was very.. hurt and bullied about the female body standard when I was a kid and I think it's a spark of the Aquarius Chiron conjucting my Venus. I would just wear what I want and kids around me would think.. I was strange. I've never understood social norms about gender well.

Tbh, I don't have any idea about Pallas in Capricorn, just wanted to put it there.

[harmoonix]

Uranus/Neptune/Mars/Saturn in the 5th/7th/8th house core:

[neptunemary3]

I'm like that for every people that tries to interact with me (I have Leo Saturn 8th house and it squares my Aries moon and opposite my Capricorn Venus. Also, Scorpio Jupiter in my 11th house and Aquarius Chiron conjucting my Venus)

Yes, I guess people isn't for me.