50 States of McMansion Hell: Bernalillo County, New Mexico
Hello Friends! Iām at that stage of moving where all of my boxes are in my new house, yet remain to be unpacked. Needless to say, Iāve been recycling the same three outfits for a while now.Ā
My favorite part about houses in the desert is that theyāre painted dull colors in some vague attempt toĀ āintegrate with the landscapeā but fail miserably because they are conspicuously huge as heck.Ā
Todayās house, built in 2002, boasts 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms, totaling around 6,300 square feet. It can be your desert oasis for just under $1.3 million dollars!
Perhaps my favorite thing about so many houses in New Mexico is that they drift into very iffy Native American cultural appropriation territory, but fail miserably and end up imitating an Olive Garden instead.
āYes, guests, this is totally a restaurant! The consuming space is totally separate and not visible from the preparation space!ā Itās a pretty awkward place to have a bar, tbh.Ā
Mockery aside, why arenāt ceiling mounted cabinets more popular, especially in small kitchens? It seems like a clever way to add extra shelf space!
Calling it now, take the dining table out and this is totes vaporwave.Ā
Canāt tell if this room is gold or not, please advise.Ā
Iāve never been rich and divorced before, so I have no idea if rich person divorce involves chandeliers or not, but it seems logical to me that chandeliers would be involved in some way.Ā
I laugh, but Iāve owned that same ottoman.Ā
This room puts the multi in multipurpose. Also MP3 Jukeboxes are analogous to those old-school phone handsets you plug into the headphone jack of your cellphone.
Antique Slime is your free Band Name of the Week!
Okay folks, weāre about to wrap up, but I couldnāt not include the room that made me pick this house in the first place. Prepare yourselves forā¦
(In a sinister voice): Childās Lair
THE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST FIREPLACE IS NEXT LEVEL
Alright, time for our favorite and final part:
Why is half of the rear of the houseĀ āMediterraneanā and half of it Adobe Photoshop? Why is there astroturf on one part but grass on the other? Why are there so many dining sets?Ā Ā
Well, that does it for this weekās McMansion! Stay tuned this weekend for a special Looking Around where I examine the history ofā¦moving! Have a great rest of the week!
If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon! Also JUST A HEADS UP - Iāve started posting a GOOD HOUSE built since 1980 from the area where I picked this weekās McMansion as bonus content on Patreon!
Not into small donations and sick bonus content? Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store will go to help victims of Hurricanes Harvey & Irma
Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC Ā§107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright Ā© 2017 McMansion Hell. Please email [email protected] before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)
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